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Bullying Scars: The Impact on Adult Life and Relationships
An explosion of research on bullying has raised our collective awareness of the serious impacts it can have on children. No longer do we accept it as an innocuous rite of passage, just a part of growing up that we grin and bear and grow out of later. But do we grow out of it, or are there lingering effects that last well beyond the school playgrounds and lunchrooms? Is bullying traumatic and, if so, does it last into adult life? Are there life-long consequences or are the effects pretty much shed as people grow? Are some of us more resilient than others? Are there any positive or unexpected outcomes as a result of being bullied (or having been a bully) as a child? In an effort to answer these questions, Bullying Scars describes childhood bullying from the vantage point of those victims, bullies, and bystanders who are now adults; the book discusses how lives have been changed, and explores the range of reactions adults exhibit.The research gathered for this book, through interviews with over 800 people, points out that even adult decision-making is often altered by the victimization they experience as children at the hands of peers, siblings, parents, or educators.
Written in an engaging and accessible style that draws heavily from the rich interview data that deLara has collected, this book will be of interest to anyone struggling with the lingering effects of being bullied. Additionally, it is highly relevant to mental health professionals -- counselors, therapists, social workers, clinical psychologists -- working with clients who are dealing with these issues.
Written in an engaging and accessible style that draws heavily from the rich interview data that deLara has collected, this book will be of interest to anyone struggling with the lingering effects of being bullied. Additionally, it is highly relevant to mental health professionals -- counselors, therapists, social workers, clinical psychologists -- working with clients who are dealing with these issues.
270 pages, Hardcover
First published June 1, 2016
45 people are currently reading
202 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
December 19, 2022
By far and large the most pertinent book I've ever read on the topic, but reader BEWARE: this really woke up the buzzards in my head. By reading so many testimonies, old stuff that happened to you start resurfacing and it might put you in a foul mood.
Nothing to say about the content, though. Very thorough study on what are the causes and the effects of bullying and how it affects adults. This is quite clinical, there's no lovey-dovey it-was-not-your-fault tone or anything. It can be an emotionally violent read. A confronting, but liberating one.
Nothing to say about the content, though. Very thorough study on what are the causes and the effects of bullying and how it affects adults. This is quite clinical, there's no lovey-dovey it-was-not-your-fault tone or anything. It can be an emotionally violent read. A confronting, but liberating one.
August 7, 2016
Dr. Ellen Walser deLara's book, "Bullying Scars" doesn't just skim the surface of the long-term effects of bullying on the human psyche and human condition, but delves deep to give the reader a big picture understanding of this problem. As someone who not only lived through the long-term effects of bullying, but also wrote a Memoir about it, I can honestly say that Dr. deLara's research in this book is impeccable, precise and well studied, with over 800 individuals who shared their stories and thoughts on the subject. But it's not just a research book. Dr. deLara shares many stories from both bullying survivors and bullies that she interviewed during the writing of this book. She also did not just look at youth bullying, but also adult bullying, workplace bullying, familial bullying, sibling bullying, and the ramifications that each different type causes to the individual. This is an important book on a subject that has been kept in the dark for way too long. This book is one of the most comprehensively researched books on the subject of long-term bullying and the Adult Post-Bullying Syndrome (APBS) it causes. It is a book not only accessible to academia, but also one that anyone who deals with the issues of the long-term effects of bullying should read to better understand that it is not "kids being kids" anymore and we don't "just get over it".
July 9, 2017
An absolutely superb and vital academic work on the epic toxicity of bullying in our culture, and the lingering effects thereof. For every positive trait associated with APBS (Adult Post Bullying Syndrome), there are at least five or six devastatingly negative effects that outweigh the pluses. While short on solutions, the book is especially indispensable for parents and educators alike. As a member of the latter group, I can say that this book exposed in stark detail the outlines of a very real problem that I dismissed for most of my career.
June 30, 2023
Reading this book was quite an experience, so hopefully you will find this review helpful or interesting.
The fist thing I have to say is that the lack of bibliography about this topic is sad. I have been looking for a book that covered this topics, but although we have tons for traumas, there’s very little on bullying, which shows how poorly is taken into consideration as well as how little is done or understood. I was really glad of coming across this one and relieved that I could find it, even if I had to specially order it.
The other thing is that while I was reading this book, I find myself analyzing a lot of the actitudes and actions I have in my current day to day. I always knew that bullying in primary and high school had a huge impact on me and how I connect with others, but even trough I feel like I already knew what was being described, I found several times of eureka; explanations if you want to things I felt were isolated or maybe connected with other traumatic experiences. It was also very curious that I keep adding posts it on the pages to indicate “this happened to me” or even random memories that crossed my mind. That being said, is a recommended book but with caution. I have spend several years of my life in therapy and according to my therapist I’m very self aware of the processes that happen on my mind, so I was sort of prepared to revisit some of the stories told here. That might not be the case of people who are still repressing it, so be careful if it’s something that triggers you. In any case, there isn’t much detail on the events, which I think is both a good and not so good thing. Is good because people can read this book without a high risk of getting triggered, but a bit not good because if someone who didn’t experience this stuff reads it, might still not fully understand the deepens on the emotions of the victims.
My next point might or might not be connected with this previous paragraph. I recently found myself reading way more that I have done my entire life, and I was feeling very proud of making time and forcing myself to get out of the house to read more. Before this book I had a very steady pattern of around a book per week. However, while engaging with this one, I find myself being distracted by so many external nuisances and not picking it up as I did with other books, which makes me think if maybe it was a sort of reaction on revisiting old scars.
There’s another reason why that might have happened tho. The reason I think might have affected is the way it’s written. Is a bit anti climatic. The writer relies a lot on short sentences. Just as what I’m doing now.
You might agree that I could have used connectors or other punctuation strategies, and that’s what I felt while reading some of the paragraphs, which also are quite repetitive not only on the words that are used but also in the conclusions that are presented. Is not bad as to affect the contents of the book but I couldn’t help but noticing it, although it might be because it’s a sort of technical book that might be used as study material.
Another thing that didn’t quite felt good is how many of the described experiences contained a sort of moral expressed by the participants. I wonder if someone would read those paragraphs and jump to conclusions such as “see, wasn’t that bad” or “oh, but you learned to stand up for yourself” or similar. This might just be me, but I fear that inexperienced readers might come to the conclusion that this experiences are just something that happens, because as a “survivor” of bullying, I can tell you that there are huge scars that seriously affect willingness to keep on or drives us to severe depression and anxiety. Just in case for the record, these experiences are serious stuff that could push someone to leave this world, and the author makes a good job highlighting it, but I wonder if the participants really believe that they’re so “over it” as they mention.
Besides those details, is a book that I would recommend specially to people who want to understand more about how bullying count as much as a traumatic experience as any of the more famous ones. If you went trough this, you will find yourself identified and it might help you to analyze yourself a little bit more accurately.
The fist thing I have to say is that the lack of bibliography about this topic is sad. I have been looking for a book that covered this topics, but although we have tons for traumas, there’s very little on bullying, which shows how poorly is taken into consideration as well as how little is done or understood. I was really glad of coming across this one and relieved that I could find it, even if I had to specially order it.
The other thing is that while I was reading this book, I find myself analyzing a lot of the actitudes and actions I have in my current day to day. I always knew that bullying in primary and high school had a huge impact on me and how I connect with others, but even trough I feel like I already knew what was being described, I found several times of eureka; explanations if you want to things I felt were isolated or maybe connected with other traumatic experiences. It was also very curious that I keep adding posts it on the pages to indicate “this happened to me” or even random memories that crossed my mind. That being said, is a recommended book but with caution. I have spend several years of my life in therapy and according to my therapist I’m very self aware of the processes that happen on my mind, so I was sort of prepared to revisit some of the stories told here. That might not be the case of people who are still repressing it, so be careful if it’s something that triggers you. In any case, there isn’t much detail on the events, which I think is both a good and not so good thing. Is good because people can read this book without a high risk of getting triggered, but a bit not good because if someone who didn’t experience this stuff reads it, might still not fully understand the deepens on the emotions of the victims.
My next point might or might not be connected with this previous paragraph. I recently found myself reading way more that I have done my entire life, and I was feeling very proud of making time and forcing myself to get out of the house to read more. Before this book I had a very steady pattern of around a book per week. However, while engaging with this one, I find myself being distracted by so many external nuisances and not picking it up as I did with other books, which makes me think if maybe it was a sort of reaction on revisiting old scars.
There’s another reason why that might have happened tho. The reason I think might have affected is the way it’s written. Is a bit anti climatic. The writer relies a lot on short sentences. Just as what I’m doing now.
You might agree that I could have used connectors or other punctuation strategies, and that’s what I felt while reading some of the paragraphs, which also are quite repetitive not only on the words that are used but also in the conclusions that are presented. Is not bad as to affect the contents of the book but I couldn’t help but noticing it, although it might be because it’s a sort of technical book that might be used as study material.
Another thing that didn’t quite felt good is how many of the described experiences contained a sort of moral expressed by the participants. I wonder if someone would read those paragraphs and jump to conclusions such as “see, wasn’t that bad” or “oh, but you learned to stand up for yourself” or similar. This might just be me, but I fear that inexperienced readers might come to the conclusion that this experiences are just something that happens, because as a “survivor” of bullying, I can tell you that there are huge scars that seriously affect willingness to keep on or drives us to severe depression and anxiety. Just in case for the record, these experiences are serious stuff that could push someone to leave this world, and the author makes a good job highlighting it, but I wonder if the participants really believe that they’re so “over it” as they mention.
Besides those details, is a book that I would recommend specially to people who want to understand more about how bullying count as much as a traumatic experience as any of the more famous ones. If you went trough this, you will find yourself identified and it might help you to analyze yourself a little bit more accurately.
August 17, 2021
This academic study exposes the long-term impact of childhood bullying, revealing how even after victims grow up and leave the context where they were bullied, their experiences still take an emotional, physical, and relational toll. The study almost exclusively focuses on bullying in a school context, but also addresses bullying within family systems and the occasional overlap between the two contexts.
The study involves a diverse group of people, and the author shares case studies and personal narratives that represent a wide range of backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. The book addresses particular vulnerabilities for kids who are overweight, LGBT, or from a racial minority background, but the author also includes counterpoint stories to illustrate the pervasive and often inescapable nature of bullying. She includes stories about children who were bullied for their thinness, for example, or who were bullied for being white in a majority-non-white school. Also, even though she writes frequently about athletes as perpetrators, she also addresses their particular vulnerabilities to adult harassment in school environments.
One thing that I particularly appreciated about this book is how the author tried to give a broad, sweeping view of the issue of bullying, instead of focusing on the types of dynamics that people bring into books about a specific other social issue. I'm used to reading about bullying dynamics for a particular interest group, but this was the whole picture, as best as anyone could portray it in a single book. This book covers an astonishing number of questions, issues, and dynamics, and does so in an even-handed, data-driven way, while also being deeply empathetic.
The author includes lots of different real-life examples, shares both quantitative and qualitative research, and addresses concerns for everybody, not just a particular group. The aspect of the book that I valued the most is the coverage of sexual harassment as an issue for both girls and boys, who are commonly victimized by both peers and teachers. This book provides hard data and personal stories from a number of vantage points related to this issue, and I found it very refreshing to read about how this issue affects male students, who are often invisible in discussions that focus on sexual harassment as a feminist issue.
This is very much an academic book, so someone who was bullied as a child may or may not find it helpful for dealing with their individual circumstances. The book can be dry at times, and it primarily focuses on diagnosing problems, not providing solutions for adults who are dealing with the ongoing consequences of childhood victimization. However, someone who struggles to validate their own suffering or explain it to other people may find this very helpful, since it provides clear language and examples for taking this issue seriously, understanding its impacts, and advocating for victims. I would primarily recommend this book to school officials and the psychiatric community, especially those who are involved in mental health care and need a deeper understanding of bullying as a form of long-lasting trauma.
The study involves a diverse group of people, and the author shares case studies and personal narratives that represent a wide range of backgrounds, experiences, and viewpoints. The book addresses particular vulnerabilities for kids who are overweight, LGBT, or from a racial minority background, but the author also includes counterpoint stories to illustrate the pervasive and often inescapable nature of bullying. She includes stories about children who were bullied for their thinness, for example, or who were bullied for being white in a majority-non-white school. Also, even though she writes frequently about athletes as perpetrators, she also addresses their particular vulnerabilities to adult harassment in school environments.
One thing that I particularly appreciated about this book is how the author tried to give a broad, sweeping view of the issue of bullying, instead of focusing on the types of dynamics that people bring into books about a specific other social issue. I'm used to reading about bullying dynamics for a particular interest group, but this was the whole picture, as best as anyone could portray it in a single book. This book covers an astonishing number of questions, issues, and dynamics, and does so in an even-handed, data-driven way, while also being deeply empathetic.
The author includes lots of different real-life examples, shares both quantitative and qualitative research, and addresses concerns for everybody, not just a particular group. The aspect of the book that I valued the most is the coverage of sexual harassment as an issue for both girls and boys, who are commonly victimized by both peers and teachers. This book provides hard data and personal stories from a number of vantage points related to this issue, and I found it very refreshing to read about how this issue affects male students, who are often invisible in discussions that focus on sexual harassment as a feminist issue.
This is very much an academic book, so someone who was bullied as a child may or may not find it helpful for dealing with their individual circumstances. The book can be dry at times, and it primarily focuses on diagnosing problems, not providing solutions for adults who are dealing with the ongoing consequences of childhood victimization. However, someone who struggles to validate their own suffering or explain it to other people may find this very helpful, since it provides clear language and examples for taking this issue seriously, understanding its impacts, and advocating for victims. I would primarily recommend this book to school officials and the psychiatric community, especially those who are involved in mental health care and need a deeper understanding of bullying as a form of long-lasting trauma.
January 10, 2022
I read this as a survivor of severe peer abuse myself. Put it this way… While I have experienced multiple other traumas aside from peer abuse, I can say without a doubt that the peer abuse affected me the worst of any of it- worse than any of the one-off events and even some of the early childhood stuff, although being "othered" because of some of the early childhood stuff was a contributing factor in the peer abuse. You will note that I prefer the term peer abuse to bullying (though might switch to bullying for brevity's sake) because often, the connotations of the word bullying make people shrug off the trauma it inflicts. If it were a parent, guardian, spouse, partner, or an adult versus child, after all, it would be called physical, verbal, mental, sexual or emotional abuse.
How much of myself I can see in the bits on post-bullying syndrome is rather alarmingly close to home. Anger- I’d be lying if I claimed I’ve never had lash-out moments. Shame manifesting as arrogance- well, arrogance is a good cover to come across as disaffected. Guarded, yes… if someone unfriends or unfollows me, I won’t chase them, I let them go, I won’t initiate contact, I won’t try to re-add them- I’ve had more than enough of pain and rejection.
My one huge annoyance is that this book seems to perpetuate the idea that kids that are “behind” on social skills, thus implying that they are in some way at fault. Even if victim-blaming is not the intent, saying there is some kind of “deficit” that led to bullying still comes off as victim-blaming. For admittedly anecdotal evidence, I never had difficulty making friends when I attended summer camp. Even the one time a bully from my school unfortunately was in my cabin and sabotaged my efforts in that cabin, I still made a bunch of friends in another cabin. My friends and I worked together to get me switched to the cabin that we argued was a “better fit” for me. In my opinion, the idea that “lack of social skills causes one to be selected for bullying” ignores the roles that larger societal issues such as classism, ableism, sexism, racism, homophobia, biphobia, acephobia, transphobia, aversions to people being anything other than “normal” weight and the like play. I cannot think of a single thing I was bullied for that wasn’t linked to either classism or sexism. Furthermore, if it was anything to do with “social skills,” I would have had difficulty making friends at summer camp- and yet I did not! Nobody knew I was poor at summer camp, and I had not been marked as a pariah by teachers with classist attitudes; that was the difference.
To the credit of this book, however, at least the book acknowledges the "chicken versus egg" sort of situation with social skills as an adult and bullying, and to a degree acknowledges the fact that years of victimization and abuse can damage a person's socialization abilities as an adult owing to avoidant, aggressive, "freezing" and/or people-pleasing behaviors born of trauma.
How much of myself I can see in the bits on post-bullying syndrome is rather alarmingly close to home. Anger- I’d be lying if I claimed I’ve never had lash-out moments. Shame manifesting as arrogance- well, arrogance is a good cover to come across as disaffected. Guarded, yes… if someone unfriends or unfollows me, I won’t chase them, I let them go, I won’t initiate contact, I won’t try to re-add them- I’ve had more than enough of pain and rejection.
My one huge annoyance is that this book seems to perpetuate the idea that kids that are “behind” on social skills, thus implying that they are in some way at fault. Even if victim-blaming is not the intent, saying there is some kind of “deficit” that led to bullying still comes off as victim-blaming. For admittedly anecdotal evidence, I never had difficulty making friends when I attended summer camp. Even the one time a bully from my school unfortunately was in my cabin and sabotaged my efforts in that cabin, I still made a bunch of friends in another cabin. My friends and I worked together to get me switched to the cabin that we argued was a “better fit” for me. In my opinion, the idea that “lack of social skills causes one to be selected for bullying” ignores the roles that larger societal issues such as classism, ableism, sexism, racism, homophobia, biphobia, acephobia, transphobia, aversions to people being anything other than “normal” weight and the like play. I cannot think of a single thing I was bullied for that wasn’t linked to either classism or sexism. Furthermore, if it was anything to do with “social skills,” I would have had difficulty making friends at summer camp- and yet I did not! Nobody knew I was poor at summer camp, and I had not been marked as a pariah by teachers with classist attitudes; that was the difference.
To the credit of this book, however, at least the book acknowledges the "chicken versus egg" sort of situation with social skills as an adult and bullying, and to a degree acknowledges the fact that years of victimization and abuse can damage a person's socialization abilities as an adult owing to avoidant, aggressive, "freezing" and/or people-pleasing behaviors born of trauma.
March 20, 2021
Having experienced severe bullying in my childhood this book jumped out at me when I saw it recommended in a counselling thread in a group I am part of. Professionally I found it full of information about the research that has been done with lots of references for further research should I feel inclined to find out more. On a personal level it high-lighted for me both the negative effects bullying can have on a person but also, surprisingly perhaps, the positive effects participants in the research felt that having been bullied had taught them.
Well worth a read whether you were bullied or not but especially for parents and professionals who work with children and adolescents.
Well worth a read whether you were bullied or not but especially for parents and professionals who work with children and adolescents.
July 12, 2022
Very important book for mental health professionals and educators alike
June 14, 2025
In her book Bullying Scars Ellen Walser deLara asserts that bullying suffered as a child and/or teenager can leave wounds that have harmful psychological effects throughout life.
Ellen Walser deLara writes:
“During the course of several years I have had the privilege to interview over 800 people at various stages of life. They ranged in age from 18 to 65. Males constituted about a quarter of all participants, females the other three quarters. Approximately 70% were Caucasians.”
I wonder why a smaller percentage of men were interviewed. Elsewhere in her book deLara points out that girls who are bullied have their feelings hurt, but they are rarely harmed physically. With boys bullying frequently does result in being beaten up.
Because bullying is ubiquitous across many nations and races an instinctive explanation is called for. deLaura provides one by saying that the victims of bullies are regarded as different, and that eccentrics can harm the cohesion of a group.
In my case the only thing different about me was that I was not skilled at sports and fighting. I dealt with that problem by working out with weights and taking karate lessons. Eventually the bullies left me alone. In my senior year, when my gym class was in weight training, I demonstrated that I was stronger than the high school quarterback, who was taller and heavier than I was. This meant nothing. I could not pass a football to save my life. Nevertheless, it felt good.
My method of dealing with bullies is not available to all boys who are bullied. Genes limit our aspirations. Many bullies’ victims lack the athletic aptitude to ever develop the ability to defeat their tormenters in fist fights. This is why school authorities, and if need be law enforcement agencies, should do what they can to suppress bullying, especially if it results in violence.
In my senior year in high school I developed the ability to say spontaneous witticisms in class that made the class laugh. These witticisms were clean, and at no one’s expense. This should have healed the wounds I suffered earlier from bullying.
Unfortunately it did not. In my early adulthood I developed what Karen Horney diagnosed as neurotic detachment. The detached neurotic has the attitude, “They won’t like me, so I will avoid them.” In her book deLara writes that many bullies’ victims adopt this attitude. Neurotic detachment resembles introversion, but introversion is rarely pathological. Introverts enjoy solitude or the company of a close friend, but they are usually able to respond adequately to social situations if they are required to do so. The detached neurotic often wants to be sociable, but he does not know how to be, and he is afraid to try.
Neurotic detachment is dysfunctional for two reasons. First, by avoiding people the detached neurotic does not learn what kinds of behavior are appropriate in various situations. This makes it difficult for him to develop social understanding and the social skills that depend on social understanding. Second, people are likely to think this of a detached neurotic, “He avoids us because the thinks he is too good for our company.”
I decided to become my own therapist. Neurosis is a Painful Style of Living, by Samuel I. Greenberg,
explained neurotic detachment to me, and introduced me to the writing of Karen Horney, who discussed it at greater length.
I also read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. I review it for Amazon here.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-re...
I have read a lot of Carl G. Jung, and found his essay “General Description of the Types” to be useful. According to his eight part classification, I am an introverted thinking type.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-re...
Doctors Greenberg, Horney, and Jung were very helpful, but none of them dealt with the causes of neurosis. deLara wrote that it has only been beginning in the 1980’s that psychiatrists and psychologists have studied the effect bullying has on the development of neurosis.
With the help of these books I gradually began to step out of my comfort zone, increasing the size of my comfort zone. I have read that a person’s personality is usually established by the time he is in his forties. In my forties I developed a personality that enabled me to be liked by people with whom I did not have any thing obviously in common. This is an ability I conspicuously lacked when I was younger. Some people never develop it.
