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Deal Breakers: When to Work On a Relationship and When to Walk Away
A Beverly Hills-based psychoanalyst and frequent television personality counsels women on how to discern between relationships that can and cannot be saved, making recommendations for addressing key points of contention between men and women in order to promote healthier interpersonal communications. 100,000 first printing.
224 pages, Hardcover
First published April 1, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 75 reviews
April 18, 2012
Wow! I read this book in one day and all I can say is...wow! Definitely a keeper and definitely one I would highly recommend to all. The author conveys her point in a very simple manner that brings a strong message: "You deserve the love you desire and when you're not receiving it - it's okay to walk away." However, she doesn't just focus on the short-comings of the other partner but challenges the reader to view their own personal issues with self-esteem and guilt.
Combining stories that are easy to relate to with good old-fashioned common sense, "Deal Breakers" is definitely in the top 5 of my Relationship books.
Combining stories that are easy to relate to with good old-fashioned common sense, "Deal Breakers" is definitely in the top 5 of my Relationship books.
February 4, 2009
You know all those questions you ask yourself when you are dating someone? Well this book really helped me sort out answers to them! So, I definitely recommend it to anyone who is in a relationship or looking to learn about relationships.
Just knowing what I picked up from the book helped me to decide what my answers are, which gives me a great jumping off point towards realizing what is really going on when I feel like I'm missing something. The information about the give and take and how things get agreed upon and what makes a healthy relationship and how to handle things and what to do if it's you or what do do if it's him ect was all to the point and useful.
I did think that the writer was a little comma happy and found a few mistakes but overall the tone of the book was a great balance between actually being comprehensive and informative while maintaining a friendly, funny, and easy to read tone.
Just knowing what I picked up from the book helped me to decide what my answers are, which gives me a great jumping off point towards realizing what is really going on when I feel like I'm missing something. The information about the give and take and how things get agreed upon and what makes a healthy relationship and how to handle things and what to do if it's you or what do do if it's him ect was all to the point and useful.
I did think that the writer was a little comma happy and found a few mistakes but overall the tone of the book was a great balance between actually being comprehensive and informative while maintaining a friendly, funny, and easy to read tone.
October 2, 2021
This book was very helpful. It breaks it down into 5 different categories of men and how they treat relationships. It really made me think. Very good and helpful information.
December 12, 2018
Refreshingly Simple Advice
If you want clear-cut examples, information and decision-making strategies, this book is for you. There is plenty of humor, without sugar coating the real problems that some relationships face. I believe that you will truly know what you SHOULD do for you by the end of this book ... but whether you do it or not is obviously still up to you.
If you want clear-cut examples, information and decision-making strategies, this book is for you. There is plenty of humor, without sugar coating the real problems that some relationships face. I believe that you will truly know what you SHOULD do for you by the end of this book ... but whether you do it or not is obviously still up to you.
August 8, 2013
Read this on the recommendation of a friend of mine who is currently facing divorce. It's interesting how the different personalities are defined to reinforce the idea of a "deal breaker." I don't, however, believe that every person fits into their specific boxes. My husband, for example, portrays pieces of several of the different personality descriptions, no one single description that sort of fits ranking any higher or lower than the others. So the information is good, the "deal breakers" and definitions used to work on them or walk away from them are definitely things to keep in mind and consider, but I don't believe the personalities are always as black and white as they may sometimes be described. The lines do blur, and if you're in a situation where you need this type of information, it's best for you to adapt as needed for your situation; don't think it has to come straight out of the box for it to work.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
January 5, 2015
Deal Breakers
Really gives you sound advice and an ulterior perspective to take into consideration when you feel stuck on a relationship merry go round. Practical and to the point gently but bluntly. Puts into words what is being felt inside when you know something just isn't right but have a hard time defining what it is and being able to determine what action to take. Love the author's attitude as far as that you don't have to feel guilty for taking actions to have a happy life... after all...you only get one! =)
Really gives you sound advice and an ulterior perspective to take into consideration when you feel stuck on a relationship merry go round. Practical and to the point gently but bluntly. Puts into words what is being felt inside when you know something just isn't right but have a hard time defining what it is and being able to determine what action to take. Love the author's attitude as far as that you don't have to feel guilty for taking actions to have a happy life... after all...you only get one! =)
October 12, 2012
systematic examples of why relationships get in a rut and how women can identify why. A lot of examples were about men but this book also helps women identify how they could also be the problem rather than their spouses. I agree with Dr. Marshall,before anything in a relationship becomes a deal breaker, you have to have a deal. lack of deals is why many women are disrespected in relationships. We need to change this!
