The Rock Bible: Unholy Scripture for Fans and Bands

by Henry H. Owings

Like Moses delivering forth the Ten Commandments, Chunklet magazine presents you with The Rock Bible —the complete rules for living an authentic life of rock ’n’ roll.  Here are hundreds of wise and witty guidelines for
 
“If you’re one of those drummers who sets up at the front of the stage, back the hell up. You are the goalies of rock; play your position.”
 
“When you feel like stage-diving, first make sure the people in the front like your music enough to catch you.”
 
“No one’s looking at your guitar strap. Don’t ever spend more than the cost of an average meal on something that can be replaced by a particularly hearty piece of string.”
 
“There’s only one person who will look more ridiculous and offensive in leather pants than the lead the keyboard player.”
 
Onstage “Being wasted onstage works for only about 5 percent of bands, and yours isn’t one of them.”
 
“Fans that dress like the band are just asking to be pummeled. If you want to be in the band that badly, you might as well bring your gear to the show and play along from the audience.”
 
And unholy words on much, much more.

Genres: Music, Humor, Nonfiction

144 pages, Paperback

First published August 1, 2008

About the author

Henry Owings is the editor and publisher of Chunklet, a music magazine.

Reviews

[Trea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Highly sarcastic. Some humor in it.

[G Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

True words about being in a band on the road.

[Sofia Barbour · Rating 3 out of 5]

horribly offensive. i loved it.

[Gabriel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a guide for being in a rock band. It talks about all the things you shouldn't do with some humor. It's really the authors opinion about all the things a rock band should and shouldn't do.

The book connects to a part of real life. Tons of Rock bands have come and gone and most of them did everything that's right according to the author Henry H. Owings. In the book it says how to hold the guitar and different things like that. Most rock bands do things the way he describes them. This is a Text to world connection because it is connecting from the book to real life.

I would reccomend this book for people that like any form of Rock music (besides Christian). If you like a funny book this one is good. If you want to be in a band this one helps. I gave it 3 stars because I liked to hear all about the Rock rules or whatever they are but I became bored of the same old thing. It kind of made me mad because he was just saying you can't do this and this and this. It made me feel like,
"Who are you to say?"

[Rich Jonny's Son · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book, The Rock Bible, was about every that roak and roll stands for and is about. It talked abou the birth of rock to taday's rock. Ther is no main internal conflict. There is no main esternal conflict either.

While reading this book I made a text-to-world connection. Nased on how every loves music. People love finding out information about music.

I would give this book 5 out of 5 stars. The book gives real tips if your starting a band. I would recomend this book to any one who loves music. Also to any one who loves rock and roll.

[Adam · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must have for anyone who's ever been in a band or knows someone who has. From rehearsals, to touring, merchandise and the problems with the digital age it's the do's and dont's for any rock band in the 'style' of the bible, some of it's very true while some is clearly just for humour. A lot of the 'commandments' you may recognise having seen other bands do, or even have yourself but it's a very very funny read!

[Christophe Murdock · Rating 1 out of 5]

Just awful & trite. The best part is the "begats" at the beginning giving a brief history of Rock and Roll. Then it gives us the "gospels" of the singer, guitarist, etc. All mock bible prose with lame jokes and stereotypes. It hurts to know I wasted any of my life reading this.

[Stone · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the title says, this is a Bible, a Rock Bible.
The gospel for ANY musician out there.
It's not only true, it's funny as Hell.
Drummers and other bandmates should be hit with this Holy Book each time they break one of its commandments.
Word.

[Andar Hermawan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found it is fairly funny as a comedy book. The bible theme is consistently coloring each part of the book. However, sometimes it is feel that the writer inappropriately put some bible jargon into lines without considering the comedy aspect. At the end it is too many "NO" word.

[Matt Ogborn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fairly funny in parts, but tiresome after a while. Probably best only in little bits at a time, but not nearly as good as any issue of Chunklet.

[The Ocean's · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book made me laugh so much. I loved it.

[Sally · Rating 3 out of 5]

its pretty funny considering im not a huge fan of Rock and ill admit that i dont get some of the inside jokes, but its still a good read!

[Annie · Rating 2 out of 5]

meh...
a couple of funny parts, and some actually really useful bits, but it got old very fast, and started to feel like the authors personal rant about all his pet peeves

[G Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Playing in a Rock n' Roll band is a tough gig. This book dispenses harsh wisdom for bands/fans of all levels. However, this book also tempers itself with sly humor.