The Helen 100: How I took my waxer's advice and cured heartbreak by going on 100 dates in less than a year

by Helen Razer

Life was not a bowl of charm-soaked cherries for the miserable Helen Razer. She worked in discount advertising and wore elastic pants. She did, however, have a long-term girlfriend whose announcement one summer day that she was leaving left the author with nothing. A bewildered Razer takes the advice of her beauty therapist and soon embarks on one hundred dates inside a calendar year. This book is that account. Will she get over the ex? Will she find true love, or even someone to boff her? All will be revealed, in a naked, funny and frankly embarrassing record of a life lived in apps and desperation.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Humor

292 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 25, 2017

About the author

I write words. Generally, in exchange for money.

Reviews

[Helen Razer · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a memoir that records the year following the breakup of a longterm relationship, the author shows alarming boldness. Especially on goodreads, where she has awarded herself five stars, perhaps one and a half more than deserved.

[J · Rating 4 out of 5]

I should begin by saying I don't really like autobiography, and I dislike confessional autobiography in particular. Why have I given this four stars, then? Well. This is the story of what happens post-breakup. I expected, therefore, to read about the author (HR) taking the smashed bits of herself and building them into something new and greater. After all, Hollywood has conditioned me to expect these things. Rather than "Eat Pray Love" I'd hoped for "Rant F**k Laugh." However...that isn't what I found here, or at least not in the form I'd expected. Cue outrage by midway through, when hardly anything (I thought) had "happened" yet. And then, when things began to "happen" (read: the amusing dates promised by the title/blurb) it began to dawn on me that (1) without the early context the second act would have been meaningless, and (2) I was actually reading an actual menoir of an actual experience, and that life isn't known for following genre conventions. Not even conventions of the "Rant F**k Laugh" variety. ANYWAY. There is plenty of ranting, f**king and laughing to keep the reader entertained. There are moments of uncomfortable honesty and depth; things that are true enough that you say "ho ho, jolly accurate, wot" and then find that you're unable to meet your own eye in the mirror because you're not ready to admit that you've thought/behaved in exactly the same way. Tra la la. This, and the social commentary you get alongside the personal anecdotes/reflections are the elements that will make HR's book a memorable read. I've gone for 4 rather than 5 stars because the tangential nature of the writing does require an actual fondness for authorial style rather than story. I dont mind it. You might. ANYWAY. I'd highlighted a couple of quotes that you might find useful in deciding whether to buy this book. Unfortunately, Apple, Allen & Unwin, corporate bastardry and capitalism in general prevent me from simply copying and pasting these witticisms for you to enjoy and subsequently nudge you towards a purchase. Capitalism inevitably contains the seeds of its own destruction, you see. If Marx hasn't told you that, Helen Razer will.

[Zora · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an intriguing proposition : Helen Razer goes on heaps of dates! Then writes about it. Mild spoiler alert: the book is not quite that. Like the better Razer columns, it is an original / fresh take on a dreadful aspect of modern life, in this case break up/ divorce and its aftermath, including the brand new world (for her) of online dating. I laughed, I winced, I underlined sentences and I even enjoyed most of the digressions. She will probably hate this assessment, but in these pages is a kinder, more vulnerable HR who is far harsher on herself than she is on even the most illiterate dick pic peddler.

[David Nguyen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Though the book proves to be somewhat unsatisfying (it doesn't really fulfil its premise; the overall narrative fizzles out sharply by the end), Razer's witty, candid and often lewd prose keeps it very entertaining throughout. If you like her writing (which I do), you'll enjoy this. I laughed heartily on many occasions; the expression "grief chicken" has entered my personal lexicon.

[Natalie S]

There was the bride stripped bare and now there’s the dumped stripped without a care. In The Helen 100, broadcaster and writer, Helen Razer is disarmingly honest in recounting the aftermath of the breakdown of her 15-year relationship. It’s a tale that thumbs its nose at traditional, dating self-help guides and instead offers something more funny and grounded in reality (the pain and heartbreak may be real but Razer sure does know how to make ‘em laugh).

Razer begins her dating odyssey by describing the day one dry Melbourne afternoon when her partner announced without warning that she was leaving and “Needed to grow.” It was only later on when Helen reflected on things (and hacked the ex’s Facebook account) where she learned that the writing had been on the wall for the relationship for some time. Her ex-girlfriend had been cheating on her and there were several occasions where these love trysts happened when Razer was standing several metres away.

Razer takes some tentative steps into the crazy and occasionally frightening world of online dating. She does this with her sweet cat, Eleven by her side and the pair share a diet of barbeque chicken and sadness (it’s a dish best consumed in sorrowful, elasticised pants like pyjamas.) Razer also decides to publicly criticise Coldplay (thank God) and embark on 100 dates inside a year. It will be one point per date and a maximum of five per individual and no, this isn’t an Australian Bridget Jones.

This book is not a gritty tell-all. Do not expect Helen to sit there writing about date one and his bad breath or that date two didn’t turn up. Instead, Razer recounts the exchanges she had with potential suitors on a XXX app (males and females) as well as the recent events in her life (like chucking in her soul-destroying job writing copy for a discount beauty website.) She also describes her world views on politics, which make this book not unlike Lee Zachariah’s Double Dissolution: Heartbreak and Chaos on the Campaign Trail.

Razer is an opinionated individual with some very clear ideas about politics. It is unsurprising then that we see her discussing Marxism with a man in possession of a “Big Slavic cock” (in his humble opinion). We don’t find out if Razer agrees with his assessment because she actually spends her night with this Russian man and his daughter. She is also forcibly restrained in order to watch the Barbie Live show (I may have made up the part about the restraint.)

The Helen 100 is an antidote to love just like Adam Sandler singing “Love Stinks” in The Wedding Singer or if you burn rather than listen to a Cure album. Razer is one cranky and messy lady but damn, she is one we can all relate to. Her story is a fresh take on love and heartbreak in all of its complicated wretchedness. The Helen 100 is an unfiltered and bold conversation that we all need to have and we should be glad that Helen wasn’t afraid to go there- chicken, cat hair and all.

[Jacob Schluter · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is first book in a while that I've devoured in a weekend. And it certainly wasn't what I expected.

I've always enjoyed Helen's writing. This is no exception. I don't want to write a comment / rating that reads like I just read an amazing self help book that make me laugh out loud and feel feelings, but dammit, this book did that. And it did, in a way, do a little self help because there were so many times when I though 'oh jesus, I've done that'. And to the haters who turn their noses up at the mention of the author's name, ffs, this isn't high school and you're just cheating yourself out of a very good read (I am currently not speaking to a friend who asked me 'why are you reading *her*').

My only problem was the end. It felt like it wrapped up too soon. But like I said, I read it all in one weekend and it was so good I did want it to go on. I don't know if Helen has another 100 in her, but this is a format and style of writing that is thoughtful, challenging and entertaining and if I was her publisher, I'd commission a part 2 and make the advance part payable in BBQ chickens.

[Kirsten · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love Helen Razer’s writing. I don’t always love everything she says (I’m no sycophant although I did once blush uncontrollably when flattered in Ms Razer’s presence) but I can still appreciate her turn of phrase while vehemently disagreeing with the content.

So to the Helen 100. It is not, as I was led to believe, ‘Bridget Jones for Marxists’ but a funny, provocative and candid account of life after a breakup, in all its overwrought, filthy, libidinous wretchedness.

I did get a little frustrated with the narrative, this isn’t exactly a retelling of Razer’s experience of 100 dates and you feel like you’re half way through the book before she even goes on one date but the payoff is sweet, some lessons in heartbreak and politics and sexuality (and the politics of sexuality), absolutely superb banter and yes, a glimpse of hope. I won’t tell Karl if you don’t.

[Simob · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished reading and thank you Helen I laughed and loved it. Many of your thoughts echoed mine. Cheap Gerard is right, in a fashion. Thanks again for sharing a real divorce story, figurative warts and all. Best wishes and highly recommend from a 43 year old divorcee. PS: looking forward to the sequel X

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book after hearing Helen interviewed on RN by Richard Fidler. Her story is told with a directness enhanced by her command of language both profane and well-read. Although there is personal pain involved in her story I take my lead from her interview to see this book as a comedy of manners. I enjoyed her book.

