Please, I feel like I read a totally different book than everyone else. I should give up, I know I should give up on these Red Tower Books! This one was at least.. ~*finishable*~ I guess. Although most of it I read out of pure rage. Buckle up, this one is long. And there's a scooch of spoilers.
This book was bad. It was readable, and I can understand why a lot of romance readers especially could find it entertaining. But it found that it was soooo flat. The writing was horribly immature, especially for a book labeled as new adult. It read very young, like that either Lyra is straight up saying the F word or she's like "like oh my freaking gods." She read much more like a 17 year old than 23 which she's described as being. Also on page like, 12, she says something like "ok lyra popping off" 😬 I almost stopped reading. Here's some more lines I recorded as being some of the dumbest I've ever read:
"Hades is back in thundercloud mode."
"My heart goes a little fetal."
"She's back in va-va-voom mode."
-(this one is talking about Aphrodite wearing yoga pants. She's also ~*not like other girls*~)
So, Lyra, our main character, is cursed by Zeus, because her mom gave birth to her in his temple?! 🤣🤣🤣 and he's pissed I guess that her mom got birthing fluid on his marble floor so he curses Lyra to be "unlovable." Lol. So she is but also isn't because the curse is mentioned only when I think the author forgot to say it every couple of pages. And it's up to interpretation I guess because Lyra definitely makes friends in this tournament she's trying to win as Hades contestant. Even when she repeatedy tells everyone she doesn't HAVE friends because she's UNLOVABLE. Anyway. So that's a very huge and very forgettable plot point.
Also, she's literally the worst part of the book, and we're stuck with her single POV the whole (unnecessary) 500 pages. Her inner monologue is so bland and monotonous, yet everything that comes out of her mouth is "sassy," and "sarcastic" and then in her head she was like "omg that was so sassy and sarcastic of me." 🤦🏼♀️ She was given by her super shitty, temple-baby-having parents, to the Thieving Guild (or whatever the fuck dumb name she gave it) when Lyra was 3 years old, to "pay off the family debts."
What family debts you ask?
Who knows.
I don't.
It's never explained. But what makes Lyra ~*different*~ is that she's a REALLY BAD THIEF and she tells us that repeatedly. And like she really is quite stupid. There's 12 "labors" (trials) that she has to try to win so that Hades can become the King of the Gods, and Lyra literally does not complete a single one of them without help from magical tattoos, the other contestants, or straight up cheating. She is truly very stupid.
She also apparently has a humming "problem" which I read as a vocal stim, probably from autism, which could have been a cool character trait and would explain.. like a lot actually. But that's never actually addressed except to help her VERY ACCIDENTALLY win just one of the labors, and also! Every character in the book fucking HATES it when she hums! Like damn just let her self soothe or whatever.
Speaking of the other characters, literally 12 other Greek gods and goddesses, they all have a contestant, so there's 24-30ish named characters in this book. WAY too MANY. I had no idea who anyone was and cared less and less about each one. The author also drags this poor Boone guy into the story, because Lyra has a crush on him, and he says like, "Sorry Lyra, I don't feel the same way about you," and then he KISSES HER "like a friend" 😂 and then he dies. In such a stupid way. Also they had spoken maybe twice before she admits her crush and then they're literally bffs for about 4 pages. I don't know, it's so dumb. I hated every character in this book. Oh, and not to mention the character we actually hate, Neve, who is a massive bitch, DIES OFF SCREEN and the other contestants LITERALLY say "she was a bitch, but she was our bitch" aaahahahaha who in the CW do you think you are 😂😂
The romance between her and Hades was the cringiest thing I've ever read. Her calls her a pet name, "My Star" within about 3 paragraphs of them meeting. Then calls her it like 35,000 times throughout the book. (~*pet name trope*~) 🤢 And so you're like ok maybe there's a reason to this nickname like he knows something about her past or future that could be foreshadowing. But no. I think he just picked it and stuck with it. Also at one point Hades says something and Lyra was like "omg who told you" and he says "my brother" and holds up his CELL PHONE with a GrOuP ChAt wItH thE GoDs?! 😩 I understand it's modern or whatever but please. It's bad enough Aphrodite is nicknamed "Addie" and she's wearing a top knot and yoga pants, and Hades is wearing tight acid wash jeans while making fried eggs in the morning. I cannot.
Besides the poor writing and horrible characters, the actual format of this book was strange as well. A chapter would stop in the middle of a scene and pick up right back into the same scene in the next chapter. But they're like... Standing in the kitchen. There was so rhyme or reason to the length or content of what made a chapter begin and end. So strange.
I know I did this to myself. This is now the THIRD Red Tower book that I've obliterated in my reviews. They got lucky with an author like Rebecca Yarros and Fourth Wing. Although I've said it a million times, Fourth Wing and Iron Flame are NOT works of art. Obviously. But the writing was good at least. For the most part. I don't know anymore actually.