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Mamaleh Knows Best: What Jewish Mothers Do to Raise Successful, Creative, Empathetic, Independent Children
We all know the stereotype of the Jewish mother: Hectoring, guilt-inducing, clingy as a limpet. In Mamaleh Knows Best, Tablet Magazine columnist Marjorie Ingall smashes this tired trope with a hammer.
Blending personal anecdotes, humor, historical texts, and scientific research, Ingall shares Jewish secrets for raising self-sufficient, ethical, and accomplished children. She offers abundant examples showing how Jewish mothers have nurtured their children’s independence, fostered discipline, urged a healthy distrust of authority, consciously cultivated geekiness and kindness, stressed education, and maintained a sense of humor.
These time-tested strategies are the reason Jews have triumphed in a wide variety of settings and fields over the vast span of history. Ingall will make you think, she will make you laugh, and she will make you a better parent. You might not produce a Nobel Prize winner, but you’ll definitely get a great human being.
Blending personal anecdotes, humor, historical texts, and scientific research, Ingall shares Jewish secrets for raising self-sufficient, ethical, and accomplished children. She offers abundant examples showing how Jewish mothers have nurtured their children’s independence, fostered discipline, urged a healthy distrust of authority, consciously cultivated geekiness and kindness, stressed education, and maintained a sense of humor.
These time-tested strategies are the reason Jews have triumphed in a wide variety of settings and fields over the vast span of history. Ingall will make you think, she will make you laugh, and she will make you a better parent. You might not produce a Nobel Prize winner, but you’ll definitely get a great human being.
256 pages, Hardcover
First published March 22, 2016
74 people are currently reading
1123 people want to read
About the author
Marjorie Ingall
8 books148 followersMarjorie Ingall is the co-author, with internationally bestselling author Susan McCarthy, of Sorry, Sorry, Sorry: The Case for Good Apologies (now out in paperback as Getting to Sorry) and the author of Mamaleh Knows Best. A frequent contributor to The New York Times Book Review, she's a former columnist for Tablet Magazine and The Forward (where she was known as “The East Village Mamele”). She's written for a whole lot of other publications and ghostwritten other people's books. Way back in the day, she was the senior writer and books editor at Sassy. Fun fact: She worked on the launch of the Oxygen TV network, but discovered that her perkiness levels were not up to a job in daytime TV.
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May 10, 2020
MMMMMMMOTHER'S DAY!!!!!!
whenever a goodreads friend asks you to read their book, there's always that momentary burst of panic. what if it's not good, what if they're very sensitive, what if my reaction to it causes awkwardness on the internet???
but, man, does that pressure lessen when it's a parenting book about how using the values of judaism to raise your child will increase your likelihood of raising an awesome kid, and you have no children and no plans to breed and you can just sit back and read it, relieved that since you have absolutely no authority to judge this book's usefulness in practice, your lack of qualifications make any response you have to the book utterly meaningless.
which is very freeing.
i have never ever read a parenting book, so i have no clue how this stacks up to others of its kind, but this one has such a strong voice, and is such an excellent mixture of history, personal anecdote, theology, pop culture, and common sense, it's an absolute delight to read, and while it didn't make me wanna spawn, it did make me think that if a baby immaculately popped out of my lady-bits, i would totally use this book to guide it to awesomeness.
you don't have to have an ounce of jewishness in you to get something out of this book. as the author says, Jewish motherhood is a philosophy, not an identity!, and the lessons here are not religious in tone, but they emphasize the jewish values of community, family, reading, awareness of the world around you and your place in it, independence, good deeds without the expectation of praise, and just general menschiness.
and it is FUNNY!
i grew up in a place with a very small jewish population (rhode island - which is coincidentally where the author is from, and when she mentioned ocean state job lot, my heart did a little flip), before moving to a place with a very large jewish population (new york city - also like the author, who apparently lives right near this hell's angels club where i once had a really great conversation with a biker about paradise lost). my familiarity with the jewish faith has all been experienced through reading or watching things, and i know the basics, but this book did an excellent job detailing the values, priorities, and other important touchpoints through lively discussions of ritual, historical elements, stereotypes, and everyday practice, so even if you know nothing, you will learn what you need to know.
there's no sense of superiority here:
I don't necessarily think Jews are smarter then other groups. Maybe we just read more. If I actually believed that Jews were inherently brainier than other people due to our awesome Jewy genes, I would not be writing a book telling you that Jewish parenting is worth emulating. Also, I would be insufferable.
and all the proof you need that this lady is worth listening to is in her astute observations about parenting trends:
When we helicopter-parent, we not only don't teach our children independence, we teach them that they're doomed to fail - or at least fall short. Because they quickly learn that in the real world, which shockingly does not, in fact, revolve around them, they won't be repeatedly told they're perfect. We teach them to be cynical (because we've lied to them) and contemptuous of themselves and others (because no one can live up to the impossible standard that's been set for them).
and on too-easy praise:
Help your child in their quest for meaning. Don't try to bolster their sense of self by applauding stuff that's essentially meaningless. If they are over the age of two, do not coo at them, "I like the way you used your words!" If they got a good score on a dumb multiple-choice test you know they didn't study for, don't celebrate it. Tell your children what is expected of them, and after you have told them what is expected of them, stop cheerleading when they do what they're supposed to do.
the goal should be to Worry about building a kid who is good, not a kid who has good self-esteem, which is simple, perfect, logical.
also to her credit is the fact that all of the stories she shares about her daughters prove that they are hilarious little pips, like this punchline of a tale about when her daughter was three:
"Daddy says that when someone teases me, I should walk away. And I did walk away. But then I came back. With a bat."
bats aside, they also know how to throw a party. one of her daughters even held her bat mitzvah at the strand, proving she is the coolest kid ever:
She gave each friend a book. There was no band, no DJ, just good food and a bunch of kids lying on the floor in fancy outfits reading.
ingall quotes leonard cohen, poo-poos philip roth, is ready to throw down with harold bloom, calls the mother in Love You Forever a freak, was the the senior writer and books editor at sassy freaking magazine, and has Jurassic Jane Eyre on her e-reader. although she has neither rated nor reviewed it here on goodreads, which is a shame.
even though it's frequently funny, it's not at all frivolous - there are some excellent points here. i read this on my nook and i have never bookmarked as many pages in a nook-book as i did with this one. and while no babies are gonna come out of me, i kind of want to push some of these lessons at all the new york parents (or nannies, to give to the parents), because so much of it seems like common sense, and yet the uncivilized behavior i see around me means that someone's falling down on the parenting job.
it's solid, practical stuff: building a relationship with your child in which discipline and community, the importance of asking questions rather than giving answers, actions over lip service and beliefs, all contribute to shaping children who are kind, independent, ethical, hardworking, creative, generous, and engaged in the world.
it's thought-provoking, and she delivers her ideas in a witty, straightforward tone that's never afraid to point out her own missteps or throw in a "jews run the media" joke. because humor is one of the most important jewish values.
i loved this book, even though i'll never use it in any real-world way. however, i encourage all you chilbearing folks to check it out and take it to heart, even if it's just for this one lesson, because it could really fix a lot of the world's self-congratulatory bullshit in one go:
i'm really glad i read this, and i hope it starts having an effect and making better humans who will be nice to me when i am old and frail and alone in the world.
*A Jewish concept defined by acts of kindness performed to perfect or repair the world.
********************************************
so, i went to a book-signing for this book, and it was awesome. not only was there an ocean's worth of lox for me to stuff into my goyface, i got a wonderful inscription:
and she's freaking adorable when she reads and fields questions:
and a little badass when she poses for pictures, where she's probably thinking - "i worked at sassy, bitches!!"
please parent me, marjorie!!!
