Let's Pretend We're Normal: Adventures in Rediscovering How to Be a Family

by Tricia Lott Williford

“Oh, my word, I’m living this.”
 
Dear friend,
 
If you and I are new to each other, let me start   This is not how this was supposed to go!  In the portrait I had long ago painted of my family, I didn’t intend to include words like “widowed single mom.” I had envisioned many more decades with my husband Robb in the complicated, beautiful life of marriage. But in the course of twelve hours, our family of four became a trio, and since that day my boys and I have been creating a new life in an upside-down world.
 
I have written this new book, which in a lot of ways is a sequel to  And Life Comes Back,  to answer the question so many have “And then what happened—after the crisis became reality and your life began again?” I’ve leaned into honest storytelling to offer a look into the chaos and beauty of who we have become.
 
I’ll be honest, this book was harder to write because I’m living it right now—I hardly feel like an expert who has figured it out. I hope my straight-up-honest stories will give you encouragement to take the next step. And the next. And the next. 
 
Sometimes, you just have to pretend you know what you’re doing, pretend you’re brave enough, and pretend you can do this. Sometimes you just have to pretend you’re normal until the new normal finds you.
 
See you in the pages,
 
Tricia

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Self Help

224 pages, Paperback

First published May 5, 2015

Reviews

[Vanessa Enos · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you have ever read Tricia's previous book And Life Comes Back or her blog this will feel very familiar and comforting. As per the expectation she has set, we get a tender, intimate, honest peek into their tricycle world. It's a great reminder moments matter, people matter and life is survivable. Well done Tricia! I can't wait to read the next one and the next one.

[Maureen Alden · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was privileged to meet Tricia at a retreat and learn of her and her family's courageous story. Thank you for sharing the good and the hard times, with humility and thanksgiving for God's faithfulness, and with humor.

[Violet · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Mr Responsible died, suddenly and tragically. He was sick for only twelve hours. ... A thief named sepsis stole his breath and his heartbeat, and his spirit slipped right through Curly Girl’s fingers, even as she tried to save him on the floor of their bedroom only two days before Christmas.”

This grim scene from the Prologue is the background of Tricia Lott Williford’s memoir Let’s Pretend We’re Normal—Adventures in Rediscovering How to Be a Family. You’d expect the story of how Williford and her two young sons, Tucker and Tyler, get back on their feet to be a bummer. But it isn’t.

That’s because Williford is a great storyteller and fabulous writer. Though there are lots of sad times, she never melodramatizes them or milks them for sympathy. The only way we know she cries a lot is because her boys mention it in their conversations—of which she has wonderful recall.

In Let’s Pretend we see a mother trying to explain to two little daddy-less boys where God is in all this. We observe the three of them working through stages of grief. And Williford lives parenting before us in ways that I, if by some miracle I found myself parenting young children again, would want to copy.

There’s lots of humor too and scenes that any modern, busy, technology-blessed North American family can relate to. Plus there are stories that tug at the heart.

One of my favorites is of Williford buying a homeless man, Dave, a Happy Meal—and him coming back at her with encouragement from the Bible. Her conclusion:

“... I wondered if perhaps I had just had lunch with an angel sent on a mission” – Kindle Location 1180.

Another is the conversation she has with her boys one night after reading the story of God testing Abraham by asking him to sacrifice Isaac. Discussing their family’s test of losing husband/father, her older son asks:

“'But Mom, do you think God has an important job for you to do? And that’s why he asked you to give up my dad? ... Mommy, do you know God has picked you to write these books. He made you a writer to tell stories. And so maybe God had to know you would trust him no matter what” – Kindle Location 2275.'"

Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and friends will gain insight, compassion, and wisdom from Tricia Lott Williford’s faith-saturated story of grief and recovery.

I received Let’s Pretend We’re Normal as a gift from the publisher for the purpose of writing a review.

[Barb · Rating 4 out of 5]

Because I read Tricia Lott Williford's first book, And Life Comes Back, I was very interested in reading her second book, Let's Pretend We're Normal. The first book told the story of her sudden and unexpected plunge into widowhood and the daunting task she faced of raising two preschoolers alone. This new book is a sequel to that first roller coaster year. Although certainly still missing her husband daily, she is now able to function more normally, or at least to pretend to be more normal.

This honest, humorous book is filled with beautiful examples of God's grace. Tricia and her sons sometimes stumble, yet they manage to get back up to fight on. They battle to be a balanced, emotionally healthy family, despite the fact that they will always grieve the loss of the husband and dad. Some days they manage well, others are filled with tears and tantrums. Yet through it all, they love well, forgive quickly and laugh often.

Tricia is a gifted writer, giving us glimpses of her family life--abnormal though it may be. This book about the Williford family is a true story of hope after despair. It is also the bigger picture of the God's faithfulness and the way he redeems all things. I was blessed by reading it and I think you will be too.

Blogging for Books provided this book to me for free in exchange for my honest review.

[Mary Kenyon · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a year behind Tricia in widowhood. I was relieved to read how she struggles with the same things I do, sometimes feeling like a failure as a single parent. We both yearn to be loved again. Like Tricia, I have built a new life as a writer, speaker, and writing instructor since my husband's death. Reading her book, I knew we could sit across each other at a table at Starbucks and talk for hours over coffee. She would "get it." She would understand my "mom guilt" over leaving children for an event I feel led to, because she has felt the same. I admit to some envy, too, as I read about her house alarm system and a mother and brother who have actively become a support system for her. I yearn for that kind of "protection" and hands-on help. I imagine Tricia would have some of her own envy for the extra years I had with my husband, considering we had 34 years together before I lost him.
In the darkest of days as a widow I think of God's promise: "Father to the fatherless, defender of widows,is God in his holy dwelling."
This beautiful book helps remind me of that.

[Mariejkt · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Let's Pretend We're Normal" by Tricia Lott Williford is a powerful memoir on her life after the unexpected death of her husband. I was very impressed by how honest the author was with her feelings and what happened in her life after her husband's death. This book is very helpful to see how a young widow with two children feels and the issues that can come up from being a young widow. This would be a very comforting book for any young widow especially one with children to know that they are not alone. I am not a young widow but it helped me to understand the feelings that a woman in that situation could be feeling. I wanted to cry for her boys and how much she share of even their feelings of going with life after their dad died. It was very powerful when she said one of her boys wanted her to have a new husband so she would stop crying. This was a very powerful book and I highly recommend it.

I was given this book from Blogging for Books and was not required to give a positive review.

[Cynthia Gunnels · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book in a goodreads giveaway. What a wonderful story of how one woman after a horrible tragedy raises her sons alone. The range of emotions this book evokes is large. Everyone who is a parent can relate to the emotions this author had. No one knows if the way they are raising their children is the best way, you can only hope and pray that what you are doing will give your children the life skills that they need to become well adjusted and respectable adults. Great read for everyone!

[Francie · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sequel to And Life Comes Back. A wonderful & tear-jerking collage of short stories and compilations of blogs about life after Daddy died. Tricia is living this every day, raising 2 boys on her own. She struggles with post-traumatic stress disorder as it rears it's ugly head on occasion. Her boys have honest, deep questions about the fragility of life that she answers the best that she can.

Tricia writes honestly. She opens her world to us and lets us peek in on life after losing her husband suddenly with her boys asleep down the hallway. It's real and it's honest.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tricia writes candidly from the heart a season in the journey her family is on. It helped me see inside one family's struggle to move on after great loss & learn how to function as a single parent family. A good read even if you don't know her (which I don't).

[Tina · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this advanced copy from NetGalley.