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The Three-Martini Playdate: A Practical Guide to Happy Parenting
Parents were here first! How did the kids suddenly take control? Sure the world has changed from the days when children were supposed to be seen and not heard, but things have gotten a little out of hand. What about some quality time for the grownups? Author Christie Mellor's hilarious, personal, refreshing, and actually quite useful advice delightfully rights the balance between parent and child. In dozens of short, wickedly funny chapters, she skewers today's parental absurdities and reminds us how to make child-rearing a kick. With recipes, helpful hints, and illustrations, this high-spirited book is the only book parents will really need and enjoy.
144 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2004
25 people are currently reading
484 people want to read
About the author
Christie Mellor
12 books4 followersAuthor of The Three-Martini Playdate, Fun Without Dick & Jane, three other books and a few screenplays, SAG/ATRA member and former working actor, singer of Depression-era and original songs with Doozy (in Los Angeles), and lifelong self-taught artist. Born & raised in San Francisco, lived many years in Los Angeles, then painted in a small kitchen in New York City, now painting on another small island somewhere.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 194 reviews
October 16, 2007
I very much enjoyed this cheeky little book. Told in a tongue-and-cheek style, infused with some real advice, it's a humorous reminder that we all need to have a life outside our kids who will one day (sooner than we might hope or expect) have lives of their own. Remember when we used to entertain ourselves and the immense imaginations we cultivated as a result? I often fear I'm overly entertaining my only-child in hopes of providing him with plenty of enriching opportunities. The author reminds us that even "boredom" is necessary for a developing mind.
So here's to my dear friend, Helga, who can turn even a "playdate" into a lovely adult happy hour. My next "enriching" lesson for my dear toddler who always wants to help ("I help!") will be to teach him the fine art of a perfectly chilled glass ("hot vs cold"), how to swirl the vermouth just so ("fine motor skill development"), how to spear a toothpick with olives ("hand eye-coordination and counting skills--'I'll take 2 olives, please'"), and how to pour ice-cold vodka with out spilling a drop ("domestic skills"). Cheers!
So here's to my dear friend, Helga, who can turn even a "playdate" into a lovely adult happy hour. My next "enriching" lesson for my dear toddler who always wants to help ("I help!") will be to teach him the fine art of a perfectly chilled glass ("hot vs cold"), how to swirl the vermouth just so ("fine motor skill development"), how to spear a toothpick with olives ("hand eye-coordination and counting skills--'I'll take 2 olives, please'"), and how to pour ice-cold vodka with out spilling a drop ("domestic skills"). Cheers!
December 15, 2008
For those of us sick of hearing about things like "attachment parenting" and "kindergarten readiness."
November 15, 2012
My full review can be found at http://thisfelicitouslife.wordpress.com.
If I were to give advice for a first-time mom it would be
Don't listen to any advice, but
If you have to listen to advice, listen to mine, and my advice is
Don't read any parenting books, but
If you have to read a parenting book, read this one!
When Girl 1 was born, I read lots of Dr. Sears and La Leche League and (worst of all) Parents magazine. I went around in a sleep-deprived, raging hormone-induced fog of Mommy Guilt. If my baby wanted to suckle 24/7 I worried that I should nurse her 24/7, even though she was happy enough with the pacifier. If she fussed after 5 minutes in the swing or bouncy seat, maybe I wasn't holding her enough. Maybe I should have given her baby massages and played more This Little Piggy with her. Maybe I should have carried her around in a sling all the time, and it was selfish of me to want to put her down for 10 minutes here or there to make dinner or take a shower. If my priorities were in place maybe I wouldn't care about such trifling matters. Shame, shame, shame.
Oh how I wish I had read this book instead.
The Three-Martini Playdate, by Christie Mellor, makes some simple points in a very humorous way: Learn to say "No" to your child. Don't allow your child to become a brat. It's okay to have some time to yourself and tell your child, "Go Play" or "Go to bed." Your child will be better off in the long run if you disabuse him of the notion that he is the center of the universe. While you're at it, teach him how to mix up a martini for you and your friends. Ms. Mellor is basically a funny, cocktail-fixated Dr. Dobson.
The basic premise of The Three-Martini Playdate is valid at any stage: you do not need to be a slave to your child to be a good parent. I find this particularly compelling after reading about a study by the University of California on child-rearing practices of the American middle class. The study found that American middle-class families tend to be "child-centered" and "raise [children] to be relatively dependent, even when the kids have the skills to act on their own." In contrast, young children in other societies are "expected to contribute substantially to the community," which in some cultures even includes serving food to their elders and waiting to eat until their parents are finished!!! Can you imagine? Perhaps Ms. Mellor is right on in suggesting that we teach our children to make us martinis!
In addition to her martini tutorials, Ms. Mellor intersperses her child-rearing wisdom with other humorous and clearly tongue-in-cheek asides. For instance, to have your cooking appreciated: invite a Southern bachelor over for dinner!
Southern bachelors are ideal, as they are unfailingly polite even after having polished off a third of the Maker's Mark, and they are often eccentric, which makes them wonderful dining companions. . . . Your bachelor may ask for seconds, and even thirds. He will ask of your spouse, "Do you always get to eat this well?" in that sweet little drawl. He will ooh and aah, and eagerly gobble up whatever you put in front of him.
Too fun.
My post here probably needs two quick disclaimers:
Every child needs to know he is loved, to be nurtured, to feel that he is secure. Far too many adults take a parents-first approach too far and neglect or even abuse their children. But you know what? Those aren't the people who read parenting books!
If you take an attachment parenting/ child-centric approach and it works for you, that's great. If there's one thing I've learned in four years in the crazy game called parenting it's that each child and each family is unique. Some kids need chocolate-covered coffee beans; some need Benadryl. As long as you raise your child to do their duty to God and neighbor and vote Republican (kidding!), that's cool with me.
No matter what route you take, though, you should read this book. It will make you laugh.
If I were to give advice for a first-time mom it would be
Don't listen to any advice, but
If you have to listen to advice, listen to mine, and my advice is
Don't read any parenting books, but
If you have to read a parenting book, read this one!
When Girl 1 was born, I read lots of Dr. Sears and La Leche League and (worst of all) Parents magazine. I went around in a sleep-deprived, raging hormone-induced fog of Mommy Guilt. If my baby wanted to suckle 24/7 I worried that I should nurse her 24/7, even though she was happy enough with the pacifier. If she fussed after 5 minutes in the swing or bouncy seat, maybe I wasn't holding her enough. Maybe I should have given her baby massages and played more This Little Piggy with her. Maybe I should have carried her around in a sling all the time, and it was selfish of me to want to put her down for 10 minutes here or there to make dinner or take a shower. If my priorities were in place maybe I wouldn't care about such trifling matters. Shame, shame, shame.
Oh how I wish I had read this book instead.
The Three-Martini Playdate, by Christie Mellor, makes some simple points in a very humorous way: Learn to say "No" to your child. Don't allow your child to become a brat. It's okay to have some time to yourself and tell your child, "Go Play" or "Go to bed." Your child will be better off in the long run if you disabuse him of the notion that he is the center of the universe. While you're at it, teach him how to mix up a martini for you and your friends. Ms. Mellor is basically a funny, cocktail-fixated Dr. Dobson.
The basic premise of The Three-Martini Playdate is valid at any stage: you do not need to be a slave to your child to be a good parent. I find this particularly compelling after reading about a study by the University of California on child-rearing practices of the American middle class. The study found that American middle-class families tend to be "child-centered" and "raise [children] to be relatively dependent, even when the kids have the skills to act on their own." In contrast, young children in other societies are "expected to contribute substantially to the community," which in some cultures even includes serving food to their elders and waiting to eat until their parents are finished!!! Can you imagine? Perhaps Ms. Mellor is right on in suggesting that we teach our children to make us martinis!
In addition to her martini tutorials, Ms. Mellor intersperses her child-rearing wisdom with other humorous and clearly tongue-in-cheek asides. For instance, to have your cooking appreciated: invite a Southern bachelor over for dinner!
Southern bachelors are ideal, as they are unfailingly polite even after having polished off a third of the Maker's Mark, and they are often eccentric, which makes them wonderful dining companions. . . . Your bachelor may ask for seconds, and even thirds. He will ask of your spouse, "Do you always get to eat this well?" in that sweet little drawl. He will ooh and aah, and eagerly gobble up whatever you put in front of him.
Too fun.
My post here probably needs two quick disclaimers:
Every child needs to know he is loved, to be nurtured, to feel that he is secure. Far too many adults take a parents-first approach too far and neglect or even abuse their children. But you know what? Those aren't the people who read parenting books!
If you take an attachment parenting/ child-centric approach and it works for you, that's great. If there's one thing I've learned in four years in the crazy game called parenting it's that each child and each family is unique. Some kids need chocolate-covered coffee beans; some need Benadryl. As long as you raise your child to do their duty to God and neighbor and vote Republican (kidding!), that's cool with me.
No matter what route you take, though, you should read this book. It will make you laugh.
March 15, 2013
Sigh. What a crappy time-waster of a book. I have no problem with books that poke fun at motherhood and raising kids (I quite liked I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids: Reinventing Modern Motherhood). But the author of this comes across as one of those people that causes me to scratch my head and think, "Uh, why did you ever have kids if you dislike them so much?"
She picks some strange topics to have issues with, such as childproofing. She laments going to someone's house for dinner and finding that the toilet seat is childproofed, and she wonders why the people can't just tell their children to stay out of the toilet water. Ooooooooh, so THAT'S what I should do - just tell my newly-mobile 10 month old that playing in the the toilet water and throwing things into it isn't acceptable. Whyever didn't I think of that before?! *face-->palm*
I was also annoyed at her outlook on other parents. She comes across as one of those parents who spends most of her time judging other parents. She says that she hates when new parents say they've "learned so much" from their new baby, and says, "Like what? How to crap your pants?" I've learned a lot from my young child, both about myself and about the world. Maybe that's a bit more philosophical than the author was thinking, but I guess that's my point: she's so flippant about everything related to child-rearing that it seems she takes no pleasure in it whatsoever.
I'm still angry at having wasted an hour of my life reading this.
She picks some strange topics to have issues with, such as childproofing. She laments going to someone's house for dinner and finding that the toilet seat is childproofed, and she wonders why the people can't just tell their children to stay out of the toilet water. Ooooooooh, so THAT'S what I should do - just tell my newly-mobile 10 month old that playing in the the toilet water and throwing things into it isn't acceptable. Whyever didn't I think of that before?! *face-->palm*
I was also annoyed at her outlook on other parents. She comes across as one of those parents who spends most of her time judging other parents. She says that she hates when new parents say they've "learned so much" from their new baby, and says, "Like what? How to crap your pants?" I've learned a lot from my young child, both about myself and about the world. Maybe that's a bit more philosophical than the author was thinking, but I guess that's my point: she's so flippant about everything related to child-rearing that it seems she takes no pleasure in it whatsoever.
I'm still angry at having wasted an hour of my life reading this.
July 10, 2010
I hated this book more than I can say. What a mean, mean woman who seems to have nothing but contempt for children. I get that she was going for the tongue in cheek tone, but it just wasn't funny at all. Not because she was talking about taboo things, (I've had playdates in several London pubs, so the whole alcohol with kids thing isn't all that bizarre to me) but just because she's not a very good writer and seems to think that children are solely a burden and can't be any fun at all.
September 14, 2010
It's a really sad statement that there's even a market for books like this, but there you have it. Mellor is preaching to the choir with me, but my mother-in-law and sister-in-law would throw this book into the fire for her stance that parents should have a life outside of their kids, for the GOOD of their kids. Thank goodness there are books like this for those of us who enjoy the sound of a baby rattle as much as the rattle of a martini shaker and the laughter of good friends. A fast, funny read.
January 30, 2009
This book should be required reading for all new parents. It sheds a sardonic light on todays parenting method of making the child the king of the household, by reminding us that it wasn't so long ago that children were born merely for labor on the farm. It's light-hearted, 1950s Good Housekeeping approach is fun, and the writing is breezy, all while tackling topics such as: Child Labor, Our Untapped Resource, Children's Music, Why?
May 1, 2008
A reality check for any new parent. I wish more moms read this book! Very funny and very true! (Warning: written with excessive sarcasim! If you take everything literally, don't read this book!)
April 1, 2013
Good read. Interesting points about parenting written in a easy to read and funny format
March 14, 2019
Snarky, sarcastic, and quite entertaining if you’re into that sort of thing. Some chapters are a little dated since this was published in 2004, but most of the commentary is surprisingly still relevant (and wonderfully ridiculous). I would recommend this one for a good self-deprecating laugh rather than actual parenting advice, although there are a few decent tips thrown in.
February 18, 2019
An interesting sense if humor book. Some chapters were silly, yet thought-provoking, others were skipped as unhelpful. I want to make note of the music that is mentioned to introduce your child to.
February 12, 2009
I love this book! I laughed my butt off. The Three-Martini Playdate is well-written, tongue-in-cheek, extremely funny and somewhat sarcastic (without being nasty) look at parenting and the art of putting it all into perspective. So many parents have gotten completely wrapped up in our children that we have let things get out of balance. This book puts many of those things that have developed in the world of parenting (like those over-the-top, crazy birthday parties and having our children's every waking moment scheduled with activities) back into the real world. I think I'll buy these for every new mother I know. I loved some of the chapter titles like "Bedtime: Is 5:30 Too Early?" "Child Labor: Not Just For the Third World!" and "Children's Birthday Parties: Not Just for Children". Good stuff!
June 28, 2017
I am not sure what the author was intending with her overall tone. There were a few moments of humorous sarcasm, but ultimately I got the impression that she was actually just a very judgemental person with some super specific ideas about how everyone should be raising their children. The actual advice presented here was filled with the fairly obvious, including takeaways like "it's ok to say no to your kids", "kids should be polite in public", "kids don't need a lot of TV or material stuff to be happy", etc etc. My husband picked this up for me I think because it appeared to be tongue-in-cheek, lighthearted fun, but it came off as the opposite for me and was a bit of a chore to read since it was so snarky.
January 31, 2008
Not useful in the least, but pretty funny. A nice response to all of the kum-by-ya parenting books that seem to think discipline is a four letter word. Chapters include "Screaming: Is It Necessary", "Saying No to Your Child: It's a Kick!" and "Bedtime: Is Five-Thirty Too Early?". Any book that tells you to teach your child how to mix a gin and tonic so you can have help hosting social functions has my vote.
August 8, 2011
This book was a refreshing break from the other baby "how-to" books we've seen. I'm not sure I came away with a lot of practical tips, but it was most entertaining and helped to give some perspective on life with a youngster. I am now optimistic that with the proper guidance our child will soon be preparing mixed drinks for us as we engage in lively, extended conversation with adult guests.
Thanks to Hazel & George for the recommendation! Highly recommended for new parents!
Thanks to Hazel & George for the recommendation! Highly recommended for new parents!
June 18, 2010
I received this book as a baby shower gift for baby #4 - I wish I had read it years ago but I probably would not have appreciated it. This book is laugh out loud funny. The author's tone is very tongue-in-cheek but she makes some legitimate points. Although I do not promote actually drinking 3 martinis at a playdate, I have been known to provide mimosas or margaritas...for the adults only, of course. Cheers!
March 12, 2015
Too funny! This tongue-in-cheek take on current parenting issues was spot-on. Maybe you aren't a smoker and a vodka drinker, but Mellor made her points with panache. Our children shouldn't run our lives, they don't need to be signed up for every sport and activity, feeding them shouldn't be a challenge beyond making dinner, and no one should get a trophy just for showing up (after their parents fork out hundreds of dollars). Babies are portable. Martinis are shake-able.
October 30, 2008
Love this book. It's cynical (teach your child how to mix a martini--genius!), funny, and I read it in an evening.
The author implores parents (particularly mothers) to spend this time fostering friendships, because in a few short years, our children will want nothing to do with us and, without friends, we'll be all alone... knitting... for our cats.
The author implores parents (particularly mothers) to spend this time fostering friendships, because in a few short years, our children will want nothing to do with us and, without friends, we'll be all alone... knitting... for our cats.
March 26, 2013
I really wanted to love this book...with a title like that who wouldn't? It was okay. There were parts that were truly funny but (and I am not sure if this is what the author was going for) most of it felt like I was being talked to like a toddler. I couldn't get past the condescending tone of her advice even when it was pretty funny.
March 19, 2009
A practical guide to happy parenting indeed. Useful, stern and realistic advice contradicting now-common practices of letting a child wear the pants in the house. Written in a very humerous manner and extremely entertaining. So funny because it's so true!
July 14, 2012
The gist: don't let your kids run your life. A hilarious read, as I am a fan of super-martini-dry-humor. I almost woke my kids up because I was laughing...and I would have just told them to go back to bed, because that's what Christie Mellor would advise me to do, I'm sure. ;)
October 23, 2013
Really funny book. I liked the advice about not letting kids rule your life, teaching them to play alone, and enjoying adult time at night. The last few chapters were a little dry but 90% of the book was really good.
August 3, 2011
Funny, tongue-in-cheek style with some valid points about not over-thinking the parenting and remembering to be an adult in an adult world. Maybe tries too hard to be funny.
April 21, 2019
A hilarious, tongue-in-cheek look at parenting. I wish the parents of my students would read this. I have seen a shift in parenting in my 12+ years of teaching and this book addresses many of my concerns. It's quick, witty and highly recommended for parents, soon-to-be parents and just-in-the-planning-stages.
Memorable quotes:
Intro, p. 2 Let us be perfectly frank. You were here first. You are sharing your house with them, your food, your time, your books.......We have made concession after concession, until it appears that well-educated, otherwise intelligent adults have abdicated their rightful place in the world, and the littlest inmates have taken over the asylum.
Intro, p. 5 Some parents believe that their offspring are channeling the very angels, and who can blame them, as little Josefina and young Mylar are such dolls? Please, I encourage you to keep this information to yourself. Your darling Buster may wear a golden halo, and I know the temptation is great to point it out to friends and strangers alike, but you must not. Just as it would be bad form to discuss one's personal savior at a dinner party full of atheists, it would be wise to assume that even many fellow parents will stare with frozen smiles when the serene first-timer says in that smug, knowing way, "Having Haley has just changed my life."
Chapter 1, p. 5 Learn to say no to your children while they are still young and somewhat malleable, and it will be like money in the bank when they reach those really unbearable hormone-laden years.
Chapter 6, p. 3 (on videoing every event of your child's life) But for whom are you really doing this? Who will be the beneficiary of this minutely recorded history? You are denying yourself experiencing the moment, because you think your little Simba will be deprived sometime in the future.
Chapter 19, p. 1 As much as we must encourage our children's interests and efforts, as much as we should praise them when they work hard and do well, we do not need to continually assure our wee ones that they are brilliant and can do no wrong, especially when they engage in an activity at which they are mediocre, at best. It is not our job to protect our children from every little slight and hurt and bad feeling.
Chapter 19, p. 4-5 What is winning without a million failures? Why have we made it so easy for children to succeed at everything, constantly lowering the bar so that their mere presence merits a gold statuette? If a child never accepts, or even embraces, his failures, what a blow it will be when one day he is teased, or rejected, or experiences one of the many failures that are simply part of the childhood itinerary.
Perhaps the most egregious example of this kind of coddling is the bowling bumper. This horrifying invention, which has begun to pop up at every bowling alley birthday party, keeps your child's bowling ball from ever going into the gutters. Children bowling with bumpers never truly understand the heartbreak of a gutter ball. They also never really learn how to bowl, or discover the excitement of making a real strike.
Chapter 20, p. 4 It is actually possible for your youngster to have a happy childhood without filling every spare moment with mandatory supervised activities.
Epilogue p.3-4 Do not make your child your only hobby or you will end up waiting by the telephone in a cheery room covered in brittle, yellowed crayon drawings, regaling those few friends that are left with stale anecdotes about your youngster's accomplishments.
Memorable quotes:
Intro, p. 2 Let us be perfectly frank. You were here first. You are sharing your house with them, your food, your time, your books.......We have made concession after concession, until it appears that well-educated, otherwise intelligent adults have abdicated their rightful place in the world, and the littlest inmates have taken over the asylum.
Intro, p. 5 Some parents believe that their offspring are channeling the very angels, and who can blame them, as little Josefina and young Mylar are such dolls? Please, I encourage you to keep this information to yourself. Your darling Buster may wear a golden halo, and I know the temptation is great to point it out to friends and strangers alike, but you must not. Just as it would be bad form to discuss one's personal savior at a dinner party full of atheists, it would be wise to assume that even many fellow parents will stare with frozen smiles when the serene first-timer says in that smug, knowing way, "Having Haley has just changed my life."
Chapter 1, p. 5 Learn to say no to your children while they are still young and somewhat malleable, and it will be like money in the bank when they reach those really unbearable hormone-laden years.
Chapter 6, p. 3 (on videoing every event of your child's life) But for whom are you really doing this? Who will be the beneficiary of this minutely recorded history? You are denying yourself experiencing the moment, because you think your little Simba will be deprived sometime in the future.
Chapter 19, p. 1 As much as we must encourage our children's interests and efforts, as much as we should praise them when they work hard and do well, we do not need to continually assure our wee ones that they are brilliant and can do no wrong, especially when they engage in an activity at which they are mediocre, at best. It is not our job to protect our children from every little slight and hurt and bad feeling.
Chapter 19, p. 4-5 What is winning without a million failures? Why have we made it so easy for children to succeed at everything, constantly lowering the bar so that their mere presence merits a gold statuette? If a child never accepts, or even embraces, his failures, what a blow it will be when one day he is teased, or rejected, or experiences one of the many failures that are simply part of the childhood itinerary.
Perhaps the most egregious example of this kind of coddling is the bowling bumper. This horrifying invention, which has begun to pop up at every bowling alley birthday party, keeps your child's bowling ball from ever going into the gutters. Children bowling with bumpers never truly understand the heartbreak of a gutter ball. They also never really learn how to bowl, or discover the excitement of making a real strike.
Chapter 20, p. 4 It is actually possible for your youngster to have a happy childhood without filling every spare moment with mandatory supervised activities.
Epilogue p.3-4 Do not make your child your only hobby or you will end up waiting by the telephone in a cheery room covered in brittle, yellowed crayon drawings, regaling those few friends that are left with stale anecdotes about your youngster's accomplishments.
March 23, 2025
Definitely cheeky. I will say though that sometimes I found it a little unclear when she (the author) was being cheeky and when she was being serious, lol. Especially in the beginning. At times, I was left going "uhhhh..." until it became clearer. I eventually learned to just take basically the entire book as cheekiness, with understanding that really only the main theme/topic of each chapter was serious (if you read the book, I think you'll know what I mean). Definitely poked fun at permissive parenting and helicoptering, which I didn't mind because those aren't my preferred styles.
I also had to go and look at when this book was written (2004) because some of the language chosen (see chapter 11, for example) honestly made my mouth hang open for a second, lol.
Not really a parenting book to learn from in my opinion, but definitely an opinionated light read you can chuckle at. Even though I didn't agree with all of her opinions, it was still amusing. And it was nice to have a book focused on mom prioritizing a social life!
I also had to go and look at when this book was written (2004) because some of the language chosen (see chapter 11, for example) honestly made my mouth hang open for a second, lol.
Not really a parenting book to learn from in my opinion, but definitely an opinionated light read you can chuckle at. Even though I didn't agree with all of her opinions, it was still amusing. And it was nice to have a book focused on mom prioritizing a social life!
May 30, 2017
I have read a handful of humorous parenting books and this is not one of them. To me the author is either 1. A very bitter woman without a child who hates all of her friends' children or 2. A woman who should not be a parent and who I feel bad for her children if she is. This book was not in the slightest bit funny, the entire time I felt annoyed and kept wondering, if she did have children, why?? Pick another funny parenting book and save your time on this one, the only good thing about it was that it was short.
May 21, 2020
A satire of how to not let your child run your life after they are born. Love the few drink recipes that are included. Nice light, fun read for parents and parent-to-be.
January 19, 2021
Very cute tongue in check approach to parenting. Fun read between tantrums 🍸🍸🍸
October 14, 2022
Funny, snarky yet surprisingly practical guide to parenting that counters some of the excesses of today’s overboard parenting styles.
November 30, 2023
Hilarious!!!
Displaying 1 - 30 of 194 reviews