An Incomplete and Inaccurate History of Sport: . . . and Other Random Thoughts from Childhood to Fatherhood

by Kenny Mayne

Painstakingly faithful to its title, Kenny Mayne’s book is neither complete nor is it particularly accurate. Ostensibly an A-to-Z encyclopedia of all known sports, many sports are never mentioned. There’s not a word about rugby, volleyball, Roller Derby, swimming, or (shockingly) Basque pelota or shinty. There is a chapter about sliding, but none about skiing. Competitive eating and rhythmic gymnastics will have to wait for another book. However, there are roughly eight chapters about tackle football–“the greatest sport in the world, and everyone knows it”–and a good four or five about horse racing, so quit complaining before you’ve even read the book. There will be plenty of time for complaining after you’ve finished it (about an hour from now–tops).

Those sports that are covered in the book are examined with exhaustive inattention to unretained detail. Many chapters have nothing to do with sport. For instance, the chapter on hunting is about hunting for a hassle-free triple tall Americano light on the water.

So, then, what exactly is this book-like thing you hold in your hands? Part nostalgic memoir (like the summer Mark Sansaver hit 843 home runs in backyard Wiffle ball), part Dave Barry—esque riffs (like explaining bocce to non-Italians), part scholarly tract (includes the origins of tackle football), and part metafiction (see “Time-outs”). . . all with illustrations drawn by Kenny’s daughters, it is what Kenny calls his anti coffee-table book, or Coaster. The publisher calls it $24.95. Reviewers like Michiko Kakutani may call it “insipid,” but because Kenny has included a revolutionary “backwords” following the book’s foreword, she’ll have to call it an “insipid breakthrough” of a book.

So what is this book-like thing? Like the great mysteries in life, you’ll have to decide for yourself.


*That would include a thought I just had. This thought had something to do with Wiffle ball. What a great chapter. But that’s not to say the chapter on hunting is terrible even though it’s mostly about coffee. Plus I wrote stuff about my children. There’s even a chapter on jai alai. This book has both still photographs and still illustrations. It doesn’t have any moving pictures. That would have required the inclusion of a projector and a big white screen in the book, and I’m trying to take a stand on energy conservation. Strangely enough, Ken Griffey Jr. asked me if the book would have video. This will make sense when you read the chapter on him.

I wish I'd written about the Seattle Pilots. I used to go to their games when I was nine. My favorite player was Tommy Harper.  But this isn't just a sports book. It covers all sorts of things. I hope they place it in the Miscellaneous section. That should draw a lot of attention.  I was told that the presence of a sub-title would sell more books. How am I doing with you? Make sure to tell people about this alluring and informative sub-title. This sub-title is longer than some of my chapters.

Genres: Sports, Nonfiction, Memoir, Humor, Comedy

256 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2008

Reviews

[Linda J. Isaacson · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well I can’t say I didn’t learn something. Yes random and obscure facts throughout and spun up with humor on sports I never knew even existed. Light, quick reading (read not scholarly and why not for a crash course in sports), even downright funny at times. No football geek but I may whip out some data next time someone messes with me on the field (not)!

[Fred Forbes · Rating 1 out of 5]

I gave this one star because zero is not an option. I picked up the audio book for a drive from the Tampa area to Miami and back and immediately regretted only picking up one book since I was stuck listening to it. I am a sports fan and enjoy writers like Dave Barry, Colbert, etc. but this rambling, repetitive, non-insightful book is a mess. Now I know that his calling us idiots for buying and/or listening to it is supposed to be funny but it got old long before the tenth time he mentioned it. It is a good thing an editor did not get near it since it would have taken up only 1 CD instead of 5!

[Gina Cummings · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think Kenny Mayne is hilarious. There were points in this book where I laughed out loud, but he actually had some rather touching parts as well. Who knew Kenny Mayne could be sensitive?

If the reader doesn't enjoy sports and/or Kenny Mayne, I do not think he or she would understand or appreciate the book.

[Kev Willoughby · Rating 3 out of 5]

To enjoy this book, it helps to already be a fan of either Kenny Mayne or have a penchant for dry humor. I am and I do. With that said, I've always enjoyed humor much more in person or on the screen. For some reason, as a genre, it doesn't always come across as spontaneous or funny in print. I think it's the body language that's missing. I like this book though. Each chapter is a different sport and Kenny covers everything from tackle football to bocce ball. He even has multiple chapters on wiffle ball, which is "the second greatest game in the world next to tackle football and everyone knows it." In each chapter, it's easy to hear Kenny's voice, and it's fun to follow him on another rabbit trail that always ends in a relevant fact related to that sport. Kenny is my all-time favorite personality from ESPN, and if you enjoy his work there, you won't be disappointed in this book.

[Jeremy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love Kenny Mayne. That said, I only liked parts of his book. I know he's very tongue in cheek and self-deprecating, but the extent to which he lampooned himself was a little off-putting. I mean, how many times do I have to hear about how terrible you think your book is and how dumb you're pretending to be while you write it?

