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What Girls Learn
In the most moving and emotionally stirring fictional debut since Anna Quidlen's One True Thing or Mona Simpson's Anywhere But Here, Karin Cook gives us a novel about girls and their mothers, about sibling rivalry and kinship, about the mysterious tug between love and antagonism that lies at the heart of every family. The year Tilden turns twelve, her mother, Frances, falls in love and moves the family north. Soon the watchful, wise Tilden and her rebellious younger sister, Elizabeth, are navigating a new household amidst the awkward and alluring terrain of adolescence.
But when Frances suddenly discovers a lump in her breast, her daughters must confront the unpredictablility of her illness. With heartbreak and humor, these characters exposes a world of secrets and learn to survive in the face of life's contradictions. Funny, haunting, and unflinchingly truthful on every page, What Girls Learn is a book that will be read--and cherished-- for years to come.
From Worldcat:
What Girls Learn takes readers on an intimate and haunting journey into the landscape of girlhood and the complex terrain of the family. Wise, bittersweet, and above all intensely human, this astonishingly powerful novel enchants readers with its humor and insight even as it breaks their hearts. In this emotional novel, Tilden, an adolescent girl, & her slightly younger sister move with their mother to suburban Long Island, where Tilden has social problems & her mother discovers she is dying of cancer. The narrator is 12-year-old Tilden of Atlanta, one of two daughters of a single mother. The story begins on a happy note as the mother finds a man and the trio move north to Long Island. Tragedy strikes when the mother is diagnosed with breast cancer. A first novel.
But when Frances suddenly discovers a lump in her breast, her daughters must confront the unpredictablility of her illness. With heartbreak and humor, these characters exposes a world of secrets and learn to survive in the face of life's contradictions. Funny, haunting, and unflinchingly truthful on every page, What Girls Learn is a book that will be read--and cherished-- for years to come.
From Worldcat:
What Girls Learn takes readers on an intimate and haunting journey into the landscape of girlhood and the complex terrain of the family. Wise, bittersweet, and above all intensely human, this astonishingly powerful novel enchants readers with its humor and insight even as it breaks their hearts. In this emotional novel, Tilden, an adolescent girl, & her slightly younger sister move with their mother to suburban Long Island, where Tilden has social problems & her mother discovers she is dying of cancer. The narrator is 12-year-old Tilden of Atlanta, one of two daughters of a single mother. The story begins on a happy note as the mother finds a man and the trio move north to Long Island. Tragedy strikes when the mother is diagnosed with breast cancer. A first novel.
304 pages, Paperback
First published February 25, 1997
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463 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 97 reviews
March 18, 2017
In Karin Cook’s What Girls Learn, two sisters are forced to deal with big changes in their lives when their mother moves the family to be with a new man in her life. Tilden, age twelve, and Elizabeth, age eleven, have had their mother, Frances, to themselves all their lives. The two sisters and their mother are always moving, hoping something good will happen out of it. Frances decides to move herself and the girls from Atlanta to New York to live with Nick Olsen, a man that Tilden and Elizabeth have never met before. Not too long after they’ve moved into their new house, Frances receives news that she is diagnosed with breast cancer. Even with all the chemotherapy treatments, the cancer persists. After finding this out, Nick and Frances get married so Nick could be the legal guardian of Tilden and Elizabeth. Nick, the two sisters, Frances’ brother, and Nick’s friend Lainey all pitch in to help care for Frances at home while she’s still sick. Through the story, Tilden learns to have a better and closer relationship with her sister, and face together what they had to deal with their mother.
I loved the plot of this book; I’ve always loved family stories because it hits home. The thing that made it hard to read, though, was that Cook went into extreme details all throughout the book which made it longer and a little more difficult for me to get through. Another thing about the book was that the diction was a little more complex than I am originally used to. Other than those two issues, I really liked this book. Overall, I would recommend this book to maybe young readers like myself, and also target this book to women because it focuses more on a woman’s point of view through her life. I would also recommend What Girls Learn to anyone who has siblings because this book also revolves around the growing relationship between Tilden and Elizabeth. I know from personal experience, that the bond that Tilden and Elizabeth have is the same as my siblings and I. What Girls Learn is romantic, humorous, and touches base on family love and struggle.
I loved the plot of this book; I’ve always loved family stories because it hits home. The thing that made it hard to read, though, was that Cook went into extreme details all throughout the book which made it longer and a little more difficult for me to get through. Another thing about the book was that the diction was a little more complex than I am originally used to. Other than those two issues, I really liked this book. Overall, I would recommend this book to maybe young readers like myself, and also target this book to women because it focuses more on a woman’s point of view through her life. I would also recommend What Girls Learn to anyone who has siblings because this book also revolves around the growing relationship between Tilden and Elizabeth. I know from personal experience, that the bond that Tilden and Elizabeth have is the same as my siblings and I. What Girls Learn is romantic, humorous, and touches base on family love and struggle.
May 19, 2011
This was a satisfying read in the best possible way. Told from the perspective of 12-year-old Tilden, this tale of sisters and mothers was a story we have heard before, but told with a fresh voice and interesting, real characters.
Tilden and her sister, Elizabeth (one year younger) move from Atlanta to Long Island when their mother, Frances falls in love with Nick. Tilden is wary of Nick, nervous about fitting in, and worried about periods, sex, and the typical adolescent concerns. She is soon dealing with much weightier concerns when her mother falls ill.
The relationship of the sisters, close, but resentful a good bit of the time, reminded me of my sister and I (also less than two years apart) when we were kids. Tilden's relationship with and love for her mother didn't make me think of my mother, it made me think of my daughter. For some reason, as I sobbed my way through parts of the book, I vividly remembered teaching my daughter to swim at age one by laying her on my stomach and swimming on my back, gradually sliding out from under her, reaching up my fingertips to touch her belly as she swam fearlessly. Realizing that now that she is gone and grown and doing well, I don't have my fingertips against her for safety anymore caused further sobs.
I think any book that you connect with enough to have a major emotional reaction to is a book well worth reading. Thank you, Reese, for sharing it.
Tilden and her sister, Elizabeth (one year younger) move from Atlanta to Long Island when their mother, Frances falls in love with Nick. Tilden is wary of Nick, nervous about fitting in, and worried about periods, sex, and the typical adolescent concerns. She is soon dealing with much weightier concerns when her mother falls ill.
The relationship of the sisters, close, but resentful a good bit of the time, reminded me of my sister and I (also less than two years apart) when we were kids. Tilden's relationship with and love for her mother didn't make me think of my mother, it made me think of my daughter. For some reason, as I sobbed my way through parts of the book, I vividly remembered teaching my daughter to swim at age one by laying her on my stomach and swimming on my back, gradually sliding out from under her, reaching up my fingertips to touch her belly as she swam fearlessly. Realizing that now that she is gone and grown and doing well, I don't have my fingertips against her for safety anymore caused further sobs.
I think any book that you connect with enough to have a major emotional reaction to is a book well worth reading. Thank you, Reese, for sharing it.
May 22, 2020
I really enjoyed this book, more than what I expected. I had this book sitting on my shelf for years and finally decided to give it a try.
This is very much a coming to age story, but it is a heartbreaking story. The story is told from a 12 year old girl named Tilden who has an 11 year old sister and her mother who is single. One day the mom meets someone new and the three of them move north to live with the new guy.
From that point, it is about Tilden and her sister Elizabeth learning to cope with living with someone new and different things they would do they can no longer do (for example, the girls would lay in bed with mom sometimes as a way of cuddling, which with her boyfriend there was no longer an option. I thought that this was nice to read about as it was a perspective of new changes and I felt it was accurate to what would really happen. Tilden is unsure about the mom's new boyfriend, while Elizabeth is very accepting and growing a bond.
The book also touches on growing up and the changes. For example, getting her period and Tilden starts to worry because she hasn't gotten it, but her sister has. I just think that as a teen reading this it would have been accurate.
However, it is a sad book. While living with the boyfriend, the mom ends up getting cancer. You see the changes that the girls go through and the struggles that they face. It was so sad to hear and read how each sister is coping.
For a debut novel I really enjoyed this book.
This is very much a coming to age story, but it is a heartbreaking story. The story is told from a 12 year old girl named Tilden who has an 11 year old sister and her mother who is single. One day the mom meets someone new and the three of them move north to live with the new guy.
From that point, it is about Tilden and her sister Elizabeth learning to cope with living with someone new and different things they would do they can no longer do (for example, the girls would lay in bed with mom sometimes as a way of cuddling, which with her boyfriend there was no longer an option. I thought that this was nice to read about as it was a perspective of new changes and I felt it was accurate to what would really happen. Tilden is unsure about the mom's new boyfriend, while Elizabeth is very accepting and growing a bond.
The book also touches on growing up and the changes. For example, getting her period and Tilden starts to worry because she hasn't gotten it, but her sister has. I just think that as a teen reading this it would have been accurate.
However, it is a sad book. While living with the boyfriend, the mom ends up getting cancer. You see the changes that the girls go through and the struggles that they face. It was so sad to hear and read how each sister is coping.
For a debut novel I really enjoyed this book.
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June 27, 2017ok. the book was one about coming of age. the ending is very sad
March 14, 2009
What Girls Learn by Karin Cook.Now I regret to say that I was not very found of this book, I found it to be quite drawn out. Now I didn't hate it in fact I was able to read it without having to put it down. I suppose my problem with the book is that the writing style is quite basic and is not the flowery sort that I'm used to. Also there is the fact that the plot has much to do about nothing. The book tried really hard to be profound and compelling but it just didn't win me over. There were times I was shaking my head over the young girls stupidity and I was a tad bit annoyed with how the book was completely told from Tildan's point of view and the whole time she didn't seem to have anything all that interesting to say.
The book starts off with a 12-year old girl named Tilden and her sister Elizabeth who is younger to her sister by a year who both live with their mother Frances. They are about to move from Atalanta to the outskirts of Long Island all because Frances fell in love with a man named Nick that she met at a wedding. The girls have never met Nick but once they do they find he is a kind and patient man,he needs to be for what lies ahead. Frances has regrettably comes down with breast cancer and puts the bounds of family on trial.
If you want this book go right ahead but it is no must read in my opinion. I know you can currently get a copy for under a dollar on Amazon if you must.
The book starts off with a 12-year old girl named Tilden and her sister Elizabeth who is younger to her sister by a year who both live with their mother Frances. They are about to move from Atalanta to the outskirts of Long Island all because Frances fell in love with a man named Nick that she met at a wedding. The girls have never met Nick but once they do they find he is a kind and patient man,he needs to be for what lies ahead. Frances has regrettably comes down with breast cancer and puts the bounds of family on trial.
If you want this book go right ahead but it is no must read in my opinion. I know you can currently get a copy for under a dollar on Amazon if you must.
February 19, 2013
This was just a really good read. Despite its heavy subject matter, it was a quick one, too--I got through it in one sitting. Maybe that was because it was an Alex Award winner, meaning it's a book that was written for adults but that also has a special appeal to teens. So like lots of young adult books, this one moved quickly and didn't get caught up in overly-flowery writing or other--what I feel--unnecessary diversions.
I thought all of these characters were really easy to relate to, especially Tilden, the serious, older sister who often feels overshadowed by her rebellious and vibrant younger sibling, Elizabeth. I've been turned off by a lot of other coming-of-age novels that try to make their young narrator seem way too mature and wise for a kid. But in this book, Tilden was portrayed like a mature teen, but still a teen, which was reflected by the typical teen concerns that continued to run through her mind throughout her mom's illness.
Don't read this book if you're in the mood for a heartwarmer, because this sure isn't going to do it. But give it a chance if you're looking to understand the journey of a young girl whose circumstances force her into a more adult world she's not ready for.
I thought all of these characters were really easy to relate to, especially Tilden, the serious, older sister who often feels overshadowed by her rebellious and vibrant younger sibling, Elizabeth. I've been turned off by a lot of other coming-of-age novels that try to make their young narrator seem way too mature and wise for a kid. But in this book, Tilden was portrayed like a mature teen, but still a teen, which was reflected by the typical teen concerns that continued to run through her mind throughout her mom's illness.
Don't read this book if you're in the mood for a heartwarmer, because this sure isn't going to do it. But give it a chance if you're looking to understand the journey of a young girl whose circumstances force her into a more adult world she's not ready for.
June 2, 2017
In this book a mother and her two daughters, Tilden and Elizabeth have been with each other all their lives and on their own with each other and now Tilden's mom has a boyfriend who they moved in with and something happens to Tilden's mom and she has to go through many things and it leaves the girls with a man that they haven't known for long and that Tilden doesn't really like. In this book Tilden has secrets that you can only guess what they are because it never comes straight out and tells you. I don't like that you basically have to assume what these secrets are and that she never actually tells anyone about them. I would recommend this book if you do want something that is realistic. This book is realistic in many ways and it does show how a victim of something is and how some people never tell anyone their darkest secrets. If you've gone through something like this with a mother or family member this could probably be a book to connect with and read. It definitely shows the terrifying side of being a teenager and it shows the many different emotions that teens go through and the jealousy they have with each other. If you're trying to understand a teenager and their way of thinking this might be a great book to read.
August 9, 2007
it was okay. given that we have a finite amount of time on earth, i would say skip it.
April 15, 2010
Contemporary fiction. A Little bit graphic, but sincere. About a girl growing up, sisterhood, and cancer.
November 8, 2012
Kind of slow but a nice story of two girls that lose their mom to cancer. If you've lost your mother to cancer, as have I, the last chapter is a must read.
February 26, 2026
I didn’t love this book, but didn’t hate it either. There were some good things about it, and other things that I disliked.
The good:
Characterization, at least for Tilden, Elizabeth, and Frances. Tilden especially was so clearly drawn that she practically jumped off the page. I could feel everything she was enduring as if it was happening to me. The story being told from her perspective helped with this. But Elizabeth was also pretty well fleshed out, and as we witnessed Frances through the girls’ eyes, she became very real too. Nick, Rand, and the minor characters were less well developed, but were clear enough to play their roles in this ensemble cast.
Plot. Although not original, the idea of readers accompanying two adolescent girls as they experience their mother’s battle with cancer was a rich source of drama. Then we also have the added complexity of moving from their hometown to live with their mother’s new boyfriend, then their uncle moving in with them as well. There was plenty of substance to this plot, although some who prefer more exciting action-filled books may not agree.
The bad:
The way the incident with Rand and Tilden was described and handled. It was so ambiguous! The “back rub” with Jergens lotion seemed to morph into something even more sinister, but it was unclear what exactly happened. I didn’t necessarily want explicit, graphic details, but I was left wondering if Tilden had actually been assaulted or if Rand stopped short of crossing the line. Regardless, it was creepy and inappropriate, and it disturbed me that Tilden didn’t tell anyone. Having experienced something similar (but not as bad) when I was very young, I remember not feeling comfortable telling my mom, but I was aware that my relative was very sick and hopped up on pain killers, and I wasn’t harmed. But it seemed way worse for Tilden. What could she do?
The “humor.” The blurb on the book cover, the descriptions online, and many reviews described this book as having drama AND humor. I never once cracked a smile, let alone laughed. The subject matter was serious, of course, but it’s possible to see the humor in any situation, and I expected at least some funny moments.
As this was a debut, I may in the future look for more from this author and hope for better.
2.5 stars rounded up. I don’t understand the 5 star ratings at all. Different strokes, I guess.
The good:
Characterization, at least for Tilden, Elizabeth, and Frances. Tilden especially was so clearly drawn that she practically jumped off the page. I could feel everything she was enduring as if it was happening to me. The story being told from her perspective helped with this. But Elizabeth was also pretty well fleshed out, and as we witnessed Frances through the girls’ eyes, she became very real too. Nick, Rand, and the minor characters were less well developed, but were clear enough to play their roles in this ensemble cast.
Plot. Although not original, the idea of readers accompanying two adolescent girls as they experience their mother’s battle with cancer was a rich source of drama. Then we also have the added complexity of moving from their hometown to live with their mother’s new boyfriend, then their uncle moving in with them as well. There was plenty of substance to this plot, although some who prefer more exciting action-filled books may not agree.
The bad:
The way the incident with Rand and Tilden was described and handled. It was so ambiguous! The “back rub” with Jergens lotion seemed to morph into something even more sinister, but it was unclear what exactly happened. I didn’t necessarily want explicit, graphic details, but I was left wondering if Tilden had actually been assaulted or if Rand stopped short of crossing the line. Regardless, it was creepy and inappropriate, and it disturbed me that Tilden didn’t tell anyone. Having experienced something similar (but not as bad) when I was very young, I remember not feeling comfortable telling my mom, but I was aware that my relative was very sick and hopped up on pain killers, and I wasn’t harmed. But it seemed way worse for Tilden. What could she do?
The “humor.” The blurb on the book cover, the descriptions online, and many reviews described this book as having drama AND humor. I never once cracked a smile, let alone laughed. The subject matter was serious, of course, but it’s possible to see the humor in any situation, and I expected at least some funny moments.
As this was a debut, I may in the future look for more from this author and hope for better.
2.5 stars rounded up. I don’t understand the 5 star ratings at all. Different strokes, I guess.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 21, 2025
4.5 stars.
I picked this book up a year ago at a used book store when I was traveling and without something to read, but never got to it. And then a few days ago, in between library books arriving, i started it out of desperation as I cannot be without a book. How is it possible that it has such a low GoodReads ranking??? It is smart, sweet, beautiful, and heartbreaking. It reminds me a great deal of Mona Simpson's "Anywhere but here." I suppose it is karma (or a message from my mom) that i finished almost exactly 6 months (minus one day) after my mom's death. It is about losing your mom - albeit in this case as a tender teenager. Still the emotions hit me hard, as sometimes I still can't believe I too (as in the book) have new friends and new clothes that my mom will never get to see. It brought me to my knees, and I yet loved every page. Highly recommend.
I picked this book up a year ago at a used book store when I was traveling and without something to read, but never got to it. And then a few days ago, in between library books arriving, i started it out of desperation as I cannot be without a book. How is it possible that it has such a low GoodReads ranking??? It is smart, sweet, beautiful, and heartbreaking. It reminds me a great deal of Mona Simpson's "Anywhere but here." I suppose it is karma (or a message from my mom) that i finished almost exactly 6 months (minus one day) after my mom's death. It is about losing your mom - albeit in this case as a tender teenager. Still the emotions hit me hard, as sometimes I still can't believe I too (as in the book) have new friends and new clothes that my mom will never get to see. It brought me to my knees, and I yet loved every page. Highly recommend.
April 14, 2018
Let's just say... I think it's a good thing I'm reading this book at this time in my life, and not earlier. Mothers and daughters, man.
Here's a line that made me go back and nod along: "Sometimes, I hate my friends. They shrink from the selves they once were. Shirk responsibility. Shed their mothers." Man have I ever been there, that blind envy. That last chapter nails it -- not about the actual process of losing a parent, but about continuing to live in that reality.
"That I would own clothes she had never seen." No seriously I think about this.
Anyway. This book was lovely.
Here's a line that made me go back and nod along: "Sometimes, I hate my friends. They shrink from the selves they once were. Shirk responsibility. Shed their mothers." Man have I ever been there, that blind envy. That last chapter nails it -- not about the actual process of losing a parent, but about continuing to live in that reality.
"That I would own clothes she had never seen." No seriously I think about this.
Anyway. This book was lovely.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 22, 2019
A girly book which I tend to enjoy. I am sure that it said at some point what era it was or a year but I didn’t recall and I had trouble placing it the whole time. Only betrayed by some pop culture references. However it did not mater because it was a book about female relationships between sisters and mothers, becoming a woman, and family dealing with cancer. A lot of these things don’t change era to era. It was nice to read this characters voice and thoughts to know I am not always alone in some of the thoughts and feelings I have or have had.
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January 27, 2021“We feed each other with what we have if her - a glance, a borrowed phrase or warning. “
“...we fight senselessly, without reason or result... In here fights, there is no room for compromise. We fight to feel something instead of loss. The way only sisters can fight—with the luxury of forever and forgiveness at hand. It is in conflict that we come closer to the selves we once were. Our grief filling the space between us like language. The memory of mama shaping every word.”
Page 109 - “Hail Mary full of grace”. My favorite prayer.
“...we fight senselessly, without reason or result... In here fights, there is no room for compromise. We fight to feel something instead of loss. The way only sisters can fight—with the luxury of forever and forgiveness at hand. It is in conflict that we come closer to the selves we once were. Our grief filling the space between us like language. The memory of mama shaping every word.”
Page 109 - “Hail Mary full of grace”. My favorite prayer.
Read
May 1, 2020Tilden and her younger sister, Elizabeth, fight all the time. Space on the bookcase, drawer space, mother’s attention.
Read p. 4: “Elizabeth demanded to know which one of us … I felt ashamed.”
When the sisters' mother falls in love and moves the family North, Tilden and Elizabeth are forced to band together against the unknown.
New man - Nick.
New town.
New school and new worries when Mama finds a lump in her breast.
Read p. 71: “I went upstairs to my room, took my dictionary …”
Read p. 4: “Elizabeth demanded to know which one of us … I felt ashamed.”
When the sisters' mother falls in love and moves the family North, Tilden and Elizabeth are forced to band together against the unknown.
New man - Nick.
New town.
New school and new worries when Mama finds a lump in her breast.
Read p. 71: “I went upstairs to my room, took my dictionary …”
March 25, 2025
What Girls Learn is a moving book dedicated to the growth of teenage girls and the connection between sisters and mothers. This touched my soul and really made me think of how the journey that life take us through is bumpy and rough and painful, yet fulfilling and promising that the people we have and hold can either break us or make us and at times even do both. This book is definitely one of my favorites. Read if you need a little introspection and deep thought.
April 26, 2022
As one of two sisters, I predicted I’d enjoy this. In fact, I loved it. Cook captures the tension between sisters, the anger and the resentment - and the instant disappearance and unity that occurs, repeatedly. Add in a beloved mother, add a nice step-father … yes, that part was us. The other growing up action was not me, but I re-lived aspects of my own adolescence. Really a good read.
Want to read
August 14, 2020To re-read... at some point.
I was definitely too young to read this book the first time I read it, in middle school, because I completely glossed over the subplot with the sexual predator uncle. But now I know why the book made me feel uncomfortable at times!
I was definitely too young to read this book the first time I read it, in middle school, because I completely glossed over the subplot with the sexual predator uncle. But now I know why the book made me feel uncomfortable at times!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 31, 2020
This is a story about a mother and her two pre-teen daughters. At a certain point, you know what's going to happen, but it doesn't mean I didn't shed a tear or two at the end.
The end is beautifully written, I liked it more than I thought I would
The end is beautifully written, I liked it more than I thought I would
April 2, 2024
Oh man. A reread after almost a decade. I knew what was coming, yet was not prepared for the heartbreak. I couldn't get the first two parts without sobbing, could it be that i knew what was in store, or the experiences I've had since my first read? Who knows. 10/10 book.
October 7, 2018
Good read about sisters and mothers. Family in general. Compelling writing but nothing earth shattering in the story.
January 9, 2019
Couldn't even finish this one :( Pretty slow …..so many books to read...so little time
May 11, 2020
It’s been a long time since I’ve a read a book so emotional that left me in tears.
The story may have been depressing, but I loved the way it was written.
The story may have been depressing, but I loved the way it was written.
April 22, 2021
Heartbreaking coming of age story.
February 1, 2022
Well-written but depressing. I was depressed reading this book but figure that is the point since the main character's mother is dying of cancer.
July 23, 2022
Gave me WGST vibes. Not in a bad way obviously but I felt like I had to write an essay analysis on it afterward.
April 25, 2023
covered very heavy subjects and portrayed some of the over looked aspects of girlhood. was cozy and easy to read.
January 14, 2025
Beautifully tragic
Displaying 1 - 30 of 97 reviews