A Look Inside a Rare Mind

by Jennifer Soldner

My entire life was spent questioning myself. I always wondered why I seemed different. Why I could never fit in anywhere. Why I struggled so much emotionally. And most of all, why I could not find anyone who understood. I continued to fail. I continued to remain alone, misunderstood by myself and everyone around me. Until one day, I took a Myers-Briggs Personality test and read the results: INFJ. What does that mean? I researched and researched, read and read, pondered and pondered, until it hit me... I am not insane. I am not failing. I am not broken. I am an INFJ. Once I learned my personality type, I was able to begin my personal growth and development. In these pages, I wish to share with you my thoughts through the early stages of my discovery: the positive, the negative, the joyful and the depressing. Welcome to the rare mind of an INFJ.

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Personal Development

104 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2014

About the author

Jennifer Soldner is the author of The Empathic INFJ: Awareness and Understanding for the Intuitive Clairsentient and The INFJ Heart: Understand the Mind, Unlock the Heart. She is the founder of INFJ Anonymous (infjanonymous.com), a website devoted to helping other INFJs along their path of personal discovery. An INFJ, Empath and Highly Sensitive Person, she is also the author of the wildly popular article "Top 10 Things Every INFJ Wants You to Know." Find her at jennifersoldner.com.

In her free time, she enjoys writing books for her children and is the author and illustrator of the On The Fence series, an ongoing series highlighting the lives of various Roman Catholic Saints.

Reviews

[Amber · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are 101 pages in this book - and I strongly identify with about 99 of them. I couldn't have written it any better myself - and I can write almost anything better myself! (a little INFJ humor. You wouldn't understand.)


Over the past year, I have developed a fascination with personality types. Discovering that I am an INFJ (Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging) personality type has been a major revelation into understanding what makes me tick. Given that INFJ is the rarest of all personality types (1% of people identify as INFJs), it also explains a lot!

An excerpt from the book:
"INFJs are always thinking. Our minds are constantly active. We intuitively know things that we cannot explain. We work through every human encounter with a fine-toothed comb. Trust me. It is just easier to keep most of that to ourselves."

I love it!

[C.L. Denault · Rating 5 out of 5]

To be or not to be…an INFJ. Many of us with this rare and misunderstood personality type often wish we were born with that choice. Or at least a lengthy instruction manual to help us figure ourselves out.

Jennifer Soldner’s “A Look Inside A Rare Mind” isn’t an instructional manual. Rather, it’s a uniquely personal journal of self-discovery from the viewpoint of an INFJ. In a sincere and well-thought-out manner, she covers almost every aspect of the INFJ condition, from common traits and struggles to the way she deals with the systems of an extraverted world. Her writing style is direct and evenly paced, and her heartfelt approach resonated with me in more ways than I can count.

Reading this book was both a delight and a learning experience. Every topic she discusses is one that I deal with on a personal level. Although I don’t experience everything to the same degree she does, I could relate to each struggle, joy, and revelation in a very intimate way. It was amazing to discover how similar our viewpoints are, and encouraging to know that I’m not the only person who feels that the physical plane of existence limits my perspective.

I believe any INFJ would benefit from reading Jennifer’s story, and I’m so glad to have her book in my library. I know I’ll be going back to it time and again for inspiration. A Rare Mind gets five stars for its passion, authenticity, and mostly—its honest heart.

Disclosure: I received a copy from the author in exchange for an honest review.

[Matt · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a short read and so spot on it was scary. Not such a textbook style like most of the INFJ books I have read previously. It had a personal self sharing type of feel that I related with greatly. I think anyone with the paradoxical INFJ personality would benefit from reading this insightful book.

[Kathleen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I gave it 5 stars, because I actually learned some things about myself as an INFJ mind. I was so absorbed in the book that at its end I forgot it wasn't me speaking - it was the author! I literally heard my inner voice reading it the whole time.
I'm glad I'm not crazy! I've been thinking that for all my teen and adult life. Haha. I just think differently than most everyone else, and it's a gift, not a curse.

[Kristy Birchfield · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wowwww

Wow this is an eye opener! I have read a lot about my personality type but this pretty much hits the nail on the head. I have this book on loan and am about to buy it because I plan on rereading it when I get overwhelmed or dissatisfied with myself. Thanks so much for the insight, Jennifer!

[Marianne Frenhofer · Rating 3 out of 5]

[UPDATE BELOW!]

The short review is this:

it’s a good introductory book on the subject. It’s simple and direct. If you just found out you are an INFJ, this should be a good reading.

Now, the long one:

I found out I was an INFJ a couple of years ago.

I had never heard about the Myers-Briggs test, but someone told me about Jung’s personality types and recommended me to read about the subject. I immediatly identified myself as an introverted intuitive. After some research, I ended up doing the Myers-Briggs test (Myers-Briggs test is a modernized version of Jung’s 8 personality types model, created after his death by two americans, I believe in the 60’s).

Although I had never thought these tests were completely reliable, I was surprised by how this INFJ type accurately described me. It was like a mirror! Then, I started reading everything I could find about it and felt like home. There’s a huge online community of INFJs and other introverted types.

This was the very first book I ever bought on the subject and it describes me almost perfectly. I would say 90% is compatible with me. It surely is very comforting to know that everything that always bothered me about myself, like some anti-social behaviours, are not psychological issues, but actually characteristics of this personality type and that, some of them, can even be seen as qualities.

It is also good to know that I’m not all alone in the world and there are some other people like me out there. Hi.

But, as I could also perceive in some blogs and vlogs I’ve seen on the internet, sometimes I get the feeling that people are more concerned in idealizing INFJs, praising how cool and misunderstood we are, than showing ways of how to deal with our extremely complex mind. Ok, this surely improves our self-esteem, which is very welcome, but I believe this shouldn’t be enough. Because, man, it’s really hard to be an introvert in this world! To be worse, some of INFJs characteristics are dual, being both bad and good at the same time. It would help it if we could find more practical tips on how to survive both the world and ourselves, intead of over-idealizing this romantic INFJ persona.

So, regarding that, this book is no exception and it’s an ode to INFJs. Of course, as I’ve written above, it helps to share and to know you’re not the only one who feels like that, but reading it over and over again doesn’t really show us what to do in order to have a happier life. If I absorb what other people are feeling around me, like a "sixth-sense", and this makes me feel miserable, causing depression and anxiety, what should I do? Avoid these places and especially narcissists, ok, but... most of us have jobs, interact with a lot of people on a daily-basis, get the underground and the bus, watch tv and movies… should we simply accept that we are going to suffer all the time we must socialize, which means, like everyday? I believe most of us can’t simply stay at home whenever we want or feel too fragile to go out.

The author says “I may be cursed with constant emotional roller coaster... but I know that I am gifted because I am an INFJ.” See? that’s what I’m talking about. You might say the word “empowerment”, which, naturally, is totally legitimate. But roller coasters can lead us to really bad trips sometimes. To be fair, in some chapters I could find a few hints on how to deal with INFJ’s dark sides, but unfortunately they are usually just presented, not developed much.

There must be a Jedi INFJ training somewhere.

I have to be sincere and also say that I’m kinda new to this Myers-Briggs personality world and maybe I’m being unfair. Maybe empowerment itself is ok. But I can’t stop thinking that there might be a manual out there, somewhere, teaching us how to deal with all this stuff. Not to change who we are, not at all! But to introduce us into a better way of living. How not to succumb. Not to burnout. Strategies. The best I could find so far was a site called “Introvert, dear”. So, if you know books or websites that would like to share with me, please do comment on this review. Thank you!

Anyway: this IS a good book. It’s simple and honest writing. Especially if you are an INFJ, you should read it. And I don’t think that the author’s purpose was anything else than sharing her personal thoughts and experiences (it seems that she has a website, maybe there I can find what I’m looking for). She really gets to her/our point and that’s quite good. I recommend reading it.


