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Who Would You Be Without Your Story?: Dialogues with Byron Katie
This book is a collection of 15 dialogues that occurred throughout the United States and Europe with Byron Katie. Some of the people who worked with Katie have painful illnesses, others are lovelorn or in messy divorces. Some are simply irritated with a co-worker or worried about money. What they all have in common is a willingness to question, with Katie’s help, the painful thoughts that are the true cause of their suffering. In every case we see how Katie’s acute mind and fierce kindness helps each person dismantle for themselves what is felt to be unshakable reality.
Although these dialogues make fascinating reading—some are both hilarious and deeply moving at once—they are intended primarily as teaching tools. Each took place in front of an audience, and Katie never lost connection with that audience, repeatedly reminding each person in the room to follow the dialogues inwardly, asking themselves the questions the participant must ask. The dialogue between Katie and these volunteers is an external enactment of precisely the kind of dialogue each person can have with their own thoughts. The results, even in the seemingly most dire situation, can be unimagined freedom and joy.
Although these dialogues make fascinating reading—some are both hilarious and deeply moving at once—they are intended primarily as teaching tools. Each took place in front of an audience, and Katie never lost connection with that audience, repeatedly reminding each person in the room to follow the dialogues inwardly, asking themselves the questions the participant must ask. The dialogue between Katie and these volunteers is an external enactment of precisely the kind of dialogue each person can have with their own thoughts. The results, even in the seemingly most dire situation, can be unimagined freedom and joy.
330 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2008
178 people are currently reading
1209 people want to read
About the author
Byron Katie
107 books1,148 followersByron Kathleen Mitchell, better known as Byron Katie, is an American speaker, writer, and founder of a method of self-inquiry called The Work of Byron Katie or simply The Work.
Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. She was a businesswoman and mother who lived in Barstow, a small town in the high desert of southern California. For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia, rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide; for the last two years she was often unable to leave her bedroom. Then, one morning in February 1986, while in a halfway house for women with eating disorders, she experienced a life-changing realization. In that moment, she says,
Soon afterward people started seeking her out and asking how they could find the freedom that they saw in her. As reports spread about the transformations they felt they were experiencing through The Work, she was invited to present it publicly elsewhere in California, then throughout the United States, and eventually in Europe and across the world.
The Work has been compared to the Socratic method and to Zen meditation, but Katie is not aligned with any religion or tradition. She describes self-inquiry as an embodiment, in words, of the wordless questioning that had woken up in her on that February morning. She has shared The Work with millions of people at public events, in prisons, hospitals, churches, V. A. treatment centers, corporations, universities, and schools. Participants at her weekend workshops, the nine-day School for The Work, and the twenty-eight-day residential Turnaround House report profound experiences and lasting transformations. “Katie’s events are riveting to watch,” the Times of London reported. Eckhart Tolle calls The Work “a great blessing for our planet.” And Time magazine named Katie a “spiritual innovator for the new millennium.”
Katie is married to the writer and translator Stephen Mitchell, who co-wrote Loving What Is, A Thousand Names for Joy, and A Mind at Home with Itself. I Need Your Love—Is That True? was written with Michael Katz, her literary agent at the time. Her other books are Question Your Thinking, Change The World; Who Would You Be Without Your Story?; Peace in the Present Moment, with Eckhart Tolle, A Friendly Universe, and, for children, Tiger-Tiger, Is It True? and The Four Questions. On her website thework.com, you will find detailed instructions about The Work; video and audio clips; Katie's calendar of events; event registration; free downloads, including the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet; interviews; apps for your iPhone, iPad, or Android; a free newsletter; a free helpline; and the online store. You might also want to visit Katie's Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook pages, and her live-streaming webcast page, livewithbyronkatie.com.
Katie became severely depressed in her early thirties. She was a businesswoman and mother who lived in Barstow, a small town in the high desert of southern California. For nearly a decade she spiraled down into paranoia, rage, self-loathing, and constant thoughts of suicide; for the last two years she was often unable to leave her bedroom. Then, one morning in February 1986, while in a halfway house for women with eating disorders, she experienced a life-changing realization. In that moment, she says,
I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment.
Soon afterward people started seeking her out and asking how they could find the freedom that they saw in her. As reports spread about the transformations they felt they were experiencing through The Work, she was invited to present it publicly elsewhere in California, then throughout the United States, and eventually in Europe and across the world.
The Work has been compared to the Socratic method and to Zen meditation, but Katie is not aligned with any religion or tradition. She describes self-inquiry as an embodiment, in words, of the wordless questioning that had woken up in her on that February morning. She has shared The Work with millions of people at public events, in prisons, hospitals, churches, V. A. treatment centers, corporations, universities, and schools. Participants at her weekend workshops, the nine-day School for The Work, and the twenty-eight-day residential Turnaround House report profound experiences and lasting transformations. “Katie’s events are riveting to watch,” the Times of London reported. Eckhart Tolle calls The Work “a great blessing for our planet.” And Time magazine named Katie a “spiritual innovator for the new millennium.”
Katie is married to the writer and translator Stephen Mitchell, who co-wrote Loving What Is, A Thousand Names for Joy, and A Mind at Home with Itself. I Need Your Love—Is That True? was written with Michael Katz, her literary agent at the time. Her other books are Question Your Thinking, Change The World; Who Would You Be Without Your Story?; Peace in the Present Moment, with Eckhart Tolle, A Friendly Universe, and, for children, Tiger-Tiger, Is It True? and The Four Questions. On her website thework.com, you will find detailed instructions about The Work; video and audio clips; Katie's calendar of events; event registration; free downloads, including the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet; interviews; apps for your iPhone, iPad, or Android; a free newsletter; a free helpline; and the online store. You might also want to visit Katie's Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook pages, and her live-streaming webcast page, livewithbyronkatie.com.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
September 4, 2020
As a therapist, I find this woman and her "Work" utterly disturbing. I consider CBT a very limited form of therapy and use it along with other methods, but this is CBT taken to it's absolute worst end. The turnaround method can be extremely damaging to survivors of sexual assault, those who are surviving racism, to those who are marginalized, and it completely decenters any conversations around structural and systemic oppression. It offers a wide berth for white spiritual bypass, and seems to be almost neoliberal in its desire to override any real conversation about economic despair and the behaviors of the rich and powerful. It goes hand-in-hand with the way in which mindfulness is used by corporations to blame workers for appalling work conditions. The interviews seemed incredibly manipulative and avoidant, the fact that she calls everyone sweetheart is part of the manipulation, and her endless turnarounds become ridiculous at some point, they are a hypnotic way of her setting an agenda for someone else's healing. Would you really trust someone who claims they haven't been affected by a thought in 30 years?
April 27, 2011
I think you either really "get" Katie, or you don't. If you do, you'll like this book. However, if you haven't tried anything by her before, I strongly suggest starting with "Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life", where she better explains how to do The Work. In this book, she's just "doing" The Work with lots of different people, and demonstrating how effective The Work is with nearly any type of problem.
I am continually amazed at how Katie's system of questioning your thoughts really works. Reading this book was like a refresher course, a reminder to keep questioning. And there's just something so positive and upbeat about Katie, that just reading this book made me feel good.
I am continually amazed at how Katie's system of questioning your thoughts really works. Reading this book was like a refresher course, a reminder to keep questioning. And there's just something so positive and upbeat about Katie, that just reading this book made me feel good.
March 18, 2024
HIGHLIGHTS:
1. FREE:
- Free the mind, and the body follows.
2. JUDGEMENTS: As soon as we sit in these judgments and we can see where they are true about ourselves, our whole life changes. And that’s the power of truth.
- Judging as with the minders. What you can begin to do is write your judgments down and question them. That will give you a sane, happy life.
- There’s a lot of freedom in “I don’t know “. It’s being a child. This is very sweet. There’s nothing to know. It’s level ground.
3. PEACE:
- Obeying the law is peace.
- Arguing with the law, and trying to get away with something, creates a lot of stress in your life.
- I love the law of the land.
- They make my life very simple.
- And when we’re free inside, no government can take that freedom from us.
4. STAY IN YOUR OWN BUSINESS:
- Mentally stay in your own business.
- If you live this way, we will follow you.
- You’re the living example.
- We teach where we live, not what we talk about.
- If people stop growing and learning, the world gets scary.
- What is hell for you may not be hell for someone else.
- It’s our thoughts that drive us crazy, not death, not the loss of a child, not life at all. Our thoughts about life, are a lack of sobriety, that is the lack of some of the sobriety. Our stressful thoughts, until we question them, we’re drunk.
5. INTEGRITY:
- Put integrity above superstition.
- Just face it head-on.
6. WHAT YES MEANS:
- if I say yes to him and it’s not true for me, I’m the one who throws things off balance, not him.
- If I say yes when I may know, I train him to order me around.
7. DISHONEST YES:
- When you give a dishonest yes, you lose respect for yourself.
- The next time that happens, you’ll feel a lack of respect.
- At that moment, you can change your mind if you want.
- You’re free.
8. MADE UP REALITIES:
- All our realities are kind of made-up projections.
- I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and gods. For me, the word God means reality is God because it rules. Anything that’s out of my control, your control, and everyone else control, I called that God‘s business.
- It’s in our internal seeking that the enemy holds the answers for us. They have the answers if we’re in a hurry.
- You’re getting a glimpse of your ego and how it distorts your world. And when the power moves to another polarity, you start living in a state of clarity and joy.
- The reason people don’t like to be alone is that they’re alone with their thoughts. And if you aren’t at peace with what you think, you don’t like the company you keep.
9. WISDOM INSIDE:
- That’s the power of going inside to that wisdom inside you.
- When we see your patterns and were awake to them after the fact, then we tend not to make the same mistakes again. And when we do, we are aware of them. And it changes everything.
10. YOUR PATH:
- Your path is showing you what’s necessary.
1. FREE:
- Free the mind, and the body follows.
2. JUDGEMENTS: As soon as we sit in these judgments and we can see where they are true about ourselves, our whole life changes. And that’s the power of truth.
- Judging as with the minders. What you can begin to do is write your judgments down and question them. That will give you a sane, happy life.
- There’s a lot of freedom in “I don’t know “. It’s being a child. This is very sweet. There’s nothing to know. It’s level ground.
3. PEACE:
- Obeying the law is peace.
- Arguing with the law, and trying to get away with something, creates a lot of stress in your life.
- I love the law of the land.
- They make my life very simple.
- And when we’re free inside, no government can take that freedom from us.
4. STAY IN YOUR OWN BUSINESS:
- Mentally stay in your own business.
- If you live this way, we will follow you.
- You’re the living example.
- We teach where we live, not what we talk about.
- If people stop growing and learning, the world gets scary.
- What is hell for you may not be hell for someone else.
- It’s our thoughts that drive us crazy, not death, not the loss of a child, not life at all. Our thoughts about life, are a lack of sobriety, that is the lack of some of the sobriety. Our stressful thoughts, until we question them, we’re drunk.
5. INTEGRITY:
- Put integrity above superstition.
- Just face it head-on.
6. WHAT YES MEANS:
- if I say yes to him and it’s not true for me, I’m the one who throws things off balance, not him.
- If I say yes when I may know, I train him to order me around.
7. DISHONEST YES:
- When you give a dishonest yes, you lose respect for yourself.
- The next time that happens, you’ll feel a lack of respect.
- At that moment, you can change your mind if you want.
- You’re free.
8. MADE UP REALITIES:
- All our realities are kind of made-up projections.
- I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and gods. For me, the word God means reality is God because it rules. Anything that’s out of my control, your control, and everyone else control, I called that God‘s business.
- It’s in our internal seeking that the enemy holds the answers for us. They have the answers if we’re in a hurry.
