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Find the Good: Unexpected Life Lessons from a Small-Town Obituary Writer
As the obituary writer in a spectacularly beautiful but often dangerous spit of land in Alaska, Heather Lende knows something about last words and lives well lived. Now she’s distilled what she’s learned about how to live a more exhilarating and meaningful life into three find the good. It’s that simple--and that hard.
Quirky and profound, individual and universal, Find the Good offers up short chapters that help us unlearn the habit--and it is a habit--of seeing only the negatives. Lende reminds us that we can choose to see any event--starting a new job or being laid off from an old one, getting married or getting divorced--as an opportunity to find the good. As she says, “We are all writing our own obituary every day by how we live. The best news is that there’s still time for additions and revisions before it goes to press.”
Ever since Algonquin published her first book, the New York Times bestseller If You Lived Here, I’d Know Your Name, Heather Lende has been praised for her storytelling talent and her plainspoken wisdom. The Los Angeles Times called her “part Annie Dillard, part Anne Lamott,” and that comparison has never been more apt as she gives us a fresh, positive perspective from which to view our relationships, our obligations, our priorities, our community, and our world.
An antidote to the cynicism and self-centeredness that we are bombarded with every day in the news, in our politics, and even at times in ourselves, Find the Good helps us rediscover what’s right with the world.
“Heather Lende’s small town is populated with big hearts--she finds them on the beach, walking her granddaughters, in the stories of ordinary peoples’ lives, and knits them into unforgettable tales. Find the Good is a treasure.” —Jo-Ann Mapson, author of Owen’s Daughter
“ Find the Good is excellent company in unsteady times . . . Heather Lende is the kind of person you want to sit across the kitchen table from on a rainy afternoon with a bottomless cup of tea. When things go wrong, when things go right, her quiet, commonsense wisdom, self-examining frankness, and good-natured humor offer a chance to reset, renew, rebalance.” —Pam Houston, author of Contents May Have Shifted
“With gentle humor and empathy [Lende] introduces a number of people who provide examples of how to live well . . . [ Find the Good ] is simple yet profound.” — Booklist
“In this cynical world, Find the Good is a tonic, a literary wellspring, which will continue to run, and nurture, even in times of drought. What a brave and beautiful thing Heather Lende has made with this book.” —John Straley, Shamus Award winner and former writer laureate of Alaska
“Heather Lende is a terrific writer and terrific intimate, authentic, and as quirky as any of her subjects.” —Marilyn Johnson, author of The Dead Beat
Quirky and profound, individual and universal, Find the Good offers up short chapters that help us unlearn the habit--and it is a habit--of seeing only the negatives. Lende reminds us that we can choose to see any event--starting a new job or being laid off from an old one, getting married or getting divorced--as an opportunity to find the good. As she says, “We are all writing our own obituary every day by how we live. The best news is that there’s still time for additions and revisions before it goes to press.”
Ever since Algonquin published her first book, the New York Times bestseller If You Lived Here, I’d Know Your Name, Heather Lende has been praised for her storytelling talent and her plainspoken wisdom. The Los Angeles Times called her “part Annie Dillard, part Anne Lamott,” and that comparison has never been more apt as she gives us a fresh, positive perspective from which to view our relationships, our obligations, our priorities, our community, and our world.
An antidote to the cynicism and self-centeredness that we are bombarded with every day in the news, in our politics, and even at times in ourselves, Find the Good helps us rediscover what’s right with the world.
“Heather Lende’s small town is populated with big hearts--she finds them on the beach, walking her granddaughters, in the stories of ordinary peoples’ lives, and knits them into unforgettable tales. Find the Good is a treasure.” —Jo-Ann Mapson, author of Owen’s Daughter
“ Find the Good is excellent company in unsteady times . . . Heather Lende is the kind of person you want to sit across the kitchen table from on a rainy afternoon with a bottomless cup of tea. When things go wrong, when things go right, her quiet, commonsense wisdom, self-examining frankness, and good-natured humor offer a chance to reset, renew, rebalance.” —Pam Houston, author of Contents May Have Shifted
“With gentle humor and empathy [Lende] introduces a number of people who provide examples of how to live well . . . [ Find the Good ] is simple yet profound.” — Booklist
“In this cynical world, Find the Good is a tonic, a literary wellspring, which will continue to run, and nurture, even in times of drought. What a brave and beautiful thing Heather Lende has made with this book.” —John Straley, Shamus Award winner and former writer laureate of Alaska
“Heather Lende is a terrific writer and terrific intimate, authentic, and as quirky as any of her subjects.” —Marilyn Johnson, author of The Dead Beat
176 pages, Hardcover
First published April 28, 2015
512 people are currently reading
6152 people want to read
About the author
Heather Lende
4 books286 followersHeather Lende and her husband Chip have five adult children and nine grandchildren. Heather is a hospice, library and radio station volunteer and served on the Haines Borough Assembly. She is the 2021-2023 Alaska State Writer Laureate, a former contributing editor at Woman's Day and a former columnist for the Anchorage Daily News. Her essays and commentary have been widely distributed. She has written over 400 obituaries for the Chilkat Valley News in Haines, AK and is the author of Of Ballots and Bears (2020) Find the Good (2015), Take Good Care of the Garden and the Dogs (2010), and NY Times bestseller, If You Lived Here, I'd Know Your Name (2005), all from Algonquin Books. She is happy to Zoom with book clubs. Heather is also the recipient of a Middlebury College alumni award and the Alaska Governor's Award for the Arts & Humanities. She has an MFA from the University of Alaska Anchorage. Everything else you'd ever want to know about her is in her books or on her website.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 846 reviews
April 22, 2018
In Find the Good, I return to Haines, Alaska for a third time. I have previously read Heather Allende's other two books and I have enjoyed her down to earth style very much. Lende is an obituary writer for the Chillkat Valley News and has lived in the town of Haines for the majority of her adult life. She and her husband Chip have five grown children and five grandchildren at the time of the publication of this book, and, as much as I note that I detest winter, Lende's writing makes me want to move to Haines myself. When I found out that Lende had a third book, I jumped at the opportunity to read it.
Find the Good is a brief book of essays in finding the good in every person and situation. It was a short yet uplifting novella. As in her other two books, readers are introduced to the quirky cast of characters that populate the 2,000 sleepy yet vibrant town of Haines. Unlike Lende's other two full length books, this installment was meant to be a talking on finding the positive in every life situation and it eventually grew to be a novella. Two episodes stand out for me. One is that as one's station in life changes, a person learns to adapt. Lende's beach front house is currently full of young grandchildren. When she finds sticky prints on the window sill or milk on the carpet, she lets it be because life is too short to dwell on each minute thing. I appreciated this as it is something I am constantly working on myself.
The above episode stems from the time when Lende found out that her youngest daughter was pregnant yet unmarried. Her initial thought was to tell her daughter to get married immediately, yet, eventually she thought through the event and realized the positive in the situation; she had just purchased a cottage on her property and was going to fix it up as a guest house anyway. Her daughter, boyfriend, and new family could live there until they became financially stable. And the Lendes could enjoy their new granddaughter. This all came after she admittedly wanted to lash out at her daughter that she should finish college first and then get married and start a family second; the baby ended up being a blessing for all.
Lende also introduces her readers to Clyde, a westerner turned Alaskan who owned a general store, enjoyed country music, and shot the breeze with everyone he could speak with. Clyde once asked Lende if she would remember him if she saw him in heaven. She said yes yet wondered what made him stand out besides his genuine warmth at striking up a conversation with everyone he saw in passing. She got the answer at his funeral when most of Haines showed up and mourners sang country songs instead of hymns. The service ended up being a testament to this longtime Haines resident who indeed found the good in every situation thrown in his direction.
At present Heather Lende does not have a fourth book in the works which is a shame because I would pick it up upon publication. In a genuine down to earth style writing about what seems to be an unlimited amount of stories in quirky Haines, Alaska, Lende is not without writing material. I may have to turn to her NPR appearances because I have grown to enjoy all of her content and now have read all of her books. Until that other book is written, I will have to find other means to travel to Haines.
4 stars
Find the Good is a brief book of essays in finding the good in every person and situation. It was a short yet uplifting novella. As in her other two books, readers are introduced to the quirky cast of characters that populate the 2,000 sleepy yet vibrant town of Haines. Unlike Lende's other two full length books, this installment was meant to be a talking on finding the positive in every life situation and it eventually grew to be a novella. Two episodes stand out for me. One is that as one's station in life changes, a person learns to adapt. Lende's beach front house is currently full of young grandchildren. When she finds sticky prints on the window sill or milk on the carpet, she lets it be because life is too short to dwell on each minute thing. I appreciated this as it is something I am constantly working on myself.
The above episode stems from the time when Lende found out that her youngest daughter was pregnant yet unmarried. Her initial thought was to tell her daughter to get married immediately, yet, eventually she thought through the event and realized the positive in the situation; she had just purchased a cottage on her property and was going to fix it up as a guest house anyway. Her daughter, boyfriend, and new family could live there until they became financially stable. And the Lendes could enjoy their new granddaughter. This all came after she admittedly wanted to lash out at her daughter that she should finish college first and then get married and start a family second; the baby ended up being a blessing for all.
Lende also introduces her readers to Clyde, a westerner turned Alaskan who owned a general store, enjoyed country music, and shot the breeze with everyone he could speak with. Clyde once asked Lende if she would remember him if she saw him in heaven. She said yes yet wondered what made him stand out besides his genuine warmth at striking up a conversation with everyone he saw in passing. She got the answer at his funeral when most of Haines showed up and mourners sang country songs instead of hymns. The service ended up being a testament to this longtime Haines resident who indeed found the good in every situation thrown in his direction.
At present Heather Lende does not have a fourth book in the works which is a shame because I would pick it up upon publication. In a genuine down to earth style writing about what seems to be an unlimited amount of stories in quirky Haines, Alaska, Lende is not without writing material. I may have to turn to her NPR appearances because I have grown to enjoy all of her content and now have read all of her books. Until that other book is written, I will have to find other means to travel to Haines.
4 stars
April 19, 2019
Thanks to my friend Victoria who recommended this book to me. I found it delightful, heartwarming, and upbeat.
The author sounds like someone I would love to have for a friend and she makes living in a small town in Alaska sound delightful. She writes about the wisdom gained from the lives of those who have passed on before us, both human and animal.
I found some essays funny, and others so poignant I had a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. Reading these essays is an excellent reminder of the things we know but often have difficulty putting into practice. The essay on losing a mother were words I particularly needed to hear.
Her essays really do highlight finding the good wherever you go, and who doesn't need more of that in our lives? I highly recommend this slim volume. The audio is narrated by the author and at less than 3 hours, easily finished on a couple of long walks.
The author sounds like someone I would love to have for a friend and she makes living in a small town in Alaska sound delightful. She writes about the wisdom gained from the lives of those who have passed on before us, both human and animal.
I found some essays funny, and others so poignant I had a lump in my throat and a tear in my eye. Reading these essays is an excellent reminder of the things we know but often have difficulty putting into practice. The essay on losing a mother were words I particularly needed to hear.
Her essays really do highlight finding the good wherever you go, and who doesn't need more of that in our lives? I highly recommend this slim volume. The audio is narrated by the author and at less than 3 hours, easily finished on a couple of long walks.
May 5, 2019
Live lives worth writing about.
I read this book in one sitting. I then immediately re-read this book over a week so that I could spend more time with this author and the people in her town. I smiled, I teared up and I was inspired.
In touching and insightful essays, Lende shares her common-sense philosophy for happiness based on years as a small town’s obituary writer, so she knows something about ‘last words and good lives’:
Writing obituaries is my way of transcending bad news. It has taught me the value of intentionally trying to find the good in people and situations, and that practice--and I do believe that finding the good can be practiced--has made my life more meaningful.
If you loved Kelly Corrigan’s Tell Me More, then I think you might just want to spend some time with this author as well. Her essays have the same reflective quality and authentic spirt.
Find the good, praise the good and do good, because you are still able to and because what moves your heart will remain long after you are gone and turn up in the most unexpected places…
In other words, stop being negative, string a few nice words together when you can and, most of all, know that your actions speak loudest.
And just adding one more passage that I feel will resonate with women and I keep thinking about it: Here’s what writing a lot of obituaries of older women, with the help of younger women who were their caregivers (by birth, marriage or friendship), has taught me: True love is above all reliable. So we do the best we can to follow through, and that sometimes, maybe often, especially with our elderly mothers or mothers-in-law (if we are lucky enough to have family elders), we get a little frazzled and cross and want to scream; but we still wait in a doctor’s office or drive to a hair appointment or play cards all afternoon or drink sweetened tea when we prefer it plain and we may think bad thoughts once in a while. And that is okay. Better than okay. The wisest women both here and gone have known--and demonstrated--that our actions speak loudest when it comes to love. They also know we will never regret spending this time, regardless of how we feel about it sometimes, because mothers were once daughters and that’s the way life is meant to roll.
I read this book in one sitting. I then immediately re-read this book over a week so that I could spend more time with this author and the people in her town. I smiled, I teared up and I was inspired.
In touching and insightful essays, Lende shares her common-sense philosophy for happiness based on years as a small town’s obituary writer, so she knows something about ‘last words and good lives’:
Writing obituaries is my way of transcending bad news. It has taught me the value of intentionally trying to find the good in people and situations, and that practice--and I do believe that finding the good can be practiced--has made my life more meaningful.
If you loved Kelly Corrigan’s Tell Me More, then I think you might just want to spend some time with this author as well. Her essays have the same reflective quality and authentic spirt.
Find the good, praise the good and do good, because you are still able to and because what moves your heart will remain long after you are gone and turn up in the most unexpected places…
In other words, stop being negative, string a few nice words together when you can and, most of all, know that your actions speak loudest.
And just adding one more passage that I feel will resonate with women and I keep thinking about it: Here’s what writing a lot of obituaries of older women, with the help of younger women who were their caregivers (by birth, marriage or friendship), has taught me: True love is above all reliable. So we do the best we can to follow through, and that sometimes, maybe often, especially with our elderly mothers or mothers-in-law (if we are lucky enough to have family elders), we get a little frazzled and cross and want to scream; but we still wait in a doctor’s office or drive to a hair appointment or play cards all afternoon or drink sweetened tea when we prefer it plain and we may think bad thoughts once in a while. And that is okay. Better than okay. The wisest women both here and gone have known--and demonstrated--that our actions speak loudest when it comes to love. They also know we will never regret spending this time, regardless of how we feel about it sometimes, because mothers were once daughters and that’s the way life is meant to roll.
July 2, 2019
3.5 stars
Find the Good was a quirky feel good short audiobook. The author lives in a small town in Alaska, where she is the obituary writer for the local paper. The book is a mishmash of anecdotes about the author’s life and the lives of some of the people for whom she has written obituaries. She writes with empathy, humour and a few not too preachy life lessons. Nothing earth shattering, I got teary a few times and I laughed a but too. That’s good enough to make it worthwhile for me.
Find the Good was a quirky feel good short audiobook. The author lives in a small town in Alaska, where she is the obituary writer for the local paper. The book is a mishmash of anecdotes about the author’s life and the lives of some of the people for whom she has written obituaries. She writes with empathy, humour and a few not too preachy life lessons. Nothing earth shattering, I got teary a few times and I laughed a but too. That’s good enough to make it worthwhile for me.
April 3, 2015
Small town Alaskan obituary writer recounts her adventures writing about people she knew, didn’t know, like didn’t like and the flaws in every person. My favorite message was that the world is full of happiness, if only you are willing to take it as it is. She encounters all kinds of interesting characters in her little town. She struggles with some to find the good, but focusing of the good has made her a better person, happier, more centered in the world. her encounter Betty a small odd little kitten that grew permanently into her families heart was wonderful and beautiful.
