Lilli de Jong

by Janet Benton

A young woman finds the most powerful love of her life when she gives birth at an institution for unwed mothers in 1883 Philadelphia. She is told she must give up her daughter to avoid a life of poverty and shame. But she chooses to keep her.

Pregnant, abandoned by her lover, and banished from her Quaker home and teaching position, Lilli de Jong enters a charity for wronged women to deliver her child. She is stunned at how much her infant needs her and at how quickly their bond overpowers her heart. Mothers in her position have no sensible alternative to giving up their children, but Lilli can't bear such an outcome. Determined to chart a path toward an independent life, Lilli braves moral condemnation and financial ruin in a quest to keep herself and her baby alive.

Confiding their story to her diary as it unfolds, Lilli takes readers from an impoverished charity to a wealthy family's home to the perilous streets of a burgeoning American city. Lilli de Jong is at once a historical saga, an intimate romance, and a lasting testament to the work of mothers. "So little is permissible for a woman," writes Lilli, yet on her back every human climbs to adulthood."

Genres: Historical Fiction, Fiction, Historical, Book Club, Adult Fiction, Audiobook, Literary Fiction

352 pages, Hardcover

First published May 16, 2017

About the author

Janet Benton's debut novel LILLI DE JONG is the diary of an unwed Quaker mother in 1883 Philadelphia who decides to try to keep her baby. It was one of LIBRARY JOURNAL's and NPR's Best Books 2017 and a semifinalist for the Goodreads Choice Awards and has received many additional honors. It is available in paperback, hardcover, audio book, e-book, and large print editions. Janet's work has appeared in the New York Times, the Philadelphia Inquirer, and elsewhere. She holds an M.F.A. from the Univ. of Massachusetts, Amherst and a B. A. from Oberlin College. After working at magazines, newspapers, and publishers and teaching writing at four universities, she began The Word Studio (www.thewordstudio.us) to offer workshops and mentoring to writers. She's also a mother, wife, singer, and person who gets teary-eyed when she sees kindness or cruelty. She loves to interact with readers by Skype, online, and in person. See www.janetbentonauthor.com

Reviews

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 holy-cow stars!!!

No, thank you very much, I do not want to start another book. I want the taste of this morsel to stay on my tongue. I don’t want to blink away the dirty streets of Philadelphia in the late 1800s; I want the whole scene to stay vivid in my mind’s eye. I want the feeling of Lilli de Jong’s immense love for her baby, her fierce determination, to remain front and center in my heart. I want the happiness of reading this gorgeous book to stay seated in the front row of my soul. Wouldn’t it be unfaithful to let myself go flitting, all la-dee-da, over to another book? I owe it to myself to hold this happiness tight, while it’s nice and ripe.

I can tell when I stay all serious instead of cracking jokes that this one really got under my skin. I wasn’t particularly drawn to this book before I started reading it. I’m a modern gal, and historical fiction usually doesn’t do it for me. And Lilli de Jong is a Quaker, which was a drawback, because I run in the other direction when there’s a hint of religion, and I was pretty sure there would be some God stuff going on. And since it was about an unwed mother, I figured there’d be a lot of soap.

In fact, when I finished the book and was raving about it to hubby, he said, “Sounds like a soap opera.” Oh my God, it most definitely is not like a soap opera. There is drama but it’s real drama, not melodramatic bull. It’s a tale of survival. And Lilli is this complex, passionate woman who faces horrible choices, horrible realities.

Any sadness and desperation Lilli feels is eclipsed by her love for her baby and her single-minded determination to ensure that her baby survives. She keeps her eye on the ball. And believe me, she has to stoop to doing some horrible things. She bravely takes risks that made me cringe and squirm, and when things didn’t always work out, it killed me. Yet at the same time, I completely understood why she did the things she did. I’ve never read a story about a mother with such an insanely strong attachment to her baby; she was one intense momma bear.

The writing is so good that I wasn’t even aware that I was reading a book. It just swept me along, and I was right there beside Lilli. “Oh no, don’t do that, Lilli!,” I wanted to scream, while at the same time I was grimacing and thinking, “Go ahead. You must! Hurry up! You have no choice!” It seemed like I was feeling the same thing she was feeling. Oh man did I fret. The worry I felt was insane, my whole self was twitchy. I felt her desperation acutely, and I forgave her as she made some awful choices. What would I have done in her place? This question kept popping into my head. You can’t always take the moral high road if it’s a question of life and death.

I didn’t know that a character like Lilli had the power to create such an emotional reaction in me. I could not have kept my distance if I tried: I felt Lilli’s love toward her baby, I felt her incessant worry. I even felt the baby's moments of distress and joy. I smelled the bad city smells, I smelled people’s sweat. I heard the horses pulling carriages, the baby’s cries.

Lilli is definitely one of the most sympathetic characters I’ve ever run across. She’s a regular person that ends up in an impossible situation, all because of the century she was born into. The fact that she hadn’t done anything wrong and that she was so relatable (especially her momma-bear behavior) made it all seem more tragic. The reality of her times—the fact that an unwed mother is screwed, and that poverty and disease are so often killers—is depressing and sobering. It was brutal; how lucky we are that women no longer have to live like they did. I really didn’t know anything about life back then, so I was also hungrily gulping down history as I went along. (This from someone who usually doesn’t have any interest in history.) I never knew, for instance, how common wet nurses were and what their lives were like.

I know this book is fiction, but the author did her research and intended the book to be true to the times. She included a lengthy note (which I highly recommend reading) saying how she researched the time period and the place (Philadelphia), as well as homes for unwed mothers, laws, and the life and language of Quakers. She really did her homework and strove to give a picture of what it would have been like for a person in Lilli’s shoes. I was super impressed.

At first I thought this book would appeal only to mothers, especially those who have breastfed (there is a lot of milk!). But after finishing it, I’m thinking the appeal is much, much broader. I would love to hear what men think of it—so guy friends, please give it a try!

Besides Lilli being this fabulously well-drawn character, the book has other merits: The pacing is perfect and there is lots of adventure and suspense. The story is in the form of Lilli’s journal. Man, does the first-person work for me--journals always seem so cozy and honest and conversational. There is more description than I usually like, but as happens when I’m totally absorbed, I thought it was just fine, lol.

The language sounds like the language of books written in the nineteenth century—sort of proper-sounding, and it seemed realistic. The setting and the squalor reminded me of works by Dickens, only this book was way more accessible and much less dense.

Now about the religion—there is a scattering of God talk, but I mostly just flew over it. It did not get as much air time as I might have feared. And I realized that since Lilli is a Quaker, some religious stuff is to be expected. It didn’t hinder my love of this book at all.

This book tore me apart. I can think of only a few other books that have had such an emotional impact on me: An Untamed State, Golden Boy, and We Need to Talk About Kevin. This book joins their ranks.

A book like this makes me realize why I love literature. To be able to be transported to another time and place, to inhabit the skin of a make-believe person, is surreal, and only a master storyteller can make this happen. I will absolutely be waiting for Benton’s next book.

I realize I’ve made this book sound sad. Well, there is a lot of sadness and many disasters, but there is also some light.

Obviously, I cannot stop thinking about this book, or talking about it, for that matter. I think this would be a great book club read. And I would jump for joy if it were made into a movie.

Non-stop intense. Non-stop edge of your seat. Un-put-down-able and highly recommended.

Thanks to NetGalley for the advance copy.

[Canadian Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

It never seizes to amaze me the double standards held about women in centuries past. It enrages me. I'm so grateful for not having been alive during those years as I'm sure I would have been gagged and institutionalized.

It's the late 1800's. Lilli becomes pregnant out of wedlock and has the baby in an institution - because in those days, it was not acceptable. A female would be ousted from society, especially being a Quaker.

This is a fierce love story of a mother and her child. A story of overcoming the odds and the endless struggles and hardships to keep her child at the risk of carrying disgrace.
The bond that is forever soldered no matter how many times it is bent.

The writing splendid. Sectioned in notebooks, this was some marvellous prose which transported me to that era. 4⭐️

[Angela M · Rating 4 out of 5]

One of of things brought to light in this novel is what it must have been like for young women to be pregnant and unwed in the 1880's, disowned by their families and communities, and in Lilli de Jong's case having to seek shelter and assistance in a place called the Philadelphia Haven for Women and Infants. It's an awful place in many ways but these women and girls would have no other place of refuge. Some were abused, some were taken advantage of, some went into the relationship willing without understanding the ramifications of having a child alone. The women running it have good intentions and go without pay to keep it open because they have no state support. Their aim is to get the women through their pregnancy to delivery and assist them with giving up their baby. It is done in the attempt to give both the mother and her child a chance at a future. In many cases their good intentions are not enough.

Lille's story is told through her diary, which delivers the power of introspection that a third person narrative isn't always capable of doing. We see clearly her confusion of what to do to satisfy her baby daughter, the love so deep that it's hard for Lilli to understand or convey. We see her internal conflict trying to justify what she has learned in The Meeting as a Quaker about having to repent and yet live a lie if she gives up her baby. But for Lilli the sin would be giving away her daughter to a life that she cannot insure is safe and so she decides to keep her no matter what sacrifice she has to make. The decision though is not wholly based on what she deems a sin but on what I believe is the heart of this story, the depth of love that this young mother has for her child, a love so strong that she takes on a job as a wet nurse, and has to leave baby Charlotte for a while in order to save enough to care for her on her own. I won't go into details of what Lilli goes through, but suffice it to say that this is sad and painful to read at times yet, always with Lilli's hope and determination present.

Some of the most profound diary entries are the letters that Lilli writes to her infant daughter. I was in a bit of a reading slump this past week and I'm thankful to have read this book to get me out of it. There is much here about the times reflecting the role of women, about class differences , about ones beliefs. Again for me the heart of the story is a mother's love so it seems so right to be to be writing this review on Mother's Day.


I received an advanced copy of this book from Nan A. Talese/Random House/Doubleday through Edelweiss.

[Cheri · Rating 5 out of 5]

”My time of shame began in glory.”

Lilli de Jong is a 23 year-old teacher, a Quaker whose mother’s death a year ago, in 1882, has changed her, her family. Her mother, a woman whose faith was strong, whose words were wise, whose life was built on the tenet of compassion. Lilli can’t help but wonder what her mother would think of her situation as she sits with her roommate in the room with the birthing table at the Philadelphia Haven for Women and Infants. Had she remained home, she would have been shunned by the members, but would her mother have shown her the compassion she extended to others?

Johan, a friend of her brother Peter, is often in and out of their home, sees her grieving. In an effort to comfort Lilli, he offers to accompany her skating, and it is on that day that Johan becomes ”the pinpoint of light by which I charted my path. It may be that the explanation for my unwise surrender to him lies herein, that I couldn’t perceive my own guiding star, or find it in the Light everlasting.”

”When all else fell away, one shelter remained. I’ll call it now the house of Johan. I entered it gladly in spring last year, on a Fifth Month evening.”

He’s promised himself to her, and she to him, as well, but he is going away in the morning, along with her brother Peter to Pittsburgh, both looking for a life with a future that looks nothing like the one they have there. That evening they seal their betrothal with an act of intimacy reserved for those properly married in the eyes of God, and in the morning he is gone.

Months pass. No letters from Johan. She’s thrown out of her home when her body no longer hides the truth of the child she is carrying.

This is the story of Lilli de Jong, and her infant, and Lilli’s struggle for them to survive against all odds. She will do almost anything in order for her baby to survive, but in an era where almost every option to provide a life for a family was closed to her, she had very few options. Those that she did have were, for the most part, dangerous, disagreeable, and despicable. You’ll feel it all, the dirt and grime of Philadelphia, the self-loathing that is mitigated by looking into her baby’s eyes, and knowing that whatever act she’s just committed has brought her one day closer to a way out. Life lived one day at a time with eyes kept on that indefatigable hope she still manages to hold onto. The city, the people, the way outsiders look at her with disgust. The shame, but there is also a fierce self of preservation, she will stop at nothing to protect her child. Most of all, there is an abundant amount of love.

”To love is to risk. To risk is to suffer.”

Told through the pages of her journal, you’ll be privy to her thoughts and struggles with giving up her newborn, her thoughts on her faith and how that plays into some of the decisions she makes, her regrets and hopes for their future. All of her thoughts that go into her decision to keep her child.

Janet Benton’s debut is a remarkable and heartrending debut, a riveting view at the lack of prospects for unwed mothers in this place and time. It isn’t always a pretty picture, but Benton’s lovely writing and her mesmerizing story makes wish I were still inside these pages.

“The doctor cut the fleshly cord that connected us, but an invisible one has taken its place. I begin to suspect that this one can be neither cut nor broken.”

“As you wander through this troubled world
In search of all things beautiful
You can close your eyes when you're miles away
And hear my voice like a serenade

How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough, is forever enough?
How long do you want to be loved?
Is forever enough?
'Cause I'm never, never giving you up
Is forever enough?
'Cause I'm never, never giving you up”

Dixie Chicks – “Lullaby” written by Daniel Wilson, Martie Maguire, Emily Robinson, Natalie Maines

Recommended

[Diane S ☔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an intensely emotional and powerful book. The latter part of the eighteen hundreds, options are few for unmarried women in the family way. This is the condition in which Lillie a Quaker, finds herself. Though educated to be a teacher, Quaker woman did receive an education, she finds herself alone and with resources.Her mother has died, her brother and fiancée gone away trying to make some money, promising to send for her when they are able, her father remarried and booted out of church, she is forced to turn to a home for pregnant women. This is actually a better place then many, but they are fighting for resources and are unable to provide much help after delivery. Most women are forced to give up their child but Lilli cannot.

Lilli goes from circumstance to circumstance, each one bleaker than the one before. These women were so looked down on, often forced into prostitution or suicide, not able to find any type of normal, sustainable employment. Considered unclean, sinners, beneath consideration. Heartbreaking and we travel along with her, the writing, the atmosphere so detailed. Can't help but admire her fortitude, her drive to survive and find away for her and her child. A few people offered small kindnesses that kept her going, but I literally has to put this down at times, I became so emotionally invested in her quest. Angry too, that women were treated like this. The unfairness, the hypocrisy. I won't tell you how this turns out, will just have to read it for yourselves, it is well worth the read.

Author's note furnished at the back of the books is also very well done, explaining the situations and trials unmarried, pregnant women went through, what places in the novel were real and other interesting details.

ARC from publisher.
Publishes May 16th by Nan A. Talese

[Lindsay L · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 stars! This was an intense and emotional book that resonated so deeply with me about motherhood.

This novel tells the story of Lillian “Lilli” De Jong who, in 1883, gives birth at an institution for unwed mothers. It is a story of survival, love and desperation. It is an example of just how deep a mother’s love runs for her child and how much a mother is willing to withstand to love and protect her child. I knew from early on that the author, Janet Benton, HAD to be a mother herself who actually experienced some of the things described in this novel pertaining to nurturing a newborn, especially breast feeding. Benton has an outstanding ability to put into words the feeling of a female becoming a mother from pregnancy to labour to breast feeding and the endless, exhausting care of nurturing a newborn.

The writing was excellent!! Throughout Lilli’s journey I felt tense, hopeful, worried, frustrated, excited, saddened. Benton pulled me right into this tale, where I felt I was actually standing on the dirt covered streets following Lilli around. I couldn’t escape Lilli’s feeling of helplessness and desperation – it consumed me for most of the novel – I was thinking about her even when I wasn’t reading the book. I felt such a deep connection to Lilli and had so much sympathy for her.

The reason I didn’t give this book the full five stars is that it did take me a little bit to get into it. I didn’t get completely hooked until the second and third ‘Notebook’. Once I hit that part, I was addicted!

The Author’s Note at the end was one of my favourite parts of the novel. I wanted to reach out and hug her – what an amazing woman!

I will end with one of my favourite quotes. My heart almost exploded with love when I read this. “The doctor cut the fleshly cord that connected us, but an invisible one has taken its place. I begin to suspect that this one can be neither cut nor broken.”

[Jaline · Rating 5 out of 5]

In March of 1883, Lilli de Jong is twenty three years old and as a resident of the Philadelphia Haven for Women and Infants, awaits the birth of her baby. Over the next three and a half months, she writes a series of ten journals about her experiences, her past, and her thoughts and her feelings about the situations she finds herself in.

This novel contains those journals, and her journey is both rough and cruel: the cultural mores of the time dictated many of her actions as well as the attitudes and actions of others. Because her baby is illegitimate, and regardless of the circumstances of an unmarried young girl or woman who finds herself in that condition, in the 1880’s the censure is always borne by the female.

Her father gets in trouble with their Quaker society and Lilli loses her teaching job as a result. She cannot contact her baby’s father, her shame precludes asking for help from her family, and there is nowhere else to turn.

While reading her journals, we gradually learn more about her family history and the Society of Friends they were part of. We also learn a great deal about what it looks like and feels like to be a woman alone in a time when women’s lives were already hard, and in this case, made harder by one night of passion.

I thoroughly enjoyed reading Lilli de Jong’s story and there were so many times that my heart went out to her and her baby. The series of last-resort decisions Lilli had to make were often heart-rending.

At the same time, there is an underlying belief and faith that things will get better. Her upbringing and her spiritual nurturing fell on fertile ground and was able to sprout seeds of wisdom and hope even in her darkest hours.

Most of all, it is the fiercely protective mother-love that pulls Lilli from the brink of despair into determination time and time again.

The prose throughout this novel is beautiful, evocative, and deeply personal. As I read, the writing made me wonder about so many things and reflect on many others. There are beautifully poetic little pieces that fired my imagination, and even smaller spiritual gems that glitter like rare, tiny diamonds; their light connecting past and present to an unexplored future.

This novel has been on my wishlist since I read the first review nearly two years ago, and I am so happy I finally had a chance to read it.

[Candi · Rating 4 out of 5]

"I can be considered free only if I can choose."

Pregnant and unwed, Lilli de Jong takes a journey of discovery of self and spirit during the 1880s, when she must choose her course in order to protect the new life she holds within her. Shunned by family, her fellow Quakers, and society in general, it seems Lilli has little or no choices available to her. It has become painfully evident to her that she has been abandoned by the man to whom she gave herself so freely with the promise of future wedded bliss. Having recently lost her mother to a tragic accident, Lilli feels utterly alone and unanchored. "My life’s order and beauty fell down flat—as if they had been nothing more than painted scenery." The only option that appears available given her desperate situation is to take shelter within the walls of the Philadelphia Haven for Women and Infants. It is here that we meet Lilli and learn the story of her agonizing struggles through an extraordinary first person narrative as written by her in the form of a diary, those words to be read by her child in the future.

Gosh, what a trial to be born a woman in those times, and, in particular, to find oneself in those circumstances that left one truly cut off from society as a result of judgmental and prejudiced views! Not that we find ourselves free from unfair scrutiny and narrow-mindedness in this day and age, but certainly we have made some advances in the right direction. Lilli was a Quaker, she was educated, she had reaped the benefits of the tenderness of a devoted mother, and she was brave. But when she learns that in exchange for a new lease on life following her ‘transgression’, she must give up her newborn baby for adoption, it seems no background or strength of character could possibly leave her spirit consoled. "But the moment I let go of Charlotte and pretend she never existed, my life of sin begins. Lies will color—no, suffuse—my most intimate relations. The pain at my center will stay closed in and festering, while lies spread like a layer of lard beneath my skin." She becomes determined to keep that precious life by her side no matter the cost. She does not know how she will manage to do so, and she goes through pure hell in a series of decisions and much soul searching. Opportunities are often not what they appear to be, and she meets mostly resistance and contempt along the way. We see only a glimpse here and there of any persons with a sense of compassion and humanity in their hearts.

There is so much to take away from this book. It is very well-researched and beautifully written historical fiction. Poverty, homelessness, orphanages, the plight of unwed mothers, and even the occupation of wet nurses are all topics touched on here. You cannot help but feel as if you are on this journey right with Lilli – author Janet Benton captures her thoughts and her spirit perfectly. You will root for her and you will understand her fear, her sorrow, her loneliness and her moments of joy. Religion obviously plays a role in the story, as Lilli is a believer and a Friend. However, this aspect of the novel is not one bit preachy. Rather, we are shown Lilli’s beliefs and how her convictions are tested and reevaluated in a search for truth. Above all, this is about motherhood written in all its many facets. "So little is permissible for a woman—yet on her back every human climbs to adulthood." If you do read this lovely book, which I highly recommend, then be sure to read the Author’s note at the end. It’s a small treasure of information as well. Now, why am I not handing out 5 stars for this one after mostly gushing? Well, one scene towards the end made me cringe and fear we were headed in the wrong direction. Fortunately I was wrong, but then where we do end up seemed a bit rushed after all we had been through with the courageous Miss de Jong. No other ‘complaints’ from me, however, and I will jump at the chance to read anything else Ms. Benton might offer us in future!

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lilli de Jong was an unwed, pregnant Quaker girl in 1880's Philadelphia. Lilli had just one intimate night with her love, before he left to another town to find a better job before they were to marry, and the pregnancy occurred. This is her story of being shamed and being outcast from her home, and the trials and tribulations that came along with this situation at this time in history.
What an intense journey this was for her! It will keep you turning the pages!

Recommended!!!

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

"To love is to risk. To risk is to suffer."

The purest form of love is that between mother and child. And the circumstances surrounding the onset of that innocent love determines the here, the now, and the prospect of a future for them both.

Philadelphia in 1883 closes the door tightly on any unwed mother seeking solace under the weight of her immediate circumstances. If your own family casts you out, there are not many alternatives left. The streets are cruel and they remind one that forgiveness is hardly an option either.

Lilli de Jong is a young Quaker woman living at home who has recently experienced the untimely death of her mother. Her father, in his deep grief, marries his cousin within months and is rejected by the Quaker community. Lilli is turned away from her teaching position as a consequence and must give way to the demands of her father's new wife. Deep shame has visited this family and it rests within the walls. Her brother, Peter, and her father's apprentice, Johan, have decided to travel to Pittsburgh to work in the steel mill. Lilli believes that they will take her with them.

Johan and Lilli have developed a close relationship and he has promised to marry her and eventually bring her to Pittsburgh. Lilli, in her innocence, finds herself bedded and abandoned by Johan. No letters arrive bearing a forwarding address. When Lilli discovers that she is pregnant, her stepmother forces her out of the house with the threat of telling Lilli's father the truth. Shame finds a harbor in the growing evidence under Lilli's apron.

With no money and not much hope, Lilli searches out a home for unwed mothers and convinces the matron to take her in. It is understood that the mothers will give up their babies immediately after birth. But Lilli, desperate to touch love, decides to keep her daughter. "How can you hold on to your misfortune?" What transpires after this is a brilliant piece of work by Janet Benton.

Janet Benton has you taking step after step alongside Lilli as she fights with a remarkable determination to raise her child under the harsh morals of the day. Condemnation follows her everywhere. Reality has a cold stare as she tries to survive with no money, no job, and very few helping hands. The anguish is almost palatable. "How is it that shame affixes itself to the violated, and not to the violator?"

Benton has imbued her story with very well-researched facts involving health standards, infant mortality, foundling homes, diseases, and the plight of the poor and homeless of this time period. You can't help but feel deep dismay at the lack of human compassion for the sick, the dying, and the helpless who are burdened with such unspeakable circumstances.

To harshly judge another human being reveals far more about oneself than the focus of one's wrath. Believe me, Janet Benton's Lilli will certainly open your eyes to that.

[Dem · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Mother's Love is a blessing

A powerful tale, Beautifully written and deeply moving. A story of motherhood set in 1883 philadelphia and the trials of a young pregnant woman alone and her fight to be a mother to her child.

A young woman finds the most powerful love of her life when she gives birth at an institution for unwed mothers in 1883 Philadelphia. She is told she must give up her daughter to avoid lifelong poverty and shame but she chooses to keep her


This story really resonated with me because my great grandmother emigrated to USA in 1904 and became pregnant a year later (Aged 18) she is documented as married but one after the child is born she appears to be alone with her child on all census records and the father has left her. She manages to work and somehow has her child cared for but when the child is 5 years old she takes him on a ship back to Ireland leaves him with her parents, returns after 6 weeks back to New York to her job in a factory and continues to work in America and send home money to her family but unfortunately dies some years later of TB and never got the chance to see her son (my grandfather) again.

So this book pretty much gives me a rough idea of what she had to contend with and the struggles she encountered with a child on her own and without family or guidance to support her.

This is Janet Benton's first novel and it is extremely well researched and written and you certainly get a sense of time and place and the harshness of life and the love of a mother for her child.
I really enjoyed learning about the Quater life and Lilli's story is vivid and affecting and had me captivated from the first page.

Recommended reading for lovers of historical fiction.

[Elyse Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Breathtaking emotional storytelling- haunting...( a few intense graphic scenes)
fascinating history that’s heartbreaking & compelling. Kept me up all night.
*Gorgeous* lyrical prose.
Lilli is a courageous memorable character who goes through *gut-wrenching* obstacles!!!!
Her resilience wholeheartedly inspires the best of motherhood and love. A REALLY TERRIFIC READ!!!
Many thanks to the Goodreads community for picking this book for me.
📚💕

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whew! INCREDIBLY INTENSE from start to finish!

Philadelphia...1883 "My time in shame began in glory".......begins the diary.

LILLI DE JONG is young, happy and educated......until devastating loss followed by shame strikes her Quaker family twofold and she ends up with no job, no husband, and no one to turn to.

With a home for unwed mothers her only alternative, Lilli's life of hardship and AGONIZING times seem to never end....so many difficult decisions to make....some she makes poorly.

From chapter to excruciating chapter, the anticipation of what might happen next is extremely unsettling....the writing is that vividly portrayed. There were times I could hardly stand the anguish......had to take a break from the despair......times the way a new chapter began, I was hesitant to read on.....but had to.

So be forewarned. While LILLI DE JONG is an impressive and powerful debut, and Lilli herself full of strength and courage, the story is a tough one to read......BUT ONE I FOUND IMPERATIVE TO FINISH!

WOW! 5 Stars for me.......

Many thanks to NetGalley and Doubleday Books for the ARC in exchange for an honest review. Look forward to more from Janet Benton!

[Brenda ~The Sisters~Book Witch · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 Stars

Shortly after we meet Lilli De Jong she is left unwed and pregnant. Through Lilli’s journal entries we learn of her fight to survive in a time when society oppresses, judges and shames unwed mothers and their children. She takes us from her life at home to a home for unwed mothers, to a home to care and nurse for a baby from a wealthy family and then left frighteningly alone with her baby in the streets fighting to survive. Determined to keep her daughter and fight to survive poverty she chooses between her morals and the morals and judgment of a harsh society.

Lilli de Jong is a distressing yet uplifting important story that really had me thinking and questioning the morals, self righteous judgement of yesterday and today.
Through Janet Benton’s research and beautifully told story she reminded me what we learn from the past can be a link to the future and left me thinking how far we have come but how far we could still go. I highly recommend.

All of Norma’s and my reviews can be found on our sister blog:
http://www.twogirlslostinacouleereadi...

[Dianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm in downtown Chicago armed with only a phone (and several credit cards - woot!) so will do a review when I get home and have access to my PC. I liked this very much; absolutely stellar writing. Hard to believe this is a debut novel!

** REVIEW UPDATE **
"Lilli De Jong" is a very assured debut novel by Janet Benton about a young Quaker woman in 1880's Philadelphia who is pregnant and abandoned by her lover. Turned adrift by her family to face life on her own, Lilli finds options are very limited for unwed mothers. Shunned by society and unable to earn a decent wage, Lilli finds herself in a charity home for young women who are in her situation. Most of the young women there give up their infants at birth - it's almost impossible to survive with a child when no one will hire a "ruined woman." Lilli, however, falls in love with her newborn daughter, Charlotte, and undertakes a desperate fight to keep her daughter at her side.

I enjoy historical novels that allow you a glimpse into another time and another life. I often take for granted the many liberties I have in my life - books like these are a good reminder of how much progress has been made in the treatment of women, although I know there is still a long way yet to go.

Where this novel really shines is in Benton's writing about Lilli's love for Charlotte - all things motherhood and babies is as beautifully and delicately rendered as a Madonna and child painting. Benton has a gift and it was a pleasure to fall into her lovely writing.

I found the ending a bit flat and pat after all of Lilli's trials, but nevertheless, an impressive debut.

Thanks to Netgalley and Doubleday Books for an ARC of this novel. My review, however, is based on the hardcover edition.

[Margitte · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yesterday afternoon I just wanted to open this book and quickly see what it was all about. Alas, two o'clock this morning I closed it. Dumbfounded.

I cannot remember when was the last time that a book captured me so completely. Seriously. And then I struggled to sleep. So, I'm not in an energy zone where I can sit down and tell you something logical about a book.

Lilli was a Quaker girl who had a baby out of wedlock. Dear oh dear, the consequences were dire and almost unbearable. Partly because the author made sure that the reader will invest emotionally in this tale with here and there some overkill. On the other hand, the story was so realistically set in the 1880s in Philadelphia, that it was impossible not to be there in spirit. Thee and Thou anchored the reader in the language of the time. Her circumstances were real. REAL. So much so, that I could taste the mud, blood and gore of a young girl's world of a strict community, a miserable future and a tragic environment for unwed mothers. Her problems started when she decided to keep the baby and face the shame and humiliation.

However, the ending was hopeful and good. I almost called out loud 'Thank God for small mercies", but refrained. Hubby would have divorced me.

I was so grateful for women who stood up, handled the rocks thrown their way by patriarchal society, and changed the lives of young women such as Lilli. Lilli and Lotte. It did not happen in the book. It was afterwards with the Women's Liberation Movement. And then later on the liberation from religious chains. It was not as much the men in the book who turned her world upside down, as it was the religious and social prejudices which destroyed her honorable aspirations. There were good men and bad women, and bad men and good women crossing her path of destitute and despair. But Lili was young, energetic and determined. She made it.

So instead of indulging in the plot and characters, since this book was more subject driven, I will conclude by saying that this atmospheric drama with the intense emotional backlash for the reader, was an EXCELLENT historical fiction read. Pathos and compassion. Good heavens, how can I describe a book that kept me awake for much longer than it took to read it. There's a slight chick lit element in it, but that's okay. The reader will be female after all.

SO YES, IT WAS WORTH IT.

[Holly B · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written novel that pulled me right in and captivated me until the last page.


The heart wrenching account of a single mother in the 1880's (which of course was seriously scandalous at this time in history).  Lilli de Jong finds herself pregnant and alone at 22 years old. Her fiance, Johan leaves to find work in Pittsburgh and they have discussed how she will join him in a few weeks. When she never hears from him, she decides that she will have to give her baby up for adoption.

I was so invested in her story and felt all her emotions as she tried to hide her pregnancy and find some way out of her impossible situation.  This was such an intense story that my heart would start pounding with shock and fear of what would become of Lilli and her child. The author filled the account with such intricate details and vivid descriptions that I could picture just how destitute her situation was.

Lilli's baby girl is born in a Philadelphia charity for unwed mothers. She makes a decision to keep her child and her distressing journey begins.  It was difficult to read, but impossible to stop.

I Loved this novel, a must read for fans of the genre and era. Compelling, intense, and memorable.

Available in paperback on July 2018
Review will post as part of blog tour on 8/28/18
https://dressedtoread.com/

[Diane Barnes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Intense, emotional, edge-of-your-seat, terrifying,......all in a book about an unwed mother? Well, yes, if it's 1883, you're a Quaker girl who has been betrayed and turned out of her home because of a growing belly, with few resources provided by society, and even those require you to abandon your baby to who knows what. If you decide to keep your child, then every day becomes a savage trial of decisions designed to keep your baby and yourself alive for one more day. Forget the moral high ground, you have to eat so your baby can eat, you're already a fallen woman, and there's no one to help. What do you do? Lie, steal, betray, whatever it takes is what you do, because that's your only choice.

This was my choice for my book club meeting in May, because I thought it would be a good discussion for a month in which we honor mothers. I have a feeling we will all have a lot to say about this one. I actually woke up at 2:30 this morning and decided to read for a while to put myself back to sleep; instead it kept me awake worrying about Lilli and Charlotte, and what would happen to them.

This book was very well researched by the author, as she explains in her afterward. I suggest reading that before reading the book itself. Wet nursing practices, baby farming, institutions for foundlings, medical care.....if, like me, you sometimes wish for the simplicity of the past, this book will cure you of that.

Happy Mothers Day to Lilli de Jong! Courage!

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Every other door...is closed to her who, unmarried, is about to become a mother. Deliberate, calculating villainy, fraud, outrage, burglary, or even murder with malice aforethought, seems to excite more sympathy, more helpful pity, more efforts for the reclamation of the transgressors than are shown towards whose who, if not the victims of others, are at the worst but illustrations of human infirmity." - Annual Report of the State Hospital for Women and Infants, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, 1880

5 strong stars.

I love good historical fiction, and this one checks all the boxes: well-developed characters, fabulous writing, and a properly developed plot where I learn something new.

In Benton's novel we meet Lilli de Jong, a young Quaker teacher, who is unofficially engaged to a young man she deeply loves. He leaves their small town with a promise to send for Lilli once he has found a better job, and once he has left Lilli discovers she is pregnant. Shunned by her family, Lilli finds refuge at the State Hospital for Women and Infants on the condition that she will give her baby up for adoption once it is born.

Benton exquisitely tells the tale of what life was like for unwed mothers in the late 1800s -- the horrors of state-run orphanages, the employment prospects for unwed mothers, the use of wet nurses by the upper classes, and more. While the entire novel is fantastic, I also recommend reading the author's note at the end of the book, which includes interesting historical information.

Reading historical fiction is always an interesting exercise because as readers we can see what has changed with time and what hasn't. Where as a society have we become more enlightened and compassionate, and where do we still need work? This book certainly had me reflecting on how society has viewed women throughout history. How far we've come -- and yet, how far we still have to go.

Thank you to NetGalley and Nan A. Talese for a galley of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Lori Elliott · Rating 5 out of 5]

As excruciating as it was to witness how society treated Lilli, I certainly have a much better appreciation of how far women’s rights have come in the past 150-200 yrs. I loved this line in the author notes: ‘Historians and novelists have in common a love of reaching for the sinuous that poke from the debris of history and of pulling them into sight.’ Thank you, Ms Benton and all the other authors that bring these stories to life. Highly recommend.

[Kevin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Philadelphia, late 19th Century...Liili de Jong stays in a home for unwed mothers until her baby will be born. She is expected to give up her baby as otherwise her life will be ruined with no prospects, no money and really no other options. Her life is judged by all. Her love apparently has forgotten her.

An emotional roller coaster, this book brought late 1800s Philadelphia to life...the pollution, the crowds, the downtrodden. This book was so good it could have been written by Thomas Hardy himself. While reading this I gained a large understanding of what a woman gives up to be a mother. I wanted to call my own mother and thank her repeatedly for all she has done for me.

[Suzanne Leopold (Suzy Approved Book Reviews) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lilli De Jong is living in Philadelphia with a conservative community of Quakers in 1883. She is in love with Johan who is leaving to look for work in Pittsburgh and once established will send for her. They both would like to marry. A mishap occurs and Lilli finds out that she is pregnant after Johan leaves town. She is in a difficult situation because she has not heard from Johan during her pregnancy.

The options are bleak for an unwed mother should she decide to keep her baby. She is left with three options surrounding the birth of her child. Put the baby up for adoption and go back to her former life. Keep her baby and live a life filled with hardships and negative social stigma. Search for her fiance and pursue marriage while finding a means to support herself and her child. Lilli decides to leave home to have her baby at a haven for unwed mothers. She will delay her decision until the baby is born.

This novel is a wonderful story about love and the intense bond that a mother instantaneously feels for her child. This book made me appreciate how society has changed for women and how much easier our lives are today. This is a beautiful debut novel by Janet Benton and one of my favorite reads of the year.

1 copy giveaway on my blog until 5/23 https://www.facebook.com/suzyapproved...

[CL · Rating 4 out of 5]

The year is 1883 and a pregnant unmarried woman has no options and none especially if she is a Quaker. Lilli is pregnant and the man she loved has abandoned her. Now she must go to a home for unwed women. Once her child is born she will be expected to give her baby up. Lilli has decided she will do everything in her power to keep her child no matter what it is. This is a story about the strong bond between a mother and her child. Great read. I would like to thank the Publisher and Net Galley for the chance to read this ARC.

[Stephanie Anze · Rating 4 out of 5]

"So little is permissible for a woman- yet on her back every human climbs to adulthood."

Lilli de Jong is a young woman of a Quaker upbringing. The sudden death of her mother draws her close with her father's apprentice Johan. The night before he is set to leave for Pittsburg to find work (along with Lilli's brother Peter), they spend it together with the promise that he will send his address once he is established. Lilli does not hear from Johan again and matters take a difficult turn when she learns she is pregnant. Unable to remain at home, Lilli goes to the only place that will have her: a haven for unwed women. It will be a grueling and tough journey.

I have read quite a few books with a reverberant theme this year and this one will join that category. Set in 1883, this novel follows Lilli as she unexpectedly finds herself pregnant and alone. Her Quaker religious upbringing now deems her immoral. Her stepmother throws her out of the house. Lilli is able to find a place to stay in the Philadelphia Haven for Women, where she meets other women in her same situation. Lilli is expected to give up her child in order to re-enter society as a pious woman but she makes the brave and bold choice to keep her baby. This novel is foremost a love story, about the most tender and giving love of all, that of a mother. Lilli has to make very tough and even distressing choices but she makes them for the sake of her child. This powerful narrative was touching, the pain and struggle that Lilli faces tangible. Her difficult journey was riddled with dimay and desperation but her fighting spirit never gave up. A remarkable work overall.

While Lilli and the Philadelphia Haven are the author's creation, they are based on real people and places. In the late 1800's, it was considered taboo for a women to be a single mother. The laws were harsh. Woman in this situation were banished from their homes and society and they would have an impossible time finding employment. The State Hospital for Woman and Children was one place were they could turn to. Organized in 1872, for forty years this wing of the Pennsylvania Hospital opened its doors to unwed pregnant women. Perhaps the most unfair aspect of this whole situation was that the circumstances of the pregnancies were not taken into consideration. Many women had been abused, taken advantage of, made false promises to and yet they faced the brunt of the attack. The men? They skirted any blame and responsibility. "How is it that shame affixes itself to the violated and not the violator?" Sure makes me happy to not have been born during that time. Thanks to Benton for bringing this topic into the spotlight.

[Jeannie · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5 This was an excellent read! What beautiful writing! I could not stop thinking about Lilli and her baby each time I had to put the book down and I couldn't wait to get back to it. This was really intense in a couple places and I worried about Lilli and some of her choices. I'm so glad I didn't live back then. I won't forget this story! Highly recommend for those who love historical fiction.
I look forward to more from this writer!

[Lisa (NY) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lilli De Jong is a curl-up, leave-me-alone-until-I-finish historical novel. The novel powerfully chronicles the terrible sexism and degradation an unwed mother was forced to undergo in 1883 Philadelphia. I liked that Lilli is tough, vulnerable and intelligent - continuously questioning, learning and re-evaluating her past relationships, her faith and her place in the world as a woman. And I loved that the real love affair here is between Lilli and her baby.

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful story !! A beautiful debut novel written with such poetic finesse.

Set in the late 1800’s Lilli De Jong is an unwed mother faced with the dilemma of giving up her daughter to avoid shame, prejudices, and life long poverty. I absolutely adored Lilli and was totally invested in her journey through loving and losing and her true testament of being a devoted mother against all odds and there were many.

The injustice unwed mothers endured in those days was heart wrenching to read. I actually caught myself holding my breath as I was rapidly turning the pages and having to remind myself, that even though these hardships for women back then were real, this was a work of historical fiction. Janet Benton is just that amazing of a writer, she really takes you there, almost as if you were experiencing it for yourself.

I know it’s still early, but I think this will be one of my favorite books for 2018 !!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Betsy Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book evoked such a volcano of feelings, I could hardly follow them.

First, relief that I live now and not in 1883.

Second, oh how I love Lilli De Jong, a woman who is pregnant, unmarried, shunned, and alone with nothing, and yet still has the intelligence and the fearlessness to distinguish between what authority figures (a minister, doctors, the people in charge of the home for unwed mothers where she gives birth, and society) tell her and what is true.

Third, although I’ve never had kids, I was with Lilli every heart-pounding step of the way in her quest to reclaim her new baby and abide by her own particular “Light Within.”

Fourth, the third item, above, exploded in an even deeper empathy and agony for the immigrants in this country who have had their babies ripped from them. Like Lilli, they have no rights and nowhere to go where they can be certain they will stay alive. The only real kindness for Lilli comes to her from people who have also experienced pain. When you have no rights and your life is on the line, and your babies have been taken and transported who-knows-where . . . Well, it’s close to unbearable.

And all of this was in the first hundred pages and then escalated to the point where the tension became physically painful. So I’d pause, but then be compelled to keep reading.

The book is a series of diary entries that feel like a real novel rather than authentic diary entries. This is the author’s art.

“I gain a sense of company when I confide my doings here,” writes Lilli about writing in her diary—which leads me to the fifth evocation of tumultuous feeling: Me too. I’ve been writing diaries/journals since I was eight, but mine should be burned when I die. Pure emotional vomit. Those that comprise this book are beautifully written, cogent, well-paced, moving, and so well-researched (without obvious fact-dumping) that you can smell the city stink and hear the clip-clops of the Hansom carriage horses in nineteenth-century Philadelphia.

Lilli De Jong is spiritual (Quaker), philosophical, and heroically feministic without ever turning preachy. I thoroughly enjoyed it.

[Linda Zagon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kudos to Janet Benton , Author of “Lilli de Jong” for writing such a captivating, emotional, intriguing and compassionate novel. The Genres for this novel are Historical Fiction and Fiction. The timeline for this story is around 1883, and the location is mostly Philadelphia. I appreciate the historical research and the resources that the author has used to create this novel. The author discusses that during this time in history, one of the worst crimes that a woman can do, is to conceive a child out-of-wedlock. Often these young women were forced to leave their homes and disowned by their families, and were outcasts. They were encouraged to give up their babies. The survival of these “bastards'” as the children were called was very slim.

The author describes her characters as complex and complicated. There is a difference shown between wealth and poverty. Lilli de Jong , a Quaker who grew up in Germantown believes that her lover will marry her. She winds up pregnant, and abandoned. In 1883 a single, unwed mother to be had very few choices. Lilli does find an institution for unwed mothers, and lives and works there. Like most of the young women there, it is expected that Lilli will give up her baby. These women feel shame , guilt and are frightened.

Lilli notices that after the women give birth, they often have to nurse more than one child. Their babies are taken away, and their prospects are very slim. When Lilli gives birth, she finds herself in love with her little girl, and can’t give her away. In order to survive, Lilly has to find work. She works for a wealthy family nursing their little boy, and cleaning their home. While Lilli works, she has to find someone to nurse and take care of her baby. Often these wet-nurses would feed several babies in terrible conditions.

I love that the author discusses that women have to work hard to survive, despite prejudice and being ostracized from their homes and community. These women have no rights, are discriminated against, and yet to survive they have to be brave, relentless, and courageous. This time period shows no regard or equality for women. I highly recommend this novel to readers who appreciate Historical Fiction.

[Marialyce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting read and how we women of today should be ever so grateful that we live in the times we do.