Sideshow

by Amy Stilgenbauer

Abby Amaro wants to sing at La Scala Opera House, but she’s a good girl, and in 1957 good girls get married. Still, when she receives her first marriage proposal, she freezes, knowing the way her suitor makes her feel bodes trouble. When he won’t take no for an answer, she flees, joining up with a traveling carnival.

Thanks to a burlesque trapeze artist and the world’s saddest clown, Abby bides her time and fits in until she can rejoin the world she knows. She doesn’t expect a sideshow strongwoman named Suprema, who captures her imagination. As the carnival makes its way across the Midwest, Abby learns much more than she had ever imagined—about herself, about her identity, and, most importantly, about love.

Genres: Historical Fiction, LGBT, Romance, Queer, Lesbian, Historical, Fiction

212 pages, Paperback

First published August 25, 2016

About the author

Amy Stilgenbauer is a writer and aspiring archivist currently based in southeast Michigan along with two of the best cats in the world.. She received her degree in writing from Mount Union College in 2007.

Reviews

[Corrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sideshow by Amy Stilgenbauer has been lingering in my to-read pile for quite some time but that was partly because I read a whole slew of her shorter stories first and I wanted to save (and savor) the bigger one for last. I’ve already read the short story (The Fire-Eater’s Daughter) this was based on. Read Shira Glassman’s (another wonderful author) marvelous detailed review because I can’t possibly express myself any better than that.

Needless to say I really enjoyed the whole 50ies carnival setting, the side-show characters and the sweetness between Abby and Suprema. The evil ex-boyfriend was a bit over-the-top. The romantic scenes are fade to black but that fits the time-setting. A wonderful read!

Themes: Italian heritage, carnies, side-show, nonna’s life lessons, family, once you are with us we have your back, freaks and outcasts.

4.5 stars

[Shira Glassman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Review originally written for The Lesbrary from an advanced review copy. If you’ve been craving midcentury f/f, if you want that old-timey vintage movie aesthetic– I mean the sweet, wholesome type rather than noir — Sideshow by Amy Stilgenbauer is a solid example, with fade-to-black scenes of intimacy that to me added to the period-appropriate feel (since m/f romance from that era wouldn’t have been graphic, either.) I wouldn’t so much call this lesbian romance as lesbian fiction, because Abby’s other relationships are just as important to the plot as her romance–her new friends at the carnival, her relationship with her blood family, etc. It’s a story about a girl finding her place in the world, which includes a girlfriend, rather than the story of a love affair

The prose moves swiftly and held my attention, and the worldbuilding was vividly period and evocatively cultural. Abby is an Italian-American with family from Sicily; other members of the carnival are Polish, Greek, or Jewish (Ruth, one of the book’s other lesbians, is the daughter of a Shoah survivor but you’d only know that from reading The Fire-Eater's Daughter, Sideshow’s short story prequel focusing on how Ruth met her partner Constance.) Against the colorful backdrop of a traveling carnival, the adventures of Abby and her friends and family show a juxtaposition of strength from hardworking immigrant determination and diversity with the way those same immigrants suffer under suspicion and paranoia about foreign ideologies (in this case, communism) or being mistaken for “foreign agents.” These are both still very timely themes, so despite feeling tangibly 1950’s, with that strong midcentury aesthetic I mentioned, it feels current and relevant in 2016. Meanwhile, Abby struggles with more personal, intimate concerns like will she ever find a way to make herself useful to the carnival, and how will she fit in with the rest of the carnival’s population?

I can’t tell if the author did this on purpose but the Tragic Queer Trope (an older gay man who shares Abby’s Italianness) in the story is literally a sad clown. I didn’t even realize this until I’d finished reading because his backstory–a partner who had died years ago–didn’t stick out as exceptional in a story with two happy and stable f/f couples, which should be a lesson to anyone wanting to know how to write someone tragic who is queer without having them be a Tragic Queer. But by making the tragic gay man a sad clown, i.e. this exaggerated parody of human suffering, she points out–probably unintentionally, but who cares, nobody’s grading these reviews–that when cis/het people are writing our stories sometimes they make us suffer in such exaggerated ways that we might as well be the Sad Clown figure, with frowns literally painted on by external forces. Speaking of queer politics, I loved the part where Abby defends her strong-woman love interest’s right to use her stage name instead of whatever she was born with; Abby says “if she wants me to call her something else she can tell me herself” and then the writer never actually tells us, or Abby, what that name was, which is a good lesson for everyone, not just weightlifters. Hint hint.

The one part where Stilgenbauer lost me was on the resolution of a villain’s arc. I’m a bit confused why someone would go through all that trouble and then give up, especially in the way she depicted. This person didn’t seem to be the type who would be capable of a change of heart, at least not for the reasons presented. But the book is about so much more than this one specific plot thread that for me it was easily overlooked.