She says at one point that her whole life seems “non intuitive”. Finding the good certainly isn’t. Love the ones who matter, the ones who love you and love them back. Don’t grow old and become a fearful person, hiding from life and the adventures all around you. That was what I got out of it that touched me. It is so easy to close the door and turn on the TV, safe easy and lifeless. There is a chapter on losing a mother that was lured with my tears.
It is not anything like I expected. This is a small book, written by a small town woman with a huge job. It is sometimes slow the stories can seem small town at times but they are so sweet. I slowed down my pace, I relaxed and just listened to her simple words wrap mourned the heart of all her people. This book is like sweet ice tea on a humid summer day.
She says at one point that her whole life seems “non intuitive”. Finding the good certainly isn’t. Love the ones who matter, the ones who love you and love them back. Don’t grow old and become a fearful person, hiding from life and the adventures all around you. That was what I got out of it that touched me. It is so easy to close the door and turn on the TV, safe easy and lifeless. There is a chapter on losing a mother that was lured with my tears.
It is not anything like I expected. This is a small book, written by a small town woman with a huge job. It is sometimes slow the stories can seem small town at times but they are so sweet. I slowed down my pace, I relaxed and just listened to her simple words wrap mourned the heart of all her people. This book is like sweet ice tea on a humid summer day.
August 24, 2019
The small town of Haines, Alaska, comes alive in Lende’s book of warm hearted essays informed and inspired by her job as obituary writer for the local newspaper.
March 1, 2018
I really enjoyed this! Check out my full review on my booktube channel at http://Youtube.com/peterlikesbooks
October 21, 2019
Thoughtful and sensible musings that evolve from contemplating the ebb and flow in a small town. Constructed more as a book of short and entertaining essays to remind us what is good and special about our “one wild and precious life”. I’m glad I read this calming palate cleanser after my last heavy read.
June 24, 2016
I thought this short audio book, read by the author, would be a good palate cleanser between heavier, longer stories. It was short. As far as palate cleaning, yes it worked for that because it left almost no taste.
This nonfiction book about a small-town obituary writer could have been fascinating. I expected interesting stories about the people she met, the obituaries she wrote. And there was some of that. But the beginning of the book seemed too preachy to me, too self-satisfied.
I was disappointed that the author chose to buy a puppy rather than rescuing a dog, because she didn't want a dog that had learned bad habits from other people. And she had the dog shipped to her, apparently never seeing where it came from, what sort of conditions it was raised in, what condition the parents were. But the whole puppy thing didn't have much to do with the story.
Which was part of the problem. This short book felt disjointed, smug, and a little too stream-of-consciousness. The author's reading was a little too excitable. I could hear too many exclamation marks.
Perhaps others will find merit I didn't, but for me, this was a book I didn't enjoy and was pleased it was short.
This nonfiction book about a small-town obituary writer could have been fascinating. I expected interesting stories about the people she met, the obituaries she wrote. And there was some of that. But the beginning of the book seemed too preachy to me, too self-satisfied.
I was disappointed that the author chose to buy a puppy rather than rescuing a dog, because she didn't want a dog that had learned bad habits from other people. And she had the dog shipped to her, apparently never seeing where it came from, what sort of conditions it was raised in, what condition the parents were. But the whole puppy thing didn't have much to do with the story.
Which was part of the problem. This short book felt disjointed, smug, and a little too stream-of-consciousness. The author's reading was a little too excitable. I could hear too many exclamation marks.
Perhaps others will find merit I didn't, but for me, this was a book I didn't enjoy and was pleased it was short.
July 26, 2016
A charming, simple little book filled with experiences and insights from an obituary writer in Alaska. While not perfect and rather disjointed, still, it was gratifying to hear someone consistently return to gratitude and finding what is good in people and situations. For me it was a nice reminder of what truly matters and I found her reflections and honesty refreshing. I ranked higher on this because I guess it filled a nice spot in my day. It was fun hearing the audio.
November 28, 2015
Interesting idea but not very well executed. Lessons learned are predictable and not well supported by interesting stories.
November 16, 2017
Loved it. There are great humans in the most unsuspecting places living lives that will never get publicized, yet they are beautiful. There's also something about saying the best that can be said about someone and honoring the simply honorable life ... finding the good. Makes life great.
March 14, 2019
Comforting. The story about one's mother's death is close to the bone at this moment. Mom and I are winding down the road to our parting now.
I'm not sure who Heather wrote this for. I can see where it isn't for everybody, but it's just fine for me. "Keep your luggage off Mom." Not a sentence you're likely to hear about your dead relative, but you can read it here.
I don't know what it is about Haines, but I personally know 3 former residents, none of them related or co-housing, because I live near them on Whidbey Island in Washington. Guess I'll take a trip there one of these days to see for myself why my friends love it so. We aren't 'mainstream' folks, so I'll be ok there.
I, too, am learning to look for the good. Some days it's easier, some folks make it harder.
"Life's not fair."
Could I add, "Does it matter?"
I'm not sure who Heather wrote this for. I can see where it isn't for everybody, but it's just fine for me. "Keep your luggage off Mom." Not a sentence you're likely to hear about your dead relative, but you can read it here.
I don't know what it is about Haines, but I personally know 3 former residents, none of them related or co-housing, because I live near them on Whidbey Island in Washington. Guess I'll take a trip there one of these days to see for myself why my friends love it so. We aren't 'mainstream' folks, so I'll be ok there.
I, too, am learning to look for the good. Some days it's easier, some folks make it harder.
"Life's not fair."
Could I add, "Does it matter?"
November 20, 2016
I have lived in Alaska for 47 years. I practice Buddhism, in my own fashion. I am a grandmother. It is through those primary filters I respond to Linde's book. She loves her home and the abundant nature surrounding her; she shares her experiences on the path to awareness and equanimity; and she delights in the pleasures of sharing her life with young humans (and other creatures, including dogs). Linde's writing is evocative and brings the "thingness" of objects and sensations close to the reader. Recommended.
May 15, 2017
The "life lessons" were not terribly insightful. Would have been interesting if the author related her findings more closely to her work as an obit writer but she wasn't quite able to pull this off. She instead focused on her own life and family versus the experiences of those for whom she wrote obits. Boring. Wouldn't recommend.
July 10, 2015
I really enjoyed that the author is an obituary writer (who lives in tiny Haines, Alaska!) talking about this subject. An interesting and unusual perspective. Here are a few of my favorite lines: "If I were to die tomorrow, would my grandchildren recall anything I've shown them about love and happiness?...I wonder if somewhere inside...there's an imprint of what I wish for them that will endure?...Looking for the good may be part nature, but it can be nurtured...Find the good, praise the good, and do good, because you are still able to and because what moves your heart will remain long after you are gone and tun up in the most unexpected places..."
May 19, 2017
Interesting premise for a low-key read, but it missed the mark. I was disappointed I didn't connect with any of the stories, other than mildly enjoying them in the moment. No 'aha' moments, no ideas to consider, nothing deeply moving.
November 25, 2024
Lende is a journalist in isolated Haines, Alaska (population: 2,000). There’s a plucky motivational bent to these mini-essays about small-town life and death. In writing obituaries for normal, flawed people, she is reminded of what matters most: family (she’s a mother of five, one adopted, and a grandmother; she includes beloved pets in this category) and vocation. The title phrase is the motto she lives by. “I believe gratitude comes from a place in your soul that knows the story could have ended differently, and often does, and I also know that gratitude is at the heart of finding the good in this world—especially in our relationships with the ones we love.” The anecdotes and morals are sweet if not groundbreaking. The pocket-sized hardback might appeal to readers of Anne Lamott and Elizabeth Strout.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
Originally published on my blog, Bookish Beck.
October 12, 2023
Now I want to be an obituary writer.
April 28, 2017
Relyn Rating: 4. 5stars
This book wasn't what I expected. I thought I would get more about obituary writing (intersting and unusual choice, right?) and less about living well. This thought was probably because I didn't read any reviews first. Ha. I'm glad I was wrong.
I loved the glimpses at life in Alaska. In so many ways their lives are very different from those of us "down south", but in all important ways, we're all the same. Anyway... the setting and the town itself was wonderful. Lende writes about people with such affection that her town of Haines felt a bit like a visit to Stars Hollow.
Though I am still a bit curious about being an obituary writer for a living, I'm so glad to have spent a few hours learning more about living well from someone who spends quite a bit of time among those whose loved ones can no longer live at all. I was reminded once again about what matters most to those we will some day leave behind.
Another part of the book I really appreciated were the, perhaps unintentional, lessons about how to serve and love the bereaved. Mostly, just let them talk about the one they lost; let them talk and cry and don't think of your own comfort. Pass notes under a door if you must, but put the other person first. That's really the way to serve anyone, bereaved or not. Isn't it?
This book wasn't what I expected. I thought I would get more about obituary writing (intersting and unusual choice, right?) and less about living well. This thought was probably because I didn't read any reviews first. Ha. I'm glad I was wrong.
I loved the glimpses at life in Alaska. In so many ways their lives are very different from those of us "down south", but in all important ways, we're all the same. Anyway... the setting and the town itself was wonderful. Lende writes about people with such affection that her town of Haines felt a bit like a visit to Stars Hollow.
Though I am still a bit curious about being an obituary writer for a living, I'm so glad to have spent a few hours learning more about living well from someone who spends quite a bit of time among those whose loved ones can no longer live at all. I was reminded once again about what matters most to those we will some day leave behind.
Another part of the book I really appreciated were the, perhaps unintentional, lessons about how to serve and love the bereaved. Mostly, just let them talk about the one they lost; let them talk and cry and don't think of your own comfort. Pass notes under a door if you must, but put the other person first. That's really the way to serve anyone, bereaved or not. Isn't it?
August 16, 2016
What a lovely read this was. I thoroughly enjoyed her conversational way of writing, reflecting on the sad events in her town with her positive outlook. I definitely needed to read this right now-- it helped me reflect on the things in my own life where I should be finding the good instead of falling deeper into a hole of depression. The care and details she puts into each of her obituaries is inspiring, and I think this is because she does know each person she writes about. Each person has touched her life in some way. This is a good book to read when you need a lift, a laugh, a moment to reflect on your life and how you react to/interact with others and how you process things in your life.
May 11, 2020
There is nothing particularly remarkable about Heather's stories/essays - but I think that's what I like about it. It's about living life, paying attention, being there for others and not taking anything for granted. Also, that we all have stories. We should be telling them and writing them down. They may not be published, but they need to be read/heard.
This was heartfelt, nostalgic, and feel-good.
This was heartfelt, nostalgic, and feel-good.
October 31, 2015
This book came to me at exactly THE RIGHT time. It's the perfect balm and antidote to someone who has recently lost a dear friend, but also the perfect book for anyone looking to find the meaning of life, the joy in small moments, the pleasure of a life well lived. I think I'm going to buy this for everyone on my Christmas list.
July 3, 2023
Surprisingly refreshing and somehow an easy read despite the heaviness.
“I believe gratitude comes from a place in your soul that knows the story could have ended differently, and often does, and I also know that gratitude is at the heart of finding the good in this world--especially in our relationships with the ones we love.”
“You don’t have to sing in a choir to see that a group of committed people who care about something that makes life a little brighter, and work hard at it, can accomplish more together than alone, but it helps.”
“People don’t gather after a death to mourn, but rather to reaffirm why life matters and to remember to exult in the only one we’ll ever have. We hold funerals, memorials, celebrations—whatever you want to call them—to seek and to find the heart of the matter of this trip we call Life.”
“Campfires and birthday candles don't burn forever”
“I believe gratitude comes from a place in your soul that knows the story could have ended differently, and often does, and I also know that gratitude is at the heart of finding the good in this world--especially in our relationships with the ones we love.”
“You don’t have to sing in a choir to see that a group of committed people who care about something that makes life a little brighter, and work hard at it, can accomplish more together than alone, but it helps.”
“People don’t gather after a death to mourn, but rather to reaffirm why life matters and to remember to exult in the only one we’ll ever have. We hold funerals, memorials, celebrations—whatever you want to call them—to seek and to find the heart of the matter of this trip we call Life.”
“Campfires and birthday candles don't burn forever”
September 21, 2021
One of the loveliest books I have ever read…I cried, I smiled, I admired Heather Lende’s writing style and then I probably cried some more. A beautiful and life-affirming book.
March 18, 2021
This is a book that makes you think about your own existence, the mark you’ll leave on this world and just appreciate life. Light easy read that would make a a great devotional book to read a section and ponder throughout the day.
February 16, 2021
This book is a collection of stories that gives us a peek inside the hearts of the author, her family, and her small Alaskan town. Although her thoughts are slightly scattered, I find that her particular writing style comes across as even more genuine and relatable.
Her unique perspective as an obituary writer offers many lessons on how to “see the good” in others, value the life we are given, and honor the ones that are no longer with us! The stories she shares are sure to make you wonder what kind of footprint you’ll leave in your community once your time is up. These lessons (some more predictable than others) are great reminders on how we can cherish our time with loved ones a little better! Lende was very open about the challenges that come with being the local obituary writer, which was super interesting to me!
I would recommend this to anyone who is looking for a different take on a feel-good book! It made me smile every time I picked it up- I just didn’t feel the urge to read the whole thing in one sitting.
Her unique perspective as an obituary writer offers many lessons on how to “see the good” in others, value the life we are given, and honor the ones that are no longer with us! The stories she shares are sure to make you wonder what kind of footprint you’ll leave in your community once your time is up. These lessons (some more predictable than others) are great reminders on how we can cherish our time with loved ones a little better! Lende was very open about the challenges that come with being the local obituary writer, which was super interesting to me!
I would recommend this to anyone who is looking for a different take on a feel-good book! It made me smile every time I picked it up- I just didn’t feel the urge to read the whole thing in one sitting.
March 17, 2016
I read Heather Lende’s previous book, Take Good Care of the Garden and the Dogs, in the summer of 2012. I was thrilled to see her new book on the shelving cart at work and quickly snatched up a copy for a quick peek. I wish I could say I loved it as well as her previous book, but this one fell flat and left me wishing for something a bit more substantial. I love essays and thought this collection might be similar to Cheryl Strayed’s Tiny Beautiful Things, but alas not. I didn’t even find any passages to mark and share. However, I haven’t given up on Lende and still plan to read If You Lived Here, I’d Know Your Name.
Final Thoughts:
Start with Lende's earlier books and then grab a copy of this one from your library.
Final Thoughts:
Start with Lende's earlier books and then grab a copy of this one from your library.
June 25, 2016
I was hoping for a little better from this book, it was a little rambly, and I wanted a tighter narrative --- "lessons learned" type thing. However, there were some good stories about some interesting characters.
Edited to add: I did want to include a great quote from this book: "Living in a tight-knit community is a spiritual boot camp." She illustrated this by showing relationships between people that needed to function despite differing political standpoints, religious views, and other differences. We see this in our church communities here too. You need to work with and serve next to people that are very different than you are. It takes some spiritual maturity to make that happen day after day, week after week.
Edited to add: I did want to include a great quote from this book: "Living in a tight-knit community is a spiritual boot camp." She illustrated this by showing relationships between people that needed to function despite differing political standpoints, religious views, and other differences. We see this in our church communities here too. You need to work with and serve next to people that are very different than you are. It takes some spiritual maturity to make that happen day after day, week after week.
June 29, 2019
Applying the author's advice about finding the good to this book, the idea behind the title is good. The title comes from a good place. However, I was disappointed by this book and found the blurb misleading. What I expected was deep and insightful (but still hopeful) observations about death and dying and what the living can learn from them, but instead I got a flimsy memoir with some references to those people she writes obituaries for. I hope she writes more moving obituaries, because this was pretty weak.
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