How Could You Do That? The Abdication of Character, Courage, Conscience

by Laura Schlessinger

Here's an approach that can make a genuine difference in the quality of your life and in the lives of those you love. Dr. Laura Schlessinger delivers a witty, wise, and workable moral philosophy based on the principle of personal responsibility. With a lively, pull-no-punches style, she takes on the moral dilemmas of our time, and demonstrates in no uncertain terms that personal values are always our own responsibility, and that choosing not to honor them actually compounds unhappiness. Finally, she explains that by disciplining self-indulgence and rising above temptation, we can discover the infinite pleasure, the true happiness, of the moral high ground.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Religion, Inspirational, Personal Growth

Audible Audio

First published January 1, 1996

About the author

Laura Catherine Schlessinger (born January 16, 1947) is an American talk radio host, socially conservative commentator and author. Her radio program consists mainly of her responses to callers' requests for personal advice and has occasionally featured her short monologues on social and political topics. Her website says that her show "preaches, teaches, and nags about morals, values and ethics".

Reviews

[Diane · Rating 2 out of 5]

Once upon a time, I had some respect for this shrill woman. Obviously back before I knew what a hypocrite she is. It does not diminish the fact that we all should live by principles and stick to those and so on. It is just interesting that she throws hers off the first chance she gets.
It was especially enlightening to read her support of people condemning those who did the wrong thing. Including a woman who is supporting her transgender sister to the dismay of her father. Dr. Laura was on the side of the women?? Huh??
What a difference a couple decades makes.
I no longer listen to her or have respect for her.
But even a broken clock is right twice a day. The world and this country would be a better place if more of us thought first, instead of just going with out feelings.

[Julie Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I don't agree with many of Schlessinger's views, particularly her views on any sexuality other than hetero, her misogyny, closed-mindedness, and her personal hypocrisy, I do appreciate her belief in behaving with honor and the importance of choosing character, courage, and conscience over immediate desires. Her "go do the right thing" mantra has always resonated with me, and she freely admits that there is often plenty of external costs to doing so. Because of this, it's easy to start to manipulate your moral code and values into those that are more convenient. I'm glad I revisited her. This book is a keeper and full of words of wisdom even though I very much dislike her as a person.

[Cathie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ok, before you shoot me, or at least put me down for reading this book, read the book. Although I do not like the history of the author, this book, written some time ago, has meaning and merit, especially in our "me, me, me", world of today. Happiness is not based on anything that is instant gratification (but troubles and problems are, either ours or others).It's message is to accept responsibility for our actions, throw away our justifications for our own bad behavior and don't impose on others what we want them to be, do or act like. Sort of like the Serenity Prayer in action. Sound advice with spirituality added. A book based on honoring commitments, being true to a moral code and not doing what just feels good.

[Valerie R · Rating 4 out of 5]

People will rationalize anything if they are never really questioned as to their integrity.

[Susan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Preachy & obnoxious. Couldn't finish.

[Anne Hamilton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Is this book only thirty years old? It shows how much our culture has changed across the turn of the century. No doubt, the presentation was confrontational back at the end of the 20th century but it's seems unimaginable that anyone could get away with such blunt, assertive behaviour today. The age of offence is well and truly on us; and it is not up to those offended to develop resilience or discernment but rather to ensure their sensitivity control and manipulates the situation.

Schlessinger quotes Bruno Bettelheim who was imprisoned in both Buchenwald and Dachau and who concluded that a camp inmate's personality dissolution began the moment he justified wrong behaviour as caused by outside oppression. "Blaming others or outside conditions for one's own misbehaviour may be the child's privilege; if an adult denies responsibility for his own actions, it is another step towards personality disintegration." (The Informed Heart)

Sharla was punished for doing the right thing because others didn't want to deal with the wrongdoing. If they dealt with it, they'd have to face issues of guilt for either helping to cause the problems or not acting to solve the problems. (p77)

When a movement or ideology emphasises rights as opposed to a balance of rights and responsibilities, a destructive force is in the making. (p90)

Exaggerating complaints to avoid taking responsibility is a self-defence technique. Take this a step further and you have an individual whose virtual identity is the "hurt one". (p135)

Doing the best in a bad situation is different from devaluing the ideal, never working towards it, and expecting no judgment and no negative consequences. (p174)

There is such a thing as morally incorrect compassion; for example, dramatic concern for "young folk in love" where the male has abandoned wife and children and failure to aid the family left behind. This is a slap in the face to that family. (p183)

In a nation of excuses and victims, the inevitable defensive consequence is to denigrate individuals who do well in spite of circumstances. Afro-Americans who do well are dismissed as Uncle Toms. Women who don't see the world as a male conspiracy organised against them are considered either ignorant or elite. (p252)

"Unquestionably though the greatest victims have been children themselves. In the field of personal relationships, two systems of thought, two ways of life, have collided, one which speaks of interdependence, the other of independence. The battle against the family has been conducted in terms of rights - the rights of men to have relationships unencumbered by lasting duties, the rights of women to be free of men, the rights of each of us to plot our private paths to happiness, undistracted by the claims of others... What remains are fragments, temporary attachments, terminable and contractual arrangements, unpredictable sequences in which our lives are thrown together without expectation, hope or emotional investment." Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, The Ottawa Citizen, 31 March 1995.

[Arwen · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a book by Dr. Laura. and I didn't know if I would like it or not because I think Dr. Laura is kind of a loud mouth. But I ended up agreeing with almost everything she had to say. I'm having a hard time summing it up because it had so many good points, so I'm borrowing an online review from http://www.flipkart.com/could-you-do-... If you are interested please read the whole review it does a good job at explaining why I liked the book.

"A wise and witty book that topples the lame excuses we invent when we do the wrong thing, "How Could You Do That?!" challenges readers to find their Character, Conscience, Courage, Self-respect, Morals, Integrity, and Principles by discussing such issues as love versus lust, irresponsible parenting, and the mindless pursuit of happiness at the expense of others."

Basically people try too much to wimp out of situations because it felt right or good at the time and they think that should negate the consequences of their actions. Dr. Laura says "No Way" suck it up and realize that your decisions have consequences no matter how they "felt" which is way good morals always win out in the end.

[Amy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. The theme of courage, conscience, and character - things that we don't really talk about in everyday life. But the importance of these values are huge in the overall success of one's life.

Things that I loved:
-many times, even if you get away with something bad, it does not account for the damage done to your perception of who you are (conscience)
-being courageous and standing up for what you believe is right can definitely create backlash from society, your family, your work place, but the upside is that your conscience is clean and you have respect for yourself
-doing the right thing is rarely easy but that is how you build your character and become proud of yourself

[Jessie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a welcome read to helping those of us who want a real dose of truth-telling from an author who doesn't shy away from just that.

I loved this book and learned much that was never taught to me, but now I know what living with character, conscience and courage means, along with a lot of others goodies that leads to living a moral, honest and happy life doing what is right.

I could not stop reading this book, because it's so informative, as well as, engaging! Thank you Dr. Schlessinger.

[Charlie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh, this book is a 2.5 for me. Whilst s it was quite interesting in parts it seemed to drone on and on in some parts with the same message. Whilst repetition is a great way to make an idea like”radical responsibility” stick, it was a bore to read, especially when so much of the book was focussed on sexual deviance of people with children and families. For someone who does not fall into this category, it was a rather boring read.

[Eugenia · Rating 3 out of 5]

Many years ago, I used to listen to Dr Laura on the radio. At the time, I liked a lot of her answers to her callers questions but didn't agree with some of her specific values and biases that she also discussed. I felt the same way listening to this book... Some of her ideas about same sex relationships, sexual harassment in the workplace and similar issues are repugnant to me; but I did enjoy most of the callers questions and the way she got her callers to evaluate their situations

[No Face · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book contains many short stories that kinda loose my focus. I stopped after reading half of the book. Her sarcastic way of questioning her patients is hilarious but most of the time, it just feels…not right to me

“The quality of our lives is not created solely by the events in our lives. It is in our unique response to life that we define our lives.”

“..the last of the human freedoms--to choose one's attitude in any given set of circum-stances, to choose one's own way."

[jeffrey · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nagging and hectoring, Dr. Laura makes a compelling case for holding on to and honoring character, courage and conscience in conducting our everyday lives, even if it's difficult. I agree with the general concepts, but not with some of the numerous specific examples provided. The book is a good starting point for honest discussion.

[Kathleen Brandt · Rating 2 out of 5]

Dr. Laura is nasty, harsh and judgmental. I am not enjoying it from a 2023 life perspective, but it's like coming across a car accident...can't pass by without rubbernecking. I don't recommend this book.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some love her, some hate her. I, for one, love her. This is a great book for anyone wanting to take responsibility for their own lives.

[Rebecca Dean · Rating 4 out of 5]

I took copious notes when I read this book and wrote things to remember inside the front cover.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good

[Colleen · Rating 3 out of 5]

Picked it up with a stack of other used books and they have been sitting on the side of my bed for almost a year now...time to at least check them out.

I find Dr. Laura's show funny - and appreciate someone who encourages moral living. She challenges the phrase "I'm just human" - used as the ultimate excuse for bad choices. Her premise - as far as I've read in the first chapter - is that to be human is to rise above the base, instinctual, animal reactions that govern the rest of the animal kingdom; that we, being "only human", have the capacity for true humanity in the couragous, virtuous and compassion characters that we develop living true to our conscience. I am finding her book as entertaining as her talk show...she uses lots of caller transcripts to illustrate her point.

It's intriguing to me, that people who have made bad choices call her knowing full well where she stands on moral issues and repeatedly get the straight-up advice/slam, and leave the program thanking her for helping them see the situation anew. I think it is so funny, but the advice refreshingly true. Then there are the callers who are uniquely human in their courageous, selfless choices and their genuine care of others...they inspire me and reassure me that there are incredibly good people in the world. So yes, I like Dr. Laura - how 'bout you?

[Jaclyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I very much enjoyed this book! Yes, it dealt most with decisions that do not apply to me (children out of wedlock, living-in, bad relationships, etc). But it got me thinking about my own character, courage, and conscience. I found it empowering, a great support in looking at one's life and finding the courage and strength to stand for values in the face of an increasingly secularized society. It seems that good people who are trying their best to make good choices are increasingly cowering in the face of blatant and evasive evil, whether to avoid confrontation or recrimination. I came away with a greater commitment to my values and morals and to taking a stand for them with courage.

[JP · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's encouraging to see a shift in the perspective of pop psychology away from the anything-goes remnant of the 60's and toward personal integrity and right action. The focus of her "therapy" is on the "abdication of character, courage, and conscience." In all matters regarding children, Laura makes people focus on what would be best for a child or what example they want to role-model for their children. People should stay together for the children. Adulterers are losers. One should not do that which they would not want their children to do.

[Lili · Rating 2 out of 5]

I've only heard her show a couple of times, but this book is pretty much just like it--one call after another with a little narrative in between, but maybe without as much nastiness.

I appreciate the emphasis on protecting and caring for children and living an honorable life, not focusing on immediate gratification. But the book could have been a lot shorter. Highly repetitive.

[Patricia DeVerna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nothing much new if you've always done the right thing with advice that treats values as absolute rather than relative. Simple as that. But towards the end it helped transform fuzzy feelings into sensible principles by articulating clearly what goes on in some lives. A call back to good character.

[Amanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

Without a doubt, THE best book on self-esteem I have ever read (and I've read several). It talks about how you have to have some sort of honor system in order to feel good about yourself. It really nails people who try to find excuses for everything that they do. And it really teaches you how to have good self-esteem. Laura Schlessinger is fantastic. This book is a must for everyone.

[Lyndzi28 · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'll be honest. I don't like Dr. Laura. Never have. BUT this book was interesting in that reading about other people's problems and then the lengths they go to, to pass the blame or not help themselves is rather entertaining. I liked reading this book for the same reason people watch talk shows, lol.

[Carol Schultz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know Dr. Laura really blew it lateley but this is a really good book that cuts through all the excuses and rationalizing we and others use to justify bad behavior. She encourages us to a higher level of honor, integrity, and self-discipline in our daily living while helping us to recognize the b.s.

[Kathryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love Dr. Laura's values. But I do not like her attitude! I disagree that people should wait until their 30's to get married, be engaged for a year, and so on. I also disagree with the fact that you shouldn't listen to your feelings - the spirit is our guide and we FEEL it!!

[Debi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some people mess up and turn themselves around and make things right. Some people have no remorse and don't even get that they need to make things right. This book is hard-hitting, but much needed in this society of selfishness, irresponsibility, and "tolerance".

[Sandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Main thing I got out of it was to beware of: it feels good, do it. Do the right thing and if you have not, take responsibility for the consequences. A lot of: should I stay with the person or not, and what about the kids examples. But still sound advice for everyone.

[Marianne Brodman · Rating 2 out of 5]

My first Dr. Laura book. If you've already read her, I would imagine you either like or don't like & will or wont read. Of course, I think EVERYONE in America needs a sobering wake-up call to responsibility & consequences & if you don't then of course, you're part of the problem.

[Gina]

Dr. Laura points out 10 flaws that go against good character, conscience, and character. Again, she pulls out all the stops and tells it like it is. I love it!