Read this story if you’re big on found families that include a lot of queer people and people from immigrant background sticking together, or if you like stories where the Everygirl gets to be part of the Thing after worrying that she’s not good enough–this is the kind of environment where being lackluster is unacceptable, but that doesn’t mean you get thrown out on your ear, it means they will find your luster and bring it out of you, by hook or by crook.

[AnnMaree Of Oz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Let down by this one. The author focuses on an ex boyfriend for far too long, to create an air of tension surrounding why Abby feels the need to 'go on the run' via a circus wagon trail, but it falls short and doesn't make much sense.
(TLDR: Her ex boyfriend is a cheating abusive cliche who puts her down, while still pursuing her actively and trying to force a marriage on her, while swinging his weight around, being threatening and negging her.)

Plus it might be the mood I am in, but I felt sort of like why the heck won't anyone stand up to this piece of shite? Everyone in town can see he's trouble and that she is VERY uncomfortable with him. Her own brother is the one to suggest she get on the circus train to get away from him, after he is beaten by a third party, instigated by the ex. So the way she even gets into that position ends up being WTF worthy.

There's a strong woman in the circus, Suprema, that is supposed to be the love interest - yet she's barely even alluded to. We don't even really get much of a description of her. Other side characters and their stories take far more precedence over her. Like the many gossipy burlesque gals engaging in petty games of hazing, and being 'mean girls', like setting Abby up on a date with a depressed gay clown, and again all around being awful horrible humans. Even keeping important mail from Abby.

Abby herself came off spineless. I just couldn't find the joy or a point here. By the end we're supposed to believe she has 'found her place' with these people, but the author never truly shows this, at all. In Any way.
The same with the romance between Abby and Suprema - again the author never actually shows us any real connection or interaction, to give us reason enough for their supposed feelings. It was a HUGE let down.

The inner workings of the circus are also not even charmingly depicted here - so after reading I'm just like "What even WAS that? What was the point????" the premise was so promising, and could have been easily entertaining - so the fact that the author was able to suck the joy out of it and focus on things you didn't want to focus on, is almost impressive in itself!

Overall - Would not recommend spending the $'s on this, at all.

[Mel · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I saw this book was coming out (Isn’t that cover totally lovely?), I couldn’t contain my excitement. I’d never heard about the author but lesbian historical fiction/romance in a carnival setting sounded so very appealing to me and I’m really happy that it was.

The author drew me in right from the first page with her engaging writing style and I took an instant liking to Abby, the main character from whose point of view the story is told. She’s lovely and kind and while she’s young, a bit shy, and still needs to figure out what she wants to do with her life and how, she’s actually a very open character who engages with the people around her and is not afraid to take action and a new course in her life.

I think the main focus of the book is on Abby learning who she is; what she wants to do, who she wants to love, and with whom she wants to share her life with. It takes her a while – and I do think that this was pretty realistic – but she finally realises it’s with her new-found family at the carnival and with Suprema, a girl she falls in love with while she’s there.

The romance is sweet and tentative and charmingly awkward in the beginning. I really enjoyed this part of the book, which takes a little bit of a backseat, all considering, as it’s more about Abby growing up and finding her future.

Characters, time and place come alive, and I loved the short snippets from her past that are sometimes strewn in between the chapters. I think it is well done and not distracting at all, since the scenes always fit to what is happening in the now. A nice little touch is the narration in present tense for these short episodes because that way they feel more separate from the rest of the story and you don’t get lost.

What I didn’t like as much is the in your face and several times written down message of doing what makes us happy. It is just too in-your-face and also, in a way, the same old same old. I think that the book is actually lacking a little bit of depth, or maybe too straight-forward. But everything that builds up the book – the characters, the setting of the carnival, Abby’s character development – is done very well and tapped the full potential.

I enjoyed Sideshow a lot and recommend it. I wish there were more stories like this and I personally really love carnivals :D

__________________________
Genre: historical fiction, romance
Tags: lesbian, carnival, finding your home
Rating: 4 stars
Blog: Review for Just Love Romance
Disclosure: ARC for Review

[CR Daylex · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love circuses! This was creative and sweet. I might have preferred the romance a little steamier, but the quality of the writing made up for it.

[L.J. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked this, I didn't love it.

The world building was lovely, and the concept was wonderful. But I think the story would have been better served if it had been longer, the ending felt too rushed and easily handled while the romance was only briefly touched on. I don't feel like we ever truly got to know Suprema or form a real attachment to her.

Like I said, the prose of the book was beautiful, and I didn't dislike the book, it's definitely a fast read for anyone who loves the magic of a carnival.

[Kelly · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 Stars Overall

[Alysia Constantine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abby Amaro does what everyone threatens to do at some point in life: she runs away with the circus. But unlike most of us (okay, well, at least unlike me), she doesn’t have many other options. She’s stuck with Frank, an emotionally-abusive and violent jerk who proposes marriage and doesn’t take it very well when she refuses. She’s a woman, an opera singer, in the 1950s. So she must leave her family behind, and her brother helps her abscond with a travelling circus.
She falls in with the sideshow carnies, and eventually meets the strong woman Suprema, and the two strike up a tentative, quiet romance. There are, of course, hurdles: she can’t quite connect up with her family from the road until it’s too late, she’s stuck rooming with a hostile burlesque performer, and even Frank rears his ugly head at one point. Troubles notwithstanding, Abby finds her sea legs (her trailer legs, anyway) and finds new connections and a new home.

On some level, this is about being Good by the standards of the moment. Good isn’t the same as good-to-yourself: Good for women at the time is forgetting your career, marrying the appropriate person and washing his socks without complaint for the rest of your life. Abby isn’t, apparently, such a good girl. I mean, she’s good, she’s just not Marry-a-Man-Even-though-He-Cheats-and-Have-No-Life-of-Your-Own-Because-Men-Are-Hard-to-Get-and-More-Valuable-than-You Good.

The characters here are well drawn—sympathetic or hateful (or sometimes a combination of both) without being too simple. The situation is the same—the novel takes the old “running away with the circus” trope and gives it real life. There’s lots to like here—not the least of which is a compelling situation and engaging plot.

This is a seamless story: believable, well-paced and involving. It’s about Abby finding a way to be happy, to do what she loves, even if it’s singing from the bally box instead of La Scala, or falling in love with a muscled woman instead of a philandering man. It’s about being strong and creative enough to do that.

[A.M. Leibowitz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had me at 1950s, Italian family, opera, and the Midwest. I had high hopes when I began reading, and not only did the story meet my expectations, it exceeded them. What a well-written, sweet, poignant story.

Everything about this is pitch-perfect, from the small details of the setting to the depth of the characters. Abby had me in her corner right from the start. Although the picture of her life is hardly idyllic, she's not one to be pitied, either. There's always the sense that she has more than one path to the happiness her Nonna desires for her. But her circumstances propel her toward the traveling carnival, and that's where the real fun begins.

This is not really a romance as much as it is a story about family, friendship, and self-discovery. Yes, there's a love connection between Abby and one of the performers. However, it isn't the sole focus of the novel. There is just as much time devoted to the other relationships Abby develops with the people in the carnival.

With regard to the romance, all of the intimacy is off-page/fade-to-black. While I wouldn't have necessarily objected to more detail, I think it works better without. We do, however, begin to see the subtle changes in Abby as the relationship progresses, which in this case I think is preferable.

There are too many wonderful characters to name them all and say what I liked about them. Each one enriches the story, and without them it wouldn't be complete. They are part of the world Abby is swept up in. Because it isn't a physical place, we need to see it by way of the human element. Abby's observations and interactions with the other performers give us a window into their world. By the end of the story, I had grown to love them all the way Abby obviously does.

I did find the resolution to Abby's arc with her ex, Frank, to be a bit abrupt. However, I think that the final confrontation between them and how it plays out are not accidental. Virtually nothing in the story is simply thrown in, and I think it's written that way for a reason. I don't want to give spoilers, but I do think it's important for readers to see it as almost a metaphor for Abby's internal changes. It's not a cop-out or a lack of sufficient action.

This is a wonderful piece of literature, providing an intimate glimpse into a bygone era and multiple cultural experiences. I thoroughly enjoyed taking Abby's journey with her.

For perfect attention to detail, characters who are easy to love, and sweet nostalgia, this gets 5 stars.

**I received a free copy in exchange for an honest review**

[Meh · Rating 4 out of 5]

The world-build of this novel is fantastic. I was immediately entranced by the eccentric and magical carnival setting. And the time period - mid '50 also adds a lot of character to the story itself.

But as with most novels that revolves around the carnival/circus theme, the real stars here are the characters. Abby as a main character does a terrific job of portraying the enchantment and surprise of someone who has never been part of this world. Her naive and pretty much nonjudgmental narration of the story that happens in this somewhat otherworldly environment is profoundly endearing.

Della, Suprema, Constance, Ruth, Phebe and Vinnie are great supporting characters. They are pretty much this lovable band of misfits who makes the carnival they are a part of a small world of their own.

My biggest gripe with this novel was Frank. He's technically the 'villain' of the story. Just not really. He is more of a villain in the sense that Wile E. Coyote is the villain in a Looney Tunes cartoon. He seems to be there to serve a purpose of a catalyst for the main protagonist journey, but he is never actually dangerous or vile. He is just a bit cantankerous and rambunctious and that, in my opinion, works better to portray the satire of a villain than an actual villain. And if that was the intention, that's cool, however, for me at least, there was quite a bit of dissonance between the mockery use of a 'villain' here and the delicate, almost ethereal nature of the story he is actually part of.

Also, while I really did enjoy the story and characters I thought the book was just really, really short. So even though there was quite a bit of depth to Abby's character, all the amazing supporting characters ended up a bit short-changed in terms of development. There was room for a lot more. I actually wanted to see a lot more. So it's a pity that there wasn't.

However, since I don't wan't to act like a greedy child in a candy story complaining that even though I got the caramel bar, a candy cane, a truffle bar, a peanut butter cup, a twizzler and a bunch of gumdrops I did not get a lollipop! - I'll say it was an excellent read. Had potential to be even better, but it's definitely something I will recommend for fans of the genre (carnival/circus genre, f/f genre, cute genre, etc.)

So I'll give it a 4 stars.

(And an 11 stars for that cover. Just look at that, will you? I really, really loved it. And it definitely captured the spirit of the book as well.)

[Kari Sommers · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was one of the first romance books I read and a great introduction to lesbian romance for a straight woman who was (at the time) wary of romance books in general. The story is sweet slow burn, and the characters are relatable and lovably flawed, but the setting and feel of the era it's set in are the parts of it that have stuck with me in the years since I read it (I know I started a review here but obviously never finished it). Unlike some historical fiction, the reader's immersion into the time period here is complete; it's clear that the archivist author did thorough research. Highly recommended to anyone who enjoys historical fiction or slow burn romance.

[SophiAnn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very short and sweet book about a woman trying to find herself and ends up falling in love along the way with someone she ever expected- another woman.

[Danna Shaffer · Rating 2 out of 5]

There just wasn’t enough of a build up for the main romance. I felt more for the side characters romances than the main one. Also it just didn’t seem completely realistic for the time, not the romance but maybe the feelings about it or leading up to it. Back then it was very taboo and in some states it was even illegal. So there should’ve been more inner conflict for her to overcome. It just felt really off and super nonchalant in that area. It’s unfortunate because I enjoyed the story, but it was just flat in some of the most important parts.

[Rebecca · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dammit, Jimmy.

[Molly Lolly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Original review on Molly Lolly
Four and a half stars!
This story was wonderful. I adored getting to see a side of the 1950s that’s different than we typically get to see in fiction. The small town Midwest and traveling carnival side of life is amazingly well written and brings you into that time period as if you’re living it with Abby and her family and friends. They deal with problems that today might be trivial but were huge obstacles for them to overcome 60 years ago.
I loved how real Abby felt. She had her issues and idiosyncrasies that made her come alive on the page. She made my heart hurt with her past and dealing with discovering who she is and what will make her happy. The journey she goes on to finding love, happiness and the meaning of family is wonderful. Those “aha” moments were fabulous to see as she figured things out. Her love with Suprema is so sweet. They are so happy together but still a bit hesitant of how to navigate a relationship with their own individual hurts in the past. Those emotions leapt off the page.
I really enjoyed Suprema. Her story is a little slower to unveil but you can tell from the beginning her past is painful. Even if we don’t get to see any of the story from Suprema’s point of view, we still get to see her grow and blossom and it is amazing to see. She connects with those around her and shows emotions just a bit more. She is exactly what Abby needed and the support Abby didn’t know she was looking for.
I thought the tension around Frank was well written. How he worked hard to keep Abby under his thumb. Her fear due to him was palpable throughout the story. However, the way all of that wrapped up was a little too easy. Frank didn’t react how I expected him to in the final scene. Especially based on everything he did up to that point to get to Abby. Frank’s actions just didn’t seem plausible right at the very end. Though, I’m not quite sure how else that storyline could have ended.
I really enjoyed the cast of characters around Abby and Suprema. They were fascinating and I loved seeing how they helped both Abby and Suprema grow and fall in love. I want to go back and read Ruth and Constance’s story. Plus I enjoyed seeing two other characters get their own happy ending of sorts. Abby and Suprema together are wonderful. You can tell they’re going to work hard to keep their relationship going and be happy together.

[Casey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was super cute and I loved it! My only real issue is the way the conflict with Frank is resolved in the end? But in any case freaking cute! Read this book!

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is ~adorable~ and there is this sweet, soft, and gentle feel to the story. Wish it would have been longer tho :')

[Waffle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I may have preferred more development of the romance, but this was a very sweet and fun story about a girl discovering who she is and where she belongs.