The New Manhood

by Steve Biddulph

'Most men don't have a life' is the dramatic opening to Steve Biddulph's bestseller Manhood. Exploring two critical social issues: establishing a healthy masculinity and how men can release themselves from suffocating and outdated social moulds, Biddulph addresses the problems and possibilities confronting men in their daily life. Women have found the book to be a profoundly moving and revealing read; while men acquire recognition and a sense of hope that life can be different. Topics include:

-Seven steps to manhood
-You and your father - breaking down the defences
-Sex and spirit - coming alive
-Being a real father - turning your love into action
-Real male friends - be proud of being male and much more

This edition has been revised and updated to meet the needs of younger men, who are struggling with these issues in the twenty-first century.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Personal Development, Psychology, Mental Health

320 pages, Paperback

Published October 1, 2013

About the author

Stephen John Biddulph AM is an Australian author, activist and psychologist who has written a number of influential bestselling books; and lectures worldwide on parenting, and boys' education. He is married and has two children and grandchildren.

Reviews

[Megin · Rating 2 out of 5]

Aaah I wanted this book to be better. The original is from the 90'ies I think. And this is an updated version (?). Mentioning Obama does not make a book update itself 3 decades though.

I think this has been, and still might be, a life changing book for many men.

That being said. 90% of the time when Steve mentions 'a man' he basically means 'a human'. And that lack nuance annoyed the heck out of me. There's also a lot of 'THIS IS BAD!' where that should have been 'MY OPINION ON THIS THING!'. Opinions are great, and fine. But we don't wrap em as facts. And I assume Steve has a lot of facts up his sleeve that could have worked just as well.

I love that he is helping men. I can only imagine the work he has done, and is still doing. He deserves a new and updated book. Let me know when it's here.

[Michelle · Rating 3 out of 5]

I recently saw the author, a psychologist, speak at my workplace about emotions and aligning oneself physically, emotionally and spiritually. He was personable and engaging. My own background is in psychology and many of the concepts and ideas he presented rang true for me. It was there I bought his book. I understand I am not the intended audience (being a woman), but I was hoping it may give me some insight into my husband and other men in my life.
Reading ‘The New Manhood’ is much like listening to Steve in person. He presents warm and endearing anecdotes that help to illustrate his point of view regarding manhood and becoming the best man possible. While I don’t necessarily agree with everything he proposes he does provide some sound advice and some interesting insights.

[L-T Hopper · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book I'd recommend every man read. Biddulph is real and relevant.

[Happy#1 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great self help book for parents of teenage boys who are wondering what the heck is going on and questioning their own sanity. Lots of guidance to give parents a holistic view especially important when bogged down in everyday conflict. I would recommend this read to anyone with teenage boys who are looking for support or for parents of pre-teen boys so you have an idea of what's to come and what you can do to manage the challenges.

[melanie suares · Rating 5 out of 5]

A substantial book about boys and men

As a woman, I read this and gained much insight into 'mens business', because I have men and boys in my life that I would like to understand better and to also teach them how to get a better perspective on life.
I liked this book because that's what it gave me, a confident perspective on men.

[Catherine Rowntree · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very very good. I loved reading about the concept of "Rock and Water" and also about "finding your lifes work" not finding your job. Steve Biddulph is extremely tuned in. A compassionate and caring man. This should be a compulsory read for all men. I feel like i have gained some insight into how those people from "Mars" think.

[Hughmungus · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyable and refreshing insofar as it takes a non-polarising, non-parisan approach aloof from the culture wars; a book which couldn't have been written in America. Otherwise reads as the most basic of common sense (is this an indictment of the anger of other contributors to the manosphere literature?)

[Eric · Rating 4 out of 5]

I just finished the book (2/10/14). A thought provoking "self-help" on what needs to change in men in the western world.

It talks about starting a "Men's Movement" which I believe will be a well needed change in the current trajectory of men.

Below are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

Pg 274 "Making a world that is kinder to men will make men kinder. This is the missing piece of the social reform jigsaw."

Pg 258 the whole page is good; "wild man"

Pg 240-241 "The closer modern man gets to inner and outer wildness, the better things will go."

Pg 150 " 'Winding oneself down' turns out to be a vital, life-saving skill learnt on the living room floor or the back lawn. It frees you from being overtaken by your own emotions. This is the gift a good, physically comfortable father can give."

Pg 144-145 "Men have to talk to their children. The twentieth-century father was strong and silent. But what use is that to a growing boy? He needs to know the words, the feelings, the values. He needs a man who will share enough of his inner world for him to begin to form his own. And he needs to see a man acting from his values -- to learn how relationships work."

Pg 143 "Parents worry about peer group pressure leading their child into drugs, sex or crime. They should take note that the greatest predictor of peer group problems is a poor relationship with the same-sex parent."

Pg. 87 "We have to become aware that sexual attraction lies not in the way a woman looks, but in the way we choose to look at a woman."

[Colin · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good book for anyone to read if they want to get a better understanding of the challenges faced by men in an our modern, western, industrialised society.

I found much of the book to be pertinent to my own life and particularly my family life. It looks at the important aspects of mens lives (e.g. relationship with their family members, friends, their job, spirituality, sex, women) and how many of these can be sources of conflict or unhappiness. It then looks at ways to change those areas that are not working as well as one likes. For fathers it presents a lot of information on being a good father.

I gave it three stars as I would have liked a bit more "depth" for want of a better word. There is a lot of ground covered but covered thinly. I also have a copy of the original version and just comparing the same sections of each, the original is more straight to the point and has greater impact. I also found the book lacking in that the version of a man presented is limited to the standard monogamous heterosexual with (or heading for) a nuclear family.

[Simon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Australian psychologist looks at some of the challenges facing men, and those in relationship with them. In an accessible way he looks at chapters on being a son, being a father, being a partner, sex, spirit, work and more. Chapter summaries, references and anecdotes support the book. No doubt others within the community of psychologists will differ from his perspective. Having said that, he raises a readable and useful pointer towards understanding the reality of being a man at our point in history. Like all handbooks, it assumes that we are open to, and reflecting on, our own experiences of life.

[John Wallis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book, would recommend to parents and men looking to do emotional work. There is some foundational techniques and recommendations there. The group therapy options or recommendations are lacking for mature men. In Australia I'd recommend trying to find a "Mr Perfect" BBQ group.

I think addressing the anger in men is really important. Not just anger at fathers, but anger at mothers as well. The trauma and betrayal is trapped in the body and I think anything shy of body psychotherapy fails to address it.

[Randolf Stephens · Rating 5 out of 5]

As the son of an old school father and the father of two boys myself, I found the book a really compelling and for me, reaching 40 years old, a very timely read. Lots of wisdom to be found if you are receptive to it, but then I doubt you'd pick it up if you weren't. Well worth the read for any man looking to be a better one and for that matter, a good read for any woman interested in knowing her man better.

[Kim Eales · Rating 5 out of 5]

Are we the men we were born to be? Why do we have some of the social issues that we have in this world? Steve gives a great insight into his theory as to why this is happening. Steve also gives us some great tools to enable us to address what has happened to each of us between son's and their fathers. Great read.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well written, sensible, thoughtful & insightful.

[Emma · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to anyone (male or female) looking for a little more depth in their life.

[Andrew Mitchell · Rating 3 out of 5]

Plain language, easy to understand, useless for already broken relationships. This is not a fix-it book, but as a relationship guide, this is good read, and certainly would be a great foundation.

[Tim Rockett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Profound book

I wish I had found this earlier in my life and will certainly be reading it again and recommending it. Thank you.

[Raymond · Rating 1 out of 5]

Did not finish the first chapter. For a renowned psychologist, I’m surprised that he would encourage men to seek out their fathers (regardless of how abusive they have been!) and forgive them for their wrongdoings. I do not see how confronting your abuser and acknowledging what little “good” character traits they have does anything to improve your psyche. The author appears to speak from his personal issues in dealing with problems he faced with his dad. Which is fine, I’m happy for him that he was able to reconcile some things about his dad that he had misunderstandings about. But to provide this generic information and expect it to be applicable to all contexts is just screaming for trouble.