[Suefmw · Rating 5 out of 5]

Blindingly searing honest and I got in early so cheap cheap cheap. Want an audio book version. Australia's best author no doubt. Notice no ! Or unnecessary Capitals. Hope I past muster.

[Carlene · Rating 5 out of 5]

4 stars because #Brave
5th star awarded for author's own review

[Kathy Fogarty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this so much. As an age contemporary and with memories of Helen and Mikey on Triple J, I slipped into this book with a sense that there’d be some no holds barred truth telling of one sort or another. Funny, honest, rude, clever and very kind. And a lovely exposition on cats.

[Andrea Barnett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Warning it's crude, but put the prude aside for so many laugh-out-louds. 1 point off for the abrupt fizzle of an ending.

[Loki · Rating 4 out of 5]

An enjoyably silly and self-deprecating take on dealing with a breakup. I laughed out loud several times while reading it, and almost wanted to be going through a breakup of my own to appreciate it more. This isn't a book that lays everything out chronologically, which can get annoying at times, and nor is it one that concludes, so much as just abruptly ending.

[Jessica · Rating 4 out of 5]

I bought this book because I'm in the middle of muddling my way through another breakup. Although I'm more partial to pita bread and chocolate than roast chicken, I spent today glued to 'The Helen 100', painfully identifying with Helen. This memoir is hilarious and the most accurate book I've read about heartbreak and it's ability to drastically alter one's personal hygiene standards.

[Rosie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Divorce and then dating memoir/advice with a Marxist bent. Yes you need this in your life (you might not know it yet). Highlights include the truth bomb that there are few things more bourgeois than adultery and shabby chic decorating. Happy reading.

[Tamzin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the black jellybean of memoirs, a little bit challenging for the tastebuds, probably not to everyone's liking, but a sweet chewy morsel of goodness none the less. A superb piece of work.

[Raz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Ehh honestly, I think Helen Razer is actually a good writer but 95% of the time she falls back on 'curmudgeonly self-loathing lefty snob' and it gets old pretty quick. It's funny on tv/radio because she's got the charisma to make it fun, but I'm not sure it works so well when you're reading 200+ pages of it.

To be fair, it's not *awful* either, it's just that the very few instances in this book where she shows genuine unfiltered affection for her cat or her close friends are about 1000 times more interesting to me than seeing the same schtick we've all seen for decades now. There's one very short chapter near the end about her cat where I think the writing is elevated so far beyond the rest of the book that I gave it its own star...I would have liked to see more of this Helen.

Also #spoileralert she doesn't actually go on 100 dates, which is kinda disappointing given that it's the whole premise of the book 😝

[Nikki · Rating 4 out of 5]

So many questions about this book, still.

[Melinda Crumblin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a fan from back in the triple j days so was very interested to read this . I love Helen's writing, even though I don't agree with everything she says and quite often I feel uncomfortable reading her stuff. I enjoyed this, it made me laugh and feel sorry for Helen and pretty much most people she encountered during this time in her life. 😏 I did have to put the book aside for a while when she made her absurd comments about Larissa Waters breastfeeding! But I picked it up again yesterday and finished reading in one sitting. This story is not for the feint hearted, but then again, neither is life, right?

[Jess Bridgford · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you adore Helen’s writing style, which I do, you will love this book. Helen is incredibly self aware and hilarious. I smashed this book in one day.

[Jo Waugh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Bloody funny. Couldn't get enough of Helen's keen observations about dating, splitting up, seeking that something and the ways we are our own worst enemy at times.

[Bab · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've always liked Helen Razer's writing. For those of you outside Australia, she's a columnist who mixes Marxist analysis with self-deprecating humour, sharply-observed satire and takedowns of pop-cultural icons. Sort of like Chapo Trap House, but before all that and probably a bit more broad-church in the sense that she is an LGBT feminist as well. Somehow despite her politics she has managed to get enough work in the Australian media to not starve, and even put on a few kilos now and then. Which is remarkable when you consider that the Australian press is basically a broom cupboard that Rupert Murdoch bought with his lunch money when he was still at pre-school. Anyway.

I quite liked this. Its funny, well written and poignantly touching at points along the way. Also I borrowed it from the library so I didn't have to pay anything, which was good as I am a bit skint at the moment. Sorry Helen. If you have a Paypal account or whatever I can try and throw you a few bones.

[Helen Thurloe · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funny, pathetic, honest. And very well edited; pacy, then reflective, with not a semi-colon out of place. Unlike some other readers, I thought the ending worked. Thanks for (over)sharing, Helen.

[Grace · Rating 3 out of 5]

I picked this up cause I knew it would be entertaining. I am so conflicted in how I feel about Helen Razer - I love parts of her and parts of her make me feel like I want to scream at her. But I guess at least she makes me feel stuff?!

This was, as expected, both hilarious and depressing. The whole internet dating world can be so gross to me and I did enjoy the highs and lows shared in this book. Also the fact that Helen is who she is and doesn't really apologise for that.

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book to freshly jilted humans. Much better than the mindfulness dreck of The Untethered Soul, which I borrowed on the recommendation of some break up reads listicle, only to give up on just one chapter in. The Helen One Hundred made me laugh countless times which is no small miracle when you are but a husk of a human. It was particularly comforting to read a break up book written by a fellow queer/ non-heterosexual woman, with the specificities that a break up of a non-heterosexual relationship nature entails. In saying that, I would recommend this book to any human, regardless of sexuality, who has recently been given the boot.

[Pandora · Rating 3 out of 5]

You can't not love Helen Razer, really. She's like the unholy love child of Courtney Love and Dr House, after reading the complete works of Karl Marx. But I was a little disappointed in this one, comparing it to 'Gas Smells Awful' or 'In Pursuit Of Hygiene'.
The '100 Dates' thing feels like it was dropped in at the last minute, to give it the book a "USP" or whatever the fuck they call it. People like lists, I get that. But that's not what the book is about. It's a brief memoir of Razer's breakup with her wife of 15 years, and while it has a lot of clever stuff to say about Gen Xer's and how we deal with breakups and what in the everloving fuck is Tinder, etc, it never really hits its stride and then it abruptly ends.
And when Razer hits her stride, she can *really* write. When you look at who the Gen Y girls have to hold up as role models, for example, someone whose name rhymes with 'Asinine Bored' is Dolly magazine in comparison to Razer.
Disclaimer: reading 'Gas Smells Awful' pretty much saved my life, so, I can't discount some bias happening.

[Wendy · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book came up on my book club list. I recently asked one of the members what he thought of the book as he had read it in advance and very nicely he said, 'oh it's not really my type of book.' Ok fair enough. Not knowing a thing about this book i have proceeded to read this book. Sorry to say but it's not my type of book either and I have to admit I haven't been able to finish it either. I am no prude but I have found this book to be the most vulgar and crass book I have ever read. The premise of the book sounded ok with the main character dealing with a break up of a lesbian relationship and how she goes on the rebound by going on 100 dates with men. Ultimately I have found the whole story quite sad as it tells of a middle aged woman who is desperate to have sex and/or a relationship. I also think the author was trying too hard for a shock factor. Ultimately, I really have nothing good to say about this book...just not my thing at all. Sorry.

[Lola Montgomery Marley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book demands to have sections read out loud. Preferably to a similarly over-educated sensitive yet bravely honest soul to savour the true hilarity of trying to pick up in the age of Tinder - while being chronically unable to not engage intensely in cultural theory at the same time. Also must be ok with a lot of talk of vagina, barbecue chicken, heartbreak and a cat named Eleven.

This book is raw, candid, honest, heartbreaking and laugh-out-loud funny.

[Louise · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did (mostly) really enjoy The Helen 100, although I was uncomfortable with Helen's exploits at times I was very comfortable with her vast wit and humour and intellectual capacity. It's an interesting read for the brave.

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