Are You Mad at Me?

by Meg Josephson

From psychotherapist and social media star Meg Josephson, a groundbreaking “cure for chronic people-pleasing” (Adam Grant, #1 New York Times bestselling author) that explores the common survival instinct called fawning and offers “explanations, comfort, and best of all, solutions” (Christie Tate, New York Times bestselling author).

Are you...

- Constantly worried about what people think of you, if they like you, if they’re mad at you?
- Anxious, a perfectionist, or an overachiever?
- Always overextending yourself (and then resentful)?
- Someone who avoids conflict at all costs?
- Fearful of getting into trouble or being seen as “bad”?
- Silencing your needs for the comfort and happiness of everyone else?
- Prone to overexplain or over apologize?
- Eternally obsessing over why someone texted with a period instead of an exclamation point?

Psychotherapist Meg Josephson is here to show you that people-pleasing is not a personality trait. It’s a common survival mechanism known as “fawning”: an instinct often learned in childhood to become more appealing to a perceived threat in order to feel safe. Yet many people are stuck in this way of being for their whole lives. Are You Mad at Me? weaves Josephson’s own moving story with that of fascinating client stories and thought-provoking exercises to show you how to:

- Identify all the roles you might play—from peacekeeper to performer to caretaker to lone wolf to perfectionist to chameleon—that keep you far from yourself.
- Stop fearing your thoughts and emotions, even if they’re unpleasant.
- Rethink conflict and boundaries as an opening for deeper connection.
- Practice “leaning back” in relationships.
- Recognize when people-pleasing is actually necessary (with your chaotic boss) and when it’s not (with your close friends) and stop self-loathing when you slip into old patterns.
- Shift away from the familiar chaos, anxiety, and resentment you’re used to as you move closer to yourself and a life that no longer depletes you—but brings you joy.

With Josephson’s “lucid prose and smart mix of clinical expertise, personal disclosure, and pertinent case studies” (Publishers Weekly), Are You Mad at Me? will help you shed the behaviors that are keeping you stuck in the past so that you can live in your most authentic present.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Audiobook, Mental Health, Relationships, Personal Development

304 pages, Hardcover

First published August 5, 2025

About the author

Meg Josephson, LCSW, is a licensed psychotherapist. In her private practice, she specializes in trauma-informed care through a mindfulness-based, compassion-focused lens. She holds a Master of Social Work from Columbia University, and is a certified meditation teacher through the Nalanda Institute. Meg also shares accessible insights via her social media platforms, reaching over five hundred thousand followers.

Reviews

[Dawn Solaris · Rating 5 out of 5]

★彡 4.5 stars 彡★

“I realized that my body wasn’t a coffin for my pain and unprocessed emotions. It was a vessel for my life”

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈ Ah, would you look at that! A self-help book that actually helps the self.

My experience with most of the books of this kind had been bitter, to say the least. Yes, I’m talking about the same books that, in the name of “advice giving” and “helping to heal” went:

Question: Do you overthink?

Answer: Overthinking = BAD. Don’t overthink.

Question: You’re a people-pleaser?

Answer: Well then, quit people-pleasing. I guess. Up to you, though.

Like, no shit, Sherlock.

I never ask to be spoon-fed the obvious when I pick up a self-help book. I want something that will really, truly help me sit down for some self-reflection. Tell me that people-pleasing isn’t some fun quirk that people pleasers picked up along the way, but actually say the whys and whats in bold.

And this is the kind of book I wish more people read. If the title made you pause and think? Just lean into that curiosity and pick Are You Mad At Me? up.

Read it over all your cumbersome weeks to come and bask in it. You will get what you tapped in for, I promise ~

⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖

⋮ ⌗ ┆ ᏖᎧᎮᎥፈᏕ ᎴᎥᏕፈᏬᏕᏕᏋᎴ ⋮ ⌗ ┆

➳❥ Chronic People-Pleasing

➳❥ Fawning: Defined & Explained

➳❥ Reassurance – Validation

➳❥ Compartmentalisation Of Emotions

➳❥ Fawning & Attachment Styles

➳❥ Working Around Relational Trauma



⊹ ࣪ ﹏𓊝﹏𓂁﹏⊹ ࣪ ˖

⋮ ⌗ ┆ Ꮧ ᏝᎥᏖᏖᏝᏋ ᏰᏒᏋᏗᏦ-ᎴᎧᏇᏁ ⋮ ⌗ ┆

There’s nothing overtly clinical about the way Meg Josephson presented her case. It was done tastefully - the right amount of client anecdotes served hand in hand with the reasonings and possible pathways of healing from there on.

The author, a licensed psychotherapist, explains “chronic people pleasing” to have stemmed from a trauma response that’s seldom talked of, despite being the most common.

When faced with a threat, alongside the regular “flight response” (running away from the threat), “fight response” (being aggressive towards the threat) and the “freeze response” (stopping in your tracks / dissociation from the moment when met with a threat)… there’s also the fawn response:

“But the fawn response? Oooooooh, the fawn response is about becoming more appealing to the threat, being liked by the threat, satisfying the threat, being helpful and agreeable to the threat—so that you can feel safe.”

The reason fawning is less talked about, is attributed to how it’s largely rewarded by the society. Instead of labelling it a trauma response, it’s popularly known to be quite otherwise by everyone. The book talks about this mechanism at length and how it shows itself into many aspects of who we are.

Something rather interesting the author does is show her readers the many angles through which people-pleasing can be perceived.

And of course, the many different forms fawning can manifest into:

ˋ°•*⁀➷ The Peacekeeper ✰ The Performer ✰ The Care-Taker ✰ The Chameleon ✰ The Lone Wolf ✰ The Perfectionist ✰

Besides that, I love how much thought she put into each nugget of wisdom in Are You Mad At Me? and how well it worked. Each chapter started with a story that readers will surely relate to.

But the catch here is that, they’re not mere stories. They’re epiphanies, real people have lived through. And that realisation in itself was bracing. Bits and pieces from their thoughts such as:

“The more friends I had, the more people I could upset and disappoint. Too many reactions to manage, too many faces to scan, too many emotions to monitor, too much potential for conflict, and it just felt less exhausting to focus on one relationship at a time, one face at a time.”

To show just how funnily the brain is wired, the extent to which it goes just to avoid conflict.

Or:

“This time, I’ll win. This time, I’ll be enough for them, and it’ll fix all the pain I felt from the original, hurtful relationship.”

To show how the mind is still locked onto that idea of “keeping up the fawning to remain safe” despite there being no threat in sight.

Another hilarious (quite the opposite) new revelation this book can bring forth for many, is the “traitorous body” syndrome called that in layman’s terms, that being mine (naur, not in the way you romantasy girlies are thinking, sadly):

“On the flip side, anything that’s unfamiliar to the body—like setting a boundary, saying no, speaking up, being with someone who’s emotionally stable—is going to feel dangerous, because it’s completely new. ”

That being said, your body and your mind will refuse to accept changes of this sort. Meaning, the way to healing is done in soft and slow steps.

This was interesting to know because one of the biggest strengths of this book lays in the fact that it’s brilliant at answering all the questions you may have going into it.

Also, you know how the book ends?

“Let’s be real. Once you put this book down, you’re going to fawn when you don’t need to be fawning. You’re going to emotionally react instead of consciously respond. You’re going to fall into an overthinking spiral and ask for reassurance that people are not mad at you. You’re going to overexplain yourself and then feel embarrassed.”

The author is too smart for her own good •⩊•

»»——★ fιnαℓ тнσυgнтѕ ★——««

➳ All in all, this book was worth it.

I have zero complaints.

Consider it recommended if the title made you wince the first time you read it.

｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡｡･ﾟ♡ﾟ･｡

[Linden · Rating 4 out of 5]

Josephson discusses people pleasing not as a personality trait but as a response to trauma. She calls it fawning: fear of making people angry, fear of being disliked, fear of setting boundaries. Being nice, she tells us, is not the same as being compassionate. If someone asks you to do something you don’t want to do, it’s OK to say no, even though you think you must agree to “be nice.” Compassion is being sensitive to others. Nice is about someone’s perception of you. She reminds us that “true empathy requires boundaries” because “empathy without boundaries can easily become self-betrayal.” Thanks to Edelweiss and the publisher for the ARC.

[Maria]

have never pre ordered something this fast

[Delaney]

One big YES!!! I don’t think I’ve ever felt so seen & understood by a book… like actually maybe ever.

[Monica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t even talk about it. Just read this if you’re a people pleaser, and be ready for the pain that comes with healing.

[Chloe Liese · Rating 5 out of 5]

There's lots of (great) literature out there on codependence, but this feels like the best kind of upgrade on that topic: a broader, more whole-system approach to why we fawn and how we actually learn to stop doing it. Thoughtful, confessional, wise, compassionate, ARE YOU MAD AT ME is an equal parts confronting and comforting, brutally honest and hopeful, practical and practicable exploration of fawning, codependence, and self-abandoning coping mechanisms. Anyone trying to figure out how to break that cycle, to feel safe in turning inward and starting to heal the hurts that lead us to learn to live so lost to ourselves, our hearts, our own needs, this is where to start.

“The scared part isn't something to get rid of; it's a part of you that's starving for love and acceptance. If you don't soothe that inner voice, the need to soothe and protect it will never go away.”

“Moving forward isn't synonymous with "getting over it" or shoving aside your emotions. It means allowing yourself to see and hold the pain in ways that you wish the other person could. It means moving forward while feeling the loss. It's not getting over the loss so that you can move forward; it's moving forward with the feeling of loss, soothing it whenever it arises.”

[Lucy Nalen · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sacred text. This book instantly improved my life and I know I’ll be coming back to it time and time again.

[Kelsey S · Rating 5 out of 5]

▹TL;DR Review: I highly recommend not waiting until 2 days before it’s due to your library to start this…you’ll want time to sit with the words. This book made me want to get a therapist again just so I could talk about how much it made me feel.

▹My ⭐ Rating: ★★★★.5 out of 5
▹Format: 📱 eReader
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○★○ What to Expect from This Book: ○★○

– About: A trauma-informed self-help book by psychotherapist Meg Josephson that explores fawning—a survival response often learned in childhood where people try to appease or please others to feel safe—and offers tools to stop chronic people-pleasing and live more authentically. Through Josephson’s own story, client case studies, and practical exercises, it teaches readers to recognize patterns, rethink conflict and boundaries, and move toward joy instead of anxiety.
– Tropes: self-help, people-pleasing, fawning, anxiety, reassurance-seeking, boundary setting, emotional regulation
– Content warning: growing up in a household where you have to either be a perfectionist, a peacekeeper, a caretaker, or a chameleon. Nothing graphic, but some readers might find the examples triggering if not properly healed
– Representation: people (especially women) who feel the need to people please in order to be loved or liked

─────────────────────────

★○ If You Like the Following, You Might Like This Book ○★

➼ Works by Brené Brown and Gretchen Rubin
➼ Redefining what it means to be “good” and equating that with the approval of others
➼ A mix of clinical, personal stories, and actionable steps

─────────────────────────

🎯 My Thoughts:

Oops. I waited too long to read this once I had it from the library and this is not a QUICK read despite the shorter number of pages. This was healing and heavy. It deserves and requires patience and time to digest the message.

Like many self-help books, it uses familiar structures, which can feel gimmicky to some readers — though here it mostly felt sincere rather than performative. People who are skeptical of fawning as a trauma framework may disagree with much of the book.

That said, this author is a licensed therapist. It is one way of thinking that might be just the right pairing of phrases that speaks to someone that needs this as a stepping-stone on their healing journey—which I think is a beautiful thing. Whether or not you’re into defining survival responses or attributing them to our every-day situations, I felt that this book was compassionate and practical vs. trendy or attention seeking for the sake of sales.

I hadn’t read much about fawning before. I related very much. It also breaks out personality types based on childhood experiences and gave actionable items to help retrain our brain's default defense mechanism.

My only issue: while I think it’s true that much of our psyche is built on how we were raised and the environment in which we grew up in, I feel like this book places whole importance on that. While I don’t read the book as excusing harm or assigning fault, it sometimes felt heavily weighted toward childhood explanations, and I personally wanted more emphasis on present-day agency alongside that context.

BUT it felt like a great way to open up conversation with your own experiences and could give you great talking points to then bring to your therapist.

Would I recommend?: Unless you HATE self-help books or think psychology isn’t important (please leave this safe space if you think that), I 10000000% recommend this book. I just recommend reading it over the course of a few weeks vs. a few days…

_______________________
Pre-read thoughts: Dawn influenced me to do it.

[Danni · Rating 4 out of 5]

damn this book felt like someone reached into my chest, gently untangled all the invisible threads of anxiety, and whispered, “YOU'RE NOT BROKEN YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO FEEL SAFE!" I flew through this book in one sitting.

if you’ve ever spent hours spiraling over a short text, if “did I do something wrong?” is a question that lives rent-free in your head, or if you constantly overextend yourself to make sure everyone else is okay this book is for you. It helped me name things I’ve struggled with forever, especially the way I silence my own needs to avoid conflict, disappointment, or just the feeling of being “too much.”

the doesn’t just explain why we fall into people-pleasing or perfectionism, she shows how these are often trauma responses, specifically fawning. but instead of making me feel ashamed for these patterns, she gave me language, tools, and compassion. her insights into the roles we play (like caretaker, peacekeeper, performer) made me feel so seen. And the way she redefines boundaries not as walls, but as bridges to real connection shifted something in me. this book felt like a warm hand on your back, a guide to finally letting yourself be you, without apology. I know I’ll carry the lessons from this for a long time.

if you’re someone who’s always felt like you’re walking on eggshells, trying not to disappoint, always wondering, “Are you mad at me?” this will feel like coming up for air. Read it. Let it soften you. Let it set you free.

4.5 ⭐️❤️
Thank you so much Gallery Books for my personal arc!

[Nafisa King · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some books land on your bookshelf. Others land in your nervous system.

Are You Mad at Me? by Meg Josephson did both for me. It’s not just a guide out of people-pleasing. It’s a roadmap out of the old places inside us where we were taught that our needs don’t matter. It’s brave, clear, compassionate, and deeply liberating.

Right from the start, Josephson reframes the question so many of us carry: Why do I constantly worry about what others think? She introduces the concept of fawning, a trauma response where we move toward perceived threat by pleasing, appeasing, and anticipating others’ needs to feel safe. This isn’t just a personality quirk; it’s a survival strategy many of us learned in childhood when love, safety, or approval felt conditional.

Josephson writes:
“Fawning has been necessary for People of Color (POC) to survive in a society where white people have long been the gatekeepers…”
This is so true. For many People of Color, “people-pleasing” isn’t just about wanting to be liked; it’s tied to safety, access, and the historical reality that gatekeepers have held power over education, employment, housing, and even basic dignity. In that context, fawning becomes a learned adaptation, a way to navigate spaces where assertiveness or authenticity could invite punishment, rejection, or danger. It’s a reminder that what gets labeled as “too accommodating” or “too agreeable” often has roots in intergenerational trauma and lived experience.


“Most people pleasers were “parent pleasers” first.”
That line landed in my body because it made something I’ve long felt, but never named click into place. I wasn’t just trying to be the “good kid” or the overachiever; I was trying to be the stabilizer in a home where my performance felt tied to emotional weather patterns. The need to excel, to get perfect grades, to anticipate every expectation wasn’t really about praise. It was about preventing chaos. It was about believing that if I didn’t slip, maybe a parent wouldn’t pick up a bottle, or explode, or spiral. Perfection wasn’t ambition, it was protection......a way to control the uncontrollable, to keep the peace, and to make myself as small and unproblematic as possible so I didn’t become the reason for someone else’s meltdown. When Josephson says most people pleasers were parent pleasers first, it isn’t metaphorical. It’s literal. It’s the child learning to read the room before they can read words, and mistaking survival skills for personality traits.

There’s a passage that held a mirror up to parts of me I barely understood:
“She was a parentified child… She feels like she has to do everything on her own and struggles to ask for help… Sophie got the message that she could receive love and attention by alleviating other people’s stress.”

I felt like someone had finally spoken the language of something I’d carried for decades without words.

Josephson doesn’t just identify these responses. She takes you into the grief beneath them:
"It’s a feeling of I want to go home when you’re in your own family’s house… letting go of the hope for a childhood, a family, a parent relationship that you didn’t have but deeply wanted.”

“There’s grief in realizing… you are your caregiver’s emotional support system but they won’t or can’t be the same for you.”

This book opens the door to places you didn’t know you needed to visit. And it validates that grief is as real and as necessary as it is a part of healing.

“All the years you’ve spent fawning weren’t time wasted.” One line changed the tone of my inner dialogue from self-reproach to self-recognition. Josephson reframes survival behaviors not as flaws, but as adaptations once necessary, and now ready to be understood rather than reviled.

I also want to recommend the audiobook version, not just as a practical choice but as an emotional experience, because it’s read by Meg Josephson herself. Her voice carries warmth, steadiness, and lived insight that made the material resonate even more. And the audiobook concludes with a guided meditation that feels like a gentle exhale after decades of holding your breath. It’s perfectly timed and deeply grounding, a gift to your nervous system after the intensity of the content.

I will be honest: When I reached the last page, or the last guided breath, I genuinely felt a kind of loss. Not melodrama. Not exaggeration. Something raw and tender, like saying goodbye to a friend who saw you when no one else did.

Are You Mad at Me? stirred something in me... a willingness to look at my own patterns with curiosity rather than shame, to sit with discomfort rather than flee from it, to begin the work of showing up for myself in tangible ways. That’s not just insight. That’s transformation.

I'll be reading this one every year.

Five stars isn’t enough. This book is a companion for the lifetime, a gentle yet powerful invitation to stop surviving and start being.

[🌺 Hannah 🌺 (very busy) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you so much to Galley Books and author Meg Josephson for an ARC of this in exchange for an honest review.

As someone who recently started going back to school to work toward my MSW, I found this book both incredibly informative and validating. It’s a great refresher for those of us already in or entering the social work field or any helping profession, really. I also think it would be a valuable and accessible read for anyone looking to better understand their own mental health.

The book covers some heavier topics, so I definitely recommend taking your time and reading at your own pace. Take care of yourself while diving into it - it’s worth it! ❤️

[Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read through this one quickly -- the writing style is easy to grasp and it's got a lot of thoughtful and practical content that can really help those who "fawn" to feel more empowered to set boundaries, regulate emotions, and begin a healing journey. It's an approachable book, and that feels appropriate for the topic. The book leans heavily on healing old wounds, often those we tend to see created in/by our "family of origin" (ie parents), but there is some evidence that peers have an equally strong influence on us, and I didn't quite see that fleshed out as much. (Of course, not every book can do everything so take the preceding content with a grain of salt.)

I think this would be a great fit for a public library collection!

This following comment is neither negative nor positive, just a preference: I needed a bit more data or research to support some of the claims. Obviously, the writer is a therapist, not a researcher/professor/academic and the aim of this book is to learn how to effectively feel emotions instead of thinking through them (yes, I did feel a bit called out on that, lol) ... even so, as a reader, I needed a little bit scholarship.

[Chris St Laurent · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh yes I have people pleasing tendencies and avoid conflict (I really don’t like how it makes me feel), this has not served me well. People pleasing is a defense mechanism, it helps keep us safe and think we are in control, they tend to over think gosh I have that too🤨. Well this book gives practical ways to change your behavior and understand why it happened in the first place. Oh the things the human mind will do to keep us safe. I found this book informative and helpful.

[Evan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was afraid someone would be mad at me if I *didn't* give it 5 stars.

(But seriously, it was great.)

[dev · Rating 4 out of 5]

For a people pleaser, the day you find out that not everyone is walking around on a daily basis worried if people are mad at them is a day your entire world is thrown off of its axis. When I found that out I was genuinely shocked — what do you mean normal people don’t hear other people talking in the next room and immediately think it’s about them, listening for their name… what do you mean normal people don’t get so nauseatingly anxious at the idea of confronting a friend with something they’ve done that hurts their feelings & instead stew on it until it causes them to blow up… what do you mean not every message from their boss wanting to set up a meeting unprompted or “talk” about something causes a pit in their stomach and it’s all they can think about until it’s over…

Even as a girl who has learned to stand up for herself in the professional sense out of sheer necessity, not only does that not preempt me from the physical effects (nausea, sweating, shaking, crying) of going against what my mind/body want (keeping the peace), but it also does not mean I take that mentality with me into my personal life. I am much more likely to let someone walk all over me at home than at my job (or god forbid, strangers — those I have no issue telling off). I let offenses go until they stack up so high I can’t see the good in our relationship over them and I explode. I choose to stay silent, because to me, a single confrontation could ruin the entire relationship and I am deeply terrified of that possibility.

What really got me were the different situations presented in the book of childhood experiences that led to this trauma and “fawning.” They were almost dead on what my childhood was like, to the point where I wonder if she has been spying on me. It’s like she ripped it right out of my brain.

It’s something that I have been thinking about for ages, and wanting to change. But it’s hard to change your body & mind’s natural instinct to fawn, as outlined in this book. It is going to take a lot of work for me to unlearn those habits, but at least now I can connect the why to the actions.

I really love the way this book was framed, she makes it so easy to understand but isn’t super preachy like so many other “self-help” books are. I think it helps that she lived through the exact same situation and doesn’t hesitate to refer to her own stories as examples. To me, it makes the book seem more like you’re talking to a friend (that has a social work degree). I also loved to see the intersectionality of the book — she references the different reality POC live than white people, and that women live than men, which leads to differing levels and causes for fawning. In a country that is currently rejecting the idea that POC live a different, more difficult, life than white people, it was so refreshing to see it acknowledged in this book by a healthcare professional.

Thank you to Gallery Books and the author, Meg Josephson for allowing me to read an advanced copy of this book through Netgalley.

[jocelyn • coolgalreading · Rating 5 out of 5]

i've needed this book my whole life

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I first heard of this book, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it. Once it finally arrived (yes, I pre-ordered it), I was a bit disappointed at the beginning. Yes, it was saying things I connected with, but the book had a lot of its content stemming out of parental relationships. I'm sure there's definitely a group of people that this would appeal to, but personally, I didn't feel that's where a lot of my fawning stems from. Towards the middle and end of the book is where I really started to connect, and there were a few various points where I had to put the book down and think because I realized I do ALL of these things
So all in all, while not all of the book applied to me (which I should've realized at the beginning, but alas, this is my first self-help, therapy-type book), I did get a good deal out of it and would recommend!

[C · Rating 5 out of 5]

The extent to which this book absolutely clocked my tea cannot be overstated. It got to a point where it was genuinely unnerving how on the money this was.

So interesting to learn that I’ve never had an original thought.

Ever.

Not once.

In a quarter of a century.





K.

[The Bookish Elf · Rating 5 out of 5]

In a world where people-pleasing has become so normalized it's almost considered a virtue, psychotherapist Meg Josephson delivers a groundbreaking exploration of what lies beneath our chronic need for approval. "Are You Mad at Me?" isn't just another self-help book about setting boundaries—it's a profound examination of survival mechanisms that shape our entire existence, often without our conscious awareness.

Understanding the Hidden Survival Mechanism

Josephson introduces readers to the concept of "fawning," the least discussed of the four trauma responses (fight, flight, freeze, and fawn). Drawing from Pete Walker's pioneering work on complex PTSD, she illuminates how fawning manifests as an unconscious strategy to gain safety through appeasement. What makes this book particularly compelling is Josephson's ability to connect childhood survival strategies to adult relationship patterns with both clinical precision and deeply personal vulnerability.

The author's own journey from chronic people-pleaser to self-aware therapist provides the narrative backbone for this exploration. Her candid revelations about growing up in a household marked by emotional volatility and her father's unpredictable mood swings create an intimate foundation for understanding how fawning develops. Josephson doesn't position herself as someone who has "conquered" these patterns but rather as someone who has learned to recognize and work with them—a refreshingly honest approach that builds immediate trust with readers.

The Six Faces of Fawning

One of the book's greatest strengths lies in Josephson's detailed exploration of different fawning archetypes. Through compelling client stories, she presents six distinct roles people adopt:

The Peacekeeper emerges from high-conflict households where maintaining harmony becomes a survival necessity. These individuals learn that their emotional expression threatens family stability, leading to chronic self-suppression and an inability to tolerate even minor disagreements.

The Performer develops in environments of constant tension, using humor and relentless positivity to regulate others' emotions. Josephson's portrayal of clients who feel perpetually "onstage" resonates deeply, particularly her insight that performers often struggle with authentic relationships because they've lost touch with who they are beneath the entertainment.

The Caretaker represents perhaps the most complex pattern, arising from parentification—when children assume adult responsibilities prematurely. Josephson's analysis of how caretakers develop harsh inner critics and struggle with hyperindependence provides crucial understanding for readers who pride themselves on self-sufficiency while secretly yearning for support.

The remaining archetypes—the Lone Wolf, Perfectionist, and Chameleon—each receive equally nuanced treatment, with Josephson skillfully weaving together psychological theory, personal narrative, and practical application.

Mindfulness Meets Trauma-Informed Therapy

Josephson's integration of Eastern mindfulness practices with Western trauma therapy creates a uniquely accessible healing framework. Her NICER technique (Notice, Invite, Curiosity, Embrace, Return) offers readers a concrete tool for navigating overwhelming emotions without requiring years of meditation experience. This approach particularly shines in her chapter on emotions, where she dismantles the myth that mindfulness equals constant calm.

The author's background as a certified meditation teacher becomes evident in her gentle guidance around sitting with discomfort. She avoids the spiritual bypassing common in many self-help books, instead acknowledging that healing requires facing pain rather than transcending it. Her emphasis on "dipping our toes in discomfort" rather than diving into overwhelming emotional territory demonstrates sophisticated understanding of trauma recovery.

The Body as Battleground and Sanctuary

Josephson's exploration of how fawning affects physical health provides some of the book's most revelatory moments. Her personal account of chronic acid reflux that resolved only after emotional healing offers a compelling example of the mind-body connection. The chapter dedicated to physical manifestations of chronic people-pleasing—from autoimmune conditions to exhaustion—brings necessary attention to how survival mode impacts our entire system.

However, this section occasionally veers toward oversimplification. While the connection between emotional suppression and physical symptoms is well-established, Josephson sometimes presents correlations as causations without sufficient nuance. Her discussion of intergenerational trauma, while fascinating, could benefit from more careful distinction between established research and emerging theories.

Reframing Conflict and Connection

Perhaps the book's most transformative insight concerns conflict avoidance. Josephson argues convincingly that our terror of disagreement often stems from witnessing unresolved ruptures in childhood. Her framework for understanding repair—acknowledging what happened, taking responsibility, and sharing lessons learned—offers a roadmap for healthier relationships.

The distinction she draws between "avoiding conflict" (fear-based) and "avoiding drama" (healthy) provides crucial clarity for readers struggling to determine when engagement is worthwhile. Her exploration of "secondhand fawning"—attempting to control others' behavior to prevent imagined consequences—reveals sophisticated understanding of how trauma responses can extend beyond direct interactions.

Practical Wisdom with Gentle Accountability

Throughout the book, Josephson maintains remarkable balance between compassion and accountability. She validates readers' experiences while gently challenging the stories we tell ourselves about our limitations. Her approach to boundary-setting reframes these conversations as "bids for connection" rather than defensive walls, offering a more relational understanding of self-advocacy.

The author's discussion of "leaning back"—releasing the urge to volunteer, over-function, or prove ourselves—provides particularly practical guidance. Her insight that for chronic fawners, "leaning back" often means simply matching others' energy levels rather than dramatically withdrawing offers realistic recalibration rather than extreme behavioral shifts.

Areas for Deeper Exploration

While Josephson excels at identifying patterns and providing tools, the book occasionally lacks deeper exploration of why certain approaches work. Her integration of Compassion-Focused Therapy concepts could be expanded, particularly around working with inner critics. Additionally, her treatment of cultural and systemic factors, while present, could be more thoroughly woven throughout rather than contained in specific sections.

The book's focus on women's experiences, while valuable, sometimes feels limiting. Male readers might struggle to see themselves in many examples, despite fawning affecting all genders. Similarly, her exploration of how different cultural backgrounds shape people-pleasing patterns could be more comprehensive.

Clinical Expertise Meets Personal Vulnerability

Josephson's credentials as both a licensed psychotherapist and someone who has navigated these patterns personally create unique authority. Her ability to translate complex therapeutic concepts into accessible language without dumbing them down demonstrates mastery of her material. The book avoids both overly clinical language and new-age platitudes, striking a tone that feels professional yet warmly human.

A Necessary Voice in Mental Health Literature

"Are You Mad at Me?" fills a crucial gap in popular psychology literature by naming and addressing patterns that millions experience but rarely understand. Josephson's combination of clinical expertise, personal vulnerability, and practical tools creates a resource that feels both authoritative and deeply human. While the book could benefit from expanded exploration in certain areas, it succeeds brilliantly in its primary mission: helping readers understand that their people-pleasing isn't a character flaw but a survival strategy that can be gently transformed.

This isn't a book about becoming someone new—it's about returning to who you've always been beneath the protective mechanisms. For anyone who has ever felt the exhausting weight of constant approval-seeking, Josephson offers both explanation and hope, wrapped in the kind of compassionate understanding that makes healing possible.

[ash · Rating 5 out of 5]

very informative! would and probably will read again! definitely give a read if you want to learn more about trauma responses, how that impacts you and others around you, and some insight on how to navigate that.

[Katy]

I am pretty sure that Meg wrote this book about me, for me. I’m not a big self-help reader but I’m glad I picked this one up.

[Jessica Webber · Rating 5 out of 5]

I first listened to this on audio and as soon as I finished it, I bought a physical copy so I could go back through and make notes. I can’t begin to explain how much I related to this book.

I had heard the term fawning but wasn’t very clear on the meaning or psychology behind it. Josephson does an excellent job of explaining it and giving examples from some of her clients, which always helps me to better understand.

If you are a chronic people pleaser like me, I highly recommend this book!

[Corrine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Spent the first hour of this audio book fighting for my life wondering how so many ppl could have the same experiences as me?? Spent the remaining 6 hours learning and relearning management techniques for chronic fawning. I will be speaking to my therapist about this. Highly recommend.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Viena no labākajām pašpalīdzības žanra grāmatām, kādas esmu lasījusi - tiešā veidā un skaidri par to, kā izbeigt ‘people pleasing’ un kā atšķetināt to mūsu psihes daļu, kas uztur šo ieradumu dzīvu.

Atceroties teicienu: "Ja tu nevari to izskaidrot vienkārši, tu to nesaproti pietiekami labi," šis ir gadījums, kad autore skaidro gan sarežģītus psihes terminus, gan komplicētus mehānismus ar vieglumu un balstoties savā un klientu pieredzē.

Klausījos gan audio, gan lasīju grāmatu - abi formāti ļāva ieskatīties arī savos ieradumos un prāta konstrukcijās, kuras neļauj piedzīvot autentiskāku un laimīgāku sevi.

“People-pleasing makes us feel safe by allowing us to feel in control of the narrative, of people’s perceptions—all to avoid our own discomfort, to avoid our own emotions, which feel scary to sit with.”

“How close we can get to other people is a direct reflection of how close we are to ourselves.”

“Regardless of your attachment style or how fawning manifests for you, the goal remains the same: to cultivate a sense of internal safety.”

[Jordan Grace Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t say enough good things about this book.

A piece of text from the book that really captures the value is “True deep healing happens when we can widen our capacity to be at home within ourselves, within our relationships, and within the world, all at the same time.”

Read it!! Even if you don’t think you need to.

[Ethan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This goes out to all my girlies who get bumped into then apologize 🙂‍↕️

[Salena · Rating 5 out of 5]

wow. just wow.

[Caitlin]

I love following Meg on social media and can't wait for this book! She always has the most insightful but easy-to-apply advice, so I'm already sure this is going to be my favorite nonfiction read of the year 🥰

[Emily Paska · Rating 4 out of 5]

January book club read!

[Jess Esa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super readable and grounded, I've honestly felt a lot of change in how I interact with others since reading this book. It's a great starting point for unpacking conflict avoidance and people-pleasing tendencies, and it still offers a lot of support for people who've already started the work.