How to Love

Mindfulness Essentials #3

by Thich Nhat Hanh, Jason DeAntonis (Illustrator)

The most popular book in the "How To" series: advice, practices, and food for thought from a Zen Master on our most universal emotion. 

The third book in the bestselling Mindfulness Essentials series, a back-to-basics collection from world-renowned Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh that introduces everyone to the essentials of mindfulness practice.

Nhat Hanh brings his signature clarity, compassion, and humor to the thorny question of how to love. He distills one of our strongest emotions down to four essentials: you can only love another when you feel true love for yourself; love is understanding; understanding brings compassion; deep listening and loving speech are key ways of showing our love.

Pocket-sized, with original two color illustrations by Jason DeAntonis, How to Love shows that when we feel closer to our loved ones, we are also more connected to the world as a whole. With sections on Love vs. Need, Being in Love, Reverence, Intimacy, Children and Family, Reconciling with Parents, and more, How to Love includes meditations you can do alone or with your partner to go deep inside and expand your own capacity to love.

Scientific studies indicate that meditation contributes tremendously to well-being, general health, and longevity. How to Love is a unique gift for those who want a comprehensive yet simple guide to understanding the many different kinds of love, along with meditative practices that can expand the understanding of and capacity for love, appropriate for those practicing in any spiritual tradition, whether seasoned practitioners or new to meditation.

Genres: Nonfiction, Philosophy, Self Help, Spirituality, Buddhism, Love, Relationships

128 pages, Paperback

First published December 22, 2014

About the author

Thích Nhất Hạnh was a Vietnamese Buddhist monk, teacher, author, poet and peace activist who then lived in southwest France where he was in exile for many years. Born Nguyễn Xuân Bảo, Thích Nhất Hạnh joined a Zen (Vietnamese: Thiền) monastery at the age of 16, and studied Buddhism as a novitiate. Upon his ordination as a monk in 1949, he assumed the Dharma name Thích Nhất Hạnh. Thích is an honorary family name used by all Vietnamese monks and nuns, meaning that they are part of the Shakya (Shakyamuni Buddha) clan. He was often considered the most influential living figure in the lineage of Lâm Tế (Vietnamese Rinzai) Thiền, and perhaps also in Zen Buddhism as a whole.

Reviews

[Dr. Appu Sasidharan (Dasfill) · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this third book, the author teaches us the importance of loving ourselves and others. According to him, connecting to people, we love means connecting to the universe.

There are a set of meditations that can be done with our partner to understand more about our love in this book.


My favorite three lines from this book.
“A true partner or friend is one who encourages you to look deep inside yourself for the beauty and love you’ve been seeking.”

“Other people’s actions are the result of their own pain and not the result of any intention to hurt you.”

“The roots of a lasting relationship are mindfulness, deep listening and loving speech, and a strong community to support you.”


This is a must-read book if you are someone newly married or don’t know how to express love.

[Abbey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can this be required reading for everyone in the world?

[Sonja Rosa Lisa ♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lieben sollte einfach sein, doch das ist es oft nicht. In diesem Buch gibt es viele wertvolle Tipps und Anregungen. Es geht um Selbstliebe und Selbstfürsorge und um Liebe zum Partner und anderen Menschen und Lebewesen. So kann ein harmonisches L(i)eben gelingen. Es sind sehr schöne Sätze dabei, die einfach guttun. ❤️

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thich Nhat Hanh, monk and spiritual leader, has written a short series of books he calls "Mindfulness Essentials." This entry is all about love. You might ask yourself, what could a monk possibly know about love? Turns out, plenty.

Hanh applies the mindfulness techniques he's learned over his lifetime of spiritual practice to the potentially thorny pathways of love, and the result is a gem of a read.

He counsels lovers to bring happiness to each other through being present in the moment and sharing your appreciation with each other. For example, if someone is distracted or worried, Hanh says you should draw their attention to the physical beauty of the world around them. In this way, you anchor the other in the present moment and ease the suffering of their busy mind.

This type of presence is a gift that you can give to anyone at anytime. And it doesn't cost anything.

Hahn describes four defining traits of love as loving-kindness, joy, compassion, and equanimity. Then he examines these traits in detail so readers can ponder the mystery of love and see where, potentially, we may be falling short of these ideals.

