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Whose Life Is It Anyway?: Living Through Your 20s on Your Own Terms
Life is full of opportunity for 20-somethings, but it's also far more pressured than ever before. Whether it's the proliferation or the homogeneity of images of beauty and success that wallpaper our world, we know what a beautiful woman looks like - and we know what a perfect life looks like too. We live in a world that floods us with expectations about everything - from what we should weigh to what we should wear to how often we should be having sex and how much money we should be making. As a consequence, we begin to feel that we need to tick all these boxes in order to have 'the Perfect Life'. When we inevitably fall short, we feel anxious - we feel that we are failing and have the sense we are losing control. As a result, increasing numbers of young women are battling with issues such as anxiety, low self-esteem, bullying, perfectionism, toxic friendships and relationships, pressure to succeed or conform, and poor body image. At an age when life should be exciting, fun and relatively care-free, more and more young women are adrift and struggling.
Dr Linda Papadopoulos understands the issues and has the experience to guide and support young women to help get their lives back on track so they can feel happier, more confident, more in control. Whose Life Is It Anyway? offers valuable insight and practical self-help to empower women to throw off the burden of expectation and start leading the lives they want to lead.
Dr Linda Papadopoulos understands the issues and has the experience to guide and support young women to help get their lives back on track so they can feel happier, more confident, more in control. Whose Life Is It Anyway? offers valuable insight and practical self-help to empower women to throw off the burden of expectation and start leading the lives they want to lead.
256 pages, Paperback
First published October 1, 2014
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
December 3, 2017
“Seeking perfection is probably the best way to feel bad about yourself.”
One of the best advices I learnt from the book. From now on, it’s not going to be the perfection I’ll strive for, but rather the best I can possibly do will be the motive.
There exist some books that might not be as popular as others, that might not have as high ratings (in this case- no rating at all on Goodreads) as others, but none of these factors can veil the worth of such good books. Now this book – UNFOLLOW (Living life on your own terms)– that I finished recently is one of those not-so-popular books. This 200 something pages book written by a UK based psychologist, Dr. Linda Papadopoulos, is, not a must-read perhaps, but worth reading for any millennial girl (boys can read too to gain some rational insights).
Once I started reading it, I got too engaged and didn’t want to put it down; and that was the moment I decided that this book is worth 4 stars but then I proceeded to further chapters (the whole book’s divided into 8 chapters), and to give a rating of 3 suited me for its overall appeal.
Does that mean only the initial chapters of the book are good? No. In fact, what is all there in these 8 chapters! Let me put it out for you in here succinctly,
Chapter 1– Illusion of attaining the Perfect Lives; with notions of which we have been constantly fed for years and years of our lives.
We still have old-fashioned pressures of being perfect girlfriends and wives, as well as the more modern-day demands that we be physically beautiful, ageless and sexy, have brilliant entrepreneurial minds and be creative and ambitious. The result? We are always feeling anxious that we are not doing or being enough and we constantly feel less than perfect and guilty for not being able to have it all.
Chapter 2– Few insights on how Feminism started and what it was originally meant to be a feminist; to stop putting our self-esteem eggs into our appearance and realizing how much enough is Hot Enough?!
It is frightening how little emphasis today is placed on the emotional and intellectual aspects of who we are – that while we are inundated with ways to ‘fix’ our appearance, very little value is put on the way we think, feel and relate to those around us.
Chapter 3– With the help-books/ guides for everything available around, we react not how we want to but how we should; Online Me – Offline Me: Who Am I Supposed to Be? gets discussed in here.
Chapter 4– The Need to Please- Pressure, Expectations and Saying No– when pleasing others, even when it comes to physical needs, doesn’t stay a characteristic of ours, rather becomes a way of living.
The fact that gender-based play patterns tend to make more allowances for ‘naughty’ behavior from boys – meaning that ‘naughtiness’ in boys is somehow expected and therefore more acceptable- may go some way to explaining why guilt tends to be felt more intently by women…
Chapter 5– Super-sexualise Me– How females have been getting objectified for ages and, now, with its omnipresence, objectifying females and their body parts has become second nature of ours.
The objectification of women has become normalized; it feels like that’s how it’s supposed to be, so the things that should incense us, that should make us stand up and shout ‘WTF!’ simply go unnoticed or remain unchallenged.
Chapter 6– Women is women’s best friend and the worst enemy as well- this’s not just a random statement, it is based on facts and figures. Why does a woman become a woman’s enemy and how to tackle one is discussed in Avoiding the Bully.
…the instant nature of the online world doesn’t allow the space and time for reflection.
Chapter 7– How leaving our parents’ home, after completing school to be on our own, be thrilling as well as scary? How we lose our individuality, overlook our own likes and dislikes, to fit-in in a group? How being alone isn’t even that daunting a phase as it sounds is talked about in Going It Alone.
Chapter 8– There is not only one crisis namely mid-life crisis, but, now, we’ve a quarter-life crisis too. When the ones in the prime of their youth start dreading the old-age, which is decades away from them, then is the time to talk about Quarter-life Crisis and the Fear of Getting Older.
We’re used to instant gratification, but one of the things that psychologists have known for years is that delaying gratification, learning how to put in the work and wait for the reward, is key to success in later life.
Now, what I liked of all this were the themes that I could relate to or was curious enough to get into the depths of. For me such chapters were 1st, 2nd, 5th and 8th.
Throughout the course of this book, Dr. Linda has taken the reference of various surveys and their results to put forth her arguments, which is the right way of doing it. There are no stray comments, neither arguments, nor any blame-game is played. Even though the book is written from a woman’s perspective, why it is solely not the men or the women to be blamed for the patriarchal society we’re now living in, is explored in various segments by Dr. Linda. Perhaps, this is not the best book in its theme (which is varied by the way, but feminism is in the core of all of it); after all, with the wave of feminism floating around, it won’t take me by surprise if I find hundreds of books solely on this theme. But, this I can assure you, spending time reading it won’t make you regret.
Life anyway isn’t easy, and we, through our conscious efforts, make it more miserable for us. And, sometimes, even on realizing it, we do nothing to save ourselves; as if saving oneself from the misery is a task for others. Not to take one’s own responsibility is the worst we can do to ourselves, and we do it, without any guilt. Don’t we? This book will explain you the how and why and what can be done to undo it.
Overall, this proved to be an appealing book for me and I'd recommend it to anyone, regardless of their gender, nation, color.
You can view my review here, too-
https://aditisharma37.wordpress.com/2...
One of the best advices I learnt from the book. From now on, it’s not going to be the perfection I’ll strive for, but rather the best I can possibly do will be the motive.
There exist some books that might not be as popular as others, that might not have as high ratings (in this case- no rating at all on Goodreads) as others, but none of these factors can veil the worth of such good books. Now this book – UNFOLLOW (Living life on your own terms)– that I finished recently is one of those not-so-popular books. This 200 something pages book written by a UK based psychologist, Dr. Linda Papadopoulos, is, not a must-read perhaps, but worth reading for any millennial girl (boys can read too to gain some rational insights).
Once I started reading it, I got too engaged and didn’t want to put it down; and that was the moment I decided that this book is worth 4 stars but then I proceeded to further chapters (the whole book’s divided into 8 chapters), and to give a rating of 3 suited me for its overall appeal.
Does that mean only the initial chapters of the book are good? No. In fact, what is all there in these 8 chapters! Let me put it out for you in here succinctly,
Chapter 1– Illusion of attaining the Perfect Lives; with notions of which we have been constantly fed for years and years of our lives.
We still have old-fashioned pressures of being perfect girlfriends and wives, as well as the more modern-day demands that we be physically beautiful, ageless and sexy, have brilliant entrepreneurial minds and be creative and ambitious. The result? We are always feeling anxious that we are not doing or being enough and we constantly feel less than perfect and guilty for not being able to have it all.
Chapter 2– Few insights on how Feminism started and what it was originally meant to be a feminist; to stop putting our self-esteem eggs into our appearance and realizing how much enough is Hot Enough?!
It is frightening how little emphasis today is placed on the emotional and intellectual aspects of who we are – that while we are inundated with ways to ‘fix’ our appearance, very little value is put on the way we think, feel and relate to those around us.
Chapter 3– With the help-books/ guides for everything available around, we react not how we want to but how we should; Online Me – Offline Me: Who Am I Supposed to Be? gets discussed in here.
Chapter 4– The Need to Please- Pressure, Expectations and Saying No– when pleasing others, even when it comes to physical needs, doesn’t stay a characteristic of ours, rather becomes a way of living.
The fact that gender-based play patterns tend to make more allowances for ‘naughty’ behavior from boys – meaning that ‘naughtiness’ in boys is somehow expected and therefore more acceptable- may go some way to explaining why guilt tends to be felt more intently by women…
Chapter 5– Super-sexualise Me– How females have been getting objectified for ages and, now, with its omnipresence, objectifying females and their body parts has become second nature of ours.
The objectification of women has become normalized; it feels like that’s how it’s supposed to be, so the things that should incense us, that should make us stand up and shout ‘WTF!’ simply go unnoticed or remain unchallenged.
Chapter 6– Women is women’s best friend and the worst enemy as well- this’s not just a random statement, it is based on facts and figures. Why does a woman become a woman’s enemy and how to tackle one is discussed in Avoiding the Bully.
…the instant nature of the online world doesn’t allow the space and time for reflection.
Chapter 7– How leaving our parents’ home, after completing school to be on our own, be thrilling as well as scary? How we lose our individuality, overlook our own likes and dislikes, to fit-in in a group? How being alone isn’t even that daunting a phase as it sounds is talked about in Going It Alone.
Chapter 8– There is not only one crisis namely mid-life crisis, but, now, we’ve a quarter-life crisis too. When the ones in the prime of their youth start dreading the old-age, which is decades away from them, then is the time to talk about Quarter-life Crisis and the Fear of Getting Older.
We’re used to instant gratification, but one of the things that psychologists have known for years is that delaying gratification, learning how to put in the work and wait for the reward, is key to success in later life.
Now, what I liked of all this were the themes that I could relate to or was curious enough to get into the depths of. For me such chapters were 1st, 2nd, 5th and 8th.
Throughout the course of this book, Dr. Linda has taken the reference of various surveys and their results to put forth her arguments, which is the right way of doing it. There are no stray comments, neither arguments, nor any blame-game is played. Even though the book is written from a woman’s perspective, why it is solely not the men or the women to be blamed for the patriarchal society we’re now living in, is explored in various segments by Dr. Linda. Perhaps, this is not the best book in its theme (which is varied by the way, but feminism is in the core of all of it); after all, with the wave of feminism floating around, it won’t take me by surprise if I find hundreds of books solely on this theme. But, this I can assure you, spending time reading it won’t make you regret.
Life anyway isn’t easy, and we, through our conscious efforts, make it more miserable for us. And, sometimes, even on realizing it, we do nothing to save ourselves; as if saving oneself from the misery is a task for others. Not to take one’s own responsibility is the worst we can do to ourselves, and we do it, without any guilt. Don’t we? This book will explain you the how and why and what can be done to undo it.
Overall, this proved to be an appealing book for me and I'd recommend it to anyone, regardless of their gender, nation, color.
You can view my review here, too-
https://aditisharma37.wordpress.com/2...
January 28, 2023
The version I read was from 2014, so all of the studies sourced were from 2012 or earlier. That made all of the research over 11 years old, and some information felt extremely outdated. I think that if I read this book right as it was published and I was in my early 20s I would’ve enjoyed it. However with the book being outdated and me being in my late 20s, I felt like I didn’t connect to the material
January 15, 2022
As a 21 year old female I really enjoyed reading this book. A lot of the points were very relevant to me and I feel like some will help me out as I grow through my 20s. I feel like it’s definitely aged at people my age and younger though, I feel like a woman in her mid to late twenties might find it irrelevant.
January 16, 2018
Relevant read for those in their early to mid 20s looking for direction in thier lives! Despite a few grammatical errors, it was a good read.
December 20, 2016
There are two things about this book that annoy me a) the constant spelling and grammatical errors that make it seem like it didn't really go through an editing process, and b) every chapter being stuffed to bursting with sentences broken down to a) and b) sections.
Other than that gripe, I actually enjoyed this more than I thought I was going to. It feels more like an in-depth look at feminism and how it effects young women (even though some of it is more complaining about feminism than being grateful) than a self-help book, which was refreshing.
The conclusion breaks down the book into brief segments, giving direct advice of ways to change your life to alleviate the pressure in the different areas. If you're looking for self-help, definitely skip straight to the conclusion, but I'd recommend going back and exploring some of the studies referenced throughout, because there are some interesting psychological experiments that I can't wait to read more about.
Other than that gripe, I actually enjoyed this more than I thought I was going to. It feels more like an in-depth look at feminism and how it effects young women (even though some of it is more complaining about feminism than being grateful) than a self-help book, which was refreshing.
The conclusion breaks down the book into brief segments, giving direct advice of ways to change your life to alleviate the pressure in the different areas. If you're looking for self-help, definitely skip straight to the conclusion, but I'd recommend going back and exploring some of the studies referenced throughout, because there are some interesting psychological experiments that I can't wait to read more about.
March 19, 2019
Having just 'Boomeranged', as Papadopoulos puts it, back to my parent's house, this was the perfect book I needed to keep myself motivated during my own quarter-life crisis. I was forced to continually reflect upon times where I have fallen into the negative thought patterns outlined within this book. Although we all know that we are not alone in our struggles, a piece of physical evidence in the form of this book is the exact remedy to realise that it is ok to have these doubts and fears - but also to know that there is a way out. I wish I could make all my friends read this book - just to know that we are not alone in our journey.
May 12, 2017
I found some chapters really helpful but not all of them. I think if you're new to the whole 'strong women' and 'feminist' stuff, this book could be an eye opener. But if you already know a bit about the subject, it's not the interesting. I would recommend this book for rather insecure women and girls who want to get some strategies and tipps. It also provides a lot of information about feminism and how society is tricking women into being something they don't want to be.
May 23, 2016
Much more a feminist exploration of the challenges facing female 20-somethings today than a handbook of strategies for getting through them, but that is by no means a criticism! This book was a pleasantly surprising case of 'not what I expected', and certainly does still offer help and encouragement, just not in the way I thought it would. Well worth a read.
November 4, 2019
This was a reread for me . I read it when I was 24 and in a different point in my life . Back then I adored this book it spoke to me and showed me the truth behind parts of the world. Reading it now at 27 it still spoke to me but now I feel that maybe i need a follow up of more ‘adult’ things to consider and work towards .
December 3, 2016
I believe this book is relevant for Tweens and young people in their early their 20s. This book just wasn't relevant for me. The content is very through about today's North American culture on our day to day life and our wellbeing.
October 7, 2019
As a 22 year old fresh out of uni this book was a wonderful read!
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews