I know Karl Ove Knausgaard better than I know anyone else. Better than my husband, child, parents, brother, friends or colleagues. Perhaps even better than my dog, because who knows, maybe she has thoughts going on inside her small spaniel head that I’ll never know. But Karl Ove has told me everything. I know how he feels about each and every family member, friends present and past. I know the order in which he likes to stack a dishwasher, and I know about (and share) his belief that driving is essentially a death game. I know the brand of detergent he uses to clean out the bath before his kids get in it every night and it has left me wondering if I am doing something wrong. I share his scorn for what has to be the Stokke Xplory stroller: “The buggy was the ridiculous type with a thin stalk-like rod going from the wheels which the basket-seat with the child rested on” (A Man in Love). I know about the time he took a dump out of a tree and I know each and every step he took one New Year’s Eve in the mid-1980s. I know about every girl he has felt a mild or strong attraction to and I know some things about Karl Ove that are so mortifying, I can’t bring myself to write them. I know how his first marriage ended and his second marriage began. I know the exact order in which he cleaned his grandmother’s putrid home after his father had died there, and the cleaning products he used. Strangely, I also know a lot about what he thinks about Hitler. I know all this because Knausgaard has told me, and anyone else who has the stamina, in over 3,600 pages of meticulously detailed text and now I’m not sure that I’ll ever be the same.
After reading the first book in the My Struggle series over the new year (A Death in the Family, previously reviewed), I needed the rest of the series, as Zadie Smith has said, like crack. What I hadn’t quite realised is how immersive the experience would be. I have spent six months snatching moments intended for something else to spend with Karl Ove, whether he was writing about his first years in Sweden (A Man in Love), his childhood and early teenage years in Tromøya (Boyhood Island), setting off at age 18 to the remote north of Norway to teach in a school (Dancing in the Dark), his years as a student, the publication of his first book and his first marriage in Bergen (Some Rain Must Fall) and finally, the impact of the publication of the preceding books (The End). While the subsequent books perhaps don’t quite match the level of detail found in Book One, as a reader Knausgaard is ever-present with you. From almost every experience, there is something to relate to, and because of his brutal honesty, we are constantly worried about how these books are going to affect those that appear in it when they end up in the world.
In this way, to read Knausgaard is to live your own life more intensely. For the last six months, whenever I have been stuck with my own thoughts, I begin to describe every mundane action in Karl Ove’s exacting detail, from getting my daughter ready for school in the morning to stacking the dishwasher at night. Particularly for parents of young children, reading Knausgaard becomes an inherently meta experience. Writing this review, I have stolen moments while ostensibly watching my daughter’s swimming lesson, while she played in Småland at IKEA, and composed parts of it in my head while doing laps in the outdoor pool. (While Knausgaard can drink, smoke and write me under the table, I can smugly say that his idea of a decent distance and speed at which to swim are decidedly, well, Scandinavian).
These books are about everything, but they are especially about family. Karl Ove’s father may be buried in Book One but his shadow hangs over the rest of the books, particularly Boyhood Island (Book Three), which is the story of Karl Ove’s childhood on the island of Tromøya. This book takes a different narrative approach to the others, in that is told almost completely chronologically, with none of the present day flash-forwards to contrast with the past events. He continues to describe his life in painstaking detail, but with a childish lens so that Knausgaard does not make the explicit link between his father’s emotional, verbal and physical abuse and anything that comes after. Of course Knausgaard’s father continues to loom large in this book, but it is also a nostalgic depiction of a time when children could be gone for hours without parents worrying, free to defecate out of trees, explore the local tip and drop rocks onto cars. (Heaven forbid that the young Karl Ove should lose a sock or eat two apples in one day though-- both crimes that his father went ballistic over).
Knausgaard’s mother is perhaps the only under-explored character in the books and this particularly notable in Book Three. She is there in the background of Karl Ove and Yngve’s childhood but her presence fades in the face of the boys’ terror of their father and his horrible treatment of them. Karl Ove says this quite directly: “She was always there, I know she was, but I just can’t remember it” (Boyhood Island). The mystery about his mother, Sissel, is that she tolerated her husband’s treatment of her sons and stayed with him for so many years. Even when they finally divorce, the parents seem quite neutral about it, accepting their separation as the natural progression of something that has run its course. This is not something that Karl Ove explores in depth, and while everyone else in Knausgaard’s life has been subjected to a warts-and-all (mostly warts in some cases) analysis, Sissel largely escapes this lens. She is consistently presented as loving and well-meaning, and Karl Ove defends her vigorously in the face of any criticism from Linda. In Book Six he writes that he had asked his mother not to read Book Three, fearing that she would be hurt by what she would find there. The most damning thing he writes about Sissel is in one of the book’s only breaks from chronological narrative, where he questions whether Sissel’s inaction amounted to enablement: “The question is whether she was not responsible for exposing us to him over so many years, a man we were afraid of, always, at all times. The question is whether it is enough to be a counterbalance to the darkness” (Boyhood Island).
Linda, by contrast, continues to be examined with a lens so critical that as readers, we wonder whether it’s ethical to be reading these books. After a passionate yet already tumultuous love affair that begins almost immediately upon his arrival in Sweden at the start of Book Two (and comes hot on the heels of his sudden and mysterious departure from first wife Tonje in Bergen), Karl Ove quickly begins to fall out of love, or at least into annoyance, with Linda. He knows that she suffers from bipolar disorder and was hospitalised for a year before they got together, but Karl Ove’s belief is that this is behind her and he does not ever really try to understand her limitations or how her illness may affect her. He finds her dreams and plans to be childish and is constantly resentful about her lack of attention to practical matters. In Linda’s mind she is doing most of the work that comes with having a large family but Karl Ove’s perspective is that he is doing all of the housework, most of the child-rearing and all of the bread-winning. He continues to maintain this perspective well into Book Six, where we can see disaster looming because the first book in the series is about to be published. Every person mentioned in the book has received an advance copy for approval, and yet Linda, who is the most negatively-portrayed character other than Karl Ove’s deceased father, is yet to sight the manuscript. It appears that he does not think her opinion is worth soliciting, that the books will be published regardless of what she thinks and that, like their children, she is too immature to have a say. Yet Linda is not unaware of this:
‘There’s so much contempt in you,’ she said. ‘I know you look down on me.’
‘Look down on you? I certainly do not!’ I said.
‘Yes, you do. You think I do too little. I whinge all the time. I’m not independent enough. You’re sick of this life of ours. And of me. You never tell me I’m beautiful anymore. Actually I don’t mean anything to you. I’m just someone you live with who happens to be the mother of your children.’ (The End)
It takes a major crisis for Karl Ove to realise what he has asked Linda to do. As the deadline for completing the final book is looming, Linda suffers a major depressive episode and is hospitalised. Karl Ove has to drop everything and devote himself to the children-- particularly Vanja, who is about to start school. He realises, too late, that Linda’s dreams are part of who she is and that by showing Linda (and the rest of the world) that those dreams are not shared with him, he is damaging her sense of self. Knausgaard does not explicitly address whether he believes the books led directly to Linda’s breakdown or not, but it doesn’t take a genius to know that they couldn’t have helped.
In the early books, Knausgaard’s descriptions of parenting are just as brutal as his depictions of Linda, and ring horribly true for anyone but the most unnaturally devoted parents. Let’s face it, our struggle to keep our own identity whilst being constantly present, emotionally and physically, for our children is a near-impossible task (and this is before you have added in other societal demands such as paid work, friendships, family relationships and so on). Karl Ove does not handle this struggle well, particularly in the early years of having children. He sees his children as a group of chore-creating creatures, whose daily requirements have to be got through with as little effort as possible. In the first book, he describes shaking his toddlers and shouting with rage. As the children become older and as the series progresses, however, there is a subtle shift in his attitude. The children begin to show their own personalities and Karl Ove begins to identify with them as people. He stops shouting and shaking, and tries to understand them. By Book Six, his children still take up all his time but he is much happier to spend his time in this way. By contrast, his writing becomes a drag, with looming deadlines and constant ramifications from the books that have already been published. Whereas earlier, Karl Ove gave no thought to the impact the books would have on his children, by the end of Book Six, he writes, “This book has hurt everyone around me, it has hurt me, and in a few years, when they are old enough to read it, it will hurt my children.” (Part Nine, The End). He also knows, and fears, that his earlier behaviour will have ramifications:
“The way I had behaved during the first three or four years of having children, when, much too often, I took out my frustrations on them, must have affected their self-esteem, the one thing in them you, as a parent, mustn’t fuck up. I had got out of this, it hardly ever happened any more, we never argued in front of them now and I never lost my temper, but I said a silent prayer almost every day that this hadn’t left any marks, that what I had done wasn’t beyond redress.”
Karl Ove has tried not to be his father and he does seem to be succeeding at this on a day-to-day level. How his children will react when they come to read the books is another matter. It will be very challenging for Vanja, Heidi, John and Anne to read how oppressive their father found their early years, but these books are also an amazing account of their father’s life that no-one else has. They will never have to wonder what their father was really like, what he really thought, what he really did. So many of us never know our parents as people, or have insight into their true thoughts. In this way, Karl Ove has given his children an incredible, if burdensome, gift. When they come to read the books, they will almost definitely need therapy, but they will never have to say that they didn’t know their father.
By the end of Book Six, we feel that we know everything. (We also know 450 pages of information about Hitler, which I could have done without.) No stone is left unturned. While in Books One and Two we are left wondering if we will ever know what happens with Tonje, at the end of Book Five, we find out. We do not understand why Karl Ove never calls his father by his name, but when we learn of the fuss wrought by his uncle Gunnar in Book Six, we finally understand (and in one of the most moving passages of the series, towards the very end of Book Six we do in fact find out his father’s name). As the publication of the books in Norway catches up to the time at which Karl Ove is writing, readers feel they know him too. A woman approaches Karl Ove at an airport in Norway:
‘How big Vanja and Heidi are!’ she said, and laughed.
‘Yes,’ I said.
‘But I won’t pester you any more. Have a good journey home. I suppose you’re going to Malmö, aren’t you?’
I nodded.
‘Bye,’ I said with a smile.
Vanja looked up at me.
‘Do you know her, dad?’ she said.
‘No,’ I said. ‘Never seen her before.’
‘But how did she know who we were?’ she said.
‘I’ve written a book about us.’ I said.
‘You’ve written a book about us?’ she said.
‘Yes,’
‘What’s in it?’
‘All sorts of strange things,’ I said. ‘You’ll have to read it when you’re bigger.’ (The End)
It must be such a strange life for Karl Ove Knausgaard now. He is recognised everywhere (he has a very recognisable face, and a very unusual name, even in Norway). Everyone who has read his books feels that they know him intimately, and yet he is a very private person who probably has nothing to say to any of us. His marriage to Linda has ended, but not before (astonishingly in the circumstances) they had a fourth child together. He says at the end of Book Six that he is no longer a writer, but he has to speak about his writing all the time.
It seems trite to say that these books are life-changing, but that is what they are. They hold up a mirror to our own lives, as if to say, “What are you doing? How are you doing it? Why?” at every moment of every day. Knausgaard’s struggle is no longer just his to bear. He has passed it on to his readers. And while not all of us, thankfully, are brave enough to do what Knausgaard has done, at least we should be brave enough to read him.