February 4, 2009
wow, a lot to think about... this was a really good book for seeing problems in yourself as well as others and straightforwardly (a word?) advises you on the next step. i think one of the best points dr. marshall makes is that you need to be happy in this moment; constant looking towards the future is a big indicator that you're not happy NOW.
March 7, 2017
This was one of the easiest self-help books I've read. I find that most read more like a research paper. This was actually entertaining and I flew through it. This wasn't much help in my life, since there wasn't anything in here that I don't already know, but I do enjoy these types of books for some reason.
February 8, 2009
Didnt finish it. Nothin special. You should be smart enough to know when to leave a relationship. You don't have to put the men in a category before you do it.
July 4, 2012
The cover says it all. A book by a woman from that woman's point of view. One dimensional. Only about deal breaking. Not much about deal making.
Read
September 28, 2014This was an excellent book that clearly defines what a deal breaker is and when you should work on it and when you should walk away. If you are in a 'merry-go-round' relationship, get this book.
March 21, 2016
Not a good book at all! The author seems very selfish!! She only considers a man at fault!! Only 39 pages were interesting. The rest was junk with bad advice.
December 6, 2019
This books is about understanding not only how to negotiate negative personality(s) in a man. I think this book is also gives good perspective(s) ideas on reflecting on your self, a negative personalities you may be inflicting in the relationship eg making assumptions, acting like a child, being narcissistic, controlling or distant. This is why I am giving it five stars as it applicable for all.
Skills to consider:
1. Love yourself. Learn to be the “prize” learn to communicate without a fear of being abandonment, cause you are confident in your value, ask for what you need because you are worth while investment. Understand the moment you ask him to accommodate you, you will discover if he trully loves, and because your self esteem comes from within not from him you are willing to take a risk. you are loving individual and this fact won’t change even if he chooses to leave the relationship. Even though you might waver about his leave, you know that you hold your eggs not in his basket but in yours. You have people who love you and you can create your own life regardless what’s happening between you.”
2. Learn to love him. Learn to place value on yourself and then place a value on him. Have your own life, plans go out. Have regular conversation about your relationship. Talk about your needs and feelings and encourage him to speak to you. Find a way to communicate the way he understands. Accept him for who he is. Understand his point of view, situation form his eyes. Show appreciation. Invest in the relationship: have sex, priorities each other, do things for each other, ask him what makes him happy? What turns him on? Nurture him according to his needs as well as yours? Sick help for addictions but he needs to solve this on his own and find his own solution. Your job is to provide emotional support. Meet his needs of emotional security, love, trust.
Characteristics of deal breaker: you work harder to fix his problems than he does to make the relationship better; you are asking yourself is it me or him? You think it somehow magically will make it better; hoping that he will stop drinking, smoking, will start achieving more ect. And you recognize if he doesn’t you will be constantly worry how your relationship will be affected in future; you continue to suppress your feelings and needs; your personality to avoid the conflicts; you fee mistrusted that you are afraid to have friends and other influences; you either for him when he is in a good mood or against him when he is in a bad mood; you are unhappy; you long to make a connection with him but he doesn’t; he continuously draws his conclusions without taking or listening to your views, values, believes. You are a product of his fantasy and he is unable recognize you as individual, your feelings and motivations. He likes empathy and remorse and not concerned about how you feel; problems never resolved and nothing ever gained;
Negotiating a deal with different personalities:
1. Scriptwriter: let him know that he doesn’t see you clearly and write your own role. Remember a scriptwriter turns feelings into facts and fear into realities. Therefore it’s important to get his cooperation and understanding before writing your own senario. Explain to him that he doesn’t see you clearly. Outline the differences of his perception to who you know you are. Warn him that you have been suppressing your true personality to meet his expectation and he should expect different behavior from you in a future.
