Stand: Overcoming a Lifetime of Abuse and Neglect with Grace and Dignity

by Debbie Williamson

One courageous woman shatters the chains of abuse that bound her family for generations and dares to brave the crippling memories of sexual abuse; shatter the illusions of denial; reveal her family s bitter legacy of violence; reach for healing and wholeness, and take her place on a path to forgiveness and peace. Replacing shame with hope, fear with truth, and shadows with light, Debbie Williamson shares her arduous journey to wellness. She did not choose this journey. At nine years old, she was a victim of sexual abuse. The hidden trauma of childhood rape often maps a life filled with destructive patterns and shame. Such was almost the case for Ms. Williamson. As a young woman struggling to repair her family, she finds the courage to take a STAND. Grasping for health because her life truly depends upon it, she uncovers and shatters her family s tragic tradition of violence. With focus and conviction, Debbie Williamson overcomes a lifetime of denial to heal herself and protect the next generation.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Biography Memoir, Memoir

168 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

About the author

Born in SLC, Utah. Raised in Southern California. Has four children and eleven grandchildren.

Married Gary Williamson October 2000.

Lives in California. Has four schnauzers, loves to travel, golf, read, garden and scrapbook.

Reviews

[Eva-Marie Nevarez · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wow- I'm still a little in shock here. I'm always a little anxious when I read a book by an author I don't know. Especially an author I meet on-line, on a site like this, etc. Let's just say I was anxious for no reason with this one.
While reading it questions kept popping into my head, stuff I just knew I was going to have to ask Mrs. Williamson, to pick her brain a little. Then the question would be answered within a page or two. I think that happens a half a dozen times. It was so nice not to be left with these questions you're just wanting to know so bad about.
Mrs. Williamson is a very, very strong person and she has a beautiful family, which she shows to us all throughout this book. (A little side note- there are pictures throughout the book- not too many, just enought to get a feel for each person and just enough to let you be able to really picture the person during a certain situation- I loved that.)
I'm not as open minded as Mrs. Williamson is. I could tell that pretty quickly. I kind of wish I was. I'm very skeptical when someone tells me they had an out of body experience or that they were visited from the other side. Maybe it's because it's never happened to me but that's just the way I am. So, the parts where the author mentioned her deceased father coming to her and actually speaking to her were difficult for me. I just don't see it. On the other hand, I hope to God it really happened- because then maybe someday, before I die, I'll be a little more reassured about the after-life. I'm working on faith alone right now and a little reassurance wouldn't hurt.
Near the end of the book the author mentioned the 'gift' being passed onto her daughter- this was tough to swallow for me to. I hope to have one (or more) conversations with Mrs. Williamson about the whole thing. I'm interested in hearing more and who knows- maybe she'll make a believer out of me. :)
That's about the only thing that made the book a little harder for me. I have a lot of praise for how she handled the religious aspect of the book. There are many people, me being one of them who DO NOT like being preached to- I never felt that with this. The author talked about her ralationship with God, her faith yet she didn't harp on it, she said what needed to be said and left it alone. She didn't come across as snooty or snobby, as her faith is better because of this or that, she didn't act like people should follow her lead and follow her to wherever religon-wise- this went very far with me and I know it will with others too.

Okay- the book tells about Debbie Williamson's life- it wasn't an easy one and she worked HARD to get through her problems. That deserves something there with so many people laying the blame for their own faults on someone else in these times. It was refreshing to read about someone having their faults, dealing with them in an incorrect way, realizing it, trying to fix it, and becoming a better person for it. I enjoyed learning about how the relationships between her and her family members changed and grew also- particularly her mother and kids.

I wouldn't suggest keeping this on the shelf for too long- it's one of those books where when you do finally grab it down to read you want to kick yourself for missing out for so long.
One more thing- the way Mrs. Williamson writes is fantastic! The whole story just flowed and this being a first novel- that's a pretty cool feat, especially when talking about subjects as harsh as are dealt with here. I mentioned this to a friend and I'll mention it to the author as well, but I hope she's still writing. In my opinion she could go on writing, in many more different ways.
One more thing again- I definitely think Stand can be of help to a lot of people, women specifically.

[Debbie Williamson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my book!

[Love · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book never in all my years of reading this type story has one been so much like mine. I could identify with so much that she was going through.I think sometimes it is very hard to just get over what happens to us as children or adults for that matter. I can only say one thing I would have a hard time agreeing with, that is being able to hug the abuser. I feel I would have a very hard time doing so. But maybe I am a weak person for this. Anyway it is a great book to read if you need help dealing with what has happened to you in the past. A must read for memoir lovers.

[Sassy Lou · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book was so good. It had me crying, and wanting to punch someone at the same time. It was good. I have never had to deal with sexual abuse, or really any kind of abuse, but I have had my own trials. This taught me that I'm not the only one going through hard times, and it also taught me to be grateful for the family and friends that I have. I really, really enjoyed reading this book. It had a great message of courage.

[Georgiann Hennelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stand is a very emotional read. This is the story of Debbie Williamsons life as a sexually abused nine year old and her final resolution with her uncle who was her abuser. The book tells not just of her early experiences but also of the abuse her mother suffered from her stepfather. Both of them were threatened by their abusers that if they told, something bad would happen.It is amazing that they both found their way out of the hell their lives had become.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very straight-forward, touching story. The author did not dress up the writing to elicit pity or make any characters more likable/palatable. Sometimes it felt like the writing was too plain, but I appreciate it because sometimes that is how it comes out when someone is healing.

I received this book for free through Goodreads First Reads.

[lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

let me first start by getting this out of the way – i was sexually abused when i was 3 or 4 years old. it impacted me deeply and though i consider myself lucky to have come out relatively unscathed, it is a truth of my past. this book is a look at the shame and struggles that are experienced following sexual abuse.

i read this in one sitting, with the book in one hand and a box of tissues in the other. Stand was raw and powerful and gut wrenching, but it was an absolutely amazing experience that i am honored to have shared with the author.

Hi, my name’s Debbie. I am a whore. I am a slut. I have had so many affairs. I’ve cheated on my husband for years. I am a liar. I’m not worthy of anything. I’m not trustworthy; you can’t trust me. This is who I am.

with this proclamation, Debbie claims her failure, taking responsibility for her life, and attempts to break the cycle of abuse that was set in motion decades before. at the age of 9, Williamson was raped by her 22 year old uncle and, years later, in the midst of her own failed marriage and recklessness, she attempts to regain control of her life and stop the cycle of abuse and neglect that she has plagued her family for so long.

Stand chronicles three generations of abuse in Williamson’s family, both physical and emotional, that had run so deep. domestic abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, alcoholism and neglect – it was all present in varying levels. her grandmother Bessie, after being widowed, remarried an abusive man who ruled the house with a firm hand, trickling down physical and sexual abuse to the children, and even among siblings. Lois, Williamson’s mother continued the pattern of abuse by neglecting her children and cheating on her own husband rather publicly. Debbie found herself in a place of self loathing when she woke up one day and realized that she had become just like her mother, cheating, drinking and neglecting her own children.

the writing is stark and painful to read, loud and honest with the long lasting pain of abuse, and yet the overlaying message is that of hope. Williamson takes hold of her life and shakes out all of the skeletons and i can only imagine the courage that it must have taken to write this book. it is an unfortunate truth that so many children face the same sad situations and come away so damaged that the pattern of abuse is only repeated generation after generation, but Williamson’s testimony is a glimmer of hope that shouldn’t be ignored.

i would absolutely recommend this for anyone that has been abused or knows anyone affected by abuse, in any way. it is not a book that i can say was enjoyable or good (that just doesn’t seem right), but i can’t say enough how much i appreciated it.