********************************************
when greg asked me what i was reading, i took great delight in his baffled expression when i said "a book about jewish parenting!!"
i got one ovary, no patience for nurturing, and i'm full-on gentile, so i'm not the target audience, but so far, it's a lot of fun!
come to my blog!
whenever a goodreads friend asks you to read their book, there's always that momentary burst of panic. what if it's not good, what if they're very sensitive, what if my reaction to it causes awkwardness on the internet???
but, man, does that pressure lessen when it's a parenting book about how using the values of judaism to raise your child will increase your likelihood of raising an awesome kid, and you have no children and no plans to breed and you can just sit back and read it, relieved that since you have absolutely no authority to judge this book's usefulness in practice, your lack of qualifications make any response you have to the book utterly meaningless.
which is very freeing.
i have never ever read a parenting book, so i have no clue how this stacks up to others of its kind, but this one has such a strong voice, and is such an excellent mixture of history, personal anecdote, theology, pop culture, and common sense, it's an absolute delight to read, and while it didn't make me wanna spawn, it did make me think that if a baby immaculately popped out of my lady-bits, i would totally use this book to guide it to awesomeness.
you don't have to have an ounce of jewishness in you to get something out of this book. as the author says, Jewish motherhood is a philosophy, not an identity!, and the lessons here are not religious in tone, but they emphasize the jewish values of community, family, reading, awareness of the world around you and your place in it, independence, good deeds without the expectation of praise, and just general menschiness.
and it is FUNNY!
i grew up in a place with a very small jewish population (rhode island - which is coincidentally where the author is from, and when she mentioned ocean state job lot, my heart did a little flip), before moving to a place with a very large jewish population (new york city - also like the author, who apparently lives right near this hell's angels club where i once had a really great conversation with a biker about paradise lost). my familiarity with the jewish faith has all been experienced through reading or watching things, and i know the basics, but this book did an excellent job detailing the values, priorities, and other important touchpoints through lively discussions of ritual, historical elements, stereotypes, and everyday practice, so even if you know nothing, you will learn what you need to know.
there's no sense of superiority here:
I don't necessarily think Jews are smarter then other groups. Maybe we just read more. If I actually believed that Jews were inherently brainier than other people due to our awesome Jewy genes, I would not be writing a book telling you that Jewish parenting is worth emulating. Also, I would be insufferable.
and all the proof you need that this lady is worth listening to is in her astute observations about parenting trends:
When we helicopter-parent, we not only don't teach our children independence, we teach them that they're doomed to fail - or at least fall short. Because they quickly learn that in the real world, which shockingly does not, in fact, revolve around them, they won't be repeatedly told they're perfect. We teach them to be cynical (because we've lied to them) and contemptuous of themselves and others (because no one can live up to the impossible standard that's been set for them).
and on too-easy praise:
Help your child in their quest for meaning. Don't try to bolster their sense of self by applauding stuff that's essentially meaningless. If they are over the age of two, do not coo at them, "I like the way you used your words!" If they got a good score on a dumb multiple-choice test you know they didn't study for, don't celebrate it. Tell your children what is expected of them, and after you have told them what is expected of them, stop cheerleading when they do what they're supposed to do.
the goal should be to Worry about building a kid who is good, not a kid who has good self-esteem, which is simple, perfect, logical.
also to her credit is the fact that all of the stories she shares about her daughters prove that they are hilarious little pips, like this punchline of a tale about when her daughter was three:
"Daddy says that when someone teases me, I should walk away. And I did walk away. But then I came back. With a bat."
bats aside, they also know how to throw a party. one of her daughters even held her bat mitzvah at the strand, proving she is the coolest kid ever:
She gave each friend a book. There was no band, no DJ, just good food and a bunch of kids lying on the floor in fancy outfits reading.
ingall quotes leonard cohen, poo-poos philip roth, is ready to throw down with harold bloom, calls the mother in Love You Forever a freak, was the the senior writer and books editor at sassy freaking magazine, and has Jurassic Jane Eyre on her e-reader. although she has neither rated nor reviewed it here on goodreads, which is a shame.
even though it's frequently funny, it's not at all frivolous - there are some excellent points here. i read this on my nook and i have never bookmarked as many pages in a nook-book as i did with this one. and while no babies are gonna come out of me, i kind of want to push some of these lessons at all the new york parents (or nannies, to give to the parents), because so much of it seems like common sense, and yet the uncivilized behavior i see around me means that someone's falling down on the parenting job.
it's solid, practical stuff: building a relationship with your child in which discipline and community, the importance of asking questions rather than giving answers, actions over lip service and beliefs, all contribute to shaping children who are kind, independent, ethical, hardworking, creative, generous, and engaged in the world.
it's thought-provoking, and she delivers her ideas in a witty, straightforward tone that's never afraid to point out her own missteps or throw in a "jews run the media" joke. because humor is one of the most important jewish values.
i loved this book, even though i'll never use it in any real-world way. however, i encourage all you chilbearing folks to check it out and take it to heart, even if it's just for this one lesson, because it could really fix a lot of the world's self-congratulatory bullshit in one go:
You and your kid don't have to do astonishing, creative things to do tikkun olam*. Small acts can be powerful. But it's important to do work that meets an existing need (as opposed to yay, we wanna help hunger, let's collect cans of old beets!) It's vital for upper-income kids not to see themselves as heroic rescuers of downtrodden peoples, ennobled by consorting with the rabble. Make sure your kids know about the vast numbers of people working in their own communities to make change. They're heroes, not victims. (As the midrash says, "More than the wealthy person does for the poor, the poor person does for the wealthy.") Making sure kids are educated by reading books about diverse communities and by learning about injustices throughout history (not just those perpetuated on the Jews) is as important as refraining from charging in with a savior complex and a lack of historicity thinking you're a champion.
i'm really glad i read this, and i hope it starts having an effect and making better humans who will be nice to me when i am old and frail and alone in the world.
*A Jewish concept defined by acts of kindness performed to perfect or repair the world.
********************************************
so, i went to a book-signing for this book, and it was awesome. not only was there an ocean's worth of lox for me to stuff into my goyface, i got a wonderful inscription:
and she's freaking adorable when she reads and fields questions:
and a little badass when she poses for pictures, where she's probably thinking - "i worked at sassy, bitches!!"
please parent me, marjorie!!!
********************************************
when greg asked me what i was reading, i took great delight in his baffled expression when i said "a book about jewish parenting!!"
i got one ovary, no patience for nurturing, and i'm full-on gentile, so i'm not the target audience, but so far, it's a lot of fun!
come to my blog!
July 10, 2016
I honestly cannot say enough great things about this book!
I've never been a huge fan of too many parenting books. I didn't trust them.
Reading Marjorie Ingall's book was wonderful -empowering- validating-and insightful- and soooo enjoyable! Marjorie is a kick-of-fun! I'm a new fan....THANK YOU MARJORIE!!!!!! Why don't you live next door? I could be friends with Margorie!!!!
Marjorie explains things -in words- BRILLIANTLY that will be a combination of: validating, empowering, insightful, incredibly useful, for EVERY PARENT ...of ANY RELIGION no matter if your child is 2 years of age - 8 -16 -or even 30 and 34 years of age, like my two daughters. Readers will also laugh, PAUSE...( to stop and think and or re-read something 'beyond-wise' that she just wrote), and I believe she has written a book supporting all of us being better people in the world. 'Her' mom, husband, and kids, are pretty darn cool to boot!
I can't recommend this book highly enough to all parents!!! Jewish Parents might enjoy the Jewish history & thought behind some of our daily choices we've been making for years - things we've been doing, but didn't really think about--not as CLEARLY as Marjorie Ingall spells out.
Interesting to me, there are two parenting books that I read with my local book group years back, that I thought were terrific... yet I read them after my daughters were adults. By then, they were each supporting themselves living their own lives.
The books are: "NutureShock, by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman ....
and "Bringing Up Bebe", by Pamela Druckerman.
I remember thinking...I wish they had these books when my kids were little ...(books to trust with fantastic information).
Now comes MARJORIE INGALL.....*THIS* IS THE BEST PARENTING BOOK I've EVER READ!!!!!!
A few examples....tips...and or words from the wise: ( Marjorie Ingall)
Things she talks about....BUT READ IT YOURSELF....( it's a great book to return to again and again if you are an active parent with kids at home)
.....In the beginning we get some history --( it's fascinating- before and after WWII... we get to see where the stereotype of the Jewish mother came from)...and as you read more ..you'll be pleasantly surprised to learn how far from the truth those stereotypes are.
......Jews help others in the world ....( it's what we do)
.......Jewish mothers prize education, ( but we are not obsessed with grades over the value of being kind), spirituality, and ritual. We believe in fostering independence and personal responsibility in children. We want our kids to live ethical lives for all of acts of social justice.
.....Jewish woman have always been engaged in "parnassa v'chalkalah"--livelihood and
sustenance of our own.
..... Stereotype isn't a reality, it was a creation have a specific time in history.
..... Jewish parenting methods are in line with modern research on fostering children's creativity, kindness, and intellect.
"Jews make up 1 percent of the world's population ...we also constitute....,
.....170 of the 850 Nobel Prize winners
..... 21% of Ivy League students
..... 26% at Kennedy Center honorees
..... 37 percent academy award winning directors
.....51% of Pulitzer Prize winners of nonfiction".
"Jewish parenting methods are responsible for the outsized success of Jewish people.
Marjorie shows historical background, personal anecdotes, and strategies from Jewish texts show readers of all faiths how to implement Jewish mothering practices in their own lives and raise more self-sufficient, ethical, and accomplished kids"
My own two daughters, Katy - 34, and Ali, - 30 are independent, fully support themselves - have chosen careers that make them happy--which they are successful at. It's not like we didn't stumble... ( we did). Katy was anorexic as a teen and life was hell. Yet...we survived. We each experience love for one another and have healthy boundaries. Everyone in my family has always been independent ...,( but we are emotionally connected where it matters).
It was never my goal to have my kids be happy ---( nice if they were). I never cared what grades they got ( nice if they did well...which they did)...
I allowed them to walk places at 7 years of age ( yeah, I had mom's call me and tell me about the kidnappers). Sure, I was nervous...but it was the risk I took to give them some independence.
I allowed my 14 year old daughter to stay home alone for the weekend while Paul and I took a get-a-way to Napa. She had finals to study for - had emergency phone numbers to call if needed. Another parent found out... came and picked her up and brought her to their house for the weekend.
They lived in Los Altos Hills - where our kids went to school.....about 30 minutes from where we live in San Jose. The Los Altos parents wanted our daughter to help their daughter study for her math exam. Ali was willing... but she didn't like hearing their parents say how BAD Paul and I were for leaving her alone.
Their daughter ended up being sent away to a school in Utah...for doing drugs. It was sad ... she was a very nice girl with so much pressure from her parents she couldn't breathe.
Years later - it was nice to hear Ali's friend was doing fine... Things were better for her - with her parents too.
So... You see ... Kids no matter what mistakes ....kids always love their parents
and parents love their kids...
Mistaken scan be forgiven -- things can turn around...but we now have a few GREAT PARENTING BOOKS....and this is as Great as they get!!!!!!
"Mamaleh Knows Best"... what Jewish Mothers Do to raise Successful, Creative, Empathetic, independent children is a handy tool for your toolbox!!! A lovely - shiny
new tool! A treasure!!
I already know of dozens of friends I must tell about this book!!!
Thank You Crown Publishing, Netgalley, and Marjorie Ingall. ( if you are 'ever' in the Bay Area...I'd love to meet you....hoping you might speak at our JCC or temple. I'll even help arrange it.
I've never been a huge fan of too many parenting books. I didn't trust them.
Reading Marjorie Ingall's book was wonderful -empowering- validating-and insightful- and soooo enjoyable! Marjorie is a kick-of-fun! I'm a new fan....THANK YOU MARJORIE!!!!!! Why don't you live next door? I could be friends with Margorie!!!!
Marjorie explains things -in words- BRILLIANTLY that will be a combination of: validating, empowering, insightful, incredibly useful, for EVERY PARENT ...of ANY RELIGION no matter if your child is 2 years of age - 8 -16 -or even 30 and 34 years of age, like my two daughters. Readers will also laugh, PAUSE...( to stop and think and or re-read something 'beyond-wise' that she just wrote), and I believe she has written a book supporting all of us being better people in the world. 'Her' mom, husband, and kids, are pretty darn cool to boot!
I can't recommend this book highly enough to all parents!!! Jewish Parents might enjoy the Jewish history & thought behind some of our daily choices we've been making for years - things we've been doing, but didn't really think about--not as CLEARLY as Marjorie Ingall spells out.
Interesting to me, there are two parenting books that I read with my local book group years back, that I thought were terrific... yet I read them after my daughters were adults. By then, they were each supporting themselves living their own lives.
The books are: "NutureShock, by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman ....
and "Bringing Up Bebe", by Pamela Druckerman.
I remember thinking...I wish they had these books when my kids were little ...(books to trust with fantastic information).
Now comes MARJORIE INGALL.....*THIS* IS THE BEST PARENTING BOOK I've EVER READ!!!!!!
A few examples....tips...and or words from the wise: ( Marjorie Ingall)
Things she talks about....BUT READ IT YOURSELF....( it's a great book to return to again and again if you are an active parent with kids at home)
.....In the beginning we get some history --( it's fascinating- before and after WWII... we get to see where the stereotype of the Jewish mother came from)...and as you read more ..you'll be pleasantly surprised to learn how far from the truth those stereotypes are.
......Jews help others in the world ....( it's what we do)
.......Jewish mothers prize education, ( but we are not obsessed with grades over the value of being kind), spirituality, and ritual. We believe in fostering independence and personal responsibility in children. We want our kids to live ethical lives for all of acts of social justice.
.....Jewish woman have always been engaged in "parnassa v'chalkalah"--livelihood and
sustenance of our own.
..... Stereotype isn't a reality, it was a creation have a specific time in history.
..... Jewish parenting methods are in line with modern research on fostering children's creativity, kindness, and intellect.
"Jews make up 1 percent of the world's population ...we also constitute....,
.....170 of the 850 Nobel Prize winners
..... 21% of Ivy League students
..... 26% at Kennedy Center honorees
..... 37 percent academy award winning directors
.....51% of Pulitzer Prize winners of nonfiction".
"Jewish parenting methods are responsible for the outsized success of Jewish people.
Marjorie shows historical background, personal anecdotes, and strategies from Jewish texts show readers of all faiths how to implement Jewish mothering practices in their own lives and raise more self-sufficient, ethical, and accomplished kids"
My own two daughters, Katy - 34, and Ali, - 30 are independent, fully support themselves - have chosen careers that make them happy--which they are successful at. It's not like we didn't stumble... ( we did). Katy was anorexic as a teen and life was hell. Yet...we survived. We each experience love for one another and have healthy boundaries. Everyone in my family has always been independent ...,( but we are emotionally connected where it matters).
It was never my goal to have my kids be happy ---( nice if they were). I never cared what grades they got ( nice if they did well...which they did)...
