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Addict In The Family: Stories of Loss, Hope, and Recovery
Witnessing the addiction of a family member or loved one is a heart-rending experience. But hope can prevail, as shown in this compelling revised and updated book. In Addict in the Family , the gripping stories of fathers, mothers, sons, and daughters of addicts offer important lessons on loving, detachment, intervention, and self care.
184 pages, Paperback
Published August 26, 2003
75 people are currently reading
634 people want to read
About the author
Beverly Conyers
7 books12 followersI began writing about addiction in 2003 after discovering that my younger daughter had become addicted to heroin. I wanted to learn everything I could about the disease and also to help others who were struggling to cope with a loved one’s addiction.
Over the years, I grew increasingly interested in the process of recovery, which led me to confront the destructive role that alcohol has played in my own life. I’ve come to believe that most addictions (including compulsive behaviors and self-defeating thought patterns) are an attempt to escape the pain of simply being who we are (or who we think we are). My fourth book, FIND YOUR LIGHT: PRACTICING MINDFULNESS TO RECOVER FROM ANYTHING, explores how mindfulness can support recovery by gently guiding us toward self-knowledge, self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-love.
Q & A with Beverly Conyers
HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE ADDICTION?
Addiction is rampant in our society and takes many forms, including substance use, disordered eating, gambling, compulsive Internet use, hoarding, video game addiction, porn or sex addiction, and self-defeating thought patterns. These problematic patterns of thinking and behaving enter the realm of addiction when they create persistent, serious problems in our life. These can include fractured relationships, workplace problems, and compromised mental and physical health.
WHAT'S BEHIND ALL THESE ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS?
Most people with addictions live with deep feelings of shame and inadequacy – the belief that we’re just not “good enough” as we are. These painful feelings of being fundamentally unacceptable – which often operate at a subconscious level -- help fuel addiction and undermine recovery. We’re constantly looking for distractions and escape because we find it so hard to be alone with our thoughts – most of which are based on deeply ingrained but ultimately false ideas about ourselves and our world.
HOW CAN MINDFULNESS HELP WITH RECOVERY?
Addiction is about escape. Mindfulness is about awareness. It opens our eyes to new ways of understanding ourselves and our world. It helps us recognize the false beliefs and damaging thoughts that prevent us from finding happiness and peace of mind. It teaches us to value all living things, including ourselves, and allows us to see ourselves as part of a greater whole. As awareness grows, we begin to awaken our innate talents, strengths, and moral goodness. And by learning to let go of the automatic thoughts that consume so much of our mental energy, we free ourselves to discover who we really are. We find out what really matters to us and develop the values, sense of purpose, and self-discipline that lay the foundation for genuine happiness.
Over the years, I grew increasingly interested in the process of recovery, which led me to confront the destructive role that alcohol has played in my own life. I’ve come to believe that most addictions (including compulsive behaviors and self-defeating thought patterns) are an attempt to escape the pain of simply being who we are (or who we think we are). My fourth book, FIND YOUR LIGHT: PRACTICING MINDFULNESS TO RECOVER FROM ANYTHING, explores how mindfulness can support recovery by gently guiding us toward self-knowledge, self-acceptance, self-compassion, and self-love.
Q & A with Beverly Conyers
HOW WOULD YOU DEFINE ADDICTION?
Addiction is rampant in our society and takes many forms, including substance use, disordered eating, gambling, compulsive Internet use, hoarding, video game addiction, porn or sex addiction, and self-defeating thought patterns. These problematic patterns of thinking and behaving enter the realm of addiction when they create persistent, serious problems in our life. These can include fractured relationships, workplace problems, and compromised mental and physical health.
WHAT'S BEHIND ALL THESE ADDICTIVE BEHAVIORS?
Most people with addictions live with deep feelings of shame and inadequacy – the belief that we’re just not “good enough” as we are. These painful feelings of being fundamentally unacceptable – which often operate at a subconscious level -- help fuel addiction and undermine recovery. We’re constantly looking for distractions and escape because we find it so hard to be alone with our thoughts – most of which are based on deeply ingrained but ultimately false ideas about ourselves and our world.
HOW CAN MINDFULNESS HELP WITH RECOVERY?
Addiction is about escape. Mindfulness is about awareness. It opens our eyes to new ways of understanding ourselves and our world. It helps us recognize the false beliefs and damaging thoughts that prevent us from finding happiness and peace of mind. It teaches us to value all living things, including ourselves, and allows us to see ourselves as part of a greater whole. As awareness grows, we begin to awaken our innate talents, strengths, and moral goodness. And by learning to let go of the automatic thoughts that consume so much of our mental energy, we free ourselves to discover who we really are. We find out what really matters to us and develop the values, sense of purpose, and self-discipline that lay the foundation for genuine happiness.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews
December 18, 2009
I thought it was an excellent book. It answers a lot of questions including:
- Who gets addicted and why? (Nobody want to be an addict).
- The challenges of co-occurring disorders (alcohol along with mental disorders like anxiety, depression, bipolar)
- What's it like to be inside the addiction? How do you get out?
- How to talk to an addict (lots of good tips "say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't be mean)
- What helps and what does not in dealing with an addict
- What happens to the body and mind including the fact of a "progressive disease"... it gets worse over time
- Steps you can take to stay healthy yourself; and to be supportive, not enabling of the addict. In fact a lot of the book is how to stay sane rather than "addicted to the addict"
The book is an easy, interesting read with many good personal stories. It will make you feel less alone with this challenge, and give you some good tips for dealing with the addict in your life, and your own emotions related to the addict.
- Who gets addicted and why? (Nobody want to be an addict).
- The challenges of co-occurring disorders (alcohol along with mental disorders like anxiety, depression, bipolar)
- What's it like to be inside the addiction? How do you get out?
- How to talk to an addict (lots of good tips "say what you mean, mean what you say, but don't be mean)
- What helps and what does not in dealing with an addict
- What happens to the body and mind including the fact of a "progressive disease"... it gets worse over time
- Steps you can take to stay healthy yourself; and to be supportive, not enabling of the addict. In fact a lot of the book is how to stay sane rather than "addicted to the addict"
The book is an easy, interesting read with many good personal stories. It will make you feel less alone with this challenge, and give you some good tips for dealing with the addict in your life, and your own emotions related to the addict.
August 10, 2011
Most addiction books are written for and about the Recovering Addict, and rightly so. This book is for the people who love an addict.
The book covers a variety of topics - the physical and emotional aspects of being an addict, and living with an addict. Reading it leaves you informed, equipped, validated and hopeful.
I would recommend this book very highly to anyone touched by addiction - parents, siblings, family and friends. And also to therapists, councillors, ministers, doctors and social workers.
It is a very good book. Read it!
The book covers a variety of topics - the physical and emotional aspects of being an addict, and living with an addict. Reading it leaves you informed, equipped, validated and hopeful.
I would recommend this book very highly to anyone touched by addiction - parents, siblings, family and friends. And also to therapists, councillors, ministers, doctors and social workers.
It is a very good book. Read it!
November 23, 2017
Wow, I really like Beverly Conyers. Both books of hers that I’ve read have been just what I needed. I appreciate the straightforward, compassionate way she presents her thoughts and shares anecdotes from addicts and their families. I wish I had read this years ago when my understanding of addiction was so limited, and my expectations unrealistic. The book is relatable, and hope is threaded throughout, even as she lays down some straight talk about why it’s so incredibly hard to overcome addiction. I highly recommend this to anyone who has an addicted loved one.
July 13, 2024
Eye opening. As someone who grew up with an alcoholic father and who is still in Her 40s trying to navigate the alcoholism of some people she loves dearly, I found this book to be a comfort. The feelings I have are normal and what I’ve tried is normal, but not helpful. I cannot control their behavior, I can only control my reaction to what happens or has happened and I have to let go. The control freak and fixer in me will struggle to follow this very important guidance.
If you love an addict. Read this.
If you love an addict. Read this.
September 2, 2009
She knows what she's talking about. The author's daughter is addicted to heroin, so the author has experienced all that she details in this excellent, readable book. She draws on lots of others' experience, as well as good information and statistics (though the book is a little older now), to discuss addiction, how it affects the body of an addict, how it affects those who love the addict, how best to help the addict, and what families must do to survive the addict. Even if readers DON'T have addicts in their families, I would urge them to read this book so that they can understand the issue and exercise compassion, rather than judgment, on families who do experience this awful trauma.
January 3, 2013
My favorite recovery book! My bible of addiction/ and recovery. A must read for parents new to addiction!
February 18, 2017
Such a great book!
November 1, 2022
I can appreciate that this book was written nearly 20 years ago and MUCH has changed in the world of addiction and recovery since that time. First off, I want to also offer that I have a deep appreciation for the author sharing her story related to her daughter's addiction - this story likely served as a beacon of hope for other parents struggling and likely feeling so alone in their experiences. And I wish the author would have more strongly framed these experiences as experiences rather than taking her experiences and those of others and painting all of addiction with the same brush. Many of the same old narratives and tropes of addiction persisted here and were presented as facts, rather than anecdotes or opinions, which feels troublesome and problematic. Again, I appreciate and see the value and utility in sharing stories and think it would have been more helpful if they were left as personal experiences rather than being presented as the objective truth about addiction. The "Paths to Recovery" chapter felt the most helpful, compassionate and useful. Overall, the book was also very AA/12-step heavy, with lots of "addict" language and presenting the brain disease model of addiction as fact despite it being one of many theories of addiction.
May 30, 2022
"Addict in the Family" is an excellent book for families to learn about drug addiction. I first read it after I learned about my son's addiction to heroin, and re-read it as his addiction progressed and after his death. I felt like Ms. Conyers was looking over my shoulder as I read her story because it was so similar to what I was experiencing with my son. This book gives more practical and useful information about addiction than any other book I read, and I read many! When I wrote my son's story of addiction in "The Last Stop," I referenced "Addict in the Family" when writing about the stigma of addiction, an addict's love for his drug but also for the lifestyle, and the psychological basis for addiction. I highly recommend "Addict in the Family" and would be honored if my book can help someone as much as Ms. Conyers's book helped me.
August 19, 2025
I’m not much of a self help type book reader but currently family struggles has me reaching for anything. I googled books about families dealing with a loved one being an addict and saw this one was available as an audiobook right away on Spotify so I decided to try it. I actually ended up really liking it- in that it helped educate me on addiction and how families can cope and help. It’s been such a roller coaster of emotions dealing with this and I feel as though this book has really helped me take away some key factors. I hope to apply these to my daily life to try and navigate this tough time a little better.
March 17, 2022
So many things to reflect on in my years. It is not always good to learn the things you hid were enabling the addict. It is not ok to take on all the blame for the lies that they did while drinking as well as the ones while sober. Between alcohol and pills or whatever it is you have endured know that there is help out there to get you through so that you can have a normal life and learn to detach from those who harm you.
March 20, 2018
Todd was voicing persistent questions that haunt anyone who has ever loved an addict:
“What did I do that caused this problem?” and “What can I do to fix it?” He had not yet discovered the simple truth about addiction that is so hard for families to accept: You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.
P11
Addicts may have many complaints, including major and minor grievances from years past. Some of their accusations may, in fact, have truth in them. Families may well have caused pain for the addicts. They may well have failed the addicts in some significant way. (After all, what human relationship is perfect?) But addicts bring up these problems not to clear the air or with the hope of healing old wounds. They bring them up solely to induce guilt, a tool with which they manipulate others in pursuit of their continued addiction.
P31
Families try desperately to say the right word or do the right thing that will snap their addict out of the insane behavior. They try reasoning, threatening, or any tactic that may formerly have affected the addict’s actions. But their efforts are usually futile – for the simple reason that the addict’s brain has been dramatically altered by addiction.
P36
Being aware of the signs of addiction but refusing to see their significance is quite common among family members in denial about an addiction problem.
P67
Dealing with addiction can drain all of the joy out of life, leading concerned family members to exist in a perpetual state of anxious exhaustion. The collateral damage of addiction doesn’t stop there. Marriages become strained as parents disagree about the best course of action. Children and spouses can feel abandoned as a family member showers unwavering attention on the addict and neglects everyone else.
P79
“What did I do that caused this problem?” and “What can I do to fix it?” He had not yet discovered the simple truth about addiction that is so hard for families to accept: You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.
P11
Addicts may have many complaints, including major and minor grievances from years past. Some of their accusations may, in fact, have truth in them. Families may well have caused pain for the addicts. They may well have failed the addicts in some significant way. (After all, what human relationship is perfect?) But addicts bring up these problems not to clear the air or with the hope of healing old wounds. They bring them up solely to induce guilt, a tool with which they manipulate others in pursuit of their continued addiction.
P31
Families try desperately to say the right word or do the right thing that will snap their addict out of the insane behavior. They try reasoning, threatening, or any tactic that may formerly have affected the addict’s actions. But their efforts are usually futile – for the simple reason that the addict’s brain has been dramatically altered by addiction.
P36
Being aware of the signs of addiction but refusing to see their significance is quite common among family members in denial about an addiction problem.
P67
Dealing with addiction can drain all of the joy out of life, leading concerned family members to exist in a perpetual state of anxious exhaustion. The collateral damage of addiction doesn’t stop there. Marriages become strained as parents disagree about the best course of action. Children and spouses can feel abandoned as a family member showers unwavering attention on the addict and neglects everyone else.
P79
June 28, 2018
This book is very helpful if you have an addict in the family. It describes the very real situations people find themselves in, often unawares. There are suggestions on how to deal with the situation and examples are numerous. Although the consequences can be heartbreaking, this book is really hopeful and helpful.
October 30, 2018
Dealing with Addiction
This was an easy to read book on what it is like to cope with a loved one that is battling with substance abuse. A great perspective from someone that has lived and gone through this herself.
This was an easy to read book on what it is like to cope with a loved one that is battling with substance abuse. A great perspective from someone that has lived and gone through this herself.
August 19, 2019
Used as research for an upcoming novel. Very good non-technical analysis of addiction's effect on a family, including perspectives from family members and from addicts as well. There's some science, but most of it is on relationship dynamics, and all of it presented with compassion and insight.
October 13, 2024
Quick read, albeit one that took me a bit of time to complete. Useful strategies and stories that served as points of comparison for me in dealing with addiction.
I appreciate the research and emotional labor Ms. Conyers put into this book. It helped me.
I appreciate the research and emotional labor Ms. Conyers put into this book. It helped me.
May 11, 2020
Recommended to me by my son's counselor. Very easy to read and understand. Really opened my eyes on so many levels.
May 23, 2021
Good book with good information, I just wished it covered a broader spectrum of drug abusers. I'm looking for books about families dealing with meth addiction and that wasn't mentioned in here.
December 3, 2021
This book helped me
July 28, 2022
A well written book with a combination of personal narratives and research. This book should be a must read for anyone supporting people touched by addiction.
January 15, 2023
This book gave me so much insight on the unfortunate ‘addicted’ as well as tools to learn how to cope with having a loved one inflicted by addiction.
April 13, 2023
I'll be listening to this many times over. Powerful. Healing. Mother's of addiction need this book. Forgiveness.
July 6, 2024
"Recovery, like addiction itself, is a long and complex process."
August 2, 2024
In the midst of my child's addiction, this book added to my feelings of hopelessness.
September 6, 2025
my take aways, I learned more about the addicted brain, it's not my fault, I must also take care of myself in the journey
October 1, 2025
4.5⭐️
Read this for school and it was so good!! Everyone needs to read this whether you have an addict in the family or not
Read this for school and it was so good!! Everyone needs to read this whether you have an addict in the family or not
April 20, 2024
Too many anecdotes, not enough guidance. Not as helpful as I had hoped.
February 25, 2017
I've been researching addiction recently, and I really think it must be one of the most heartbreaking things there are in this life. But this is a good book, and gives some small glimmers of hope and life amidst all of it. It was hard to read this, for someone who's had almost no experience of addiction before, but I'm very glad I did.
January 28, 2021
I thought this was a great book for families affected by addiction. The experience of reading this book felt less like a literary excursion and more like participating in an interactive support group. The author drew from her personal experience, having a daughter with a heroin addiction, and connected well with readers. There wasn't anything particularly noteworthy or different about the recommendations made in the book from other similar reads. However, I thought Conyers did a great job making the content relatable and practical for families. Although the book centered around many AA and NA concepts, Conyers wasn't diehard to the AA cause and recommended families be open to a variety of structured programs like SMART recovery. Overall, I thought this could be very helpful to families.
July 27, 2014
The subtitle of this book led me to believe that the book would be a compilation of stories, and that the reader would be able to compare stories and outcomes. My thought when I bought the book was that I could learn from the mistakes and successes of others. No such luck. Perhaps it's not possible in this sort of situation. My son's addiction, my brother's alcoholism, both are much on my mind right now. I have so many questions and very few answers. This book doesn't offer answers, really, but it does offer information, heavily seasoned with quotes and snippets of stories from parents who've been in my situation. It's well worth reading. I read it on my Nook when I couldn't sleep.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews