I have a confession to make. Sometimes when I sing songs of worship in church, I wonder why we do this. Is it necessary to tell God over and over how great He is? Isn't it better to go straight to the sermon and learn how to obey God and lead Godly lives?
Now I know why we sing. We sing because God is not just floating above us, He is in us and it is by his grace that we can sing. We sing because there is no point learning how to do good works when it is grace, not works, that saves us.
This book is about the gospel of grace. It tells the message of what Jesus Christ is all about. God knows all my sins, but instead of being a petty bookkeeper counting them one by one, He forgives me. In fact He forgives me even before I repent, so if I hope to gain forgiveness by repenting, I am being a fool. Instead, real repentance is an act of gratitude, to thank God for accepting me with all my flaws, failures and weaknesses. By grace I can accept myself because God accepted me first. Hence there is no reason to deny any of my sins, and every reason to honestly admit them so I gain a better idea of how much God has forgiven me for.
Because it is grace and not works that saves us, I am no better than the worst sinner. Who am I to judge the smokers and the drug addicts when Jesus accepts them to His table? The gospel of grace calls us to forgive and not to judge, for I cannot reject the one that Jesus has accepted. Jesus' words are not to be used against others, but to be taken personally. There is no reason for me to be jealous about those who lead sinful lives yet receive salvation on their deathbeds, for I am no better than them in Jesus' eyes. At the same time, I am not inferior to those who are more holy or more pious than me, for all our works are insignificant compared to God's grace.
To respond to grace, we have to first appreciate it. Grace is everywhere – in nature, movies and people – and it is time for me to stop taking things for granted and to instead open my eyes to wonder at God's grace in commonplace events. Everything is a gift from God. Because I am so unknowledgeable and insignificant, I have no right to impose myself on others. Instead I should learn from others and hear what God has the grace to teach me through them. Look at the world with an open mind and remember that God, no man's law, is first.
Next, we have to be honest with ourselves. I have always struggled with the commandment of not worshipping false idols, because I know that there are many things that I place above God, like food, work or books. Rather than face my guilt, it is so much easier to pretend that I make none of these my idols. But Manning says, "When we give anything more priority than we give to God, we commit idolatry. Thus we all commit idolatry countless times each day." In essence, he knows that he sins, but instead of guiltily avoiding it, he accepts it. Accepting our weaknesses and our inability to overcome these weaknesses makes us dependent on grace to deliver us out of them.
Then we have to trust. We have to trust that the Lord is all-loving and all-forgiving and that he accepts our failures. We reject grace and stop trusting in God when we are unable to let our guilt go. When we are too tired to say anything more than a short, shallow prayer, we have to trust that God accepts, forgives, and is delighted that we even tried. Real trust is not dependent on a response from God. I recently struggled because God didn't seem to be speaking to me, but now I see that this is perhaps a test from God – will I still trust when I can't hear Him? I thought I was doing something wrong, but now I realise God just wants me to wait patiently and He will, by grace, speak to me one day. Trusting God does not mean trusting that He will give us lives free from suffering, but that He will enable us to triumph over suffering. It does not mean that we will stop sinning, but that all things, even sin, will be used for God's good plan.
Finally, we have to love God. We will never be able to love Him as much as He loves us, but He understands. All He asks is that in our own puny ways, we try to love Him in gratitude to Him loving me first. We show gratitude by reading the Bible to understand Him better, and by being generous and compassionate to others, for Jesus says that what we do for the least of His brothers we do for Him.
Grace gives us freedom from the fear of not impressing anyone, even ourselves. Knowing that God accepts me in spite of everything, I am free to be who I am. Because I am nothing compared to Jesus, I can worship freely as well because I have nothing to lose.
I have been wondering about the narrow gate of heaven and the wide gate of hell, and how this can be reconciled with the grace that is extended to all. I think that perhaps though grace has been extended, I still need to accept it. When I remain guilty and refuse to accept God's forgiveness, when I judge others, or when I read the Bible and pray to make God like me more, I reject grace. When I hold people to the conventional methods of worship at my church, I reject the grace that accepts the people behind all forms of worship. When I think that my faith is solid and that I am spiritually mature, my acceptance of God's grace which transcends all understanding dies. It is so easy to reject grace, that is why the gate is narrow. It is like God says "Here is eternal life" and I say "I don't want it".
It is so easy to sin. While I was reading this book, I felt so overwhelmed with God's forgiveness that I couldn't help passing on this forgiveness to everyone around me. When a political leader made a misguided comment, I forgave him amidst the flurry of criticism around me. Then I thought, why can't everyone be as forgiving as me? Why are they so sinful?
That's when I realised my forgiveness had turned into condescension. I started out forgiving in gratitude to God, but ended up forgiving because God says that is how we show gratitude. I had turned from living by grace to living by works. In trying to accept God's grace, I rejected it.
But that is where grace comes in. No matter how much we try to sin, we always end up sinning. Our self-centred human nature compels us to sin. But God understands. He tells us, "Repent, trust in me, and I will teach you to accept my grace."
In future days, I will turn away from God again and again. I will reach spiritual low points when my heart feels apathetic, my life feels empty and God's voice seems absent. But each time, God's grace will carry me back.
I went into this book feeling uncomfortable. I felt like one of the complacently successful people that, as Manning warns in the preface, the book is not meant for. I certainly did not feel bedraggled, beat-up or burnt-out. But as I read, I realised how truly poor in spirit I am, to the extent that I don't even know it. It amazes me that as a Christian from birth I have never understood the central message of God's grace before, and I thank God for showing me - through grace, of course - this book. I pray that He will continue to humble me so that I can truly appreciate the goodness of His grace.