The Defiant Child: A Parent's Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder

by Douglas A. Riley

A much-needed tool that parents of children with O.D.D. can use to identify the source of this turmoil and take back parental control. Dr. Douglas Riley teaches parents how to recognize the signs, understand the attitudes, and modify the behavior of their oppositional child.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Reference, Mental Health, Psychology, Unfinished

208 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1997

Reviews

[Melissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

A
Maz
ING
This book really did change my life (and the life of my daughter). Before I read this book I thought that my daughter and I would never really get along. I feared for her safety almost all the time. I worried she would say the wrong thing to the wrong person and they would hurt her. I didn't have any idea what ODD was before I read this. However, when I read this book all I could think was "This is my daughter!" I have used many of the techniques spelled out in this book to astonishing effect. It also helped me to better understand how the world appears from her presective and gave me insight into her behavior and motivation. It was also very validating and reassuring. It helped me to see I wasn't a failure at parenting, but that traditional parenting skills (the kind I was taught) don't work with ODD kids. Often those traditional skills made behavior WORSE. This is a great book and I would happily buy it for any parent struggling with a defiant child.

[Addison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an excellent, concise book on the aspects of parenting a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). The descriptions of what ODD looks like in children were spot on and even revealed much that my wife and I had not taken notice of previously. The tactics presented are practical and well-developed. The book also addresses all age ranges, so it's not specific to only one group of children.

Highly recommended for parents of children with ODD, or for parents wondering if their child has ODD and what can possibly be done about it.

[Sonia · Rating 1 out of 5]

This guy is a self-important blowhard, and the book is quite dated too. I am not an expert on the subject but have read more than my fair share of parenting books. This one is insufferable.

[Banu Efe · Rating 1 out of 5]

What this book recommends is an out-of-date, autoritarian attitude towards ODD kids.
Even includes a passage about “how to make their lives miserable”.
Skip it.

[Rebecca Grace · Rating 3 out of 5]

Lots of practical tactics for parents with very challenging children, suggestions grouped by age of the child. Riley also does a great job of explaining what's going on in the OD child's mind that makes mainstream discipline so ineffective with this population: I must defeat the adults, I am smarter than the adults, adults must treat me fairly even if I do not treat others fairly, and a displaced optimism that makes them believe they actually CAN ultimately defeat the adults in their lives and do as they please.

I'll try to remember to update this review once I've had a chance to see how well this program works for us.

[April Lyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best book I’ve read so far on the topic of parenting kids with ODD, ADHD, and emotional disorders (all of which my ten year old foster son has). There were a lot of bits of advice and methods that were tiered, so you can choose your action based on the degree that your child displays the negative behavior. The only thing that I would have liked to see is stats on how often these diagnoses come up with kids who’ve experienced trauma, and how that (experiencing trauma - like in the case of a foster child) should affect the actions you take, as a parent or caregiver.

[Gwendolyn B. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'd suggest approaching this book with an open mind because some of the ideas, such as stripping bare an oppositional teenager's bedroom, may sound shocking. But ODD children and teens are used to shocking others themselves and require some unique parenting approaches. Fortunately, this is at the extreme end, and oppositional behavior can be nipped in the bud with gentler interventions, especially during the younger years.

[Matt Gwynn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm glad I read this book. I feel a little more prepared to eventually become a parent - and feel like I have become a better uncle and martial arts instructor as well.

[Tawni · Rating 3 out of 5]

Had interesting points and ideas but felt it was more geared to teenagers. Will keep and reread when I get there with my defiant child.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

I skimmed a lot of this book, but really appreciated his approach to parental control and logical consequences. He had some fresh new ideas that I will put in my tool box!!

[Sara Denson · Rating 5 out of 5]

AMAZING. I don’t usually like self-help types of books but I was highlighting every page. I have taken so much of this away with me and I have been recommending it to everyone.

“The healthiest type of structure is a flexible one. Healthy structure closes in quickly around a child when she is doing poorly, the psychological equivalent of the calvary riding in to the rescue. But it expands when she is doing well and guarantees that she will have ample room to roam.

The parents who provide such loosely structured environments are often prone to say such things as “I just can’t control him,” in reference to their fifteen-year-olds. The level of control a parent is willing to exact is precisely what is different between a healthy, flexibly structured child-rearing environment and one with no structure at all.

Parents who establish a healthy structure around their children always assume they are in charge and are willing to defend the authority that accompanies their parental role in ways that are vigorous and rational. One of the marks of healthy structure is that the role of parent is not up for grabs.”

[Chelsea · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is full of useful, innovative ideas for dealing with defiant children. It addresses the really tough cases, and gives solid answers for what to do beyond the usual pc answers that don't work on any but the calmest, best-behaved children in the first place. My only criticism of the book is that I wish it addressed young children more. There is some advice for what to do with preschool age children, but much of the book is focused on tweens and teens.

[Justin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Many of the techniques described were ones we thankfully already had employed (they do work) and so it was reassuring to receive the affirmation that we weren't doing everything wrong -- despite so many others' opinions. What I gained most from this book was in the perspective that it offered -- the way in which it brought me inside my son's mind and explored the motivations and fears underlying his behavior. It has helped me help him from a much more understanding place.

[Lacey Caselman · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was worth reading but is very out of date. It tends toward ounatibe methods no longer considered effective. There is a real probability of escalating and creating never ending power struggles with these methods. Some of it is helpful and it's also very helpful on deciding where your child fits on the ODD spectrum.

[Brenna · Rating 2 out of 5]

this gives a few behavioral tactics for dealing with ODD children - but when it comes down to it, you need a team of people handling the child in the same way and some real environmental changes, so the book gives good advice, but hard to follow in real, day to day life

[Aaron Fullmer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is truly an excellent resource for not just parents with "out-of-control" kids, but for parents who have a child that is less that perfect :) It's a perfect balance between why defiant children act defiant and what to do with your defiant child.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a useful book with lots of practical suggestions on how to deal with a defiant child and has a lot of ideas in particular for those on the extreme ODD end of oppositional behavior. I will probably recommend this to some of my clients.

[B Zimp · Rating 2 out of 5]

A few good tidbits, but a lot of judgmental view points from a medical provider who doesn't show compassion. An older title that recommends stricter discipline and demands limits, when newer research states that makes defiance worse.

[Nick Armstrong · Rating 1 out of 5]

Always looking for good parenting resources to learn new skills; this is not one of them. This is lessons in how to become a tyrant with a few actual pieces of good advice A much more kind, mindful guide can be found in The Explosive Child by Dr. Ross W. Greene.

[Cherish Kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I did enjoy The Defiant Child and found it to be a useful resource for managing challenging behavior in teenagers. While some of the examples and strategies felt outdated or extreme, the book offers practical advice for setting boundaries and addressing defiance. The techniques presented can be valuable for establishing and enforcing rules effectively, especially in particularly difficult situations.

The book provides actionable ideas for navigating conflicts and improving communication with your teen. Despite some dated content, the core principles remain relevant and practical for parents seeking solutions to manage teenage behavior.

Overall, I would recommend this book for anyone looking for practical strategies to handle defiance and improve their relationship with their teenager.

[Stephanie Greene · Rating 1 out of 5]

There may be more to this book than I can give it credit for because I couldn’t bring myself to read it all after a while. The advice I witnessed in this book is backwards and dated. Where there should be connection, this guy suggests misery. Where there should be patience and restated boundaries, this guy insists on force. The only redeeming thing he recommends is that Oppositional Defiant Disorder be reframed as an Oppositional Defiant Spectrum, thus diminishing the stigma for these children. Overall, I’m going to take my questions elsewhere, because this book didn’t cut it.

[Sara Shelley · Rating 5 out of 5]

My child was diagnosed with ODD about 6 months ago. He has ADHD and anxiety but started to become extremely defiant. I was hesitant on accepting yet another diagnosis for my sweet and generally loving boy. ODD sounds so bad. And it feels like a slap in the parent’s face. This book helped me tremendously! It gave information. It gave examples of it gave solutions. He actually tells you what you need to do… and I love have he addressed all ages separately and also added the other disorders. This book was extremely helpful. I am sure I’ll be reading it several more times!

[Elisha Lawrence]

I think the most helpful thing about this book is hearing about the importance of clear boundaries. Children need it even when they don't want it. I don't think my children have this disorder, but I wanted to read it to better understand how to handle defiance. I'm consistently trying to understand how to be a non-anxious presence in the face of chaos. Sometimes parenting is chaos and my kids can struggle. It doesn't help when I get angry or frustrated with them. They need me to remain calm and provide the structure that can help them thrive.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good Insight into ODD

This book offers great insight into the minds of children with ODD. Riley offers several suggestions for parents of these children. I found that many of the suggestions are just good parenting, such as getting to know your child’s friends and letting your child know that you are in charge. But overall, it was helpful book for parents of children with oppositional defiant disorder.

[Justina Gemignani · Rating 2 out of 5]

Really wasn’t a fan of this book. To be fair, I don’t have a child with this disorder, but was hoping to borrow some tips since ODD is a spectrum. But, I thought some of the discipline ideas were outdated and felt some were abusive. I am left with an icky feeling after reading it. I did get a few good tips like remembering the parent is in charge and not getting triggered by bad behavior and then arguing, because that makes it worse. But I knew that already before reading the book.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great source

I found this to be a great source of information. Ideas to help change behavior at home as well as a reinforcement that parents windfall with ODD kids are not his nuts. It is a full time job to try and think one step ahead. This is a great tool and a fairly easy read Great ideas.

[Ty Bailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredibly clear and helpful guide for parents of children struggling with ODD. It gave a lot of insight into the functioning of the condition, how to manage it, and what to expect out of a child's therapy sessions. I definitely recommend this title for anyone currently wanting to know more about the disorder and in need of some help.

[Cyrena Leniger · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some really to the point behavioral modification advice that can be helpful, but overall it felt like the goal is to try to control my kid only, not help him grown or help me understand. This disorder is a lot more complicated than a kid just being an a**hole. I found this helpful for immediate behavior changes but not nearly as effective and a solid therapist.

[Libbie George · Rating 4 out of 5]

The great thing about this book is how he gives actual punishments for ODD kids. My 5 year old is ODD and these tips in this book have really revamped my parenting. The author talks about little kids up to teens. He believes in tough love, but starting small and working your way to more harsh punishments. I will definitely be referring back to this book.

[Casey Willis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book is useful for a wider audience than only children officially diagnosed with ODD. As the book explains, some kids with ADHD can operate on a spectrum of oppositional behaviors, and teenagers in general can often be oppositional! The author explains some techniques to follow when you think you don’t have effective discipline options.