[UPDATE: Just found out this INFJ channel on YouTube: look for Frank James. Don't know how to link it here, but I believe if you type "Frank James INFJ" you'll find it. This one gives you some Jedi Training! :) ]

[Heli Berg · Rating 4 out of 5]

As an INFJ I have read a lot online about this MBTI personality type through the years, but this was the first time I came across something personal from an INFJ's own mind. Although I've felt comfort in knowing there are other INFJ's out there, it feels different to hear it from a real person and not just an impersonal fact text.

That being said, I recommend this book for people who already know quite a bit about the INFJ personality type, because it's more of an autobiography than a fact book or manual. The strength of the book is rather its honest, personal and hopeful touch. Jennifer shows that despite the depression and anxiety many INFJs experience, and the fact that we often feel so "other-worldly", there is a way for us to build ourselves a world where we can cope and thrive – thanks to our inner strengths.

I was a bit surprised to recognize myself as much as I did, probably around 95 % could have been my own words. I just wish it was longer – I finished the 87 pages in one sitting and felt that there could have been more. I'll complement it with more books about the subject. :)

[Jo · Rating 2 out of 5]

In looking at Myers-Briggs books, this book came up and as a previously tested INFJ, I thought I'd check it out. Whilst I did identify with some of Ms Soldner's experiences and emotions, because the quotes only backed up the author's experience, it doesn't reflect a potential range of experiences by INFJs. In short, this is not self-help, it is autobiography.

The book was structured as if the most interesting elements of Ms Soldner's diary had been pulled out and published without an overarching structure. Some elements were only a couple of pages, other elements were explored more thoroughly. However, I felt some emotions explored were from being a woman and some from being a human being and not unique to being an INFJ.

This is one person's experience of "managing" their personality and that must be remembered. If your experiences have been similar, there may be value in knowing you are not alone. For others looking for more insight, coping mechanisms or advice, look beyond this book alone.

[Dave Symmonds · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book if you are just beginning trying to understand yourself as an INFJ, or maybe even more useful for trying to understand an INFJ in your life. Friend, spouse,etc. In that role, it may be worthy of another star. As an INFJ who has already researched this topic a good bit, there isn't much new here for me. But overall is a pretty accurate and simplified view into a rare and often confusing mind

[Rosemarie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a short book, but it has a lot of deep thoughts.

I've taken the Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator test 3 times in my life and I always come out as an INFJ - it's not even a close call - I am a very clear INFJ.

The first time I took it, I didn't really understand what that meant. I was intrigued to find out the Introverted part, and mainly focused on that for many years. The second time I took the test, I realized that intuition was a part of the deal. I recognized that people would often get mad at me for knowing things I somehow wasn't supposed to know. Just because you don't say the actual words, that doesn't mean that I don't read between the lines - after all, doesn't everyone?

Uh, no, everyone DOESN'T read between the lines.

By the 3rd time I took the MBTI, I was told that INJF is the rarest type. I had always thought that the 16 possible personality types were somehow evenly distributed throughout the human population. That would be fair, wouldn't it?

Uh, no, that's not the case either! And with that, it finally hit me - THAT'S WHY I FEEL LIKE NO ONE EVER GETS ME!

Soldner went through a similar self-discovery process and she was very courageous to actually publish some of her ramblings. We INFJs really do need to talk to each other.

I can't say that I related to everything she said, but that's normal. INFJs are going to vary from individual to individual like everyone else.

But one thing that really jumped out at me is that she talks a lot about agonizing over the question of "Am I failing at life?" I almost fell off the chair when I read that. Yes, that has been a question that has haunted me for a long, LONG time. As I approach my 50 birthday in a few months, it has gotten even more persistent.

It's a hard question to answer. Some things in my life have been wonderful. I've accomplished things that I never dreamed about when I was a teen. Yet, other things have gone horribly wrong. Most of the things that have gone wrong, fall into the relationship category. And that has to do, I believe, with being an INFJ. It's hard for me to get close to people, yet, my "F" tendency (for Feeling) is always wanting to connect with people. So, when I don't, I feel like a failure.

It's also true that most people don't want to be bothered getting to know the real me. I feel like everyone only sees the superficial me and judges that quite harshly. There is more, A LOT MORE, to me if you give me a chance to get acclimated in new situations. Then, I won't be so quiet and my real personality will emerge. But in this insanely-fast-paced world that we live in, most people do not want to take the extra time. As a result, I am often excluded for no good reason. This also makes me feel like a failure and it worries me that I will never reaching my full potential.

Soldner also says that INFJs are very concerned with learning new things and GROWING as people. I am right with her on that. I don't feel like I am done learning and improving myself yet - not by a long shot.

As I get older, I am so perplexed by people who don't seem to be interested in trying new things or stretching themselves in any way. I see this attitude more and more in the people around me who are my age or a bit older.

As humans, we only have one life to live, why wouldn't you want to be the best person you could possibly be?!?

This book is great because it helps INFJs realized that they are not alone, even if it feels that way sometimes.

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

In

Firstly, I would like to applaud the writer for her efforts in this Ebook. However, I wonder if you are an INFJ. I see the essence of strong extroverted feeling throughout, introverted thinking and extroverted intution. However, I am struggling to see introverted intuition....instead I see introverted sensing.

A strong Si-Fe hold on your life throughout this book, a dominant force controlling your life with a desire and need to furfill others around you.

Rarity of ones personality type should not be a reason to need to be recognised as special. We are all uniquely perceptive in different ways and this has allowed humanity to survive.

I read this in one sitting, contemplating on your words and I feel for you. Clearly, you feel sad and alone.

Thanks for this read.

[Anilou · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's Good to Be An INFJ

As an INFJ I have had the challenges and felt the same emotions that are described in this concise treatment of the subject. That feeling of being different from others. Over thinking. Able to get into another's head. With the good information provided herein I feel good about my uniqueness, enabled to accept myself as I am and to make my mark on society in all the best ways.

[Claer Barber · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was not an easy read for me - but it was definitely good to read about how another INFJ feels and copes with life in an extrovert society. Some bits I resonated with very much. It is a good introduction to moving on to exploring and finding out more.

[Nardin Rezk · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Words serve a great purpose and should not be spoken just to fill silence.”

Being an INFJ myself, I related to everything the author addressed! Great book!

[Jesanne N. Rall · Rating 5 out of 5]

spot on

Different from other personality books. I liked it as it seemed I was the one talking. Short but sweet. I recommend but doesn’t go into a lot of depth. Good!

[Daniel l martin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a INFJ

I have a lot of issues, I am considered mentally disabled from panic and depression. I would guess that I get overwhelmed very easy from people, but I don't think that I handle it as well as the author. Keep up your great personal development. Loved the book thanks for the insight.

[Karol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! How the freak did Jennifer Soldner get inside my head. Seriously! This is ME.
I am literally dancing and squealing with joy in my head. She totally reflects who I am on these pages. Thank you beyond measure Jennifer Soldner!!

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was more like a journal. I read it, hoping that I would gleam some more insight into INFJ. I did, but it wasn't quite what I was looking for.

[Ash Robjohns · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simple, well written account of what it is to be one of the 1-2% of the population that is an INFJ personality type.

[Eija · Rating 3 out of 5]

A quick-read, subjective overview of INFJ.

[Argawal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was more of a first person narrative of this personality type. A very interesting read into INFJ

[Madeline · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very positive and insightful look into the mind of an INFJ. It has helped me to look at my personality traits as strengths rather than weaknesses.

[Jessica]

Its a very interesting, in-the-moment perspective on many of the traits of the personality type; it very much felt like I was readying someone's journal.

[Midge · Rating 3 out of 5]

Pretty good

This book has some great insights into the mind of an INFJ. At the end, I found myself wanting a bit more.