[Bookventures Book Club · Rating 4 out of 5]

For some reason, I had some difficulty putting this review together. Maybe it’s because this story has no characters that you can like or dislike or a plot that you can pick apart. You’re peeking into someone’s life and this someone just happen to have been a victim of sexual abuse. Debbie Williamson’s story is heart wrenching but yet carries a power message; you have to take a stand against abuse in order to break the cycle reclaim your life.

Debbie narrates the story as she takes you through the generation of abuse that engulfed the women and men in her family. Saying that his book is emotionally charged is an understatement. The author really makes you feel the anger, confusion, sadness and relief in the same waves that she experienced them and it’s unclear as to whether it’s the writing that helps you to feel this way or the fact that you can empathize with Debbie and what she went through. Another compelling force in the book are the photos of Debbie’s family. They really help to bring the story close to home for the readers simply because there are times when reading this book, you think to yourself “I can’t believe that this actually happened”. Additionally, the title of the book is also quite fitting since Debbie’s story is also a clear testimony to the notion that abuse in whatever form is cyclic and you can either sit by and have the cycle repeat itself or you can take a stand.

Aside from the obvious theme I also found spirituality being significant throughout the book. Debbie constantly makes reference to diary entries where she talks to God. She also credits her spiritual breakthrough and messages from the ‘other side’ for helping her get through her most difficult times.

Though much of the book is heavy and raw, there is a silver lining and Debbie gets her happily ever after. The book serves as an inspiration for women who are currently in abusive relationships, giving them hope that they too can make it out and rebuild their lives. I am definitely going to pass this on to my girlfriends.

[Yin Chien · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't know what to expect when I started reading this book. But the first chapter already made me so sad and angry of what was happening to a nine-year-old Debbie. Her uncle raped her. And she was helpless, afraid and unable to do anything. If possible, I would jump into the book, slap her uncle, command him to stop his sinful act and save Debbie from the suffering, pain and hurt which accompanied her for a very long time. I was even heartbroken when I learned about Debbie's mother, who was also a rape victim. Worse still, the person who raped her mother was her grandfather. And he did that repeatedly. He even forced his young daughter into prostitution.

This book is so haunting that you will keep thinking about the fearful events that occurred in Debbie and her mother's life which forced them into silence and self-destruction. I can almost feel their pain, conflicts and hurt throughout the book. Debbie's words are simple yet powerful because of the message that lies in it. I cried for her when she was in the abyss of darkness and despair. I felt elated when she finally found the strength and courage to cope the childhood trauma that was buried deep in her heart with the help of God and found her happiness at last.

This book is a real motivational read. It tells us not to give up even thought the future seems bleak. It encourages us to stand up against the abuse and violence that is harboured upon us with bravery because only by doing so will we obtain peace at last. Everyone should read this book and learn about Debbie's journey. Stand will help many women in dealing with the harsh experiences in their lives and to stand up for themselves. Thank you for sharing your story with me, Debbie!

Visit http://the-bookaholics.blogspot.com for more reviews.

[Ms. Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book off of Goodreads First Reads, and was very excited to start reading it since it appeared to be a very intriguing, interesting read. When I started, I literally couldn't drag myself away from it's pages. I read the first 12 chapters in one sitting (literally!) and finished the book within the next several hours. Yes, it was THAT good. It's heartbreaking. It's gruesome and gut-wrenching and brutal. The author does not shy away AT ALL from revealing any explicit details about the horrendous ordeals of child rape and molestation that happened to her, to her mom, and her grandma. If you don't have a strong stomach for this type of stuff, then you might have a very difficult time reading and processing the ugly details of this book. So many sections of it literally made me cry, the author was that honest.

Being a Mental Health Counselor for kids who have been abused and neglected themselves, I've always taken an interest to brutally-honest memoirs such as these. It helps me take a peak into the life of these unfortunate victims: how they feel, think, grow, learn, and develop after experiencing some horrific acts from real-life monsters. The author does an amazing job expressing herself and what she went through and how she eventually overcome it all, and was able to move past the abuse and find a better life for herself and her children. She eventually found her fairy-tale ending. This book was inspiring, motivating, and absolutely beautiful. I highly recommend reading it!!

[Sandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this book through Goodreads. It is signed by the author, & I love that. This isn't a book that I would normally have chosen for myself, so I am grateful to have won it. I enjoyed it a great deal. The author's story was not one I could relate to for the most part. Her description of her mother's childhood & her own were detailed, but not overly graphic. They were so well written, empathy came naturally.
I teach young children, & I related to & found much of the childhood experiences familiar through my work. Fortunately, I was not a victim of childhood sexual abuse, but there were other aspects of the author's story that I could relate to easily. For instance, the love & worry for her children were very familiar emotions. Sadly, I could also relate to much of her feelings toward her mother. My point here is that even though the description may not sound like something you will relate to, you may very well find aspects that you find very familiar. I also understood much of her relationship with the husband who fathered her children because of my first husband :( A portion of the relationship with Gary reminded my of my current husband (I'm not implying I'll have another husband later- I can only bear so much - that is a slight joke). I encourage anyone to read this book. As I read it, I thought of several friends who I think will be benefit from reading this book, friends I hope can take courage from the author's courage.

[Mona Garg · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a very raw, harrowing, and personal memoir made even more so by the inclusion of family photos. Ms. Williamson writes in a very readable,conversational style. I felt as if she was confiding in me.

If there is any drawback, it's the excessive emphasis on the spiritual. I found my mind wandering during those parts. I had the same issue when I read Alice Sebold's THE LOVELY BONES.I did like the parts where she mentions her journal and talking to God.

I always like it when authors use quotations at the beginning of the chapters. In Stand, the quotations gave a hint about the content of the chapter.

Ms. Williamson's tenacity and determination not to let the cycle of abuse continue is truly inspirational. Although the abuse was bound to have some negative impact on her life,relationships,self-image, and psyche, she had the courage to seek aggressive treatment to confront her demons.

This memoir could not have been easy to write but the end result must have been cathartic and I'm sure will help others struggling with abuse,whether physical,sexual,emotional, or verbal. Her memoir and speaking engagements is her way of giving back.

I received this book free through Goodreads FirstReads.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Stand by Debbie Williamson is a sensitive and detailed telling of her life as a sexually abused 9 year old to her final resolution with her abuser, her uncle. This book portrays and hurt and anger and self hatred that resulted from her horrible experience. The book tells not just of her early experience but of her mother’s abuse from her step father Debbie was sexually abused by her uncle. Both them were threatened by their abusers that if they told. It is amazing that with their experiences that they both were able to find their selves out of the hell that became their lives. As the author out it the light in their eyes and their lives went out. I could not put this book down, carrying it everywhere that I went until it was finished. Debbie Williamson is an incredible person to set this entire painful story down and triumph over the worst experiences of her life. I would recommend this book to everyone who has been sexually abused as a child and to all who need to understand the terrible destructiveness of that act. If you decide to read it, try to set a day for it alone.

[Kayleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I devoured this book in two days in three sittings. I usually enjoy books like this, and it has been a long time since I've read any. I really liked reading about her mother and grandmother, love the era's. I could tell that there was alot that she held back on, especially towards the end of the book, I don't really blame her it's hard to reveal everything about yourself like that.
I honestly would have had either a ghost writer or a better editor because her writing was sub-par at best, not to be mean.
Enjoyed the book, and I'm happy that she has a better life.

First quote from the book

Courage takes many forms. There is physical courage, there is moral courage. Then there is still a higher courage-the courage to brave pain, to live with it, to never let others know of it, and to still find joy in life; to wake up in the morning with an enthusiasm for the day ahead.
- Howard Cosell.

[Kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing. So inspirational that i even shead a tear for Debbie and her happy ending.

I have never been abused in my life like Debbie but i can connect with this book in so many different levels. Like, the will power to forgive and love all who seem missled. I believe no one is a bad person, just lost in some form or the other. And with all of my heart believe that everyone should be heard.

This last paragraph will never leave me:
"Sometimes gifts come to us in forms we don't recognise. When we do recognise these as gifts a new door opens to a place we have never seen before. A new begining is there if you have courage to go through those doors. When you do, you will find forgiveness and a way to be free from hurt. Forgiveness not just for your abuser; it is, most of all , for yourself. It is the way to your dreams. It is a way to be new again.

Just wonderful...

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

I received this book through a Goodreads Giveaway. I was hesistant to read this book, and for good reason -- this is very tough subject matter. The author is incredibly brave for sharing her story. I especially admired her strength in forgiving those who perpetuated the cycle of abuse that affected her life. At the same time, she does not shy away from accepting responsibility from what occurred within her own household (as an adult), and it is admirable that she has rebuilt her relationship with her children.

I've no doubt that people who've been in similiar circumstances will find this an inspirational book, however, some sections are in need of re-organization as they seem to jump around a bit, which made parts a bit confusing and distracting. Nonetheless, I will be passing this book onto others!

If you like this book, I recommend "The Glass Castle" by Jeannette Walls.

[Penny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I work in law enforcement and, as such, witness the results of violence, abuse and neglect. I can testify that there are not many happy endings, most are mediocre at best. I mention that not to discourage others in this type of situation but rather to recognize the strength that it must have taken for Williamson to fight to change her circumstances. I feel privileged to have been able to share her story and for that I thank her. As opposed to some other books I've read, Williamson does not take what she has learned in this life, throw it in your face and exclaim; "See? I did it! Just do this and you will be fine too!" but rather, with exposed vulnerability, her mistakes are put on display for all to see. This frank memoir reminds us that we are all fallible.

[Tammie · Rating 3 out of 5]

6/1...Finished this book in one day..........and while I can feel the pain of the author coming thru the written word, I can't say I enjoyed the book. The time line was very jumpy and I constantly had to flip back thru the book to be sure I knew who I was reading about and when. Too many people and not enough information to build an understanding of the role they played in the authors life.

Wow...my summer beach book bag is going to be well stocked before Memorial Day even arrives. I will post my reading review shortly after the book arrives....I have a feeling it will be one I greatly enjoy and won't put down until the very last word has been read.

Thanks GoodReads for another lovely GiveAway!

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won this through the GoodReads First Reads program...and absolutely loved it! I have spent several years working in social services with children who were victims of all types of abuse. So many people do not understand that parents who are abusers were often victims themselves. This book is one of the most realistic portrayals of the cycle of abuse that I have ever read!

I also want to commend the author for not only being brave enough to stop the cycle of abuse to protect her children, but also for having the courage to share her story with the world. In order for the abuse to stop, people have to acknowledge the problem!

[Tobyann Aparisi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book from the first reads, I signed up for it because it kind of sounded like my life and something I might need to help me understand my own decisions in my life. I absolutely loved this book! I could not put it down. It has so many truths and such heart and soul. It was uplifting and reminded me not to give up on my dreams. Anyone who has been through an abusive life should read this book, should hear this story and the story of the family members before. Then rejoice when you too can break the chain in your own life. I would recommend this for those is therapy, those lost, those feeling no hope. there is hope and it is in the stand!

[Lynn Dove · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was one of the winners of Stand in a goodreads giveaway.
Debbie Williamson writes a gut-wrenching memoir of a family drastically affected by a lifetime of abuse. A difficult book to read in some ways not only because it is graphic in nature, but also a little disjointed in parts, it is still a powerful book in its message. I can't say I enjoyed the book but I don't believe that was the author's intent anyway. This is not a "feel-good" book, but a book that shows the emotional rollercoaster ride and devastating effects on a woman's life when she is victimized by a man (or in Debbie's case, men)whom she loves.

[Simmonsmry · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was pleasantly surprised to have this book arrive in the mail after winning the GoodReads giveaway. It is an intense memoir about the cycle of abuse in the author's family. Not shying away from the horrific incidents of sexual abuse that were perpetrated against both her and her mother when they were children, Debbie Williamson describes how she was haunted by these events and pshychologically traumatized. She conveys that her own healing was integral to helping her own children and grandchildren. By relaying the intimate details of her family's struggles with abuse, she provides insight for others who are dealing with similar circumstances.

[Sabrina Rutter · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very moving memoir. I found myself in tears several times. I can't imagine how someone can live that many years in such a poisonous marriage and still thrive. I would have liked to hear more about her spiritual experiences but maybe later she will write a book on that. Hopefully she will go to some classes and learn how to strengthen her psychic abilities.
Debbie crammed a lot in 167 pages. It feels like this book was much longer than that. I'm glad it seemed that way becuase I normally feel like short books are rushed and seem more like an idea rather than a book.

[Kellyreaderofbooks · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stand tells the story of the author, Debbie Williamson. Born into a dysfunctional family, she is raped by an uncle at the age of nine. While telling her own story, Mrs. Williamson also goes back and tells the story of her Grandmother and Mother, who also came from dysfunctional families.

I thought the author did a great job of showing how the cycle of abuse goes on generation after generation. It really shows that how we are treated as children can impact how we feel about ourselves as an adult.

[Meg · Rating 4 out of 5]

I won Stand through a Goodreads giveaway, but I was somewhat hesitant to read it. I've never been through abuse myself and haven't experienced anything like what Ms. Williamson has, so it collected dust on my shelf for a year until I finally gave it a chance. If you are in need of inspiration, this is a good book to pick up. I've already lent it to a friend to read and I'm still reflecting on it. With the exception of the way it jumps around and has little organization, this book was a great read that I would recommend to others.

[Tasha · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an amazingly powerful book on many levels. We not only see the horrible things the author went thru as a child but we see how she endured abuse her entire life until she decided enough was enough. The images she gives can be extremely disturbing and one asks how can a person be put through so much. However the light at the end gives so much hope and promise for future generations. She is a great example of breaking the abuse cycle and creating a better life for her children than she had. I got thia book from the first reads giveaway!

[Lissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Won novel from goodreads giveways

Debbie Williamson is an incredible writer. I started & finished the novel today. I Highly recommend this novel.

Debbie you are courageous & strong. The novel was very moving, & sentimental.

Thank you for sharing your experiences. I'm sure it would help abused woman to have the courage & strength
to stand up for themselves.


I hope everything works out for you.
Thank you for the novel. :)

Lissa

[Jennifer L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was amazing. I couldn't put it down, and was actually crying while reading it. Debbie tells about her dysfunctional family while growing up, and then as she continues to live in a dysfunctional situation as an adult until she decides she's going to make a change, and what a change she made. This is a truly inspiring book and I woudl definately recommend it to not only surviors but anyone who would like to see the change a person can make in their life!

[Kelly Mazza · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this book as a first reads winner & finished it in a day & a half. Debbie's story of abuse is sadly all to common these days but her story also shows it is possible to triumph over tradgedy, to break the cycle handed down from generation to generation and to start a new family tradition. Debbie shows that no matter your past you can be happy again. I have no doubt this book will help countless vicitms of abuse.

[Lauren Monsey Nagel · Rating 3 out of 5]

The minute that I got this book in my hands, I could not put it down. The story isn't about something new. The effects of abuse reach out so far and so wide, and affect so many people in their lifetime. But it's also the story nobody knows. The full review can be read at http://ureadmorebooks.blogspot.com/Stand

Please read my review and then read the book! It is a remarkable true story. I would love to hear your comments. Follow my blog, please. Thank you, Lauren