2. A man in charge: to deal with this type. Explain to him that you listened to this audiobook and have decided to set some boundaries eg go out with girls without getting a phone call all the time.
3. A man without fault: feels that he has all the right answers. In most cases he will refuse to be open for discussion. The best way to deal with this man, is to step back and ask yourself who is this man really? Do I really need to feel inferior and afraid? Look beyond his self promotion, question everything he said about himself. Ask yourself what do you get out of the relationship? Tell him how you feel when he devalues you. If he can support you in what is beneficial for you, you may get a deal
4. An invisible man: keeps disappearing, relationship with this man maybe deceiving, he may appear attach but attached for wrong things. It is difficult to complain as he isn’t present, he is always doing but never connecting. The best way to negotiate is to show this man that connection will alive both of your lives, if he doesn’t relationship will be empty. Note a lot of men become invisible when they do not want to be in relationship. If he says he wants to be in the relationship he needs to learn to break out of his “doing” and connect with you eg after reading go for a walk together. If he resists intimacy, he needs to take hold of his fears and spend quality time with you. If it’s workable situation relationship will grow, but if you are pushing and he is pulling, you need to re-examine your need to be in the relationship.
5 a little boy: charms his way into your life, he is flexible, in-conflicting and charming. When the relationship sets in he becomes a little boy who wants to be taken care off. What happens when you meet his potential and he doesn’t? What happens when he become needy? What happens when you take care of him and he doesn’t and take you for granted. You need to explain to him that he needs to grow up, that in the next hint that he can’t regulate his impulses and feelings- get jealous, loose temper, gets drunk, without considering consequences you are going to leave the relationship or will refuse to clean his mess.
Ask yourself why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you? Remember that you left the relationship because it wasn’t working
Healthy man shop list:
1. You feel he wants you, willingness to make plan and move the relationship forward. If he doesn’t call in advance and make a plan he is not interested in having emotional relation. Constant emailing, text messaging is not true contact, as he can’t touch you, see you, adore you or get to know you. You see that he learned something already, he is progressing in life. never makes plans for the future he isn’t tend to back out. s he doesn’t send mix messages. A healthy man says what he means and means what he says. Words are backed by actions, even if he can’t guarantee the relationship moves forward. In the right relationship you feel reciprocal and mutual, emotional support, appreciate you, surprises you with little something or remembers your favorite drink. When he is out of sight he doesn’t turn into someone else. His perception of you doesn’t change, he compliments you, takes pleasure of you. In healthy relationship you are free to express your personality, sexuality. He will tolerate unexpected and unknown as he trusts you. He has a good sense of himself. He has a learning curve for instance if you say you want spend more time together he will shift his behavior to spend more time with you. He is willing to learn from his mistake and modify his actions. He will meet your needs, include you in his decision making.
If you continuing to see yourself in painful relationships ask yourself where are you going wrong? Are you recreating painful relationships? Am I refusing to be opened to new experiences? Am I attracting wrong guys cause I am emotionally unhealthy person that I expect a man to be? Perhaps you not expect to be treated well? Are you fearing to be intimate with a man who wants you? Do you dread confinement’s of the comment? Perhaps you are scriptwriter eg past bf chested and you are afraid/convinced a new partner will do the same? Are you unknowingly fulfilling your own prophecy by unknowingly choosing cheaters? Try something different try to date men you not instantly turned on by? What are you trying to fix from your childhood by choosing those men? That don’t conform your fantasy or ideal?
Know you values, your decisions, picture of who he is and who you are with him. Take a responsibility for new experiences, find a man who makes you feel the way you want to feel around your man.
Communicate instead of fixate” (Who is your man? Is he capable of changing? How can you talk to him about the problems you are facing? - are the questions to ask)
Notes:
Characteristics of deal breaker: you work harder to fix his problems than he does to make the relationship better; you are asking yourself is it me or him? You think it somehow magically will make it better; hoping that he will stop drinking, smoking, will start achieving more ect. And you recognize if he doesn’t you will be constantly worry how your relationship will be affected in future; you continue to suppress your feelings and needs; your personality to avoid the conflicts; you fee mistrusted that you are afraid to have friends and other influences; you either for him when he is in a good mood or against him when he is in a bad mood; you are unhappy; you long to make a connection with him but he doesn’t; he continuously draws his conclusions without taking or listening to your views, values, believes. You are a product of his fantasy and he is unable recognize you as individual, your feelings and motivations. He likes empathy and remorse and not concerned about how you feel; problems never resolved and nothing ever gained;
Author also outline different difficult male personalities:
1 the scriptwriter (views you through his length; decides who you are without consulting you- making a mind about you without asking you; first impressions- picks up small details about you, puts you in the role, he interprets his feelings as facts, and believes in them; in a long run you may see yourself playing the role he assigned which isn’t your own; warning signs- develops his own conclusion without developing deep understanding what you are saying, interprets everything in his own lens) what causes him to be his way is maybe how he was treated as a child, played assigned role set by his mother/close one. She didn’t see him accurately therefore he can’t see you accurately. Eg if mother imagines he son is hungry she feeds him but in reality it’s her.
In relationship he may think that you are incapable and all success is due to him - danger you might act in the cast role and believe the same.
Key noticeable scripts: you are keeping things from me; you are never there for me; without me you are nothing; gold digger; mummy in the kitchen( thinks you never leave, waiting for him at home).
Do not conform into his script!!!!!! How to know? Listen what he tells you on the first date? Have your own life!!!
Why you would choose that partner you are not attuned to? The question to ask you: what bad partners you established? What happened in the past that led you to choose such person? Is the partner reminds you of someone? Did your parents decided for you and never allow you to become a person you meant to be? Traumatic event? Or role you had to play in order to be loved? Denial from mother?
2. man in charge ( intolerant to people or situations he can’t control) first impression- appears reliable and flexible. In few key areas; control vs care; don’t believe you are capable, questions your decisions, control certain areas of your life; believes you can’t succeed on your own; his parents may have been controlling.
3 man without fault (believes that he is more important then anyone else, doesn’t take a responsibility for his actions, can’t self reflect; self observed; avoids commitment; relationship evolves around him, thinks he is special than anyone else, his views are important; respond poorly to change; minimizes negative impact his actions have on others) first impression: his life is better, his skills, he is more impressive and by association you are unique too. At the start he will adore you, wow you, make you feel special. Later, you feel like you nag, may confuse that you are taking advantage, in his eyes you serve a purpose. He is critical of you and judging. Why he acts this way? Maybe his care takers Devalue and critical. Made him feel worthless.
How to spot? Everything evolve around him, when ask for respect feeling worse after leaving it. When you want to talk about misbalance in the relationship you feel a fear that he will start deflating on you
Why would you choose this partner? Chances are you want to be appreciated; how you would feel? do you feel that you are be Len nothing without him, your opportunities diminish.
4. little boy who posses as a man
5. the invisible man ( I live with illusions, he is emotionally constricted, unwilling to feel, shut down and alone, prefers time by himself, engages in activities just to appear social) first impression: quite, distant, steady, confident; over time avoid recognition what others think, oblivious to social interactions, but when he opens up he is emotional inside. Self brand - shutting down own emotions.
Childhood: Volatile intrusive overbearing mother, and he may find this is the way to hide.
Hold men accountable for his actions, don’t take it personally- critical man
Skills to consider:
1. Love yourself. Learn to be the “prize” learn to communicate without a fear of being abandonment, cause you are confident in your value, ask for what you need because you are worth while investment. Understand the moment you ask him to accommodate you, you will discover if he trully loves, and because your self esteem comes from within not from him you are willing to take a risk. you are loving individual and this fact won’t change even if he chooses to leave the relationship. Even though you might waver about his leave, you know that you hold your eggs not in his basket but in yours. You have people who love you and you can create your own life regardless what’s happening between you.”
2. Learn to love him. Learn to place value on yourself and then place a value on him. Have your own life, plans go out. Have regular conversation about your relationship. Talk about your needs and feelings and encourage him to speak to you. Find a way to communicate the way he understands. Accept him for who he is. Understand his point of view, situation form his eyes. Show appreciation. Invest in the relationship: have sex, priorities each other, do things for each other, ask him what makes him happy? What turns him on? Nurture him according to his needs as well as yours? Sick help for addictions but he needs to solve this on his own and find his own solution. Your job is to provide emotional support. Meet his needs of emotional security, love, trust.
