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From Boys to Men: Gay Men Write About Growing Up
More than an anthology of coming out stories, From Boys to Men is a stunning collection of essays about what it is like to be gay and young, to be different and be aware of that difference from the earliest of ages. In these memoirs, coming out is less important than coming of age and coming to the realization that young gay people experience the world in ways quite unlike straight boys. Whether it is a fascination with soap opera, an intense sensitivity to their own difference, or an obsession with a certain part of the male anatomy, gay kids — or kids who would eventually identify as gay — have an indefinable but unmistakable gay sensibility. Sometimes the result is funny, sometimes it is harrowing, and often it is deeply moving. Essays by lauded young writers like Alex Chee (Edinburgh), Aaron Hamburger (Faith for Beginners), Karl Soehnlein (The World of Normal Boys), Trebor Healy (Through It Came Bright Colors), Tom Dolby (The Trouble Boy), David Bahr, and Austin Bunn, are collected along with those by brilliant, newcomers such as Michael McAllister, Jason Tougaw, Viet Dinh, and the wildly popular blogger, Joe.My.God.
336 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 2006
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95 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews
January 10, 2010
I really enjoyed this collection of essays from gay men chronicling their childhoods. The details they recounted inspired me to recall the pecularities of my own growing-up and most essays were completely universal. Gay or straight, it's tough being a kid.
Yet 22 straight men would not have penned these essays. Many contributers confessed feeling "different" at a shockingly young age. While the repetition of themes is one of the flaws in this collection, (few essays truly "stood out" and the writing quality/style lacked the variety I've seen in other anthologies), I found the repetition of certain experiences helped me understand how a gay child might experience the world. So perhaps the feeling of "didn't I already read this earlier?" isn't a weakness of the book at all, but a choice the editors made in order to demonstrate commonalities of gay childhood experience.
Despite some deja vu, every story in "From Boys to Men" is unique and I feel I have a deeper awareness of pre-sexual awakening from reading this book. Most authors employed a sense of humor or pop culture details along with many heartbreaking episodes, and there were times this straight female reader couldn't put the book down and was eager to continue. But not every essay hit out of the park, and when I review the table of contents, few had burned their way into my brain.
Despite this, the collection taken as a whole was a satisfying, entertaining read and I would recommend it to anyone interested in childhood development and the struggles of being young and queer, even before you have the language to express it.
Yet 22 straight men would not have penned these essays. Many contributers confessed feeling "different" at a shockingly young age. While the repetition of themes is one of the flaws in this collection, (few essays truly "stood out" and the writing quality/style lacked the variety I've seen in other anthologies), I found the repetition of certain experiences helped me understand how a gay child might experience the world. So perhaps the feeling of "didn't I already read this earlier?" isn't a weakness of the book at all, but a choice the editors made in order to demonstrate commonalities of gay childhood experience.
Despite some deja vu, every story in "From Boys to Men" is unique and I feel I have a deeper awareness of pre-sexual awakening from reading this book. Most authors employed a sense of humor or pop culture details along with many heartbreaking episodes, and there were times this straight female reader couldn't put the book down and was eager to continue. But not every essay hit out of the park, and when I review the table of contents, few had burned their way into my brain.
Despite this, the collection taken as a whole was a satisfying, entertaining read and I would recommend it to anyone interested in childhood development and the struggles of being young and queer, even before you have the language to express it.
June 4, 2009
“From Boys to Men”
My favorite title: “The Lives and Deaths of Buffalo Butt.”
My favorite opening line [from “Whatever Happened to…”:] : “Though I can remember being attracted to men at a young age, for a long time I knew very little about being gay except that it was something I didn’t want to be.”
I agree with Michael, who, in one of his posts to the May '09: From Boys to Men forum, says “This is one of those ‘short story’ collections ( [in which:] many of the essays feel more like fiction than nonfiction, even if they aren't) that will appeal to those men closer to their coming out party than not.” At my age, the “early sexual awareness” shtick got a little tired after a while.
In a light-hearted, wicked moment, I dreamt up some alternate titles for this book:
“From Boys to Slightly Older Boys”
”From Inkling to Doubt to Denial”
“ From Playground To Puberty”
It’s almost as if a teacher gave everyone the following assignment: Write a 15-page fictional story about your earliest same-sex feelings. Make sure to include the bullies, the older brothers, and the dolls or action figures you liked the best. Here’s a stylistic sample to get you started: “Alongside a tree in the rear of a schoolyard in kindergarten was where my first kiss took place.” [from “Signs” by Raymonde C. Green.:]
I felt that a number of these stories ended rather abruptly (for instance “The Upshot”). So what are these? Essays? Shortened short stories? Early gay gestalt snapshots? Robin thinks that “the originals were probably longer, and the editors excerpted [them:] so they'd fit into an anthology.” Michael feels that they seem more like stories than essays. He writes “Essays? Memoir? Re-imagined ruminations?” Whatever, I feel that most of the writing was competent and generally evocative.
Those members who contributed to the May '09: From Boys to Men forum liked five stories in particular:
"Sleeping Eros" (Michael McAllister)
"No Matter What Happens" (David Bahr)
"Dick" (Alex Chee)
"Terrence” (Joe Jervis)
“Whatever Happened To…” (Aaron Hamburger)
SO did I. I hold a special fondness for “Sleeping Eros” because of the plot twist and the fact that I think it’s the only story in which the narrator is not the emergent gay person. Talk about a shocker. Mike’s 10 years old and both parents come out to him at the same time in a ridiculously awkward way. So when asked “Do you know what gay means” or “Do you understand?” or “Do you have any questions?,” Mike, being totally clueless, feels compelled to lie. At the end of the story, he learns to ride his bike. The very last sentence seems to me a poignant metaphor for his youthful cluelessness: “I stood on the pedals and pumped my legs till the wind filled my ears with meaningless sound.”
After reading each story (in most cases) I jotted down some words to sum up the presumed “message.” Here they are:
"Sleeping Eros" – immaturity, cluelessness
“The Story I Told Myself” – imagination
“Preppies Are My Weakness” – unrequited love
“Barbie Girls” – 7th graders dating
“Signs” – denial
“No Matter What Happens” – foster child’s loneliness
“The Lives and Deaths of Buffalo Butt” – physical appearance, denial
“Dick” – denial
“The Upshot” – brothers
“Guide” – coming out late
“Terrence” – gayness and effeminacy
“The Boy with the Questions and the Kid with the Answers” – childhood bigotry, cruelty
“A Brief History of Industrial Music” – [didn’t comment:]
“The Competitive Lives of Gay Twins” – fits in vs. doesn’t fit in
“Five Stories about Francis” – [didn’t comment:]
“Mom-Voice” – [didn’t comment:]
“Growing Up in Horror” – “I was hot for Steve. I knew it.” [Oh, really?:]
“Inheritance” – [didn’t comment:]
“Whatever Happened to…” – loving straight men, depressing!
“Peristalsis” – age five, six, seven, seven-and-a-half, eight-and-three-quarters, etc.
“Aplysia californica” – surfing and sea slugs
My favorite paragraph (from “Sleeping Eros”):
“Rays of orange streetlights moved over the hood of the car and up the windshield. The week before I had stayed up too late watching Donald Sutherland on television running from aliens, pod people bent on taking over the planet. They looked like everyone else but lacked emotions, and as we made our way home I imagined the streetlights were alien sentinels scanning cars and passengers for joy, anger, or laughter. If they sensed the things I wanted from the man sleeping behind me, they’d snatch me up and carry me off to their oozing nests, and lay a trembling pod beside me, an alien boy inside, his skin running like hot wax till his face matched mine.”
My favorite title: “The Lives and Deaths of Buffalo Butt.”
My favorite opening line [from “Whatever Happened to…”:] : “Though I can remember being attracted to men at a young age, for a long time I knew very little about being gay except that it was something I didn’t want to be.”
I agree with Michael, who, in one of his posts to the May '09: From Boys to Men forum, says “This is one of those ‘short story’ collections ( [in which:] many of the essays feel more like fiction than nonfiction, even if they aren't) that will appeal to those men closer to their coming out party than not.” At my age, the “early sexual awareness” shtick got a little tired after a while.
In a light-hearted, wicked moment, I dreamt up some alternate titles for this book:
“From Boys to Slightly Older Boys”
”From Inkling to Doubt to Denial”
“ From Playground To Puberty”
It’s almost as if a teacher gave everyone the following assignment: Write a 15-page fictional story about your earliest same-sex feelings. Make sure to include the bullies, the older brothers, and the dolls or action figures you liked the best. Here’s a stylistic sample to get you started: “Alongside a tree in the rear of a schoolyard in kindergarten was where my first kiss took place.” [from “Signs” by Raymonde C. Green.:]
I felt that a number of these stories ended rather abruptly (for instance “The Upshot”). So what are these? Essays? Shortened short stories? Early gay gestalt snapshots? Robin thinks that “the originals were probably longer, and the editors excerpted [them:] so they'd fit into an anthology.” Michael feels that they seem more like stories than essays. He writes “Essays? Memoir? Re-imagined ruminations?” Whatever, I feel that most of the writing was competent and generally evocative.
Those members who contributed to the May '09: From Boys to Men forum liked five stories in particular:
"Sleeping Eros" (Michael McAllister)
"No Matter What Happens" (David Bahr)
"Dick" (Alex Chee)
"Terrence” (Joe Jervis)
“Whatever Happened To…” (Aaron Hamburger)
SO did I. I hold a special fondness for “Sleeping Eros” because of the plot twist and the fact that I think it’s the only story in which the narrator is not the emergent gay person. Talk about a shocker. Mike’s 10 years old and both parents come out to him at the same time in a ridiculously awkward way. So when asked “Do you know what gay means” or “Do you understand?” or “Do you have any questions?,” Mike, being totally clueless, feels compelled to lie. At the end of the story, he learns to ride his bike. The very last sentence seems to me a poignant metaphor for his youthful cluelessness: “I stood on the pedals and pumped my legs till the wind filled my ears with meaningless sound.”
After reading each story (in most cases) I jotted down some words to sum up the presumed “message.” Here they are:
"Sleeping Eros" – immaturity, cluelessness
“The Story I Told Myself” – imagination
“Preppies Are My Weakness” – unrequited love
“Barbie Girls” – 7th graders dating
“Signs” – denial
“No Matter What Happens” – foster child’s loneliness
“The Lives and Deaths of Buffalo Butt” – physical appearance, denial
“Dick” – denial
“The Upshot” – brothers
“Guide” – coming out late
“Terrence” – gayness and effeminacy
“The Boy with the Questions and the Kid with the Answers” – childhood bigotry, cruelty
“A Brief History of Industrial Music” – [didn’t comment:]
“The Competitive Lives of Gay Twins” – fits in vs. doesn’t fit in
“Five Stories about Francis” – [didn’t comment:]
“Mom-Voice” – [didn’t comment:]
“Growing Up in Horror” – “I was hot for Steve. I knew it.” [Oh, really?:]
“Inheritance” – [didn’t comment:]
“Whatever Happened to…” – loving straight men, depressing!
“Peristalsis” – age five, six, seven, seven-and-a-half, eight-and-three-quarters, etc.
“Aplysia californica” – surfing and sea slugs
My favorite paragraph (from “Sleeping Eros”):
“Rays of orange streetlights moved over the hood of the car and up the windshield. The week before I had stayed up too late watching Donald Sutherland on television running from aliens, pod people bent on taking over the planet. They looked like everyone else but lacked emotions, and as we made our way home I imagined the streetlights were alien sentinels scanning cars and passengers for joy, anger, or laughter. If they sensed the things I wanted from the man sleeping behind me, they’d snatch me up and carry me off to their oozing nests, and lay a trembling pod beside me, an alien boy inside, his skin running like hot wax till his face matched mine.”
August 4, 2008
Like some really good cookie that you eat in slow savoring bites, I read this collection slowly.
Though I could have devoured it.
Each of these memoirs turned out to be so beautiful and honest, and helped me make sense about my own growing up.
I discovered this book in our local library — perfect place for it. And I hope many younger gay kids find their way to it.
Sometimes the point of good writing is not simply to offer understanding — but more largely, empathy.
Though I could have devoured it.
Each of these memoirs turned out to be so beautiful and honest, and helped me make sense about my own growing up.
I discovered this book in our local library — perfect place for it. And I hope many younger gay kids find their way to it.
Sometimes the point of good writing is not simply to offer understanding — but more largely, empathy.
October 2, 2007
There are so many passages in these narratives to speak to experiences and feelings I had while growing up, but also plenty that surprised me. I wish Santa would have put this book in my stocking when I was 12 or so.
January 7, 2023
τρυφερό και σκληρό συνάμα, γεμάτο από αγόρια που προσπαθούν να μεγαλώσουν.
βρήκα τον εαυτό μου να ταυτίζεται με πολλές από τις ιστορίες και κάπως έτσι, απλά, ένιωσα λιγότερο μόνος για τα παιδικά μου χρόνια.
βρήκα τον εαυτό μου να ταυτίζεται με πολλές από τις ιστορίες και κάπως έτσι, απλά, ένιωσα λιγότερο μόνος για τα παιδικά μου χρόνια.
May 17, 2009
This is one of those "short story" collections (many of the essays feel more like fiction than nonfiction, even if they aren't) that will appeal to those men closer to their coming out party than not. For me, at 38, I came out at 21, and I didn't find much here that I truly felt I hadn't read before. I didn't find much here that caused me to become emotionally invested in the material.
This collection may also appeal to those who've been out a while, but haven't read much similar material.
For me, the transcendent moment was Paul Monette's "Becoming a Man," which I read in my early 20s, I think. I went back and skimmed it not too very long ago, and it didn't seem to have the same impact. I am, simply, older.
But there were a few essays that stood out, and my guess is that, putting the uneven writing quality aside (these are writers of varying talent), different stories will stand out as best for different people. I particularly enjoyed "Sleeping Eros," "No Matter What Happens," "Dick," and "Terrence."
I also enjoyed the back section of author bios. Several blogs are mentioned that are worth checking out.
Keep expectations minimal, and you'll probably find yourself reading more than you're skimming.
This collection may also appeal to those who've been out a while, but haven't read much similar material.
For me, the transcendent moment was Paul Monette's "Becoming a Man," which I read in my early 20s, I think. I went back and skimmed it not too very long ago, and it didn't seem to have the same impact. I am, simply, older.
But there were a few essays that stood out, and my guess is that, putting the uneven writing quality aside (these are writers of varying talent), different stories will stand out as best for different people. I particularly enjoyed "Sleeping Eros," "No Matter What Happens," "Dick," and "Terrence."
I also enjoyed the back section of author bios. Several blogs are mentioned that are worth checking out.
Keep expectations minimal, and you'll probably find yourself reading more than you're skimming.
August 25, 2012
Not the usual coming out stories/essays +
June 8, 2019
From Boys to Men: Gay Men Write About Growing Up is a collection of personal essays assembled and edited by Ted Gideonse and Robert R. Williams. It is an anthology of coming out and coming of age essays about growing up gay.
For the most part, I really like these contributions. Twenty-one different contributors from different walks of life, status, and origins tell their coming out stories and when and how they realized that they were gay. While each contributor has had a different experience, the entire anthology has a general thread that cohesively binds them together.
Like most anthologies, there are weaker contributions and From Boys to Men: Gay Men Write About Growing Up is no exception. Some personal essays were written better than others and convey their feelings better. While distinct, each essay has the same underlying theme, which at times feels repetitive or give the sense of déjà vu. I wished that there were more distinctive stories, which would make the anthology more inclusive.
All in all, From Boys to Men: Gay Men Write About Growing Up is a wonderful collection of personal essays about growing up gay.
For the most part, I really like these contributions. Twenty-one different contributors from different walks of life, status, and origins tell their coming out stories and when and how they realized that they were gay. While each contributor has had a different experience, the entire anthology has a general thread that cohesively binds them together.
Like most anthologies, there are weaker contributions and From Boys to Men: Gay Men Write About Growing Up is no exception. Some personal essays were written better than others and convey their feelings better. While distinct, each essay has the same underlying theme, which at times feels repetitive or give the sense of déjà vu. I wished that there were more distinctive stories, which would make the anthology more inclusive.
All in all, From Boys to Men: Gay Men Write About Growing Up is a wonderful collection of personal essays about growing up gay.
February 5, 2020
Great short memoir collection of men writing about growing up gay. I really enjoyed it. Two stories I thought were kind of lame and just didn't really stick with me. But the rest were great and i found the book very inspiring.
April 9, 2023
An anthology of tender and relatable stories of gay boys and their experiences growing up. Childhood is a unique experience for children like us, most of it consumed with trying to find other children like us or avoiding them. All the stories are worth reading but several were very well done.
September 15, 2019
A wonderful book my favorite
June 9, 2018
this anthology was kind of white bread. there were interesting moments. wouldn't enthusiastically recommend it to anyone. not even other gay men
Read
September 6, 2011This book is a bit unusual in that I have no idea when or where I picked up this collection of essays. I’ve had it since I moved into my new place last September, but I have no idea where it came from. But wherever I got it from I’m glad I did (if you loaned it to me and want it back let me know :-D ).
From Boys to Men is a collection of stories/essays from men growing up and coming to terms with their sexuality and masculinity. What I enjoyed most about this book is that it wasn’t all about sex or who one has (or doesn’t have) sex with, and that the editors and authors wrote about masculinity and degrees of masculinity which is often times demonized or forgotten. I also appreciated the wide variety of views included from men of varying racial, geographical and socio-economic origins. Rather than write about each of the stories – I’ve provided a few quotes and you can read the quotes and my reactions to/about the particular story/quote.
Click here to continue reading on my blog The Oddness of Moving Things.
From Boys to Men is a collection of stories/essays from men growing up and coming to terms with their sexuality and masculinity. What I enjoyed most about this book is that it wasn’t all about sex or who one has (or doesn’t have) sex with, and that the editors and authors wrote about masculinity and degrees of masculinity which is often times demonized or forgotten. I also appreciated the wide variety of views included from men of varying racial, geographical and socio-economic origins. Rather than write about each of the stories – I’ve provided a few quotes and you can read the quotes and my reactions to/about the particular story/quote.
Click here to continue reading on my blog The Oddness of Moving Things.
March 15, 2008
I'm a bisexual woman-born-woman who came to sexual awareness relatively late, so the idea of growing up knowing that there was something "different" about oneself on a sexual level is fairly foreign to my personal experience, so I don't particularly _resonate_ with these stories, but they're well-written and interesting.
June 8, 2009
Usually, I find anthologies an uneven bunch, but this collection contains more winners than duds (IMHO). It's been mentioned that these true stories read like fiction; I agree, but often because they're (unexpectedly) funny than dramatic.
September 4, 2012
This is a book of short stories of boys/men of various ages about growing up gay. Some of the stories were better than others, but some did not hold my interest very well.
January 29, 2013
loved this book great short stories and vary touching wish I could find my copy and read it all over again
April 29, 2017
There are a lot of good stories (non-fiction) in here.
It's good to get an insight into what it's like to grow up as a gay person.
For one thing, they were - to a man- teased, bullied, told they were not ok. That alone is worth knowing. But it's great to get other glimpses into people's lives.
It's good to get an insight into what it's like to grow up as a gay person.
For one thing, they were - to a man- teased, bullied, told they were not ok. That alone is worth knowing. But it's great to get other glimpses into people's lives.
Displaying 1 - 18 of 18 reviews