Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys: True Tales of Friendship Between Straight Women and Gay Men

by Melissa de la Cruz (Editor), Tom Dolby (Editor), Armistead Maupin (Foreward)

A literary celebration of one of the most important relationships in a straight girl’s life—her gay best friend

This collection of original essays goes beyond the banter to get to the essence of an intimate relationship like no other. With a foreword by  Tales of the City  author Armistead Maupin,  Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys  brings together pieces by National Book Award winner Andrew Solomon ( The Noonday Demon ), novelist Gigi Levangie Grazer ( The Starter Wife ), Barneys New York creative director Simon Doonan ( Nasty ), and many others from all walks of life. In addition to stories of gays and gals bonding over brunch, these essays chronicle love and lust, infatuation and heartbreak, growing up and coming out, and family and children. With genuine warmth, this definitive anthology proves that more durable than diamonds, straight women and gay men are each other’s true best friends.

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Essays, Anthologies, Queer, Biography

299 pages, Paperback

First published May 17, 2007

About the author

Melissa de la Cruz is the New York Times and USA Today best-selling author of many critically acclaimed and award-winning novels for teens including The Au Pairs series, the Blue Bloods series, the Ashleys series, the Angels on Sunset Boulevard series and the semi-autobiographical novel Fresh off the Boat.

Her books for adults include the novel Cat’s Meow, the anthology Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys and the tongue-in-chic handbooks How to Become Famous in Two Weeks or Less and The Fashionista Files: Adventures in Four-inch heels and Faux-Pas.

She has worked as a fashion and beauty editor and has written for many publications including The New York Times, Marie Claire, Harper’s Bazaar, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Allure, The San Francisco Chronicle, McSweeney’s, Teen Vogue, CosmoGirl! and Seventeen. She has also appeared as an expert on fashion, trends and fame for CNN, E! and FoxNews.

Melissa grew up in Manila and moved to San Francisco with her family, where she graduated high school salutatorian from The Convent of the Sacred Heart. She majored in art history and English at Columbia University (and minored in nightclubs and shopping!).

She now divides her time between New York and Los Angeles, where she lives in the Hollywood Hills with her husband and daughter.

Reviews

[ashes ➷ · Rating 1 out of 5]

What did I think this book would be? A group of fun stories about straight women and gay men as friends regardless of their sexualities or genders.

What it was? A shitload of misogyny and homophobic slurs.

[tw for book: homophobia, misogyny, fetishization of gay men, gay bffs, f slur, misogynistic slurs]

Very rarely am I unable to finish a book. Even when it sucks, my usual plan is just to finish and get out the review.

But this. This was terrible.

I had literally never heard the term "f*g hag" before this, and I was very much okay with that. This book would like to not only introduce it, but beat you over the head with it several hundred times.

The first story in this book is from a woman who stereotypes, dehumanizes, and objectifies gay men. She describes herself using this awful slur and tells us exactly why she's friends with gay men. Could it be because people of all sexualities are kind and thoughtful? Solidarity in struggle? Oh, no, it's because they're effeminate and like fashion.

Fuck.

And, yes, she did say that gay men have less drama than women. That they're less catty. Less manipulative. So there's some internal misogyny.

I read the next story, from a gay man, and it was pretty misogynistic.

I quit after that.

Basically, don't read this book. It's homophobic and returns gay men to the stereotype of the gay best friend.

EDIT: I just scrolled into the reviews and I wish I hadn't.

[Tatiana · Rating 1 out of 5]

I actually expected relationships between gay men and straight women to be a little more meaningful. First 3 stories were all shopping, fashion, and glitz. Can't bear it any more, I am no Carrie Bradshaw.

[Hazel · Rating 1 out of 5]

Stupid, stupid book. There was about one good story, about a gay man who's highschool girlfriend offers to have a baby for him and his partner. Besides that, there were so many mentions of Barbara Streisand, how fabulous gay men are, and how straight the straight women's husbands were that I wanted to die.

