Polyamory and Jealousy: A More Than Two Essentials Guide

by Eve Rickert

The essential quick guide for coping with jealousy in polyamorous relationships,adapted from materia in More Than Two. 

Genres: Polyamory, Relationships, Self Help, Nonfiction, Sexuality, Audiobook, Psychology

50 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 16, 2016

About the author

I’m a Gen X professional writer, editor and publisher in Canada. I am the publisher of Thorntree Press and the founder of Talk Science to Me Communications. I’ve edited and published dozens of books and co-authored three.

Reviews

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book made me realize I'm not alone

I found myself melting down because of jealousy issues, and it deeply damaged my relationship. To try to save it, I found an article by Veaux, which led me to this ebook.

Veaux and Richert describe exact situations I am in, and exactly the feelings I'm having. I felt hopeless, and now I have hope again. This book is amazing, and everyone should read it, poly or not.

[Peacefully Snoozing by the Fire · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m a monogamist but I found More Than Two to be so awesome I wanted to read this too. It’s very short as it’s essentially a reworking of the chapter on jealousy in the original More Than Two book (by the same authors). But it’s really insightful and offers a new way to think about jealousy. I’ve come away feeling like it’s possible for me to use jealousy to actually strengthen my relationships, rather than fear it in case it damages them.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great hook

Great book in aiding with understanding jealousy in poly relationships and jealousy towards other person. Recommend to all who are in or interested in poly.

[Chandana Sudha · Rating 5 out of 5]

I follow Franklin Veaux exclusively on Quora. So, I buy all the books whenever he recommends or writes a book. He has totally changed my views on relationships. I also like his partners and they are inspiring people in my life. :)

This short guide is really helpful. My key takeaways are:
+ Emotions don't define us. Actions are our responsibility.
+ No one owes us anything. They can leave at any time. We have control only in the way we treat them. (This is a very important lesson.)
+ When in jealousy ask for support and talk. (eg: asking what they value in you)
+ Practice security (self-worth must come from within, not from someone else)
+ No one person can replace another. (Important lesson to tackle the fear of being replaced. Feel worthy of love because of who you are, and be able to recognize your own unique irreplaceability, and the irreplaceability of partners).
+ Everyone is unique. And every experience is still different because nobody else is you.

[Kelsey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Being polyamorous for years, I thought I was immune to jealous feelings, so when they popped up unexpectedly I was caught off guard. This book was incredible at helping me to realize that A) I'm not alone and B) jealous feelings don't make me a bad poly person. It helped put everything into perspective and gave concrete tips of how to navigate relationships when jealous feelings do creep up. Helped to save me from inadvertently sabotaging and destroying a relationship I value highly. Definitely a must read for even those "experienced" in polyamory.

[Kristina · Rating 3 out of 5]

A decent, very short, read. Nothing groundbreaking. Reinforces that monogamy is right for me at this point in my life, but that monogamy is certainly not for everyone and I have a lot of respect for poly individuals willing to work through issues addressed in this book. There were certainly applications in this book outside of just polyamory: emotion regulation, tolerance, acceptance, responsibility taking, and baseline empathic treatment to expect in a partner.

[Stella Peng · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good short read. I nearly read their entire blog and have dealt with these issues intensively before, so there was nothing new for me. I really adore their blog, their stories and experiences and how they talk about them. I do think their content is valuable for both monogamous and non-monogamous people, the underlying principles are the same. I wasn't really reading it to get more insights but it's interesting to read of other people's experiences and how different they are from mine.

[Tova Cranford · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very short read packed with a lot of thought-provoking ideas around jealousy. While geared toward polyamory, I think this could be a useful resource for anyone experiencing jealousy in any relationship structure (so, like, everyone).

What I have been learning in the last few years, and the most interesting idea explored in this short read in my opinion, is that what we name as jealousy is rarely just that - it is often something deeper or more nuanced & rooted in our own sense of self worth.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this alongside “More Than Two.”

I appreciate how it is taken as important to be responsible for our own behavior. “When we feel that we have lost control over our own lives, we often try to take it back by controlling others.” That is probably one of the most common acts of human behavior, and it often goes completely unchecked by an individual due to a blind spot within their own introspective skills. I think we would all do well to keep checking ourselves for this.

[Taylor Givens · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciated the parts in this book that focused on security. Rickert and Veaux recommend asking your partner(s), "What do you want from me? How do I bring value in your life?" and I think that's a valuable way to provide clarity in both poly and mono relationships. I'll definitely be taking communication points from this book in the future!

[Em · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just read this supplement to the book, More Than Two. Although this is covered in the actual book it's a nice summary of the aspects of jealousy. It's worth reading as a stand alone TL:DR for jealously in polyamory.

[lala · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very short, sweet, and refreshing. Would have appreciated a deeper and longer examination on jealousy. This could easily be turned into its own book. But my god, reading about poly is so refreshing. Love, kindness, making space for people’s uniqueness instead of replaceability.

[Amanda Holmes · Rating 5 out of 5]

More than two

I read this after the jealousy chapter in more than two and this short book gives me more reassurance than I thought it would. It has given me a new perspective on my own insecurities and how to manage best.

[Shay Able · Rating 4 out of 5]

It had great questions at the end. I learned I have more work to do but I do want to be able to share better. I want to love completely and worship fully. I don’t get jealous much. I just want attention too. 🤔

[Florian Holzner · Rating 5 out of 5]

The right book at an opportune moment can make all the difference.

[Cat · Rating 3 out of 5]

A good suggested work on jealousy. Expected more tools, guidelines.

[Lorenzo Primiterra · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s "just" a chapter of other book with more information explained in deep, very good starting point to get some interest before picking up a 500+ pages book.

[Jai · Rating 4 out of 5]

My full review is on my blog https://blackpolybabe.blogspot.com/20...

[Claudia Putnam · Rating 3 out of 5]

So I read this too

[Rita · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm a monogamist but read this to help understand jealousy a bit better. Had some helpful tips.

[Patty Wood]

Quick little TedTalk essentially. Great for anyone who wants to know more about managing jealousy and really doesn't matter whether you are poly or not.

[Jan Jaap]

Found it 2022 0612 su 23:55 cest.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/195... preview

[Meeko Hurst · Rating 2 out of 5]

Very short book. It felt like there should have definitely been more tools. Not much profoundly said

[Claire Abs]

to-read

[neko cam · Rating 2 out of 5]

A fine refresher, but without the broader context of the rest of More Than Two it feels too shallow. It does cover the “essentials” as the title suggests, but nothing more.

[Paideia Hartgrove · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very nice and easy to read. Very insightful.

[Jason Kitzan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting!! A good resource for understanding your feelings but also great info in anticipation of emotional issues you may encounter when first beginning in ENM/poly

[Alexis Andrews · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was very insightful but also didn’t expect it to be such a short book

[Randy Foreman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short and sweet, does a great

[Letta Raven · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful and insightful

This was helpful not just in moving forward in new relationships, but gave serious insights to previous ones. A short but helpful guide.