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You Didn't Hear This From Me: Notes on the Art of Gossip
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Readers' Favorite Nonfiction (2025)A deliciously insightful exploration of why we are so obsessed with gossip, and what it can tell us about humans and their search for truth
Can you keep a secret? It’s harder than it seems – after all, it’s only human to thirst after the juicy updates, jaw-dropping stories, and idle chatter that we typically collect over drinks with friends. No one knows this better than journalist Kelsey McKinney, whose Normal Gossip podcast has accrued a listenership of millions.
In YOU DIDN'T HEAR THIS FROM ME, McKinney explores the murkiness of everyday storytelling. What even is gossip, and why is it considered a sin? Why are we obsessed with the details of celebrity drama and tabloid headlines? How do we use and abuse gossip – and why do we want to do it at all? McKinney dives deep into a range of cultural cornerstones – from the Epic of Gilgamesh as told by chatbots, to the scandalous betrayals in The Traitors – and captures the heart of how enchanting and fun it can be to lean over and whisper something a little salacious into your friend’s ear.
With wit and honesty, McKinney unmasks what we're actually searching for when we demand to know the truth – and how much the truth really matters in the first place.
Can you keep a secret? It’s harder than it seems – after all, it’s only human to thirst after the juicy updates, jaw-dropping stories, and idle chatter that we typically collect over drinks with friends. No one knows this better than journalist Kelsey McKinney, whose Normal Gossip podcast has accrued a listenership of millions.
In YOU DIDN'T HEAR THIS FROM ME, McKinney explores the murkiness of everyday storytelling. What even is gossip, and why is it considered a sin? Why are we obsessed with the details of celebrity drama and tabloid headlines? How do we use and abuse gossip – and why do we want to do it at all? McKinney dives deep into a range of cultural cornerstones – from the Epic of Gilgamesh as told by chatbots, to the scandalous betrayals in The Traitors – and captures the heart of how enchanting and fun it can be to lean over and whisper something a little salacious into your friend’s ear.
With wit and honesty, McKinney unmasks what we're actually searching for when we demand to know the truth – and how much the truth really matters in the first place.
262 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 11, 2025
991 people are currently reading
41610 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,617 reviews
February 14, 2025
You Didn’t Hear This From Me blends memoir, pop culture analysis, and historical gossip, creating an engaging but somewhat disjointed read. While the book is easy to fly through, its structure lacks a strong connecting thread, making the chapters feel loosely connected rather than building on each other in a meaningful way.
Each chapter explores a different theme, with some sections feeling much stronger than others. The historical aspects, particularly Kelsey’s examination of how religion has shaped perceptions of gossip over time, stood out as especially compelling. The memoir elements also shine, as her voice and opinions bring a personal and engaging touch just like her podcast. However, the pop culture references and anecdotes are more hit-or-miss. While they are enjoyable for those familiar with the reality TV and internet scandals she covers, some feel excessive and overly reliant on cultural moments that will be a relic a few years from now.
As a fan of the Normal Gossip podcast, I appreciated Kelsey’s familiar and endearing narrative voice throughout the book. Listeners of her podcast will likely enjoy getting to know her better, but should adjust their expectations - this isn’t a book filled with juicy gossip or fresh, controversial takes. Instead, it often reiterates well-known arguments: gossip is villainized primarily when women engage in it, it developed as a survival mechanism for sharing information, and religious influences have historically shaped its negative perception. While these points are valid, the book’s niche focus results in some repetition, making it feel less groundbreaking than expected.
Overall, while this book has engaging moments, its lack of cohesion and reliance on well-known observations kept it from being a standout. I didn’t feel like there was anything incredibly new being explored in this and frequently found myself wondering, what am I as a reader supposed to take away from these chapters or this work as a whole? Fans of her podcast may find it entertaining, but those looking for a deeper, more structured analysis of gossip might come away wanting more.
Thank you to the publisher, Grand Central Publishing, for an E-ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions shared in this review are my own.
Each chapter explores a different theme, with some sections feeling much stronger than others. The historical aspects, particularly Kelsey’s examination of how religion has shaped perceptions of gossip over time, stood out as especially compelling. The memoir elements also shine, as her voice and opinions bring a personal and engaging touch just like her podcast. However, the pop culture references and anecdotes are more hit-or-miss. While they are enjoyable for those familiar with the reality TV and internet scandals she covers, some feel excessive and overly reliant on cultural moments that will be a relic a few years from now.
As a fan of the Normal Gossip podcast, I appreciated Kelsey’s familiar and endearing narrative voice throughout the book. Listeners of her podcast will likely enjoy getting to know her better, but should adjust their expectations - this isn’t a book filled with juicy gossip or fresh, controversial takes. Instead, it often reiterates well-known arguments: gossip is villainized primarily when women engage in it, it developed as a survival mechanism for sharing information, and religious influences have historically shaped its negative perception. While these points are valid, the book’s niche focus results in some repetition, making it feel less groundbreaking than expected.
Overall, while this book has engaging moments, its lack of cohesion and reliance on well-known observations kept it from being a standout. I didn’t feel like there was anything incredibly new being explored in this and frequently found myself wondering, what am I as a reader supposed to take away from these chapters or this work as a whole? Fans of her podcast may find it entertaining, but those looking for a deeper, more structured analysis of gossip might come away wanting more.
Thank you to the publisher, Grand Central Publishing, for an E-ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions shared in this review are my own.
March 17, 2025
17/03/25 READ:
Gossip is my religion, this book is my Bible, and Kelsey McKinney is my God 🛐
01/05/24 TBR:
THIS IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE
Gossip is my religion, this book is my Bible, and Kelsey McKinney is my God 🛐
01/05/24 TBR:
THIS IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE
July 29, 2025
4 stars! ⭐️ this was a sharp, funny, and thought-provoking essay collection all about gossip… why we do it & what it says about us!
I went in without having listened to the author’s podcast normal gossip, so everything felt fresh. in some ways, I think that helped. I wasn’t bringing any expectations, and the book stood totally on its own for me!
the audiobook is great and I’d definitely recommend listening. it’s structured more as a series of essays than a traditional narrative, which worked really well. kelsey mckinney focuses on the juiciest & most relevant angles of gossip without getting bogged down in trying to be all encompassing.
not every essay hit equally (my favorite pieces were in the first half) but overall it’s a smart, self-aware exploration of pop culture, social media, whisper networks, and how people connect. a fun one for anyone who grew up on gossip girl, john tucker must die, & britney spears 💫
I went in without having listened to the author’s podcast normal gossip, so everything felt fresh. in some ways, I think that helped. I wasn’t bringing any expectations, and the book stood totally on its own for me!
the audiobook is great and I’d definitely recommend listening. it’s structured more as a series of essays than a traditional narrative, which worked really well. kelsey mckinney focuses on the juiciest & most relevant angles of gossip without getting bogged down in trying to be all encompassing.
not every essay hit equally (my favorite pieces were in the first half) but overall it’s a smart, self-aware exploration of pop culture, social media, whisper networks, and how people connect. a fun one for anyone who grew up on gossip girl, john tucker must die, & britney spears 💫
December 17, 2025
This is pop science as a beach read: Fun and easily accessible, but shallow and ultimately contradictory. McKinney is a journalist and podcaster specializing (!) in gossip as a field of research, which, you know, raises certain expectations regarding the complexity of her argument. Her aim with this book: Saving the reputation of gossip by showing what positive social functions it serves, like bonding people, the search for truth, and making sense of the world via narration. She ventures to make her points by first providing a definition for gossip, and she outlines it as a situation in which people talk about a person who isn't present. Yes: If I'm on the phone with a friend and I tell her that my cousin likes sushi, or if I tell a colleague that pop star Jarvis Cocker is now a Booker judge, hooray!, that now qualifies as gossip. Let's put a pin in that.
So gossip, per McKinney, is not libel, but a practice to exchange information. And as she doesn't say reliable information, she's certainly right: Even lies say something - about the liar. It's also true that many things commonly qualify as gossip when women or queer people utter them, but as information when men ventilate them. Gossip is also about how a story is told - the author enters The Epic of Gilgamesh into ChatGPT to have it retold as gossip, and it's pretty hilarious. And then there are phenomena like #metoo and Whisper Networks as defenses against abuse based on gossip, and they undoubtedly did some good.
McKinney's is a very American book, full of very American examples regarding religion, high school and pop culture content. We learn about the importance of anonymity in gossip via Gossip Girl, Mean Girls (which is based on the non-fiction book Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence) as well as DeuxMoi. Plus we get celebrity content, and yes, of course it focuses on Britney Spears. But McKinney also illuminates how internet gossip can affect the average person, like one so-called West Elm Caleb who ghosted women and was publicly held accountable on the socials. There are chapters on reality tv (namely the "Real Housewives" franchise, again very American), urban legends, problematic artists (namely Picasso)... it's all over the place.
(It also contains a story with anonymized gossip, which I think refers to a literary rumor: Jonathan Safran Foer allegedly left his wife Nicole Krauss because he was sure Natalie Portman was into him - she wasn't.)
As the beginning of this review indicates, the definition of gossip is the main problem here: It's way too broad, and the broader the definition, the lazier the analysis. Hence, the conclusion is half-baked, to put it mildly: While the explanation of why people enjoy to indulge in gossip is convincing, the price of the effects is never honestly interrogated: I would contradict that gossiping is a search for truth; it can be, but it's more often an instrument of power, and power can be abused. In McKinney's exploration, the fact that we could just talk to people rather than about people to get to the truth is not even entertained. That celebrity gossip is parasocial is mentioned, but not what the actual consequences for the non-celebrity engaging in it are.
McKinney's book is heavily reliant on pop culture and literary references, and these references are great fun and smartly chosen, but they don't come together to form a new, convincing theory.
You can listen to the podcast gang discuss the German translation Gossip here: https://papierstaupodcast.de/podcast/...
So gossip, per McKinney, is not libel, but a practice to exchange information. And as she doesn't say reliable information, she's certainly right: Even lies say something - about the liar. It's also true that many things commonly qualify as gossip when women or queer people utter them, but as information when men ventilate them. Gossip is also about how a story is told - the author enters The Epic of Gilgamesh into ChatGPT to have it retold as gossip, and it's pretty hilarious. And then there are phenomena like #metoo and Whisper Networks as defenses against abuse based on gossip, and they undoubtedly did some good.
McKinney's is a very American book, full of very American examples regarding religion, high school and pop culture content. We learn about the importance of anonymity in gossip via Gossip Girl, Mean Girls (which is based on the non-fiction book Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends, and Other Realities of Adolescence) as well as DeuxMoi. Plus we get celebrity content, and yes, of course it focuses on Britney Spears. But McKinney also illuminates how internet gossip can affect the average person, like one so-called West Elm Caleb who ghosted women and was publicly held accountable on the socials. There are chapters on reality tv (namely the "Real Housewives" franchise, again very American), urban legends, problematic artists (namely Picasso)... it's all over the place.
(It also contains a story with anonymized gossip, which I think refers to a literary rumor: Jonathan Safran Foer allegedly left his wife Nicole Krauss because he was sure Natalie Portman was into him - she wasn't.)
As the beginning of this review indicates, the definition of gossip is the main problem here: It's way too broad, and the broader the definition, the lazier the analysis. Hence, the conclusion is half-baked, to put it mildly: While the explanation of why people enjoy to indulge in gossip is convincing, the price of the effects is never honestly interrogated: I would contradict that gossiping is a search for truth; it can be, but it's more often an instrument of power, and power can be abused. In McKinney's exploration, the fact that we could just talk to people rather than about people to get to the truth is not even entertained. That celebrity gossip is parasocial is mentioned, but not what the actual consequences for the non-celebrity engaging in it are.
McKinney's book is heavily reliant on pop culture and literary references, and these references are great fun and smartly chosen, but they don't come together to form a new, convincing theory.
You can listen to the podcast gang discuss the German translation Gossip here: https://papierstaupodcast.de/podcast/...
January 31, 2025
Finished Reading
Pre-Read notes
Gossip sort of fascinates me. Right now the issue of gossip is creating giant divisions in my biological family. We can't agree what gossip even is, let alone how to handle it as a family. I take the unpopular opinion that gossip happens naturally in families, as in, "How's Uncle Hank doing? How is Gramma's cancer battle going? How's my sister's new job going?" This is not gossip to me, but it is for people who are preoccupied with what is being said about them. I learned a long time ago not to pay any attention to what people say about me. I'm mentally ill, so people are mostly wrong about me anyway.
I hope I gain some clarity from reading this book, despite its humor. *edit The humor added a lot to this emotionally fraught discussion for me!
Final Review:
“Gossip is charming! History is merely gossip. But scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.” p152
Review summary and recommendations
This is one of those nonfiction book where the author's interest in her subject really shines through. Kelsey McKinney discusses her seemingly humble topic, gossip, from a number of insightful and surprising angles. I came to this book while experiencing a "gossip" issue in my life and came away with a deeper understanding of gossip and its role in human survival. I loved reading this book and learning to better understand this socially and morally charged topic.
I recommend this one for readers who are interested in learning more about gossip and the role it plays in different areas of human life, and fans of humor, memoir, and general nonfiction.
Reality exists without us, which is a comforting reminder. p142
Reading Notes
Three (or more) things I loved:
1. At its most basic, gossip is just one person talking to another about someone who isn’t present. That means, definitionally, that prayer requests are gossip. So much yes to this. It's easy to vilify gossip as women's talk or unChristian, but doing so holds gossip in a shortsighted perspective.
2. Well, McKinney just convinced me to read The Epic of Gilgamesh by sharing a gossip-style variation she received from ChatGPT. Also, I recommend this book to any writers who are nervous about AI stealing writing away from humans.
3. A meta-analysis published in Social Psychological and Personality Science in 2019 found that people spend approximately fifty-two minutes a day on average gossiping. (The study included only verbal gossiping, so it’s safe to say that fifty-two minutes a day is a low estimate . We are always texting now.) Most of those fifty-two minutes were gossip only in the strictest sense: talking about other people . Only 15 percent of the instances in which participants were gossiping was negative. p39 Gossip is normal.
4. I began to notice that these blanket renunciations of gossip as “negative” never defined who exactly the negativity was directed toward . Negativity is a value judgment. p45 The judgment of "negative" is meaningless when describing two-sided social .
5. In English, the word gossip”comes from the word “god-sibb,” a word used as early as the eleventh century to denote a person with whom you were emotionally intimate but not related. p53 As I speculated before I started this book, it seems gossip comes naturally in families.
6. Recording people in public as individuals does not create the exact same panopticon that the state generates by wiretapping or privacy invasion , but it does make the state’s ability to monitor us even easier. We have created our own surveillance state willingly, and we applaud ourselves for doing so. p123 We need to ask the hard questions about the kinds of gossip that are most powerful and potentially destructive.
7. [G]ossip is how we decide whom to trust and whom not to trust. It helps us decide who is safe and who is not, who will protect us and who won’t. Gossip is how we build our communities, and watching people build (and destroy) communities on television is still social learning. p129 Gossip actually serves an important social function. This is the reason I refused to "stop gossiping" within my family, because the members are abusive, and I feel a deep need to protect myself from them. Abusers in small systems have a lot of power, but one of the greatest sources is in the silence of their victims.
Rating: 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 /5 people talking
Recommend? yes
Finished: Jan 30 '25
Format: accessible digital arc, NetGalley
Read this book if you like:
📜 nonfiction
👥️ social commentary
😂 humor
🕰 history
Thank you to the author Kelsey McKinney, publishers Grand Central Publishing, and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of YOU DIDN'T HEAR THIS FROM ME. All views are mine.
---------------
Pre-Read notes
Gossip sort of fascinates me. Right now the issue of gossip is creating giant divisions in my biological family. We can't agree what gossip even is, let alone how to handle it as a family. I take the unpopular opinion that gossip happens naturally in families, as in, "How's Uncle Hank doing? How is Gramma's cancer battle going? How's my sister's new job going?" This is not gossip to me, but it is for people who are preoccupied with what is being said about them. I learned a long time ago not to pay any attention to what people say about me. I'm mentally ill, so people are mostly wrong about me anyway.
I hope I gain some clarity from reading this book, despite its humor. *edit The humor added a lot to this emotionally fraught discussion for me!
Final Review:
“Gossip is charming! History is merely gossip. But scandal is gossip made tedious by morality.” p152
Review summary and recommendations
This is one of those nonfiction book where the author's interest in her subject really shines through. Kelsey McKinney discusses her seemingly humble topic, gossip, from a number of insightful and surprising angles. I came to this book while experiencing a "gossip" issue in my life and came away with a deeper understanding of gossip and its role in human survival. I loved reading this book and learning to better understand this socially and morally charged topic.
I recommend this one for readers who are interested in learning more about gossip and the role it plays in different areas of human life, and fans of humor, memoir, and general nonfiction.
Reality exists without us, which is a comforting reminder. p142
Reading Notes
Three (or more) things I loved:
1. At its most basic, gossip is just one person talking to another about someone who isn’t present. That means, definitionally, that prayer requests are gossip. So much yes to this. It's easy to vilify gossip as women's talk or unChristian, but doing so holds gossip in a shortsighted perspective.
2. Well, McKinney just convinced me to read The Epic of Gilgamesh by sharing a gossip-style variation she received from ChatGPT. Also, I recommend this book to any writers who are nervous about AI stealing writing away from humans.
3. A meta-analysis published in Social Psychological and Personality Science in 2019 found that people spend approximately fifty-two minutes a day on average gossiping. (The study included only verbal gossiping, so it’s safe to say that fifty-two minutes a day is a low estimate . We are always texting now.) Most of those fifty-two minutes were gossip only in the strictest sense: talking about other people . Only 15 percent of the instances in which participants were gossiping was negative. p39 Gossip is normal.
4. I began to notice that these blanket renunciations of gossip as “negative” never defined who exactly the negativity was directed toward . Negativity is a value judgment. p45 The judgment of "negative" is meaningless when describing two-sided social .
5. In English, the word gossip”comes from the word “god-sibb,” a word used as early as the eleventh century to denote a person with whom you were emotionally intimate but not related. p53 As I speculated before I started this book, it seems gossip comes naturally in families.
6. Recording people in public as individuals does not create the exact same panopticon that the state generates by wiretapping or privacy invasion , but it does make the state’s ability to monitor us even easier. We have created our own surveillance state willingly, and we applaud ourselves for doing so. p123 We need to ask the hard questions about the kinds of gossip that are most powerful and potentially destructive.
7. [G]ossip is how we decide whom to trust and whom not to trust. It helps us decide who is safe and who is not, who will protect us and who won’t. Gossip is how we build our communities, and watching people build (and destroy) communities on television is still social learning. p129 Gossip actually serves an important social function. This is the reason I refused to "stop gossiping" within my family, because the members are abusive, and I feel a deep need to protect myself from them. Abusers in small systems have a lot of power, but one of the greatest sources is in the silence of their victims.
Rating: 🗣🗣🗣🗣🗣 /5 people talking
Recommend? yes
Finished: Jan 30 '25
Format: accessible digital arc, NetGalley
Read this book if you like:
📜 nonfiction
👥️ social commentary
😂 humor
🕰 history
Thank you to the author Kelsey McKinney, publishers Grand Central Publishing, and NetGalley for an advance digital copy of YOU DIDN'T HEAR THIS FROM ME. All views are mine.
---------------
April 27, 2025
This felt like a letdown to me! :(
I was so excited for this one, as I’m a massive fan of Normal Gossip/Kelsey McKinney’s podcast. I wish I’d remembered that this was a collection of essays, not a nonfiction book, because for the first half I was confused why this felt so disjointed.
For a nonfiction examination of gossip, I wanted to see more of what Kelsey McKinney thought. This is more like a compilation of academic/historical sources told secondhand which is kind of gossip in the way she defined it. But the way it’s told is mostly lacking the embellishment and storytelling she keeps referencing as essential.
VERY strange choice to open with the essay she chose to start with. First of all, I’d argue that the Odyssey and Epic of Gilgamesh are the wrong examples to call gossip when BEOWULF IS RIGHT THERE! And I’m
super disappointed and baffled by the decision to START with AI/chatgbt. Sure, AI can’t gossip, which supports her claim that gossip is what makes humans human, why we developed speech and communication to begin with, etc, but why not start with something more human, then?
There were stronger essays down the line, but her forays into deeply specific pop culture moments felt dated already. A weird take on Hannah Gadsby, seems to ignore that they’re a comedian ?
Best when it delves into memoir—her essays about her own relationship to gossip, through the lens of hearing loss or religious trauma, were what I wish we had more of.
In the end, very all over the place. But I do love gossip, so there’s always that.
I was so excited for this one, as I’m a massive fan of Normal Gossip/Kelsey McKinney’s podcast. I wish I’d remembered that this was a collection of essays, not a nonfiction book, because for the first half I was confused why this felt so disjointed.
For a nonfiction examination of gossip, I wanted to see more of what Kelsey McKinney thought. This is more like a compilation of academic/historical sources told secondhand which is kind of gossip in the way she defined it. But the way it’s told is mostly lacking the embellishment and storytelling she keeps referencing as essential.
VERY strange choice to open with the essay she chose to start with. First of all, I’d argue that the Odyssey and Epic of Gilgamesh are the wrong examples to call gossip when BEOWULF IS RIGHT THERE! And I’m
super disappointed and baffled by the decision to START with AI/chatgbt. Sure, AI can’t gossip, which supports her claim that gossip is what makes humans human, why we developed speech and communication to begin with, etc, but why not start with something more human, then?
There were stronger essays down the line, but her forays into deeply specific pop culture moments felt dated already. A weird take on Hannah Gadsby, seems to ignore that they’re a comedian ?
Best when it delves into memoir—her essays about her own relationship to gossip, through the lens of hearing loss or religious trauma, were what I wish we had more of.
In the end, very all over the place. But I do love gossip, so there’s always that.
February 12, 2025
Who knew there was so much to be said about gossip? Kelsey McKinney does, and she takes a deep dive into it. I learned quite a few new things about gossip. Primarily who does it, and why. Each chapter is further exploration through generations and how this ancient means of communicating has evolved.
I especially liked the chapter on Mean Girls. The rise of that culture and the references. I associate gossip with negativity and harm; there is plenty of that, but in following chapters a new spin unfolds to give alternate ideas on this backdoor way of relaying information.
This is a fun book if gossip awakens your senses and perhaps fuel for thinking compassionately, too.
Thanks to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for early access,
I especially liked the chapter on Mean Girls. The rise of that culture and the references. I associate gossip with negativity and harm; there is plenty of that, but in following chapters a new spin unfolds to give alternate ideas on this backdoor way of relaying information.
This is a fun book if gossip awakens your senses and perhaps fuel for thinking compassionately, too.
Thanks to NetGalley and Grand Central Publishing for early access,
Did not finish
April 30, 2025Nah. Dnf @ 3% when chatGPT was brought into it lol
May 1, 2025
This really didn't turn out to be anything like I thought it would. I was expecting a sociological deep dive into gossip, how the word has been changed and corrupted to push misogynistic views about women. How women and society in general has used gossip to keep themselves alive, used it to warn each other about bad behaviour of others or people to stay away from, used it to warn others about impending disasters, about neighbouring villages etc etc. And there was many one chapter on that, but the rest was genuinely just a pop culture recap.
I wanted more of the historical roots and the inherent sexism that comes along with the idea of gossip. I did enjoy the conversation surrounding gossip and religion - I thought it was insightful and interesting, especially the authors own experiences being shunned at a young age by her church for wanting to gossip, talked more about gossip than alot of other issues and in reality the church just didn't want people to gossip because it often releaved child abuse or other crimes committed by members of said church. And building off of that, the idea that men criticise women for gossiping, when in reality, they just don't like it because it often reveals bad things they have done. SOOOO much to talk about with such a broad topic but I felt like that opportunity was wasted. I don't really care about who cheated on who in Vanderpump Rules or about the intricacies of Gossip Girl and thats what this book turned out to be about.
Maybe that's my fault for having high expectations or not reading the blurb lol.
No quotes, listened on audio.
I wanted more of the historical roots and the inherent sexism that comes along with the idea of gossip. I did enjoy the conversation surrounding gossip and religion - I thought it was insightful and interesting, especially the authors own experiences being shunned at a young age by her church for wanting to gossip, talked more about gossip than alot of other issues and in reality the church just didn't want people to gossip because it often releaved child abuse or other crimes committed by members of said church. And building off of that, the idea that men criticise women for gossiping, when in reality, they just don't like it because it often reveals bad things they have done. SOOOO much to talk about with such a broad topic but I felt like that opportunity was wasted. I don't really care about who cheated on who in Vanderpump Rules or about the intricacies of Gossip Girl and thats what this book turned out to be about.
Maybe that's my fault for having high expectations or not reading the blurb lol.
No quotes, listened on audio.
August 26, 2025
3.5 - I expected this to either be a collection of stories or a history of gossip, and it was neither - more of a loosely connected bunch of opinion pieces with some quotes thrown in there. Still, an short & entertaining read and I’m now tempted to check out the podcast.
February 24, 2026
Teaaaa
February 13, 2025
I love a cultural critique through the lens of gossip. Thought it was well paced and balanced between research/personal reflection/analysis. Also really liked the contemporary references. Author is also so well fit for reading her audiobook. Thoroughly enjoyed this pov and the unique value gossip has in our lives!!
February 9, 2025
I’ll remember this book whenever I watch mean girls now.
The writing is clear, conversational, and covers some very interesting stuff. This reminded me of Jon Ronson’s books, which were some of my favorite nonfiction books for a long while.
A parasocial fandom chapter! A deuxmoi chapter! A viral content as surveillance chapter! A reality tv chapter! Like what a treat! 4.5 stars!
The writing is clear, conversational, and covers some very interesting stuff. This reminded me of Jon Ronson’s books, which were some of my favorite nonfiction books for a long while.
A parasocial fandom chapter! A deuxmoi chapter! A viral content as surveillance chapter! A reality tv chapter! Like what a treat! 4.5 stars!
August 23, 2025
“We gossip and we tell stories because that is how we each make sense of the world, with ourselves at the center reaching outward trying to connect with others, to prove to ourselves that we are real, that if anything is true, it is us.”
I LOVED this!!!!! This book tackles so many interesting topics like defining gossip and gossip in relation to history, religion, AI, pop culture, and more, all while feeling like someone was gossiping to ME. It was interesting and entertaining, which are not often synonymous to me when it comes to nonfiction.
This was especially relatable as an elder gen-z woman who grew up with all the references mentioned in the book, but I would recommend to anyone of any generation :)
I listened to the audiobook of this and I highly recommend because it feels all the more like gossip this way.
4.5 ⭐️ rounded up, and now I plan to listen to all of the author’s podcast byeeeee
I LOVED this!!!!! This book tackles so many interesting topics like defining gossip and gossip in relation to history, religion, AI, pop culture, and more, all while feeling like someone was gossiping to ME. It was interesting and entertaining, which are not often synonymous to me when it comes to nonfiction.
This was especially relatable as an elder gen-z woman who grew up with all the references mentioned in the book, but I would recommend to anyone of any generation :)
I listened to the audiobook of this and I highly recommend because it feels all the more like gossip this way.
4.5 ⭐️ rounded up, and now I plan to listen to all of the author’s podcast byeeeee
August 9, 2025
This felt like an 8 hour episode of Normal Gossip listening to the audiobook, and that was incredible!
I especially enjoyed the chapter on the role of gossip in religious institutions, and think she did a good job throughout the book balancing social commentary, academic study, and morsels of gossip/pop culture. Really interesting way to look more deeply at what constitutes gossip and what roles it plays.
I especially enjoyed the chapter on the role of gossip in religious institutions, and think she did a good job throughout the book balancing social commentary, academic study, and morsels of gossip/pop culture. Really interesting way to look more deeply at what constitutes gossip and what roles it plays.
August 13, 2025
don't come for Hannah Gadsby. especially not with the double-standard that it's important for the culture to hold space for Picasso and the art he made capturing the violence he perpetrated against his muse that reportedly moved the author to tears, while summarily dismissing gadsby's declaration of personhood (Nanette). if it's miraculous that Picasso could hold tension and artistry on the same canvas with skill and vision, then why should Hannah's work be disregarded because they refused to continue to suppress and metabolize the pain that queer elders have held for generations? they too subverted a genre and created something entirely new.
also: as a fan of the pod, where we regularly listen to the author validate and agree with guests who cite the importance of gossip for marginalized people surviving in a variety of industries, what the heck is this: "The goal of gossip about strangers is not to try people according to their secondhand deeds; it is to increase our own understanding of the world, to allow us to find enchantment and discovery in places we didn’t expect it."
McKinney says that we should use gossip to more accurately assess an artist's work and essentially suspend moral judgement based on what others say about them. but why extend the courtesy of self-definition to Picasso but not Hannah Gadsby? the author critiques Gadsby for making what she considers a stale joke, and spends the rest of the chapter exhalting the work of an abuser, so thoroughly regarded as an abuser that the claim is supposedly too mundane for McKinney to give pause to an evaluation of his celebrity status.
I may not have laid it out articulately, but something felt so off here.
also: as a fan of the pod, where we regularly listen to the author validate and agree with guests who cite the importance of gossip for marginalized people surviving in a variety of industries, what the heck is this: "The goal of gossip about strangers is not to try people according to their secondhand deeds; it is to increase our own understanding of the world, to allow us to find enchantment and discovery in places we didn’t expect it."
McKinney says that we should use gossip to more accurately assess an artist's work and essentially suspend moral judgement based on what others say about them. but why extend the courtesy of self-definition to Picasso but not Hannah Gadsby? the author critiques Gadsby for making what she considers a stale joke, and spends the rest of the chapter exhalting the work of an abuser, so thoroughly regarded as an abuser that the claim is supposedly too mundane for McKinney to give pause to an evaluation of his celebrity status.
I may not have laid it out articulately, but something felt so off here.
January 24, 2025
4.5⭐
You Didn't Hear This From Me is a really insightful non-fiction that addresses gossip in all it's forms.
In the book, McKinney addresses how gossip is often framed as a purely negative force, and then discusses why we (as human beings) are so drawn to it. The book acknowledges the harmful effects of gossip as a practice, but also shows how it can be used for good. McKinney argues that, at it's core, gossip is a form of information gathering that helps us make sense of the world around us.
This was a fascinating, well-written and well-researched book on a topic I had no idea I would be so interested in. The arguments presented by the author really gave me a lot to think about, and I would be interested to read more from her in the future.
Thank you so much to NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review!
You Didn't Hear This From Me is a really insightful non-fiction that addresses gossip in all it's forms.
In the book, McKinney addresses how gossip is often framed as a purely negative force, and then discusses why we (as human beings) are so drawn to it. The book acknowledges the harmful effects of gossip as a practice, but also shows how it can be used for good. McKinney argues that, at it's core, gossip is a form of information gathering that helps us make sense of the world around us.
This was a fascinating, well-written and well-researched book on a topic I had no idea I would be so interested in. The arguments presented by the author really gave me a lot to think about, and I would be interested to read more from her in the future.
Thank you so much to NetGalley for providing me with an ARC of this book in exchange for my honest review!
October 3, 2024
As a regular Normal Gossip listener, I was so pumped to get this book! If you were expecting a bunch of gossip stories, though, think again. Kelsey McKinney dives straight into the world of gossip, including what defines it, its history, and how it interacts with our current culture. She goes beyond the question she always asks on the pod: "What is your relationship to gossip?" Here, it's society's relationship to gossip and how it shapes us. Highly recommended.
February 26, 2025
I think I wanted more from this but at the end of the day this audiobook was 7+ hours of reasons why gossip is essential to human connection, class struggle, etc. etc. soooo actually what more could I want?
May 16, 2025
Anthropologist take on gossip, I think I am in my gossip phase. But gossip as storytelling. I found the chapters on religion and gossip and politics and gossip the most interesting
April 5, 2025
So in one way this book is exactly what it says it’s about but in another way I feel it is lacking and too surface level. I feel the latter has more to do with me than the book or author. I didn’t know of McKinney or her podcast prior to this book; I was drawn to this book because I am someone who simultaneously loves and hates gossip and was hoping for some insight into our obsession with it at a more psychological and social science level. This largely discusses celebrities and reality tv shows.
I would recommend this for anyone familiar with and fans of the author and similar podcasters and writers.
I received an advanced copy through Netgalley in return for an honest review.
I would recommend this for anyone familiar with and fans of the author and similar podcasters and writers.
I received an advanced copy through Netgalley in return for an honest review.
April 17, 2025
This book is a fun time, and probably best read ASAP while the referenced gossip is fresh and relevant. I think if I had some classic Catholic guilt, I'd enjoy this book a bit more because it'd assuage the feeling that gossip is a sin. But, at my core, I am a grade A gossip and a self-proclaimed storyteller who has built a pretty robust network on the back of good gossip, so who am I to feel any shame in the game?
May 21, 2025
Some parts were cute and others were thought provoking. I particularly liked the chapter on celebrities
March 20, 2025
My brother judges biopics according to a simple criterion: would this movie be good were it not about a famous or otherwise notable person? I applied a variant of this question to You Didn’t Hear This From Me, namely, would this be a good book were it not written by Kelsey McKinney, host of one of my favorite podcasts, Normal Gossip? The answer, regrettably, is a resounding no.
It turns out I enjoy gossip much more than I enjoy thinking about the concept of gossip. I just fundamentally found this book uninteresting. But also, even the throughline of gossip felt tenuously strung between the essays in this collection. Was I entertained? On occasion. After all, I listened to the audiobook, and McKinney’s narration at least makes for an engaging listen. Did I learn anything new, did I gain any new perspectives on gossip — its manifestations, its receptions, its role in the world? Not really.
One little shout-out to the second bonus section, in which McKinney shared her framework for crafting a good gossip story. That was fun and useful and honestly the most enlightening part of the book.
It turns out I enjoy gossip much more than I enjoy thinking about the concept of gossip. I just fundamentally found this book uninteresting. But also, even the throughline of gossip felt tenuously strung between the essays in this collection. Was I entertained? On occasion. After all, I listened to the audiobook, and McKinney’s narration at least makes for an engaging listen. Did I learn anything new, did I gain any new perspectives on gossip — its manifestations, its receptions, its role in the world? Not really.
One little shout-out to the second bonus section, in which McKinney shared her framework for crafting a good gossip story. That was fun and useful and honestly the most enlightening part of the book.
June 10, 2025
I wondered if it was possible to spin the topic of gossip out into enough material for a book, and it turns out it is. I shouldn't have been surprised at this theme's potential for extended yapping.
"You Didn't Hear This From Me" dives into a history of oral myths, celebrity scandals, the effect of gossip on politics, and the psychology of gossipy behaviour. A fun read.
Some fans of Kelsey McKinney's podcast seem to be a bit confused that this book leans away from personal memoir and into academic territory, citing research, literature, and other works of art.
It's a book of essays on a topic worthy of (at least a little bit of) scholarly examination. It's not meant to be an opinion piece or an extended journal entry. Essays with ideas should reference and comment on other works with similar or opposing ideas. Give it a try, you might learn something new.
"You Didn't Hear This From Me" dives into a history of oral myths, celebrity scandals, the effect of gossip on politics, and the psychology of gossipy behaviour. A fun read.
Some fans of Kelsey McKinney's podcast seem to be a bit confused that this book leans away from personal memoir and into academic territory, citing research, literature, and other works of art.
It's a book of essays on a topic worthy of (at least a little bit of) scholarly examination. It's not meant to be an opinion piece or an extended journal entry. Essays with ideas should reference and comment on other works with similar or opposing ideas. Give it a try, you might learn something new.
March 30, 2025
It was good, not great! Some really amazing moments though.
"The main couple of the story, we the viewers know, is supposed to be together. They love each other! They are predestined - by god or the moon or whatever else - to kiss on the mouth."
"The main couple of the story, we the viewers know, is supposed to be together. They love each other! They are predestined - by god or the moon or whatever else - to kiss on the mouth."
December 15, 2025
This was sadly a highly disappointing book. Could only make it through 35 pages before remembering I don’t need to finish every book I start.
February 21, 2026
Literalmente una clase de metodología de la investigación pero sobre el chisme. Puede ser interesante, pero me embole muchísimo
July 6, 2025
scattered thoughts:
the fact that this started with an AI essay irked me; this may be a cynical/unfair take but it feels more like an effort to be topical than being a value add to the collection
there were many things that I did not relate to (I think she references being a blonde teenager obsessed with britney spears. this was not me) but many that I still enjoyed learning about (really liked the essay on her relationship w religion and gossip)
I feel like l've heard the whole "gossip can be vital info sharing" but I appreciated her pushing that notion further by acknowledging that those circles of sharing can be exclusive/ reinforce existing inequities- would be interested to have an essay focusing on this extension but also idk if she’s the right person to write that
I enjoyed thinking about cancel culture / the amplifying power of the internet / lack of tolerance for nuance on the internet (/in general) when reading the west elm caleb and picasso essays
the last essay was a good pick for a last essay (as opposed to the first) and was maybe my favorite? I enjoy the overlap between thoughtful essay and memoir, also the last two essays had me thinking about hasan minhaj’s emotional truths
lastly, I think I wanted this book to help me think about how I want to gossip (bc not gossiping is Not an option) and it did do that so thank you kelsey mckinney
the fact that this started with an AI essay irked me; this may be a cynical/unfair take but it feels more like an effort to be topical than being a value add to the collection
there were many things that I did not relate to (I think she references being a blonde teenager obsessed with britney spears. this was not me) but many that I still enjoyed learning about (really liked the essay on her relationship w religion and gossip)
I feel like l've heard the whole "gossip can be vital info sharing" but I appreciated her pushing that notion further by acknowledging that those circles of sharing can be exclusive/ reinforce existing inequities- would be interested to have an essay focusing on this extension but also idk if she’s the right person to write that
I enjoyed thinking about cancel culture / the amplifying power of the internet / lack of tolerance for nuance on the internet (/in general) when reading the west elm caleb and picasso essays
the last essay was a good pick for a last essay (as opposed to the first) and was maybe my favorite? I enjoy the overlap between thoughtful essay and memoir, also the last two essays had me thinking about hasan minhaj’s emotional truths
lastly, I think I wanted this book to help me think about how I want to gossip (bc not gossiping is Not an option) and it did do that so thank you kelsey mckinney
October 21, 2025
| 2/5 Stars | ★★☆☆☆
Trigger Warnings for You Didn't Hear This From Me:
You Didn't Hear This From Me is Kelsey McKinney's first foray into nonfiction. As expected from the title, You Didn't Hear This From Me is book entirely about McKinney's thoughts on gossip. As a self-proclaimed gossip lover and the host of the podcast Normal Gossip, McKinney feels she's uniquely positioned to tackle this topic.
Listen, this book was a cluster you-know-what, but McKinney is hilarious. This book as a tangible hard copy would not be good at all, but hearing McKinney read it makes it so much better. I think You Didn't Hear This From Me had so many great subtopics that just weren't well organized. This book literally felt like it had no chapter and no sectioning, rather, it just dove into a brand new, completely disparate topic at a moments notice. Since I listened to this on audiobook rather than reading it, I'm unsure if this is actually how it was written or not, but it sure felt like it!
All in all, I didn't hate this, but I wanted to like it so much more. McKinney is so funny, which makes sense why her podcast is doing so spectacularly well. That being said, I wish You Didn't Hear This From Me was more concise or like 500 pages. It just found far too weird of a middle ground for me.
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Trigger Warnings for You Didn't Hear This From Me:
You Didn't Hear This From Me is Kelsey McKinney's first foray into nonfiction. As expected from the title, You Didn't Hear This From Me is book entirely about McKinney's thoughts on gossip. As a self-proclaimed gossip lover and the host of the podcast Normal Gossip, McKinney feels she's uniquely positioned to tackle this topic.
Listen, this book was a cluster you-know-what, but McKinney is hilarious. This book as a tangible hard copy would not be good at all, but hearing McKinney read it makes it so much better. I think You Didn't Hear This From Me had so many great subtopics that just weren't well organized. This book literally felt like it had no chapter and no sectioning, rather, it just dove into a brand new, completely disparate topic at a moments notice. Since I listened to this on audiobook rather than reading it, I'm unsure if this is actually how it was written or not, but it sure felt like it!
All in all, I didn't hate this, but I wanted to like it so much more. McKinney is so funny, which makes sense why her podcast is doing so spectacularly well. That being said, I wish You Didn't Hear This From Me was more concise or like 500 pages. It just found far too weird of a middle ground for me.
Follow all of my reviews and content with LinkTree
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