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Undoing Perpetual Stress: The Missing Connection Between Depression, Anxiety and 21stCentury Illness

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A noted psychotherapist and author of Undoing Depression looks at the potentially damaging long-term effects of stress on our emotional and physical well-being, explaining how readers can regain control over their lives and the world around them, cope constructively with stressors, and make health and happiness an everyday priority.

544 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2005

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309 people want to read

About the author

Richard O'Connor

24 books56 followers
Richard O'Connor, PhD, is the author of Undoing Depression, Undoing Perpetual Stress, and Happy at Last. For fourteen years he was executive director of the Northwest Center for Family Service and Mental Health, a nonprofit mental health clinic, where he oversaw the work of twenty mental health professionals in treating almost a thousand patients per year. He is a practicing psychotherapist with offices in Connecticut and New York, and lives in Lakeville, Connecticut.

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Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
Profile Image for Lori.
294 reviews78 followers
November 3, 2010
When you finally lie down tonight after your long day, which, if you are typical, probably involves a work day that extends into a hassle of a commute and then more emails from work followed by various gathering of kids or running of errands and a quick low nutrition meal followed by more stress until a too late bedtime...ask yourself if this is the way you really want to spend the rest of your life. Ask yourself if you think this is healthy. Are you happy? Is anyone you know feeling content or good about themselves lately? How many of us are taking anti-depressants? How many of us would love to have someone to talk to, but don't have enough insurance for therapy? How many believe that this is all their fault? That they are just weak or not smart enough or have some sort of fatal social flaw?

Would it make you feel just a little better to learn that there is ample evidence in biological and behavioral science to show that it is NOT you and your supposed deficits...what's more, you can change the way you think and react to our ulcer inducing world if you work at it. And, fascinatingly, as you learn to think about life in a different way, you physically alter the structure of your brain! The mind and the body are connected. The Eastern World has been aware of this symbiosis for centuries. The West is catching up.

Human beings are living a vastly different life from the one we were physically designed to live: "Our nervous systems have not changed much for 160,000 years, since the first modern human appeared. We're not wired for the kinds of stress we face today. There is an essential conflict between what our bodies and brains were naturally designed for and what life makes us put up with now--the breakdown of the family and community, the lack of meaningful work, of contact with nature, of natural sleep, physical intimacy, exercise; the intrusion of ambiguous dangers like traffic jams, cell phones, mortgages, commercials, HMOs. We can't run fast to escape these problems, or call on friends and pick up big sticks to beat them to death--but that's what our bodies were designed for. Under chronic stress, our neurotransmitters, hormones, and other 'information substances'--basic constituents of our animal selves--go haywire, affecting our immune, nervous, and endocrine systems and causing emotional distress and physical illness...We develop that Perpetual Stress Response."

Richard O'Connor, a practicing psychotherapist (who has fought his own battle with depression) advocates a method of learning to look at life in a different way. He emphasizes the need to develop mindfulness in our approach to life. He argues that the most immediate effect of the Perpetual Stress Response (constant state of 'fight or flight')is that it puts us in a mindless state. "reacting without thought; always in a rush; always in a state of tension that action can't alleviate, irritable, preoccupied, anxious, depressed. Not being fully aware of the present, always preoccupied by the next thing on our list...Mindlessness is a vicious circle, because acting mindlessly never can resolve the distress that fuels it."

Conversely, O'Connor describes Mindfulness as: "becoming more alert, thoughtful, deliberate; not reacting automatically to emotions; more curious, more ready to look beneath the surface, more ready to withhold judgment; kinder, more patient, more tolerant. These are difficult qualities to achieve when we're always running around putting out fires; but if we can't achieve them that is our destiny, one fire after another."

My interest in Buddhist tenets of mindfulness really made me appreciate what O'Connor had to say about how to deal with a macro-society that seems to be conspiring to make my life miserable. Our emphasis on material gain and competition is a non-stop stressor. Part of this problem is self-inflicted. We honestly do not 'need' a third of the crap we are lead to believe we 'must have' to live a 'successful life'. However, the other side of the materialist coin is thrust upon us. Everything in our society...from the quality of food we eat, to the safety of our home, to the education our children receive to our ability to see a doctor when we are ill (or just take the day off and rest) hinges on our ability to earn money. This produces a huge toll on our ethics and on our bodies and emotions.

O'Connor writes: "There is good reason to believe that mindfulness came more naturally to our ancestors. They had much more time than we do for the right brain, the contemplative, creative side, to be active. There were many times when they just had to be patient, waiting for the fish to bite, the rain to stop, the wound to heal. There were long nights together with stories and magic. They felt a part of the natural world, a kinship with the animals who lived around them. I don't believe it's an accident that Buddha came along at a historical time when the pursuit of material wealth had first become possible. He came to remind people of the old ways. We are in far more difficult times now; the push toward materialism, the emphasis on the left brain, is much stronger and we need courage and discipline to look around and consider old ways again."

This clarion call to live life in a new (old) way and to have the strength to buck the conventional system is what makes me LOVE Richard O'Connor's work. (I have also read and reviewed Happy At Last: The Thinking Person's Guide to Finding Joy.) I generally try to take the approach to life where I attempt a slightly less travelled road. People often tell me: "oh, you can't do that." or "you have to do this". If I had listened to 'people' more often, I would have been sucked into a lifestyle I cannot afford, work I detest and a neighborhood where I would have felt isolated and detached, like a cog in a wheel.

The moment I learned to follow the crowd less and explore options to find my own path in life -- somewhere in my late teens--I started learning to be a happier person. And, the big secret is, this does not come naturally for most people. We are herd-like creatures. We like to fit in and we like to be weighed in the balance and not come up wanting (in the status sense). It is DIFFICULT to shrug things off and shift priorities and figure out who 'yourself' is so that you can BE 'yourself'. But it is so worth it!

I believe O'Connor conveys this more effectively than I can when he writes the following about the 'stories' we tell ourselves to try to make sense of the world: "Our stories tend to become dominated by fears and coping mechanisms. The stories become rigid, inflexible, applicable to the past but not the present. Too often, the stories themselves determine our future. Stories that tell us we're helpless, that no one will ever love us, that the world is too dangerous, that our bodies are against us, are very common and always tragic. But we can find compelling support for those beliefs in contemporary culture--we can blame our genetic endowment, brain chemistry, dysfunctional family systems, or too much stress for the fact that we're miserable. The Perpetual Stress Response floods us with anxiety and undermines our confidence in our ability to live authentically; we live with anxiety and pain and distract ourselves with stories about materialism and status.

All of our stories nowadays also have to deal with the emptiness of our culture--which we keep being told is the best of all possible worlds--and the accompanying perpetual stress. We feel wretched, and our culture doesn't give us an explanation. It's only human then to look for a simple explanation, someone to blame--often ourselves, sometimes our parents, sometimes an enemy who keeps showing up in our lives as different individuals who all treat us in the same cruel way. What if it's none of these, but the way we live our lives? If that's the case, we have to abandon our favorite stories--no mean feat, because we've built our lives around these beliefs. Joseph Campbell writes, 'the land of people doing what they think they ought to do or have to do is the wasteland.' We're living in that wasteland, and it makes us depressed and fearful and it tears up our bodies. If we want to escape we have to be courageous, we have to be ready for adventure."

If you are someone who battles depression and desires a treatment plan that combines therapy, medication and positive actions that you can take yourself to improve your outlook, I urge you to give Richard O'Connor's work a try. If, like me, you are not struggling with depression, but are hoping to find better balance in your life and to achieve more calm and less anxiety, I would also highly recommend this book and then Happy At Last.

This title is NOT a fast read. I have been reading it for a month now and I still have the last chapter to finish. The author goes into quite a bit of detail about the structure of the brain and how the nervous system ties in with other systems in the body. For a layman with a very tenuous grip on science, like myself, this book cannot be skimmed. I ended up marking several sections and re-reading several areas that had me overwhelmed on the first try. It is, however, very worthwhile to work one's way through this information. Perhaps the most revolutionary information revealed here is the way that you can actively change your brain, just by the way you train yourself to change the way you react and respond to situations and the way that you interpret life.

In a nutshell, think about challenging your assumptions about the world. Try to keep your stress under control. Keep an open mind. Take care of your body. Take time to eat well and get some exercise. Remember that, sometimes, it is ok to do something (non harmful) just because you want to. Find 5 minutes a day to play. Get an outside interest. Make a new friend. Look outside the cubicle or treadmill for a moment and decide whether or not you want to actively participate in your own life. You will probably feel better if you choose to.








Profile Image for James.
9 reviews4 followers
January 28, 2018
In “Undoing Perpetual Stress,” O’Connor convincingly links anxiety, depression, and what he refers to as “21st Century Illness” with the seemingly unending stresses of our modern world. This is an essential read for anyone that is feeling anxious, depressed, vaguely unhealthy, or simply stressed out.

In the first half of the book O’Connor outlines the underlying problem: modern life puts us in a constant state of stress. He argues that the change in civilization over the last 100 years has been unprecedented, and our bodies and minds have not had proper time to adapt. In other words, “our brains weren’t built for this.” Being stressed out has become so normal in our society that we don’t even realize how often we are in “fight-or-flight” mode. When this occurs, our nervous and endocrine systems flood the body with cortisol and other stress hormones, our digestive system shuts down, and immune cells are sent into storage. While this physical response to stress might have been useful when our ancestors needed to escape from imminent physical danger, O’Connor argues that it is misfiring in today’s world of long work-hours, constant distraction, and ever-changing technology. Even worse than the acute effects, however, are the long-term effects of the stress. While not a scientist himself, O’Connor highlights the academic research on neuroplasticity - the powerful concept that “our experience of life changes our brain structure.” Remarkably, there is extensive research showing that perpetual stress leads to real, measurable changes in the physical brain. In these circumstances our hippocampus actually shrinks, while the amygdala (sometimes referred to as the “fear-center” in the brain) sprouts new branches and takes over. This is the root cause of many conditions in O’Connor’s view, ranging from anxiety to depression to “21st Century Illness,” a term he uses to refer to nonspecific illnesses such as Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and Fibromyalgia, among others.

This all appears terribly frightening, of course, especially to those that are already suffering from anxiety and depression. Thankfully, the second half of the book offers a source of hope. The solution, in O’Connor’s view, is again grounded in the concept of neuroplasticity. If the experience of chronic stress negatively impacts the brain, then positive experiences can work to repair it. This is an extremely powerful concept – one that I think could be used by therapists and psychiatrists across the world. Scientifically-inclined patients suffering from these ailments may find this framework helpful and a source of hope when they are feeling their worst. More specifically, the positive experiences O’Connor outlines are mostly related in some way to the idea of “mindfulness.” He advocates patients set aside at least an hour a day – 30 minutes for mindfulness meditation and 30 minutes for exercise. He advocates methods for being in better in touch with our bodies and learning to use both sides of our brain. He also frankly states that patients may need to change their external environments in order to reduce stress and lead more sustainable lives. Lastly, he highlights the importance of practice. These changes will not be easy at first, but each time new ways of thinking are used, new connections are made in the brain making it easier in the future. That is true hope for patients that are suffering.

My one compliant about this book is O’Connor’s occasional forays into irrelevant subject matter on which he is not an expert. In his chapter on the stresses modern society, for instance, he veers into amateurish rants on the stock market, advertising, and religion, including this gem of a statement: “As if wearing a shirt with a designer’s name means you belong to something, a club of people with good taste. In fact it does the opposite, advertising to the world your insecurity and gullibility.” Seriously? I’m sure O’Connor’s patients that wear designer clothes would love to read that. Overall, though, this was a very insightful read and I would recommend it that is feeling stressed out.
Profile Image for Wendy  Grover Rebmann.
63 reviews
August 7, 2022
Very interesting book that connects the dots across a variety of modalities: mindfulness; trauma and societal analysis to provide practical tools to relieve stress.

It builds on pioneering work from Judith Herman and Pete Walker on Trauma Recovery/Complex PTSD but adds a broader and more prescriptive lens to the issue.

The author has a shorter, newer book on rewiring the brain to change habits that may be more digestible that I have been simultaneously reading. His earliest work, which I haven’t read is on Undoing Depression. The author is a PhD practicing psychotherapist.
Profile Image for Colette.
1,028 reviews
backburner
October 17, 2017
I tore through the first five chapters in a couple days, and used tons of book darts (love them!); however, I got busy and needed to read other stuff (you know, ILLs and holds from the library) and never got back to this. Of course, chapter six is also when the reader has to start doing work journaling and not just being a passive reader, so that may have played a role, too. I do plan on picking this up again. I'm just putting it on the back burner for now.
Started July 20, 2017.
752 reviews
October 21, 2021
This is not a light read, but there are many nuggets of information buried in this dense book. Although the author tried to incorporate a clinical and anecdotal approach to satisfy a professional AND lay audience, I think I would have been better served by a more condensed, lay-friendly book.
4 reviews
April 18, 2019
Amazing well-documented work about the integrated works if the brain, stress and mindfulness. This book was a life saver ,I believe in everything he says
200 reviews4 followers
May 19, 2022
Excellent coverage of many topics with good exercises.
Profile Image for Cara.
Author 21 books101 followers
Want to read
February 17, 2015
I really want to know what this book says but I got stuck in chapter 6. Left off p. 244.

The beginning is about what's wrong--why such a large percentage of people seem to be unhappy, depressed, or screwed up in some way. It was nothing I hadn't thought of, but it was kind of reassuring to see it all there in black and white. No, it's not my imagination or that I'm too sensitive. Modern life is just messed up and damaging.

The main recommendation I've seen so far for how to fix it is mindfulness.

Notes:
p. 127
"In Undoing Depression I discussed a simple method for how people with depression could get under the surface of their minds and become aware of how emotional reactions, which were repressed, surfaced later as brief depressive moods." It's the mood journal. When you notice that your mood has shifted, note the date and time, the change (ex. happy to sad), the external circumstances, and the internal circumstances (what you were thinking about, etc.)

p. 175
Many patients report that antidepressants help them detach from their worries and resentments.

p. 180
Exercise 6: My Biography
Write your name at the top of each page, and "age 5," "age 10," etc. up to your present age. For each age, write about:
- What were you like? What did you like to do? Who was most important in your life at that time, and how did they make you feel? How were you different from other x-year-olds?
- What was the trouble? (What made you unhappy, worried, feel bad about yourself, etc.?)
- What would you tell your past self now that would help?
- What were your biggest fears?

Once you've done that, look back over the development of your fears and think about the connection to what you're afraid of now.

p. 182
Depression assumes that "If you can't make it in this perfectly wonderful world, obviously you're defective somehow."… "I want to give you a new message: don't assume it's your fault… If you're unhappy it may be much more effective to change the world rather than yourself." (emphasis the author's)
Profile Image for Skylar Burris.
Author 20 books279 followers
unfinished
March 13, 2015
An editor needed to take a serious hacksaw to this book. This guy was all over the map, covering his personal opinions on a wide variety of subjects in which he has no particular expertise. Perhaps if I had jumped in at Chapter 4, where the more practical advice begins, I would have made it farther, but by the time I got there, I didn’t have the will to press on more than a few dozen pages extra pages. I’m sure he has all sorts of wonderful advice about how to limit modern stresses, being as this book is highly reviewed and he is an experienced psychotherapist, but I didn’t get much past his suggestion that I meditate on my fingertips.

It did, however, intrigued me to learn that life circumstances actually affect the brain; that is, life events can actually cause our brains' chemistry to change. That bit of information seems to sweep aside the whole question of whether depression is chemical or behavioral. It implies that the one causes the other, which affects the other, in a kind of continuous circle. It’s like arguing which came first, the chicken or the egg. He certainly favors behavioral treatments over chemical ones, because the chemical ones only treat symptoms, not the core problems of life. But sometimes the core problems of life can’t be controlled or avoided, and people need something to alleviate their symptoms so they can be functional enough to address the problem. O’Conor’s concern is that if people keep treating the symptoms, it will be easier for them to ignore the problems and not make necessary life changes to alleviate their depression and anxiety in the long-term, and it’s a legitimate concern.

I suspect there’s good information here, golden nuggets, but it’s buried too deep in a mound of personal opinions, theories, and extraneous detail for me to press on. I throw in the towel.
Profile Image for Jenni.
6 reviews11 followers
January 14, 2010
I love this, in the chapter about repairing the Emotional Brain, page 144: "But in today's world, most of us have a vulnerable heart. The Perpetual Stress Response has us full of anxiety, which dissolves our self-esteem. The things we are told to value - material success, acquisitions - are easy to lose....And they don't repair the orbitofrontal cortex, the damage in the brain that represents our fragile psyches, in the way that meaningful relationships, living up to a set of standards, or having a rich spiritual life can do for us."
What? You mean science is telling us the way to repair our minds/psyches/brains is by 1. having meaningful relationships (family is central to the Creator's plan...) 2. living up to a set of standards (oh, like the 10 commandments,or For the Strength of Youth??), and 3. having a rich spiritual life (you mean worshiping my God and Savior may be...dare I say...healing??)
Sarcasm aside, I really am enjoying this book. It is alive with honest research and analysis. I'm getting into the part where he is discussing mindfulness, and it's spot on.
I definitely recommend this book.
Profile Image for Debbie.
8 reviews22 followers
January 6, 2014
The author takes us into the chemical, evolving world of understanding stressors. Personally, with some medical background, I enjoy this aspect but it can be overwhelming. Theories change as time progresses, as we all know the brain is the least explored and understood organs of the body. But real exercises and insights make it worth the read. He does bring in many theories and pops back and forth, which is no issue but a notebook is good to have handy ~ for the layperson. It is a book that I have had to read slowly - not for lack of interest or momentum but there are chapters that are a bit overwhelming emotionally. Worth it and use as reference, after it's read.
Profile Image for Megan O'Laughlin.
21 reviews6 followers
May 29, 2008
An informative and easily accessible book. The author takes an in-depth look at how modern culture's many stresses taxes our overwhelmed nervous systems.
He includes question and answer sessions as well as case notes from his therapy practice. I especially enjoyed his perspectives on today's common mental health diagnoses, such as PTSD and personality disorders, most of all depression, and how perpetual stress may influence them.
A good read for a person feeling the stress, for care providers working with people under stress or BOTH!
Profile Image for Michelle.
408 reviews20 followers
November 15, 2009
Unless you are a monk living in a cave, a hermit living in the woods, or a tribesman in a primitive tribe, you will benefit from this book. It's full of information on how to cope with our stressful lives, how it makes us sick, and how we can get better. I will absolutely be referring back to this one.
6 reviews
June 21, 2011
Really great suggestions for coping skills, but seems entirely informed by middle-upper class, male, western perspective.
Profile Image for George.
19 reviews
March 10, 2013
Quite amazingly rare in that its scope of insight, explanation, and analysis ranges widely and penetrates deeply!
Profile Image for Lea.
10 reviews
June 20, 2015
Well... I feel less stressed. In every possible way. Try it out- open up the book!
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews

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