Here Be Dragons: Treading the Deep Waters of Motherhood, Mean Girls, and Generational Trauma

by Melanie Shankle

From the New York Times bestselling author of Nobody’s Cuter than You comes a poignant, deeply personal story about trusting God to heal generational wounds so you can be a strong, loving presence for your teenage daughter.

In medieval times, uncharted waters were marked on maps as Here Be Dragons to signify that no one knew what dangers might lie ahead. Melanie Shankle quips that the years spent raising our teenage daughters could be labeled the same due to the uncertainties before us.

Like a lot of moms, Melanie found herself in need of a parenting map when her teenage daughter, Caroline, entered her sophomore year of high school where she encountered relentless mean girls and brutal heartache. While trying to equip her daughter to deal with the toxic social dynamics of high school, Melanie was hit with a cruel The shame, criticism, and verbal abuse she had endured throughout her own life was wrought by one particular mean girl—her own mother.

Melanie hoped to raise her daughter to be a warrior, and she realized she couldn’t do that unless she became healthy enough to fight her own dragons. She invites you into her story as she explores her complex family dynamics, discovering what it takes for any of us to survive and ultimately thrive in spite of wounds that remain. This was the beginning of her journey of trusting God to help break generational cycles that had told the women in her family to find their value in everything but His love. 

Filled with personal stories and written in the same whimsical and honest style Melanie is known for, Here Be Dragons will have you both laughing out loud and crying—sometimes on the same page—as you confront the challenges of raising your own strong, independent daughter while fighting dragons along the way.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Audiobook, Parenting, Christian, Biography Memoir, Self Help

224 pages, Hardcover

Published February 18, 2025

About the author

Melanie Shankle is a graduate of Texas A&M and lives in San Antonio, Texas with her husband, Perry, and daughter, Caroline. Melanie began blogging in July 2006 when she started her blog, Big Mama. She’s also a regular contributor to The Pioneer Woman blog. Her first book, Sparkly Green Earrings, came out in February 2013 and debuted on the New York Times Bestseller list. Her second book, The Antelope in the Living Room, was released on February 4, 2014 and also hit the New York Times list.

Reviews

[Caroline Shankle · Rating 5 out of 5]

In my completely neutral and unbiased opinion this book was incredible. Everyone should read it and I say that as someone who totally doesn’t have any skin in the game.

[Michelle Raybourn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, I read this book in a day, so I feel like that says a lot.

I have been a fan of Melanie Shankle’s writing since I was in high school and have read all of her books. And what can I say? I laughed, I cried, I prayed, and I hoped.

This one felt particularly familiar with my family’s story and the way we have all navigated. It gave me some much needed empathy for my own mom. I’m prayerful for our future and how we can keep building.

[Wynne Elder · Rating 5 out of 5]

finishing this book with tears running down my face. 🥹 such powerful story & melanie delivered it with such wisdom , wit and grace. I started this on my oldest daughter's 13th birthday. more yo say later but wow, just really appreciated her story & perspective.

[Paige Connell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Melanie Shankle is the woman you want to be best friends with (too bad that role has been filled by her actual best friend Gulley since the 90s). She’s FUNNY, stylish, vulnerable, faithful, and kind. She has been through it, written a book about it, shared her heart/her family/her faith, and still managed to keep her sanity. I’ve read every nonfiction, motivational, faith-based book she’s written (books about friendship, marriage, parenting), but this one was the hardest to read. It’s about generational trauma, mean girls, toxic relationships, and breaking the cycle of abuse. It has her signature voice and humor but is a difficult read for the content. Still, it is important for a lot of people to find hope in these situations, and that’s exactly what she provides.

