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What to Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed: A Practical, Compassionate, and Helpful Guide
A clinical psychologist and expert on depression updates the book that has helped thousands with its combination of professional advice and comfort
There are few circumstances in life as hard and at the same time as important as being a friend to a person who is suffering from depression. What to Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed offers guidance to the friends and family of a depressed person on how to keep one's own spirits up and at the same time do what is best to help a loved one get through a difficult time. Among the many subjects addressed are
• the warning signs of serious illness
• how to maintain intimacy and communication
• the most successful forms of treatment
• what to do when someone threatens suicide
This updated edition addresses readers' questions and provides new and expanded information on
• how to choose the right psychiatrist
• the role and limits of medication
• resistant depression
• the link between depression and chronic illness
• specific challenging situations and advice on handling them
There are few circumstances in life as hard and at the same time as important as being a friend to a person who is suffering from depression. What to Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed offers guidance to the friends and family of a depressed person on how to keep one's own spirits up and at the same time do what is best to help a loved one get through a difficult time. Among the many subjects addressed are
• the warning signs of serious illness
• how to maintain intimacy and communication
• the most successful forms of treatment
• what to do when someone threatens suicide
This updated edition addresses readers' questions and provides new and expanded information on
• how to choose the right psychiatrist
• the role and limits of medication
• resistant depression
• the link between depression and chronic illness
• specific challenging situations and advice on handling them
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1997
37 people are currently reading
175 people want to read
About the author
Susan K. Golant
32 books1 followerI have been writing nonfiction books alone and with others since 1982 and have more than 40 books to my credit. I am a book collaborator, co-author, book doctor, ghostwriter, editor, and/or writing coach. My specialties: psychology, health and medical breakthroughs, diet, women’s advancement, business, spirituality, and parenting. Most are self-help books written with an eye toward improving society.
My love of writing has spawned a career rich in experience and learning including, most recently, The 30-Day Heart Tune-Up: A Breakthrough Medical Plan to Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease(Center Street, 2014) with Steven Masley, MD; Within Our Reach: Ending the Mental Health Crisis, my third book collaboration with former First Lady Rosalynn Carter; the award-winning Alzheimer’s Project: Momentum in Science, based on the acclaimed HBO documentary series; and Ten Years Younger, a diet, exercise, and lifestyle book. I help new and seasoned authors develop book proposals and sell their books. Publishers and agents call me to salvage books that are in trouble. I am a coach and cheerleader for others’ careers. I have taught at UCLA’s Writers’ Program for nearly 20 years and have become what some partners call a literary midwife – helping authors give birth to their books.
My love of writing has spawned a career rich in experience and learning including, most recently, The 30-Day Heart Tune-Up: A Breakthrough Medical Plan to Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease(Center Street, 2014) with Steven Masley, MD; Within Our Reach: Ending the Mental Health Crisis, my third book collaboration with former First Lady Rosalynn Carter; the award-winning Alzheimer’s Project: Momentum in Science, based on the acclaimed HBO documentary series; and Ten Years Younger, a diet, exercise, and lifestyle book. I help new and seasoned authors develop book proposals and sell their books. Publishers and agents call me to salvage books that are in trouble. I am a coach and cheerleader for others’ careers. I have taught at UCLA’s Writers’ Program for nearly 20 years and have become what some partners call a literary midwife – helping authors give birth to their books.
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
September 6, 2007
I bought this book for my parents to help them understand my depression and gather some better methods for supporting me. It is really helpful, as it is very informational about all facets of the disorder: what a depressed person experiences, different types of depression, medication, etc. But it's also relatively informal which is important when someone who's reading it doesn't know a lot about the disorder.
One really important important thing about this book is that it gives insight into what a depressed person is thinking and feeling; both about the depression and when depressed. It could go a little bit more indepth in some areas, but all and all it is a fabulous place to start. In one section of this book it actually gives a list of "depressed people's sayings" and the list of responses NOT to give and alternative, better responses. This is really a helpful list, since this is one of the problems that I used to come across during an episode. But it's great because it serves the big purpose of showing people how flaws in their responses sound to those depressed.
This book as been read by my family as well as by my aunt who has been struggling dealing with my uncles depression - it has helped a lot of us get through some pretty tough moments!
One really important important thing about this book is that it gives insight into what a depressed person is thinking and feeling; both about the depression and when depressed. It could go a little bit more indepth in some areas, but all and all it is a fabulous place to start. In one section of this book it actually gives a list of "depressed people's sayings" and the list of responses NOT to give and alternative, better responses. This is really a helpful list, since this is one of the problems that I used to come across during an episode. But it's great because it serves the big purpose of showing people how flaws in their responses sound to those depressed.
This book as been read by my family as well as by my aunt who has been struggling dealing with my uncles depression - it has helped a lot of us get through some pretty tough moments!
January 11, 2013
3.5/5
What To Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed by Mitch Golant is a very practical guide to understanding depression and gives the caregiver insight into the mind of someone suffering from a mood disorder. I found the book to offer up some excellent advice, it is not one I plan to buy, but I am definitely glad I read it and would suggest What To DO When Someone You Love Is Depressed to others who live with someone suffering from depression.
What To Do When Someone You Love Is Depressed by Mitch Golant is a very practical guide to understanding depression and gives the caregiver insight into the mind of someone suffering from a mood disorder. I found the book to offer up some excellent advice, it is not one I plan to buy, but I am definitely glad I read it and would suggest What To DO When Someone You Love Is Depressed to others who live with someone suffering from depression.
February 7, 2016
Very thorough in all aspects of treatment and solutions. Not so much new information compared to what I've read previously but a good review and helpful to refocus, which I feel would be beneficial during a harder time.
June 14, 2010
Not sure how to rate an informative book- it was interesting and a wealth of information was gleaned from it.
July 4, 2013
I found this book most simple and helpful. Clear examples of what to do and say.
June 18, 2019
This was a tough one, not because of length or jargon, but because the subject itself is difficult. I began reading this book to learn about the depression my loved one suffers from: How do I recognize when the depression is speaking? What can I do and what should I do to maximize my help and minimize her distress? How do I protect myself when painful accusations are cast?
I found the answers to all of my questions. Working through depression is a grueling effort for everyone involved. The episode will pass with time but while it’s present each tick of the second hand can seem to last an hour. Losing patience is possible but benefits no one. Fortunately, others have been down this dark path before and have come out of the woods on the far side with brightness and perspective awaiting them. (The author uses his personal experiences with his mother as one such example.) Stay optimistic; there is hope!
I was highly sensitive to everything my loved one was telling me and began to assume blame for issues that weren’t always my fault. Not having control over these issues led to a great amount of distress and hopelessness because I had no way of fixing them. Often these issues had already been dealt with in the past and digging them up in the present provided no opportunity to defend against. Also, arguing about them or casting blame would not have been productive. Learning how to be a strengthened ally allowed me to give my loved one the support she needed and provided me the tools of perspective to protect myself. I felt much better about how I could handle things and also not make her feel worse. Nobody (nobody!) can pull anyone else out of depression—time, psychotherapy, and often medicine are needed. But there is a day when the clouds lift and your loved one is able to be herself again and she will be infinitely grateful for the support and love you’ve given and that makes the long days and weeks seem not so bad.
Finally, the authors speak about healing and growth. Depression is a terrible suffering yet it opens doors for deeper appreciation and commitment. But why do such painful experiences have first to occur? I’ll leave it to you to explore and find out (chapter 13: “Finding a New Normal”).
I found the answers to all of my questions. Working through depression is a grueling effort for everyone involved. The episode will pass with time but while it’s present each tick of the second hand can seem to last an hour. Losing patience is possible but benefits no one. Fortunately, others have been down this dark path before and have come out of the woods on the far side with brightness and perspective awaiting them. (The author uses his personal experiences with his mother as one such example.) Stay optimistic; there is hope!
I was highly sensitive to everything my loved one was telling me and began to assume blame for issues that weren’t always my fault. Not having control over these issues led to a great amount of distress and hopelessness because I had no way of fixing them. Often these issues had already been dealt with in the past and digging them up in the present provided no opportunity to defend against. Also, arguing about them or casting blame would not have been productive. Learning how to be a strengthened ally allowed me to give my loved one the support she needed and provided me the tools of perspective to protect myself. I felt much better about how I could handle things and also not make her feel worse. Nobody (nobody!) can pull anyone else out of depression—time, psychotherapy, and often medicine are needed. But there is a day when the clouds lift and your loved one is able to be herself again and she will be infinitely grateful for the support and love you’ve given and that makes the long days and weeks seem not so bad.
Finally, the authors speak about healing and growth. Depression is a terrible suffering yet it opens doors for deeper appreciation and commitment. But why do such painful experiences have first to occur? I’ll leave it to you to explore and find out (chapter 13: “Finding a New Normal”).
June 29, 2019
Essential reading for anyone who loves someone with depression or a related disorder (anxiety, dysthemia, bipolar, etc.). Particularly useful for spouses, parents, and adult children of depressed parents, and those with loved ones whose depression is chronic or treatment resistant.
What I liked about this book is that it's not full of wishful thinking, nor is it predicated on the idea that once your loved one enters therapy, life returns to normal. The book is the first I have read that appreciates and brings hope and useful trategies to the long-haul struggle of standing by someone with a mood disorder. Note: the first edition of this book was written in the 1990s, so many of the medical discussions are outdated. But the emotional insight and advice here are gold.
What I liked about this book is that it's not full of wishful thinking, nor is it predicated on the idea that once your loved one enters therapy, life returns to normal. The book is the first I have read that appreciates and brings hope and useful trategies to the long-haul struggle of standing by someone with a mood disorder. Note: the first edition of this book was written in the 1990s, so many of the medical discussions are outdated. But the emotional insight and advice here are gold.
January 5, 2026
This book offers support and guidance for those walking alongside someone facing depression. It’s less in-depth than some of the other titles I've read, but it’s unique in its approach offering family and friends helpful insights on how to respond to loved ones suffering from depression with understanding, patience, and practical support. The book gives readers a framework for offering care without becoming overwhelmed themselves. There are few books on this subject so while I wished it was more in depth it is still worth a read. It provides an introduction for understanding depression and how to help without trying to “fix” it.
March 11, 2021
This book was...alright. That's basically the best I can say about it. As someone who has no history/knowledge of what it's like to live with depression, I was hoping this book would give me some sort of insight into how to help my spouse. But instead, all it really did was tell me to take care of myself and not be embarrassed of their depression. So, this book should actually be titled "how to get over it when someone you love is depressed".
May 18, 2018
Even though this is an older book it was easy to read and gave the the tips I was looking for on how to reassure and speak to a loved one, I skipped some parts that weren’t applicable or had already been done, but I thought this was very informative.
January 1, 2025
Another DNF but calling it done since it’s the end of the year. It was very good, and helpful! The depressed person in my life received treatment and is still doing great. But I will keep this one on deck in case I need it for future reference.
March 14, 2018
Fascinating! Very well-written and highly informative.
March 7, 2019
Really helped put others depression in perspective for me.
September 30, 2020
Я не согласна со всеми советами, но что-то для себя вынесла. Может поможет
January 8, 2023
Решил посмотреть на депрессию, так сказать, с другой стороны... В этой книге много воды (особенно в начале), но всё же есть чёткие советы по пунктам, которые кажутся разумными.
March 2, 2023
I guess I have yet to see how helpful this will be, but I have found the phrase lists and the warning signs to be very useful.
September 8, 2018
This book is helpful for anyone affected by depression, and I’m sure most of us are. It offers practical advice and encouragement, I can’t recommend it more highly.
December 13, 2007
way to basic, all what i thought would come natural to someone. But maybe not.
I prefer hardcore reading about psychology and socialwork. This is definitily a beginers book, but it is a good one.
I prefer hardcore reading about psychology and socialwork. This is definitily a beginers book, but it is a good one.
December 26, 2022
*Technically finished this on 1/4/22, but changing to 12/31/21 so it's not counted in 2022 books, as I read most of it in 2021.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews