What Do You Say to a Naked Elf?

Lowth #1

by Cheryl Sterling

Jane Drysdale's humdrum life as a saleswoman of adult notions takes a turn for the bizarre when she is catapulted into a fairy tale world replete with sexually repressed elves, dangerous dwarves, and wacko wizards. Original.

Genres: Romance, Fantasy, Paranormal, Paranormal Romance, Fiction, Rom Com, M F Romance

326 pages, Paperback

First published January 4, 2005

About the author

Cheryl Sterling is an American author of several paranormal and contemporary romance novels and short stories. Her first novel, What Do You Say to a Naked Elf?, was a finalist in the TARA contest and was later sold to Leisure Books, an imprint of Dorchester Publishing.
Cheryl is a co-founder and past president of Grand Rapids Region Writers Group in Grand Rapids, MI. She has conducted several workshops that focused on the writing craft and co-chaired their first “I’ve Always Wanted to Write a Book” regional conference.
In her spare time (she’s retired, so there’s that, but she writes a lot, so, never mind), she reads. All genres (except suspense and horror because she reserves the right to mess with readers’ minds). She loves history (lots of ideas to steal borrow), sci-fi, fantasy, paranormal, regencies (who knew so many eligible Dukes were around?), anything Doctor Who, and/or quantum entanglement.
Her passion is learning and improving her craft, but mostly, she is a teacher.
Cheryl currently lives in Phoenix with her husband and their cat, Coco Xena.

Reviews

[Libby · Rating 4 out of 5]

My mom wrote this book - how cool to be so close to the action!

[Karen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was better than I thought it would be. I rather enjoyed it and thought that the characters and story were well created. That is, until the end. I felt that the ending was a bit rushed and too pat. Everything came together in a way that, although not unexpected, seemed a little too perfect.

[Zehavit · Rating 2 out of 5]

A book about a sex toy seller seducing her elven lawyer who is defending her for a murder of a criminal bunny should have been a lot more entertaining...

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up at a Library used book sale. Yes, I'll admit it I bought it ONLY because of the title! It's really good so far!
I LOVED how the begining of it takes place in Walker, MICHIGAN! Not far from me at all! I used to work in Walker so I know exactly what she's talking about.

Such a page turner! I spent many nights up way too late reading this! I finished an hour or so ago. SUCH a great ending!

[Angie Brasher · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF - I was really excited for this book. It sounded wonderful and hilarious, but it was just so boring. I couldn't get invested in any of the characters or the story. The smut, which I skipped ahead to read just to see if there was a bright light on the horizon, was lackluster. It was just majorly disappointing.

[Mallory · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this as a joke don't worry.

[Titania Remakes the World · Rating 4 out of 5]

I LOVED this book, have reread it multiple times, and plan to reread it more later!! It's funny, very romantic, great well-written dialogue and the steamy hotness parts are well-written. Great story line and World-building, loved the characters. The world is like a grownup Harry Potter.

Jane, female lead, reminds me of a grownup Pollyanna (Pollyanna movie), always looking to make a bad situation better, always trying to help people, even if she puts herself at dire risk. She consistently makes choices that are out-of-left-field, irreverent, funny, good-hearted and attempting to be helpful.
Her life choices may be off-putting on Earth, but I suspect they may have deep, invisible, magical helpfulness in the Elf world. Initially in the first few pages, she's understandably a little abrasive towards her kidnappers.

Charlie, male lead, reminds me of a grumpy, frumpy Marc Darcy (Bridget Jones Diary) who gets knocked out of his stale little life by Jane. His worship of "rules & regulations" and his desperate desire to conform take a beating when Jane busts into his life.

AUTHOR: Please Cheryl Sterling, Please! I would LOVE to see this built out into a series and Roberts Rules Undone #2 re-edited and reissued towards that goal. Or this small series rebooted and built out into 10, and don't be shy to have a team of writers dream-up escapades to pack into it. Other authors do it.
Desired Potential Outline for Build-out of Series (contains unavoidable spoilers)

1) Dramatics involving initial growing pains involving new pregnancy and new relationship.

a) Early Stages of Pregnancy: (1-2 books)
i) Possible fights over Jane's independence & desire to be more than an "sheltered oven", her wanting to get out & explore this new world vs. real threats to her & the throne. Dramatic fireworks, Breakup & Makeup potential.
ii) Miscarriage risks for Jane, and deeply touching scenes with Charlie. Does this initial pregnancy fail, freeing Jane up for stretching out a very dramatic & lengthy 10-book courtship? Or should the pregnancy be troubled? (touching scene either way).
iii) Two leads still don't know each other that well, and should be some dramatics over adapting to living with each other, and Jane’s adaption to a 3rd-world country, which may be more than she bargained for.
iv) Charlie’s New Political Status: Could this go to his head, either his ego, or his workaholism? This could cause Breakups & Juicy Makeups during the pregnancy & for the next few years for them.
v) Jane’s Adjustment to 3rd-World Lifestyle while Pregnant: Ongoing issues. Funny, and/or leading to fights.
vi) Community & World-wide dramatics over fertility boom, and who might've been leftout and pissed, or died due to lack of medical care? Vendettas, wars started, Kidnap attempts.
(1) Kidnap risk: These “fertile” women would be viewed as great targets for kidnap by the left-out, as viable “brides”. The kids they carry could be used as barter, slaves, or adoptees.
(a) Jane would be a great target.
vii) Male Impact & Panic: individually and community: if an entire world that was pretty much infertile for decades should suddenly have the female workforce go to "light duty" or deal with morning sickness. Humor, realistic problems, dramatics potential.
viii) Lack of medical care to handle all the load, heart-rending, touching scenes there.


b) Middle Stages (1 book)
i) Still growing pains for new relationship. Breakups & Super-Hot Makeups.
ii) Jane’s Adjustment to 3rd-World Lifestyle while Pregnant: Ongoing issues. Funny, or leading to fights.
iii) Community & World-Wide Impacts: healthwise, medical care, wars & vendettas continue.
a) Late Stages:
i) Medical Scares: Community wide, worldwide, and personal level. Very touching scenes. I want to see Charlie put through the wringer.
(1) Statistically there will be some deaths due to lack of medical care, which will prompt hatred, jealousy, retribution.
ii) Community & World-Wide Impacts: not enough medical care, world-wide PANIC trying to line up the staff.
(1) Humor potential with trying to train everybody for labor & delivery, setting up the assembly lines.
(2) Vulnerability to Attack: increasing as the women literally become more defenseless, and the more community labor gets diverted to helping them.

b) Labor: (1 book)
i) All heck breaks loose.
(1) Community & World-Wide:
(a) labors everywhere, not enough medical care. Lucille Ball in the chocolate factory.
(i) Some deaths, resulting in vendettas, and kidnap attempts.
(b) Communities are very vulnerable at this time, so it’s PERFECT time to attack.
(2) Jane’s Labor: this should be heartrending & touching, and Charlie definitely should be put through the wringer. Maybe it comes early while they are traveling or running from the bad guys.

c) Post-Babies (Sky’s the limit on number of books)
(1) Community & World-Wide:
(a) Lots of alienated people who either didn’t get the fertility, or it failed for them tragically. As they see the babies, the anger builds. Wars.
(b) Vulnerability to Attack: kidnap of both babies and fertile women.
(c) Community adjustment to babies—which had become rare. Lack of medical and childcare help. Humor & Practical growing pains.
(2) Jane’s Adjustment to 3rd-World Lifestyle with a Baby and a New Relationship:
(a) Lots of stress on the relationship: babycare, housework, diaper trauma in a 3rd World without Pampers or Washer & Dryers, lack of sleep, loss of independence for Jane which would be a HUGE DEAL. Jane may find herself dreaming of sneaking off for a nice Earth vacation with a TV, hottub, or some rare privacy, maybe secretly inner-tube floating down a gorgeous Earth river in her hometown. This could go awry really badly, with lots of dramatics.
(b) Charlie is most likely naïve to the Western Civilization idea of Daddies helping Mommies with baby & housework. Probably huge frustration for Jane. He may view this as the time to really became workaholic and disappear, or become besotted with his new status, this is the social status he always wanted as a kid. Growing pains. Breakups & Makeups.

[Shanna Hale · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was....cute. I picked it up because a co-worker made fun of it and I thought the title was funny. It had potential. It did not live up to it. It felt very much like the author was trying WAY too hard. The heroine is supposed to be flippant and sassy. She simply comes off as brash and annoying. Sadly, what should be an endearing trait makes her very unlikable. Both worlds seemed to take to each other far too easily--Jane to the world of magic (within a day, she was perfectly ok with this world where she can suddenly rip holes in walls) and the elves to Earth things (ie, the sex toys Jane sells as a second job and Earth lingerie). The love interest spends too much time flipping back and forth (I can't stand her! No I want her!) Theirs is a relationship driven purely by physical desire; there is very little to recommend a true-love match. There was far too much coincidence, with the ending all wrapped up and tied with a pretty bow. All that being said, it is a cute story, if you're looking for a no-brainer to chill with.

[Valerie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read this book so many times I’m surprised I haven’t gotten a good reader badge lol. I LOVE this book. It’s full of action, adventure, and love with surprises around every corner! I started reading it again but stopped to read a few others, I knew it would be waiting for me to come back to it 😋

[Christie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is one of the worst things I've ever tried to read, with one of the most annoying heroines I've ever encountered. I'm glad I only initially bought the (used) book to display in my weird book collection.

[Jessica Walters · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where is my portal between dimensions? I want to go.

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

My favorite "heaving bosoms" book. 😂.

[Joan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Writing’s not bad but this book is stoo-pid.

[Arminzerella · Rating 1 out of 5]

A romance/fantasy combination that was published by Lovespell, this book had some potential, but quickly lost it. The main character, Jane Drysdale, is a pushy, brassy woman who lost my sympathy in the first few pages. She is abducted by a band of elves and taken back to their world for trial – she ran down a rabbit that was actually a shape-shifting elf. Her representative, Charlie, is a Welphite (which seems to be some kind of elf/fairy cross – he has wings that he’s been ashamed of most of his life). He alternates between being kind of a bookish prude and being a manly man. They fall in love quickly, but in the usual romance fashion there are all sorts of ridiculous misunderstandings that they don’t talk about and which keep them apart until a climactic end where they declare their undying love for one another.

The pacing is a bit too fast. There’s not really time for them to fall in love, and you don’t really like either of them very much, so you don’t care when they do. Because they act stupid around one another, you also feel that they deserve their romantic pain.

The rest of the story could have been interesting, as well. Jane discovers that she, too, has elf blood and that the land of the elves is welcoming her like a long lost friend. The King of the elves is an interesting and odd character, too. But you find out in the end that his loopiness is due to some drug he’s been taking over the past 10 years in order to unravel a prophecy – which Jane then deciphers in less than 10 minutes. Right. Whatever.

Without any real explanation for her importance, the book ends with Jane telling us all that the terrible curse over the land is because the world missed her so much. Ok, Jane. Why don’t you get a bigger head? And then she and Charlie and their royal blood unite and they live happily ever after.

It’s too bad. I mean, I knew it couldn’t end well when it started off so poorly, but this was really bad. It had a catchy title, so I decided to try it even though it was a romance. The fantasy element wasn’t strong enough, and it seemed like it was trying too hard to be both things and not doing well at either of them. Pass this one up. It really isn’t worth your time.

[Nic · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm using this book to cheer up after reading "Cat's Eye" - it kind of rocks my world. XD The protagonist has a tendency to do and say things that I myself might do or say. Of course, it does do that romance-novel thing where the couple spars all the time and there's *tension* which at times feels a little like "Why don't they just TALK TO EACH OTHER?" But while it's definitely not high literature, it's funny and very fun.

. . . Wow, having just finished it, I have to say that this book had more plot than I thought! It also was quite silly, though I'm not complaining. It had an ending so sweet that I, a huge sucker for happy endings, was almost sick - almost. It was sort of a giddy, queasy, giggly level of happiness, like eating an entire cake. I do wonder, though: *spoiler ahead* Given that no one was actually bad in the end, but they were pretty much all in on a big test for the heroes and were all saccharine good guys, why did they let seven minor characters get killed who were caught in the crossfire? I guess not EVERYONE was in on it, and one fellow sort of went rogue and was responsible for the deaths of quite a few others, but still.



Re-read 1-26-2011 for Popular Materials in Libraries class, Romance section

[Katie(babs) · Rating 1 out of 5]

Other than the title being catchy, this story which starts out with a bang becomes very annoying quick. The heroine Jane is the reason the story is so tedious. Jane is one that is so outspoken to the point that you want to tape her mouth up. I suppose it was meant to be funny and cute but after awhile you wish some wizard would make her vanish.
Our annoying heroine accidentally runs over a rabbit, which in actuality is a shift changing elf. A band of elves kidnap her, including the hero Charlie and take her to their land of Sylthia for the crime of running over the little bunny.

Charlie is half elf, sprite, a kitchen sink? He is Jane's lawyer and basic guide to help her become accustomed to her new home. Hopefully Jane will be innocent of the crime so she can help the people of elf land and find some love with stuffy Charlie, who is the only redeemable character in this whole mess.

Again, Jane is beyond annoying. Along with throwing sex parties on Earth, she does the same with the simple elves to help them have children. She is overall brassy and whiney. Why would Charlie want her anyway?

Again, the story is a conviluted mess with sub-plot after mystery unfolding to the point you scratch your head.

Rent or read Lord of the Rings instead.

[Lynda Tatad · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this book on a recommendation of a friend who knows my taste in books, so, Thank You Amy H!!

I really enjoyed this book. Jane Drysdale is on her way home from a business party late one night, when a bunny hops in front of her car and causes her to crash. Her "rescuers" end up taking her through a portal, where she is put on trial for the "murder" of a shapeshifting elf (the bunny).

Discovering it's not a dream, she discovers she's in a world of elves, fairies, dwarves, wizards and a demented King. Asking her lawyer (who looks a lot like Legolas from the Lords of the Rings movies) to prove that he's 1/2 elf and 1/2 fairy causes him to remover her shirt... and ... oh my! Jane then has some pretty serious adventures, and finds out few things about herself and her mother that changes her worldview on her life!

It's a fun humorous, romantic adventure story! Looking forward to seeing what this new author thinks up next!

[Deebles · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have often wondered what the difference was between Paranormal Romance novels and the Urban Fantasy style that I usually read and this book answered my question. Paranormal Romance (just like a normal romance that I wouldn't usually read) is more based around the romantic story and sex rather than the underlying story.

I loved the alternate world that Sterling created in this book full of elves, fae, goblins etc but in my preferred genre I think the romance between Charlie and Jane and all the sexual tension would have been played down a bit more, of course it would still have been there, but it would be the underlying story and not the other way round.

This was however, a very quick enjoyable read with little attention needed and the few plot twists were very obvious but sometimes a non-brainer is just what you need.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

Jane Drysdale hits a bunny with her car, and is immediately transported to the fairy-world of Lowth to stand trial for the murder of a shape-shifting elf. Her lawyer/bailiff, Charlie is a handsome elf/fairy half-breed with mesmerizing wings. After her arrival, Jane finds she may be the key to an important mystery.
The writing style is engaging, littered with 'Earth-slang' and pop-culture references. The world of Lowth is well-thought-out (unlike a lot of fantasy/paranormal romances) and captivating. The characters are believable and real, with logical emotions and motivations (also not found in many romance novels). Although the ending was slightly anti-climactic, I very much enjoyed this book.

[Nicole (nii_reads) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had been eying this book for a while (I mean YEARS) before I finally gave in and bought it off Amazon. From the book description, how could you not?! And I was so glad that I did!

I couldn't put the book down once I started! Jane is such a hilarious character - she speaks her mind, loves her Earth-isms, and isn't afraid to trust her instincts. And I love that Charlie is her opposite in every way, serious, her 'stick in the mud'. And the book kept you going! You'd think that they were so close to solving one mystery when BAM! Anther get's thrown at you.

Thinking back, I think I read this book in about two days. It was perfect!

I highly recommend this book to everyone! It'll make you laugh, cry, scream, and leap for joy. No, really - it will.

[Dana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Jane Drysdale accidentally runs over a rabbit, which in actuality is a shift changing elf. A band of elves kidnap her and take her to their land of Sylthia for the crime of running over the little bunny. Charlie is the lawyer in charge of helping Jane out. Boy meets girl or rather elf meets girl. Troubles and then love. Typical romance with a little twist.

Jane is a most annoying character who sells sex toys in real life and speaks her mind without thinking. I think it was supposed to be funny but I found Jane more stupid than funny. The plot is thin but romances are not known for their great plotlines.

[Donna]

What Do You Say to a Naked Elf? by Cheryl Sterling
I picked this up because I thought it was a spin-off of How to Flirt with a Naked Werewolf by Molly Harper which I thought was cute. If you liked that you should like this.
In What Do You Say to a Naked Elf? Jane Drysdale is on her way home and hits a bunny rabbit. She is then kidnapped by elves and informed that the bunny she hit was a shape shifting sheep stealing elf and she must pay for hitting him. Fun, complications and romance ensue.

[Jacky · Rating 1 out of 5]

FINALLY DONE WITH THIS. I didn't think there was anything worse that Love, Rosie, but I've been proven wrong. At least Love, Rosie, had large margins and huge pages so you could make fun of it while you were reading it. What Do You Say to a Naked Elf? anticipates the fact that you're probably going to deface it and reacts by evolving to have only a slim margins. Oh, the plot sucks. That's all I'm going to say. Prepared to be underwhelmed. Now I can finally focus on doing what I originally intended to do, read comics.

[Heather Hay · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was shelving this book at the library when I saw it, and decided to read it based on the cover only. I figured its the holidays, it's got an elf in it, I'm game. The book helped me survive the car dealership waiting room, but if I were home I may have put it down sooner. It was cute. It had fantasy stuff I like. It had comedic chatty banter that made me irritated at fellow cynical women.

Ehm. Cute.

[Rebecca · Rating 2 out of 5]

I didn't realize this was a full-out romance when I bought it. I enjoy the chick lit that's all lovey-dovey, but I'm not really into explicitly sexual scenes. It's just not my thing and this book was all about it. I did enjoy Jane's sarcasm and dry humor, which is very similar to my own. I liked Charlie, but since I don't read much science fiction it was a little difficult to get into. All in all, not my cup of tea.

[LPL Staff Reviews · Rating 2 out of 5]

I normally read fantasy that is darker and more violent but with a title like this I was intrigued. I wanted to enjoy this title more. And, I think it had the potential to be hilarious but felt like it tried too hard. It was cute. There were a few scenes that I liked, but the humor did not last for me and the plot was too predictable.

Amber S.
Librarian
Mahon Branch

[Sarah E B ʚ♡ɞ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Totally different from anything else I've ever read. Cute story but not for me. It was just sort of meh! I think there was a good book in there somewhere, but it never jumped out at me. I didn't get the impression that Jane really loved Charlie. I think she desired him, but love. I don't know. Anyway, I was disappointed.

[Biz · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG, I loved this book, much more than I thought I would. I want to see more of the world this author created and more of the characters. I can see whe perhaps set it up for a sequel, or a series and I would love to see it continue.

[FlibBityFLooB · Rating 3 out of 5]

The strange title made me read this book. I don't think it really reflected anything about the plot, however.

Filled with elves, fairies, a wizard, etc - this book was certainly filled with adventure. The ending was far too syrupy, and therefore was a big let down. Tied up way too easily.

[Robin Reynolds · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was an amusing and fun read, though a little confusing at times. It seemed like an ambitious attempt to create an alternate world and I thought perhaps it was the first in a series, but when I googled the author, it looks like she hasn't published any other books.