My method is fairly simple. I am careful about what I say to someone I do not know well; when talking to such a person I do much more listening than talking. I try to ask questions the other person will enjoy answering; I am sensitive to the emotions of others; and I am a sympathetic listener to anyone who wants to talk with me. Nearly everyone who knows me likes me. Nevertheless, I think I would have achieved more in life if I had not been bullied in my early teens.
.
Ellen Walser deLara writes:
“During the course of several years I have had the privilege to interview over 800 people at various stages of life. They ranged in age from 18 to 65. Males constituted about a quarter of all participants, females the other three quarters. Approximately 70% were Caucasians.”
I wonder why a smaller percentage of men were interviewed. Elsewhere in her book deLara points out that girls who are bullied have their feelings hurt, but they are rarely harmed physically. With boys bullying frequently does result in being beaten up.
Because bullying is ubiquitous across many nations and races an instinctive explanation is called for. deLaura provides one by saying that the victims of bullies are regarded as different, and that eccentrics can harm the cohesion of a group.
In my case the only thing different about me was that I was not skilled at sports and fighting. I dealt with that problem by working out with weights and taking karate lessons. Eventually the bullies left me alone. In my senior year, when my gym class was in weight training, I demonstrated that I was stronger than the high school quarterback, who was taller and heavier than I was. This meant nothing. I could not pass a football to save my life. Nevertheless, it felt good.
My method of dealing with bullies is not available to all boys who are bullied. Genes limit our aspirations. Many bullies’ victims lack the athletic aptitude to ever develop the ability to defeat their tormenters in fist fights. This is why school authorities, and if need be law enforcement agencies, should do what they can to suppress bullying, especially if it results in violence.
In my senior year in high school I developed the ability to say spontaneous witticisms in class that made the class laugh. These witticisms were clean, and at no one’s expense. This should have healed the wounds I suffered earlier from bullying.
Unfortunately it did not. In my early adulthood I developed what Karen Horney diagnosed as neurotic detachment. The detached neurotic has the attitude, “They won’t like me, so I will avoid them.” In her book deLara writes that many bullies’ victims adopt this attitude. Neurotic detachment resembles introversion, but introversion is rarely pathological. Introverts enjoy solitude or the company of a close friend, but they are usually able to respond adequately to social situations if they are required to do so. The detached neurotic often wants to be sociable, but he does not know how to be, and he is afraid to try.
Neurotic detachment is dysfunctional for two reasons. First, by avoiding people the detached neurotic does not learn what kinds of behavior are appropriate in various situations. This makes it difficult for him to develop social understanding and the social skills that depend on social understanding. Second, people are likely to think this of a detached neurotic, “He avoids us because the thinks he is too good for our company.”
I decided to become my own therapist. Neurosis is a Painful Style of Living, by Samuel I. Greenberg,
explained neurotic detachment to me, and introduced me to the writing of Karen Horney, who discussed it at greater length.
I also read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People. I review it for Amazon here.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-re...
I have read a lot of Carl G. Jung, and found his essay “General Description of the Types” to be useful. According to his eight part classification, I am an introverted thinking type.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/customer-re...
Doctors Greenberg, Horney, and Jung were very helpful, but none of them dealt with the causes of neurosis. deLara wrote that it has only been beginning in the 1980’s that psychiatrists and psychologists have studied the effect bullying has on the development of neurosis.
With the help of these books I gradually began to step out of my comfort zone, increasing the size of my comfort zone. I have read that a person’s personality is usually established by the time he is in his forties. In my forties I developed a personality that enabled me to be liked by people with whom I did not have any thing obviously in common. This is an ability I conspicuously lacked when I was younger. Some people never develop it.
My method is fairly simple. I am careful about what I say to someone I do not know well; when talking to such a person I do much more listening than talking. I try to ask questions the other person will enjoy answering; I am sensitive to the emotions of others; and I am a sympathetic listener to anyone who wants to talk with me. Nearly everyone who knows me likes me. Nevertheless, I think I would have achieved more in life if I had not been bullied in my early teens.
.
March 4, 2017
This is not a self help book. The author conducted a study of people who were bullied as children. She also quotes quite a bit from other studies. With these sources, she explains the effect of bullying on the lives of the studied adults, and comes up with some conclusions regarding those effects. I think others in the psychological field would benefit more from this book than the layman who might be looking for help with his own life. However, I did feel some similarity with the subject of the study -- and the outcomes matched some of my own experiences. That was a positive for me in reading this book.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews