Case File Compendium: Bing An Ben (Novel) Vol. 5

Case File Compendium: Bing An Ben (Novel) #5

by Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou, BOKI (cover_art), Danke (illustrator)

ENTER THE INFERNO

Racing to find a cure to Xie Xue’s illness, He Yu and Xie Qingcheng’s investigation into the forbidden drug RN-13 grows riskier with each new clue they discover. Along the trail of murdered professors and missing young women they uncover an unconscionable crime, and those responsible for it will stop at nothing to bury the truth.

Even worse, the shadowy forces are eager to get their hands on the unique powers of He Yu’s blood toxin. And despite his unwillingness to accept his former patient’s feelings for him, Xie Qingcheng refuses to let He Yu face this great peril alone.

Genres: Romance, Fantasy, LGBT, Contemporary, Queer, Fiction, Adult

404 pages, Paperback

Published June 10, 2025

About the author

Associated Names:
* Rou Bao Bu Chi Rou
* 肉包不吃肉 (Chinese Profile)
* โร่วเปาปู้ชือโร่ว (Thai Profile)
* Meatbun Doesn't Eat Meat (English Profile)

Reviews

[hope · Rating 5 out of 5]

"If you won't leave, I won't leave either. Xie Qingcheng, I told you once when our lives were on the line: I'm not afraid of death. If you die, then there won't be anyone important to me left in this world. I don't know how many times I have to say it before you'll believe me." He Yu paused before continuing emphatically, "You're not expendable. I can't live without you. I can lose my life, but I can't lose you. If you want to die, then we die together."

the way i would have 200+ highlights it if wasn't for all my annotating supplies being packed because i'm moving at the end of this week 😭 i cried both happy and sad tears! YES HAPPY TEARS IN THIS SERIES!!!! xqc and he yu are becoming my all time fav couple (i don't want to say that just yet because we're halfway through the series but yeah...they're pretty damn close 😭).

this volume could have not gone any better seriously. i am simply amazed and impressed with the development we got with he yu and xqc's relationship. i was going feral in no way i have before. no one can convince me that xqc hasn't crossed fully into delulu land. i can confidently say as of this volume, that it’s clear (at least to me) that xqc has serious feelings for he yu. THIS MANS HEART WAS EVEN FLUTTERING AHHHHHHHHHHDHDHFHDHD LIKE WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT THAT XQC'S HEART WAS CAPABLE OF FLUTTERING?????? we've come so far....😩 i loved how he was in major denial that he yu really loved him, but you could just tell he was lying to himself. i was eating it up 😭 but eventually he was like "wait.. i actually do feel this way, how is it that even possible??" my mind was blown because i was blinking rapidly like “am i actually reading that xqc is thinking this right now???” 🤣 FINALLYYYYYYY. so not only did we get him accepting he yu's feelings towards him but him also coming to some realizations about his own. he's slowly but surely falling in love with he yu. and how could someone not with the PURE DEVOTION he yu shows xqc??? he yu has had me in a chokehold since volume 1 and i've even loved him from the very beginning. he deserves to be protected at all costs 🥺💔

You kissed me, so I'll be sure to look after myself. Because I know you'll kiss me a second time, a third time, a thousand more times in the future.
When I think about that, I love this world so much—so much that death would never be able to take me away. Don't worry, I'll be careful. I love you.

he yu has no true family, no one that loves him, a very traumatic childhood, he's in constant suffering because of his "psychological ebola" so to see him say that he loves this world so much made me cry my eyes out. the love confessions??? i could feel his love and desperation for xqc through the pages. one of my favs parts was how he yu made sure xqc knew how real his feeling were and we even got to see xqc realize how serious he was!!! he yu is a man of words and action. he is loyal AF!!! and we love to see it. i can't not adore he yu. he was described as a fledgling dragon who follows xqc around all the time and pops his head out of a cave when he sees xqc 🤣🤣🤣 IT'S SO FUCKING CUTE AND I CAN'T GET THAT OUT OF MY HEAD NOW 😭

this volume was perfect in my eyes, it's what i was secretly hoping for and we got it. now the waiting begins again...💔 i will be immersing myself in meatbun's other works because i'm not ready to leave her writing style and the worlds she creates.

more quotes!

🧡 "Second of all, do you know what love is?"
With his eyelashes still damp with tears, He Yu looked up at him and said reflexively, "It's the way I love you."
~ i cannot physically describe how much he yu loves xqc. he left me speechless so many times with his love confessions (yes there are mutiple)

🖤 Since the age of seven, both his life and his beliefs inextricably linked to Xie Qingcheng. Once his faith and reliance had irreversibly transformed into love, there was no hope for him. For the rest of his life, he would never be able to love anyone else so passionately.
~ FMLLLLLLLLLLL 😭😭😭

🧡 "Little devil, you're not alone."
~ a pet name doesn't make me cry....like at all.........

🖤 "Yours is the new model, based on the latest research, and it can ever control you emotions to an extent. Ideally, you should be wearing it at all times, unless you're in the shower," Xie Qingcheng said.
"It's not waterproof?"
"It is."
"Then I'll wear it in the shower too." He paused while Xie Qingcheng stared. "Because you gave it to me."
~ 🥲

anyway, i hope i got my thoughts across how much i love this volume and this series. if you are okay with the TWs, i would recommend this any chance i get.

_____

FML this is my new favorite volume. i just want to cry and CRY. RTC😭

edit 3, june 5/25: my bookstore DID have it early and now it's officially in my hands 🙌😭 literally dropping everything so i can read this IM NOT READY BUT LETS GO 😭

edit 2, june 4/25: 6 more days AHHHHHDHMGDHGKDHKGLDHK i could cry 😭 it would be so amazing if they had this volume released early at my bookstore like the last volume was pleaseeeeeeee 🙏 🕯️🙇‍♀️🤞

edit 1, feb (2025): the fact that the cover is xie qingcheng KISSING he yu and not the other way around!!! i am shocked!!! i am not ready!!!! i can't believe this!! i am going to cry!!!! june is so far away 😭😭😭😭😭

[Rose ✧⁎⁺ · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5☆

“You’re not expendable. I can’t live without you. I can lose my life, but I can’t lose you. If you want to die, then we die together.”

Xie Qingcheng stared as He Yu, red-eyed, gave his confession, his heart trembling uncontrollably in his chest. ”

I hate them so much..that kiss scene killed me 😭😭😭😭😭💝 they NEED to get married already.

[Stacie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Little devil 😈 This volume gave me exactly what I needed at this point in the story similar to the way vol 4 and 5 of ERHA did. I smiled and laughed a little more than I ever remember doing in the previous ones. I think I highlighted over 75% this book ❤️‍🩹 Tears were shed but so many great moments!

Maybe spoilers:
😈He Yu FINALLY says some of the things I needed him to say like 3 books ago
😈XQ misusing emojis 😆 (I have definitely done this as an old myself)
😈Concubine He 😂
😈 I’m glad to see this relationship isn’t just handed to us- it is hard earned
😈 XQ has that Chu Wanning lack of self worth and/or feeling unlovable and it breaks my heart

Initially I think I was sticking with the story because I needed to know how the heck they get a HE. Now I am truly invested and addicted to them.

“At long last, the auntie successfully taught the hacker how to ride the subway.”

“A needle seemed to pierce his heart, digging into the part of it that belonged to He Yu.”

“In the end, I became your wounds instead.”

[lyss · Rating 5 out of 5]

i cried. i screamed. i giggled while rolling around on my bed omg this volume was a whirlwind but ahhhh the kiss scene in the fire... its happening you guys...

[c1nnaden ♡ · Rating 5 out of 5]

“You’re not expendable. I can’t live without you. I can lose my life, but I can’t lose you. If you want to die, then we die together.”

5/5 ⭐
FINALLY PARTNER IN CRIME!!!!
i think this is the most meatbun core novel she has ever written lol i loved every part, from the semi-realization of Xie Qingcheng's feelings for He Yu and the declarations of love in the most dangerous situations of He Yu. the thriller part convinces me and involves me more and more!!! i loved Jiang Liping's character, a true queen! hope volume 6 comes out soon 🙏💖

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This series has such a chokehold on me. I really can't get enough of these two and their messy and wild connection. They belong together and it becomes clearer each volume.

He Yu finally speaks his love, and it's beautiful and painful in the best way. Xie Qingcheng has been such a closed off character throughout, but in this volume his icy exterior begins to thaw.

All of this culminates in a stunning climax of the cover scene, and it's both dramatic and tender.

I'm officially halfway through this series now, and I know there's so much more to come. I'm very excited for more.

[Kay · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.9/5

[kiara ✾ ·˚ · Rating 5 out of 5]

“You’re not expendable. I can’t live without you. I can lose my life, but I can’t lose you. If you want to die, then we die together.”

near-death experience and like clock work here comes hexie using it as an excuse to turn it into the most earth shattering gay moment between them ever 😭

[Queens Love Books · Rating 4 out of 5]

"If reincarnation exists, I'd gladly die with you a thousand times—a million times! As long as in one of those lives, you'll believe that I really do love you."

Volume 5 takes a more emotionally introspective turn, dialing back some of the earlier volumes’ intensity while diving deeper into the inner struggles of the main characters. The tension between the leads builds in a way that feels both raw and revealing, and the emotional payoff is quieter but more grounded this time around. This volume slows down just enough to show how fragile and tangled human connections can be, and it doesn't flinch from exploring complicated feelings or consequences.

The case featured in this volume adds an extra layer of depth, touching on mental health in a way that’s heavy but thought-provoking. This series has never been afraid to push boundaries, and while that can be uncomfortable, it also opens up space for empathy and difficult reflection. It’s definitely not for everyone—some readers might find the emotional content overwhelming or even triggering. And honestly, I wouldn’t have been able to read this during a rougher point in my own life. But for those in the right headspace, it offers more than just mystery or drama—it becomes a lens into the complexity of the human experience.

The one challenge I had was keeping up with the expanding cast of side characters. There are so many names and backstories that it’s easy to get lost at times. Still, Meatbun's storytelling remains as sharp as ever. Just when you think a volume might not land as hard, it hits you sideways with unexpected emotional weight. Volume 5 may be more subdued in some ways, but it’s no less powerful. It reminds me why this series continues to stand out—layered, empathetic, and deeply human.

Date Read: 2025.06.26

[Jenna · Rating 1 out of 5]

pardon me, i need to rant a bit

i truly have no idea what people see in this series to give it five stars...and i say that as a meatbun enjoyer. erha is one of my favorite series ever, and we all know how messed up those books are, so i wasn't necessarily scared of this series. i was ready to trust meatbun!! i was patiently waiting my turn to get a slow burn romance with a lot of twists and turns and horrors!!!! but what i found when reading this series is that somehow, with every volume, things got worse but in a way that was not at all fulfilling. erha does a great job of being totally horrific while also giving you the sweet, soft moments of love and joy and humor as well as some really intense character development. and some INSANE plot twists and planning.

THIS SERIES IS NOT THAT.

vol 1 was relatively tame and entertaining, and volume two was promising before it became sufficiently disturbing...and i was hoping vol 3 or 4 or 5 would make that 180 switch where everything becomes magical. it did not do that. in fact it got progressively worse. and i'll be honest! i don't even know if the rape is the worst part of this series!!! not to go all community here but.... i could excuse the rape but i draw the line at bad character development!!!!! what's crazy is that this could've been a really cool series if we leaned into xie qingcheng's obvious aro/ace tendencies, but NO! no instead we're leaning into some aphobia. and of course, as i said, the rape.

look, i am capable of reading mature content and looking past the horrors to get to the good stuff. erha is such a series. it's deeply unsettling and incredibly concerning. but something about this series hurt more because while it had all these problems (homophobia, sexism, aphobia, rape, whatever the hell is going on with the mental illnesses in this book, excessive self-harm, graphic violence, fatphobia, etc) AND I WAS FULLY WILLING TO FORGIVE THEM AT ANY MOMENT, the writing was bad. the main non-romantic b-plot (or is it considered the a-plot idk) aka the murder plots and evil secret mafia men and medical mysteries were just entirely uninteresting to me. we'd get an insane amount of POVs and character flashbacks that derailed the story and were completely irrelevant, or that could have been told in two paragraphs instead of two chapters. not to mention some of the plot points or minor characters would be on the page once and then they wouldn't be relevant again until a whole volume passed. (SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH THE BOY IN THE HEELS. WHERE IS THAT KING. BRING HIM BACK TO ME.) the pacing was atrocious, the plot was ridiculous, and rather than having it all come together like it does in erha, this just felt sloppy and unorganized and in need of a good deal of edits. i trusted meatbun and SHE BETRAYED ME!

and another thing!!!

arguably my biggest critique - yes, if we're looking pass *gestures* all of that - is that none of this so-called "romance" (which it isn't...yet...objectively...) is UNEARNED!!!! we finally started getting some developments in this book because of a LIFE OR DEATH SCENARIO, and that alone is just Lazy, but even those developments get backtracked right after the fact. anytime xqc shows any chance of developing for better or for worse, he immediately is like "shit i shouldn't have done that it was a mistake i don't feel that way at all." and during the scene!!! sure xqc initiates a kiss!!! wow!!!! but he still maintains that he doesn't know what he's doing, he continues to claim he isn't interested in he yu like that, and their whole relationship feels (BC IT IS) COERCED! even if xqc makes more progress next vol (i heard he has his big awakening in 6?), it still feels icky and weird because he yu just bullied his way into xqc's life! like at this point i don't even care that the rape is being reasoned out - like sure whatever, xqc wants to forget it and move on and it doesn't matter, okay sure sure sure, whatever - he has spent FIVE FUCKING VOLUMES being DEEPLY uninterested in sex and he yu! how do we overcome that!!! as an aroace sex-repulsed person i just don't see how this is realistic i'm sorry!! if someone kept badgering me for sex and love and CONTINUED TO KISS ME UNPROMPTED WITHOUT ASKING i would end up murdering them! it's crazy to me that the reasoning for this whole switch is that xqc did not believe he yu's love was sincere. like oh, okay, now that this kid proved he'd die for me, maybe i should listen to him...BITCH NO HE RAPED YOU. FOR MONTHS. AND HAS YET TO FULLY TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. BECAUSE HE CONTINUES TO THINK ABOUT RAPING YOU.

which brings me to the psychological ebola which doesn't even deserve to be discussed because this shit is just insane. period. nonsensical. (a theme for this series.) and like i get it's kind of magical, kind of sci-fi, not Actual Real Mental Illness, but it's just a bit insane that our main characters are "sick" and that sickness makes them ??? want to DRINK BLOOD AND KILL PEOPLE ??? and yet somehow the point of the series is that we shouldn't stigmatize mentally ill people, which is true and real. but. i just don't even know how to deal with all that. i dealt with it like i dealt with everything in this series, i just smiled and waved and pretended like it would make sense down the line and then it never did.

oh also, sidebar, the fatphobia in this was a lot. deranged way to talk about the main character's mom, esp when it's her husband being fatphobic. and he thinks he's being nice about it. ANYWAY.

i just truthfully felt like i was going insane and reading about an alternate reality where everything is upside down and backwards. like all of these awful horrible things and evil mindsets are just normal and totally fine. sure, let's give xqc "STRAIGHT MAN CANCER" and that excuses every time he has sexist beliefs about women, that's totally fine. like hahahahaha it's a joke but also no it isn't??? maybe all of this is just satire and I'M the stupid one?

it's just so ???? because i read erha and not that that's a bastion of truth and kindness and goodness but at least it felt like there was a heart at the center of it? there was a POINT to all the suffering?? furthermore there was a nefarious plot underneath that explained a lot of the horrors. which isn't to say there isn't one at play here, i did keep waiting for meatbun to do a big switcheroo, but at this point i just feel like we are in wayyyy too deep, like there is NOTHING she could plot that would make any of this make sense and be okay. (although i'm still curious about xqc's big secret going into vol 6)

like i feel very much like i got dead doved because i was told that this was her most insane series and i do not begrudge her her crazy kinks and insane plotlines (again, see erha), but geez i just wish there was literally ANY PAYOFF! for five volumes!!!! by the time i hit vol 4 i realized i could and should skim the non-romantic (??? it isn't even romantic between he yu and xqc) murder plots, and in vol 5 i think i probably skipped at least 1/3 of it by the end of the book. because it was not only unsettling but BORING AS HELL! i am invested enough to keep hate reading because i do genuinely want to see her make these two work!!!! it would be insane if xqc was Changed by love!!!!!!!!! and yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i don't think it's possible or that it should happen!!!! he deserves PEACE!!!!!!!!

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT! SO THE FUCK DO I!!!!!!!!

[naya · Rating 5 out of 5]

★ : 5


(i will start this review with my favourite quotes)


“you’re not expendable. i can’t live without you. i can lose my life, but i can’t lose you. if you want to die, then we die together.”

“you are the one, xie qingcheng. you are the only one. i can use my life to prove my sincerity—that what i say holds no trace of deception. i would die with you and have no regrets.”

“you kissed me, so i’ll be sure to look after myself. because i know you’ll kiss me a second time, a third time, a thousand more times in the future. when i think about that, i love this world so much—so much that death would never be able to take me away. don’t worry, i’ll be careful. i love you.”


xie qingcheng’s ice is melting, his attitude towards he yu is changing (facing with life and death situation he actually took the initiative to kiss hy ahh). now i hope they get married and have few dozen babies (please let a girl manifest). now talking about the plot out of all the volumes so far this one has the most interesting ending, i really need to know who is that duan wen and what his real motives are plus that little kid with red heels is freaking me out (give me remaining 5 volumes right now i can't wait). i feel this one will end up getting the #2 spot in my top 10 danmei list let's see what happens. ohhhh and the story of jiang liping and jin xiuhe :// my poor girls deserve better. ughh right now my thoughts are really incoherent i need time to process everything that is going on. THIS BOOK IS SERIOUSLY SO GOOD.


bottom line.. i think “i love you, i'm sorry” by gracie abrams should be hy's national anthem.

[kaylina · Rating 5 out of 5]

As long as you hold me, even if I turn to ash, to dust, and fade away into the roiling past…I’m no longer afraid.

love he yu & xie qingcheng’s relationship development in this volume—it honestly made this volume one of my favorites (next to vol.4), but i also can’t help but mourn for jiang liping :(

her backstory was so crushing, and the teacher she idolized even more so….her part that she played in this mindfuck of a cruel mystery was another reason why i loved this volume a lot.

hearing more & more of the torture these women have had to go through as like a scientist’s plaything is just so revolting. i know the reveals will only get worse…

content warnings:

major: fire/fire injury, self-harm, and torture
moderate: medical content, and murder

[mara - hyrulevalkyrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This can’t be the same meatbun that wrote erha 😭

[shae · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heck 4.75/5 ⭐️rounded up... Hello!!!! This series is the best!!!! What're you doing if you aren't reading at least one series by meatbun?!??!?! anyways....

This one felt too short…It had me biting my fist and holding back little yelps while reading during my lunch breaks...

Here's some of my favorite quotes... meatbun, the poet that you are...the amount of times He Yu says he can't live without Xie Qingcheng in this novel... I wish I could include them all haha

"After falling in love with the sun, he'd also fallen in love with every inch of its brilliance. Only after that star itself burned out would the flames of his love finally turn to ash"

"He wanted blood. He wanted love. He wanted... Xie Qingcheng."

"He Yu, I was once a doctor. Your doctor. And I've made a complete mess of it all. I couldn't be your lifesaving medicine like Qin Ciyan. In the end, I became your wound instead."

He Yu held him so tightly, like he was his eyes, his organs, his ribs; his life.

"With you, I'd be willing to be condemned to death any number of times," He Yu insisted. "If reincarnation exists, I'd die with you a thousand times - a million times. As long as in one of those lives, you'll believe that I really do love you.:

"Every day, minute, and second that I'm alive. I'll love you. I will protect you, and I won't leave you."

"Don't look down on me just because I'm young, and don't tell me I'm naive or confused about my feelings. I love you, I adore you, I want you... And now, I'll die with you. I didn't break my promise."

True love! Ohhhhh! Ouch!

I should get a tattoo inspired by this next one...

People's relationships were like the growth cycle of a red spider lily, with the new replacing the old. The stems of the plant couldn't bear the weight of the flowers, leaves, and fruit at the same time; just as the leaves died when the flowers bloomed, the flowers withered when the fruit came to bear

Okay, last one... I can't not include this one.
You kissed me, so I'll be sure to look after myself. Because I know you'll kiss me a second time, a third time, a thousand more times in the future. When I think about that, I love this world so much - so much that death would never be able to take me away. Don't worry, I'll be careful. I love you.

Even writing these quotes down and rereading my annotations has my heart stirring. No one does it like meatbun. Gosh! Too good!

Again I'll say it. This book, this series... everything just makes so much sense. Meatbun is so so so smart. Everything about the story, mystery, plot, romance, it all ties together oh so nicely.

[Susanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

The series is gearing towards the end with this fifth volume, but the story didn’t slow down at all. The contrary. After the cliffhanger ending of the previous book, the start of this one was a bit of a let-down. It skipped the action scene straight to the aftermath. Unsurprisingly, He Yu and Xie Qingcheng survive. The plotline in the remote village, which was mostly diversion anyway, is dropped and the men return home.

Xie Qingcheng believes that he and He Yu should stay apart from now on. The upset triggers another mental episode in He Yu, and this time he finally tells Xie Qingcheng that it’s caused by emotional turmoil. He confesses his love to Xie Qingcheng who doesn’t believe him. But it has the benefit of calming He Yu. He claims he’ll win Xie Qingcheng’s heart and proceeds to date him. It’s no use.

They still need to find cure for Xie Xue’s illness. A death of yet another actress involved in the movie production points clearly at the producer whose name has popped up several times in their investigation. Convinced that the source of the drug that caused Xie Xue’s illness is the producer, the men set out to break into his compound. They find many surprises there and get unexpected help too. That leads to a great showdown. But the mysterious organisation acts before their secrets are revealed.

Not all is lost for the men though. They have the drug and can create the antidote to cure Xie Xue. And the events at the compound make Xie Qingcheng realise that He Yu might be serious about his declaration of love. The book ends before we learn if it has permanent impact on him. At any rate, it might be too late. Xie Qingcheng is holding several secrets from He Yu—and the reader.

This was a good volume, with the plot advancing on all fronts. There were no sex scenes of questionable consent or otherwise; the men got along, and the impossible, Xie Qingcheng having a change of heart about He Yu, happened. There was a good twist about the identity of one villain, and some good diversion about the identity of another. But they aren’t any closer to catching the mastermind. There are at least two more books to come, but I’m not sure it’ll be enough to unravel the final mystery.

[Stephanie Chenard · Rating 5 out of 5]

This series is like a drug I can’t quit.

This book has left me breathless since the very beginning. I read the first 30% in one sitting, unable to put it down. There were simply so many deeply impactful scenes, whether it was He Yu’s flare-up that led to him losing his sanity in the car and nearly choking Xie Qingcheng to death in his madness, begging him to give him a knife so he could self-harm and sate his thirst for blood, or Xie Qingcheng finding out about He Yu’s fall from the balcony after being rejected by him, blaming his own incompetence and expressing his regrets, which led to He Yu breaking down in tears and finally - FINALLY!! - confessing his feelings… god, that was satisfying!!! I cried, screamed, flailed and gasped more times than I can count. Holy crap. Some of these scenes were hard to read (the whole saga is not for the faint of heart), but they left such a huge impression on me and are truly unforgettable.

I also thoroughly enjoyed the whole “pursuing Xie Qingcheng” arc. For all his darkness and chaotic energy, He Yu can be really sweet and romantic, even if he always also has impure intentions hidden somewhere behind haha. I loved He Yu’s celebration of the anniversary of Xie Qingcheng’s survival, which allowed him to meet He Yu, who was born the same year Xie Qingcheng lost his parents. It must be fate that brought them together, there’s just no way… ;___; Anyway, all the little things that He Yu thought of and investigated so that he could make that night truly special and meaningful to Xie Qingcheng… Oh, my heart. It was way too adorable. Even their fucking theme song is growing on me. Lol.

And don’t get me started on the basement fire and those two dumbfucks offering to sacrifice themselves for the other, He Yu using the blood toxin to force Xie Qingcheng to leave him to die, Xie Qingcheng resisting his control by sheer force of will and slapping him senseless for even thinking he could forget He Yu and live on without him. The scene of the first kiss initiated by Xie Qingcheng was so moving, I was practically shaking. I felt every pang and twinge of his heart as He Yu told him he should be the one to stay behind since no one would miss or mourn him, but that HE would never be able to live in a world without Xie Qingcheng because he is literally his entire life. The moment when Xie Qingcheng finally realized that He Yu hadn’t been confused about his feelings, but that he truly, furiously, desperately loved him. AHHHHH. *ugly crying* I have so many favorite moments. They hurt my heart and soul and I LOVED IT.

This is now officially one of my - if not my - favorite series. Meatbun is an absolute genius who writes the most heartwrenching stories with deeply flawed, complex and layered characters that you just can’t help but fall in love with and root for. I cannot wait for the continuation.

[Chloe ⋆·˚ ༘ * · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Xie Qingcheng, it really hurts to love you. I know this pain; I know it all too well. It doesn’t matter. With all that I am, all of my heart, never stopping for a single moment… I insist on loving you.”

5 stars - definitely my favourite volume so far! He Yu’s development (however little it might be💀) is wonderful to read. It might sound a bit psychotic but He Yu’s loneliness really struck a chord with me with my own experience and situation. The dedication that you can have for someone as they become a guiding point.

He loved him furiously, gently, violently.

The main plot itself was fantastic as well. Meatbun’s ability to write mystery and connect so many different plot points is wonderfully done. Jiang Liping’s story was heartbreaking, and tying it back to Jiang Lan Pei from the earlier volumes was incredible. I can’t wait to see how the story develops, especially with some of the art spoilers I’ve seen but had no context to TvT.

It’s just that you haven’t called me “little devil” in a long, long time.

I liked Xie Qingcheng as much as I normally do, but in this volume found him a bit frustrating at times. His actions in pushing He Yu away were very reasonable, but at times I felt like he was being too dense. I do wonder what it is that he’s keeping a secret from He Yu. My first thought that it was the fact that Xie Xue was injected with RN-13 but I thought He Yu knew that? Hopefully it gets revealed in the next volume.

There’s still hope. As long as we keep on living, as long as we never succumb, there’s still hope for you and me. For us.

Note: as always, please read the TWs before picking up BAB! It’s a brilliant story, but the list of TWs is probably much longer than it needs to be💀

[Sanny☆ · Rating 4 out of 5]

bueno la cosa está mejorando desde luego !! cada libro es mejor que el anterior, la relación de los dos ya me esta empezando a gustar de vd y la historia está pillando un buen ritmo. Hay cosas que todavía hacen que el libro no me llegue a encantar (siento que la meatbun se sobreexplica de sobremanera y que me cuenta cosas que sinceramente la sudan) pero interesada estoy y quiero ver como van a terminar estos dos locos !

[Kaikai❤️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

HeYu, my poor mentally ill boi. And Xie qingcheng is a lil slow when it comes to love affairs isn’t he. They have the same argument istg, I’m too old, I’m a man, and you’re confused. Boi stfu and kiss already

[isy · Rating 4 out of 5]

"With you, I'd be willing to be condemned to death any number of times," He Yu insisted. "If reincarnation exists, I'd gladly die with you a thousand times—a million times! As long as in one of those lives, you'll believe that I really do love you."

"He wrapped his arms around the man, thinking, if this was the last thing he did in this life, it would be enough."

"You kissed me, so I'll be sure to look after myself. Because I know you'll kiss me a second time, a third time, a thousand more times in the future. When I think about that, I love this world so much-so much that death would never be able to take me away. Don't worry, I'll be careful.
I love you."

los amooo :((( no sobreviví indeed. xie qingcheng, ya dime qué me ocultas

[Poisonivy_Seastars · Rating 5 out of 5]

"I only have one request," he said.

“What?"

"Kiss me once before I die. To die for love is yet an alluring thing."

——

This was sweetttt !! 🥰🥰 I liked how their dynamic grew from just miscommunication and sleeping together, yada yada.

The only thing that threw me off guard… was some of the out of pocketness with the mystery plot in the last 30%. It felt like a clunky scooby doo episode kinda 😭 like not BAD, but it made me consider giving it a 4.5 but I love the characters/vibes too much to lower it

[Monika · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was full of action!

[Maria Drago · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay, yeah, this has gotten way better.
While we do have the typical tedious deep-dives into random characters' pasts, and I'm confused by all the mystery and scheming, this volume has far surpassed the others. Finally, we are not bombarded by blatant toxicity!
He Yu has become kind of adorable, and Xie Qingcheng is a hot mess that needs to be taken care of (a bit of an eye-roll of an overused trope when it comes to the uke's role, but oh, well). It's kind of fun to see. And the way they work together is awesome. We get some spying, some heists, and a whole lot of drama amidst another near-death bonding experience.
I do love their near-death bonding experiences...

Anyway, here are a few of my notes I took while reading, mostly nonsense (and with SPOILERS AHEAD):

“Xie Qingcheng, I’m begging you, please take yourself seriously. Back there in the mountains, you know, if that bullet landed in your heart instead of your arm—you would’ve died just like that, right in front of me. I really…”
I really would’ve lost it. Murder, slaughter, dismemberment, arson—you name it, I could’ve done it.

HELL YEAH, BROTHER. This is the kind of unhinged yearning I live for.

He Yu’s mood lifted again at Xie Qingcheng calling him “little devil,” but he turned away, schooling his face to hide it.

STOPPPP THIS IS SO CUUUUUUTE-
Honestly, I love the "little devil" nickname so much. It's so apt and so sweet, and even though that old doctor that took care of XQC used to use it too, and it was a bit sad to learn about, I still love XQC using it and HY being so happy about that.

Many of the girls were wearing revealing cosplay outfits. Xie Qingcheng wanted to tell them, on behalf of their parents, to wear a jacket. The paternalistic straight man cancer inside him insisted that it was simply disgraceful for young girls to dress like this.
“What are they wearing?” he muttered, frowning.
“It’s cosplay,” He Yu said.

Just hilarious. Take it from someone who's visited several conditions and seen the *scandalous* outfits therein. Of course XQC would be horrified lmao.

He Yu smiled at her, typed a few words on his phone, and showed it to her. The girl peered at the screen in bewilderment and then looked up, astonished.
The words on the screen were: “Sorry, he’s my boyfriend.”

This is literally like something I would have written in a fanfiction. (*cough cough* satosugu *cough*)
I love this petty, shameless shit.

“I’m a hacker,” replied He Yu.
“A hacker who doesn’t know how to enter a subway station.”
Was he flirting? He Yu imagined tearing open his throat and kissing his searing blood. He wanted that.

I just had the awful experience of hearing He Yu saying the "Was he flirting" part in Joe Goldberg's voice.
Also, this is hilarious.
And unhinged. Love the unhinged part.

He Yu put his hand on the railing that Xie Qingcheng had just been holding, where some of his warmth still lingered. For a moment, He Yu really felt that his love was far too pathetic.

REAL.

He Yu looked back at him in a daze, his heart pounding. He’d found himself caught off guard when Xie Qingcheng reached out to touch his forehead, just like the time he’d gotten that tattoo in middle school and Doctor Xie had gently touched his feverish temple with his laptop.

We love a flustered, lovelorn He Yu.
THIS IS AS IT SHOULD BE.

Now, Xie Qingcheng was the one trying to figure out what unknown changes had befallen He Yu.
Xie Qingcheng took off his coat and tossed it over the sleeping youth. Then, swiftly and steadily, he drove to the front entrance of He Yu’s home.

HO HO HO, XQC IS FINALLY GOING TO FIND OUT ABOUT HY LOSING IT WHILE WAITING FOR HIM AND FALLING OUT OF A SECOND STORY WINDOW AND BEING HOSPITALIZED.

Gritting his teeth, Xie Qingcheng examined the report again. Some writing faintly showed through the back of the page, so he flipped it over. The once-spotless page was filled with lines and lines of the words, Xie Qingcheng, I’m sorry.
He’d used pens of various colors, and the handwriting was sometimes neat, sometimes messy. It didn’t look like everything had been written in one sitting; it seemed like He Yu had jotted down these sentences at different points in time.

OMG I never figured that XQC would find out about the missing blood report that HY stole way back when. But this is DELICIOUS. And I just LOVE the detail of HY having written all over it like a psychopath. This is juicy shit, guys.
Ooh, boy, He Yu is being laid bare.

The housekeeper sighed. “What could we say? We know that taking medicine like this can’t be good for his health, but at least he’s getting by one day at a time. It’s not like before, when the young master’s flare-up made him so miserable that he fell out of a window…”
Xie Qingcheng stared in astonishment. “He fell out of a window?”

HERE WE GO!
Ever since HY first fell out of that window, I've been waiting for the reveal to XQC. I don't know why, but it's just so dramatic and delightfully depressing. HY is such a damsel sometimes.

Of course, he knew who He Yu had tidied up that room for. He also knew full well who that guest who never showed up was. As his thoughts churned, he remembered the handful of messages he’d received from He Yu back then. He Yu even sent him multiple texts in a row.
“Doctor Xie, I’m sick,” he said. “Xie Qingcheng, I’m sick."

DELECTABLE.
Now we have a guilty XQC and a soft HY and XQC is finally giving a shit about HY and HY is finally deserving it.

“Because I love you! Xie Qingcheng…” He Yu’s shoulders shook, his tears dripping like rain. “I love you. It’s because I’ve fallen for you, I’ve fucking fallen in love with you, do you get it? Do you?!”

HE SAID IT!!!!!! HE FUCKING SAID ITTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

“Ge…I really love you so much,” he concluded, forlorn.

I really did not expect a proper confession from He Yu, nor such a cute, heartbreaking, tearful, and heartfelt one at that. This was so damn cute.
He Yu is of the mind that XQC is going to make fun of him or cuss him out, but... I actually think XQC is going to play it cool. Then he's going to take some time to think about it rationally. But I don't think he's going to hate it.

He Yu knew that holding Xie Qingcheng was like holding snow, that kissing him was like kissing frost, that loving him was like drinking poison wine; all of it was destined to end in unrequited heartbreak.

POETIC AS *FUCK.*
I love this.

Xie Qingcheng was at a complete loss. He Yu was like an exquisite million-dollar glass statue that would shatter from a single careless word. He’d never be able to pay back the cost if it broke, so he didn’t dare touch it without thought.

Another beautiful analogy. Meatbun is really popping off in this scene!!
Honestly, while some of her writing choices are questionable, there's no denying that she writes some truly amazing confession scenes.
I am RIVETED.

He said he loved him.
Dammit.
How the fuck am I supposed to deal with this?

Love that XQC finally getting confessed to is lowkey hilarious.

“I would love you if you were a woman. I’d love you even if you were my dad, much less an uncle.”
Xie Qingcheng found He Yu’s sweet talk utterly absurd.

Me, too, Xie Qingcheng. Me, too.

Xie Qingcheng realized he’d been tricked.
He Yu wasn’t Li Ruoqiu. He wouldn’t obediently listen to Xie Qingcheng’s lectures point by point. Not only would he talk back, he would even set traps for him.

Tricking XQC into saying "I love you" just for a little kick is so funny. Also, Hua Cheng coded.

