The Deaf Girl: A Memoir of Hearing Loss, Hope, and Fighting Against the Odds

by Abigail Heringer

An inspiring story of hearing loss and hope from The Bachelor's first deaf contestant

Abigail Heringer made her television debut as an instant fan-favorite on season 25 of The Bachelor. Stepping out of the limousine, she approached her bachelor with a playful she would be staring at his lips all night for two compelling reasons—her profound deafness since birth and because he had some nice lips!

But Abigail's journey wasn't always marked by such confidence. Growing up deaf and introverted, she dreaded being the center of attention, fearing her disability would burden those around her. Among her hearing peers, she felt like an outsider, simply labeled as "the deaf girl." And after receiving a cochlear implant at the age of two, she subsequently struggled to find her place in the Deaf community too. Caught in between two worlds and grappling to define her identity as a deaf woman, Abigail felt like she belonged in neither.

Supported by her family, particularly her deaf older sister Rachel, Abigail has come to understand that while being deaf is part of her identity, it doesn't define her. Throughout her journey, marked by challenges and adversity, Abigail has grown into her own strongest advocate, discovering a new voice that is confident, fearless, and empowered—a voice that enables her to proudly reclaim the title of "the deaf girl" she once resisted and rewrite it as a testament to her resilience and strength.

Hopeful, vulnerable, and uplifting, The Deaf Girl shares Abigail's journey of navigating life with a profound hearing loss and her transformation from merely accepting her disability to embracing it wholeheartedly. This memoir serves as an inspiring reminder for anyone who has ever felt like an outsider or struggled to embrace their differences, showcasing that every voice is worthy of being heard.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Disability, Audiobook, Biography, Biography Memoir, Inspirational

229 pages, Kindle Edition

Published September 10, 2024

Reviews

[Jennifer Ruppel - Dreher · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn’t know how much I needed this book in my life until my mom asked me to order it for her. I decided to read this memoir along side her.

My mom is deaf. She has profound hearing loss. I never truly understood how hard navigating thru life was for her. She was just my mom. I didn’t think of her as disabled in any way because she truly was and is a superstar.

A couple things stand out to me now. My mom was born in 1957. My grandma discovered her hearing loss when she started touching the TV one day. She wanted to “feel what it was saying”. My grandma took immediate action, much like Abigail’s mom did. Because my gram didn’t want her to rely on sign language so she started her at a very young age with speech therapy/hearing aids.

To this day, people ALWAYS ask my mom where she is from because they love her accent. I clearly remember the first time this happened around me. I looked at the person like they had ten heads and said - Redford (a town in Michigan) where my grandparents live and where she was raised.

I also recall the day she got her cochlear implant 13 years ago (swipe to see a picture of her xray the day they turned it on - yes I was that daughter). While she could write her own book about that experience - my favorite memory is of her (seated in an another part of the house) hearing me yell something to my dad. My entire family was at their house and it was just amazing. So then of course we spent hours figuring out where in the house that she could us from and changing the tone/pitch in our voices.

I just loved this book. I have so much more insight into my mom’s side of life now. ❤️

Also - she’s a BIG fan of The Bachelor and obviously Abigail! Abigail has a special place in both of our hearts.

[Jami · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’m so glad I read this!! It was the perfect amount of entertaining, informing, and uplifting. Abigail is a great storyteller, and I definitely think if you have any interest in The Bachelor or disability representation, you should read this!

[Allyson Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was so excited when I saw this book pop up on NetGalley! I was a huge fan of Abigail's when she was on The Bachelor / BIP. I love that she was able to give us an inside look on what it was like growing up and navigating life with a disability. In my life, I've never even met a deaf person so I found this book extremely interesting and eye opening. I feel like even if you have never watched The Bachelor, this is still a really good memoir to pick up. I always love listening to the audiobook version of memoirs and actually hearing the person share their own experience. I could hear the emotion in Abigail's voice the whole way through and it was very touching.

Thank you to NetGalley for this audiobook!

[Sydnie Nelson · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who is newly profoundly single-sided deaf with a cochlear implant (I became deaf in 2023 during my pregnancy - believed to be the cause of a blood clot. And I received my CI in 2024), I greatly appreciate the representation and perspective Abigail offers in this memoir.

I rated this book 4 stars only because I personally wanted to read more about her experience with her disability, hearing loss, CI, identity, etc. than her experience on the Bachelor franchise, but I recognize that many readers do not share that same desire and likely would have preferred to read more about her dating life.

Great read for partners, parents, siblings, and friends wishing to understand more about the general experiences of deaf & hard of hearing individuals.

[B · Rating 4 out of 5]

it was really interesting to read about her life tbh and the difficulties of being profoundly deaf. the writing was OK at best but i appreciated how she acknowledged her ghostwriter. i am an abigail fan

[Anjie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book quickly and found it educational and interesting! I don’t usually read memoirs but this one definitely hooked me in. Thank you for providing me with the opportunity to learn about what your experience is like using a cochlear implant. Abigail, just in case you see this, have you seen the kids book series Emma Every Day? If not, take a look!

[Ashley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I hadn't watched The Bachelor/The Bachelorette/Bachelor in Paradise in yearssss (for fans, since Arie Luyendyk Jr's season) so I didn't know of Abigail Heringer going into her memoir. And truthfully, I was most excited about the BTS info on the franchise that she might spill. This book - and Abigail - are so so so so so so much more than that.

It seems to me that she has accomplished everything she's set out to - and then some. The education on cochlear implants and the deaf (and uppercase D, Deaf) community was provided beautifully. For something so abstract (to me) to be grasped so clearly thanks to her words, left me in awe.

(more to come but I didn't want to forget what I'd written so far lol)

{Thank you bunches to NetGalley, Abigail Heringer and Sourcebooks for the Audiobook in exchange for my honest review!}

[Karlin McGarvey · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not a big fan of the Bachelor franchise, but I do remember Abigail from Matt’s season when she was the first deaf contestant on the show! I’ve followed her on social media since! I thought this was a sweet book. I love learning about hearing loss/the deaf & Deaf community/cochlear implants, so Abigail’s memoir was a great read. And she just got married yesterday?! Such good timing. This book was a very straight forward which I appreciated since it’s okay to have an easy read every once in a while!

[Alex Hewko · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love love love! Easy to read, I cried a bit at the end, and it makes me want to go rewatch her seasons, now knowing her POV.

[Tara Cignarella · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Deaf Girl by Abigail Heringer
Details: B+
Writing: A-
Narration: A
Best Aspect: Well told memoir that is easy to follow and enjoyable to listen to.
Worst Aspect: More factual than emotional.
Recommend: Yes

[Anne Jisca · Rating 3 out of 5]

I love memoirs, and having a glimpse into someone else's life. I picked up this book to hear about life with a cochlear implant. I have never watched the bachelor, so I knew nothing about her being on the show.

The author did a great job reading the audiobook version.

I did feel like it lacked substance in many ways, but I think that's merely because she is fairly young and she kept the focus on her upbringing and then the show.

I don't like rating memoirs, since everyone's story is worth sharing! I am rating more on the depth and substance of this book. It's a personal story of a deal girl, with a large focus on her experience on reality TV.

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC.

[Daniella]

Abigail was my favorite contestant during her time on The Bachelor and BIP. She had a sweet personality and I started to care for her. I have continued to followed her throughout the last few years and when I saw that she was publishing a memoir I was sat. Being able to learn about her backstory and her family has made me love her more. She taught me about how hearing loss affects the individuals life as well as their surrounding family. Seeing her pov of her time on The Bachelor continued to confirm how we see virtually nothing during the few hours of the show. I'm so grateful to continue to support her and learn from her!

[Alice Jiang · Rating 4 out of 5]

i LOVED reading about her time on bachelor and bach in paradise!! i also rly appreciated how she sheds a light into the capital-D-Deaf and lowercase-d-deaf communities and how those can at times be at odds. shame on her teacher who made her feel like a burden for needing the computer program during class and shame on her Deaf teacher who made her feel like her cochlear implant was the most vile thing imaginable. I honestly just wish the memoir was longer - it felt a little too much like a children's book in how quickly things got summarized and wrapped up

[Alex Conetta · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've loved Abigail since we first met her on The Bachelor and I love her even more now! Her story has always been one that inspires, and I love that I got to learn more about her life with hearing loss

[Nancy G · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a speech -language pathologist who has worked with children who have cochlear implants for decades, it is wonderful to read such a personal story. The details about the diagnosis, impact on the family, and intimate perspective deepen my understanding of the families with whom I work. Of course, I would have loved to read more about memories of speech-language therapy- the good, the bad, and everything in between.

[Karli Hoopes · Rating 4 out of 5]

this was a cute quick audiobook read by the author! Abigail is known from being on The Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise, and I’ve always been a big fan! Loved learning more about her background and how it was growing up deaf and everything she has learned and experienced along the way!

[Megan · Rating 5 out of 5]

The most honest and detailed testimony of hearing loss I have ever read. Thank you, Abigail, for sharing your story! I have known who Abigail was since she was on Matt’s season of The Bachelor (the first deaf contestant on the show). It is important to distinguish that this book is so much more than a story about a reality show contestant and you do not need to be familiar with The Bachelor at all in order to read it. Abigail does an excellent job explaining her childhood and navigating life up into adulthood as “the deaf girl”. The book is very educational, providing information on the deaf (and the capital “D” Deaf) community, cochlear implants, schooling, and more. Abigail was incredibly open and vulnerable with her life experiences and the resulting emotions she felt in different phases of life. I was particularly struck by her feelings of isolation as a cochlear implant user caught between the hearing community and the Deaf community, her difficulty with relationships/dating, and her difficulty hearing others in social situations or on The Bachelor. I had no concept of how truly difficult it is navigating life with a hearing loss disability and how many challenges she has overcome to get where she is today. I also really enjoyed listening to Abigail read the audiobook. Her emotion and passion are evident throughout. I highly recommend this memoir - Abigail is an inspiration! Thank you to NetGalley, Abigail Heringer, and Sourcebooks for the gifted ARC audiobook recording in exchange for an honest review.

[John Miller · Rating 5 out of 5]

I very much appreciated this author’s willingness to share her story, especially as I grapple with whether to get a cochlear implant and just how to be deaf in this world.

[Kevin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ll never say no to a Bachelor Nation memoir! I’ve always loved Abigail and it was so interesting to read about how her cochlear implant works and how that impacted her journey on the show.

[Malley Keener · Rating 5 out of 5]

it was amazing to hear her journey and perspective!!

[Breanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve loved Abigail since her entrance into Bachelor Nation. It was nice to read about her experience being part of the deaf community. The inside glimpse into how she and Noah got together behind the scenes/after the show was fun to read too now that we know they are married ❤️

[Sadie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Omg, I already loved Abigail from her time on the Bachelor and through her instagram but this book made me love her even more! I also love that this is a true memoir of her life, even before her life even began with her sister's story, But don't worry, the last half of the book includes her bachelor and bachelor in paradise story too. I loved it all. While my disability is much more ignorable, I totally related to just wanting to be normal and never asking for accommodations lest you bring attention to your differentness. Loved her ability to be vulnerable with us and her journey to getting to that place.

And of course I ate up all the bachelor stuff. I already considered her and Noah to be my fave bachelor nation couple the behind the scenes details we didn't get to see just make me love them more.

Highly recommend!

[Jessica Milliner · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is about Abigail, the first deaf person to appear on 'The Bachelor'. She shares her story of being deaf and coping with it. Abigail has cochlear implants. I found this memoir to be an excellent read. Thanks to the publishers and NetGalley for giving me an opportunity to read this memoir and do a review.

[Maria Contreras]

(Feels icky to rate a memoir since it’s about someone’s life and experiences)

Real review: I did find it really educational and interesting! Enjoyed the different perspectives of her and her sister. I loved Abagail on the Bachelor/BIP so it was fun(?) to read her behind the scenes experience through the drama in the house!

[Stephanie | stephonashelf · Rating 5 out of 5]

Genre: Memoir

Format: Audio - thank you @netgalley for the audio!

5🌟 - I loved it!

I love a book with deaf representation! I have been a fan of Abigail since her Bachelor days, and loved hearing more about her background and growing up with hearing loss. Abigail’s personality shines with her kindness and was a really informative and touching memoir.

[Bonnie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I need to lower my expectations of Bachelor contestant memoirs.

The more memoirs I read, the more that I realize that almost everyone who writes one is still living an unexamined life. It's not just that Abigail Herringer is young - although she is (born in 1995) - but this is often the case no matter the writer's age. I respect that she is striking while the iron is hot, though. Get it, girl!

This is a very, very surface level memoir. If you are looking for Bachelor gossip, keep looking. Abigail writes as if the producers of the show don't even exist - when someone with even a passing interest in the franchise can see the producers' behind-the-scenes machinations. Abigail's version of Bachelor and Bachelor in Paradise is basically: she met a cool guy (Matt), hung out with some cool ladies, and avoided everyone else/the drama. And then on Bachelor in Paradise she had one guy she was interested in, they clicked, they miscommunicated, then they got back together. Near the very end, Abigail mentions that she prefers bad boys, which is NEVER shown throughout the entire memoir. She had one high school boyfriend who is portrayed as a typical emotionally dense high school boyfriend - but not a bad boy. She then talks about a series of first dates which failed because she didn't tell the guys she was hard of hearing and instead tried to bluff her way through dates (which made her seem like she wasn't interested/paying attention). One particular guy is mentioned who planned a very thoughtful date. So who are these bad boys she's attracted to!?!? The editor should have gone back and made her fill in that statement with examples.

Something that happens more often than you'd think in memoirs is that people come in and out of the memoir and there are giant, unexplained gaps. Abigail's maternal grandparents are clearly very important to her and had a huge impact on her life, but after Abigail and her mother/sister moved to Ohio for a time with her stepdad, the grandparents do not reappear again until her high school graduation. Even though Abigail and her family had moved back to Oregon while she was still in elementary school. There's also no discussion about why Abigail's parents and grandparents made no effort to learn or teach either Abigail or her sister ASL, either before or after they get cochlear implants (I'm not saying it's a right or wrong choice, but isn't this something that would come up when raising two deaf children?). There's also no insight into why Abigail's mom/stepdad didn't put both girls in the elementary school that was the district hub for for deaf/hard of hearing children - which was only 10 minutes away from the elementary school they first placed them in! Or why her very privileged parents/grandparents never paid for private speech therapy lessons. Abigail's mom fought for accomodations for her children in their school, and she clearly loved them fiercly. There's not a right or wrong parenting choice here - but it feels like there's a missing stair about how deafness was approached/treated in the household. I'd be interested in a deeper and more insightful dive into how the adults in the household approached the girls' deafness and an examination of the philosophies behind those decisions.

It is one of the first books, fiction or nonfiction, that talks about what it's really like to have a cochlear implant. I didn't know (although it makes sense), that it doesn't function like normal hearing, and instead it provides auditory stimulus without discernment - which is taxing. It is therefore restful to turn that overstimulus off and take out the implant. Abigail also discusses how even with legal rights to accommodations (through the ADA), it takes advocacy from the person (or their loved ones) to actually ACHIEVE those accommodations. And even then, people will be annoyed or resistant to reasonable accommodations. Abigail talks about how her older sister was great at advocating for herself, but Abigail would rather try to blend in, even if that meant that she couldn't hear the lecture or engage in the classroom at the same level as her classmates. And she had a teacher who made it a point to resist setting up a closed caption monitoring system and would continuously make Abigail - a CHILD - feel bad about needing the accommodation. This is something that happens not only at school, but also in jobs.

Abigail also - through no fault of her own - is someone who lives between two worlds. She is deaf, and even with a cochlear implant does not engage with the world the same as a hearing person. But she is not Deaf and has no connection to Deaf culture. The one time she tried - taking an ASL class at her school - the Deaf teacher again made Abigail (a teenager, and still a CHILD) feel bad about her cochlear implant, railing against the device. As if Abigail even had a choice, since she was 2 years old when she received one! As far this memoir goes, this prejudiced teacher is the only Deaf person Abigail has ever encountered (or at least the only one she ever writes about).

So in that respect, this is a memoir worth reading. It talks about disability, especially deafness/cochlear implants, in a thoughtful way.

[Carlie Bond · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such an enjoyable book to listen to. Abigail did such an excellent job sharing her story with the world. It was so awesome getting to know more about her life and experiences being deaf and navigating her cochlear implant journey. I took 2 years of ASL in high school and my teacher was very similar to hers. He was Deaf and you could definitely get the sense of his distaste for those who chose to get a cochlear implant. It made me feel a lot of feelings for those like Abigail who aren’t totally accepted in the Deaf community or the hearing community, but following along her journey you can see how much self acceptance she has now. The book also reminded me to be comfortable in my own skin and that is the best way to find your people. I feel like the book was so informative and allowed for me to have deeper conversations with a young woman who works at my go-to lunch spot who has two cochlear implants. I was able to chat with her about how I never realized how hard it must be, and commended her for having two implants and how hard that adjustment must have been. She opened up to me about how she can hear any little sound that hearing people don’t notice such as a fan or other things, and how she misses a lot of conversations because of someone is standing in just the wrong place she had no clue they were having a full conversation with her, as well as all of the headaches that can happen when she wears them for too long and how she needs to take breaks. I just felt like this book opened up a lot of conversations we otherwise wouldn’t have had and I’m grateful for having my eyes opened so much because of this book! Abigail did such a great job narrating her book and I felt like a friend was telling me her story. It was fast paced and very fluid!
Thank you to RBmedia and NetGalley for this audiobook.

[Jaime · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for the ARC audiobook of The Deaf Girl: A Memoir of Hearing Loss, Hope, and Fighting Against the Odds by Abigail Heringer.

I find learning about the Deaf community fascinating. Like Abigail says not all disabilities are One Size Fits All. The discrimination that deaf people have against each other blows me away. I can't imagine going to an ASL class and having the deaf teacher bad mouthing people with cochlear implants.

Abigail was born deaf and her mother consented to her daughter getting a cochlear implant at age two. Her older sister was also born deaf and has a cochlear implant. Unlike her sister Abigail was introverted and did not like to draw attention to her deafness. She wanted to blend in and not have to ask for special accommodations.

It was interesting to read about her struggles and accomplishments. Her mistakes and her victories. Striving to find that one person who would advocate for you and love you for who you are.

I really enjoyed this book and would recommend it to anyone who is around deaf or hard of hearing people. I totally related to her having issues hearing when in big groups, missing what people are saying and not wanting to draw attention to yourself. I had sudden hearing loss two years ago in my left ear. So many people do not understand what it is like to not know where a sound comes from, how hard it is to hear someone talk, how embarrassing it is to ask someone to repeat themselves several times, to hear people tell you never mind because they don't want to repeat themselves. It is so frustrating. Thank you, Abigail for bringing light to this subject.

It was also fun to get a behind the scene look at the Bachelor.

[Tyler · Rating 3 out of 5]

Abigail offers readers an intimate glimpse into her exploration of identity, communication, and experience of living with deafness in “The Deaf Girl”. I particularly enjoyed reading about her experience growing up and was sad to learn that the deaf community is not always kind to her because she has a cochlear implant, a choice made for her before she was even old enough to know what it was or what impact it would have on her life.

I must admit I have never watched The Bachelor, so I chose this book simply because I wanted to learn more about Abigail. If you are a big fan of the show, and you are hoping for some big reveals, you will not find them in this book. The last third of the book actually feels rushed and lacks in detail. I did not expect a tell-all of the behind-the-scenes, but it would have been nice to have more insight into her recent adult years, in general.

Prior to reading this book, I also believed these reality romance TV shows were all completely fake, so I am happy for Abigail she actually found someone on the show, and that they recently got married!

Overall, this heartfelt and engaging book sheds light on one facet of the deaf experience and Abigail’s own life. I appreciate reading stories that highlight the experiences of people with disabilities and how they navigate the world differently from others – and I don’t mean just able-bodied people but also others within their own community or with similar challenges.

Thank you, NetGalley and SOURCEBOOKS (non-fiction) for the ARC.

[Jenica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Abigail Heringer is someone I know of because of her season as a contestant on The Bachelor (Matt James's season) and her season of Bachelor in Paradise where she and Noah fell in love. I've been following her on Instagram since, which means I know a little more about cochlear implants than I did prior to her presence on my TV screen, but I still wouldn't say I knew a lot before diving into this book.

I think one of the most important takeaways from this book is that Abigail is so careful to position her memoir in a very specific place. She's very clear that she's not sharing everyone's experience and she's especially not sharing the "capital D Deaf" experience. And more than that, she is careful to remind people that every disabled person has a different experience with their disability than someone else because people are individuals. Abigail drives this home by starting her story with her older sister's story and shows how differently the two took to their cochlear implants and even how they experienced the world as they grew up.

Setting aside the disability aspect of Abigail's memoir, I loved the end and getting to hear a little more about her experiences on The Bachelor and Bachelor and Paradise and beyond, though personally I could have used another thirty pages just on those aspects. But that's because getting to hear about the behind the scenes of these shows that I love to watch is just so much fun.

Final thoughts, I really enjoyed this and Abigail reads the audiobook herself, which made it my favorite experience to read a memoir! So I definitely recommend if you're intrigued about either learning more about people who have cochlear implants or you also love reality dating shows.

Thank you so much to the publisher for the ALC via Netgalley!