- You’re getting a glimpse of your ego and how it distorts your world. And when the power moves to another polarity, you start living in a state of clarity and joy.
- The reason people don’t like to be alone is that they’re alone with their thoughts. And if you aren’t at peace with what you think, you don’t like the company you keep.
9. WISDOM INSIDE:
- That’s the power of going inside to that wisdom inside you.
- When we see your patterns and were awake to them after the fact, then we tend not to make the same mistakes again. And when we do, we are aware of them. And it changes everything.
10. YOUR PATH:
- Your path is showing you what’s necessary.
October 30, 2013
Some good examples of how we create untrue thoughts or stories about other people or about situations that negatively affect our lives. She shows how to do what she calls "The Work" on your thoughts to identify whether or not we can absolutely know that they are true, or if we are just creating a "story". We all have stories about ourselves and others that bring us down or create negativity in our lives. Her work has inspired me to not only question my responses to others, but also to question my belief about others before responding; it will also aid in my health coaching to help others see where they may be stuck in negative stories in their own lives.
March 31, 2012
What we all think of as our own personal burden, or personal triumph, or stressful thought is actually not unique, not special, not our own. It is simply the human condition. Katie points out that there is no such thing as a "new" stressful thought. They are all recycled, and more interestingly, OPTIONAL. We can set these burdens down and see past them if we simply choose to do so.
The Work of Katie is actually a life changing experience for those interested in finding out what is true. Recommended, highly.
The Work of Katie is actually a life changing experience for those interested in finding out what is true. Recommended, highly.
October 13, 2009
A little confusing at the beginning but overall a good read. It is dialogues from different conferences she's held. A great perspective about changing the way you think to have a better life. She really gets at people for making excuses, or blaming others for the way their life is or the way they feel and makes them look at themselves to find out the real root of their unhappiness.
December 27, 2009
very interesting illustrations of how to parse the stories we create to understand and explain to others the narratives of our lives, and how we get locked into believing them even when they aren't true, because they serve some purpose. Taking those stories apart makes fresh perspectives possible and often changes our perspective radically. I'd love to see her in action!
December 29, 2008
Katie Byron is always inspiring! The biggest lesson I learned from this book is to not get angry or frustrated with my thoughts, but rather approach them with understanding. It's way easier to allow my thoughts to let go of me rather than me trying to let go of my thoughts. :)
August 31, 2013
If it has been some time since you read Loving What Is, this is the perfect fresh-up. These examples feel just as brutal and weird and unlocking as those in the earlier book, and why would you want it any other way.
November 7, 2014
Another challenging book by Byron Katie? Our stories really aren't all that important but boy how we torture ourselves by thinking they are. Read it. It's good.
November 27, 2022
Truly appreciate the concept of questioning our thoughts. The application as another reviewer notes truly can / seems quite harmful to marginalized communities and or experiences of pure harm. I would recommend if utilizing this tool it isn’t applied in situations like: harassment, sexual abuse, racism, or any structure that literally oppresses a human. Our thoughts are powerful AND we must hold humans and systems accountable for harm. My two cents.
Two star because if applied responsibly and in certain contexts, trust this model can / does have value.
Two star because if applied responsibly and in certain contexts, trust this model can / does have value.
September 19, 2021
I had heard about Byron Katie’s “ The Work” and was interested to know more about it. The work is a method of self inquiry where you examine your thoughts or a thought using four questions and then delve deeper.
In this book, Katie has conversations or dialogues with fifteen people in various workshops that took place in the US and Europe.
The book was fascinating and life changing. Her process is simple and very effective.
In this book, Katie has conversations or dialogues with fifteen people in various workshops that took place in the US and Europe.
The book was fascinating and life changing. Her process is simple and very effective.
June 18, 2024
Loved this book for the way it allows you to practice The Work by following along with the examples. I can imagine it would be a perfect companion to "Loving what is", less as a standalone book.
I enjoy examples and seeing something applied over and over again. Until the end, there was a new piece that would click for me in every example.
I enjoy examples and seeing something applied over and over again. Until the end, there was a new piece that would click for me in every example.
August 13, 2025
Af en toe een beetje dwingend, maar ook heel verhelderend: kijk al je problemen recht in hun bek, besef dat alles, echt alles, een verhaal is. Waarschijnlijk hebben de gesprekspartners van Katie wel direct een strippenkaart voor een psycholoog nodig, maar uiteindelijk zal het louterend geweest zijn voor hen. En ook voor de lezer.
October 8, 2018
Reframe your life!
If you’re stuck anywhere in your life, on some sort of treadmill, this book will definitely help you to start living again. Yes, away from the blame and back to the joy!
If you’re stuck anywhere in your life, on some sort of treadmill, this book will definitely help you to start living again. Yes, away from the blame and back to the joy!
January 1, 2019
I read this in the spring... it was amazing to go through her questions and work through stories I’ve been holding onto. But it hasn’t stuck with me as a continuing practice unfortunately. I should revisit.
March 20, 2024
While the 4 questions for reframing thought patterns are useful/interesting, this approach overall feels very damaging and dangerous. Folks who love Louise Hay and The Forum (based on damaging EST principles and renamed by moi The Coliseum) will love this shizz: I say HARD PASS.
December 16, 2017
Interesting philosophy. I didn't like the "dialogue" set up of the book, it starts to feel very redundant after the first 2-3 examples.
July 22, 2019
Great book
Really good book. A must read for anyone who is struggling with blame, forgiveness or stress. Do the suggested exercises at the end.
Really good book. A must read for anyone who is struggling with blame, forgiveness or stress. Do the suggested exercises at the end.
January 9, 2020
These questions could change your life. Why not see for yourself?
May 30, 2020
By questioning our thought we can free ourselves of those that hold us back from compassion for ourselves and others. Byron Katie does this better than anyone else and teaches us how to do it.
November 15, 2022
Perhaps the material is good but the book is fluffy. The translated version makes it worse.
December 14, 2022
Kinda hard to get through for me
May 2, 2023
I wish she wrote more instead of dialogue but it was so interesting.
June 30, 2024
Powerful
This is a must read. Sit in who Katie is being in these conversations. There are so much gold in here. Read for information. Read twice for transformation.
This is a must read. Sit in who Katie is being in these conversations. There are so much gold in here. Read for information. Read twice for transformation.
January 1, 2016
I love this book and anything she has written. This too is life changing. What is helpful about this book is that Katie interviews a lot of different people about their particular concerns and you can see how applicable the Four Questions work is to absolutely any area of your life that you want to look at and discover the truth about.
I have been doing the Four Questions work for about three years now and this year I have started doing formal work on it. I have learned so much.
I have been doing the Four Questions work for about three years now and this year I have started doing formal work on it. I have learned so much.
November 16, 2009
Another thought provoking book from Byron Katie. Unlike her other books, this focuses solely on dialogues between Katie and people doing The Work. There are a wide range of topics helpful to anyone interested in knowing the truth and moving forward. By inserting my own beliefs into the dialogues and "listening" to Katie's thoughtful and oftentimes humorous responses on the page, I have found this book to be an invaluable resource in my own Work.
January 10, 2015
Maybe I'm just not there yet, but I'm always hugely squicked out when she starts turning around abuse. That said, my own studies of the human mind through meditation inevitably lead me to the same conclusions, personally. I'm just not sure how I feel about that or that I would try to tell someone else what to think. For the day to day, I find Byron Katie's work quite invaluable, and this book of dialogues is no exception.
May 25, 2011
As always, fascinating stuff. This book is transcriptions that Katie has with people doing inquiry - 15 of them on different subjects/beliefs. These are my favourite parts of her other books, so one entirely of dialogues is fantastic. Seeing people transform by this method is awesome, and it's so simple.
December 29, 2010
I seriously did find about 30 minutes of deep inner peace practicing the work when I last was on an airplane. I love her but I find that I need to read something a little more "human still with struggles" kind of a thing as a companion piece or else I feel like a total loser.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews