Destined for Destiny: The Unauthorized Autobiography of George W. Bush

by Scott Dikkers, Peter Hilleren

In Destined for Destiny , George W. Bush offers readers an intimate, plainspoken, and often readable look at the character-shaping achievements that led to his inevitable rise to the office of President of the United States. Written from the heart, not from the brain, this definitive autobiography takes readers on a journey through the 43rd President's life, including his hardscrabble beginnings as the child of West Texas oil millionaires, the remarkable academic performance that earned him entry into the finest East Coast schools, and his proud service to the country as an occasional member of the National Guard sometime around 1972 or 1973. He proudly recounts his years as a successful oil-business failure and the owner of a baseball team. He even dares to dream the ultimate to become Commissioner of Baseball. The great man we meet here displays his mother's steely resolve and vindictive temper, his father's keen mastery of language, and his own unique gift of deciding. His gripping life story deepens when a faith in God hits him one day "like a bottle of Jack on an empty stomach," and he has an encounter with the Prince of Peace that sets George W. Bush on a path to become the greatest War President in history. To help craft this lasting account of his life and leadership, George W. Bush turned to two writers who have earned not only his trust but his deep Scott Dikkers , editor-in-chief of The Onion and coauthor of the #1 bestseller Our Dumb Century , and Peter Hilleren , former producer for public radio and some of the nation's finest public-access cable-television stations. Dikkers and Hilleren call on their finely honed journalism expertise every week to write and record the President's weekly radio address on WeeklyRadioAddress.com. Their work on such stirring addresses as "June Terror Update" and "The Pope Is Dead" made them the ideal choice to meet the challenge of chronicling the visionary mark left on history by its shining light, President George W. Bush. * * * Free from all the filters, handlers, and facts . . . I tell the untold story of my inspirational life. You will struggle with me in my strugglesome youth. During the Vietnam War, you will be right there at my side as I face down the terrible enemy of my sinful partying. Together, we will meet and fall head over heels for the love of my life -- Jesus. And through me you will become a beloved, terror-fighting hero in the greatest hour of my presidency, September 11, 2001. I embarked upon this important and historical work against the advice of my advisors. Come what may, I wanted you to hear my story from me, in my own talking. God bless, George W. Bush

Genres: Humor, Politics, History, Audiobook, Satire, Nonfiction

192 pages, Hardcover

First published October 3, 2006

About the author

Scott Dikkers is the #1 New York Times bestselling author of “How to Write Funny.” He's also the founder of TheOnion.com and The AV Club.

Scott sends out a daily tip on Substack:

https://scottdikkers.substack.com/

Be sure to follow him on BookBub for insiders deals on his books!

https://www.bookbub.com/authors/scott...

Reviews

[Leslie · Rating 5 out of 5]

What President does this make you think about: “Many have asked me what I will do once I have retired from the presidency. First, I have not made up my determination one way or the other whether I will retire or not. It is possible that Congress will pass a law allowing a President to rule for more terms in office. It is also possible that a terrible tragedy will befall our nation, and I will have no choice but to declare a national state of emergency and suspend the Constitution in order to protect our cherished liberties. In this eventuality, the electoral process would be discontinued indefinitely. I hope this does not happen, but one never knows when such extreme measures are necessary to protect us against the enemy.”

As you know, of course, this came from the book about George W. Bush under review (pages 161-2). But its satirical message applies also to you know who.

[Michael Lortz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Of all our recent presidents, jokes about George W Bush have aged the worst. Aw shucks nepo baby jokes don't hit when compared to modern politics.
But I've had this on my shelf for 20 years. It's about time I read it. I probably would have enjoyed it more 20 years ago.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was all a single note, but the photos in the center of the book are hilarious and the title was pretty funny.

[mad mags · Rating 5 out of 5]

The White Man’s Burden

GEORGE W. BUSH: PORTRAIT OF A LEADER. THE GEORGE W. BUSH LEGACY. THE BUSH TRAGEDY. Numerous biographizers have biographized about George W. Bush, the 43rd and 44th President of the United States, respectfully, but these biographies all suffer the same fatal flaw: they're filled with facts. Thusly, Mr. President – or King George, as he's fond of being called – has written the definingest account of his own life and times, entitled DESTINED FOR DESTINY: THE UNAUTHORIZED AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF GEORGE W. BUSH.

More faithier than THE FAITH OF GEORGE W. BUSH, more partisaney than BUSHWHACKED, more funner than THE GEORGE W. BUSH COLORING BOOK – indeed, rawer than the finest sushi made by the most hard-workingest Chinamen, more unfiltered than even Ward Cleaver's Lucky Strikes – DESTINED FOR DESTINY tells George W. Bush's life story, in his own vernacular.

In this unauthorized, semi-autobiographical autobiography, President George W. Bush recounts his life's biography, touching upon a number of touchstone issues, including:

* His childhood struggle against excessive wealth and crippling privilege: "Like ROOTS, only white."

* His love for Laura: "I was blessed with the good fortune of meeting a wonderful small-town Texas woman who had a dazed and clueless stare reminiscent of a goat that had been struck between the eyes with a tire iron – a halting kind of beauty which every man desires in a woman."

* His non-battle with a drinking problem: "The day I realized that I was not an alcoholic changed my life."

* The Greatest Love of his Life: "Jesus."

* Al Gore: "I did not have a nickname for him because I did not have warm feelings for him. I only felt for him what one might feel for a calculator or other type of inhuman thinking box."

* The multi facets of 9/11: "9-11, September the 11th, and the events of 9-11, 2001."

* John Kerry: "[The Democrats] turned to dark forces, and created a candidate using perverted science. John Kerry was what they called it. He had the tall, lanky torso of Abe Lincoln, and the brain of my previous opponent, Al Gore. He also had Michael Dukakis's hair, Walter Mondale's charm, and the strong lower jaw of Herman Munster, the great Democratic President of the 1960s."

* His brave crusade against gay marriage: "We worked to protect marriage from the wrongful marriers."

* His enduring legacy: "I strongly believe that a large statue is called for, and I propose that this towering likeness be built in the glorious city center of the new, rebuilt New Orleans."

Our Dear Leader also ponders age-old ponderables, such as:

* Is our children learning?

* Will the highways on the Internet become more few?

* Does Brazil have blacks, too?

* Should steroids be banned from baseball?

* Is Brownie doing a heckuva a job, or the heckuvaest job?

In sum, it will leave meat-huggers and meat-eaters alike wanting a hot dog. Perhaps even one dipped in chocolate. (But not dark chocolate; in the words of dubya, full-time decision-maker and part-time wiener connoisseur, "A truly American snack treat must be covered in milk chocolate only.")

Because George W. Bush is no fan of words, or collections of words called books, he has generously shouted DESTINED FOR DESTINY into a sound machine so that his adoring subjects can read it with their ears. Even so, he urges you to buy a copy of each edition, as the book-with-words also contains never-before-seen family photos and super-secret governating documents, while the book-with-sounds has bonus extra soundy stuff, like never-before-heard radio addresses. Besides, if you don't buy at least one copy of each book, the terraists win. You should probably also buy a paperback edition when it's released, just to be safer. The US of A can never be too safer. From terraists. Did I mention the terraists? They perpetuated 9-11, you know.

Also, if you like George W. Bush, and you liked the book George W. Bush wrote about the story of George W. Bush's life, then you may also like Dr. Stephen T. Colbert, DFA's story about his own life story, entitled I AM AMERICA (AND SO CAN YOU). Although Dr. Colbert is an sinning Catholic, who has said some unkind sayings about The True Christians, he is still a rich, snow-white, heterosexual man-boy, and is a loyal supporter of both George W. Bush and Jesus. Says Our Dear Leader: "Stephen Colbert: great punditer or The Greatest Punditer (tm)?".

http://www.easyvegan.info/2008/02/02/...

[Wysterria · Rating 3 out of 5]

i kept seeing this book pass thru at the library and decided to try it out. i probably would not have read it had it actually been written by george bush himself. it was a fairly entertaining mock-autobiography, but got a little obnoxious at times. i don't think it was too far of a stretch as far as portraying bush's lack of language skills, having read much of his real 'dumb' quotes.
if you like bush, or are very religious, you will probably find this book offensive though.

[Dana · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm not a Republican or Democrat (I'm actually Non Partisan, but that's another story), but this book was recommended by a friend. The creators of weeklyradioaddress.com wrote this satirical unauthorized biography of George W. Bush. My thoughts on this book are that I have my opinions and I respect those of others. Basically, I do not want to be convinced or persuaded to the authors' point of view, whether I agree or not. I just found it funny in some parts and rather annoying in others.

[Lisa Litberg · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Like 'Roots' Only White."

Written by the creators of The Onion, a parody of a newspaper, this book pokes fun at our former president by creating his unauthorized autobiography. If you are a Bush supporter you will probably hate this book, but if you are like most of the population you'll find it amusing. The picture section, which shows Jesus in every great moment in Bush's life, is particularly funny.

[Marni · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was definitely amusing. Make sure you check out the photos in the middle of the book and read through the first couple of chapters. But well after a few more chapters it was pretty lame. I rarely say this but check this out standing up by the bookshelf--it will give you a few minutes of fun but then put it back on the shelf.

[Rebekka Istrail · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amusing. I especially enjoyed the physical descriptions of Gore (obviously a computer impersonating a human) and Kerry (a Frankenstein's monster stitched together from the body parts of dead Vietnam vets).

[Kristal Stidham · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book exists in hardcover and paperback, but you should really seek it out on audio and listen to "George W. Bush" read it himself. Hubby and I listened to nearly the entire thing with a smirk on our faces, interrupted frequently by snorts and "ha!"s.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pretty decent anti-bush book.

[cheeseblab · Rating 1 out of 5]

Comedy is hard. Or maybe after 7 years I've lost my sense of humor about the guy. It's a great title anyway.

[Anna · Rating 2 out of 5]

It is always funny to satirize the commander in chief, but the humor gets weary before the end of the book.

[Heather · Rating 3 out of 5]

For anyone who likes The Onion Radio News, this is a funny quick read.

[Melea · Rating 3 out of 5]

Short and snarky. A fun book. I did have to put it down periodically because it would get a little much. Nevertheless, it is what is expected from The Onion staff.

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are a fan of Dubya - do not read this book, if not it is side-splittingly funny. Even better as a Book on Cd because of the readers and the voices they do.

[Tim · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dumb, but good entertainment.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

The writers from the Onion have done it again. This book is sofunny. Just a funny read.

[Sara · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not my type of humor.