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If I Don't Return: A Father's Wartime Journal
"This journal was once a gift to our young sons. It is now a gift to anyone who cares to read it."
When Major Mark Hertling deployed to Iraq in 1990 as the operations officer of an armored cavalry squadron, his unit was told 50 percent of them would likely sustain casualties. To him, that meant he might not return home and may perhaps never see his family again. To prepare for that potential outcome, he began keeping a journal, hoping that one day, if he didn't return, his stories and wisdom would be passed to his young sons.
In an army-issued green notebook, Mark began recording his thoughts and hopes for his boys. He wrote of character, leadership, camaraderie, battles, cultural differences, religion, love, fear, and the things he wanted his boys to know about him and his experiences. In unfiltered, handwritten entries, Hertling captured the reality of combat in Operation Desert the waiting and missions, the chaos and courage, the brotherhood and grief, and the lessons of duty and humanity forged in war. What began as a father's private messages became a rare chronicle of leadership and life in preparation for the crucible of battle.
But he survived, returned home, and was able to watch his boys grow into men. Decades later, after both his sons became combat veterans themselves, one of them typed those original pages as a gift to his dad—to preserve the legacy for the family's next generation. In revisiting those original journal entries, Hertling—having been promoted, having served in various positions, and having returned to the battlefields of Iraq over the next two decades—added reflections drawn from his life. Reflecting on various military assignments, then his post-retirement jobs as a cable news analyst, health care executive, and professor of leadership, these journal entries now provide valuable lessons on character, leadership, and service.
Part battlefield memoir, part father's journal, part meditation on the challenges of leadership, If I Don't Return is the story of a soldier who faced death, returned home, and continued to live a life of service.
When Major Mark Hertling deployed to Iraq in 1990 as the operations officer of an armored cavalry squadron, his unit was told 50 percent of them would likely sustain casualties. To him, that meant he might not return home and may perhaps never see his family again. To prepare for that potential outcome, he began keeping a journal, hoping that one day, if he didn't return, his stories and wisdom would be passed to his young sons.
In an army-issued green notebook, Mark began recording his thoughts and hopes for his boys. He wrote of character, leadership, camaraderie, battles, cultural differences, religion, love, fear, and the things he wanted his boys to know about him and his experiences. In unfiltered, handwritten entries, Hertling captured the reality of combat in Operation Desert the waiting and missions, the chaos and courage, the brotherhood and grief, and the lessons of duty and humanity forged in war. What began as a father's private messages became a rare chronicle of leadership and life in preparation for the crucible of battle.
But he survived, returned home, and was able to watch his boys grow into men. Decades later, after both his sons became combat veterans themselves, one of them typed those original pages as a gift to his dad—to preserve the legacy for the family's next generation. In revisiting those original journal entries, Hertling—having been promoted, having served in various positions, and having returned to the battlefields of Iraq over the next two decades—added reflections drawn from his life. Reflecting on various military assignments, then his post-retirement jobs as a cable news analyst, health care executive, and professor of leadership, these journal entries now provide valuable lessons on character, leadership, and service.
Part battlefield memoir, part father's journal, part meditation on the challenges of leadership, If I Don't Return is the story of a soldier who faced death, returned home, and continued to live a life of service.
- GenresMemoirHistoryNonfiction
350 pages, Hardcover
Published March 10, 2026
172 people are currently reading
455 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
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March 13, 2026WSJ's reviewer gave this book high marks:
https://www.wsj.com/arts-culture/book...
(Paywalled. As always, I'm happy to email a copy to non-subscribers)
Excerpts:
"Both of Mr. Hertling’s sons grew up to become Army officers, deploying multiple times to Iraq and elsewhere. (I belonged to the same ROTC battalion as Mr. Hertling’s eldest; he once spent a long afternoon teaching me how to march.) Military service in 21st-century America has increasingly become a family trade—according to Pew, 70% of new recruits report a family member serving before them...."
"Mr. Hertling didn’t return home after Saddam’s defeat in 1991. In the liminal space after combat, Mr. Hertling played volleyball with Iraqi deserters. A group of American soldiers found rotting corpses in the desert that had been left there for weeks. They buried them as no one else was around to do it. Returning from war is never clean nor quick."
This sort of thing makes me eternally grateful that I manged to stay out of combat during my service, during the Vietnam war.
https://www.wsj.com/arts-culture/book...
(Paywalled. As always, I'm happy to email a copy to non-subscribers)
Excerpts:
"Both of Mr. Hertling’s sons grew up to become Army officers, deploying multiple times to Iraq and elsewhere. (I belonged to the same ROTC battalion as Mr. Hertling’s eldest; he once spent a long afternoon teaching me how to march.) Military service in 21st-century America has increasingly become a family trade—according to Pew, 70% of new recruits report a family member serving before them...."
"Mr. Hertling didn’t return home after Saddam’s defeat in 1991. In the liminal space after combat, Mr. Hertling played volleyball with Iraqi deserters. A group of American soldiers found rotting corpses in the desert that had been left there for weeks. They buried them as no one else was around to do it. Returning from war is never clean nor quick."
This sort of thing makes me eternally grateful that I manged to stay out of combat during my service, during the Vietnam war.
March 16, 2026
The humility that he possesses is so powerful for his experience as a US Army General, is truly remarkable.
Currently reading
March 18, 2026I heard an interview with the author and it sounded so fascinating that I went right out and got the book and am listening to it now.
March 18, 2026
A great read!
One of the best, if not the best, memoirs I have ever read. Every person who aspires to leadership should read and heed the leadership lessons in this text.
One of the best, if not the best, memoirs I have ever read. Every person who aspires to leadership should read and heed the leadership lessons in this text.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews