Distancing: How Great Leaders Reframe to Make Better Decisions

by L. David Marquet, Michael A. Gillespie

What if there was a way to instantly see your reality with the clarity of a coach – unencumbered by the baggage of you being you?

In Distancing, bestselling author and former submarine captain David Marquet (Turn the Ship Around!) and psychology professor Michael Gillespie introduce a powerful distancing. This simple but underused superpower lets us step outside ourselves to see with clarity and decide with wisdom.

Through three practices—Be Someone Else, Be Somewhere Else, Be Sometime Else—we adopt the perspective of a coach, view our situation from afar, or become our wiser future self. Each unlocks instant insight, reduces anxiety, and improves judgment.

Blending science, stories, and practical tools, Distancing equips us to rise above ego and emotion, cut through bias, and make choices we’ll be proud of—in leadership, in life, and for the long term.

Genres: Nonfiction, Business, Management, Audiobook, Self Help

204 pages, Kindle Edition

Published August 12, 2025

About the author

David Marquet imagines a ​world where everyone engages and contributes their full intellectual capacity, a place where people are healthier and happier because they have more control over their work–a place where everyone is a leader.

David is the bestselling author of Turn the Ship Around!, the Turn the Ship Around Workbook, and the #1 new release Leadership is Language. Fortune magazine called Turn the Ship Around! the “best how-to manual anywhere for managers on delegating, training, and driving flawless execution.”

Turn folldsowers into leaders - www.davidmarquet.com
Learn about Intent-Based Leadership - www.intentbasedleadership.com
Enroll for your free 1-min leadership nudges - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCM6P...

Reviews

[Jamie Bowen · Rating 3 out of 5]

A bit of a disappointment. There was nothing really revolutionary in here, although it was a good reminder of why I do certain things to give me distance from my decision making and to see things from a different perspective.

[Helen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Learnt a new word - illeism. Not sure a word warrants a book!

[Divyesh Sheth · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book explains how one can make better decisions by distancing ourselves from the current situation and reevaluate situation from far and get to better decision. Author talks about three types of distancing techniques to make better decisions. The book lacks guidance on when these techniques are necessary as it is clear not all situations need distancing.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book for personal and professional development. I learnt a lot. It was very well written with lots of examples from different walks of life. Highly recommended. Thank you to the author. Thank you to #netgalley and the publisher for an ARC.

[Brian S. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Notes:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Constru...

Author's quotes from Econtalk podcast
https://www.econtalk.org/learning-to-...
On Jeff Bezos's decision to quite his job to start Amazon:

Yeah. He asked his boss. He says, 'Hey, I got this idea to sell books on the Internet.' So, this is back in 1994. And, his boss says, 'Well, I think that's a great idea for someone who doesn't already have a good job.' But then, his boss counseled him and said, 'Hey, why don't you go take the weekend and think about it?' And so, over the weekend--well, he was basically by himself thinking about it--this is how he frames his way of thinking about it: He thought about himself as an 80-year-old thinking back to the situation in the day.

And, he talks about it. He says, 'I was going to get a big bonus. I had to pay rent.' And, when you're way out there--the way we describe it in the book is: you today are your practical self. You have all these conflicting things going on in your life that you got to try and balance. So, you're making compromises. When you strip all that away and just go way out, you say, 'When I'm 80, what do I really wish I'd done?' You become your ideal self. You look at it from the perspective of: what are my real values? And, it's easier then to say, 'You know what? Yeah, I might have trouble with my rent. I might have to go to a smaller place or whatever,' but at the end of your life, you'll have fewer regrets, and you'll be happier to live a bigger, fuller life because of that.

On Andrew Grove, Gordon Moore, and Intel:

Yeah, so we all know Intel. We all know that they make microprocessors, but that's not how they started. They started with memory chips. And so, Grove and Moore in the 1960s started building this company, and they did extremely well, as we know, and they grew the company up. And then, by the time the 1980s came along, memory chips were being commoditized, and there were competitive squeezes from mainly the Asian manufacturers who were doing better on both price and, frankly, quality.

At the same time, they had this little tiny product called the 4004 Microprocessor. And so, now we're in the early 1980s, and they can't make enough of these things. But it's a minute part of the company, and it wasn't what the company was started with.

And so, Grove and Moore are going back and forth for a year about what they should do with the company. And, any external observer would look and say, 'Well, that's obvious. You need to throw it all in on the microprocessor.' But, that's not what they did. They kind of debated, and they debated, and debated about it. And, Grove talks about it in his book, and he says, 'We were memory chips. Our identity was linked to memory chips. Intel was memory chips.' And so, they were at this impasse.

One day, a year into this stasis, they're in a meeting, just the two of them. And, Grove describes, he's looking out the window. So, there's sort of this distance perspective. He talks about seeing flags off in the distance. And, he looks at Moore, and he says, 'If we got fired and we got replaced, and the board brought in new people to run the company, what would those new people do?' And immediately Moore says, 'They would shift over to microprocessors.'

[ROLLAND Florence · Rating 5 out of 5]

This would be an excellent book for anyone who wants to learn how to make better decisions - as a person, and not just as a manager.

What makes the book so good?

1. The writing style is clear and straight to the point. This is probably the result of very careful editing (on top of good writing skills from the authors). It makes "Distancing" very easy to read.

2. All the points mentioned in the book are illustrated with striking real life examples. A large number of industries and cultures are leveraged to show that the method is universal and would work across cultures and industries. You will read a great deal of anecdotes about nuclear submarines (the specialty of one of the authors), but also acting, sports, chip manufacturing... This makes for an entertaining read.

3. All the points are backed with academic research. One of the authors is a psychology researcher, and it shows. On top of referencing widely available books, the authors are also diving into research articles, state of the art knowledge in cognitive science, and so on. Too many self-help books are not evidence based. "Distancing" is not one of them. You will find all the references neatly arranged in the notes at the end.

4. The presented method is immediately actionable. You do not need a lot of time. You do not need to attend expensive workshops. You do not need to be a manager. There are even exercises in the book that you can try right away (I suggest you pause your reading and do them, without waiting for the right moment).

5. This is a rather short book. You can make the time and read it, even if you are not a voracious reader. Don't get me wrong, I have no issues with reading 1000+ pages doorstoppers myself. But this is the kind of "short, sweet, efficient" book that I would happily gift to my reports at work. High value, low time investment!

Thank you #NetGalley and Portfolio / Penguin for the ARC.

[Darya · Rating 4 out of 5]

Timely, thoughtful, and empowering book that delivers a powerful message: to make wiser decisions, we must learn to step outside ourselves. Written by leadership expert and former U.S. Navy Captain David Marquet, alongside psychologist Michael Gillespie, this book artfully blends neuroscience, behavioral psychology, and leadership insight to present a simple yet transformative idea—become your own coach through psychological distancing.
From the start, Marquet and Gillespie challenge the often-repeated mantra to “be fully present.” Instead, they advocate for a counterintuitive yet deeply impactful approach: distancing ourselves from the emotional immediacy of the moment to gain objectivity and clarity. Through three core strategies—self-distancing, spatial distancing, and temporal distancing—the authors guide readers to view their decisions through a wiser, broader lens. Each technique is made practical with well-researched examples, from everyday life choices to high-stakes business decisions.
The authors turn complex cognitive science into actionable tools, supported by real-life cases and reflection exercises that invite readers to apply the ideas immediately. Whether you're a leader navigating team dynamics, a professional facing career crossroads, or simply someone aiming to reduce daily anxiety, this book offers grounded, empowering strategies for clear and courageous thinking. Ultimately, it’s a guide to becoming more self-aware, less reactive, and more intentional in every area of life.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve enjoyed L. David Marquet’s other writing, and Distancing was another worthwhile read. The book focuses on how to step back from situations in order to make better decisions. Marquet introduces three practices—Be Someone Else, Be Somewhere Else, Be Sometime Else—which help you shift perspective by adopting the role of a coach, viewing the situation from afar, or imagining your wiser future self. Each practice offers a way to reduce anxiety, unlock insight, and improve judgment.

I’m not sure if it was intentional, but the approach felt very Stoic to me. By separating yourself from the emotions of the moment, you can make a more logical, rational choice rather than reacting impulsively. The three techniques provide a solid framework for creating that distance in different contexts.

It’s a concise book, but a useful one—easy to read and easy to apply. If you’ve liked Marquet’s other work, this is a thoughtful addition with practical takeaways.

[Niko Antushevich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Distancing is a clear, actionable guide for becoming less reactive and more intentional in decision-making. By using techniques like imagining yourself as someone else, viewing a situation from afar, or asking what your future self would want, the book gives tools to see past emotion, ego, and immediate pressure. It’s filled with stories, psychology, and practices I can actually use in my life. Highly recommended if you want to make decisions you’ll look back on without regret.

[Michael · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this book to be an excellent summary of an important concept of personal leadership and that is considering the ability to step away from the moment to gain perspective. The ideas are not new but they are well presented with good examples in a simple framework. It’s an easy read, and I would encourage this book for any young professional to add to their personal toolbox.

[Edward Silverman · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a quick but easily digestible read. What I liked about it were the concise examples and suggestions of how to implement distancing in my own life. I can’t wait to start applying these. Highly recommend this book.

[Jodie · Rating 3 out of 5]

A little bit repetitive. The lessons were useful but could have been said in 100 pages.

[Michael Hrabak · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short book, but I really enjoyed thsi book and the principles leaders should try to "jump-start" their teams and organizations.