[Mills]

I can't even express how patronising towards gay men this is, like all gay men are camp, love shopping and talk like they're Barbie or something... No.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I originally picked up with book thinking that it would be frothy and glib - like a great episode of Sex and the City featuring Stanford *and* Anthony! What I got was much more substantive and rewarding. The essays alternate between gay male and straight(ish) female authors, and provide every imaginable meditation on the peculiar dynamics found in these pairings. I definitely got the snark and humor I was looking for, but also a very serious inquiry into why gay men and straight(ish!) women get along as they do. This book allowed me to reflect on my own enduring relationships with the special gay men in my life (Greg and Jaden, I'm looking at you!), and appreciate the honestly, humor and love we share in a unusually literally way. I highly recommend this book for any woman (gay, straight, or vaguely queer) who has a special gay man in her life.

[Gabriella · Rating 5 out of 5]

I originally picked this book up this August on a trip to San Francisco- I saw that Cincy Chupak contributed to it, (and I love Sex and the City). This was actually a great collection of stories about relationships, and really gives you a true insight into friendships between women and gay men. I have had only a couple gay friends in my life, but have kind of lost touch with everything else going on in life, but those are the friendships I miss the most out of any....if anything, reading this book made me want to re-kindle those friendships.

[Skip · Rating 2 out of 5]

In truthfulness, I only read about three of the essays in this collection.
I found most of this stuff trite and vacuous.
Glad I didn't buy the book. It was quickly returned to the library.

[Brian · Rating 2 out of 5]

I came to this book for research and found the opposite: a flat, glib, one dimensional portrayal of the relationships that are most enriching in my own life.

[Cassy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this book up at a book fair, not really knowing how I would like it. It looked mildly interesting, certainly worth the six bucks (in hardback, no less) that I would pay for it. Even if it was horrible, no harm no foul. Luckily for me, it was really a fantastic book.

The book is a compilation of essays from lots of different writers, gay and straight alike. It's a book that explores friendships and love and family. When I was reading the section about straight women and their gay male friends, it was so interesting the things that would happen in those relationships. It's a different relationship than the one we have with our girlfriends or even straight male friends. You get all the fun of a girlfriend with all the advantages of him being male. There's no sexual tension because neither of you is looking for that kind of relationship. Neither is there competition that you often find in friendships between two women. And the thing that made me laugh is that I related to a lot of the stories (though, ironically, not in my relationship with a gay man but my friendship with a straight woman. I feel that says a lot of awesome things about that relationship.)

I particularly enjoyed reading the stories about family. One essay talked about a liberal minded mother who actually had strong homophobic beliefs. But she still supported her son. It strained their relationship but not everything works out perfectly. There were kids who talked about being raised by gay parents. One woman actually says it was better because it turned her father into a better person once her parents got divorced. One mother talks about she would prefer her son to be gay, though she knows she has zero control over what happens.

I like hearing these stories because so often we approach homosexuality as a taboo subject. Either we're trying too hard to be politically correct or we come off as offense. This book doesn't walk on the egg shells that so often accompanies the subject. It isn't a book about being gay: it's a book about friendships and families and adolescents and life that just happen to have homosexuality as a common theme. These stories are from real people and their real experiences and their real life. Some of the stories might be considered offensive but that doesn't change the fact that they happened and the people writing those stories aren't going to shy away from the facts. It's a refreshing book in that way.

I recommend this book to everyone who enjoys gay/straight literature or even just someone who wants to broaden their horizons a little. It was fun, engaging and a quick read. Definitely worth the six dollars I spend on it.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gay guys and their straight female friends writing essays about their friendships, failed lust attacks and lives. I didn't read every essay but I really enjoyed picking it up and randomly reading one, or picking it up and seeking a favorite author (Cecil Castelluci, Bennett Madison, David Ebershoff). Ayelet Waldman reflects on the hate mail she received about her stereotypes and prejudices after writing in Salon.com that she hoped her son would be gay; as always, she disturbs me on so many levels. But that's another topic ...

[Joe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am only on page 60, but I am loving it and literally laughing out loud and relating to so many things. I defintitely want to read it again just to highlight certain things.

It is a compilation of essays divided into 5 categories and is great!!!

