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The Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss
If you’ve found yourself almost inconsolable after your pet died, please know that you’re normal.
If you’ve found that your family and friends don’t seem to understand the level of your grief, please know that, too, is normal.
Without comparing our relationships with our pets to those with people, we know that, because of the unique emotional relationships we have with our pets, their deaths produce a level of pain that is difficult to describe.
If you relate to any or all of these sentences, this book is for you.
We have been there and most probably will be there again. We will be with you on this journey to help your heart deal with the absence of your cherished companion.
—Russell, Cole, and John
Your relationship with your pet is special—it’s a bond that is very different than those that human beings share with each other. When a beloved pet passes away, people often resort to incorrect mechanisms to deal with the grief, such as trying to move too quickly past the loss (dismissing the real impact), or even attempting to replace the pet immediately. However, these are merely two myths out of six that the authors discuss and dismantle in The Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss. Based on the authors’ Grief Recovery Method®, this book addresses how losing a pet is different from losing a human loved one, and ultimately, how to move on with life.
If you’ve found that your family and friends don’t seem to understand the level of your grief, please know that, too, is normal.
Without comparing our relationships with our pets to those with people, we know that, because of the unique emotional relationships we have with our pets, their deaths produce a level of pain that is difficult to describe.
If you relate to any or all of these sentences, this book is for you.
We have been there and most probably will be there again. We will be with you on this journey to help your heart deal with the absence of your cherished companion.
—Russell, Cole, and John
Your relationship with your pet is special—it’s a bond that is very different than those that human beings share with each other. When a beloved pet passes away, people often resort to incorrect mechanisms to deal with the grief, such as trying to move too quickly past the loss (dismissing the real impact), or even attempting to replace the pet immediately. However, these are merely two myths out of six that the authors discuss and dismantle in The Grief Recovery Handbook for Pet Loss. Based on the authors’ Grief Recovery Method®, this book addresses how losing a pet is different from losing a human loved one, and ultimately, how to move on with life.
168 pages, Paperback
First published December 9, 2014
78 people are currently reading
213 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews
March 24, 2022
Friedman, James & James are the foremost experts on how to handle the emotion of grief & they are the creators of the Grief Recovery Method. Recovering from the loss (or losses) of a pet is complicated because
1) it's hard to talk about.
2) our culture does not understand grief at all
The relationship we have with our pets is such a deep bond. And to lose it hurts so deeply. They gave us unconditional love. This experience of a deeply bonding relationship is compounded by our experience of their suffering in their final days and- in my case- having to go through with the painful decision to euthanize. These final pictures of suffering can fill your mind with distressing images- these images need to be reconciled in order to heal from it. The painful emotions of missing them - when acknowledged- allows us to heal (burying the emotions does not)
This book helped me to understand my emotions. In the beginning there was shock- followed by numbness- with intermittent emotional pain, sadness and missing them (we had to let go of both of our dogs at the same time, both were suffering, one from cancer that was getting worse. But they were able to pass on together. )
It takes time to recover but this has been a good starting point.
(I will note that doing the worksheets is too much for a grief stricken brain but if too much time passes & there is still considerable grief, I would recommend it.)
1) it's hard to talk about.
2) our culture does not understand grief at all
The relationship we have with our pets is such a deep bond. And to lose it hurts so deeply. They gave us unconditional love. This experience of a deeply bonding relationship is compounded by our experience of their suffering in their final days and- in my case- having to go through with the painful decision to euthanize. These final pictures of suffering can fill your mind with distressing images- these images need to be reconciled in order to heal from it. The painful emotions of missing them - when acknowledged- allows us to heal (burying the emotions does not)
This book helped me to understand my emotions. In the beginning there was shock- followed by numbness- with intermittent emotional pain, sadness and missing them (we had to let go of both of our dogs at the same time, both were suffering, one from cancer that was getting worse. But they were able to pass on together. )
It takes time to recover but this has been a good starting point.
(I will note that doing the worksheets is too much for a grief stricken brain but if too much time passes & there is still considerable grief, I would recommend it.)
October 14, 2019
I knew I was in trouble when I read the dedication -- a plea to give money to a specific charity. Hitting me up for money as soon as I crack open a book about dealing with pet deaths?
It doesn't stop there. This book is bascailly a 200 (or so) page long advertisement for some grief system workshop or meeting-group thingy. There's also a section written by a pet cemetery and crematorium. At least I think so. I gave up about page 50.
There were plenty of other things wrong with those first 50 pages, but I am getting upset remembering them, so I'm just going to stop this now.
It doesn't stop there. This book is bascailly a 200 (or so) page long advertisement for some grief system workshop or meeting-group thingy. There's also a section written by a pet cemetery and crematorium. At least I think so. I gave up about page 50.
There were plenty of other things wrong with those first 50 pages, but I am getting upset remembering them, so I'm just going to stop this now.
November 25, 2020
A painful book to get through due to its very nature but ultimately helpful and reassuring. My one critique is the frequent use of the pronoun "it" to describe a pet. This isn't a table or a sock we are grieving but a sentient creature that deserve a more accurate pronoun.
August 12, 2016
I have so much guilt associated with Daisy's illness and subsequent death that I felt like I needed to find a way to deal with all of these emotions in a healthy way. I came across this book and, while extremely repetitive, it was helpful in getting me to think about the things associated with Daisy that felt unfinished. I was able to identify the things I needed to apologize to her for, I thought about some of the negative things I needed to forgive her for (there were only a few), and finally, I allowed myself to think fondly about her most endearing personality traits (there were so many!). While this book was brief and redundant in many places, it did accomplish its goal of helping me feel like my relationship with her is finally complete.
February 18, 2016
Very helpful suggestions for moving through loss and letting go. Comforting to have this, because pets become part of our hearts and our families, yet their lives are so much shorter than ours...
October 27, 2024
This book helped me complete my grieving process about my cat Olly. However the book is extremely redundant, those parts could have been summarized into shorter passages. And the first sections of this book were talking about who they were, what other books they wrote or the specific programs they helped with grieving people, and it felt very gimmicky. But this book reflects that of any sort of workshop. They set you up slowly, sometimes painfully slow or rehash the same wording, and then lead into it nearly half way or more into the lecture, in this case on how to forgive, apologize and move on to complete the healing process of your loss. I cried. I did find closure. But it wasn't the best read and not all of the passages were for me. Some of it was very hand holding, as I've been through this process before. And it felt like baby talk in parts.
When I finally said my peace that they expected me to write down, I ended up saying out loud instead following some guidelines they shared with examples of their goodbye letters. Besides that they also talk about the correct ways of others handling loss, and the incorrect ways we are taught to hide our sadness and grief. I did appreciate them discussing that, despite constantly saying the same things over and over. It made me feel like this book should have been under 100 pages instead of the 147, some of which I skipped because it didn't concern me like with ashes, graves, etc that came at the end of the book.
Read this if you truly are lost and need to find closure. And take your time, don't rush it. I see you and I understand your pain. Your emotions are valid.
When I finally said my peace that they expected me to write down, I ended up saying out loud instead following some guidelines they shared with examples of their goodbye letters. Besides that they also talk about the correct ways of others handling loss, and the incorrect ways we are taught to hide our sadness and grief. I did appreciate them discussing that, despite constantly saying the same things over and over. It made me feel like this book should have been under 100 pages instead of the 147, some of which I skipped because it didn't concern me like with ashes, graves, etc that came at the end of the book.
Read this if you truly are lost and need to find closure. And take your time, don't rush it. I see you and I understand your pain. Your emotions are valid.
December 13, 2024
I'm not one for self help books but I saw this in our vets office and thought why not have it lying around in case I wanted to dive in. A month after loss, I jumped in and devoured this. Mostly I appreciate how much they emphasize how normal everything is. There were some activities that I felt were incredibly beneficial, and even one I don't feel ready to do but feel okay with that. If you're looking to read this book and think by the end you'll "be over" your loss that is not what this is. This was a guide to steps of understanding your grief and some steps of picking the thorns out of your heart. I appreciated the book and am glad to have read it.
September 23, 2022
Excellent Advice and Support
Having just lost a beloved dog that helped cement my relationship with my other half and grieving over her loss with great guilt and severe emotional pain, I saw this book suggested in various forums. I read it rapidly over the course of a few hours with great relief. The process outlined in the book was unwittingly begun by myself and I will now have the tools to finish my completion process to make daily life less painful. Being able to feel assured that my pain is not the only way to stay connected to the best dog I have ever owned has been freeing and having some tools to handle my crushing guilt has been very productive. The loss is no less sad, but the painful aspect is much improved. I should add that I am a lifelong animal lover who has been forced to say goodbye to many, many pets and who has never felt the kind of pain this loss caused me. This was a very big help to me as someone in new territory despite having owned pets all my life.
Having just lost a beloved dog that helped cement my relationship with my other half and grieving over her loss with great guilt and severe emotional pain, I saw this book suggested in various forums. I read it rapidly over the course of a few hours with great relief. The process outlined in the book was unwittingly begun by myself and I will now have the tools to finish my completion process to make daily life less painful. Being able to feel assured that my pain is not the only way to stay connected to the best dog I have ever owned has been freeing and having some tools to handle my crushing guilt has been very productive. The loss is no less sad, but the painful aspect is much improved. I should add that I am a lifelong animal lover who has been forced to say goodbye to many, many pets and who has never felt the kind of pain this loss caused me. This was a very big help to me as someone in new territory despite having owned pets all my life.
January 25, 2016
This book was a big help to me as I worked through my feelings after losing a beloved dog and cat within 2 days of each other. I am still having trouble moving on but I do feel that this book helped me a great deal.
January 20, 2021
I was not inconsolable at the passing of our cat. Sad, weary, sensitive, and many other feelings, but I trust that those who provide guidance will have something useful to help. I trust that such help will help navigate the grief and the practical that needs interpretation during the grief.
This book spends much time on normalizing pet loss grief, which may be nice for some, but was unnecessary for me. My friends, family, and coworkers get it, so I’m already grateful for that.
The book shares some methods to process some feelings in a manner that attempts to prevent them from festering and re-emerging in non-meaning. It even helps to process some practical things such as dealing with the dispensation of pet personal items (food dishes, toys, leashes, blankets etc.). The authors provide support for keeping, disposing, and retaining for later while respecting the importance of keeping something while not enshrining all of your pet’s possessions.
In all, they do a good job of providing some handholds and stepping stones for thinking through things.
If there were anything to add or improve, I would add some words on cleaning up. They do talk of cleaning up, but it is for the aforementioned possessions. When I thought of “cleaning up”, I was thinking of the more immediate, the last day kind of things, the soiled blankets and towels, the physical aftermath of things that you may not yet want to call “cleaning” up.
In fact in the end I set aside these items for a week and referred to it not as cleaning up—as though I were washing away my cat’s presence—but as a restoration before his urn returns home.
Anyhow, the book was helpful, skimmable where needed and especially helpful for someone for whom pet grief is not yet normal or for those who need to put a name to tasks at hand.
This book spends much time on normalizing pet loss grief, which may be nice for some, but was unnecessary for me. My friends, family, and coworkers get it, so I’m already grateful for that.
The book shares some methods to process some feelings in a manner that attempts to prevent them from festering and re-emerging in non-meaning. It even helps to process some practical things such as dealing with the dispensation of pet personal items (food dishes, toys, leashes, blankets etc.). The authors provide support for keeping, disposing, and retaining for later while respecting the importance of keeping something while not enshrining all of your pet’s possessions.
In all, they do a good job of providing some handholds and stepping stones for thinking through things.
If there were anything to add or improve, I would add some words on cleaning up. They do talk of cleaning up, but it is for the aforementioned possessions. When I thought of “cleaning up”, I was thinking of the more immediate, the last day kind of things, the soiled blankets and towels, the physical aftermath of things that you may not yet want to call “cleaning” up.
In fact in the end I set aside these items for a week and referred to it not as cleaning up—as though I were washing away my cat’s presence—but as a restoration before his urn returns home.
Anyhow, the book was helpful, skimmable where needed and especially helpful for someone for whom pet grief is not yet normal or for those who need to put a name to tasks at hand.
September 8, 2022
Not going to lie to you guys, I don't really recommend this one. I had a hard time with it. I don't know if I'm too grief-stricken to understand this one or if I've been reading too many pet loss books or what, but it was really methodical and felt like an infomercial.
I just feel like maybe a 'method' isn't the best way to grapple with something like grief, which is always said to be linear, personal, etc.. I'm glad this was a library book and not something I ordered because I saw it on a late-night TV commercial. But I guess that's on me because it says right on the cover that this was written by "The Creators" of the Grief Recovery Method.
I think it was well-intended but the execution didn't do it for me. I still have two more pet loss books to go, so I'll eventually be able to rank this one out of five total books.
I just feel like maybe a 'method' isn't the best way to grapple with something like grief, which is always said to be linear, personal, etc.. I'm glad this was a library book and not something I ordered because I saw it on a late-night TV commercial. But I guess that's on me because it says right on the cover that this was written by "The Creators" of the Grief Recovery Method.
I think it was well-intended but the execution didn't do it for me. I still have two more pet loss books to go, so I'll eventually be able to rank this one out of five total books.
December 20, 2024
When you're experiencing pet loss grief, you want a book that will grab you and understand the pain you're going through. When I first started reading this book, I was angry that the authors wanted the reader to think about past experiences and do a bunch of useless "exercises." I didn't need to remember former pets and cry more or feel guilty. I needed helpful advice to find closure with the pet I was forced to put down much too soon. My helpful advice? Skip directly to chapter 8, which is another exercise, but one I felt was actually a healing exercise. I didn't perform the task verbatim. I took my time. And I feel a little better now. There were a lot more tears for my sweet pup. Of course there were, she was my world. I think I am in a better place now and I may do things differently should I make the decision to adopt a pet in the future. Peace be with you in this difficult time.
September 1, 2019
My mom got me this book at the library after recently having to put my cat of 17 years to sleep. At first I wasn't ready to read the book it took me awhile to be ready. Some of the stories of other pets passing away were hard to read. It has things you can do in the book to help you with your greif. The one idea I liked and will probably do when I'm ready is to write a goodbye letter to your pet. I liked the story in the end of the book about the family that started a pet cemetery for people to bury their pets. I know I couldn't leave my cat at the vet and we took her home and buried her and made a nice memorial.
February 5, 2020
"Recovery from grief or loss is achieved by a series of small and correct action choices made by the griever." This book was so helpful to me after the loss of a fourth pet as an adult. This pet was very special and passed around the same time that many pivotal people in my life also passed. It is okay to be grief-stricken when you lose a pet! This book gives sound steps for moving out of your grief around the loss of a pet. Now, I have something to recommend to families when they lose a pet...great information here.
October 13, 2024
Definitely should not have finished this before a life threatening hurricane came my way and had to leave the home where I laid my dog to rest but the book was still so healing. ❤️🩹 I miss my girl everyday and I’m so glad this book found me. Healthy healing is good healing and this book made me feel comfortable with my grieving process without feeling like an entire weirdo with my coping strategies. I recommend this to anyone who for the first time their life have truly lost someone who was your entire world. RIP my Remy Girl 🐶🤍
December 2, 2021
Debunked a lot of myths about loss. Helped me feel, not better, not less sad, but more comfortable allowing my grief to happen instead of stifling it. The book said to talk about it with others as often as you need to. It was really helpful in deciding what to do with my kitty, and helped me talk to him and say what I want to. Its not a spiritual book but a process book, which I needed, along with spiritual books. I recommend it for the bits and pieces I picked out of it that I wrote down.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 6, 2023
I lost Shiloh unexpectedly in May. It gutted our family and broke my heart. At that time the same friend who gave me Shiloh sent me this book. I found it gave words to my grief. It guided me through steps towards healing and also kept me from taking missteps. It helped me understand why my grief was so deep. There is still more I need to process but this book made me feel like I'm not alone in that, and that I will get there.
September 1, 2022
An extremely useful book for anyone dealing with the loss of a pet, or how to support someone else who is going through pet loss. It deals with the fact that pets are often dismissed as relatively unimportant and replaceable, while our pets are anything but unimportant and replaceable to those of us who are mourning their loss.
June 7, 2023
I didn't find this book particularly helpful. In fact, I was turned off with it's constant enforcement of "do not deviate" from their method and the fact, at certain points, that it was also about dealing with anger toward a pet and FORGIVING the PET.
But pages 60-65 were some comfort -- talks of how "Guilt is rarely the right word" and "pain does not equal love -- pain equals pain."
But pages 60-65 were some comfort -- talks of how "Guilt is rarely the right word" and "pain does not equal love -- pain equals pain."
July 29, 2021
Concise, simple, and straight forward help for dealing with a lot pet.
July 1, 2024
A guide to processing unresolved emotions related to pet loss. Part of the Grief Recovery Method, classes that I am trained to provide and are very effective for dealing with complicated grief.
November 20, 2017
This book on grief specializes with the grief one faces with the loss of a pet.
December 9, 2014
I received a copy of this book from the publisher through Net Galley for an honest review.
I was browsing through the new books for request over at Net Galley and came across this title and new I needed to request it. I am a huge animal lover and the only point in my life that didn’t include one or many companion animals was the years I spent in college, even then I had a fish for a few months (the only pet allowed in dorm). If you have pets it is natural that you are going to lose pets; be it to death, surrendering, re-homing or other reason. This loss that we feel over the absence of our friend, no family member is just as devastating as any other sort of loss one can experience. I’ve lost many good friends over the years and with sharing my life with a group of rapidly aging pet now, I know loss is going to be in my near future as well. I needed to read this book.
There is a lot of good advice in this book, and I am inclined to look into their other titles on the topic of loss and grief they have available. Readers need to come to this book with an open mind and be ready to put aside some of the cultural stereo types as to what is acceptable and appropriate behavior when it comes to the loss of a pet. Some of the ideas made me a little uncomfortable, or perhaps I felt foolish when I thought of putting them into practice, but I realized that was just me coming to this from the idea of how we ‘should’ grieve a pet. While I didn’t do all the work they suggested right then, I think I will give it a try next time I have to come to terms with letting a pet go and processing their death. Perhaps it will help.
I liked how the authors of this book respected the bond between pet, of any type, and their owner. It felt that they truly wished to honor those connections that become so important in our lives. Many of the ideas in these pages helped me to understand much of my past behavior and reactions to loss. I am seeing some of the events of my past with a different light and I think I will also be a more compassionate person the next time I go to comfort someone else over their loss as well.
I liked how the book was structured as well. It started the reader off slowly, encouraging them to re-read and take the process slowly. The exercises start off rather analytic at first, which gives the griever a safe zone to start exploring the death and loss, and then the text moves into the deeper issues and has the reader face some of their stronger emotions in non-judgmental way. The personal examples provided helped a lot as well, it gave the reader a way to see that the authors had themselves experienced a similar loss and had taken these steps too. I think it helped the reader empathize and appreciate the advice being given better.
This is a helpful and thoughtful book. I’m glad I read it and will draw upon what I learned the next time I am facing a loss of a furred or feathered friend. Thank you.
I was browsing through the new books for request over at Net Galley and came across this title and new I needed to request it. I am a huge animal lover and the only point in my life that didn’t include one or many companion animals was the years I spent in college, even then I had a fish for a few months (the only pet allowed in dorm). If you have pets it is natural that you are going to lose pets; be it to death, surrendering, re-homing or other reason. This loss that we feel over the absence of our friend, no family member is just as devastating as any other sort of loss one can experience. I’ve lost many good friends over the years and with sharing my life with a group of rapidly aging pet now, I know loss is going to be in my near future as well. I needed to read this book.
There is a lot of good advice in this book, and I am inclined to look into their other titles on the topic of loss and grief they have available. Readers need to come to this book with an open mind and be ready to put aside some of the cultural stereo types as to what is acceptable and appropriate behavior when it comes to the loss of a pet. Some of the ideas made me a little uncomfortable, or perhaps I felt foolish when I thought of putting them into practice, but I realized that was just me coming to this from the idea of how we ‘should’ grieve a pet. While I didn’t do all the work they suggested right then, I think I will give it a try next time I have to come to terms with letting a pet go and processing their death. Perhaps it will help.
I liked how the authors of this book respected the bond between pet, of any type, and their owner. It felt that they truly wished to honor those connections that become so important in our lives. Many of the ideas in these pages helped me to understand much of my past behavior and reactions to loss. I am seeing some of the events of my past with a different light and I think I will also be a more compassionate person the next time I go to comfort someone else over their loss as well.
I liked how the book was structured as well. It started the reader off slowly, encouraging them to re-read and take the process slowly. The exercises start off rather analytic at first, which gives the griever a safe zone to start exploring the death and loss, and then the text moves into the deeper issues and has the reader face some of their stronger emotions in non-judgmental way. The personal examples provided helped a lot as well, it gave the reader a way to see that the authors had themselves experienced a similar loss and had taken these steps too. I think it helped the reader empathize and appreciate the advice being given better.
This is a helpful and thoughtful book. I’m glad I read it and will draw upon what I learned the next time I am facing a loss of a furred or feathered friend. Thank you.
August 27, 2016
Truly am grateful for this book. Needed a gentle outline/ framework that could assist in processing the enormous and varied feelings that seem to shift at times moment to moment after the loss of a treasured family member/ dog. Am appreciative this book is written in a such a way...it has applicable exercises and examples that allow for reflection.
February 14, 2015
This book is a must read for anyone that is or has ever grieved the loss of a pet. I rarely give anything a 5 star rating, but this book definitely deserves it!
January 1, 2024
Helpful ideas. 3.5 rounded up.
March 31, 2017
It made me feel like it was "The Only Way" to grieve and feeling alienated from the get-go.
Displaying 1 - 27 of 27 reviews