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The Bridge Ladies
A fifty-year-old bridge game, and the secrets it held, provides an unexpected way to cross the generational divide between the author and her mother: Betsy Lerner takes us on an intimate and powerfully personal literary journey where we learn a little about bridge and a lot about life.
After a lifetime of defining herself against her mother’s Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell generation, Betsy Lerner, a poster child for the Sex-Drugs-and-Rock ’n’ Roll generation, finds herself back in her childhood home of New Haven, Connecticut, not five miles from the mother she spent a lifetime avoiding. When Roz needs help after surgery, it falls to Betsy to take care of her. She expected a week of tense civility; what she got instead were the Bridge Ladies. Impressed with their loyalty, she realized her generation was lacking. Facebook was great, but it wouldn’t deliver a pot roast.
Tentatively at first, Betsy becomes a regular fixture at her mother’s Monday Bridge Club. Before long, she braves the intimidating world of Bridge and comes under its spell. But it is through her friendships with the ladies that she is finally able face years of misunderstandings and family tragedy. The Bridge Ladies become a Greek chorus, a catalyst for change between mother and daughter.
By turns darkly funny and deeply moving, The Bridge Ladies brilliantly weaves the stories of the Bridge Ladies, along with those of Betsy and her mother across a lifetime of missed opportunities. The result is an unforgettable and profound journey into a hard-won—but never-too-late—bond between mother and daughter.
After a lifetime of defining herself against her mother’s Don’t-Ask-Don’t-Tell generation, Betsy Lerner, a poster child for the Sex-Drugs-and-Rock ’n’ Roll generation, finds herself back in her childhood home of New Haven, Connecticut, not five miles from the mother she spent a lifetime avoiding. When Roz needs help after surgery, it falls to Betsy to take care of her. She expected a week of tense civility; what she got instead were the Bridge Ladies. Impressed with their loyalty, she realized her generation was lacking. Facebook was great, but it wouldn’t deliver a pot roast.
Tentatively at first, Betsy becomes a regular fixture at her mother’s Monday Bridge Club. Before long, she braves the intimidating world of Bridge and comes under its spell. But it is through her friendships with the ladies that she is finally able face years of misunderstandings and family tragedy. The Bridge Ladies become a Greek chorus, a catalyst for change between mother and daughter.
By turns darkly funny and deeply moving, The Bridge Ladies brilliantly weaves the stories of the Bridge Ladies, along with those of Betsy and her mother across a lifetime of missed opportunities. The result is an unforgettable and profound journey into a hard-won—but never-too-late—bond between mother and daughter.
299 pages, Hardcover
First published May 3, 2016
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November 4, 2020
Library overdrive...audiobook...read by Orlaugh Cassidy
Wanting a lightweight ... but engaging walking-audio-companion while in the ‘thrones-of-thought’ about our current election....
and having just read a deeper historical gut wrenching & mentally compelling autography ....”The World of Yesterday”, by Stefan Zweig....
I picked “The Bridge Ladies”, by Betsy Lerner.
I enjoyed it tremendously. This memoir not only has great humor, wonderful nostalgic descriptions, ( if you’re my age), a little education about Bridge, ( and why people play), but it’s a tribute to women’s friendships, and manages to be substantially compelling at the same time.
At the heart of “The Bridge Ladies”, is the authors quest to restore-even revolutionize (as preposterous as that sounds), her relationship with her mother. ...and ‘ta-da’: success! I WAS INSPIRED....( ha, wanting a little more health and restoration with my first born daughter).
But even if you have the best relationship with your mother in the world, have or have not played Bridge....are not Jewish, ( I forgot to mention everyone is Jewish in this book)....
This book was VERY WELL WRITTEN.....with TONS of HEART.
I am Jewish.....and no buffs-about it.....this is a very Jewish tale.
I enjoyed the kibitzing, the stories learned from each of these 80+ year old ladies ( friends for 50 years that were always bed and roses), and the deeper personal issues between Betsy and her mother.
We get a clear look at a generation/ and culture ( very familiar to many of us at a certain age), .....and it’s simply enjoyable!
My heart has especially grew for the author: *Betsy Lerner*. Some of us ....( I’m sure I’m not the only one).... would love to hug her and thank her.
There was a time in life when life looked very much like Betsy described.
Of course I thought of my own mother. I remember the night before my father died, like yesterday.
Mom was playing cards..( it wasn’t Bridge when I was four....but she did play Bridge later in my life).
Candy bowls were always at these card-gatherings. ( ha...my sneaking the candies at such a young age is where my sweet tooth started).
I had happy memories watching my mother with her friends...
In our case....my dad was playing too. They were playing with my aunts and uncles. ( dad’s brother).
The extended family poker gathering took place at our house once a week. Coffee and coffee cake served too.
I kissed everyone goodnight - that last night. The relatives all said how cute I was in my feet pajamas. Off to bed I went feeling loved.
The next morning when I woke up, early morning, our house was filled with people everywhere.
For weeks people kept bringing food, dolls for me and my sister.....
but those games ended.
Years later ....my mom and her sister had ‘all night’ ( no sleep at all) marathon card games of Spite & Malice. They smoked like chimneys...sometimes yelled at each other....but it was also nice to wake in the morning and see them at it.
Later...my mother became a serious Bridge player....but I was older and busy with my own life not paying much attention at the time.
I asked Paul if would like to learn play Bridge together? He could be my partner.
We used to play hearts with another couple for years.
Paul said....”sure”.
Will we really do it? Not sure...we’d need some lessons ...♣️♥️♠️♦️
But I like this type of ‘friendship gathering’ ....playing cards and eating candies sounds heaven to me about now.
If you like stories like “Steel Magnolias”.... then there is a great chance you might enjoy “Bridge Ladies”.
I did a little reading about Betsy Lerner. Besides enjoying drinking diet orange crush 😊.... she is a recipient of the Thomas Wolfe Poetry Prize, a Tony Godwin Prize for editors, and was selected as one of PEN’s emerging writers.
I LIKE THIS WOMAN. I’d love to read something else she writes.
Last words from me:
( chatty here the day after Election Day)....
isn’t it a treat to simply enjoy a book - for whatever reason?
Off for a walk now....love, peace, happiness, and good health to the community on Goodreads!!!!
Wanting a lightweight ... but engaging walking-audio-companion while in the ‘thrones-of-thought’ about our current election....
and having just read a deeper historical gut wrenching & mentally compelling autography ....”The World of Yesterday”, by Stefan Zweig....
I picked “The Bridge Ladies”, by Betsy Lerner.
I enjoyed it tremendously. This memoir not only has great humor, wonderful nostalgic descriptions, ( if you’re my age), a little education about Bridge, ( and why people play), but it’s a tribute to women’s friendships, and manages to be substantially compelling at the same time.
At the heart of “The Bridge Ladies”, is the authors quest to restore-even revolutionize (as preposterous as that sounds), her relationship with her mother. ...and ‘ta-da’: success! I WAS INSPIRED....( ha, wanting a little more health and restoration with my first born daughter).
But even if you have the best relationship with your mother in the world, have or have not played Bridge....are not Jewish, ( I forgot to mention everyone is Jewish in this book)....
This book was VERY WELL WRITTEN.....with TONS of HEART.
I am Jewish.....and no buffs-about it.....this is a very Jewish tale.
I enjoyed the kibitzing, the stories learned from each of these 80+ year old ladies ( friends for 50 years that were always bed and roses), and the deeper personal issues between Betsy and her mother.
We get a clear look at a generation/ and culture ( very familiar to many of us at a certain age), .....and it’s simply enjoyable!
My heart has especially grew for the author: *Betsy Lerner*. Some of us ....( I’m sure I’m not the only one).... would love to hug her and thank her.
There was a time in life when life looked very much like Betsy described.
Of course I thought of my own mother. I remember the night before my father died, like yesterday.
Mom was playing cards..( it wasn’t Bridge when I was four....but she did play Bridge later in my life).
Candy bowls were always at these card-gatherings. ( ha...my sneaking the candies at such a young age is where my sweet tooth started).
I had happy memories watching my mother with her friends...
In our case....my dad was playing too. They were playing with my aunts and uncles. ( dad’s brother).
The extended family poker gathering took place at our house once a week. Coffee and coffee cake served too.
I kissed everyone goodnight - that last night. The relatives all said how cute I was in my feet pajamas. Off to bed I went feeling loved.
The next morning when I woke up, early morning, our house was filled with people everywhere.
For weeks people kept bringing food, dolls for me and my sister.....
but those games ended.
Years later ....my mom and her sister had ‘all night’ ( no sleep at all) marathon card games of Spite & Malice. They smoked like chimneys...sometimes yelled at each other....but it was also nice to wake in the morning and see them at it.
Later...my mother became a serious Bridge player....but I was older and busy with my own life not paying much attention at the time.
I asked Paul if would like to learn play Bridge together? He could be my partner.
We used to play hearts with another couple for years.
Paul said....”sure”.
Will we really do it? Not sure...we’d need some lessons ...♣️♥️♠️♦️
But I like this type of ‘friendship gathering’ ....playing cards and eating candies sounds heaven to me about now.
If you like stories like “Steel Magnolias”.... then there is a great chance you might enjoy “Bridge Ladies”.
I did a little reading about Betsy Lerner. Besides enjoying drinking diet orange crush 😊.... she is a recipient of the Thomas Wolfe Poetry Prize, a Tony Godwin Prize for editors, and was selected as one of PEN’s emerging writers.
I LIKE THIS WOMAN. I’d love to read something else she writes.
Last words from me:
( chatty here the day after Election Day)....
isn’t it a treat to simply enjoy a book - for whatever reason?
Off for a walk now....love, peace, happiness, and good health to the community on Goodreads!!!!
June 14, 2016
"How many Jewish grandmothers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You shouldn't worry....I'll sit in the dark."
This is a book about being a child, a parent, or a grandparent; it's about aging, not always with dignity and light; and it's about a bridge club of five Jewish ladies, who have been playing together for more than 50 years. It's the examination of the old mother-daughter conflict and coming to peace with who we (and our parents) are.
Betsy Lerner tells the story of her mother's bridge club and the women who have come together once a week for lunch and bridge for five decades. Remarkable, truly. Yet it's also this group that gives Lerner insight into her own anxiety-producing relationship with her own mother. (Is she always criticizing, or am I, her daughter, too sensitive to her suggestions? Who hasn't been there?)
It's a book that's heartfelt and beautifully written, enjoyable in every way possible. For me, it called up memories of my own mother and her "card parties" when I was a child, something I haven't thought about in years, my mother having died more than 30 years ago. Perhaps that's what made the book so very special to me. Yet, I think most people will relate to what Lerner has to offer here, even if they aren't Jewish or their mothers never played cards.
The beautiful portraits of these bridge ladies are a joy unto themselves, and a lesson to us all about how to fill our lives with small pleasures, service, meaning, and friendship. It might even make readers want to learn bridge, a game once so popular in the US that as Lerner notes, it was "once the HBO of its day."
Bridge, obviously, is the metaphor for something bigger. What's guaranteed here is that whatever the reader takes away from this book will likely be very personal indeed.
This is a book about being a child, a parent, or a grandparent; it's about aging, not always with dignity and light; and it's about a bridge club of five Jewish ladies, who have been playing together for more than 50 years. It's the examination of the old mother-daughter conflict and coming to peace with who we (and our parents) are.
Betsy Lerner tells the story of her mother's bridge club and the women who have come together once a week for lunch and bridge for five decades. Remarkable, truly. Yet it's also this group that gives Lerner insight into her own anxiety-producing relationship with her own mother. (Is she always criticizing, or am I, her daughter, too sensitive to her suggestions? Who hasn't been there?)
It's a book that's heartfelt and beautifully written, enjoyable in every way possible. For me, it called up memories of my own mother and her "card parties" when I was a child, something I haven't thought about in years, my mother having died more than 30 years ago. Perhaps that's what made the book so very special to me. Yet, I think most people will relate to what Lerner has to offer here, even if they aren't Jewish or their mothers never played cards.
The beautiful portraits of these bridge ladies are a joy unto themselves, and a lesson to us all about how to fill our lives with small pleasures, service, meaning, and friendship. It might even make readers want to learn bridge, a game once so popular in the US that as Lerner notes, it was "once the HBO of its day."
Bridge, obviously, is the metaphor for something bigger. What's guaranteed here is that whatever the reader takes away from this book will likely be very personal indeed.
April 29, 2016
I know this book is a memoir, but I think I would have enjoyed it more if it weren't. I loved the stories about The Bridge Ladies. It was interesting reading about their lives then and now, and how different the women's lives were compared to how young women live now. I wish the whole book had been solely about the Bridge Ladies.
But the author wrote a lot about herself. And why shouldn't she? It's her memoir! But I felt the parts about her life annoyed me. She didn't come off as likeable. And I found myself rushing through the parts about how she always went against her mother. I also didn't learn anything about the game of Bridge because it wasn't explained in a way that could help someone have even the slightest idea how to play.
I received this book in a First Reads Giveaway.
But the author wrote a lot about herself. And why shouldn't she? It's her memoir! But I felt the parts about her life annoyed me. She didn't come off as likeable. And I found myself rushing through the parts about how she always went against her mother. I also didn't learn anything about the game of Bridge because it wasn't explained in a way that could help someone have even the slightest idea how to play.
I received this book in a First Reads Giveaway.
April 19, 2016
4.5 stars
Betsy Lerner started out writing a tale about the five Jewish women who made up her mother’s decades-long bridge club group. For three years, she observed their bridge club, interviewed each woman and her children, and set about learning to play bridge to further understand these women. When she began her project, Betsy and her mother had a troubled relationship that had carried over from when she was a teen. As she got to know all of the women better, she also began to view her mother in an altogether new light and set about healing their relationship. She came to understand that while they grew up in a very different time period and seemed a bit old fashioned to her that these women were actually tough, accomplished women who had lived and were continuing to live wonderful lives.
The aspects of the group that fascinated Betsy also intrigued me. While the group meet every Monday for over fifty years, there was so much they chose not to share with each other instead just enjoying the company of each other. I loved getting to know each woman’s story and realizing how different it was to come of age in the 1950’s when getting married and having children was the goal for many women. The world has changed so much since they were young and sometimes it is hard to remember that.
Parts of the book were very sad as Betsy Lerner addressed the issue of aging and how unpleasant it really is. As I deal with similar issues with my parents, those sections really hit home for me.
My favorite part of the book was all of the historical and contemporary references sprinkled throughout from Edith Wharton to The Shining to Fiddler on the Roof to coffee commercials – a few I even had to look up. I also liked that each section of a chapter was separated by spades – a very clever touch for a book about bridge. Since I do not play bridge, I will say that at times the details regarding bridge made those sections drag a bit for me.
I highly recommend this book. Thanks to Shelf Awareness and HarperCollins for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Betsy Lerner started out writing a tale about the five Jewish women who made up her mother’s decades-long bridge club group. For three years, she observed their bridge club, interviewed each woman and her children, and set about learning to play bridge to further understand these women. When she began her project, Betsy and her mother had a troubled relationship that had carried over from when she was a teen. As she got to know all of the women better, she also began to view her mother in an altogether new light and set about healing their relationship. She came to understand that while they grew up in a very different time period and seemed a bit old fashioned to her that these women were actually tough, accomplished women who had lived and were continuing to live wonderful lives.
The aspects of the group that fascinated Betsy also intrigued me. While the group meet every Monday for over fifty years, there was so much they chose not to share with each other instead just enjoying the company of each other. I loved getting to know each woman’s story and realizing how different it was to come of age in the 1950’s when getting married and having children was the goal for many women. The world has changed so much since they were young and sometimes it is hard to remember that.
Parts of the book were very sad as Betsy Lerner addressed the issue of aging and how unpleasant it really is. As I deal with similar issues with my parents, those sections really hit home for me.
My favorite part of the book was all of the historical and contemporary references sprinkled throughout from Edith Wharton to The Shining to Fiddler on the Roof to coffee commercials – a few I even had to look up. I also liked that each section of a chapter was separated by spades – a very clever touch for a book about bridge. Since I do not play bridge, I will say that at times the details regarding bridge made those sections drag a bit for me.
I highly recommend this book. Thanks to Shelf Awareness and HarperCollins for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.
May 29, 2016
I have to give this 5 stars because I really enjoyed the unfolding of this story and because it surprised me in a pleasant way. This was a heartwarming story about a daughter who wanted to know her distant mother better, as well as all the ladies who played bridge with her mom. This book had a strong tie to familial relationships, the Jewish culture, tradition, hardships, love and understanding. The author did a great job with the telling of their different stories and I absolutely loved her descriptive strokes regarding families. She had me saying, "Yes!" several times. She even took lessons on how to play Bridge so that she could understand and get to know these ladies. I really liked this.
February 6, 2017
When life unexpectedly took the middle-aged Lerner back to her hometown of New Haven, Connecticut, she spent several years sitting in on her mother’s weekly bridge games to learn more about these five Jewish octogenarians who have been friends for 50 years and despite their old-fashioned reserve have seen each other through the loss of careers, health, husbands and children. Although Lerner also took bridge lessons herself, this is less about the game and more about her ever-testy relationship with her mother (starting with her rebellious teenage years), the ageing process, and the ways that women of different generations relate to their family and friends. It wouldn’t be exaggerating to say that every mother and daughter should read this; I plan to shove it in my mother’s and sister’s hands the next time I’m in the States.
May 5, 2016
My Rating:
4.5
Favorite Quotes:
“Yes, my mother has told me about Eugene Genovese a hundred times, the Italian boy she had a huge crush on. It's her West Side Story without the snapping.”
“The recipe looks like a panel from the Dead Sea Scrolls: stained many times over with fish grease, darkened with age spots like the back of an older person's hand, annotated with figures for doubling the recipe, and unidentified schmutz... 'Now we take out the eyes,' my mother says with too much gusto. And then without warning she raises a knife, Norman Bates style, and plunges it into the eye of the fish. A wave of nausea moves through me, and I feel like I might faint.”
“When it's Travis's turn to discard, he tilts his seat back, legs spread wide, and flicks a card into the center of the table as if he were an outlaw, gun cocked, ready for a shoot-out on a dusty main street. In other words, the guy's a douche, but I find him fascinating.”
“The house grew quiet when they played a hand, interrupted by chatter when they'd shuffle the cards and deal a new hand. Sometimes they called it 'washing the cards,' and I couldn't help but think of a soapy sink where the cards were submerged, my mother's hands in pink latex gloves washing each one and affixing it to a clothesline with a pin.”
My Review:
Being a memoir, The Bridge Ladies is brimming with insightful self-revelations and memories, some of which squeezed my heart while many provoked smirking and barking aloud from the humorous use of metaphor and juxtapositions. The writing was entertaining and plump with lush descriptions that I could almost taste, see, and feel. Each scene was fully set from the floor to the ceiling with rich and juicy word choices. Being the exact same age as the author, I greatly enjoyed her thoughts, observations, and feelings spanning the different stages and periods of her life, and recalled having identical ideas and chaffing at the same constraints and having similar thoughts and reactions to my own parents at the time; which is rather remarkable given the vast disparity in our geographic locals, religious teachings, and social experiences. It was an eye opener and a wonderful read for a rainy spring day.
4.5
Favorite Quotes:
“Yes, my mother has told me about Eugene Genovese a hundred times, the Italian boy she had a huge crush on. It's her West Side Story without the snapping.”
“The recipe looks like a panel from the Dead Sea Scrolls: stained many times over with fish grease, darkened with age spots like the back of an older person's hand, annotated with figures for doubling the recipe, and unidentified schmutz... 'Now we take out the eyes,' my mother says with too much gusto. And then without warning she raises a knife, Norman Bates style, and plunges it into the eye of the fish. A wave of nausea moves through me, and I feel like I might faint.”
“When it's Travis's turn to discard, he tilts his seat back, legs spread wide, and flicks a card into the center of the table as if he were an outlaw, gun cocked, ready for a shoot-out on a dusty main street. In other words, the guy's a douche, but I find him fascinating.”
“The house grew quiet when they played a hand, interrupted by chatter when they'd shuffle the cards and deal a new hand. Sometimes they called it 'washing the cards,' and I couldn't help but think of a soapy sink where the cards were submerged, my mother's hands in pink latex gloves washing each one and affixing it to a clothesline with a pin.”
My Review:
Being a memoir, The Bridge Ladies is brimming with insightful self-revelations and memories, some of which squeezed my heart while many provoked smirking and barking aloud from the humorous use of metaphor and juxtapositions. The writing was entertaining and plump with lush descriptions that I could almost taste, see, and feel. Each scene was fully set from the floor to the ceiling with rich and juicy word choices. Being the exact same age as the author, I greatly enjoyed her thoughts, observations, and feelings spanning the different stages and periods of her life, and recalled having identical ideas and chaffing at the same constraints and having similar thoughts and reactions to my own parents at the time; which is rather remarkable given the vast disparity in our geographic locals, religious teachings, and social experiences. It was an eye opener and a wonderful read for a rainy spring day.
April 28, 2016
The story of the bridge ladies probably could have been a better book, if someone else had written it. Someone more objective, someone who didn’t feel the need to talk so much about her own life and her own generation. Thus, don’t think for a minute this is strictly a book about a group of elderly Jewish women and the game of bridge, because it’s not. A great deal of it is about literary agent Betsy Lerner’s life, filled with lots of therapy, trauma and drama--the main one apparently being her relationship with her mother. Fortunately, she wisely does not bash her mother, as so many contemporary memoirists have done. She apparently is over the stage of blaming her mother for her unhappiness, and this book is possibly one way of making amends. (Maybe she’s read some of the critical reviews of mommy bashing books, too.)
Unfortunately, however, like some other baby boomers who took drugs, the author seems not to recognize that her drug use may very well have been the cause of many of her long-term psychological problems, not her mother or her insecurities or something genetic. One of Ms. Lerner’s loveliest drug statements in the book was: “I want to blow a thick stream of pot smoke into the face of anyone who thinks the days of wine and roses were preferable to today.” Yeah, and I want to take all the trauma and drama memoirs being published today, especially those about long-term mommy issues, and drop them in front of Ms. Lerner’s face! Maybe then she’ll see that so many of those who write such memoirs are or were alcohol abusers or drug users, including pot smokers; since both drugs and alcohol have a way of making some individuals ferociously cling to their hurt inner child, long after they should have given up doing so. Nothing fuels self-pity like drugs and booze.
But back to bridge and the ladies . . . there’s lots and lots about bridge in the book, including learning how to play it. In fact, most of the bridge talk is about the author learning how to play it. The ladies, though, do share with Ms. Lerner their thoughts about the game, as well as some of their lifetime memories. Not as much of their memories as she would have liked, however. Good for them, since the author so often sounded like a nosy teenager or busybody when asking questions. (In addition, that showed the ladies have a sense of personal privacy, which is so sadly lacking in generations after theirs.) There’s also never-ending description in the book of what people are wearing and what they look like, even though the author fairly accuses her mother and friends of being too obsessed with the physical appearances of others. Why? Why is the author doing the very thing she faults the ladies for doing?
Moreover, no matter how much the author praised the ladies for their lives, friendships and marriages, even calling them “brave”, it so often seemed like she was not totally sincere. She would still repeatedly suggest they were being scared or stupid or stubborn for not embracing modern society as much as she did, like using smart phones or having cable television. She once, too, kiddingly called one of the ladies an obscene name, and decided it was “too soon” to do such a thing in their friendship, when the lady appeared to think what she did was wrong. No, Ms. Lerner, it wasn’t “too soon”. It was wrong. Get it? Probably not.
Finally, when comparing their generation to her generation, the author says towards the end of the book that she wished the ladies had had “our freedom to sleep with different guys before committing to one”, had “pursued careers”, could confide in and hug each other, etc. Could have been more like baby boomers like her? Why? The bridge ladies apparently pulled it all together and kept it all together far sooner and far better than the author, and have done so for far longer. They also had much more time and freedom than most career women to do what they wanted on any given day. Thus, why does Betsy Lerner persist in this book in wanting them to have had a life more like hers? As if they missed something so special.
(Note: I received a free copy of this book from Amazon Vine in exchange for an honest review.)
Unfortunately, however, like some other baby boomers who took drugs, the author seems not to recognize that her drug use may very well have been the cause of many of her long-term psychological problems, not her mother or her insecurities or something genetic. One of Ms. Lerner’s loveliest drug statements in the book was: “I want to blow a thick stream of pot smoke into the face of anyone who thinks the days of wine and roses were preferable to today.” Yeah, and I want to take all the trauma and drama memoirs being published today, especially those about long-term mommy issues, and drop them in front of Ms. Lerner’s face! Maybe then she’ll see that so many of those who write such memoirs are or were alcohol abusers or drug users, including pot smokers; since both drugs and alcohol have a way of making some individuals ferociously cling to their hurt inner child, long after they should have given up doing so. Nothing fuels self-pity like drugs and booze.
But back to bridge and the ladies . . . there’s lots and lots about bridge in the book, including learning how to play it. In fact, most of the bridge talk is about the author learning how to play it. The ladies, though, do share with Ms. Lerner their thoughts about the game, as well as some of their lifetime memories. Not as much of their memories as she would have liked, however. Good for them, since the author so often sounded like a nosy teenager or busybody when asking questions. (In addition, that showed the ladies have a sense of personal privacy, which is so sadly lacking in generations after theirs.) There’s also never-ending description in the book of what people are wearing and what they look like, even though the author fairly accuses her mother and friends of being too obsessed with the physical appearances of others. Why? Why is the author doing the very thing she faults the ladies for doing?
Moreover, no matter how much the author praised the ladies for their lives, friendships and marriages, even calling them “brave”, it so often seemed like she was not totally sincere. She would still repeatedly suggest they were being scared or stupid or stubborn for not embracing modern society as much as she did, like using smart phones or having cable television. She once, too, kiddingly called one of the ladies an obscene name, and decided it was “too soon” to do such a thing in their friendship, when the lady appeared to think what she did was wrong. No, Ms. Lerner, it wasn’t “too soon”. It was wrong. Get it? Probably not.
Finally, when comparing their generation to her generation, the author says towards the end of the book that she wished the ladies had had “our freedom to sleep with different guys before committing to one”, had “pursued careers”, could confide in and hug each other, etc. Could have been more like baby boomers like her? Why? The bridge ladies apparently pulled it all together and kept it all together far sooner and far better than the author, and have done so for far longer. They also had much more time and freedom than most career women to do what they wanted on any given day. Thus, why does Betsy Lerner persist in this book in wanting them to have had a life more like hers? As if they missed something so special.
(Note: I received a free copy of this book from Amazon Vine in exchange for an honest review.)
March 3, 2019
4.5 stars.
I really enjoyed this book. A 40 something woman, Betsy, moves back to her hometown with her family, and needs to navigate her relationship with her 80 year old mother. Her mother has been playing Bridge with 4 of her friends for over 50 years. Betsy starts attending the weekly Monday Bridge game, and starts to get to know her mother, and her friends, all over again. Betsy sees each woman, Bea, Bette, Rhoda and Jackie separately and as part of the Bridge group. Three are widows, one is still married and one has a “gentleman friend”. Betsy eventually learns to play Bridge so as to better understand these women.
Betsy learns about their lives, as well as her mother Roz’s life. It seems that getting to know her mother better is not so easy. Betsy and her mother have had a difficult relationship in the past, at least Betsy thinks so. Roz may be oblivious to Betsy’s distress with her. Or Betsy may just be over dramatic about it. Betsy has been in and out of therapy for most of her life, having suffered from debilitating depression. She finds out that her mother suffered from a severe post-partum depression after the birth of her first child. A child who later died. Roz is reticent to talk about her life, poo-pooing her past troubles. That’s what that generation did. Betsy’s generation talks about everything. Betsy can’t seem to just accept her mother for who she is, faults and all. She also feels that her mother can’t accept her for just who she is, faults and all.
I could relate to so much in this book. Growing up Jewish in a Jewish centered environment; seeing her mother in a whole new light after her father died; all the mannerisms and characteristics of the 5 older women reminded me so much of my aunts and my mother’s friends. Reading the book felt like coming home. There is so much humor in the book. Betsy doesn’t take herself or life events too seriously. The last line in the book is priceless:
“As we head across the parking lot, my mother looks at me, ‘Aren’t you going to button your coat?’ “ This is SO what my own mother would do!
I will say that the chapter describing the death of Betsy’s dad was hard to read, having lost my own dad when I was 29. So many memories of that time came flooding back as I read that chapter, which was right around the anniversary of his passing.
As much as I enjoyed this book and looked forward to picking it up each time, there were things that annoyed me. There was way too much Bridge minutiae. I don’t play the game and although it was important to the people in the book, it was mind numbing as a reader. I also found Betsy to be a bit whiny. Apparently Roz’s style of mothering didn’t suit Betsy. Get over it! How about being a less critical daughter. I could see some of my own mother in Roz, and to some degree I can understand Betsy’s frustration. But she was way past the time when she needed to put on her big girl pants and learn to live with her mother as she was. Her mom is pretty terrific.
Overall, I loved this book! I would definitely recommend it. I miss the Bridge Ladies already.
I really enjoyed this book. A 40 something woman, Betsy, moves back to her hometown with her family, and needs to navigate her relationship with her 80 year old mother. Her mother has been playing Bridge with 4 of her friends for over 50 years. Betsy starts attending the weekly Monday Bridge game, and starts to get to know her mother, and her friends, all over again. Betsy sees each woman, Bea, Bette, Rhoda and Jackie separately and as part of the Bridge group. Three are widows, one is still married and one has a “gentleman friend”. Betsy eventually learns to play Bridge so as to better understand these women.
Betsy learns about their lives, as well as her mother Roz’s life. It seems that getting to know her mother better is not so easy. Betsy and her mother have had a difficult relationship in the past, at least Betsy thinks so. Roz may be oblivious to Betsy’s distress with her. Or Betsy may just be over dramatic about it. Betsy has been in and out of therapy for most of her life, having suffered from debilitating depression. She finds out that her mother suffered from a severe post-partum depression after the birth of her first child. A child who later died. Roz is reticent to talk about her life, poo-pooing her past troubles. That’s what that generation did. Betsy’s generation talks about everything. Betsy can’t seem to just accept her mother for who she is, faults and all. She also feels that her mother can’t accept her for just who she is, faults and all.
I could relate to so much in this book. Growing up Jewish in a Jewish centered environment; seeing her mother in a whole new light after her father died; all the mannerisms and characteristics of the 5 older women reminded me so much of my aunts and my mother’s friends. Reading the book felt like coming home. There is so much humor in the book. Betsy doesn’t take herself or life events too seriously. The last line in the book is priceless:
“As we head across the parking lot, my mother looks at me, ‘Aren’t you going to button your coat?’ “ This is SO what my own mother would do!
I will say that the chapter describing the death of Betsy’s dad was hard to read, having lost my own dad when I was 29. So many memories of that time came flooding back as I read that chapter, which was right around the anniversary of his passing.
As much as I enjoyed this book and looked forward to picking it up each time, there were things that annoyed me. There was way too much Bridge minutiae. I don’t play the game and although it was important to the people in the book, it was mind numbing as a reader. I also found Betsy to be a bit whiny. Apparently Roz’s style of mothering didn’t suit Betsy. Get over it! How about being a less critical daughter. I could see some of my own mother in Roz, and to some degree I can understand Betsy’s frustration. But she was way past the time when she needed to put on her big girl pants and learn to live with her mother as she was. Her mom is pretty terrific.
Overall, I loved this book! I would definitely recommend it. I miss the Bridge Ladies already.
September 8, 2017
The Bridge Ladies is a memoir of Betsy Lerner's time spent getting to know the women of her mother's bridge club. Although she had grown up around these women (the club has gone on for nearly 50 years) she feels that she has not penetrated the emotional heart of the club.
This begins a journey that delves back into the culture of the 1950s, what it means to grow old (at least in the U.S.), and how at least one daughter tries to negotiate (or renegotiate) her adversarial relationship with her mother.
I found The Bridge Ladies touching and absorbing. It brought back many memories of my own of being a child in the 50s and 60s and how much bigger the gap between the adult world and the child or adolescent world was then.
Betsy Lerner always writes well (I love her writing book The Forest for the Trees) and I was captivated by the story. As an older woman, I was both fascinated and dismayed at Lerner's descriptions about aging. I admit, I finished the book feeling very anxious about my upcoming years. But the women Lerner describes have both grace and courage. And although they are guarded about their emotions, they are generous of spirit.
This begins a journey that delves back into the culture of the 1950s, what it means to grow old (at least in the U.S.), and how at least one daughter tries to negotiate (or renegotiate) her adversarial relationship with her mother.
I found The Bridge Ladies touching and absorbing. It brought back many memories of my own of being a child in the 50s and 60s and how much bigger the gap between the adult world and the child or adolescent world was then.
Betsy Lerner always writes well (I love her writing book The Forest for the Trees) and I was captivated by the story. As an older woman, I was both fascinated and dismayed at Lerner's descriptions about aging. I admit, I finished the book feeling very anxious about my upcoming years. But the women Lerner describes have both grace and courage. And although they are guarded about their emotions, they are generous of spirit.
March 15, 2021
A moving tribute to Betsy Lerner’s mother, the group of women with whom she played Bridge over the past fifty years and a testament, perhaps, to an era of etiquette and morés more well-defined than today’s- much like the game of bridge itself. Author Lerner paints an affectionate picture of these ladies, so circumspect in manner, yet delves deeply and with some frustration into how they have retained a sense of social decorum, a quiet respect for each other yet almost rigid boundaries in their personal lives while remaining constant through decades of the rituals of Bridge and the small talk around its periphery.
“Bridge was the HBO of its day. In the 1930s and 1940s, 44 percent of Americans had at least one Bridge player... Matches were broadcast on radio... Enter television. By 1954, more than 80 percent of American households had TV. ...Today, there are approximately three million active Bridge players, which puts the game on par with stamp collecting and fly fishing.”
I’ve had mixed experiences with this “King of Games” myself, having been thrown into the fray at a duplicate card game with little experience, and utterly terrified by the rules, the secret language and no idea of how serious this was- much like being dumped into the deep end of a swimming pool with no lessons. I’d grown up around family groups canoodling around Blackjack, hollering, “Hold’em!”, laughing and joking uproariously - a far cry from the professionalism of this game which didn’t seem like much fun to me! I appreciated author Lerner’s horror stories, as she decided to try to understand this game that her mother had adored for so long- learned in her college dormitory- and wished that my opportunity to learn had been less intimidating.
This is a memoir about Betsy’s mother, a steadfast woman of the generation who abided, who deferred, who accepted... these women also married very well, lived according to an understood social code, did not rebel- and had children who could not understand their “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” attitudes. By beginning to understand the dynamic of the Bridge group itself, Betsy began to understand, appreciate and develop a rapport with her implacable mother, one which had been desperately missing.
Immensely enjoyable, deeply kind and warmly passionate, The Bridge Ladies is a visit worth taking.
Five stars.
“Bridge was the HBO of its day. In the 1930s and 1940s, 44 percent of Americans had at least one Bridge player... Matches were broadcast on radio... Enter television. By 1954, more than 80 percent of American households had TV. ...Today, there are approximately three million active Bridge players, which puts the game on par with stamp collecting and fly fishing.”
I’ve had mixed experiences with this “King of Games” myself, having been thrown into the fray at a duplicate card game with little experience, and utterly terrified by the rules, the secret language and no idea of how serious this was- much like being dumped into the deep end of a swimming pool with no lessons. I’d grown up around family groups canoodling around Blackjack, hollering, “Hold’em!”, laughing and joking uproariously - a far cry from the professionalism of this game which didn’t seem like much fun to me! I appreciated author Lerner’s horror stories, as she decided to try to understand this game that her mother had adored for so long- learned in her college dormitory- and wished that my opportunity to learn had been less intimidating.
This is a memoir about Betsy’s mother, a steadfast woman of the generation who abided, who deferred, who accepted... these women also married very well, lived according to an understood social code, did not rebel- and had children who could not understand their “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” attitudes. By beginning to understand the dynamic of the Bridge group itself, Betsy began to understand, appreciate and develop a rapport with her implacable mother, one which had been desperately missing.
Immensely enjoyable, deeply kind and warmly passionate, The Bridge Ladies is a visit worth taking.
Five stars.
July 3, 2016
This is a charming sociological commentary on the women’s move me as well as relationships between mothers and daughters. Lerner chronicles the hopes and dreams of the bridge participants as well as their habits, including dress and drink. This really is heartfelt at times and humorous. Immensely relatable and enjoyable.
Copy provided by TLC Book Tours and Publisher
Copy provided by TLC Book Tours and Publisher
April 6, 2016
[ARC courtesy Amazon Vine program]
I loved the premise of this book -- a small group of women who get together for a weekly bridge game. For a half-century.
There were occasional flashes of insight that the players shared with the author, Betsy Lerner, who is a daughter of one of the group. The women seem rather stoic, and although they share memories of their young-adult days with Lerner, she seems vaguely disappointed. Initially, she seems bothered by their reserve; later, she second-guesses their choices and motivations in an "is that all there is?" tone. As an outsider looking in, what she portrays as stoic, I see as more reserved/self-effacing, and from some of the women's comments that made it to the manuscript, there was emotional depth to be gathered and relayed.
Lerner also seems to pass judgment on their interlaced friendships as being superficial. I found that disappointing and an odd way for her to repay the generosity her mom's friends showed by allowing her to join in their weekly gatherings in the first place.
This book would have been more effective if Lerner had focused either on the women (and stopped inserting herself into the narrative) or if she had focused on the building of a relationship with her mom -- adult to adult. What we have instead is a book without a clear path.
That said, I found the older women's stories interesting, and wish Lerner had provided more substantive depth. It sounds as though the women (and members of their families) spoke with Lerner on multiple occasions, so there likely were notebooks and/or tapes with material and reminiscences that were not included.
I loved the premise of this book -- a small group of women who get together for a weekly bridge game. For a half-century.
There were occasional flashes of insight that the players shared with the author, Betsy Lerner, who is a daughter of one of the group. The women seem rather stoic, and although they share memories of their young-adult days with Lerner, she seems vaguely disappointed. Initially, she seems bothered by their reserve; later, she second-guesses their choices and motivations in an "is that all there is?" tone. As an outsider looking in, what she portrays as stoic, I see as more reserved/self-effacing, and from some of the women's comments that made it to the manuscript, there was emotional depth to be gathered and relayed.
Lerner also seems to pass judgment on their interlaced friendships as being superficial. I found that disappointing and an odd way for her to repay the generosity her mom's friends showed by allowing her to join in their weekly gatherings in the first place.
This book would have been more effective if Lerner had focused either on the women (and stopped inserting herself into the narrative) or if she had focused on the building of a relationship with her mom -- adult to adult. What we have instead is a book without a clear path.
That said, I found the older women's stories interesting, and wish Lerner had provided more substantive depth. It sounds as though the women (and members of their families) spoke with Lerner on multiple occasions, so there likely were notebooks and/or tapes with material and reminiscences that were not included.
August 7, 2016
I love books about mother/daughter relationships and this book is a winner. The author tells it like it was, the good and the bad.
Her relationship with her mother was strained at times, but when she moves back to be near her mother who needed surgery, she gets to see her as she is with her friends and how they see her when she starts sitting in with her mother’s bridge club ladies.
The book takes you on a journey that many of us would love to go on with our mothers. I know I was close to my mom, but rarely got to spend time with her and her friends. Now I wish I had done it more often.
This book is perfect for all women I think. It’s a quick read and I know I’ll want to pick it up again.
Her relationship with her mother was strained at times, but when she moves back to be near her mother who needed surgery, she gets to see her as she is with her friends and how they see her when she starts sitting in with her mother’s bridge club ladies.
The book takes you on a journey that many of us would love to go on with our mothers. I know I was close to my mom, but rarely got to spend time with her and her friends. Now I wish I had done it more often.
This book is perfect for all women I think. It’s a quick read and I know I’ll want to pick it up again.
May 8, 2016
This book is good I just find myself rarely enjoying memoirs...I most enjoyed reading about The Bridge Ladies less the parts about the author's life.
April 24, 2018
Our Story Circle book group read and enjoyed this--even the non-bridge-players (like me) have high praise for the book. Betsy Lerner manages to sympathetically but honestly depict a generation of ladies who are often criticized for their shallowness and focus on appearance. These are strong women, each in her own way, and Lerner allows us to see both their strengths and their frailties. An excellent mother-daughter memoir, and more.
May 25, 2016
I found the author/narrator hopelessly self-centered and annoying. Nevertheless, she was able to tell this story of some amazing women who were all much more than what they might appear at first glance. I found myself tearing up more than once as I thought about how harshly I judged my own mother when I was in my teens and early twenties. Now on the back side of raising a child, I realize that what my mother did in keeping our household running smoothly was one big, tough job for which I never gave her the credit she was due.
This book has made me do a lot of thinking about how easy it is for us to judge others based on the simplest of facts we may think we know. If we ever had the chance to really learn details, we might discover that people are very different than we first assume.
This book has made me do a lot of thinking about how easy it is for us to judge others based on the simplest of facts we may think we know. If we ever had the chance to really learn details, we might discover that people are very different than we first assume.
February 4, 2019
Beautifully constructed memoir that gives even more care to the story, or the story of the attempt to build a story of the author’s mother, and to the parallel lives and histories of the octogenarians who have plaid bridge with the author’s mother for decades.
This could have been dull, a mess, or self-serving. But it was engaging and self-aware, but at least as other-aware. And it held together as an integrated narrative with well placed suspense far better than some novels I’ve read lately.
This could have been dull, a mess, or self-serving. But it was engaging and self-aware, but at least as other-aware. And it held together as an integrated narrative with well placed suspense far better than some novels I’ve read lately.
April 11, 2016
This is so much more than a book about the bridge ladies. It is about mother daughter relationships, it is about being in the sandwich generation, it is about love and loss. I loved each and everyone of the bridge ladies and I sympathized with the author's relationship with her mother. These ladies were from a different generation and it was a fascinating look at the changes that happened in their lifetime. It also sparked an interest in bridge that I have never had before.
October 13, 2021
Sweet nonfiction read. It brought memories of the older generation in my life.. What a gift they left through the beauty and joy of their unique personalities...
April 18, 2017
I didn't read the description before reading, so I thought it was a novel and here it's nonfiction. It reads like a novel but no ending. (thank goodness!)
Here a daughter (about my age) talks to her mother and her bridge group, which has been going on for 50 years. She thought it would be a venting session each week but it's not--the ladies are formal with each others' personal life as much as the napkin rings and china plates used for the lunch before. They know the details of each other's life, but not the angst. They don't hug for example.
While Lerner makes it out to be Jewish customs I disagree. My mother (we were Presbyterians) acted the same exact way. "What? No china pattern?" "How will you get home from work on time to make dinner?" and the word widow was always preceded by "poor".
My mother passed 6 years ago so this brought up some (funny) memories of the differences in generations.
I don't know anything about bridge, so others may enjoy that part more. Lerner has a good point, it's a great thing to learn before retirement because it's a pastime you can enjoy later.
Here a daughter (about my age) talks to her mother and her bridge group, which has been going on for 50 years. She thought it would be a venting session each week but it's not--the ladies are formal with each others' personal life as much as the napkin rings and china plates used for the lunch before. They know the details of each other's life, but not the angst. They don't hug for example.
While Lerner makes it out to be Jewish customs I disagree. My mother (we were Presbyterians) acted the same exact way. "What? No china pattern?" "How will you get home from work on time to make dinner?" and the word widow was always preceded by "poor".
My mother passed 6 years ago so this brought up some (funny) memories of the differences in generations.
I don't know anything about bridge, so others may enjoy that part more. Lerner has a good point, it's a great thing to learn before retirement because it's a pastime you can enjoy later.
May 27, 2016
The book wasn't what I expected, but I found it very enjoyable. I bought it because I'm a serious bridge lover, and I did get a kick out of watching the author learn to appreciate the game. But more than that, I enjoyed seeing her build a relationship with her mother and learn to appreciate the women of her mother's generation. While their story was quite different from mine, my mother and I had also had issues and I could relate to a lot of what they went through.
October 11, 2020
****Audiobook ****
I really enjoyed this memoir about a daughter’s relationship with her mother AND her Bridge group. Also the narrator was superb!!
4 Stars
I really enjoyed this memoir about a daughter’s relationship with her mother AND her Bridge group. Also the narrator was superb!!
4 Stars
May 23, 2016
The Bridge Ladies is a memoir about a group of ladies who got together every Monday afternoon for 50 years to play bridge. On the surface, it's a book about the game of bridge but in reality it's so much more.
'I disrespected her for only caring about how things looked. I never understood how much there was to hide.' This is one of Betsy's comments about her mom very early in the book. They had a complicated mother daughter relationship. Betsy grew up in the age of women's liberation wanting to pursue a career before marriage. Her mom grew up in the age when getting married and staying married was the goal of every woman. Betsy spent a lot of money in therapy to better understand her mother but it was only by joining her mom's bridge group and learning more about her mom as a person and not as her mother, that she was able to understand how much of her mother's life she knew so little about and that it was these hidden parts that defined the person her mother was.
Even though the central part of this story is about Betsy and her mother, there are also the other four women in the bridge group that Betsy interviews and that we get to know. Through her understanding of the women as individuals and as a group, we get a glimpse into a generation where secrets aren't shared with the world and opinions are kept quiet. It's a wonderful look at the generation that my Mom is part of and reading it gave me some insight into her life.
Thanks Betsy for sharing this book with your readers. I think it will be a great book for mothers and daughters to read together and discuss.
'I disrespected her for only caring about how things looked. I never understood how much there was to hide.' This is one of Betsy's comments about her mom very early in the book. They had a complicated mother daughter relationship. Betsy grew up in the age of women's liberation wanting to pursue a career before marriage. Her mom grew up in the age when getting married and staying married was the goal of every woman. Betsy spent a lot of money in therapy to better understand her mother but it was only by joining her mom's bridge group and learning more about her mom as a person and not as her mother, that she was able to understand how much of her mother's life she knew so little about and that it was these hidden parts that defined the person her mother was.
Even though the central part of this story is about Betsy and her mother, there are also the other four women in the bridge group that Betsy interviews and that we get to know. Through her understanding of the women as individuals and as a group, we get a glimpse into a generation where secrets aren't shared with the world and opinions are kept quiet. It's a wonderful look at the generation that my Mom is part of and reading it gave me some insight into her life.
Thanks Betsy for sharing this book with your readers. I think it will be a great book for mothers and daughters to read together and discuss.
July 27, 2016
The author is the daughter of one of the ladies in a bridge group that played together for many years. She seems to me to lack a basic understanding of the influences that shaped her mother's generation of women as wives and mothers. She reiterates her frustration and disappointment in her mother and the other bridge ladies for choices they did, or did not, make throughout their lives over and over. If you were not rebellious in your youth, if you did not step outside the lines, then yours was not a life well lived. Instead of picking through reasons why these women chose not to do 'better' in these categories, perhaps her time could have been better spent looking for ways to bridge (no pun intended) the gap and appreciate these women for who they were and are.
Lerner draws many comparisons between her parenting style and those if her mother's generation. I found these annoying and self serving. I did enjoy the interview sections but found the sections about bridge playing and its rules interminably boring (as I find playing bridge to be). Were the Bridge Ladies perfect wives and mothers? Certainly not, but they were of a certain time and place. Betsy Lerner, claiming so much more enlightenment, should have known that. She was constantly comparing her generation to theirs, with their generation always coming up lacking.
Lerner draws many comparisons between her parenting style and those if her mother's generation. I found these annoying and self serving. I did enjoy the interview sections but found the sections about bridge playing and its rules interminably boring (as I find playing bridge to be). Were the Bridge Ladies perfect wives and mothers? Certainly not, but they were of a certain time and place. Betsy Lerner, claiming so much more enlightenment, should have known that. She was constantly comparing her generation to theirs, with their generation always coming up lacking.
May 16, 2016
This book is about so much more than bridge. It's about the expectations of and for women who were of marrying age in the 1950s. And it's about their children and especially their daughters -- what the '70s were like for them ... and what it was like to be a mother of a child growing up in the 70s when values were so very different. It's also about being part of the Jewish subculture in a gentile world. And yes, it's about bridge, which is really a device for discussing the varying parts of what makes up this memoir.
Overall, this is well worth reading. Two quibbles: the first is that it's actually a bit hard to remember which of the bridge ladies is which and what distinguishes them from each other. Their individual stories are interesting, but I'd be hard pressed to tell you what happened to Bea vs. Rhoda vs. Jackie vs. Bette vs. Ros (on the other hand, I do remember their names). The second is (and you'll see this mentioned in a number of reviews) is that we learn quite a bit (too much?) about the author's psychological issues. Yes, this is a memoir, but it's called The Bridge Ladies for a reason. Isn't it her memoir of them? Well, maybe not.
In any case, an enjoyable book, for sure.
Overall, this is well worth reading. Two quibbles: the first is that it's actually a bit hard to remember which of the bridge ladies is which and what distinguishes them from each other. Their individual stories are interesting, but I'd be hard pressed to tell you what happened to Bea vs. Rhoda vs. Jackie vs. Bette vs. Ros (on the other hand, I do remember their names). The second is (and you'll see this mentioned in a number of reviews) is that we learn quite a bit (too much?) about the author's psychological issues. Yes, this is a memoir, but it's called The Bridge Ladies for a reason. Isn't it her memoir of them? Well, maybe not.
In any case, an enjoyable book, for sure.
June 24, 2016
So much more than bridge! Betsy Lerner captured mother daughter relationships, friendships, depression, and the choices we make. I have to admit that I loved the bridge lessons as well, since I have a passion for the game.
March 12, 2018
Author Betsy Lerner returned to her mother's home in New Haven to care for her after her mother had surgery. Betsy was pleased to see that her mother's bridge club, a club that had been in existence for 50 years, came to visit bearing food and gifts. Thinking of today's generation, Betsy knew all she would have received had she herself been post-surgery would have been texts with emojis and 'hope u feel better". This put Betsy in mid to try to find out more about her mother and her bridge buddies; easier said than done. Octogenarian mom Roz's generation did not share their feelings, fears or emotions. They were taught to be perfect ladies who were put on earth to get married and raise a family. Breaking through the walls of these tough old women would prove to be a challenge for Betsy and the toughest of all would be her own mother.
Betsy began by attending the bridge ladies Monday afternoon bridge game which rotated among the players homes. She loved the way the ladies dressed so elegantly and with manicured nails, fresh hairdos and lots of jewelry. Knowing nothing about the game of bridge Betsy enrolled in beginner bridge classes to help her understand the game and the players. Eventually she learned to love the card game and more importantly she fell in love with the bridge ladies.
This is just such a lovely book about a generation of women who might be considered quite Victorian by today's standards. A 50-year friendship should include hugs, kisses on the cheek or at least heartfelt confessions and commiserations. Not these women; they are reserved, always lady-like and the complete opposite of effusive. Their love for one another is obvious in their loyalty and dedication to their bridge game. At times this book was just downright funny and at others so heartbreaking. Loved it!
Betsy began by attending the bridge ladies Monday afternoon bridge game which rotated among the players homes. She loved the way the ladies dressed so elegantly and with manicured nails, fresh hairdos and lots of jewelry. Knowing nothing about the game of bridge Betsy enrolled in beginner bridge classes to help her understand the game and the players. Eventually she learned to love the card game and more importantly she fell in love with the bridge ladies.
This is just such a lovely book about a generation of women who might be considered quite Victorian by today's standards. A 50-year friendship should include hugs, kisses on the cheek or at least heartfelt confessions and commiserations. Not these women; they are reserved, always lady-like and the complete opposite of effusive. Their love for one another is obvious in their loyalty and dedication to their bridge game. At times this book was just downright funny and at others so heartbreaking. Loved it!
June 20, 2016
This is a memoir about a group of ladies who have met every Monday for lunch and bridge for more than fifty years. One of these ladies is Roz, Betsy Lerner’s mother. As a teenager, Betsy can remember the ladies coming over to their house to play bridge and feeling dismissive of their lifestyles. These were all Jewish ladies who had married well, dressed well, took care of themselves and their greatest achievement was raising their families. Betsy was part of the sex-drugs-and-rock n’ roll generation and thought that her mother and her friends were boring and old fashioned. Certainly compared to the 60’s and 70’s, they were old fashioned and it was a difficult time for them to adjust to the changing morals and attitudes of the time.
Several decades later Betsy’s father is deceased and her mother, Roz, requires surgery. Betsy moves in with her for a period of time to assist and reconnects with the bridge ladies. By this time Betsy is in her 50’s and is more forgiving and understanding. She becomes curious about the ladies and starts to wonder what their dreams were as young women and if they had been happy in their marriages, etc. She starts to learn bridge and becomes a regular at their Monday sessions.
I think Betsy, for a long time, had been looking for a way to connect with her mother. Betsy described Roz as always being critical of Betsy’s appearance, how she behaved, her choices, etc. and what normally would be a normal conversation between mother and daughter was usually fraught with tension and misunderstandings. With Betsy learning bridge and spending part of every Monday with these ladies, she was able to start to build a bridge between her mother and herself and begin to understand and see things a little more from her mother’s point of view.
I enjoyed this memoir and give it four stars out of five.
Several decades later Betsy’s father is deceased and her mother, Roz, requires surgery. Betsy moves in with her for a period of time to assist and reconnects with the bridge ladies. By this time Betsy is in her 50’s and is more forgiving and understanding. She becomes curious about the ladies and starts to wonder what their dreams were as young women and if they had been happy in their marriages, etc. She starts to learn bridge and becomes a regular at their Monday sessions.
I think Betsy, for a long time, had been looking for a way to connect with her mother. Betsy described Roz as always being critical of Betsy’s appearance, how she behaved, her choices, etc. and what normally would be a normal conversation between mother and daughter was usually fraught with tension and misunderstandings. With Betsy learning bridge and spending part of every Monday with these ladies, she was able to start to build a bridge between her mother and herself and begin to understand and see things a little more from her mother’s point of view.
I enjoyed this memoir and give it four stars out of five.
May 17, 2016
A poignant examination of relationships, most specifically the mother-daughter one. The author initially decides to explore her mother's eons-old Bridge group and how the ladies have weathered the years together. But not too long after her observations begin it becomes evident that it is her personal and difficult relationship with her mother that will be at the center of the story. Unexpectedly, Ms Lerner decides to take Bridge lessons herself and becomes a participant rather than observer in the Bridge playing world with a surprising outcome. This is a book that needs, and should be, discussed with friends, family and, most importantly, with your mother or daughter no matter the status of relationship.
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