Escape From B-Movie Hell

by M.T. McGuire

If you asked Andi Turbot whether she had anything in common with Flash Gordon she'd say no, emphatically. Saving the world is for dynamic, go-ahead, leaders of men and while it would be nice to see a woman getting involved for a change, she believes she could be the least well-equipped being in her galaxy for the job.

Then her best friend, Eric, reveals that he is an extraterrestrial. He's not just any ET either. He's Gamalian: seven-foot, lobster-shaped and covered in Marmite-scented goo. Just when Andi's getting used to that he tells her about the Apocalypse and really ruins her day.

The human race will perish unless Eric's Gamalian superiors step in. Abducted and trapped on an alien ship, Andi must convince the Gamalians her world is worth saving. Or escape from their clutches and save it herself.

This book won 3rd in the 2015 Teen category of the Wishing Shelf Book Awards.

Genres: Science Fiction, Queer, LGBT, Humor, Fiction, Comedy, Science Fiction Fantasy

268 pages, Paperback

First published December 17, 2015

About the author

M T McGuire enjoys the real world but wouldn't want to live here full time. That's why she writes books. She grew up, or at least, got bigger, half way up a windy down in Sussex. Her home was also the first location choice for Hogwarts, in the Harry Potter films, so maybe it's not so strange that she's ended up writing spec-fic. Perhaps there's something in the water up there, apart from chalk. She used to do stand up but sat down and started to write books when she got married. She now lives in Bury St Edmunds, in Suffolk, with a McOther, a McMini and a selection of very silly cars. She hasn't found a way to make any of the cars fly, and none of them is fitted with ordnance like the ones in her books, but she and her team of evil scientists are working on that.

Despite the fact she's pushing fifty now, and supposedly, an adult, M T checks all unfamiliar wardrobes for a gateway to Narnia. She hasn't found one so far but she lives in hope.

Reviews

[Pam Baddeley · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would caveat this review by stating upfront that I'm not the principal audience for this type of fiction, as I don't tend to read humorous fiction and like it a bit more on the dry and wordplay side - Douglas Adams' Hitchhiker's Guide series for example. However, I do read science fiction.

Protagonist Andi Turbot becomes embroiled in intergalactic politics when Eric, her friend at college, reveals he is actually a tall lobster-like creature with 7 eyes on stalks who needs to be smeared with marmite smelling goo in order to breathe. His human appearance has been a projection all along, but he has confided in her because the Earth is about to be devastated by meteor collision in order to allow its colonisation by alien life, on the assumption that humans aren't sentient (despite having a civilisation of sorts). Andi has to help Eric and his husbands (his species are all male) to prove that she and her fellow humans are sentient AND prevent the meteor collision, which is made more difficult by its being steered towards Earth deliberately and protected by a forcefield. Meanwhile, the identity of the real villain of the piece is not necessarily the obvious one.

I liked Eric and his relationship with Andi, though we don't see a lot of Andi's alternative side as a standup comedian. Eric and his fellows are quite nicely alien with their physiological differences and telepathy, though there are one or two things that are brought into the story - such as they seemingly can go and talk to their deity in person? - which are not really developed into a payoff. Also sometimes I found the pacing a bit slow. I did also wonder about the aliens being a bit militaristic when it seems they have an inhibition against actually killing anyone (at least, anyone they deem to be sentient). However, it was a lighthearted and amusing romp with some tension around the fate of the Earth, so I would award it a well-deserved 3 stars.

[Paul (Life In The Slow Lane) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Me: Hey honey, would you still like me if you suddenly found out I was a 7 foot tall space lobster?

Wife: Well it depends.

Me: Depends on what?

Wife: On how you were cooked.

I think this would be categorised as a YA Space Opera parfait, with Douglas Adams flavouring and comedy sprinkles on top. It had a much more sophisticated plot than I first thought ... in a Lost in Space kitschy kind of way. Hmm, I said that like it was a bad thing. It wasn't! The characters are memorable and humorous and, for the teenage girls, there were plenty of "Goo and Ewww!" moments. It wasn't over-wordy. The author pretty much, got straight to the point. M.T. McGuire wins her Imagination Badge for this, and makes me want to read more of her stuff. All-in-all, an enjoyable read for the Christmas break, and I think you wouldn't feel cheated after reading it.

[David Staniforth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I downloaded this book knowing that it was not my kind of read, or so I thought. I'm not particularly a fan of space-based sci-fi, and I'm not particularly keen on B movies. I have enjoyed the authors prior works, however. I enjoy her easy, relaxed writing style, the flow of gentle humour and the way she fleshes out her characters. The aforementioned was in plentiful supply, and the whole made for a very enjoyable and entertaining read.

Great stuff, bring on the next book, Mrs McGuire.

[Rich · Rating 4 out of 5]

The disclaimer: "I received an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review."

Anyone who knows me is aware that I enjoy all sorts of writing from historical non-fiction to the craziest sci-fi imaginable. Within the first few chapters of Escape From B-Movie Hell, I could definitely feel M T McGuire's love for Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett which had me smiling from ear-to-ear. That being said, after the initial familiarity, this book is a fun read that manages to keep a lively pace. Despite being comedic, the characters are well-developed and the various alien predicaments fit well into the larger plot. I'm still horrible at writing reviews without too many spoilers so I'm going to finish this quickly. My parting remarks are that if you have a free chunk of time and want to laugh/enjoy yourself, this is definitely a recommended read.

[J.A. Clement · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my pet hates in sci fi or fantasy is things that are self-consciously quirky, so when I read the description of the lobster-bloke with the Marmite-smelling goo I would have flicked onto the next one on the list if this had been written by any other author than MTMaguire. However, having rather dubiously picked up the first book in her previous series Few Are Chosen, a couple of years back and been hooked right till the end of the series, I was aware that this author has shown herself to be GOOD at 'quirky'.

In fact, this time I wouldn't say she was good at it; this time she's even better.

You've read the plot summary so I won't repeat it, but suffice it to say that I absolutely loved this book. Andi, the heroine, is feisty, pragmatic, and a really engaging, rounded character. Eric / Persalub, the previously-mentioned lobster-bloke and the rest of his people are good solid characters who are really convincing. Doge Sneeb - tremendously charismatic and occasionally as shiny and sinister as Darth Vader.

What you sometimes find in dodgy sci-fi is that the non-humanoid characters come across as if it was a part originally written for a human and the author has just gone through and referenced non-human body parts. This is not the case here, I am glad to say. The way they move and gesture is appropriate to the way they are built. The places described are a mixture of splendid sci-fi settings, and the bits that shouldn't be human-oriented are't (ie the space suits, the "life matter" on the floor, etc). It is, in fact, approachably and appreciably alien.

Would I recommend it? Unquestionably.
I like MTMaguire's writing style anyhow but this book is a level up from the last series - rollicking good fun, and I would go so far as to say that bits of it reminded me of the writing of Douglas Adams...

What next? Well, if you haven't read the K'Barthan stuff, that should keep you busy for a bit. Me, I'm waiting for the next in the series. I reckon Andi Turbot has more to say before she gets to live happily ever after. Good heroines don't go quiet that easily.
Oh, and one other thing. Watch this author - I have a feeling she is going to go far...
JAC.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Escape From B-Movie Hell falls into many genres. If I had to pick a few, I’d say it’s a British comedy sci-fi adventure, and plus, it’s also YA. The reason why I decided to give it a try is that I’ve been kind of tired of the usual YA books lately, and this sounded like a light, easy read. I was not disappointed!
First off, while the main protagonist here has to deal with a serious problem (annihilation of the human race, duh), the book has all the fun and cheerful tone of Futurama (which I love). Yes, sometimes it’s weird, but that’s the point, because it’s the ground for original humor. There’s a fine line between ridiculous scenes and subtle humor of the situation.
I totally enjoyed the diversity of characters here, and I’m not talking race or sexual orientation (which is kind of a hot subject in literature at the moment), but alien creatures that were well-developed and fun to read about. Eric would be my favorite. It’s just such a breath of fresh air, to read about a funny alien character! Andi’s great too – she’s strong and smart and witty, and to my relief, she didn’t turn out annoying, like it often happens in YA books. There must be something wrong with me – I just don’t like girls that much :D
There are some serious ideas in the book as well, and I always like that in a YA story, but they don’t overtake it, turning it into something tedious. The author definitely has a potential and a unique voice, and I hope we’ll get to read more great books for teenagers from her!

[Jim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just to say that this is an excellent book. M T McGuire is a consummate story teller. There is a fast paced plot with fascinating characters. I read the book in two sessions, it's hard to put down. Loved it.

[Billy Buttons · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was entered and was a Bronze Medal Winner in The Wishing Shelf Book Awards. This is what our readers thought:

Title: Escape from B-Movie Hell
Author: M T McGuire
Star Rating: 5 Stars
Number of Readers: 28
Stats
Of the 28 readers:
Editing 8/10
Style 9/10
Cover 10/10
Plot 10/10
Total 37/40
28 would read another book by this author.
16 thought the plot was the best part of the book.
12 thought the comedy was the best part
28 thought the cover was good or excellent.
28 though the author was a fab writer.

Readers’ Comments
‘Excellent in every way. Very funny in parts with a fantastic plot.’ Male reader, aged 16
‘I like sci-fi a lot. My favourite book is Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, but this was almost as good. Perfect mix of sci-fi and humour all the way through to the exciting end. Best book I’ve read for months.’ Boy, aged 15
‘The pacing is the best part of this book. It’s like a white-water river. It even started exciting. It also has the best cover in this awards.’ Girl, aged 15
‘Sort of political sci-fi. Funny stuff. The aliens were cool.’ Boy, aged 16
‘A few tiny errors but other than that it’s a very entertaining read.’ Girl, aged 16
‘A very good story.’ Girl, aged 14
‘A fantastically fun, sci-fi spoof. A bronze medal winner and highly recommended.’ The Wishing Shelf Book Awards

‘A fantastically fun, sci-fi spoof. A bronze medal winner and highly recommended.’ The Wishing Shelf Book Awards

[Roughseasinthemed · Rating 5 out of 5]

After reading the K'Barthan Series, I was interested to see what McGuire would do in a different environment and with new characters.

'Escape' is for the most part, a light read, and, as to be expected, contains some fine humour and excellent characters, which are one of McGuire's strengths. Anyone who can make crustacean aliens who drip 'marmite-scented goo' attractive, does a great line in character-building. As ever, she excels herself on the baddies.

Good to see a female heroine, a London student, who finds her own type of Narnia in space that comes to her, although like all Narnias, or even Alice in Wonderland, nothing goes as planned, or can be predicted.

McGuire writes very visually, and reading the book, I could easily imagine the spaceship, the aliens, even the space-walking.

Readers who enjoyed the K’Barth series and the humour in there should enjoy this venture into B-movie hell. Amidst the chaos that can be Christmas this would be a recommended escape.

[Kath Middleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Student Andi Turbot discovers something disturbing about her best friend Eric. He’s really a massively tall lobster-type creature with seven eyes. An alien. He’s on a recce mission to earth to find out if the natives are sentient. I’m not sure I could prove that I am. She is taken on board a huge craft and then the politics begin. There’s a meteor on the way to smash into earth. If humans were wiped out, the aliens could colonise. It’s against their laws to kill sentient creatures but someone’s stopping them from deflecting the meteor. Like I said, politics.

This is a funny story, full of great characters, even though most of them wade through marmite scented goo and have a tendency to clack their pincers at you. There’s serious stuff at the bottom of it but it’s taken lightly and, although it’s a long book, trust me, it flies past. I love this and would enjoy more or similar.
I received a review copy of this book for an honest review.

[Will Macmillan Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Douglas Adams Lives!

Well, he doesn’t, obviously. But very possibly he has been re incarnated as M T McGuire. I adored this book, it is everything I’ve been missing since the end of the Hitchhikers’ Guide series. Witty, funny, imaginative and entertaining it draws on all the old B Movies I remember from years ago to create a world in imminent danger, with everyone of us to be saved by… a gay art student rather than Flash Gordon in this case.

No matter. With a proper baddie intent on destroying the earth, as all proper baddies are, some under resourced and over adventurous assistants, Andi Turbot manages to save the day at the last minute. Quite literally, but let’s face it - this is exactly what is needed.

Disengage the TV and the internet, pour a refreshing drink of your choice, and be entertained by a proper story teller doing what she does best.

[Rachel Churcher · Rating 5 out of 5]

For more YA reviews, visit my blog - Unsupervised in a Bookstore .

What do you do when your best friend tells you he's an alien, proves it, and then disappears? Student Andi Turbot heads to her next lecture, then home to heat up some leftovers for dinner. She doesn't expect to meet more aliens in her kitchen, or to find herself transported to their ship, abducted, and subjected to a telepathic interrogation. Finding out about the impending destruction of the earth is not what she had in mind for the evening - and neither is discovering she's a powerful telepath.

On the plus side, she is reunited with her friend - only now he looks a bit like a lobster with seven long eye stalks and a coating of slimy goo. His human form was a telepathic projection, and his Gamalian form will take a bit of getting used to. As will the task ahead - escaping from the brig of a Gamalian ship, avoiding capture, and saving the world.

I read this book in one sitting. Once I'd started, I couldn't put it down. Everything I love about MT McGuire's writing is here - humour, action, brilliant and imaginative world-building, and an absolutely compassionate approach to the question of what it means to be human, and what it takes to do the right thing. It's a beautiful balance of laughter, friendship, loyalty and bravery, and recognising that no one is all bad, and no one is all good. There are bad guys and good guys, but plenty of shades of grey, and the author has a keen eye for the comedic moments when two cultures - and two species - meet. The action scenes are vivid and immersive, and the tension towards the climax of the story had me absolutely on the edge of my seat.

Andi is a refreshing character. She's studying Art Restoration and Museum Studies, but in her spare time she's a stand-up comedian. Her take on the events of the book is always coloured with humour and compassion, alongside a genuine fear for the safety of the Earth. Her friend Eric is the kind of being you'd want to go on an adventure with. Reliable, brave, and always willing to listen to Andi's suggestions, he's both a companion and protector, and her guide to the weirder aspects of Gamalian culture. I particularly enjoyed the character development of Doge Sneeb, a really interesting alien bad guy whose backstory develops in unexpected ways over the course of the book.

This is a proper B-movie romp with giant aliens, a constantly twisting plot, and a very satisfying conclusion. Great fun to read, and a fantastic way to spend a sunny afternoon in the garden.

Escape From B-Movie Hell is published as adult SciFi, but is suitable for a YA audience.

[Spencer Koelle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this book.

Let's start with the title. "Escape from B-Movie Hell", with the subtitle "a space adventure." This is promising the reader a certain experience. This is a promise it fails to deliver on.
The book is largely devoid of the spectacle factor and fun that such titling implies. There are no cloned dinosaurs or killer robots. We explore no alien jungles, mysterious caverns full of glowing crystals, or alternate dimensions. We never even set foot on another planet. The whole story more or less takes place in one space ship.

My next problem is...well, this. In the book, one thing they establish is that these aliens have scientifically confirmed the existence of their god, and have a proven afterlife that, with some effort, can be communicated with. This is a HUGE bombshell to drop and a risky move for even the most experienced scifi authors. You don't introduce something like this without a very, very good reason. There's got to be something interesting they do with that, a huge payoff, right?

No. It has no payoff, no further exploration, no purpose within the narrative. In fact, by its existence it creates some plotholes. A certain nefarious character plans to cover their tracks by killing off everyone who knows about their dastardly deeds, except since they have contact with the Other Side that means that, eventually, the truth shall out.

The world-building is not very good. The alien species has a hard code against killing other sapient life, or at least against killing their own, and they've only recently discovered another sentient species which they hope to eventually make contact with. But...they have a Military. A HUGE military. Who have they been fighting all this time?

This book just didn't deliver. By the final few chapters, I was just struggling through because of momentum.

[Kurt Springs · Rating 3 out of 5]

This review was first published on Kurt's Frontier.

Synopsis:

Andi Turbot is a London college student who does standup comedy in her spare time. She would never think of herself as a science fiction heroine. She has a friend named Eric with whom she has a close, platonic relationship. When Eric reveals that he is extraterrestrial, she doesn’t believe him at first. Then he drops his disguise and turns into a seven-foot, lobster-shaped alien covered in Marmite-scented goo. He informs her that a meteor is on a collision course with Earth. She is left with two choices. Convince Eric’s superiors that her homeworld is worth saving or escape and do it herself. With political intrigue that rivals humanity’s, neither will be easy.

Review:

M. T. McGuire’s novel is a lighthearted romp in through old science fiction tropes. There are strange aliens that are somehow endearing. There is a planet smashing crisis to overt to save humanity. Andi Turbot is introduced to Eric, a Gamalian pilot scouting Earth. He wasn’t supposed to get this close to her but somehow became her friend. Now he feels duty bound to save her planet. Much of their success hinges on convincing Dodge (a title) Sneed that she is sentient. Considering that Earth is strategically placed for a colonizing expedition, this revelation is something that those in power will not easily accept.

The book is entertaining, and the concepts are interesting. The interplay between Andi, Eric, Smeesch, and Neewong is fun. However, it is not a page-turner. I was able to put the book down for long stretches. Still, if you like the old B-movies, it’s worth a read.

[Julia Blake · Rating 5 out of 5]

What do you do when your best friend reveals that he is an alien? A seven-foot, lobster-shaped, covered in Marmite-scented goo alien, informing you that your whole world is in deep trouble. If you’re Andi Turbot, you take a deep breath, pull up your big girl pants, and deal with it.

A wonderfully funny take on all those old sci-fi series of the forties and fifties, the author has taken my childhood memories of Flash Gordon and Buck Rogers and wrapped them all up in one tidy-ish parcel of the ‘lone human has to save the world’ trope in an entirely fresh and enjoyable new way.

Andi is a heroine who is instantly relatable as she bumbles her way from one edge-of-the-seat crisis to another, and the alien Eric and his two husbands are adorable. The baddies are real baddies until they reveal themselves not to be so bad after all, and then the race is on for Andi and her unlikely band of allies to try and uncover the real dastardly villain and save the world. The clock is counting down and it’s up to Andi to be Very Brave and get over her dislike of Marmite – read the book to get the reference!

Fabulously written in a quirky, tongue-in-cheek, British manner, this is a joy for all who enjoy the writings of Terry Pratchett and Douglas Adams and earns a solid, lobster-shaped five stars from me.

[Si Clarke · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Arthur Dent was a modern lesbian undergrad romping through the golden age of science fiction – cheesily bad special effects and all.

Andi's just your average, ordinary undergrad. Until one day she accidentally thinks someone else's thought. And then her best friend Eric reveals himself to be not exactly the Norwegian exchange student she thought he was. Oh, and the world's about to end.

My ADHD brain had a tough time with some of the overly long paragraphs and it possibly could have done with another pass by the editor. But on the whole, it's well structured and has clearly had at least one round of editing.

[Teri Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fun read!

Lots of action, bad guys, science...also some good guys, funny bits and good googly moogly GOO!

The earth is going to be destroyed because humans are not considered sentient. Andi has to prove to the giant lobster aliens that earthlings are worth saving, but the very evily insane main leader is determined to colonize the planet to assure his fame. There is a lot of goo to sludge through.

[Ying_ko · Rating 5 out of 5]

A weird, but fun, read

When a book has the word B-Movie in the title, it is going to be a few degrees off plumb and the enjoyment comes from the author's ability to give a humorous story; the author gives a wonderful amount of humor that combines a Flash Gorden serial with a 1950'a Science Fiction movie. Delightfully daft. A great read.

[Liza · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's a fun story.

The Earth is about to be hit by a meteor which will wipe out the human race - Vacant Possession available to any Aliens. Andi is doing her best to get the Aliens to save the humans.

It's about friendship - not romance.

[Clare Pooley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book! Fast-paced, exciting, funny, crazy but believable characters and no loose-ends untied. I always thought I wasn't interested in Science Fiction but then I discovered M.T. McGuire. Her books are thoroughly recommended by me.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Funny

[Crittermom · Rating 4 out of 5]

Escape from B-Movie Hell is cheeky fun, but expect more chuckles than laugh-out-loud moments. Written in the vein of old time adventures such as Buck Rogers and Flash Gordon, the novel features Andi Turbot, a British Art restoration student. It comes as a surprise when she discovers her best friend Eric is an alien rather than simply fashion challenged. She takes it in stride that he is in reality a large lobster-shaped entity dripping marmite scented goo. That being said, she doesn't expect to be teleported to an alien ship or to find out that an asteroid is on a collision course with Earth.

If you like cheesy fifties scifi flicks you will definitely enjoy this light-hearted homage. Read with friends for a Mystery Science Theater 3000 style book round.

4/5

I received a copy of Escape from B-Movie Hell from the publisher and netgalley.com in exchange for an honest review.

--Crittermom

[Tim · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zoidberg attacks, possibly?

Aaaargh! Now I'm doing reviews like cryptic crossword clues. Just read the book and try not to giggle too hard.

[Lynne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This has now become one of my go-to books when I am feeling low.