You know, if you write a draft of a book and your publisher’s like, “that’s not what I asked for, thank you,” maybe there’s something to be said for putting that draft in a drawer for a bit instead of immediately self-publishing it. Just saying!
Here’s the thing…. I don’t think I’ve encountered a fundamental plot element this offensively implausible since CS Pacat solved the Epstein problem (!) in Captive Prince 3. I love you but girl….. pull it together!
The thing is, this is a book that’s totally set in reality except that also, a pseudoscience historically used by law enforcement to try to wrongfully convict people is real and totally works, actually.
What??
It screams “I LOVE this element of the story, I’ll do whatever it takes to keep it” but actually that element destroys the entire effectiveness of the story. Kill your darlings is such a cliched phrase but in this case KJC needed to fully murder graphology and she should have really held off on publishing until she had the emotional distance to do that. Or she needed to make this fantasy, and fwiw I think she was just too lazy to do all that. I don’t judge, laziness is a virtue in my eyes, but if that was her approach she needed to do the ultimate lazy move and just Not Publish This For The Time Being.
I really couldn’t take it, especially when it’s all coming from bargain bin Justin Lazarus + a cop who makes Watson look like Sherlock. (I did, however, love the mustache bit. Bring back the mustache!) The characterizations…. Well, cop boy had one - sad sack. Frankly not someone I enjoyed spending time with. BBJL? At one point he thinks about how he has lots of friends…… prove it, KJ!! This guy had red hair and a prosthetic hook and a shitty studio apartment, and he gets horny or emotional when needed. That’s it.
Yeah the thing is, this is clearly a non-final draft, or at least what should have been a non-final draft:
- A disconcertingly large amount of the action takes place totally off-page, while the POV character sits at home wondering what’s happening. Tragic that I would have to experience this in a KJC book of all places. The pacing was also wildly bad: nothing happened and then what should have been like 70% of the plot was summarized via the last 30% of the book.
- There are numerous (!) instances of a character saying/doing something, followed immediately by an explanation of why “it was smart actually, because it was a reference to something that happened in a prior scene, but I didn’t tell you about it then, so I’m telling you now, don’t you think it’s a fun moment now that you know?” Yes, a fun moment for which absolutely no groundwork was laid. Augh!! (I added the “Augh!!” to my notes app note for this review when it happened YET again. Tell me you dashed this off and the editor was only there to catch typos without telling me… except I caught at least one typo.)
- I’m going to mention one plot hole-adjacent thing as an example…….. our intrepid Inspector D. Tective writes to Graphologist (Gag) under a fake name to arrange a consultation. G is able to easily find D, though, because although he used a fake name, he used HIS OWN ADDRESS. Hwhat?? I’m sorry, ACAB and by that I mean This Cop Is Bad at being a cop!
- The writing did not seem as fully rooted in its era as KJC’s work usually is - I could not tell for quite some time whether they were referring to WWI or WWII as the war that just happened because some of the characterizations and dialogue were oddly modern. (And - “Sometimes you just have to do the thing”? Okay then Angela Bassett!)
- Anything where a character’s police job is brought up in a sexual context when they’re the one engaging in force/strength/dominance….. creep city. (I guess your mileage may vary, I was reminded a little of the roleplay scene in Home Ice Advantage which I understand people liked but which made my skin crawl. I’m sorry MCs everywhere, please keep your roleplay and your real life in extremely separate compartments if your real life involves employment in a position of authority!) (Just to be extremely clear, cops can be subs or vanilla ONLY! I would say I don’t make the rules but I am in fact making the rule!)
- I am neither Indian nor free of my left hand, but the rep did not seem as uh nuanced as it has been elsewhere in KJC’s oeuvre.
I will say it’s incredible that KJC’s grandmother read handwriting per her author’s note…. Bc mine did too! I’m actually grateful to that for serving as an early example of how someone’s beliefs can have no basis in reality and yet that will absolutely NOT stop them from forcing those beliefs on everyone around them… in this case by trying to read her grandchildren’s handwriting, failing miserably, and continuing to do it anyway for years. (Nowadays she’s spending most of her time relishing the fact that after decades—and decades—a certain political party is finally meeting her on her level….. just in case you were wondering where pseudoscience like “reading handwriting” leads. And if you run into my grandmother out there, you’re welcome to ask her about her graphology skills or, say, the healing properties of colloidal silver.)
Anyway - I know it’s hard to accept, but, KJ… KJ…. You gotta throw this one out, or just do a total rewrite. I have faith in you! But in the meantime, in honor of Captive Prince 3, I gotta give it one star. 🙂
I read this in ebook form ofc. Nice in theory that the editor was credited but a little bit awkward in reality. The title (coined by Metylda) is a lot of fun, and so is the cover (designed by James Egan of Bookfly Design).