“The most important part of love is ‘I love you.’ Without those words, it’s nothing at all. You need to have love before you can talk about responsibility. What are you doing otherwise, giving charity?” He Yu didn’t mince his words. “That was your relationship with Li Ruoqiu. You didn’t love her at all, and that’s where you were in the wrong. You felt guilty, so you played along and stayed with someone you didn’t love, hurting you both in the end. You turned your own marriage into an act of service. Who are you to tell me I don’t understand love?”

This might be the best thing He Yu has ever said.
Not even just character-wise (because it seriously shows some development and maturity on his end); this is such a well-spoken sentiment.

“With you, I’d be willing to be condemned to death any number of times,” He Yu insisted. “If reincarnation exists, I’d gladly die with you a thousand times—a million times! As long as in one of those lives, you’ll believe that I really do love you.”

This is the most romantic thing I've heard since reading Heaven Official's Blessing.
And it came from HE YU.

It was truly beyond comprehension. Doctor Xie had no clue what to say.
He Yu, on the other hand, had said his piece. Now that he’d expressed his deep love and innermost emotions, he wiped his tears again and pulled himself together.
“So, Xie Qingcheng, now that you know the truth, you won’t blame yourself anymore, right?” he asked.
No, Xie Qingcheng blamed himself even more than before.

This actually made me laugh out loud.
XQC thinking that he was a bad psychiatrist and caused HY all these psychological issues. HY telling him "No, it's not your fault that I've been acting weird! I'm just in love with you!" And XQC noted that he actually fucked up even more than he originally thought.

He wouldn’t ask for much at all—as long as Xie Qingcheng knew about his love and let him be good to him, He Yu would be so very obedient and tame.

This is so adorable and heartbreaking and sweet and pathetic. I LOVE IT.

An entire damn day had passed, yet He Yu’s words were still echoing in his head.
Goddammit! He couldn’t understand the nonsense young people spouted.

I'm glad this has turned from a psychological horror into a comedy. HY saying he's going to pursue XQC and XQC just being like "!!!!?" and then HY saying "Ok, thanks for agreeing!" and XQC being like "???!"

As far as other people were concerned, Wei Dongheng was a troublemaker. She was the only one who knew better. Although he had a foul mouth, he was good at heart. He could even be a bit silly in a way she found very endearing. By contrast, her brother was rigid and old-fashioned. If he found out that she was dating Wei Dongheng of all people, he would probably…
She didn’t dare finish the thought.

Oh, Xie Xue if only you knew...
(If only you knew your perfect brother had a MUCH more questionable boyfriend to introduce you to.)
(I cannot WAIT.)

You say you’re in love with an uncle? Very well then, you can come and keep that uncle company while he partakes in health-conscious activities for the middle-aged. Experience the generational gap for yourself before you say such things again.

BAHAHAHAHA THIS IS AMAZING!
XQC choosing a boring old-person restaurant to keep things as unromantic as possible is so funny to me. And HY had made such a nice reservation at that fancy, upscale restaurant full of couples, too. Hilarious.

“Forget it,” Xie Qingcheng said. “I’m hardly bothered by your childish behavior. But you must understand—no matter what you do, I’ll never develop feelings for you. Your actions are a complete waste of time and energy.”
“No. Time I spend on you is never wasted. Thank you for allowing me to keep you company.”

I'm absolutely loving IMMENSELY this playful, puppy-eyed, happy-go-lucky, flirty side of He Yu. These interactions between our two leads are absolutely hilarious. They just keep going back and forth, round and round in circles, and it is immensely entertaining.

Finally, he tilted his face to the side. On the street flashing with neon lights, beneath the cover of the coat, he closed his eyes and kissed Xie Qingcheng on the lips.

IT'S HERE!!! THE SCENE DEPICTED IN THE ART AT THE FRONT OF THE BOOK!!!
At first I thought it looked like XQC was initiating the kiss in the picture, but A WIN IS A WIN.

The recording Chen Man showed him had occupied almost the entirety of his mental CPU, and He Yu’s appearance was like an annoying pop-up window showing up when his whole system was in the process of crashing. Xie Qingcheng was quite irritated with him right now.

This is both such an amazing analogy because of how apt it is and also entirely hilarious. He Yu really is the annoying pop-up window of XQC's life.

“He Yu, Chen Man is a kid I’ve known for over twenty years,” Xie Qingcheng began, his voice somber. “I’ve known him even longer than I’ve known you. I don’t know what he did to confuse you, but from my understanding of him, he isn’t that kind of person. I don’t believe there are that many brats who like to romance their uncles, but even if there are, I don’t think I’d be so unlucky as to run into not one, but two. What a double helping of fortune!”

Oh, Xie Qingcheng...
It really is a double helping of fortune. And the kids really do want to romance their uncle.

“This performance of ‘My Heart Will Go On’ is dedicated by Mister He to his Rose. Happy birthday, Miss Rose.”

CRAAAAZZZYY HAHAHAHAHAHA
When the band showed up for some student's confession, I assumed it was going to be some random students and that the idea would be foreshadowing for something He Yu would do later.
"MY HEART WILL GO ON" LMAOOOOO
This is too funny. Also, so cute that HY remembered XQC's birthday. And that's why he was being so weird earlier!

Before he could finish, He Yu took out a cake from the paper bag he’d brought with him. Xie Qingcheng was still traumatized by the last cake He Yu had given him. When he ate it on Neverland Island, he’d had a severe allergic reaction and had to go to the hospital to get an IV.

This had me LOLing. HY has done SEVERAL things by now to leave XQC traumatized, yet the worst of it was a fucking mango cake.

Chen Man was someone who’d been raised in normal society. No matter how deep his feelings for Xie Qingcheng, they were only one part of the whole.
He Yu was different. He only had Xie Qingcheng. All the love that he carried in his body, everything he’d had in his entire life—he had entrusted it to Xie Qingcheng alone.

OBSESSED WITH THIS AAAAGGGHHG

“How will you get out after I leave?” he demanded. “You just want to sacrifice yourself!” The glow of the flames seemed to gild He Yu’s face in a layer of gleaming light. His eyes were searing, resolute, and gentle—and also a bit unhinged. “If you won’t leave, I won’t leave either. Xie Qingcheng, I told you once when our lives were on the line: I’m not afraid of death. If you die, then there won’t be anyone important to me left in this world. I don’t know how many times I have to say it before you’ll believe me.” He Yu paused before continuing emphatically, “You’re not expendable. I can’t live without you. I can lose my life, but I can’t lose you. If you want to die, then we die together.”

God, this whole scene is so dramatic and just AMAZING. And the fact that XQC was actually touched!!

Hidden within Meiyu Hospital was a secret of his that He Yu didn’t yet know about. When Xie Qingcheng remembered that secret, then reread He Yu’s message with all its unguarded passion, he felt like something heavy had rammed into his ribs. His heart, which had just begun to thaw, grew cold and silent once more.

!!!!!!!!!!!!
OH, FOR THE LOVE OF--
WHAT COULD THIS POSSIBLE BE.
*5 minutes later*
Oh, right lmao. Xie Xue is in the hospital. I still don't know why this is a big secret??

You kissed me, so I’ll be sure to look after myself. Because I know you’ll kiss me a second time, a third time, a thousand more times in the future. When I think about that, I love this world so much—so much that death would never be able to take me away. Don’t worry, I’ll be careful. I love you.

THIS was the message He Yu sent to XQC???!
WELL NO WONDER "THE STIRRING IN HIS HEART INTENSIFIED" UPON READING THIS!!!

“It doesn’t look as if this treatment will act slowly,” the hospital director was saying to Xie Qingcheng, “unlike the one you prepared for her, where all these years have passed and she’s still…”

NO, WAIT. I WAS RIGHT. WE WERE BEING DECEIVED ABOUT XQC'S "SECRET AT THE HOSPITAL."
IT'S NOT XIE XUE, IS IT.
But who else does XQC know? A woman... His mom is definitely dead... His ex-wife seems unlikely...
(From what we learn towards the end, it seems like it could be Qin Ciyan's wife? Don't know why that would matter though...)
OH, WAIT. I think the secrecy is all of XQC's lab work that we learn about at the end. And his own worsening sickness. He literally said he only had, like, weeks left to live?? WHAT IS GOING ON.

“Chen Yan, you’re only just in your twenties. Your life is still ahead of you. You know as well as I do that Xie Qingcheng’s more than a decade older than you. He could be your uncle. Do you think it’s appropriate for you to say you like him?” He Yu calmly lectured him. “Your age gap is clear as day. It’s not realistic. Would you date a woman a decade older than you? No? Then, of course you couldn’t be with Xie Qingcheng. And a relationship between two guys is unstable by nature.” After a pause, he added, “This isn’t any of my business, but since I saw everything that happened in the basement, it’s my duty to warn you, given our friendship. I hope you can understand your feelings, and do what’s best for you.”

PEAK comedy is HY giving another guy the same lecture that XQC has given HY in the most hypocritical and ironic way possible.

[Kosztadinovszki Vanda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This volume was a bit slower-paced than the previous ones. He Yu is more obsessed with Xie Qingcheng than ever, but he has finally reached the point where he doesn't force himself on him. Because he realizes that if he truly loves him, he shouldn't do such things. What an improvement...

Xie Qingcheng finds out that He Yu fell out of the window while being sick. He feels responsible for not taking him seriously, which resulted in He Yu's accident. And finally, He Yu musters up the courage and tells him that he loves him. The funny thing is, Xie Qingcheng not only doesn't take him seriously, but he even thinks that He Yu is still young, so he'll probably find someone new as his passion for him will fade as quickly as it grew. And he goes on to compare He Yu to Li Ruoqiu in this aspect. What? Even He Yu himself realised and told him that the reason why Li Ruoqiu cheated on him and eventually divorced him was because he didn't return her love, didn't care about her, and only married her because he thought this was what he should do. And now he thinks it's because she just stopped loving him and wanted someone new? It was so infuriating to read this part. This is the second time I actually agreed with He Yu when he told this exact same thing to Xie Qingcheng. (The first time was when, after meeting Li Ruoqiu on New Year's Eve, He Yu told something similar to him.) On the other hand, I also understand Xie Qingcheng when it comes to He Yu's sudden confession. It really does feel like He Yu is overly obsessed with him, and given their big age gap, not to mention their previous doctor-patient relationship, it just feels wrong. Since he was a child, He Yu had no one to rely on; no one cared about him except Xie Qingcheng, so it seems reasonable that he became obsessed with him.

There was one part that I found especially funny:
"In that case, let me keep you company. Xie-ge, I'm telling you, I'm young, strong, fun, capable -I guarantee that I can provide you with a user experience like no other! You don't need to feel pressure to commit, either. Since you're sure you won't fall in love with me, why not test me out? It wouldn't hurt to just give me a try-" To which Xie Qingcheng's response is standing up and saying "Waiter, check please." I could almost see his expression of having enough of his bullshit while reading this. This was just hilarious.

This time He Yu managed to really get to know Xie Qingcheng's personality and, based on his knowledge of him deduce what Xie Qingcheng would do in certain situations. Perhaps loving him changed him in a way that He Yu now wants to understand him and cares about what he does.

The two of them entering Zhilong Entertainment's headquarters was interesting and disappointing at the same time. He Yu solving every problem, hacking into every system, and just knowing the right code every time to get them through a door felt too cliché and too easy. They practically breezed through the building and went in unnoticed. The scene where they climbed over the wall while one of the guards started turning the electric fence back on was exciting, at least, and was portrayed well. However, Chen Man also appearing there again felt too cliché. And he even walked in via the front door. Is he that dumb? Well, he isn't a hacker like He Yu, but that was still a dumb move. No wonder he was captured. The two guards entering the basement and discussing how they'll just destroy all evidence first, then flee again felt too cliché and too ridiculous to take seriously.

It's funny how even Chen Man realizes that Xie Qingcheng thinks too little of himself, thinking he is unimportant, no one cares about him, and no one will care if he were to die, so that's why he is so bent on sacrificing himself every time just to save others.

He Yu telling Chen Man that Xie Qingcheng won't ever return his feelings as he is not gay was both sad, as it reflected his own thoughts about Xie Qingcheng's attitude towards him, and badass as well. The way He Yu used his blood toxin to force Xie Qingcheng to leave to save his life was even more badass. Finally, he did something without wanting anything in return. It's probably not the first time, but the first time he did it knowing he does it out of his love for him.

It becomes even more evident in this volume that just as much as He Yu is dependent on Xie Qingcheng, it's in Xie Qingcheng's nature to protect and live for the people, who are dependent on him. In a way, they're perfect for each other. Xie Qingcheng practically feels like it's his duty to do so, just like how He Yu is obsessed with Xie Qingcheng. It's almost as if he needs people to be dependent on him because that's what gives his life purpose and meaning, and otherwise feels useless and his life meaningless. It's kind of sad when you think about it this way.

It was understandable but a bit annoying when He Yu kept asking why Xie Qingcheng kissed him, and kept thinking there was hope that he would return his feelings one day. Meanwhile, completely forgetting that he had asked Xie Qingcheng before going to Zhilong Entertainment's headquarters, to kiss him before he dies, because dying for love is alluring for him. Of course, in that moment, this wasn't the reason why Xie Qingcheng did that. Xie Qingcheng wasn't even aware why; it was probably a subconscious decision to kiss He Yu. But still, He Yu's inner monologue was just far too annoying to read.

Huang Zhilong is probably one of the most despicable characters in this series, but definitely the most despicable one in this volume. He even dares to think that Jiang Liping "...was so devoted that sometimes he felt he didn't deserve it." Really? Only sometimes? But then again, that's why he is a villain.

Jiang Liping is a likeable character, and it was just horrible to read about her past, and everything she did in order to make these disgusting, despicable people pay for their crimes is very commendable. She also avenged the suffering and death of Jin Xiuhe. It was truly horrible what happened to her and all the other victims those men kidnapped and abused for years. Jiang Liping was right. Huang Zhilong and the likes of him really deserved a lot slower and more painful death than just a shot in the head.

He Yu's message to Xie Qingcheng near the end was both annoying and sweet. It was annoying that he immediately assumed Xie Qingcheng would kiss him again many times just because he initiated a kiss once. And he knows Xie Qingcheng did not kiss him out of love either. But He Yu saying that even thinking about Xie Qingcheng kissing him again in the future makes him love the world and not want to die, so he'll be careful, and he loves him is just too sweet to melt anyone's heart. Reading those lines just makes it so unbelievable how he could do such a despicable thing like raping him. Which, by the way, Xie Qingcheng forgave him the moment he saw how much He Yu regretted doing that. It was a bit infuriating because even if he forgave what happened that night, it wasn't like he only did it once. Even if he showed some restraint for a while now, he still flaunted how he is holding himself back at any chance he got. So He Yu's last lovely message leaves a bitter taste in my mouth, that's for sure.

After leaving the headquarters, the scenes became too episodic. I get that each of them went to do different things to catch the criminals, but the transition from one scene to another could have been a bit smoother. Huang Zhilong discussing their escape with a fake passport and forcing the employees at the airport to listen to him, and even mentioning the name of his "boss," while on board the plane felt like a ridiculous scene from a parody. However, his capture at the airport was executed well and was mildly interesting. The fate of Jiang Liping was sad, but even if she were to survive this time, and even if they didn't know she is an informant of the police, sooner or later, her higher-ups would have eliminated her so she won't tell on them to the cops.

The ending scene with Xie Qingcheng doing some mysterious things in the hospital in secret and hoping He Yu won't find out somehow gave me the feeling that no matter what he is up to I won't like it when I find out what that is.

Overall, it was an interesting read. And He Yu was right. Xie Qingcheng did start to change somehow.

[Veronika · Rating 5 out of 5]

"No matter how damaged he had become, he was still needed, still useful. His existence was not meaningless to this world.
But it had been a very long time since anyone had said these words to him in earnest."

Can't believe He Yu managed to not have gay sex with his psychiatrist for an entire volume.

Volume 5 continues where He Yu left of last time: that is by realizing he's in love with Xie Qingcheng. After a nearly catastrophic breakdown, Xie Qingcheng plans to leave He Yu because he feels that he failed as his doctor and apologizes to him; in turn He Yu, who had been trying to push Xie Qingcheng away for his own safety doesn't want to cause pain to Xie Qingcheng and confesses, expecting to be laughed at.
Xie Qingcheng doesn't laugh at him but he doesn't accept either, he tries to convince He Yu that he's confusing lust for love or dependence on a fatherly figure for love.
And throughout the rest of this volume we see as Xie Qingcheng realizes He Yu is very very serious about this love. What's more shocking to him is that he himself has started having feelings for He Yu, something which he considers shameful and inadmissible.
(If he didn't stop this in time wouldn't he really be a scumbag pervert who had improper relations with a university student but refused to take responsibility? (...) He'd gained so much from that opportunity, then turned around and seduced Executive He's son -- Extremely funny how Xie Qingcheng immediately takes the role of the disgusting pervert who's despoiling He Yu in his own imagination)
Xie Qingcheng realizes that not only is He Yu in love with him, but this love is currently the one thing keeping him tethered. If Xie Qingcheng dies, if something happens to him, He Yu is willing to die with him because he will have nothing left to live for. That's the true terrifying force of the devotion he sees from He Yu.
(extremely cute note -- immediately as Xie Qingcheng's motherly instincts of being needed are stimulated his ice heart starts melting)
Great volume, binged it all at once during a plane flight. I'll have to get used to some line changes in this translation though they're not bad, just new!

[Hailey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ahhhh I missed them so much! I love how Xie Qingcheng totally looks over He Yus feelings for him, thinking nothing of it, while He Yus thoughts are all of his love and desire for Xie Qingcheng and constantly trying to suppress it. Old man Xie can’t help his straight man obliviousness haha. Also I love when He Yus thoughts are kisses xqc’s mole on the back of his neck it is so cute!

Xie Qingcheng opening up to He Yus and He Yu confessing to him after while crying and hugging him, I was not prepared to cry like this. Like I know I did it to myself, but I just want them to be happy!

The scene with the fire and Xie ge being the one to initiate the kiss and finally recognizing how much He Yu loves him, how am I to recover?!! Also hy and xqc working together to get through Zhilong entertainment’s headquarters, like I love the way they complement each other and have their own strengths that allow them to get through the building with minimal difficulty.

Ahh I know xqc is stubborn, but I wish he would rely on others more and take care of his health. I hope he can at least share things with He Yu so he has someone else to rely on that understands and can look after for him.

I really enjoyed reading this volume, the plot is interesting and I am happy that Xie Qingcheng is less cold, although I am bit worried he will close up again after seeing his thoughts about He Yus father haha. I am worried about Duan Wen and He Yus mother trying to use He Yu in some way. If she were to find out hy’s interest in xqc, I am sure she wouldn’t be above using that to get hy into something. Super sad about Jiang Liping and her story with Jin Xiuhe, I wish she got to live to see everyone put behind bars. Anyways, I am excited for the next volume!!

[Ksenia · Rating 2 out of 5]

No greater love than the one between me and Meatbun's slop when in desperate need of an easy distraction - and nothing spells escapism like reading about psychological ebola and world's least engaging romance between two astonishingly dysfunctional tools. Very little effort went into making this tome, even the illustrations are extremely perfunctory, not to mention editing or a decent translation being nowhere in sight. There are moments when it's wonderfully unhinged and hilarious, and I am still somewhat intrigued by the main plot, but make no mistake - this series in particular is very much a bloated RP, which loves to talk endlessly in circles, and I would strongly recommend utilizing your library for it.

[vin · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.8
My God this vol started with "the little devil" chapter. You have no idea how much I missed xqc calling him his little devil. He called him little devil so many times this vol, it made up for the complete lack of it in the last one. My heart was already full just from that and then boom- the fire scene kiss?? I thought I was ready but it still hit me like a truck. And he yu’s reaction absolutely shattered me😭😭. Also, another major thing- he yu's confession??? Girl it was so heartfelt and raw. And I'm so glad xqc is slowly starting to realise his own feelings too. Slowly but surely it will all come together😌🫶.

Vol. 6 please come out soon! I can't wait to know what's gonna happen next. I am always on the verge of getting spoiled by that bird app😭

[Heather’s Reading Bubble · Rating 3 out of 5]

I feel like I should just stop doing reviews for this series because I am going to continue to say the same thing. I am very intrigued by the organization and what their ultimate goal is. I’m interested to know what Xie Qingcheng is hiding from He Yu. I really want to know more about the boy in heels. I found myself very moved by Jiang Lipings story and her devotion to her teacher. The reveal of Jiang Lanpeis true identity and the connection between the two women. All of that was great. But the romance aspects of this series are not interesting to me. I do not want He Yu and Xie Qingcheng to be together. Even Meatbun can’t pull this romance off for me. It’s the worst part of the series. I will continue to read because like I said I am interested in the mystery aspects of it all but the romance is going to continue to be a gigantic no for me. This will also probably be my last review for this series as I don’t want to keep repeating myself over and over again and annoy people.

[Elyse · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finally we are getting somewhere. I feel like I’ve been waiting for everything that happened in this volume for a long time. I’m actually looking forward to the next.

I also really loved the improvement in communication between He Yu and Xie QingCheng. I was laughing so hard about the conversation they had between each other regarding He Yu’s feelings.