My Selling Pitch:
Slow af mushroom cult horror that thinks it's feminist but totally misses the memo and just fetishizes women’s bodies the whole time.
On my do not read list.
Pre-reading:
The cover gives “Wuthering Heights,” and I LOVE Manhunt, so your girl is sat.
(obviously potential spoilers from here on)
Thick of it:
I don’t like that she keeps her drugs with her cat.
I hope they eat the cop. Hannibal Lecter mushroom episode style.
I think the mushrooms ate the last camp interpreter because he was diddling kids. (I wanted to read this book, not the one I got.)
These mushrooms have the wackiest names!
This is kinda aggressively cringe woke.
Can they chill with calling her fat?
Title drop
They're feeding the mushrooms bodies for sure.
Maybe the Lord of the Forest took over the old logging camp guy’s body?
I understand the Manhunt comparisons, but Manhunt is much better. I think it’s also kind of like Stag Dance, but again Stag Dance is so much better.
This is really slow and just kind of performatively edgy, and it’s kind of falling into the manhater sphere. And the trap of characters are only trans or gay from sexual trauma, and I'm just tired, man.
The audiobook is FUN with the glitch voice!
They’re literally murdering people, and I’m still like this is so slow.
Poor raccoon!
I don’t understand this horse piss dialogue. Is that slang for a drug or another mushroom?
I might be too straight for this. I’m just getting annoyed. Everyone in this book sucks. (Too straight in the all the descriptions of women are SO male gaze, so it’s just icky to me, but maybe if you lust after women you have some of these thoughts. But I actually just think it’s problematically so male gazed.)
It’s not even smart, satirized comedy. It’s just hateful clichés.
Japanese Maple has been forever tainted by the Kelces.
This is closer to Midsommar and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.
Psychadellic titty milk is crazy.
Skillet’s genital mutilation backstory is really, really sad.
Women aren't supposed to do anything. Women don’t owe you shit. Women aren't “supposed” to want to have kids or give birth. That's not part of the identity. Get fucked.
Be nice to Skillet.
I'm still confused by the piss.
It's reduced women to such fetishistic parts that there's nothing feminist about this.
Kayfabe
So mushroom tentacle porn. You're just screaming male gaze at this point.
I'm so checked out.
Lordosis
Everyone dies books are so unsatisfying to me.
Post-reading:
The cover and the comp titles for this had me so excited. It didn't just flop for me, but I actively hated reading it. And that’s saying something because I push through a lot of garbage books with oodles of whiny bitching but rarely visceral hatred for them.
And it’s frustrating because I am DOWN for transgressive horror and problematic characters and satirical social criticisms. This was a hateful MESS. It’s like the worst side of the brain rotted left where it throws away the mission for equality and decides it wants indiscriminate retribution. I'm left as they come. Do you know how much I hate when a book has me exasperatedly dragging my fingers over my face like not all men, and even worse, not all cops? I don't want those loaded statements in my mouth, but this book reads like it calls for the death of everyone because the only legitimate way to live is to tap into the divine feminine which can only be achieved through-oh yeah, parthenogenically birthing babies. We’re in a character’s flawed POV when this statement is uttered, so hopefully the author doesn't genuinely believe this, but the character does say with her full chest that you can't be a valid, real woman unless you want to birth kids. Lol get so fucked.
The characters blend together into sexually traumatic backstory bingo. I found Skillet to be the most likable character. I'm a sucker for morally gray charisma. But she’s treated like a running, bonkers, horny joke. It’s heavily implied that the girl’s father forced her to sit on a hotplate so that she couldn't have sex, and instead of taking female genital mutilation seriously, it’s played for body shame-tinged laughs. Fatness is repeatedly fetishized, and all people who are attracted to it are reduced to chasers, like there’s no valid way to be into bigger bodies. Breastfeeding and birthing are sexualized. There’s some indecipherable-to me at least- dialogue surrounding a bestiality piss kink. And it got to me. The book treats the experience as kinky horror, but it was just disturbing fetishism to me along the lines of American Horror Story. I know plenty of people like that series, but I can't cope with the violent undertones to all of its sexual horror. And if this is the first review of mine that you’re reading, I can hear the eyerolling kink-shaming prude comments. I’d encourage you to go look at the comp titles I'll be giving for this, and I think you'll change your tune. I loved those books. I love this genre. So when I say this was not fucking it-
It's pretty laissez-faire with its drug use. I’m a total square, so that’s not for me, but I can enjoy some acid-laced prose. The visuals for it never deliver. There’s gore, but no stakes to it, so it's never scary. If you kill characters I'm not emotionally bonded to, I'm not gonna react. The book constantly tells you that the Lord of the Forest is so terrifying that people can't see him and continue to live, but we never get any threatening behavior from him. By all means, don't show me the monster directly because they'll always be scarier before their reveal, but even when the audience finally gets to see him, there’s zero horror. The whole book is more counterculture disturbed than genuine horror. It reminded me so much of Once Upon a Time in Hollywood not just because of the cult factor, but also because the rampant sexual abuse is treated as something sexy and titillating and almost aspirational rather than being disgusting.
And the ending! It’s such a cop out. I hate everybody dies books. There’s almost no actual resolution to the plot. We never learn why Sarah’s so desperate for money or why she can't get a real job and her only motivation, to take care of her cat, she exchanges for giant astral projection breasts? It's so deeply unsatisfying.
I just don't think you should read this. I don't think you'll enjoy your time. It's not snarky, it’s not funny, the characters don't win you over, the plot’s a shoestring, and most damningly for a horror, it’s not even scary. The best part of this book was the audiobook’s sound effects for the phone glitch, and that's about it for positive things I can say about it. If you're looking for horror with gender commentary I really encourage you to pick up one of my comp titles because those books slap.
Who should read this:
Cult horror fans
Drug trip fiction fans
Ideal reading time:
Fall
Do I want to reread this:
Nope.
Would I buy this:
Nope.
Similar books:
* Stag Dance by Torrey Peters-short story collection, historical, horror, folktale retelling, queer, trans, social commentary
* Manhunt by Gretchen Felker-Martin-dystopian horror, queer, trans, social commentary, cults
* The Starving Saints by Caitlin Starling-psychological, magical realism horror, queer, religious commentary, cults
* The Unworthy by Augustina Bazterrica-dystopian horror, cults, queer, religious commentary
* You Weren’t Meant to be Human by Andrew Joseph White-dystopian horror, cults, queer, trans, autism, social commentary
* Mary by Nat Cassidy-horror, social commentary, cults, revenge thriller
* Black Sheep by Rachel Harrison-magical realism horror, family drama, revenge thriller, cults
* Tell Me I’m Worthless by Alison Rumfitt-horror, unreliable narrator, queer, trans, social commentary
* Deliver Me by Elle Nash-psychological horror, family drama, revenge thriller, queer, unreliable narrator, cults, social commentary
* American Werewolves by Emily Jane-magical realism horror, historical, queer, social commentary, revenge thriller
* Overgrowth by Mira Grant-dystopian sci-fi horror, queer, trans, autism, social commentary
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.