[Andrea · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some of the stories were really good, some really didn't move me at all. I enjoyed getting to read about the other perspectives gay men and the girls that love them... I feel like I need to find a best gay guy friend because from the stories I had they seem very fun, and honest :).

[Anne · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fag hags everywhere will relate to and enjoy these essays :)

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh God! So witty and honest.

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great collection of essays telling various relationship and friendship stories. Excellent writers. Very easy to relate.

[Elly's Diary · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am rating this book a 3 out of 5 because I think it is a bit outdated for 2021...
Is it a bad book? Not at all. It has some truly beautiful & moving stories ❤️.
Is it ground breaking book though...? No.
I find this book very "binary" in it's division of gay men 'vs' straight women...I don't really feel it portrays the fluidity present in the LGBTQIA+ community nowadays...
Having said this, I did enjoy the read 💕...some stories truly made me laugh, cry, giggle and emote with the main characters...and there was A LOT I could relate to. ❤️
But it has a lot of stereotypes too...🤷‍♀️
So I am rating it right in the middle 😘.
Hope this review helps!
Big hugs xxx

[Holly Hillard · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s wild how dated this book felt even though it was only written 10 years ago. I think that’s a good thing because it shows that maybe we have progressed some?

Anyway, I liked the premise of the book...but some of the essays fell really flat to me. A lot of the relationships seemed very superficial and not genuine. But man, the good essays were good. If you want to read this one, let me know and I can tell you which ones to skip.

I’d like to see a 2019 version of this book. I’m certain it’d be better.

[Robert Hudder · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bunch of essays about relationships between straight women and gay men. Personal essays and experiences can be helpful to read so that people can relate and not feel alone. I think this works at providing a number of different experiences and I think it does a good job of getting variety and hopeful stories.

[Cindy Keiser · Rating 4 out of 5]

A few stories were mid, and the content definitely wasn’t what I went in expecting, but I was surprised at how enjoyable it was!! It really made me happy that there truly has been quantifiable progress.

[Molly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic!

[Holly Hobby · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book hit

[Emily Guth · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF. It wanted to be empowering but it was demeaning to both gay men and women (not just straight ones).

[Christian · Rating 1 out of 5]

I first learned about this book a while ago when a few of the essays were serialized in the NYTimes. They were pretty good essays, so I was looking forward to reading a book that essentially reflects (the flapcopy uses the term celebrates, but as you'll see, I don't think it's much of a celebration) on the relationship between gay men and straight women. Unfortunately, the best essays were serialized in the Times, and I really could have saved myself some time and money by just keeping those (which I had already done).

I guess it wasn't all that bad. With twenty-eight essays, it does manage to hit a large berth of examples. And I guess the book's true value comes in how it caused me to reflect on the varying relationships I have with the different women in my life.

Interestingly enough, the essay I found most intriguing was the one that helped me look at my relationship with Belle. Now, I realize that she's not a straight woman (because she is, after all, a dog, and likely a lesbian at that), but one essay focused on the author's relationship with his dog walker. For starters, the author's dog is rather similar to Belle, including her propensity to show off her rather large "lady parts." Most significantly, though, is how the author was able to pass out all his affection to his dog, making him unavailable to commit to any of the men who formed his long string of boyfriends. I may have been unwilling to admit this at the time, but the greatest thing enabling me to break up with Grant was Belle. With Belle, I still had a creature to shower with affection and love. And with that diversion for my emotions, I was able to see why Grant and I were together and, more importantly, why it wasn't working.

Anyway.

This collection works as a reflection tool. I don't know if it's the book or if it's my take on the book, but the overall impression that I'm left with after reading this book is that the gay man–straight woman relationship isn't necessarily one to celebrate because it seems to consist of a great deal of dysfunction and angst. I don't think that's the effect the editors were going for.

an addendum . . .
Because it seems that I have, of late, disconnected my internal audience editor, perhaps I should clarify a thought or two. When it comes down to it, I feel that all relationships are, to some extent or another, dysfunctional. Professional relationships have a tendency toward minimal dysfunction whereas personal relationships have a tendency toward maximal dysfunction. The key to relationships is negotiating them to the dysfunction you're personally comfortable with.

Also, this book doesn't really deal with the gay man–straight woman relationship so much as the fag hag relationship. I don't use that term throughout this post because, well, I really rather hate that term. And I don't think fruit fly is much better, though it sounds more pleasant. (Fag stag and dyke dude on the other hand . . . Well, is that just another example of the privileged patriarchy? I don't know. Where's Arwen to help clarify and answer these things?)

I'm sure there is more clarifying that I ought to do, but I seem to have forgotten my train of thought.

[ChristyAnne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm so happy this book is now in paperback so I can get my own copy! (borrowed from the library).
Because......

A friend of mine often tells the tale of the day we "fell in love".
Another friend of mine and I are "engaged".
I told another friend of mine that I loved dancing w/ him because we could get super raunchy but neither of us had to worry about the other trying to get into our pants.
Another friend of mine and I lovingly tease each about being schoolage "lovers".

All of these men are gay. These are just a few examples of the wonderful friendships I've had since as long as I can remember w/gay men (though in the case of most of my school-age friends they/us/I may not have known at the time). I don't go out and seek gay friends, we are just drawn to each other (I often find out they are gay AFTER we connect). Each of these friendships are special in way I just cannot explain.

This collection of essays by gay men and their "hags" are touching- some serious, some silly, most in between. Every gay man or woman who has loved a gay man should read this. I dare you not to find yourself or someone you love in it.

[K · Rating 4 out of 5]

I didn't like every story in this collection, but that's inevitable when you're reading such a diverse set of authors. I definitely found a few whose other works I want to check out now.

Overall, this was an excellent book. The section divisions (didn't fit perfectly in all instances, but I liked that it was intended to provide more than the stereotypical Sex and the City idea of fashionable women and their gay confidantes. There's some of that in here (and a Sex and the City writer, at that), but there are also some really sweet stories about the people who love you when you're coming of age as an awkward teenager, and dark tearjerkers about the ways your life as an adult inevitably doesn't match up to some of those childhood dreams.

I was drawn to the light, flippant title (for obvious reasons), but I was very glad to find the substance underneath. These are the kinds of stories I wish people told more, or read more, or cared more about. Maybe some day I'll write one of my own.

[M O · Rating 4 out of 5]

Such a fun read, especially for every hag who's had a fag! We all have our own gay BFFs, but there's something so delicious in indulging in other fun, fabulous and forever friendships between girls and gays. Stories ranges from light and funny ones focusing on fashion to heart-wrenching stories on how guys finally came out to their best friends. This book makes you realize the power of the bond formed by a girl and gay guy, joined by the same female spirit. I laughed, I sighed, I remembered my own gay pals. <3

[m_miriam · Rating 2 out of 5]

All of the essays in this collection are fine representations of the theme and none of the essays in this collection particularly stand out to me; they really feel like commissioned pieces, rather than organic contemplations. The pieces I enjoyed more than others were authored by Andrew Soloman, Ayelet Waldman, and Bennett Madison. I'm glad I read it, but I wouldn't recommend it for anything other than as a travel/filler read; borrow it from the library next time you're going to be on plane, train, etc.

[NzingaMarie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've been telling my best friend almost since the time we met that there had to be a book out there about relationships like ours. This book was a little bit different than what I was looking for. A couple of the essays were sweet and loving, but more than a couple left me feeling more disheartened than encouraged. I'm still glad I ran upon this book, but instead of seeing signs that we'll be friends forever, I feel more equipped with signs to watch out for.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have loved my friendships like this in the past, mostly in my college days. Too bad they are hard to come by right now in my family oriented suburban life. I'm accepting application! I enjoyed these stories. They had great variety and lots of different tones and perspectives and moods. a lot of fun.

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

No, there wasn't much terribly deep about the stories but I'm not sure that was the intent. Gay men and their fruit flies have always been known for quite superficial relationships. Yes, there are deep ones, but many are superficial.

The stories were cute though nothing spectacular.