The Tricky Art of Co-Existing: How to Behave Decently No Matter What Life Throws Your Way

by Sandi Toksvig

How to behave is a skill that many of us are no longer taught, except by trial and error. With wit and perception, and drawing on her own snafus, Sandi Toksvig highlights decency rather than convention in this guide to 21st-century graciousness. (“If you do it right, being a grown-up is just like being a kid . . . without people telling you off.”)

Toksvig advises on the social pitfalls of every life stage (from christenings to condolences) and provides fascinating details about how manners have evolved—from the earliest étiquettes (little cards to remind courtiers how to behave) to the trolls of Twitter. Full of useful information, (Un)Common Courtesy will be a joy for both lifetime readers of Miss Manners and etiquette newbies!

Genres: Nonfiction, Humor, Self Help, Reference, Adult, Communication

288 pages, Paperback

First published March 24, 2015

About the author

Danish/British writer, presenter, comedian, actress and producer on British radio and television. She currently presents The News Quiz on BBC Radio 4 and 1001 Things You Should Know on Channel 4. In October 2012 she succeeded Sheila Hancock as Chancellor of the University of Portsmouth.

Reviews

[Scottsdale Public Library]

You would think in the modern world, where there is no shortage of information or opinion that we would not still need this book. Let me tell you, I used it at least three times this week.
It’s a short read and contains largely common sense, simply put. I was surprised by all of the little things for which I needed a reminder.
If you’re one of those people who is socially awkward, looking to handle something with grace and dignity or just didn’t go to finishing school (like so many of us), I wholeheartedly recommend giving this quick read on your lunch break or during your Sunday afternoon. -Joyce A.

[Amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book purely by accident - While on vacation, I got hooked on "The Great British Baking Show." One of the co-hosts of that show is also the author of this book and I have to say, she makes learning more about manners funny, and sometimes laugh out loud hilarious!

Some of the more interesting topics: Eat Your Own Food, Get Rid of Galling Guests (the easiest way is to stop being such a good host), Avoid All Expulsions of Wind, Never Use Your Phone at the Table (I learned a lot in this section), Cutlery (Some Forking History, Knife Work If You Can Get It, etc.), Speed of Eating, and Tipping.

There are manners to be considered at the beach or park, including: "Sex on the Beach. It's a nice cocktail. Let's leave it at that. Besides, sand can chafe."

I found the chapter called "Shoulder to the Grindstone" riveting. Here, readers can find information on manners tied to Being a Student, The Workplace, Behaving at Work, The Business of Business Writing, Workplace Romance, and Work Function (Activity). I especially enjoyed reading about, "Respect Other People's Time - Every time you are late you are wasting someone else's life. Be punctual."

As I was raised in a funeral home, the whole section about manners for "Attending a Funeral," was hilarious! Rule #1, Show up - "Sounds very basic, doesn't it, but this is not the time to discover you have something else to do." Be Exactly on Time - Being late is not fashionable when you're attending a funeral!

Hilarious!

[Sophia · Rating 1 out of 5]

I did not know who Sandi Toksvig was before picking up this book, so a few chapters in when I learned she's a comedienne, I was quite surprised....... because the book is so horribly boring. 95% of the advice in it is common sense, I couldn't tell you how many times the phrase "Be kind" was used..... The format of the book was a bit odd as well with constant lists and bullet points. I think it would have been far easier to diagram or use pictures for certain things, for example the set up of a dinner table. All in all, I believe a better manners book is out there.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sandi Toksvig is spot on with so many of her recommendations for behavior. It is all mostly common sense advice, but everyone, and I really do mean everyone, could use the reminder now and again to just be kind to each other. The world seems like it is becoming more and more hostile every day when you turn on the news, so it is nice to read about the simple ways is which we can all learn how to simply co-exist in a wide variety of daily settings. Toksvig presents her advice with interesting pieces of history and such wit that it is actually a joy to read about etiquette.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting and amusing!

[Nancy Reynolds · Rating 5 out of 5]

Informative and fun at the same time. Written to a 8-year old child, it covers all of the basic manners one needs to live a courteous life of co-existence - while being "nice"! Everyone can afford to be re-introduced to what should be the way we all act every day with every one. I loved it.

[Karen Plummer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed Sandi Toksvig's humor and common sense in this modern day book of manners. A fun read.

[Lauren · Rating 3 out of 5]

I could imagine going on a tear with etiquette books, but I actually read this because I have developed a bit of a Sandi crush. Her advice on manners and right living is surprisingly simplistic and light on humor, but overall this is still worth reading for the personal anecdotes and most of all arcane trivia peppered throughout. Having developed said crush while snarfing down two seasons of QI in about five days, Sandi telling me facts was really what I was after, anyway.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is full of entertaining history and anecdotes. Well done.

[Lance]

Uhhhhh

[Christine Travers · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a great modern etiquette book with fun travel stories interspersed.

[Scott · Rating 4 out of 5]

I like Sandi Toksvig from her hosting duties at the BBC News Quiz. This book was engaging and likely to be purchased by me for my daughter's edificaiton.

[Kari · Rating 3 out of 5]

A modern book on manners, written from Sandi to her young niece Mary. Told with humor, but with solid tips within, from eating to communication, from dating and death, and many things in between.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written as several letters to "Mary" about how to behave in all manner of situations. Absolutely charming, and frequently LOL funny.

[Drew · Rating 2 out of 5]

Ho hum. Was expecting more sass and flair.

[Nicola · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most of us could do with a refresher course about how to behave around others. I was certainly reminded of many things my parents encouraged in us. This tome is very Euro-centric, but for those of us who are European/North American in the way we were raised, there are some good reminders about civility and co-existence methods. Others who were raised in other cultures may or may not find the book either useful or amusing. This statement is not intended as a condemnation of Ms Toksvig's offering.

[Brian Sierkowski · Rating 2 out of 5]

I saw this book offered in Kindle version for a low price and the cover drew me in so I borrowed it first from the library to see if it was a keeper. Well, it isn't, at least for me. Amazon and the publisher position this as an etiquette book for adults. It is not. It is written by the author to her young niece and although appropriate and informative for a child, it reads awkwardly and condescending for those older and well into adulthood.

I am glad I did not give more than a slight glance at the author's name beforehand; otherwise, I may have been more excusing of her writing style as I enjoy her on some of the shows she's hosted. As it is, I found the style trite, derivative, and self-satisfied. The pages are littered with only loosely related odd trivia that feels forced and artificial. Toksvig tries quite hard to be quirky but it only reminded me of a young musician who just discovered Dylan and now suddenly sings and writes as if he was the man himself.

I don't mean to be harsh about this one. Again, it's fine for a child. For adults, I would recommend Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, John Bridges' How to Be a Gentleman, and, if you want to go outward to the big picture, Dale Carnegie's How to Win Friends and Influence People.

[Noema · Rating 3 out of 5]

Funny and occasionally useful -- I loved the advice on how to gracefully accept rides when you don't have a car, who else would include that? Her target group is young adults and it is probably a good book for them. If you're older, you might find it trite.

[Ietrio · Rating 1 out of 5]

Shallow disjointed ideas packed as an old style manners guide.

[Mary Stueben · Rating 4 out of 5]

A delightful volume from comedian Sandi Toksvig. Written as though to a niece, but good reading for us all. Humorous, witty, and quotable. Enjoy!

[Flan · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a light read that covers just about everything you need to know about manners in modern life.

[Erica · Rating 3 out of 5]

Surprisingly dull. A book of the obvious made slightly more interesting with personal anecdotes and quirky historical references.

[N Dorville · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book about manners and modern culture, with her usual brand of tongue-in-cheek humour.

[Bonnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written as advice to her niece, Sandi shares witty pearls of wisdom on how to be a decent human being in today's society. Insightful, helpful, and oh so clever.

[Robin Bilton · Rating 5 out of 5]

HILLARYOUS!!!!!!!!!!! one of the funniest books in exsistance

[Mindi]

If you are having trouble with your manners, you should definitely buy this book - Sandi has a magical way of making everything funny.

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the short stories and anecdotes, terribly witty.

[Mindi]

If you are having trouble with your manners, you should definitely buy this book - Sandi has a magical way of making everything funny.

[Zelda Sabel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sandi <3

[L.B. Sedlacek · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book tries to help you get along with everyone which these days certainly isn’t very easy. Worth taking some time to consider the ideas and examples in this book.