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Out of the Ordinary: A Life of Gender and Spiritual Transitions
Now available for the first time--more than 50 years after it was written--is the memoir of Michael Dillon/Lobzang Jivaka (1915-62), the British doctor and Buddhist monastic novice chiefly known to scholars of sex, gender, and sexuality for his pioneering transition from female to male between 1939 and 1949, and for his groundbreaking 1946 book Self: A Study in Ethics and Endocrinology. Here at last is Dillon/Jivaka's extraordinary life story told in his own words.
Out of the Ordinary captures Dillon/Jivaka's various journeys--to Oxford, into medicine, across the world by ship--within the major narratives of his gender and religious journeys. Moving chronologically, Dillon/Jivaka begins with his childhood in Folkestone, England, where he was raised by his spinster aunts, and tells of his days at Oxford immersed in theology, classics, and rowing. He recounts his hormonal transition while working as an auto mechanic and fire watcher during World War II and his surgical transition under Sir Harold Gillies while Dillon himself attended medical school. He details his worldwide travel as a ship's surgeon in the British Merchant Navy with extensive commentary on his interactions with colonial and postcolonial subjects, followed by his "outing" by the British press while he was serving aboard The City of Bath.
Out of the Ordinary is not only a salient record of an early sex transition but also a unique account of religious conversion in the mid-twentieth century. Dillon/Jivaka chronicles his gradual shift from Anglican Christianity to the esoteric spiritual systems of George Gurdjieff and Peter Ouspensky to Theravada and finally Mahayana Buddhism. He concludes his memoir with the contested circumstances of his Buddhist monastic ordination in India and Tibet. Ultimately, while Dillon/Jivaka died before becoming a monk, his novice ordination was significant: It made him the first white European man to be ordained in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition.
Out of the Ordinary is a landmark publication that sets free a distinct voice from the history of the transgender movement.
Out of the Ordinary captures Dillon/Jivaka's various journeys--to Oxford, into medicine, across the world by ship--within the major narratives of his gender and religious journeys. Moving chronologically, Dillon/Jivaka begins with his childhood in Folkestone, England, where he was raised by his spinster aunts, and tells of his days at Oxford immersed in theology, classics, and rowing. He recounts his hormonal transition while working as an auto mechanic and fire watcher during World War II and his surgical transition under Sir Harold Gillies while Dillon himself attended medical school. He details his worldwide travel as a ship's surgeon in the British Merchant Navy with extensive commentary on his interactions with colonial and postcolonial subjects, followed by his "outing" by the British press while he was serving aboard The City of Bath.
Out of the Ordinary is not only a salient record of an early sex transition but also a unique account of religious conversion in the mid-twentieth century. Dillon/Jivaka chronicles his gradual shift from Anglican Christianity to the esoteric spiritual systems of George Gurdjieff and Peter Ouspensky to Theravada and finally Mahayana Buddhism. He concludes his memoir with the contested circumstances of his Buddhist monastic ordination in India and Tibet. Ultimately, while Dillon/Jivaka died before becoming a monk, his novice ordination was significant: It made him the first white European man to be ordained in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition.
Out of the Ordinary is a landmark publication that sets free a distinct voice from the history of the transgender movement.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published November 1, 2016
15 people are currently reading
408 people want to read
About the author
Michael Dillon
2 books10 followersBorn Laura Maud Dillon, Dillon tranistioned from female to male between 1939 and 1949.
Studied at Oxford, attended medical school, and traveled the world aboard the British Merchant Navy as a ship's surgeon.
He is the first white European man to be ordained in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, taking the name Lobzang Jivaka.
Studied at Oxford, attended medical school, and traveled the world aboard the British Merchant Navy as a ship's surgeon.
He is the first white European man to be ordained in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, taking the name Lobzang Jivaka.
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
August 7, 2016
It's been a while since I've responded so strongly to a memoir, but this is a tremendous historic document and I hope its rescue from a typewritten manuscript decaying in a corporate archives to nice contemporary publication will help it gain a wide academic and non-academic audience.
So who was Michael Dillon/Lobzang Jivaka? In one sentence, the first transman to get a phalloplasty. Less crudely, a member of the British gentry, a doctor, an officer of the Merchant Navy, and the first White man accepted as a Tibetan monk. He wrote this set of memoirs as sort of a clap-back after he’d been outed, then mailed them off to a publisher. Sadly he died rather quickly thereafter of a sudden illness, before the package reached the publishing house, and then the manuscript was blocked from publication by his surviving brother. And has remained in legal limbo for 50 years, until now.
What I like best about Michael’s memoirs is that he’s such a warty human being and he either didn’t bother to disguise it, or was just totally oblivious to his own personal failings. I don’t know what he was doing in that Tibetan monastery before he wrote this but he sure as heck didn’t reach enlightenment. He cracks off these little dickish comments about The Poors, The Irish, The NHS, The [Any Non-British Ethnicity he met], Christians, Women, literally any identity that he is not, he in general doesn’t approve of, and why not write all that down he apparently thought, sitting in front of a typewriter in his Buddhist robes, typing out his memoirs. Why not indeed. Be who you are, embrace who you are, embrace your gender even if people tell you it's wrong, and embrace your personality, even if that personality is An Asshole. He also never for one second stops to think how uniquely privileged he was to be born independently rich and British, to get access to testosterone only a couple of years after its synthesis, how lucky he was to find a plastic surgeon (Harold Gilles) who would complete a mastectomy and phalloplasty on him. He sort of accepts these things in his life as his due, and let’s hear no more fuss about it. Which was the most challenging part of the memoir for me: I kept thinking, be just a tiny bit grateful you privileged butthole, do you know what other people suffered, but eventually I decided I was wrong and Michael was right. Why doesn’t he just deserve it? Why should he be expected to be grateful for a shot at an average life? He shouldn’t, and he wasn’t. Why should anyone?
He also totally fudges his own story, which is the mark of a truly fine memoir. What people omit from their own story is much more interesting than what they’ll ramble on about. In this case, Michael devotes lavish attention to his Oxford rowing career, how much he liked his Merchant Navy uniform (admittedly he works it), his fondness for chipping the paint off the sides of ships (not joking), and a blue and white bicycle he owned, while forgetting to mention minor details to his life like, oh, his entire relationship with the more household-name Roberta Cowell, who he secretly castrated (it was against the law at the time) so she could seek out her own plastic surgery, and who he wanted to marry, but she refused him. She’s not mentioned. At all. Which is very telling. But shhh. Brush up on your rowing terminology.
And here’s the “finale” to the book: he spent years “passing” and was as a member of the Merchant Navy, professes many times how he doesn’t care for money, and then, I guess on a whim, decided he’d better write off to Burke’s Peerage register to be next in line for his older brother’s title now that he’s got all that nonsense sorted out. And then he is shocked and appalled when someone eventually notices this, and then journalists come to his ship and out him in the British papers. Then he sees no choice but to faff off to be a Tibetan Buddhist monk for a few years before he can return to Civilization AKA Britain. And being an American; I sit at home reading his memoirs and just honestly cannot fathom what on earth went through his mind to do that. Michael you complete and utter ding dong, who cares about that moldy old title, you had freedom! But that’s precisely the sort of arrogant, idiotic, un-charming version of Bertie Wooster that Michael Dillon is. The sort of guy who registers for a British title after a hitherto very subtle legal sex change and is shocked that this has consequences. But he was born into the ragged edges of British nobility and he’s right, it’s his title to claim, and it’s the world that’s wrong.
That’s I think what’s so strong about these memoirs. The title is a lie: he’s not out of the ordinary. Not at all. He’s such a very average human being. I would probably find him extremely irritating as a co-worker. The thing that’s on the surface most interesting about him, proves to not be very interesting at all. Which is a nice message in its own way.
To be succinct, everything about this book is excellent and cool. The historical framing and introductory sections? Excellent. The fact that they happen to frame this rare historical document, rescued from legal death-by-a-thousand-cuts in some corporate archives? So cool. Pick it up this winter, try on another human being’s skin, view his warts and moles, compare them to your own. If you don’t, you’re missing the release from Archives Captivity into the Academic Wild of one of the most fascinating memoirs in modern times, soon to be used and abused in undergrad papers worldwide, and you’ll regret not reading it fresh yourself before it gets picked to death by other people’s analysis.
My copy of this book was free from the publisher for the purposes of review.
So who was Michael Dillon/Lobzang Jivaka? In one sentence, the first transman to get a phalloplasty. Less crudely, a member of the British gentry, a doctor, an officer of the Merchant Navy, and the first White man accepted as a Tibetan monk. He wrote this set of memoirs as sort of a clap-back after he’d been outed, then mailed them off to a publisher. Sadly he died rather quickly thereafter of a sudden illness, before the package reached the publishing house, and then the manuscript was blocked from publication by his surviving brother. And has remained in legal limbo for 50 years, until now.
What I like best about Michael’s memoirs is that he’s such a warty human being and he either didn’t bother to disguise it, or was just totally oblivious to his own personal failings. I don’t know what he was doing in that Tibetan monastery before he wrote this but he sure as heck didn’t reach enlightenment. He cracks off these little dickish comments about The Poors, The Irish, The NHS, The [Any Non-British Ethnicity he met], Christians, Women, literally any identity that he is not, he in general doesn’t approve of, and why not write all that down he apparently thought, sitting in front of a typewriter in his Buddhist robes, typing out his memoirs. Why not indeed. Be who you are, embrace who you are, embrace your gender even if people tell you it's wrong, and embrace your personality, even if that personality is An Asshole. He also never for one second stops to think how uniquely privileged he was to be born independently rich and British, to get access to testosterone only a couple of years after its synthesis, how lucky he was to find a plastic surgeon (Harold Gilles) who would complete a mastectomy and phalloplasty on him. He sort of accepts these things in his life as his due, and let’s hear no more fuss about it. Which was the most challenging part of the memoir for me: I kept thinking, be just a tiny bit grateful you privileged butthole, do you know what other people suffered, but eventually I decided I was wrong and Michael was right. Why doesn’t he just deserve it? Why should he be expected to be grateful for a shot at an average life? He shouldn’t, and he wasn’t. Why should anyone?
He also totally fudges his own story, which is the mark of a truly fine memoir. What people omit from their own story is much more interesting than what they’ll ramble on about. In this case, Michael devotes lavish attention to his Oxford rowing career, how much he liked his Merchant Navy uniform (admittedly he works it), his fondness for chipping the paint off the sides of ships (not joking), and a blue and white bicycle he owned, while forgetting to mention minor details to his life like, oh, his entire relationship with the more household-name Roberta Cowell, who he secretly castrated (it was against the law at the time) so she could seek out her own plastic surgery, and who he wanted to marry, but she refused him. She’s not mentioned. At all. Which is very telling. But shhh. Brush up on your rowing terminology.
And here’s the “finale” to the book: he spent years “passing” and was as a member of the Merchant Navy, professes many times how he doesn’t care for money, and then, I guess on a whim, decided he’d better write off to Burke’s Peerage register to be next in line for his older brother’s title now that he’s got all that nonsense sorted out. And then he is shocked and appalled when someone eventually notices this, and then journalists come to his ship and out him in the British papers. Then he sees no choice but to faff off to be a Tibetan Buddhist monk for a few years before he can return to Civilization AKA Britain. And being an American; I sit at home reading his memoirs and just honestly cannot fathom what on earth went through his mind to do that. Michael you complete and utter ding dong, who cares about that moldy old title, you had freedom! But that’s precisely the sort of arrogant, idiotic, un-charming version of Bertie Wooster that Michael Dillon is. The sort of guy who registers for a British title after a hitherto very subtle legal sex change and is shocked that this has consequences. But he was born into the ragged edges of British nobility and he’s right, it’s his title to claim, and it’s the world that’s wrong.
That’s I think what’s so strong about these memoirs. The title is a lie: he’s not out of the ordinary. Not at all. He’s such a very average human being. I would probably find him extremely irritating as a co-worker. The thing that’s on the surface most interesting about him, proves to not be very interesting at all. Which is a nice message in its own way.
To be succinct, everything about this book is excellent and cool. The historical framing and introductory sections? Excellent. The fact that they happen to frame this rare historical document, rescued from legal death-by-a-thousand-cuts in some corporate archives? So cool. Pick it up this winter, try on another human being’s skin, view his warts and moles, compare them to your own. If you don’t, you’re missing the release from Archives Captivity into the Academic Wild of one of the most fascinating memoirs in modern times, soon to be used and abused in undergrad papers worldwide, and you’ll regret not reading it fresh yourself before it gets picked to death by other people’s analysis.
My copy of this book was free from the publisher for the purposes of review.
February 4, 2017
I had just finished the biography of Michael Dillon by Liz Hodgkinson so i was fascinated to discover his own writing had just been published. This book doesn't provide a lot of information in the way of transitioning which is to be expected really given when it was written and when Michael transitioned. I found it very enjoyable and I had completely different impression of him compared to Liz Hodgkinson's book where she didn't show in a particularly good light.
Michael Dillon was clearly generous, very helpful and innovative. He paid for a young person to go to private school just because he wanted money not to be a barrier. When he was a doctor, he bought materials for craft work and patients could make belts and purses, which was a sort of occupational therapy for them. The items were sold and then he bought radios for the patients with the profit. He drove patients out to the seaside in his spare time. When we was a ship's doctor he organised exercise classes.. Micheal was clearly a product of the British Class system, his views were shaped like this and he benefited from it but he helped people when he could. The buddhist chapter is very short and this will disappoint you if you are looking for his experiences there. Though I understand he wrote quite a bit about Buddhism and the west.secondly it's disappointing that he didn't mention his relationship with Roberta Cowell but I suspect there was an agreement there.
It's still a fascinating read. Micheal Dillon was a pioneer in so many ways. I'm very glad his own story had finally come to be published. All trans people, especially trans men, like myself are grateful for the first trans men who put themselves under the knife..
Michael Dillon was clearly generous, very helpful and innovative. He paid for a young person to go to private school just because he wanted money not to be a barrier. When he was a doctor, he bought materials for craft work and patients could make belts and purses, which was a sort of occupational therapy for them. The items were sold and then he bought radios for the patients with the profit. He drove patients out to the seaside in his spare time. When we was a ship's doctor he organised exercise classes.. Micheal was clearly a product of the British Class system, his views were shaped like this and he benefited from it but he helped people when he could. The buddhist chapter is very short and this will disappoint you if you are looking for his experiences there. Though I understand he wrote quite a bit about Buddhism and the west.secondly it's disappointing that he didn't mention his relationship with Roberta Cowell but I suspect there was an agreement there.
It's still a fascinating read. Micheal Dillon was a pioneer in so many ways. I'm very glad his own story had finally come to be published. All trans people, especially trans men, like myself are grateful for the first trans men who put themselves under the knife..
June 30, 2025
Fascinating autobiography - it’s incredible that it exists and was published despite everything.
December 9, 2017
this is the most important historical LGBTQ discovery of the 21st century
December 14, 2017
Utterly engrossing, if a bit dry at times.
March 25, 2021
An incredibly important piece of trans history that I am very grateful has been published. Reading the story of not only one of the first trans men to undergo several milestones in medical transition, but also the first Westerner to become ordained as a gestul in the Tibetan Buddhist tradition, was certainly very insightful.
Dillon/Jivaka’s trans experiences appear “out of the ordinary” to himself, but reading this in the 21st century there are so many parallels between his experiences and the experiences of trans people living today, from early experiences of dysphoria to sensationalism by the media and discrimination from those around him when his trans status was revealed. Learning about those in the medical field who first helped trans people to begin medically transitioning was also incredibly interesting.
On a negative note, there is a strange chapter in the book where he speaks for a significant amount of time about a then popular pseudoscience called Radiesthesia, which was a very strange diversion, but then again the book does make several strange diversions, this was probably just the strangest!
On a more serious negative note, there is a warning in the introduction to the book of the imperialist and racist views present in the book, however the book is littered with several racist slurs of the time, which I don’t think is highlighted enough to give fair warning to the reader.
I was curious to learn from the Introduction that despite a bad ending to their relationship, Sangharakshita appears to have written about Jivaka in his memoirs, which I would be interested to read. It intrigues me that there seems to be very little, if anything, released by Sangharakshita / Triratna (the Buddhist Order founded by Sangharakshita later than this book was written) about Sangharakshita’s short-lived but significant acquaintance with Jivaka. However, sadly the truth of this will now have died with the both of them.
There are also several notable trans people and historical books mentioned in both the Introduction and Timeline at the end of the book that I would be interested in looking into.
Dillon/Jivaka’s trans experiences appear “out of the ordinary” to himself, but reading this in the 21st century there are so many parallels between his experiences and the experiences of trans people living today, from early experiences of dysphoria to sensationalism by the media and discrimination from those around him when his trans status was revealed. Learning about those in the medical field who first helped trans people to begin medically transitioning was also incredibly interesting.
On a negative note, there is a strange chapter in the book where he speaks for a significant amount of time about a then popular pseudoscience called Radiesthesia, which was a very strange diversion, but then again the book does make several strange diversions, this was probably just the strangest!
On a more serious negative note, there is a warning in the introduction to the book of the imperialist and racist views present in the book, however the book is littered with several racist slurs of the time, which I don’t think is highlighted enough to give fair warning to the reader.
I was curious to learn from the Introduction that despite a bad ending to their relationship, Sangharakshita appears to have written about Jivaka in his memoirs, which I would be interested to read. It intrigues me that there seems to be very little, if anything, released by Sangharakshita / Triratna (the Buddhist Order founded by Sangharakshita later than this book was written) about Sangharakshita’s short-lived but significant acquaintance with Jivaka. However, sadly the truth of this will now have died with the both of them.
There are also several notable trans people and historical books mentioned in both the Introduction and Timeline at the end of the book that I would be interested in looking into.
February 12, 2021
Michael Dillon was a British trans man who, as a minor member of the aristocracy, accessed early European sexology-based trans-affirming medical care.
Raised by nannies and aunts, Michael grew up reading penny dreadfuls and fantasising about traveling to the 'New World'. He knew he was not a girl from an early age, and earnestly pursued a way to live as he wished through a combination of determination, privilege, and incredible luck.
I was surprised to learn that the manuscript for Out of the Ordinary sat unpublished for over 50 years! Michael's brother wanted it destroyed, but it was finally published in 2017 thanks to the hard work of (trans and cis) historians.
Raised by nannies and aunts, Michael grew up reading penny dreadfuls and fantasising about traveling to the 'New World'. He knew he was not a girl from an early age, and earnestly pursued a way to live as he wished through a combination of determination, privilege, and incredible luck.
I was surprised to learn that the manuscript for Out of the Ordinary sat unpublished for over 50 years! Michael's brother wanted it destroyed, but it was finally published in 2017 thanks to the hard work of (trans and cis) historians.
July 5, 2024
proves that trans men can also be kind of boring middle aged guys.
I'm being facetious of course, but the writing is not particularly engaging even though the topic is. reminds me a lot of biographies I've read by other men from the same era which in itself is interesting. still, I'm grateful for the authors undeniable bravery
I'm being facetious of course, but the writing is not particularly engaging even though the topic is. reminds me a lot of biographies I've read by other men from the same era which in itself is interesting. still, I'm grateful for the authors undeniable bravery
April 21, 2021
This is the most interesting book I've read in a while. Phenomenal from an LGBT perspective, but also interesting from a spirituality aspect.
September 12, 2021
There is very little on his time in the monestaries, and it directs you to his other book for that.
July 14, 2022
Content warnings are listed at the end of my review!
Truly I didn’t want to have such a scathing review, I was excited to read this book, and I understood its in his own words but... genuinely this is a grand example of a lack of clear vision, or any revision for that matter. The editor’s note, introductions, and acknowledgments stand stronger than the book itself in my mind, which I feel is painfully telling. I find it to be a purpose nightmare, spending the vast majority of the time as a complete recount of every moment of his life down to every dragging detail. Focusing on the forgettable moments while skimming over some of the most fascinating aspects of his life, leaving a lot more to be desired from the reader, ignoring what the title promises almost completely. I often questioned if I would even stick through to complete the book at all, but here I am.
It was overall a sluggish read for a variety of reasons. The chronology was very poorly executed, with him referring to things that would happen in the future as if the reader would remember, or just simply saying things out of a sensible order. His sense of a goal with the writing was practically undetectable, he just mentions casually his “Search of Truth” from time to time, but it seems like he found no answer- allowing the introductions to really shine through as a crutch. If you like to read about family drama, every facet of boat-work and being a practicing doctor, this book is for you. If you came for a life of gender and spiritual transitions, you’re better off on his Wikipedia page, unfortunately.
It reads as a vent and explanation into his schools of thought, all through a jumbled conversation, which genuinely doesn’t need a books worth of dedication. His transition exists in the text, but gets a few dedicated pages and, well, that’s about it besides a few small nods back to it at times. His spirituality takes the back seat to his philosophy, only coming in at the last chapter so briefly, despite it being such a fascinating aspect of his life. He speaks a lot of his other writings Self: A Study in Ethics and Endocrinology and “Practicing the Dhammapada”, which might supplement the text, or stand strongly alone to provide better context to his life.
Summary:
Readability: ★★☆☆☆, This book felt like it was dragging on and focusing on mostly all the wrong parts, making it more and more difficult to read the further you get, unless you are a very stubborn reader.
Usefulness: ★☆☆☆☆, It hurts to give it such a low rating here, seeing as it had such potential as he was the first trans man to receive phalloplasty, and the first white European man to be ordinated in Tibetan Buddhist tradition. The book just treats these topics at footnotes to the rest of the details of his life.
Audience: Personally, I wouldn't recommend this unless you are deeply invested in the life of Michael Dillon, as this is all this book provided, random details of his life.
Content warning: transphobia, sexism, alcoholism, classism, racism, racial slurs, family abuse, death, war
Truly I didn’t want to have such a scathing review, I was excited to read this book, and I understood its in his own words but... genuinely this is a grand example of a lack of clear vision, or any revision for that matter. The editor’s note, introductions, and acknowledgments stand stronger than the book itself in my mind, which I feel is painfully telling. I find it to be a purpose nightmare, spending the vast majority of the time as a complete recount of every moment of his life down to every dragging detail. Focusing on the forgettable moments while skimming over some of the most fascinating aspects of his life, leaving a lot more to be desired from the reader, ignoring what the title promises almost completely. I often questioned if I would even stick through to complete the book at all, but here I am.
It was overall a sluggish read for a variety of reasons. The chronology was very poorly executed, with him referring to things that would happen in the future as if the reader would remember, or just simply saying things out of a sensible order. His sense of a goal with the writing was practically undetectable, he just mentions casually his “Search of Truth” from time to time, but it seems like he found no answer- allowing the introductions to really shine through as a crutch. If you like to read about family drama, every facet of boat-work and being a practicing doctor, this book is for you. If you came for a life of gender and spiritual transitions, you’re better off on his Wikipedia page, unfortunately.
It reads as a vent and explanation into his schools of thought, all through a jumbled conversation, which genuinely doesn’t need a books worth of dedication. His transition exists in the text, but gets a few dedicated pages and, well, that’s about it besides a few small nods back to it at times. His spirituality takes the back seat to his philosophy, only coming in at the last chapter so briefly, despite it being such a fascinating aspect of his life. He speaks a lot of his other writings Self: A Study in Ethics and Endocrinology and “Practicing the Dhammapada”, which might supplement the text, or stand strongly alone to provide better context to his life.
Summary:
Readability: ★★☆☆☆, This book felt like it was dragging on and focusing on mostly all the wrong parts, making it more and more difficult to read the further you get, unless you are a very stubborn reader.
Usefulness: ★☆☆☆☆, It hurts to give it such a low rating here, seeing as it had such potential as he was the first trans man to receive phalloplasty, and the first white European man to be ordinated in Tibetan Buddhist tradition. The book just treats these topics at footnotes to the rest of the details of his life.
Audience: Personally, I wouldn't recommend this unless you are deeply invested in the life of Michael Dillon, as this is all this book provided, random details of his life.
Content warning: transphobia, sexism, alcoholism, classism, racism, racial slurs, family abuse, death, war
January 5, 2019
I haven't read a story so meaningful to me personally for a very long time. I feel gutted he died only a couple weeks after sending the manuscript to be published. Read a library copy but will be buying this.
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