He teaches all love begins with self love and walks hand-in-hand with spiritual practice. Through deep listening and the establishment of intimacy, Hahn believes love heals through empathy and "karuna," a term that describes suffering with another and then doing what you can to end that suffering.

In addition, don't take the other person for granted or make assumptions about what they may need. It is only through open communication that, Hahn believes, love lives.

He makes it sound so easy. I wish it was.

Recommended for readers looking to learn about the spiritual side of love in a quick and easy read. Hanh doesn't waste words and I am always in awe of what teachings he has to impart.

[Sunny Yoo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thich Nhat Hanh is so wise and deep. I love how this book is broken down into multiple sections and titles, allowing readers to be mindful of what they are reading. I recommend that you buy a copy instead of borrowing one. This book is easy to navigate through and I am glad because I will be revisiting it often.

Throughout the book, I was forced to reflect about my past relationships and my current relationships, both romantic and non-romantic. I started to realize the mistakes I made. The times I wasn't a good friend and lover. How my actions caused others around me to suffer. If we practice mindfulness and these teachings we can nourish and support others to bloom like flowers.

[Nick · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am a beginner, trying to learn every day how to love a bit better. This book, by a famous Zen master, is a gentle, optimistic guide to the strangeness and the mystery of love, and I recommend it highly.

[Ken]

The biggest of the little books in this 5-part series (gee, I wonder why?), and yet, for me at least, less novel than the first two I read. Not that I've figured it ALL out on my own or that I would put it quite this way ("Tell it slant, like a Buddhist would."), but if you've been married long enough and your marriage is humming along, you get to the point where you've covered as much territory as Lewis and Clark.

One nice point of emphasis is letting go of our infatuations with "self" (would Donald Trump could read!). Hanh uses the metaphor of a flower which, he insists, is not really a flower so much as chemicals, photosynthesis, water, sunlight, carbon dioxide, and oxygen. Point being? We are not so much "self" as surroundings, upbringing, parents, grandparents (etc.), friends, the Earth that nourishes us, the sun that nourishes food that nourishes us, and on and on it goes.

If "self" is seen as an interdependence of beings and entities, it's easier to bridge the concept of strong relationships. Bad news for misanthropes (who are kidding themselves for as long as they can) and hermits, I guess, but good news for the rest of us. Even the so-called "selfish" among us. The "me-first" crowd (and it is a crowd).

The Six Mantras:

1. "I am here for you." True presence, not empty words.

2. "I know you are there, and I am happy." You can say this to the moon, the morning star, the sun, but most importantly someone you love.

3. "I know you are suffering." You can't do #1 very well if you don't master #3, which requires that new definition of self we were talking about.

4. "I am suffering." This followed by the words, "Please help." The obstacle here is a big one. Pride. How many relationships go down in flames (or never even get off the ground) because of pride? It's a powerful thing and catchier than Covid. See the front pages of newspapers, where accounts of those in "power" abound. (Oh, those nasty 'P' words!)

5. "This is a happy moment." No, no. Not when you're finally in Disney World for vacation taking pics for your social media feed (translate: "I'm here and you're not"). This means the simple stuff! If you can't recognize happiness in simplicity, in breathing, in the here and now, in the white pine out back and the upside-down nuthatch circling its bark, in your luck in having the partner you have or the people who care about you, where does that leave you? (I know, I know: Disney World, but Mickey is always so short term.)

6. "You are partly right." Say it when you're congratulated. Say it when you're criticized. Either way, always remember you are a collection of strengths and weaknesses. It'll help you remember others are, too, including your loved ones and those you don't much care for, thank you. Cut them some slack so that they may cut slack unto you. (I think that's a Proverb in the Bible.)

Going into greater detail, Hanh delineates different kinds of love (compassion being a scarce one these days) and has plenty of advice not only for those just embarking on a relationship but those doing the hard work of maintaining one.

In the words of the Prophets (John, Paul, George, and Ringo): "All you need is love." Start with yourself (by respecting your body's physical and mental health) and take if from there.

[K Flewelling · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is difficult to review a book like this. This book is composed of sweet morsels of truth, and statements meant to ponder. It is not something that you need to read quickly -- but I did read it quickly. It brought tears to my eyes, convicted my heart, gave me practical tools and meditations to practice. But that's all it can do. It is up to the reader to be changed. Some of the sections had a powerful impact, others not as much. I imagine if I were to re-read this short book, I would be attracted to different lessons. It is a strange but good thing to feel that you are interacting with a text, not just being told what to do. If you are looking for a meditation on love, I would recommend this for your consideration. If you are struggling to love -- anyone or anything -- this text will challenge you to open your heart, and bring mindfulness to your interactions. Love begins here.

[liv ❁ · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Understanding is the foundation of true love.”

“True love is like the sun, shining with its own light, and offering that light to everyone.”

“The notions and ideas we have about happiness can entrap us. We forget that they are just notions and ideas. Our idea of happiness may be the very thing that prevents us from being happy.”

“Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward in the same direction. … As a true lover, the direction you look in is peace.”

[Mohsen M.B · Rating 3 out of 5]

با خوندن این کتاب چنان حس روحانی بودن بهم دست داده که می‌تونم رییس‌جمهور بشم :))ـ

در نگاه اول احساس کردم که این هم مثل بقیه‌ی کتاب‌های زرد بازاری درباره‌ی عشقه؛ اما هر چی جلوتر رفت بهتر شد و مشخص بود که پشتوانه‌ای داره، با این حال بعضی‌جاها احساس بدیهی بودن مطالب بهم دست می‌داد که مهم‌ترین دلیلش ساختار کتاب و تبعیت نکردن من از ساختار بود.ـ
این کتابی نیست که آدم بذاره جلوش و تا تهش بخونه؛ باید آروم بخونه، با توجه بخونه و تمرین کنه.ـ
پس این سه ستاره، امتیاز به سراسیمه‌خوندن خودمه نه به کتاب؛ باشد که دگر بار به فرصت خوانیم

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think there was a lot of wisdom in this little book and I got a lot out of it. I have found mindfulness to be a very positive force in my life.
My biggest concern is that the book didn't address clearly when compassion and deep listening cannot change or maintain a relationship if you're with an abusive partner.
I also question Thich Nhat Hanh's stance that crushes and sex without commitment are going to leave you feeling empty and lonely. I think that could be the case but I think lust and sexual expression need not be confined to relationships as long as there is awareness around feeling safe emotionally and physically.

[Bianca A. · Rating 2 out of 5]

Typical Eastern philosophy. Makes a few good conclusions but the argumentation for them is terrible and unscientific. It kind of relies on the reader just trusting the author that what they say is true and that's that. Couldn't really get into it.

[Paula Cappa · Rating 4 out of 5]

This little book (would make a charming gift) is so clear with thoughts about love and happiness. Example: "If we have happy parents, we have received the richest inheritance of all." I've actually not thought about this idea until I read it on page 106. We do learn happiness or unhappiness from our parents. I felt compelled to take this thought with me for the afternoon and really examine it and personalize it within my life. There are many thoughts like this that stopped me because they ring a bell that I hadn't heard before. Ideas like focusing on your own true presence, deep listening, and nourishing yourself and who you love every day. One mantra he suggests which I found perfect: "You are partly right." Much better alternative than telling someone they are wrong.

[Jae · Rating 5 out of 5]

The last in this series of short books on mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hanh, and just like the other books in this series it is written with simplicity and elegance. Each chapter is very short, only 1 or 2 pages followed by a small line drawing - easy to digest and meditate upon. A series of little gems.

[Tasnima Oishee · Rating 4 out of 5]

"To love without knowing how to love- wounds the person we love."

এই বইটার খোঁজ পেয়েছিলাম ইউটিউবার সাদমান সাদিকের একটা ভিডিও থেকে, তাও বছর খানেক হয়ে গেলো। বইটার শেষ দশটা পৃষ্ঠা পড়তেই এতোটা সময় লাগলো।
"কিভাবে ভালোবাসতে হবে" এইটা বই পড়ে জানার কি আছে, এই বলে প্রথমেই মুখটা বাকিয়ে নিলে আসলে এই বইটা খুব বেশি কাজে লাগবে না। একটু ওপেন মাইন্ডেড থাকলে হয়তো এখানকার কিছু কথা কাজে লাগলেও লাগতে পারে।
Thich Nhat Hanh নামের এই ভদ্রলোক একজন ভিয়েতনামিজ বৌদ্ধ ভিক্ষু।
প্রথমেই আমাদের হার্ট/হৃদয়কে তুলনা করা হয়েছে একটা নদীর সাথে। এবার সেই নদী যতো বড় হবে, এটার গ্রহণ করার ক্ষমতাও ততো বাড়বে তাই না? একই সাথে হৃদয় যতো ছোটো হবে, তত আমাদের আন্ডারস্ট্যান্ডিং লিমিটেড হয়ে যাবে, আমরাও সাফার করবো বেশি।
ভালোবাসা মানেই হলো আমাদের সুখী হওয়ার মন্ত্রটা শিখে ফেলা কোনো ভাবে। যতক্ষণ পর্যন্ত কেউ নিজে সুখী না হতে পারবে, ততক্ষণ পর্যন্ত সে অন্য কাউকেই সেই হ্যাপিনেস অফার করতে পারবে না।
ভালোবাসা টা কোনো জেলখানা না, বরং সত্যিকারের ভালোবাসা সেটাই, যেটা আমাদেরকে স্পেস দেয়, গ্রো করতে দেয়।
আরেক জায়গায় বলা হচ্ছে- কোনো একটা মানুষের কষ্টটা বোঝাই তাকে দেয়া সর্বশ্রেষ্ঠ উপহার হতে পারে।
শেষ মেশ, ছয়টা মন্ত্র দেয়া হয়েছে।
বইটা আমার বেশ ভালোই লেগেছে পড়তে আসলে। এমন কিছু নেই যেটা আমরা জানি না, কিন্তু রিমাইন্ডার হিসেবে পড়া যায় আরকি। ভালোবাসা কি আর এতোই সহজ? 🥹

[Preethi Krishnan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I keep coming back to this sentence in this beautiful book.

"One of the greatest gifts we can offer people is to embody nonattachment and nonfear. This is a true teaching, more precious than money or material resources. Many of us are very afraid, and this fear distorts our lives and makes us unhappy. We cling to objects and to people like a drowning person clings to a floating log. Practicing to realize nondiscrimination, to see the interconnectedness and impermanence of all things, and to share this wisdom with others, we are giving the gift of nonfear. Everything is impermanent. This moment passes. That person walks away. Happiness is still possible."

[Madelyn Hernández · Rating 5 out of 5]

I need to practice Hugging Meditation.

"When we hug, our hearts connect and we know that we are not separate beings. Hugging with mindfulness and concentration can bring reconciliation, healing, understanding, and much happiness. The practice of mindful hugging has helped so many people to reconcile with each other -fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, friends and friends, and so many others. You may practice hugging meditation with a friend, your daughter, your father, your even with a tree."

[MKF]

Thích Nhât Hahn has written another amazing little book full of wisdom. The small sections are powerful, truthful, and thought provoking.

[Guy Choate · Rating 2 out of 5]

I'm a firm believer that the love people share is unique to those people and its parameters can't be generalized. I cringe when someone tells me that because they understand love, they understand the love I have created and share...even if that person is clearly thoughtful and wise in other areas.

[Carolt_reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book for my "reading Lana Condors favourite books" video! check out the video for my live reactions and review! ;)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwgVw...

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

His work is so fundamental for much of my beliefs about how I want to go through this life. A quick wonderful read that maybe if everyone read the world would be better. Love is the foundation of everything, and it is crucial to understand how we can give love and receive love in all its forms. When you understand and love yourself you are able to pass that love on to others. It can be so easy to get caught up in the day to day nonsense of life that we forget about love and kindness. I think with love, kindness, and compassion, we can alleviate our own suffering but also that of each person we encounter. Now more than ever, give this book a read. I will probably re-read this again and again. Words cannot describe how simple yet powerful this book is.

[Priyanka Sharma · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quite reflective, discreet and thoughtful but it’s a beginner’s guide to love. Anyone who reads advanced books about Buddhism and spirituality might find it very repetitive and generic.

[A common reader · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very beautiful what he writes, but not very realistic in my opinion.

[Georgie Laws · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book. Everyone should read it. Makes me feel like I can be more attentive in my relationships and in my experiences. I appreciate this book a lot and I want to read his other books.

[Katrina Sark · Rating 5 out of 5]

p.10 – Understanding is the Nature of Love – Understanding someone’s suffering is the best gift you can give another person. Understanding is love’s other name. If you don’t understand, you can’t love.

p.11 – Recognizing True Love – True love gives us beauty, freshness, solidity, freedom, and peace. True love includes a feeling of deep joy that we are alive. If we don’t feel this way when we feel love, then it’s not true love.

p.13 – Love is Expansive – The moment love stops growing, it begins to die. It’s like a tree; if a tree stops growing, it begins to die. We can learn how to feed our love and help it continue to grow.

p.15 – Distractions – Often, we get crushes on others not because we truly love and understand them, but to distract ourselves from our suffering. When we learn to love and understand ourselves and have true compassion for ourselves, then we can truly love and understand another person.

p.16 – The Four Elements of True Love – True love is made of four elements: loving kindness, compassion, joy, and equanimity. If your love contains these elements, it will be healing and transforming, and it will have the element of holiness in it. True love has the power to heal and transform any situation and bring deep meaning to our lives.

p.17 – Loving Kindness – The first element of true love is loving kindness. The essence of loving kindness is being able to offer happiness. You can be the sunshine for another person. You can’t offer happiness until you have it for yourself. So build a home inside by accepting yourself and learning to love and heal yourself. Learn how to practice mindfulness in such a way that you can create moments of happiness and joy for your own nourishment. Then you have something to offer the other person.

p.21 – Equanimity – The fourth element of true love is equanimity. We can also call it inclusiveness or nondiscrimination. In a deep relationship, there’s no longer a boundary between you and the other person.

p.22 – Respect and Trust – When you love someone, you have to have trust and confidence. Love without trust is not yet love. Of course, first you have to have trust, respect, and confidence in yourself. Trust that you have a good and compassionate nature. You are part of the universe; you are made of stars. When you look at your loved one, you see that he is also made of stars and carries eternity inside. Looking in this way, we naturally feel reverence. True love cannot be without trust and respect for oneself and for the other person.

p.23 – Be Beautiful, Be Yourself – If you can accept your body, then you have a chance to see your body as your home. You can rest in your body, settle in, relax, and feel joy and ease. If you don’t accept your body and your mind, you can’t be at home with yourself. You have to accept yourself as you are. This is a very important practice. As you practice building a home in yourself, you become more and more beautiful.

p.38 – Sharing the Same Aspiration – In a relationship, when you and your partner share the same kind of aspiration, you become one, and you become an instrument of love and peace in the world. You begin as a community of two people, and then you can grow your community. In the practice center where I love, there are over a hundred of us. We have the same concerns, the same desires, and the same future. There is no longer a place for jealousy, because we are all faithful to the same aspiration. We share everything, but we still have our freedom intact. Love is not a kind of prison. True love gives us a lot of space.

p.39 – Loving Communication – To love without knowing how to love wounds the person we love. To know how to love someone, we have to understand them. To understand, we need to listen. That person may be our partner, our friend, our sibling, or our child. You can ask, “Dear one, do you think that I understand you enough? Please tell me your difficulties, your suffering, and your deepest wishes.” Then the other person has an opportunity to open their heart.

p.44 – Joy is Healing – If a relationship can’t provide joy, then it’s not true love. Offer only the things that can make the other person happy. You should know the real needs of that person. Practice and learn how to generate a feeling of joy, a feeling of happiness with your in-breath, your out-breath, and your steps. If you have enough understanding and love, then every moment – whether it’s spend making breakfast, driving the car, watering the garden, or doing anything else in your day – can be a moment of joy.

p.46 – Attention – As long as we’re rejecting ourselves and causing harm to our bodies and minds, there’s no point in talking about loving and accepting others. With mindfulness, we can recognize our habitual ways of thinking and the contents of our thoughts. Sometimes our thoughts run around in circles and we’re engulfed in distrust, pessimism, conflict, sorrow, or jealousy. This state of mind will naturally manifest in our words and actions and cause harm to us as to others. When we shed the light of mindfulness on our habitual thought patterns, we see them clearly. Recognizing our habits and smiling to them is the practice of appropriate mental attention, which helps us create new and more beneficial neural pathways.

p.47 – Lover as Healer – Compassion means to “suffer with” another person, to share their suffering. […] You need to understand the cause of your loved one’s suffering in order to help bring relief.

p.51 – Asking for Help – When you suffer, you may want to go to your room, lock the door, and cry. The person who hurt you is the last person you want to see. Even if he tries to approach you, you may still be very angry. But to get relief, you have to go to the person you love, the one who just hurt you very deeply, and ask for help. Become yourself one hundred percent. Open your mouth and say with all your heart and with all your concentration that you suffer and you need help.

p.53 – Are You Sure? – Other people’s actions are the result of their own pain and not the result of any intention to hurt you. A wrong perception can be the cause of a lot of suffering. This is why, whenever we have a perception, we have to ask ourselves if our perception is right. When we stand with friends looking at the setting sun, we’re sure the sun had not set quite yet. But a scientist might tell us that the sun we’re seeing is only the image of the sun of eight minutes ago. We are subject to thousands of wrong perceptions like this in our daily lives. The next time you suffer, and you believe that your suffering has been caused by the person you love the most, ask your loved one for help.

p.54 – Pride – Often, our pride stands in the way of our asking for help. In true love there is no place for pride. To love each other means to trust each other. If you don’t tell the person you love of your suffering, it means you don’t love this person enough to trust her. You have to realize that this person is the best person to help you. We need to be able to get help from the person we love.

p.56 – A Deep Thirst – We expect and hope for something much better so we’ll feel less alone, less empty. The desire to understand ourselves and to understand life is a deep thirst. There’s also the deep thirst to be loved and to love. We are ready to love and be loved. It’s very natural. But because we feel empty, we try to find an object of our love. Sometimes we haven’t had the time to understand ourselves, yet we’ve already found the object of our love. When we realize that all our hopes and expectations of course can’t be fulfilled by that person, we continue to feel empty. You want to find something, but you don’t know what to search for. In everyone there’s a continuous desire and expectation; deep inside, you still expect something better to happen. That is why you check your email many times a day!

p.60 – Before Committing to Another – If you don’t reconcile with yourself, happiness with another person is impossible.

p.64 – The Practice of Metta – To love is, first of all, to accept ourselves as we actually are. The first practice of love is to know oneself. The Pali word metta means “loving kindness.” When we practice Metta Meditation, we see the conditions that have caused us to be the way we are; this makes it easy for us to accept ourselves, including our suffering and our happiness. When we practice Metta Meditation, we touch our deepest aspirations. But the willingness and aspiration to love is not yet love. We have to look deeply, with all our being, in order to understand the object of our meditation. The practice of love meditation is not autosuggestion. We have to look deeply at our body, feelings, perceptions, mental formations, and consciousness. We can observe how much peace, happiness, and lightness we already have. We can notice whether we are anxious about accidents or misfortunes, and how much anger, irritation, fear, anxiety, or worry are still in us. As we become aware of the feelings in us, our self-understanding will deepen. We will see how our fears and lack of peace contribute to our unhappiness, and we will see the value of loving ourselves and cultivating a heart of compassion. Love will enter our thoughts, words, and actions.

p.66 – Digging Deep –If we take good care of ourselves, we help everyone. We stop being a source of suffering to the world, and we become a reservoir of joy and freshness. Here and there are people who know how to take good care of themselves, who live joyfully and happily. They are our strongest support. Whatever they do, they do for everyone.

p.69 – Finding Home – Every one of us is trying to find our true home. Some of us are still searching. Our true home is inside, but it’s also in our loved ones around us. When you’re in a loving relationship, you and the other person can be a true home for each other. In Vietnamese, the nickname for a person’s life partner is “my home.”

p.70 – Opening the Door – Once you know how to come home to yourself, then you can open you home to other people, because you have something to offer. The other person has to do exactly the same thing if they are to have something to offer you. Otherwise, they will have nothing to share but their loneliness, sickness, and suffering. This can’t help heal you at all. The other person has to heal themselves and get warm inside, so that they will feel better, at ease, and can share their home with you.

p.78 – Sensory Food – Whatever we consume affects our body and mind. If we consume toxic magazine articles, movies, or video games, they will feed our craving, our anger, and our fear. If we set aside time each day to be in a peaceful environment, to walk in nature, or even just to look at a flower or the sky, then that beauty will penetrate us and feed our love and our joy.

p.80 – Nourishing Consciousness – We absorb and reflect what is around us. If we live in a place where people are angry and violent, then eventually we’ll become like them. If we live in a family or community where there’s a culture of being understanding and compassionate with each other, we’ll naturally be more peaceful and loving. Children growing up in such an environment will learn to be caring and kind.

p.96 – Shining the Light – True love doesn’t foster suffering or attachment. On the contrary, it brings well-being to ourselves and to others. True love is generated from within. For true love to be there, you need to feel complete in yourself, not needing something from outside. True love is like the sun, shining with its own light, and offering that light to everyone.

p.104 – The Art of Creating Happiness – Use your talent to find ways to bring happiness to yourself and others – the happiness that arises from meditation is not the same as the feeling that comes from the pursuit of pleasure seeing. Meditative joy has the capacity to nourish our mindfulness, understanding, and love. Live in a way that encourages deep happiness in yourself and others. You can vow to bring joy to one person in the morning and to help relieve the suffering of one person in the afternoon. Ask yourself, “Who can I make smile this morning?” this is the art of creating happiness.

[Loredana (Bookinista08) · Rating 4 out of 5]

O cărticică pe atât de subțire, pe atât de plină de înțelepciune. De fiecare dată când îl citesc pe acest maestru zen, e ca și cum în sfârșit aș bea apă rece după o lungă perioadă petrecută în deșert. Textele lui îmi redau pacea interioară și îmi realimentează speranța în omenire de fiecare dată.
În acest volum este vorba, evident, despre iubire, atât cea de sine, cât și cea față de alți oameni sau chiar partenerul de viață. Majoritatea capitolelor mi-au părut ca un fel de remindere a unor idei de bun simț pe care le știm deja, dar deseori le uităm, în timp ce alte capitole, deși scurte, mi-au creat momente de AHA! și m-au făcut să-mi dau seama cât de mult am crescut eu ca persoană în ultimii doi ani.
Îmi place mult felul simplu, la obiect, dar și profund în care scrie Thich Nhat Hanh, așa că voi continua să mai citesc și alte lucrări de-ale sale.

[Meg · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sweet, easy read but pretty redundant

[Yam Herrera · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amar ante todo es una decisión y una práctica

Este libro aunque breve es útil y profundo, una gran opción para la fortalecer la vida en pareja desde la mirada del maestro Zen Thich Nhat Hanh

[Neeraj Chavan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Stumbled upon this book after I read an excerpt of it in an article written on BrainPicker. This is a beautiful book on how to practise mindfulness in love and the relationships of our life. Also, a short and sweet read!

[Bagus · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was given this book by someone I had a crush on who, like Thich Nhat Hanh, is also Vietnamese. The fact that she gave me this book almost sounds like a witty and funny joke by her. Yet I had to admit, I needed a crash course on how to love. Love has been an endless preoccupation of humans since time immemorial. Even the ancient Roman poet Ovid had written an elegy, the much-read “Ars Amatoria” – the art of love – to show how to find a partner circa 2 AD. Now how to love a person?

Thich Nhat Hanh is mainly known, both in Viet Nam and internationally, as a Zen Buddhist monk and a prolific author. Born almost a century ago in Huề, the last imperial capital of Viet Nam, he had been a teacher of mindfulness. Indeed mindfulness occupies the majority of this short book, bringing into being the need to be mindful of our daily activities and our own selves, prior to engaging with other people, which might hinder our relationships in the process due to unsettled problems inside ourselves. I was particularly impressed by some methods he introduced through this short book, such as mindful breathing and deep listening, some of which might be mainstream knowledge in Buddhism, yet the way Thich Nhat Hanh packaged them in relation to “how to love” is insightful.

Accompanied by various illustrations, each short story tells some simple yet rich wisdom for engaging other people and cultivating healthy relationships. The stories are also in some ways about various methods to help us learn more about ourselves (and other people around us), emphasising that each person contains their own undiscovered oceans. Cognisance of his origin as a Vietnamese, some anecdotes from Thich Nhat Hanh also include some Vietnamese wisdoms on how to build relationships with others, i.e. the way Vietnamese address their partners/spouses as “home” – not only as a person to return to but also as someone to help us find a sense of belonging as we navigate the world we live in.