A disappointment because I enjoyed reading his other books about parenting and family life. But this book I would steer clear away from.

[Colourful_socks · Rating 5 out of 5]

this was an astounding book.

I would highly recommend this to any man (or woman) seeking structure for self improvement. I would also recommend this for any woman who wants to better understand men. It seems like the only narrative about men now is one of blind entitlement and toxic behavior and psychology. That’s a terrible way to look at half the world’s population. Steve Biddulph offers a humanizing and grounded view of modern western masculinity. Of things to celebrate and improve and what the future may hold. And since he’s spent decades revising and expanding it, it seems like almost every paragraph offers poignant insight. It’s definitely worth a read.

[Kian.ting · Rating 4 out of 5]

The take home point is that it is important to have a community of good man for a boy to grow up in so that they can learn from a community. Also important to have a group of man where we can share vulnerably and also to encourage and challenge each other. The book is a pointer to study subjects/aspects of a man’s life it doesn’t provide a conclusion. It also gives me a very good suggestion to encourage my children to find their passion/work so that they may truly live a fulfilled life.

[Alex Rogers · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think the book is well informed, and well intentioned, and perhaps I'm not really the target audience (queer, feminist, enm etc) - it felt very basic and not a lot new / of interest to me. For someone who has never questioned their privilege, doesn't know what the patriarchy really means, and is struggling to understand the effect that they might have on the people around them / in their families and intimate relationships, the book may well be a good place to start.

[Ray Palmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

A friend of mine is a psychologist who helps troubled teenage boys. When I mentioned I’d read and thoroughly enjoyed this book, he said, “yep - I say that if a man was only going to read one book in his life, it should be this one.”

[Noreen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very insightful and a worthwhile read if there are men in your life, or you are a man! I learnt quite a bit and some of it was useful for me too.

[Adam Inder · Rating 4 out of 5]

Uses powerful examples to touch on some very pertinent topics regarding manhood, fatherhood and being a whole person.

[Faheem · Rating 4 out of 5]

Remarkable

[Dylan Agnew · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't agree with some things and in some points the book felt pretty weak but the good bits were really good. It was a helpful read for me

[Joshua · Rating 4 out of 5]

I understand why this is a classic.

[Scott Shaw · Rating 2 out of 5]

could not relate

The book was useful but couldn’t really rated to much of it. Also was put off by the author injecting his political opinions into the narrative.

[Elsa Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being mum of three sons I had dutifully read and enjoyed Steven Biddulph's 'The Secret of Happy Children' and 'Raising Boys' - beautifully written for parenting and pretty easy reads if you read them when your boys are tiny. However, 'Manhood' goes much further into attempting to explain the essence of the male species. It changed my view of half the occupants of the planet and is one of the most helpful things I have ever read. I felt somewhat of an interloper reading a book so clearly labeled book for men, but it has provided a key insight into the essential workings of not just my sons, but my husband, my father, my brothers and all the other lovely men in my life. It confirmed to me that although men obviously tick in a different way from women, this is absolutely something to be celebrated and indeed is dangerous to ignore.
But on the other hand, one man I knew who read this book after my enthusiastic recommendation actually wanted to throw it out of the window....so I guess I should point out that it's quite controversial and might not be a comfortable read for men or women.

[Caleb Simpson · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I like to think that what I do is masculine... when I hold a little baby and kiss it, that's the masculine part of me holding that little baby. When I have tears because I'm scared or because I'm full of joy, they're all masculine. There's not a feminine thing about them. - Marvin Allen in Manhood; I actually added this quote on Goodreads because I was so shocked there was only one, one! quote from The New Manhood on Goodreads, there are so many good quotes from this book.

I first read this book when I was young, this book is good for men, and also for the women who want to understand them.