That said, I really did enjoy reading it but am glad that I picked it up at a remaindered bookseller at the outlet mall. The best parts were Kenny slipping into memoir mode: funny, thoughtful, outrageous, and then at the end of the chapter: Bam! He hits you with something downright poignant. I think you really have to be a Kenny Mayne fan to appreciate his book.

Favorite parts: "Tackle football: Randall Cunningham", anytime he talked about his childhood, his time on "Dancing With the Stars" or when he talked about his kids and all the awesome (from his perspective, and mine as well) or awful (from his wife's perspective) things he's taught them. I caught myself thinking once or twice that I should save some of those ideas and try to teach them to my kids.

Plus, it's awesome that he had his daughters make illustrations for some of the chapters. That was really cool.

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Kenny Mayne is one of the guys on SportsCenter. The really dry and funny one. Imagine Dennis Miller if he wasn't an ass. I also love the surreal kind of meandering of some of the chapters in this (chapters include snowball fighting, electric tackle football, jai alai, and something called Orienteering). This may not sound like everyone's cup of Gatorade but you might say it's like a sports book done up McSweeney's-style.

[Brent Steensma · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the 5 people I'd have over for dream dinner! I met Kenny, too! We have a lot in common: We both order triple tall americanos, we both went to Wenatchee Valley College, we both broke legs in football games, we both like horse racing, and we both agree tackle football is the greatest sport in the world...

[Jonathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you've watched ESPN at all during the past few years, you know this guy. Well, the book reads exactly like he presents himself on TV. Very much a stream-of-consciousness thing. And very funny.

I was going to give this book three stars, but the chapter entitled "Tackle Football: Randall Cunningham" was worth at least one star all by itself.

[Ben · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are a couple of very good bits in the book, about the standard things that are good in sports books--remembering the games he played as a kid, fond memories of his father, his dealing with personal tragedy. However, there is quite a bit of filler that really is a waste, and while it's not hard to wade through, it is more work than it's worth.

[Mark · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm stuck over the President's Day weekend with completed novels, so I dug through my son's Christmas gifts and hit upon this on...I like Kenny Mayne on ESPN and the irreverence he often brings to his productions...this same irreverence comes through in this project...on a par with or maybe just a little below Dave Berry on many of the same subjects

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was hilarious. Like the title suggests, this book is neither accurate nor complete. Most of the time Kenny Mayne tells stories from his childhood and recent past; yet, it is incredibly funny and I enjoyed reading it. His satirical view on most, if not all, of the sports he covers is genius. An easy read and if you are a sports fan it is definitely something fun to do over a break.

[Hayden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Funniest book EVER! Written in the exact same way Kenny does his sports stories, including wild tangents, mini-rants and absurdly random thoughts that have you wondering exactly what goes on in his head.

[Myke · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars because it is so funny, and 4 stars because he is actually a rather good story teller. I learned nothing about sports from the book outside of his point of view and his personal stories.
A quick read, and definately worth it for a laugh.

[Jonathan · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not the most well-written book I've ever read, but it made me laugh. Kenny did a reading at Amazon, so I had heard a few of the stories straight from the horse's mouth. Worth taking a day or two to read.

[Joey Lewandowski · Rating 3 out of 5]

Everything I could have wanted out of a book written by Kenny Mayne. The interest in sports is there, for sure, but also his unique blend of humor and "Where did THAT come from?" story-telling makes it a very enjoyable read.

[Mike · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Kenny Mayne and his dry, bizarre sense of humor. But this book goes on a bit too long. Some chapters are hilarious and brilliant (even heartfelt) essays on sports (especially tackle football) and childhood experiences. But most of them are forgettable light amusement.

[Backholm · Rating 3 out of 5]

pretty funny stuff if you like people with a dry sense of humor.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the funniest books I've ever read!

[Joel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Currently reading this and i love it, Kenny Mayne had to deal with some great tragedies in his life, which i could relate with, well written

[Melodee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This guy is a crack up. Pointless info, but he's funny

[Steve · Rating 2 out of 5]

If you like dry wit, Kenny Mayne is hysterical. However, his schtick gets old 50 pages into the book.

[Nate Bringhurst · Rating 3 out of 5]

You will like this book if you like Kenny Mayne and his type of humor. But even then it gets a little old after 30 or so pages. I enjoyed reading it in spurts.

[Judy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Don't have to be a sports buff to enjoy this book-love his sense of humor.

[Jeremy · Rating 5 out of 5]

So far so good

[Karajaye Roberts · Rating 3 out of 5]

surprisingly lighthearted fun read from the Dollar Tree

[joe touzel · Rating 1 out of 5]

this book sucked balls.

[D. George · Rating 4 out of 5]

Almost always amusing, often hilarious, and at times even touching. Great light reading.

[Jay Budzilowski · Rating 4 out of 5]

Kenny is funny. 4 stars funny. Even Kenny would agree. 5 stars funny is for professional humorists. Kenny is not one of those. This review is already too long.