I allowed them to walk places at 7 years of age ( yeah, I had mom's call me and tell me about the kidnappers). Sure, I was nervous...but it was the risk I took to give them some independence.
I allowed my 14 year old daughter to stay home alone for the weekend while Paul and I took a get-a-way to Napa. She had finals to study for - had emergency phone numbers to call if needed. Another parent found out... came and picked her up and brought her to their house for the weekend.
They lived in Los Altos Hills - where our kids went to school.....about 30 minutes from where we live in San Jose. The Los Altos parents wanted our daughter to help their daughter study for her math exam. Ali was willing... but she didn't like hearing their parents say how BAD Paul and I were for leaving her alone.
Their daughter ended up being sent away to a school in Utah...for doing drugs. It was sad ... she was a very nice girl with so much pressure from her parents she couldn't breathe.
Years later - it was nice to hear Ali's friend was doing fine... Things were better for her - with her parents too.
So... You see ... Kids no matter what mistakes ....kids always love their parents
and parents love their kids...
Mistaken scan be forgiven -- things can turn around...but we now have a few GREAT PARENTING BOOKS....and this is as Great as they get!!!!!!
"Mamaleh Knows Best"... what Jewish Mothers Do to raise Successful, Creative, Empathetic, independent children is a handy tool for your toolbox!!! A lovely - shiny
new tool! A treasure!!
I already know of dozens of friends I must tell about this book!!!
Thank You Crown Publishing, Netgalley, and Marjorie Ingall. ( if you are 'ever' in the Bay Area...I'd love to meet you....hoping you might speak at our JCC or temple. I'll even help arrange it.
August 29, 2016
This book that I wrote is practically perfect in every way and you should buy it. For your mother. For yourself. For your cat. But don't buy it for your adult daughter if you have one because she will think you're judging her. FREE ADVICE RIGHT THERE.
September 14, 2016
Full review to come.
Unbiased rating based upon a copy won through the Goodreads First Reads program.
Unbiased rating based upon a copy won through the Goodreads First Reads program.
February 23, 2022
I whipped through this one. In a few parts I admit to skimming more than reading. I am currently on vacation, and brought 8 books for 7 days, more owned books than not, and many that have been languishing on my TBR. I finished this one in a morning.
I really like this author, and I really like what she has to say. I think, I know, we could be very good friends. I think I just read the book ten years too late. It came to me probably through the PJ Library as a giveway, and I don't know for which kid, but I suspect my oldest, and my oldest is now in college. At 19, 16, (almost 17), and a quite mature 11, my parenting needs are different now. I remember when Blessings of a Skinned Knee, perfect at the time, came out with Blessings of a B Minus, made for parenting teens, right when my kids were pre-teens. Those books were right on time. This one unfortunately was not. Which doesn't mean the values and the information contained within, was not incredibly useful and right on the mark. Recently this past summer, a friend suggested to me to buy Letting Go - a parents guide to sending your kid to college. I haven't opened up that one either, but to be honest, it felt good to have it in the house. To me that meant that I was always thinking about how to do it right. Right for me, for us that is. But I really have put a lot of thought into every aspect of parenting. I can see that I have raised three sons who are compassionate and kind, dynamic, confident, independent, loving, and spiritual in their own ways. I feel like I have done a good job and that we have done something very right. And likely in many of the ways this author describes. I remember reading How to Listen so your Kids will Talk and How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen. My mother read those books and was in the "working groups" with Maizlish and Faber, so as a psychologist and a mother, those topics were intuitive to me. Much of this book felt that way to me too. I imagined this author would go out to dinner with our friends, talking as we do about parenting and humor and spirituality and Jewish Culture. Laughing and sharing stories together, and good advice. I also thought a lot about who the authors friends were, and prayed she had the kind of wonderful friends I have been blessed with. Because not everyone in her circles are going to embrace her point of view. But we would, every one of us, Because it is the same. In any case, if the book is right for you, it will find its way to you. I wish the author incredibly good luck in her endeavors, and in life, and a blessing for her family.
I really like this author, and I really like what she has to say. I think, I know, we could be very good friends. I think I just read the book ten years too late. It came to me probably through the PJ Library as a giveway, and I don't know for which kid, but I suspect my oldest, and my oldest is now in college. At 19, 16, (almost 17), and a quite mature 11, my parenting needs are different now. I remember when Blessings of a Skinned Knee, perfect at the time, came out with Blessings of a B Minus, made for parenting teens, right when my kids were pre-teens. Those books were right on time. This one unfortunately was not. Which doesn't mean the values and the information contained within, was not incredibly useful and right on the mark. Recently this past summer, a friend suggested to me to buy Letting Go - a parents guide to sending your kid to college. I haven't opened up that one either, but to be honest, it felt good to have it in the house. To me that meant that I was always thinking about how to do it right. Right for me, for us that is. But I really have put a lot of thought into every aspect of parenting. I can see that I have raised three sons who are compassionate and kind, dynamic, confident, independent, loving, and spiritual in their own ways. I feel like I have done a good job and that we have done something very right. And likely in many of the ways this author describes. I remember reading How to Listen so your Kids will Talk and How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen. My mother read those books and was in the "working groups" with Maizlish and Faber, so as a psychologist and a mother, those topics were intuitive to me. Much of this book felt that way to me too. I imagined this author would go out to dinner with our friends, talking as we do about parenting and humor and spirituality and Jewish Culture. Laughing and sharing stories together, and good advice. I also thought a lot about who the authors friends were, and prayed she had the kind of wonderful friends I have been blessed with. Because not everyone in her circles are going to embrace her point of view. But we would, every one of us, Because it is the same. In any case, if the book is right for you, it will find its way to you. I wish the author incredibly good luck in her endeavors, and in life, and a blessing for her family.
January 2, 2021
In general, I liked this book and the concepts on raising a child. But some stories contains too many irrelevant details that makes you forget what was the point of the story at all.
March 7, 2017
In a hilarious and telling example of how wonderful this book is, my mother-in-law (who is Jewish and has raised three very successful children) thinks the tips in it are "obvious" and "common sense." It is light-hearted, funny, and real, and full of thoughtful pearls of wisdom, conveyed in a self-deprecating, non-judgmental way. It gave me lots of good stuff to think about. For those of us who are novices, at least, it was enormously helpful : )
September 7, 2016
I am not yet a mama, but I really enjoyed this heartwarming book about mamalehs, the embodiment of the good-enough Jewish parent.
Despite the fact that I consider myself pretty well Jewishly educated, I learned a lot about Judaism from this book. I appreciated that Ingall often highlighted the same values that I see as being the best parts of Judaism, the parts that I really want to embody and pass down when I have kids. I felt like Ingall was a kindred spirit who beautifully communicated to the reader the fun of Passover, the importance of asking good questions, of being kind, and of incorporating social justice awareness and action into everyday life. I was really excited to read about all the ways that I can apply these core values to being a good-enough parent and raising little mensches, and on that front Ingall totally delivered.
Ingall is a funny, honest, and direct writer. I was often very moved by her personal stories and by the passionate way she writes about our shared culture. I loved the chapters that tied Jewish history and texts directly to good parenting practices; however, I'm a little biased and it definitely makes me feel good about myself to see things I consider central to my identity being framed as "best practice" when it comes to parenting.
Now that I've kvelled, I have to kvetch a bit (OK, a little more than a bit, but only out of love)...
I think the middle of this book needs more support. These chapters often didn't tie back to Judaism in a strong or direct way, and the argument seemed more to be, "This is good parenting practice supported by research, but I am a Jewish mom so this is part of Jewish parenting." I also thought that some of the "this is a Jewish thing" anecdotes harkened back to the same stereotypes about Jewish people that were decried earlier in the book, and that made me uncomfortable (for example, that we're all nerdy/brainiacs. What is a non-nerdy/non-brainiac Jewish person supposed to make of that?). Often times, Ingall would back some of these generalizations up with research and explain that they are averages, but it wouldn't happen until later on in the book. I think her arguments would have been stronger and the book would have felt more inclusive if the basic empirical framework came first, followed by her narrative.
Finally, my biggest issue was the lack of conversation around gender equality in parenting. While research indicates that women still bear the majority of the burden around housework and childcare (despite working as much or more than their male counterparts), I wished that Ingall had at some point acknowledged the increasing involvement of men in parenting. Again, she did provide statistics pretty late in the book about how faith is often transmitted by mothers, but many of the parenting practices in this book are called out directly as not being faith-specific and fathers might feel excluded by this narrative when there is a lot of great stuff here!
Ingall makes an effort to educate and include non-Jews in this book, but I felt that she could have more explicitly noted that any man can also be a mamaleh. The model mamaleh in my life is my incredible father, who reveled in being a very active, engaged, and boundlessly loving parent who passed down and continues to embody the values and practices outlined in this book. I should be so lucky as to be half as good a mamaleh as he is, and cannot wait to see him shine as the best zayde ever (sorry not sorry for kvelling about my amazing papa).
Although some of my issues with this book made me lean towards 3-stars, I have to give this book a bump up because it made me laugh out loud and cry throughout. I thought the closing chapters about tikkun olam and tzedakah were particularly strong and reinforced a well-documented Jewish value of caring for and fighting for the well-being of others. Ingall reached right into the heart of what I think makes Judaism so great and wrote beautifully about how we can apply those values to be the best versions of ourselves and raise the best human beings possible. I plan to pass this on to all the mamalehs and mamaleh-wannabes in my life.
*I won an ARC of this book from Goodreads.*
Despite the fact that I consider myself pretty well Jewishly educated, I learned a lot about Judaism from this book. I appreciated that Ingall often highlighted the same values that I see as being the best parts of Judaism, the parts that I really want to embody and pass down when I have kids. I felt like Ingall was a kindred spirit who beautifully communicated to the reader the fun of Passover, the importance of asking good questions, of being kind, and of incorporating social justice awareness and action into everyday life. I was really excited to read about all the ways that I can apply these core values to being a good-enough parent and raising little mensches, and on that front Ingall totally delivered.
Ingall is a funny, honest, and direct writer. I was often very moved by her personal stories and by the passionate way she writes about our shared culture. I loved the chapters that tied Jewish history and texts directly to good parenting practices; however, I'm a little biased and it definitely makes me feel good about myself to see things I consider central to my identity being framed as "best practice" when it comes to parenting.
Now that I've kvelled, I have to kvetch a bit (OK, a little more than a bit, but only out of love)...
I think the middle of this book needs more support. These chapters often didn't tie back to Judaism in a strong or direct way, and the argument seemed more to be, "This is good parenting practice supported by research, but I am a Jewish mom so this is part of Jewish parenting." I also thought that some of the "this is a Jewish thing" anecdotes harkened back to the same stereotypes about Jewish people that were decried earlier in the book, and that made me uncomfortable (for example, that we're all nerdy/brainiacs. What is a non-nerdy/non-brainiac Jewish person supposed to make of that?). Often times, Ingall would back some of these generalizations up with research and explain that they are averages, but it wouldn't happen until later on in the book. I think her arguments would have been stronger and the book would have felt more inclusive if the basic empirical framework came first, followed by her narrative.
Finally, my biggest issue was the lack of conversation around gender equality in parenting. While research indicates that women still bear the majority of the burden around housework and childcare (despite working as much or more than their male counterparts), I wished that Ingall had at some point acknowledged the increasing involvement of men in parenting. Again, she did provide statistics pretty late in the book about how faith is often transmitted by mothers, but many of the parenting practices in this book are called out directly as not being faith-specific and fathers might feel excluded by this narrative when there is a lot of great stuff here!
Ingall makes an effort to educate and include non-Jews in this book, but I felt that she could have more explicitly noted that any man can also be a mamaleh. The model mamaleh in my life is my incredible father, who reveled in being a very active, engaged, and boundlessly loving parent who passed down and continues to embody the values and practices outlined in this book. I should be so lucky as to be half as good a mamaleh as he is, and cannot wait to see him shine as the best zayde ever (sorry not sorry for kvelling about my amazing papa).
Although some of my issues with this book made me lean towards 3-stars, I have to give this book a bump up because it made me laugh out loud and cry throughout. I thought the closing chapters about tikkun olam and tzedakah were particularly strong and reinforced a well-documented Jewish value of caring for and fighting for the well-being of others. Ingall reached right into the heart of what I think makes Judaism so great and wrote beautifully about how we can apply those values to be the best versions of ourselves and raise the best human beings possible. I plan to pass this on to all the mamalehs and mamaleh-wannabes in my life.
*I won an ARC of this book from Goodreads.*
October 6, 2019
Majorie Ingall does a fabulous job of smashing tired tropes about clingy, narcissistic Jewish mothers in her book, MAMALEH KNOWS BEST. The book is smart and funny and gives lots of sound parenting advice to Jews and non-Jews. My only (little) quibbles are: 1) The "ideal Jewish mom" in the book (and her habits) really only works for Ashkenazim, and not even all of those--it's pretty hard to paint all Jewish mothers with a single brush. In particular, some of the traits listed in it are pretty opposite those held by many Jews from non-Western countries. 2) Some of the comments about Orthodoxy are a bit simplistic or reductionist. Despite these concerns, the book is a delight--a fun, informative read with lots of upbeat and useful advice or parents.
August 28, 2016
Disclaimer: I received this book for free as part of the Goodreads Giveaways program.
I am neither Jewish (though my SO is) nor do I have any human children, but some day I do want to have children. I was honestly dreading reading the book a little because of the stereotype of the shrill, guilting, braggart Jewish mother that is commonly depicted in media. It's very sexist and othering. So I was pleased to see that the entire beginning of the book was focused on dispelling this myth, and directly criticizing the sexism behind those stereotypes. Ingall also spends time explaining that the book's philosophies aren't only espoused by Jewish people. She also points out that now that Jewish people have assimilated more into society, those stereotypes are being placed on Asian mothers in the "Tiger Mom" stereotype, and that this is wrong.
All this is very, very good. Which is why I got really confused when halfway through the book, Ingall starts talking about how Jewish mother values are better than Tiger Moms' pushy natures. She just spent the entire first chapter telling us that the Tiger Mom stereotype is harmful, and now she's using those same, tired stereotypes. This is why I could not rate this book higher than a 3 star review, despite the good values contained therein. Don't get me wrong, I like the emphasis on resilience and good character over out-and-out success, but stereotyping others when you spent all that time telling us to do the opposite is wrong, and I can't believe nobody pointed out this dissonance during editing.
I am neither Jewish (though my SO is) nor do I have any human children, but some day I do want to have children. I was honestly dreading reading the book a little because of the stereotype of the shrill, guilting, braggart Jewish mother that is commonly depicted in media. It's very sexist and othering. So I was pleased to see that the entire beginning of the book was focused on dispelling this myth, and directly criticizing the sexism behind those stereotypes. Ingall also spends time explaining that the book's philosophies aren't only espoused by Jewish people. She also points out that now that Jewish people have assimilated more into society, those stereotypes are being placed on Asian mothers in the "Tiger Mom" stereotype, and that this is wrong.
All this is very, very good. Which is why I got really confused when halfway through the book, Ingall starts talking about how Jewish mother values are better than Tiger Moms' pushy natures. She just spent the entire first chapter telling us that the Tiger Mom stereotype is harmful, and now she's using those same, tired stereotypes. This is why I could not rate this book higher than a 3 star review, despite the good values contained therein. Don't get me wrong, I like the emphasis on resilience and good character over out-and-out success, but stereotyping others when you spent all that time telling us to do the opposite is wrong, and I can't believe nobody pointed out this dissonance during editing.
October 6, 2016
This is a surprisingly good read despite the kind of nebbishy title. Educators and Judaic thought fans should all read this book, i.e. you don't need kids to appreciate it, though parents will be most inclined to pick it up. Ingall is well-versed in Judaism and comes up with some thoughtful and not as well known gems to share. The book is funny in that kind of Brooklyn-kale-self-demeaning sort of way, and the tone can get a little old after awhile, but perhaps parents of younger ones who are sleep-deprived will find it satisfying to have this amusing touch to keep them going.
I found that it was not at all dogmatic like some parenting books can be, and was filled with common sense simply backed by Jewish principles. It's particularly interesting to read the perspective on education. Again, it is not exclusive in nature and you don't have to be Jewish to love Nathan's franks or rye bread or...this book.
I found that it was not at all dogmatic like some parenting books can be, and was filled with common sense simply backed by Jewish principles. It's particularly interesting to read the perspective on education. Again, it is not exclusive in nature and you don't have to be Jewish to love Nathan's franks or rye bread or...this book.
January 3, 2018
Very mixed feelings. the book is funny at times, and certain chapters are better than others. However, I am not sure, as a Jewish mother already, that I am the target audience. Ingall tries to discuss how the Jews raise their kids to be such successful people. Even though she admits she is flawed, at times it did sound like a celebration of her own success. I am way more flawed than she, so during certain chapters, I just wound up feeling inept about my own Jewish parenting. In other places, I recognized myself, and it was a nice reminder that some of what I do subconsciously might actually work. The book was no where near as intellectual or thought provoking for me as Wendy Mogel's "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee" or the "The Blessing of a B-", other Jewish parenting books. I am curious what others think.
November 29, 2016
I am not Jewish, but I loved this fun, funny book about raising children to be menches. Marjorie Ingall imparts wisdom that we can all use in our day-to-day parenting, Jewish or no. She stresses the importance of education (while not getting too focused on tests), learning our pasts and being generous. Of the parenting books I have read (and I have read several), none have spoken to me quite like this one. It imparts wisdom I will be using for a long time.
September 8, 2020
This is another one that has been on the "not urgent" pile for a while, and I decided to finish it off.
I have been a fan of Marjorie Ingall since she wrote the "East Village Mamaleh" column for "The Forward." She is always witty and sensible, and she gives a lot of excellent suggestions in the book, amplified by the fact that she practices what she preaches. Most parents have the same worries for their children, and Ingall articulates them well.
Another "preaching to the choir" book because I mostly agree with everything she says. We have similar backgrounds (she went to Harvard; I did not), and similar goals and values for our progeny. Learned some new vocabulary words - opprobrium and manumission, and had some laughs and some "I remember that stage" nostalgia. Overall, an enjoyable read.
Observation: I wish I had the time and the energy to read all these "parenting" books when my kids were younger, but I was too busy taking care of them.
I have been a fan of Marjorie Ingall since she wrote the "East Village Mamaleh" column for "The Forward." She is always witty and sensible, and she gives a lot of excellent suggestions in the book, amplified by the fact that she practices what she preaches. Most parents have the same worries for their children, and Ingall articulates them well.
Another "preaching to the choir" book because I mostly agree with everything she says. We have similar backgrounds (she went to Harvard; I did not), and similar goals and values for our progeny. Learned some new vocabulary words - opprobrium and manumission, and had some laughs and some "I remember that stage" nostalgia. Overall, an enjoyable read.
Observation: I wish I had the time and the energy to read all these "parenting" books when my kids were younger, but I was too busy taking care of them.
September 11, 2018
This book is all over the place.
The ideas are so, so good! Jewish parenting tie-ins from history, links to today, etc. But first, it struggles with the target audience. Is this book for Jews or non-Jews? As even a secular Jew, I already know what halacha, mitzvot, and kvetch mean. No need to define it. But at some points the author goes into deep topics and people I've never heard of, which are not defined. The author never decides whether she's writing for Jewish mothers or a generalist internet-literate audience.
Second, it struggles in tone and style. Is this meant to be a memoir or instruction manual? There is a bit of both, and it's scattered all over the place, with no clear order.
Finally, is it a blog post or a book? I've read the author on Tablet for years, and she's great at writing short pieces. In this book, there are disorganized snippets, casual slang and internet writing( All CAPS! Multiple exclamation points!! Lots. of. periods) that is great for blog posts and Twitter, but not for a book that I'm trying to pay attention to.
I'm sad, because the ideas in here are great. But this book could have been much, much more.
The ideas are so, so good! Jewish parenting tie-ins from history, links to today, etc. But first, it struggles with the target audience. Is this book for Jews or non-Jews? As even a secular Jew, I already know what halacha, mitzvot, and kvetch mean. No need to define it. But at some points the author goes into deep topics and people I've never heard of, which are not defined. The author never decides whether she's writing for Jewish mothers or a generalist internet-literate audience.
Second, it struggles in tone and style. Is this meant to be a memoir or instruction manual? There is a bit of both, and it's scattered all over the place, with no clear order.
Finally, is it a blog post or a book? I've read the author on Tablet for years, and she's great at writing short pieces. In this book, there are disorganized snippets, casual slang and internet writing( All CAPS! Multiple exclamation points!! Lots. of. periods) that is great for blog posts and Twitter, but not for a book that I'm trying to pay attention to.
I'm sad, because the ideas in here are great. But this book could have been much, much more.
March 14, 2017
An accomplished writer and Jewish mother of two girls has produced a book about the teaching of children. Marjorie Ingall's work is appropriately entitled Mamaleh Knows Best: What Jewish Mothers Do to Raise Successful, Creative, Empathetic, Independent Children. While this will be much more useful for young mothers than it was for me, a father in his mid-70s with three fully grown children and two grandchildren, I find Ingalls' thoughts on how to go about child-rearing very insightful.
Parenting seems to happen on a different level for Jewish people than for the rest of us. I believe a sense of pride exists among Jews that can serve as an example for others. It is not an understatement to assert that Jews are generally driven to success. If you have doubts about that, just consider the various tough professions in which Jewish people excell at far above average rates. It does not happen by accident. Ingalls talks about this in her book.
You need not be Jewish to find plenty of beneficial advice from Ingalls. Her practical advice includes the recommendation to nurture children's independence. She tells us good discipline teaches kids to be moral. Authority should not be followed blindly, she opinionates. Do you have values? Ingalls thinks it is important for your children to know them. Other advice: Be sure your children know that learning is fun. They need to learn to laugh. Instill the importance of not bullying.
The book is chock-full of this kind of practical advice. You will find it a worthy read. Its creator is a witty person who I have a strong sense would be a fun acquaintence. A ton of pragmatic information is surely bouncing off the walls of the Ingall house. Her two daughters must have thousands of good ideas about how to live their lives because of this clever mamaleh.
Parenting seems to happen on a different level for Jewish people than for the rest of us. I believe a sense of pride exists among Jews that can serve as an example for others. It is not an understatement to assert that Jews are generally driven to success. If you have doubts about that, just consider the various tough professions in which Jewish people excell at far above average rates. It does not happen by accident. Ingalls talks about this in her book.
You need not be Jewish to find plenty of beneficial advice from Ingalls. Her practical advice includes the recommendation to nurture children's independence. She tells us good discipline teaches kids to be moral. Authority should not be followed blindly, she opinionates. Do you have values? Ingalls thinks it is important for your children to know them. Other advice: Be sure your children know that learning is fun. They need to learn to laugh. Instill the importance of not bullying.
The book is chock-full of this kind of practical advice. You will find it a worthy read. Its creator is a witty person who I have a strong sense would be a fun acquaintence. A ton of pragmatic information is surely bouncing off the walls of the Ingall house. Her two daughters must have thousands of good ideas about how to live their lives because of this clever mamaleh.
September 15, 2018
Meh. Was difficult to get excited to read this once I started. I like the author’s voice but she used so many parenthetical phrases it was distracting (and I like parenthetical phrases). I think this might have worked better as a long form New Yorker article or as more developed, longer book. Something just didn’t sit right with me. Her points were interesting but nothing I didn’t already know - I am a Jewish mother after all.
May 19, 2019
“Our struggle as parents today isn’t merely to keep our children alive, or smooth their way in the world. It’s to keep our kids from becoming schmucks. Some of us are better at this than others; that’s always been true. But historically, Jews have worked hard at raising non-dicks, and we’ve done pretty well for ourselves in the bargain.”
September 12, 2016
You don't have to currently be raising a young family or even Jewish to benefit from the wisdom in this book. Marjorie Ingall's perspective on raising children with all the qualities listed in her title can apply to not only your own children and grandchildren, but to those around you in your church and neighborhood, all you influence in some way through both your words and example.
I'll admit I got my back up in the second chapter with her premise that women need to "make sure to take time for ourselves--through work, volunteering, intellectual and creative or cultural stimulation..." This goes against my deep conviction that too many moms choose their own independence over the needs of small, dependent children who need their daily influence and loving presence. As I continued to read, I realized she seeks balance in this "independence," and also had a very loving woman who kept her children in their home while she worked. For some, working outside the home is a financial necessity, and others have good family involvement or loving caregivers. Whether we work away or at home, the premise is true. We all need to nurture ourselves, and there are many ways to do that with sensitivity to our family's needs and dynamics. After all, just being in the home didn't make me a good parent. It's all about who we are and our relationship with our children. Few of us are really "good" parents, but we can all be "good enough" to raise extraordinary children.
The author gives us so many examples from Jewish history, Jewish women, her own childhood, and raising her own 2 daughters. Some touch us deeply, and much we laugh about. This is a very funny book, and both the poignancy and humor communicate the ultimate goal...how to be a truly good person, and how to raise children who are good people. She tells us specifically how to achieve this. Teach discipline but choose wisely what is important to enforce and don't put your child in a position where they are too young, tired, or hungry to handle a situation. Let your child try new things and not be afraid to fail. Be a geek yourself and encourage your child to love learning and be passionate about their interests, not worried about "self-esteem." Model acceptance of diversity to your children. Talk to your children and listen to them with respect. Don't focus on tests. Read to your children as long as they'll let you. Keep good books around, in hopes that they'll pick them up. Model charity to them. The word for charity means "righteousness." Take them with you as you do acts of charity and provide opportunity for them to do the same on their own. Counter materialism with teaching and modeling wisdom in finances and allow your children to earn, save, and spend wisely. Help them learn to give to others and to be people of justice by defending those who need it. Create a spiritual home by practicing meaningful ritual, telling stories, and modeling prayer. Find a place of worship that is accepting and encouraging of children's needs and maturity.
There are so many practical, uplifting examples in this book. It will bless all the children in your life and make a difference to you as well. We all want to be truly good people and have a positive, lasting influence in this world. (I received this book through the Goodreads Giveaway program.)
I'll admit I got my back up in the second chapter with her premise that women need to "make sure to take time for ourselves--through work, volunteering, intellectual and creative or cultural stimulation..." This goes against my deep conviction that too many moms choose their own independence over the needs of small, dependent children who need their daily influence and loving presence. As I continued to read, I realized she seeks balance in this "independence," and also had a very loving woman who kept her children in their home while she worked. For some, working outside the home is a financial necessity, and others have good family involvement or loving caregivers. Whether we work away or at home, the premise is true. We all need to nurture ourselves, and there are many ways to do that with sensitivity to our family's needs and dynamics. After all, just being in the home didn't make me a good parent. It's all about who we are and our relationship with our children. Few of us are really "good" parents, but we can all be "good enough" to raise extraordinary children.
The author gives us so many examples from Jewish history, Jewish women, her own childhood, and raising her own 2 daughters. Some touch us deeply, and much we laugh about. This is a very funny book, and both the poignancy and humor communicate the ultimate goal...how to be a truly good person, and how to raise children who are good people. She tells us specifically how to achieve this. Teach discipline but choose wisely what is important to enforce and don't put your child in a position where they are too young, tired, or hungry to handle a situation. Let your child try new things and not be afraid to fail. Be a geek yourself and encourage your child to love learning and be passionate about their interests, not worried about "self-esteem." Model acceptance of diversity to your children. Talk to your children and listen to them with respect. Don't focus on tests. Read to your children as long as they'll let you. Keep good books around, in hopes that they'll pick them up. Model charity to them. The word for charity means "righteousness." Take them with you as you do acts of charity and provide opportunity for them to do the same on their own. Counter materialism with teaching and modeling wisdom in finances and allow your children to earn, save, and spend wisely. Help them learn to give to others and to be people of justice by defending those who need it. Create a spiritual home by practicing meaningful ritual, telling stories, and modeling prayer. Find a place of worship that is accepting and encouraging of children's needs and maturity.
There are so many practical, uplifting examples in this book. It will bless all the children in your life and make a difference to you as well. We all want to be truly good people and have a positive, lasting influence in this world. (I received this book through the Goodreads Giveaway program.)
March 1, 2017
Ingall writes highly entertaining advice for mothers, both Jewish and not. I enjoyed her humour, personal anecdotes and bite-sized history of Jewish history. My lasting impression of this book is that to be a successful parent, you can be a good-enough mother who makes times for herself and chooses what battles to do die on.
March 19, 2017
I won a copy of this book on Goodreads.
This is a remarkable book that I recommend highly. It's not particularly long or a super fast read, but it sets down in a commonsense manner ways to rear children to be good people who contribute to the society in which they live. It's a book to savor, to read slowly, then repeat. It's a brilliant book filled with history, psychology, philosophy, wit, humor (no, wit and humor are not the same), and a healthy dose of the aforementioned not so common commonsense.
This is in many ways a textbook on many subjects, but it does not preach. Well, maybe a tiny bit in the final chapter or two before the epilogue, but that is not preaching in a religious sense. It's done with the purpose of emphasizing that children need to learn early to be involved in improving their communities and the world, to not focus too heavily on themselves.
The book is printed on luscious, heavy, creamy paper that's rarely seen in books today. The feel of the pages combined with the erudite writing urges you to read on. Honestly, this author comes across as a person I'd like to meet, to know, to have for a friend.
You need not be Jewish to appreciate the gentle guidance this book offers. It's advice for anyone, everyone, no matter their age, race, ethnicity, religion, or country of origin. It's valuable advice for everyone, whether they're raising a child or not. Reading this just might make you a better person. Pick up a copy when it hits bookstores on August 30 and read it. I think you'll be pleased with what you learn.
This is a remarkable book that I recommend highly. It's not particularly long or a super fast read, but it sets down in a commonsense manner ways to rear children to be good people who contribute to the society in which they live. It's a book to savor, to read slowly, then repeat. It's a brilliant book filled with history, psychology, philosophy, wit, humor (no, wit and humor are not the same), and a healthy dose of the aforementioned not so common commonsense.
This is in many ways a textbook on many subjects, but it does not preach. Well, maybe a tiny bit in the final chapter or two before the epilogue, but that is not preaching in a religious sense. It's done with the purpose of emphasizing that children need to learn early to be involved in improving their communities and the world, to not focus too heavily on themselves.
The book is printed on luscious, heavy, creamy paper that's rarely seen in books today. The feel of the pages combined with the erudite writing urges you to read on. Honestly, this author comes across as a person I'd like to meet, to know, to have for a friend.
You need not be Jewish to appreciate the gentle guidance this book offers. It's advice for anyone, everyone, no matter their age, race, ethnicity, religion, or country of origin. It's valuable advice for everyone, whether they're raising a child or not. Reading this just might make you a better person. Pick up a copy when it hits bookstores on August 30 and read it. I think you'll be pleased with what you learn.
September 18, 2016
Really enjoyed this fun tour through the ages and evolution of the Jewish mother and the most important role a Jewish mother plays in not only raising kids, but repairing the world! cleaning the house! Getting 'er done! Being a Jewish mother myself and also a friend and admirer of Marjorie Ingall's writings, this definitely did not disappoint, and was, in fact, quite enjoyable with some laugh-out-loud moments (which is not surprising, since I know the author and she is very funny in real life too). Especially love that this book focuses not just on the formal role of mothers in orthodox and ancient Jewish traditions, but the very clever path taken to amusingly and lovingly narrate experiences of the Jews over the ages-- and in 20th and 21st century America, and often using the examples of her own children to demonstrate the "real" and not "perfect" way this can be done. Also, how these experiences have evolved a much more socially conscious and values-driven Jewish mama for all of us-- who indeed raise resilient, kind and compassionate spawn. It's a miracle! It truly resonates with any mother trying to raise kids in our much more assimiliated, culturally blended technology-saturated world we live in now. Thanks for a great read, Marjorie!
October 19, 2016
I won this book in a Goodreads Giveaway for which I am asked nothing more than a fair and honest review. In this little book, the author proudly enumerates the many areas in which Jewish scholars, writers ,scientists, comedians, etc. excel, especially as compared to the tiny number of Jews in the population. According to her theory, they excel as a result of how they were raised, within the confines of the teachings of our faith. Initially, I read with great pride myself. As a Jewish mother who has raised five mensches, I found the advice given by Marjorie Ingall to be validating, insightful, and empowering. "Yes!!" I thought; we certainly know how to nurture fine and inquisitive young minds! Say what you will about us; you can't take our successes away from us!
However, I cannot help but wonder how this writing comes off to non-Jewish readers. It seems so self-aggrandizing. Truly, I feel blessed to have raised children who are self-sufficient, intelligent, compassionate, giving and caring, but I would never tell the world, "Just do what I did, what my mama did, what my grand-mama did....we have the answers!" For me, this line of reasoning just seems short sighted and boastful. All faiths speak to discipline, hard work, charity and compassion, don't they?
However, I cannot help but wonder how this writing comes off to non-Jewish readers. It seems so self-aggrandizing. Truly, I feel blessed to have raised children who are self-sufficient, intelligent, compassionate, giving and caring, but I would never tell the world, "Just do what I did, what my mama did, what my grand-mama did....we have the answers!" For me, this line of reasoning just seems short sighted and boastful. All faiths speak to discipline, hard work, charity and compassion, don't they?
September 5, 2016
Mamaleh does a lot of things well, but can't make up its mind what kind of book it wants to be. There's some great parenting advice, but it's often only tenuously related to being Jewish. There are some great thoughts about modern Jewish identity, but they're often only tenuously related to raising kids.
Ultimately, I wish this book had been written as an Anne Lamott-style memoir instead of a parenting how-to. When Ingall is talking about her kids and her struggles, she's warm, funny, and relatable; when she offers general applications to go with them, it feels like a skippable "discussion questions for your book club" section. I wanted more Josie and Maxie humor and less Holocaust humor.
Ingall's writing is sharp and smart. My guess is that years of column writing has made her a pro at short work; once she masters the full-length novel form, she'll be a force to reckon with.
(I received this book for free through a Goodreads giveaway.)
Ultimately, I wish this book had been written as an Anne Lamott-style memoir instead of a parenting how-to. When Ingall is talking about her kids and her struggles, she's warm, funny, and relatable; when she offers general applications to go with them, it feels like a skippable "discussion questions for your book club" section. I wanted more Josie and Maxie humor and less Holocaust humor.
Ingall's writing is sharp and smart. My guess is that years of column writing has made her a pro at short work; once she masters the full-length novel form, she'll be a force to reckon with.
(I received this book for free through a Goodreads giveaway.)
October 1, 2016
This book is the perfect companion to How to Raise an Adult and Free Range Kids. The messages about parenting philosophy are simple and relaxed, and each chapter ends with a numbered list of take-away tips/tricks/suggestions, which is easily digestible for TL;DR people.
I'm not sure how successful the book will be for non-Jews; a lot of the references to Jewish history, culture, tradition, and religion were already familiar to me and didn't pose any barrier to reading it. I would love to hear a perspective from someone completely unfamiliar with Jewish anything on how the book felt to them. Was it accessible? Did it come across as too religious or too arrogant?
I personally loved it, and can definitely see the value of this book in the trend of "stop helicoptering and just relax and don't raise jerks" parenting books, and would therefore definitely recommend adding it to the library collection.
I'm not sure how successful the book will be for non-Jews; a lot of the references to Jewish history, culture, tradition, and religion were already familiar to me and didn't pose any barrier to reading it. I would love to hear a perspective from someone completely unfamiliar with Jewish anything on how the book felt to them. Was it accessible? Did it come across as too religious or too arrogant?
I personally loved it, and can definitely see the value of this book in the trend of "stop helicoptering and just relax and don't raise jerks" parenting books, and would therefore definitely recommend adding it to the library collection.
September 11, 2016
As a half Jew raised with limited understanding of the beliefs and traditions, I've always said I am Jewish by values, not so much by faith. I learned more about those values in this delightful book than ever in one place before. Whether you are are raising a kid or not, Marjorie's book is worthwhile. Her profound insights are grounded in well-cited research and delivered with funny, snarly and straight forward humor. I plan to send this book to friends and family. Highly recommended for anyone wanting insight to living well.
September 26, 2016
I am not a Jewish mother (at least not yet), but I am a longtime fan of Marjorie Ingall's work, and this book is yet another example of her fresh, sparkly, and witty writing. Ingall blends personal anecdotes with historical and biblical stories, along with wise advice that isn't just for moms but for everyone who hopes to be a little more decent to the people around them. Mamaleh Knows Best is what I wish my Hebrew school experience had been like--delightful, informative, and a little bit subversive, with a healthy dose of Yiddish sprinkled in. Read it!
August 11, 2016
Hey, Jewish moms, you know you don’t need China, France or the Nordic nations to teach you a thing about raising kids. You’ve got the community and the history behind you, the research studies in your pocket, and your own mom reminding you to be true to who you are and teach your kids to do the same—and now you’ve got this book, from the always-funny Marjorie Ingall, to remind you of all the ways you’re already getting it right (and maybe offer a few suggestions for more.)
November 21, 2016
I loved this book. I loved the tone - funny, a little snarky, and smart as heck. I loved the philosophy. I loved the reminders to do the things I know I should be doing as a parent, but are all too easy to forget as my girls grow and age and their needs and abilities change.
Thank you for writing this.
Thank you for writing this.
November 22, 2016
Even though my children are grown, I still enjoyed learning about the Jewish culture, specifically, what they celebrate during their holidays. All of their teachings make sense to me on not just raising children but being a good citizen, respecting yourself and others, embracing diversity. These are concepts we need to hold onto during this era of new leadership in our country.
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