Shankle’s first encounter with a mean girl was her own mother—by all descriptions a classic bipolar narcissist. She describes their early relationship and ongoing tension, her mom berating Melanie for her looks, her perceived inappropriate reaction to things her mom would do, seemingly every choice she made. Shankle grew up in a house where unconditional love was not given freely, or at all, and it affected her ability to give and receive love herself. It wasn’t until she got married and had a daughter of her own that she realized she had to cut off a relationship with her mom completely to be able to heal from years to emotional abuse and trauma. Because of her daughter Caroline, and through her reliance on God, she was determined to break the cycle. Shankle also describes, as she has briefly in other books, the extreme difficulties Caroline went through in high school with a clique of mean girls and how she relied on her experiences with her mother to attempt to guide her through it. As she says, it’s heart-wrenching to experience your own challenges; it’s even more heartbreaking to have it happen to your child. By the end of the chapters, Caroline is stable and in college, Melanie’s mother has passed (after a reconciliation), and the lessons she learned marked her forever.

This is a not a book to take lightly, especially if you have similar family issues. But it is a beautiful story of the strength and redemption that only God can orchestrate, and the power He gives us to slay the dragons that are biggest and closest to us.

[Melanie Briscoe · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars! Melanie Shankle was unknown to me prior to picking up this book. I saw the title, recognized the medieval map reference to navigating crazy tumultuous waters, and fell in love with the premise of the book immediately! I saw many people rating the book 5 stars and my hopes leapt up ready to find a volume that would imprint on my heart and become a beacon on my shelf of literary favorites. Furthermore the first few pages could have been written by “Melanie Briscoe” rather than Melanie Shankle as I over identified with her humor and depths of her parenting fears and loves. However, I quickly began to identify with her less as she began to describe her parents’ divorce and a devastating toxic relationship with her mother that was so very epic. There was much I loved in the book! I loved her love of her daughter, how she constantly tried to infuse strength in her daughter and give her an identity forged in the bedrock of her daughter’s strength of personality and her deep persuasive faith that God was present with her in struggle. I loved that she did all of that for her daughter without the model of a mother championing her- how inspiring! While I think her memoir will be a powerful touchstone for many, there was something tiny and a bit sinister that bothered me throughout as I read it. Thus the mediocre rating from me.

Had I known she was associated with Lifeway press in other parts of her career, I might have seen it sooner and had lower expectations of the book. But alas, I did not. There is a theological thread running through the book that I believe has some corrosive tendencies in the church- and I personally push against it strong. It is the idea that suffering is a necessary teacher and one that God needs to use in our lives to lead us. While I will not at all argue that we can in fact grow from horrible experiences, I do not believe that God’s will NEEDS us to experience hard times or that God personally WANTS us to experience hard times EVER- for any reason. My God is so much bigger than that and my theology is always going to push hard against this redemptive suffering theme- and sadly it's everywhere in the church. For example I will never believe that God "planned the crucifixion"- God's plan and path for us will not ever require humanity to choose to sin for God's plan to come to fruition- God could have saved us another way. Yes God made a way for us despite our sinful choices, but when we are not careful about this language we create a faith that needs God to be the author of our pain - and that is not faithful theology to me- that's more anthropology than theology. This may seem like a tiny nuance to many people- but it's not to me. What we say about the intention of God in our lives is so powerful as we understand our world and who God is. So while there were many things I loved about the book (and some really uplifting parts I cherished) this one pervasive piece hurt my heart and colored the impact of the book for me negatively.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've been following Melanie for over a decade via her blog and podcast, and have read several of her previous books. This is her best one yet. Melanie is vulnerable, honest, and deep in this memoir in a way that she has never been before. Toward the end, Melanie shares that she has always been careful never to speak publicly about her toxic relationship with her mom and only has the freedom to now because her mom has passed away. Having followed Melanie for so many years, I can attest to how much she has honored that boundary with her public readers. I don't have daughters, but I still appreciated Melanie's wisdom and insight on parenting our kids through hard stuff and using the wisdom of past experience and trusting God to get through it.

[Allison Nelson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read all of Melanie’s books and listen to her podcast every week. I have loved all of her books and this was no exception. I devoured the audio version in 24 hours time. It was a beautiful story of how Jesus takes the really hard things of life to use it for bigger things that we might not see coming in the present. What an encouraging book of following Jesus, placing boundaries when needed and raising our children to do the same. I loved it!

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

My goodness, it's as if this book was written just for me. But it is Melanie Shankle's story and she tells it well. (she also reads the book which I highly recommend the audio version). Read it, just read it. Even if you were blessed with a loving mother - this will help you understand those of us who had a mom who didn't seem to have the foundation she needed to love her children fully.

[Sarah B · Rating 2 out of 5]

I believe there is lots of truth in this book about generational trauma, narcissistic parents (in both our cases it was the mother) and all of the endless baggage (routines created in childhood to hopefully stay safe but work very poorly as an adult) from that trauma.... But I really struggled reading this because I just couldn't relate at all to the majority of the things she was discussing. I could recognize the trauma created routines, like when you are so super careful because you feel you are walking on eggshells and a wrong word might set them off - but the other stuff... It was too foreign. And that ruined the book for me.

The author's mother was "bad" but she actually had lots of freedom. Visiting Christmas light displays, going on road trips, trips to swimming pools, sleepovers, baking cookies, coffee shops....

Ummm... No...

You're not allowed to go swimming if your mother is terrified of water and thinks you could drown in a few scant inches even if you are a teen. Because how she thinks doesn't change when you get older. Because she doesn't want you to get older.

And I agree, she wants you to be another copy of her. But you aren't. You're you. Someone else. But you're not allowed to be. Because that creates anger.

I also agree with the over explaining. That you don't know what normal is because nothing was normal when you were a kid but you didn't know that because you had nothing to compare it to.

The author also mentioned how dogs can give unconditional love. In my case it's horses. Horses are very healing.

Of course I wasn't allowed to have pets as a kid. And certainly not dogs as they bark and bite and they were seen as a "slobbering danger". Plus my mother saw barking as very annoying. Just the idea of a pet would create a dark thundercloud in the house. You quickly learned not to ask for stuff.

In one chapter the author mentioned her mother buying her the bedspread she had wanted and then actually decorating her room to match the colors on that bedspread. I can't imagine that either. Doing such stuff wasn't allowed. It would be seen as a waste of money. Because it was all for her you know.

I really don't know what I got out of reading this. Unless you can count how many of these common experiences I just never had? And on another page she mentioned something about "party busses" and I don't even know what that is. So reading this to realize that is not a good thing.

If you had a "helicopter parent " than you may not relate very well to this at all... The lives of both her and her daughter were just too far out of my experience to even connect with this book. The individual stories / incidents she described in here didn't get my attention at all. Instead I found my mind wondering about. I was bored / disinterested. And I was even yawning (which is a very bad sign). So yes the book was putting me to sleep.

[Judy · Rating 5 out of 5]

On audio, read by the author.

Really good.

Talks about mother/child relationships - hers was so toxic with her mom she vowed to do better, and she did.

Reminded me of my childhood in ways.

Learned a lot. Wish I had done things better with my kids, not passed on generational garbage.

Hoping to do better, heal and pass that on!

Recommended to young moms especially.

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have followed Melanie’s blog and podcast with Sophie Hudson (The Big Boo Cast) for the better part of a decade. What I’m saying is, I’m as much a product of them as I am of PBS. And I will listen to every word they say and read every word they write. That said, this may be Melanie’s best book yet.

In Here Be Dragons, Melanie describes the dragons her daughter, Caroline, battled in high school: mean girls. While helping Caroline, Melanie realized that she had been battling a mean girl her entire life - her own mother. This book explores complex family dynamics and acknowledges that sometimes the only way to heal is to cut off a relationship that’s become too diseased to ever be healthy. Importantly, Melanie points out that there can be forgiveness without reconciliation or restoration. And she gives her readers hope that God will give us beauty for the ashes of things that have burnt down.

Writing this book couldn’t have been easy. But its message is so important. I know this book will help so many people feel less alone and give encouragement to those who feel like parts of their lives did not turn out as they expected.

*I received an advance copy of this book from the publisher. The opinions expressed in this review are my own.

[Becky Sisson · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’re not religious, I wouldn’t recommend. If you are religious and raising girls or have a troubled mom/parent relationship, cannot recommend enough.

[Chelsea Connor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great memoir!! I’ve been listening to Melanie on her podcast for a decade, but she’s never told these stories. I love the way she writes- like I’m just sitting across from her and she’s making me cry and laugh. 💛

I’ve read all of her books and this is her best work! Loved her perspective on mean girls, dealing with them, and her super complicated relationship with her mom.

[Erin Ching · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was different than I expected - much more emphasis on the author's difficult relationship with her own mother than about her daughter's experience with high school mean girls. The author has such a captivating, funny, real storytelling style. Though I dont have this kind of relationship with my mother, it was educational to learn how far reaching the impact can be. Highly recommend this one on audio, it feels like a hilarious friend telling you her life story.

[Lindsey Pilgreen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have followed Melanie’s writing since her early mommy blogger days almost 20 years ago so I love her writing style, but I was still not prepared for the emotional depth of this book. Every mother or adult daughter can benefit from reading this. As I’m about to enter the teen years with my own daughter, her words were so encouraging. Her own faith journey and her life story point to God’s faithfulness through the highs and lows of life.

[Buzzkill · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book isn't something I'd normally read, but I came across it on my library app and thought that it would be interesting and insightful.

While I personally feel a little uncomfortable with reading books with a more religious base (especially Christian), this book had a great lesson to learn from! In this book, the author shares her experience growing up with a mentally unwell and emotionally abusive mother. She talks about how her strained relationship with her mom impacted her relationship with herself, her father, and everyone else. She also shares how with the help of friends she meets, her now husband, and her personal relationship with God and Jesus Christ, she learned how to recognize the toxic patterns of her interactions with her mother, and how to break out of those cycles for the sake of both herself and her daughter.

This book was incredibly heartfelt and personal, it definitely had me tearing up at some moments. It made me all the more grateful for my own relationship with my mother, who is an awesome wonderful human being 💗

[Jennifer Delk · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read Melanie’s blog for years and listened to her podcast since it started. Hearing her story and how she made wise choices to break the cycle and mother in a different manner was encouraging and uplifting. I laughed and cried while reading this and loved hearing it all as a girl mom.

[Holly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Forthright, honest, funny, profound. Melanie's story is a beautiful example of the hope that comes with bringing darkness to light, knowing your worth, and inviting the gospel into deep places of pain.

[Polly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ok, six stars should be an option. I’ve listened to Melanie Shankle’s and Sophie Hudson’s podcast (Big Boo Cast) for so long I refer to them by first name only with my family. They are dear to me, as are their stories. I’ve treasured every one of Melanie’s books since her first, and I eagerly awaited this release.

I always enjoy her writing’s unique blend of wit and wisdom, and this book knocked it out of the park. With tenderness, honesty, and humor, she blends the stories from her complex relationship with her mother with stories of raising her own daughter and helping her navigate her experiences with mean girls.

I finished this book quickly and am on an evangelical tour sending out the link to the book to many women. You don’t have to have a complicated relationship with your mom, or even be a mom, to appreciate the hard-earned wisdom Melanie offers. It has so much life application for helping deal with other complicated relationships. Her story is a beautiful example of the Lord exchanging beauty for ashes.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ If you loved reading Beth Moore’s “All My Knotted Up Life,” you will most certainly love this book. I ended it with tears in my eyes and lots of underlines. It’s funny, raw, honest, and yet filled with so much hope. Highly recommend!

[Lauren Kornegay (fortwords) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I devoured this book! I have read several of Melanie Shankle’s previous books and this may top them all. She tells her own story and struggles with vulnerability and heart, pointing back to what she’s learned and how Christ has led her each step of the way. I found myself highlighting quite a bit as she delivered nuggets of wisdom on parenting as she describes her experience with her own mother and also being a mother herself. I think anyone could glean something from this book, especially if you have relationship struggles in family or friendship. I found it such a refreshing read and I was encouraged by Melanie’s story.

[AyshaLynn Cook · Rating 4 out of 5]

I truly think this is a great piece of writing. It sheds a lot of light on very difficult topics. I know it’s more of a memoir style but I would have loved to see more scientific studies in addition to the vast amount of biblical advice to help me, personally, understand the tips she suggests. Though it’s not a step by step instruction book, I think it will be helpful for me to keep in mind. Overall I’m left with a lot to think about. Thanks for the suggestion Lisa!

[Sarah Worley · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 ⭐️- it’s heartbreaking and raw and hilarious and beautiful. Perhaps the best (and worst) part is that it’s all true. My takeaway — after sobbing along with Melanie during the last two chapters of this book — I am thankful for a sovereign, faithful and wonderful God who is the only hope in this very broken world. What redemption!

[Paula Myers · Rating 2 out of 5]

Unpopular opinion. I don’t agree with Shankle’s views on motherhood (way too obsessed) or on handling her admittedly difficult mother(way too unforgiving). I have a daughter and a difficult mother. She throws a lot of scripture in but I don’t see her attitude as Christ-like.

[Kandi G · Rating 2 out of 5]

Multiple Bible scripture references throughout were unexpected and off-putting.

[MacKenzie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have always loved Melanie’s books and this one is no different. I will say that it feels like a bit of a departure from her other work- achingly raw, painfully honest in parts, but wrapped with so much healing and solid, Biblical advice. For anyone who has experienced a toxic relationship of any kind, there is so much you can draw from Melanie’s story. Buckle up for a wild ride and prepare to unpack some things you may have buried deep up until now.

[Amy M. Mize · Rating 5 out of 5]

Library 🎧: Ouch. I identified a little too much with this story. In fact, there are entire chapters that I could have written myself. I was expecting more about parenting, but more than 75% of the book is about the author coming to terms with her relationship with her own mother. I know this book will stick with me. It is so honest. The ending gave me some hope and overall there is a LOT to think about here.

[Jaci Hemphill · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorite reads of 2025.

I think the notion of ‘cutting off’ family members is normalized a lot in this generation. However reading this book gave a whole different picture of what goes on behind the scenes over the decades. I appreciate her perspective, wisdom, story telling abilities, and all the lessons learned through her motherhood journey.
Highly recommend, especially listening to it.

[Megan Everitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 ⭐️ (audio and ebook- own)
Phenomenal book about being a mother, a daughter and raising girls- she tells her own hard story with her mom, how they navigated mean girls in her daughter’s growing up years and both were stories I was very interested in- but the best part of this book is the encouragement to seek the Lord, pray for your kids like their life depends on it, seek the Lord, and do the hard work of parenting day in and day out, seek the Lord…..and along the way have the humility to deal w your own junk as it is inevitably uncovered and allow the Lord to redeem and guide- He is faithful to do both in abundance.

[Angela Byers · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the best memoir I’ve read since Beth Moore’s “All My Knotted Up Life”! Melanie Shankle’s account of her dysfunctional relationship with her mother is heartbreaking. Her decision to sever a toxic relationship really resonated with me as I have also had to sever a family relationship in order to maintain my own mental health. She also tells the hard story of her daughter’s difficult high school years as the victim of bullying by mean girls. As hard as some of these topics are, Shankle never loses her signature Southern humor. I laughed & cried in equal amounts. I listened on audio & hearing in the author’s voice is an added bonus!