Characteristics of deal breaker: you work harder to fix his problems than he does to make the relationship better; you are asking yourself is it me or him? You think it somehow magically will make it better; hoping that he will stop drinking, smoking, will start achieving more ect. And you recognize if he doesn’t you will be constantly worry how your relationship will be affected in future; you continue to suppress your feelings and needs; your personality to avoid the conflicts; you fee mistrusted that you are afraid to have friends and other influences; you either for him when he is in a good mood or against him when he is in a bad mood; you are unhappy; you long to make a connection with him but he doesn’t; he continuously draws his conclusions without taking or listening to your views, values, believes. You are a product of his fantasy and he is unable recognize you as individual, your feelings and motivations. He likes empathy and remorse and not concerned about how you feel; problems never resolved and nothing ever gained;
Negotiating a deal with different personalities:
1. Scriptwriter: let him know that he doesn’t see you clearly and write your own role. Remember a scriptwriter turns feelings into facts and fear into realities. Therefore it’s important to get his cooperation and understanding before writing your own senario. Explain to him that he doesn’t see you clearly. Outline the differences of his perception to who you know you are. Warn him that you have been suppressing your true personality to meet his expectation and he should expect different behavior from you in a future.
2. A man in charge: to deal with this type. Explain to him that you listened to this audiobook and have decided to set some boundaries eg go out with girls without getting a phone call all the time.
3. A man without fault: feels that he has all the right answers. In most cases he will refuse to be open for discussion. The best way to deal with this man, is to step back and ask yourself who is this man really? Do I really need to feel inferior and afraid? Look beyond his self promotion, question everything he said about himself. Ask yourself what do you get out of the relationship? Tell him how you feel when he devalues you. If he can support you in what is beneficial for you, you may get a deal
4. An invisible man: keeps disappearing, relationship with this man maybe deceiving, he may appear attach but attached for wrong things. It is difficult to complain as he isn’t present, he is always doing but never connecting. The best way to negotiate is to show this man that connection will alive both of your lives, if he doesn’t relationship will be empty. Note a lot of men become invisible when they do not want to be in relationship. If he says he wants to be in the relationship he needs to learn to break out of his “doing” and connect with you eg after reading go for a walk together. If he resists intimacy, he needs to take hold of his fears and spend quality time with you. If it’s workable situation relationship will grow, but if you are pushing and he is pulling, you need to re-examine your need to be in the relationship.
5 a little boy: charms his way into your life, he is flexible, in-conflicting and charming. When the relationship sets in he becomes a little boy who wants to be taken care off. What happens when you meet his potential and he doesn’t? What happens when he become needy? What happens when you take care of him and he doesn’t and take you for granted. You need to explain to him that he needs to grow up, that in the next hint that he can’t regulate his impulses and feelings- get jealous, loose temper, gets drunk, without considering consequences you are going to leave the relationship or will refuse to clean his mess.
Ask yourself why would you want to be with someone who doesn’t love you? Remember that you left the relationship because it wasn’t working
Healthy man shop list:
1. You feel he wants you, willingness to make plan and move the relationship forward. If he doesn’t call in advance and make a plan he is not interested in having emotional relation. Constant emailing, text messaging is not true contact, as he can’t touch you, see you, adore you or get to know you. You see that he learned something already, he is progressing in life. never makes plans for the future he isn’t tend to back out. s he doesn’t send mix messages. A healthy man says what he means and means what he says. Words are backed by actions, even if he can’t guarantee the relationship moves forward. In the right relationship you feel reciprocal and mutual, emotional support, appreciate you, surprises you with little something or remembers your favorite drink. When he is out of sight he doesn’t turn into someone else. His perception of you doesn’t change, he compliments you, takes pleasure of you. In healthy relationship you are free to express your personality, sexuality. He will tolerate unexpected and unknown as he trusts you. He has a good sense of himself. He has a learning curve for instance if you say you want spend more time together he will shift his behavior to spend more time with you. He is willing to learn from his mistake and modify his actions. He will meet your needs, include you in his decision making.
If you continuing to see yourself in painful relationships ask yourself where are you going wrong? Are you recreating painful relationships? Am I refusing to be opened to new experiences? Am I attracting wrong guys cause I am emotionally unhealthy person that I expect a man to be? Perhaps you not expect to be treated well? Are you fearing to be intimate with a man who wants you? Do you dread confinement’s of the comment? Perhaps you are scriptwriter eg past bf chested and you are afraid/convinced a new partner will do the same? Are you unknowingly fulfilling your own prophecy by unknowingly choosing cheaters? Try something different try to date men you not instantly turned on by? What are you trying to fix from your childhood by choosing those men? That don’t conform your fantasy or ideal?
Know you values, your decisions, picture of who he is and who you are with him. Take a responsibility for new experiences, find a man who makes you feel the way you want to feel around your man.
Communicate instead of fixate” (Who is your man? Is he capable of changing? How can you talk to him about the problems you are facing? - are the questions to ask)
Notes:
Characteristics of deal breaker: you work harder to fix his problems than he does to make the relationship better; you are asking yourself is it me or him? You think it somehow magically will make it better; hoping that he will stop drinking, smoking, will start achieving more ect. And you recognize if he doesn’t you will be constantly worry how your relationship will be affected in future; you continue to suppress your feelings and needs; your personality to avoid the conflicts; you fee mistrusted that you are afraid to have friends and other influences; you either for him when he is in a good mood or against him when he is in a bad mood; you are unhappy; you long to make a connection with him but he doesn’t; he continuously draws his conclusions without taking or listening to your views, values, believes. You are a product of his fantasy and he is unable recognize you as individual, your feelings and motivations. He likes empathy and remorse and not concerned about how you feel; problems never resolved and nothing ever gained;
Author also outline different difficult male personalities:
1 the scriptwriter (views you through his length; decides who you are without consulting you- making a mind about you without asking you; first impressions- picks up small details about you, puts you in the role, he interprets his feelings as facts, and believes in them; in a long run you may see yourself playing the role he assigned which isn’t your own; warning signs- develops his own conclusion without developing deep understanding what you are saying, interprets everything in his own lens) what causes him to be his way is maybe how he was treated as a child, played assigned role set by his mother/close one. She didn’t see him accurately therefore he can’t see you accurately. Eg if mother imagines he son is hungry she feeds him but in reality it’s her.
In relationship he may think that you are incapable and all success is due to him - danger you might act in the cast role and believe the same.
Key noticeable scripts: you are keeping things from me; you are never there for me; without me you are nothing; gold digger; mummy in the kitchen( thinks you never leave, waiting for him at home).
Do not conform into his script!!!!!! How to know? Listen what he tells you on the first date? Have your own life!!!
Why you would choose that partner you are not attuned to? The question to ask you: what bad partners you established? What happened in the past that led you to choose such person? Is the partner reminds you of someone? Did your parents decided for you and never allow you to become a person you meant to be? Traumatic event? Or role you had to play in order to be loved? Denial from mother?
2. man in charge ( intolerant to people or situations he can’t control) first impression- appears reliable and flexible. In few key areas; control vs care; don’t believe you are capable, questions your decisions, control certain areas of your life; believes you can’t succeed on your own; his parents may have been controlling.
3 man without fault (believes that he is more important then anyone else, doesn’t take a responsibility for his actions, can’t self reflect; self observed; avoids commitment; relationship evolves around him, thinks he is special than anyone else, his views are important; respond poorly to change; minimizes negative impact his actions have on others) first impression: his life is better, his skills, he is more impressive and by association you are unique too. At the start he will adore you, wow you, make you feel special. Later, you feel like you nag, may confuse that you are taking advantage, in his eyes you serve a purpose. He is critical of you and judging. Why he acts this way? Maybe his care takers Devalue and critical. Made him feel worthless.
How to spot? Everything evolve around him, when ask for respect feeling worse after leaving it. When you want to talk about misbalance in the relationship you feel a fear that he will start deflating on you
Why would you choose this partner? Chances are you want to be appreciated; how you would feel? do you feel that you are be Len nothing without him, your opportunities diminish.
4. little boy who posses as a man
5. the invisible man ( I live with illusions, he is emotionally constricted, unwilling to feel, shut down and alone, prefers time by himself, engages in activities just to appear social) first impression: quite, distant, steady, confident; over time avoid recognition what others think, oblivious to social interactions, but when he opens up he is emotional inside. Self brand - shutting down own emotions.
Childhood: Volatile intrusive overbearing mother, and he may find this is the way to hide.
Hold men accountable for his actions, don’t take it personally- critical man
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 16, 2018
I think this should be required reading for every lady who is interested in dating. What I found particularly helpful is that, while it does promote taking care of yourself and having the qualities of the partner you want, it’s focus is on making sure that -he- measures up to what you want and need rather than a list of suggestions to make a lady more desirable to a partner. Anyone can catch one, the hard part is catching a decent one. This was a cute, funny, and informative read with lots of examples to make the points.
May 25, 2021
Deciding when to work on a relationship and when to walk away is a skill that can prevent us wasting months and even years of our lives on partners that will never make us truly happy. Along with our guest. Dating Coach Hayley Quinn. It’s safe to say this book caused a lot of divided opinion. insightful.
As a podcast, 3 co-hosts. We discuss and break down our personal review in Season 6 of our podcast. LINK BELOW
https://soundcloud.com/full_e_booked/...
Enjoy!
Website:
www.fullebooked.com
IG | Twitter:
@full_e_booked
As a podcast, 3 co-hosts. We discuss and break down our personal review in Season 6 of our podcast. LINK BELOW
https://soundcloud.com/full_e_booked/...
Enjoy!
Website:
www.fullebooked.com
IG | Twitter:
@full_e_booked
March 29, 2018
Very informative book, and I appreciate that with a simple pronoun substitution it can be applied either to men or women.
March 19, 2019
A good reminder to have standards and stick to them, know your limits, try to work things out, and leave if they don’t improve.
December 30, 2019
Good advice for all relationships.
May 22, 2021
In parts of the book, it made me see things from a different perspective. As to the way i should see things. Then it went a bit left. As to the authors perspective, which came across as scorned.
September 17, 2021
Wow!!
What an amazing inciteful book.
Thank you for writing this book, it helped me look deeply at my situation and move forward towards the future.
What an amazing inciteful book.
Thank you for writing this book, it helped me look deeply at my situation and move forward towards the future.
February 15, 2022
Read this for classs, I thought it was kind of annoying
August 3, 2022
Excellent.
February 1, 2023
Read in one day and already can tell it’s going to change my life.
February 27, 2017
Interesting. I recognize a few types from men I dated in the past. Faults is that this book assumes the man is always a type and is always at fault. I have had great relationships w/men who have not had these faults...just wasn't what I was looking for in a mate. Some are still very good friends -not friend zone with benefits. And some who are suffering from ex's issues that creates tremendous stress and not all of their doing. Take it with a grain of salt!
March 18, 2013
Why did I read this book? Partially, habit. I like to see what rings true for me when other people can succinctly sum things up. Partially because it seemed to be a good reference for character development. And partially because I believe I can never stop working on how to be a better, more effective person.
Marshall concocts a number of different male “types,” and describes how you know this kind of person, and what to do about it. The title reflects the importance of knowing when someone is simply not worth the effort, or when, what they do is a deal breaker and you best just walk (or run) away.
Because of my past career, I appreciated Marshall's attempt to box up personality types, even though I do not think it possible to successfully do so. Her categories are: The Scriptwriter, The Man in Charge, The Man Without Fault, The Invisible Man, The Little Boy Who Poses as a Man. And within these categories are subcategories.
What I liked were the few times the writing shifted to the reader. For example, hypothesizing about why we might be attracted to certain individual traits and behaviors. The blame game might work in the heat of the moment, and when our highest grey matter is not involved, but inevitably relationships are like the tango, and both are making the choice to movie their feet.
When Marshall suggests “working on it,” she does take the time to delve into what sensitivities can cause men to act like jerks. At the end she gives a summary of how to make better choices.
Some of the reading got uncomfortable when Marshall became too casual about the characters she outlined. I guess some of this was meant to be funny, but I found it tasteless and I little bit on the cruel side. And I could not help but wonder if a book that pegged women like this would sell, and what the categories might be.
Marshall concocts a number of different male “types,” and describes how you know this kind of person, and what to do about it. The title reflects the importance of knowing when someone is simply not worth the effort, or when, what they do is a deal breaker and you best just walk (or run) away.
Because of my past career, I appreciated Marshall's attempt to box up personality types, even though I do not think it possible to successfully do so. Her categories are: The Scriptwriter, The Man in Charge, The Man Without Fault, The Invisible Man, The Little Boy Who Poses as a Man. And within these categories are subcategories.
What I liked were the few times the writing shifted to the reader. For example, hypothesizing about why we might be attracted to certain individual traits and behaviors. The blame game might work in the heat of the moment, and when our highest grey matter is not involved, but inevitably relationships are like the tango, and both are making the choice to movie their feet.
When Marshall suggests “working on it,” she does take the time to delve into what sensitivities can cause men to act like jerks. At the end she gives a summary of how to make better choices.
Some of the reading got uncomfortable when Marshall became too casual about the characters she outlined. I guess some of this was meant to be funny, but I found it tasteless and I little bit on the cruel side. And I could not help but wonder if a book that pegged women like this would sell, and what the categories might be.
June 9, 2016
The cover to this book is embarrassing and does not reflect the sound advice within its pages. Like most who picked up this book, I am uneducated about how to decipher my dates and boyfriends intentions and personalities. Before this book I felt that "figuring people out" was narrow minded and insulting because people are dynamic and life changes our moods and opinions every day. However, we all have base line personality types and I couldn't help but see myself in a lot of the personality types Marshall described for men(of course I saw my bf too!). Don't be fooled by the accessible, borderline cheesy format and writing style - this book is full of practical advice that I immediately put to use for myself and my relationship. And! I'll be darned my boyfriend responded immediately to my refreshed approach to improve our situation!
May 28, 2017
Excellent book! Nicely written and enjoyed the author's humor.
The author categorizes bad relationships into 5 categories. Sometimes, a person can cross into multiple categories, though. She gives examples, relays stories of former clients, gives tips on resolving and when to walk. Hence, the "Deal Breaker."
By the time I finished reading the last category I was very discouraged. But, the final chapter was about HEALTHY relationships. What to look for. What to expect. This part I enjoyed very much.
Also, the author spends time explaining when to break up, what to say to break up, the grieving process, guilt, urge to make the right decision, urge to not go back to the relationship....
5 Stars from This Reader.
The author categorizes bad relationships into 5 categories. Sometimes, a person can cross into multiple categories, though. She gives examples, relays stories of former clients, gives tips on resolving and when to walk. Hence, the "Deal Breaker."
By the time I finished reading the last category I was very discouraged. But, the final chapter was about HEALTHY relationships. What to look for. What to expect. This part I enjoyed very much.
Also, the author spends time explaining when to break up, what to say to break up, the grieving process, guilt, urge to make the right decision, urge to not go back to the relationship....
5 Stars from This Reader.
September 10, 2014
This book helps women recognize different destructive types of men, when to work on a relationship, and when to walk away. It is an easy read with good examples and good advice about how to stand up for yourself.
I did take it's advice with a grain of salt though. All the author's examples are ways that men are behaving wrongly. What about women? Doesn't she think there are ways that we also hurt relationships in ways besides accommodating men? I didn't understand why she chose her point of view.
Her types of men are really really stereotypical. I believe that they apply sometimes, but I bet most men are more complicated than she seems to allow.
And lastly, the "girlfriend" style of writing really grates on my nerves. Ugh.
I did take it's advice with a grain of salt though. All the author's examples are ways that men are behaving wrongly. What about women? Doesn't she think there are ways that we also hurt relationships in ways besides accommodating men? I didn't understand why she chose her point of view.
Her types of men are really really stereotypical. I believe that they apply sometimes, but I bet most men are more complicated than she seems to allow.
And lastly, the "girlfriend" style of writing really grates on my nerves. Ugh.
December 16, 2012
It's interesting to read the characteristics of my exes from the listed 5 deal breakers. I'm laughing now but I wasn't then. I hope that I learned from reading this book. I found myself taking notes, I'm not sure if that's smart or pathetic that I can't distinguish deal breakers. The listed characteristics were very insightful and also liked how she went to the psychology why women chose to be with that type of personality. I wish there's a male version of this book so that it would focus too on female attributes and deal breakers. It was a good read and I might refer to this again in the future.
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