It's So Hard to Love You: Staying Sane When Your Loved One Is Manipulative, Needy, Dishonest, or Addicted

by Bill Klatte, Kate Thompson

Smart Strategies for Dealing with People Who Are Really Hard to Love.

Most of us have someone in our life that we care about, but who is really hard to love: a spouse or sibling with an addiction or anger problem, a parent whose actions frighten or frustrate you, an adult child whom you feel makes the wrong choices over and over, or a friend or other relative who can't get it together. Just because someone you love has a problem, though, doesn't mean you stop loving him or her. You don't want to let go of this person, but you do want to stop getting hurt.

This book — written by a brother-and-sister team — offers tools that will help you deal with the anguish of loving a difficult person while maintaining a sane relationship with him or her. Using the strategies in this book, you'll start to clearly recognize the negative effects your loved one's behavior is having on your life. You'll learn to accept that this person's actions may not ever change—but that your actions can. You'll find ways to shift your focus from changing the difficult person to changing your reactions to him or her. As you learn to deal with your difficult loved one on your own terms, you'll also learn techniques for managing the possible negative reactions that can arise from your changing relationship.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Unfinished, Psychology

200 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2007

Reviews

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

The brother and sister team that wrote this book offer a lot of good strategies for protecting yourself while still being there for what they call a "troublesome loved one." If you have an adult loved one who leaves you feeling like your life has been taken over, and they exhaust you with their manipulation and neediness, then I recommend this book. I learned about creating boundaries and why we should create them. I would read this again, and I probably need to.

[Monica Willyard Moen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is filled with helpful, practical application ideas. I think it needs to be read somewhat slowly because there are so many things to consider as you read. This is one of those books I will hang onto because I think I will want to dip into it again as I adjust my course in working with a difficult relative to build a stable relationship.

[Bedour · Rating 2 out of 5]

كتاب قيم اقتبس منه
"عامل الاشخاص جميعاً بالحب والاحترام وأعر الانتباه إلى الشخص الوحيد في العالم الذي يمكنك تغييره ...نفسك"

[Ftkinard · Rating 4 out of 5]

good tips in chapters 9 and 10 on self-care

[Ashley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not bad. Basically it helps you see your part in the situations. I didnt like the term 'let go with love's but the concept is great.
-Acknowledge and accept your thoughts and feelings.
-Rethink what happened, plan your response.
-Replace old behaviors with new one.
Don't Clam Up or Blow Up, but Speak Your Truth

Overall good. Super repetitive but maybe that's necessary.

I loved the concept of 'you seem to know everything that wrong with your troubled loved one, but what do you know about yourself' we can't change others but we can change ourselves

Best quote..... "If you care more about the problem than the person with the problem, you are part of the problem"

It comes back to us.... what are we doing?

[Sian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought this book was very good. It's not psychoanalytical or deep. It spoke to me at a time when I've fully come to realize through years of struggle and wishing otherwise that you must take full responsibility for yourself, regardless of whether or not relationships with loved ones work out or not. Stop being a caregiver. It's not helping.
It's filled with prompts to do exercises and activities for reflection. I didn't do them but found the book to be a brief, positive pep talk for those that are ready to move on.

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provides much-needed practical advice on how to deal with difficult people.

[Katie Lynn · Rating 1 out of 5]

I felt this book was elementary.

I did like:
"There's a saying that when you care more about a problem than the person who has the problem, you are part of the problem."

I also found the 'cutesy' little acronyms and simplifications annoying.