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At Dark I Become Loathsome
From the Bram Stoker Award-finalist and Splatterpunk Award-winner of Things Have Gotten Worse Since Last We Spoke, a grim yet gentle, horrifying yet hopeful tale of grief, trauma, and love.
If you're reading this, you've likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.
A single line of text, glowing in the darkness of the internet. Written by Ashley Lutin, who has often thought that, and worse, in the years since his wife died and his young son disappeared. But the peace of the grave is not for Ashley—it's for those he can help. Ashley Lutin has constructed a peculiar ritual for those whose desire to die is at war with their yearning to live a better life.
Struggling to overcome his never-ending grief, one night Ashley connects with Jinx, who spins a tale both revolting and fascinating. This begins a relationship that traps the men in a tightening spiral of painful revelations, where long-hidden secrets are dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light. Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find life.
If you're reading this, you've likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.
A single line of text, glowing in the darkness of the internet. Written by Ashley Lutin, who has often thought that, and worse, in the years since his wife died and his young son disappeared. But the peace of the grave is not for Ashley—it's for those he can help. Ashley Lutin has constructed a peculiar ritual for those whose desire to die is at war with their yearning to live a better life.
Struggling to overcome his never-ending grief, one night Ashley connects with Jinx, who spins a tale both revolting and fascinating. This begins a relationship that traps the men in a tightening spiral of painful revelations, where long-hidden secrets are dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light. Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find life.
208 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 28, 2025
261 people are currently reading
25950 people want to read
About the author
Eric LaRocca
54 books3,446 followersEric LaRocca (he/they) is a 3x Bram Stoker Award® finalist, a Shirley Jackson Award nominee, and a 2x Splatterpunk Award winner. He was named by Esquire as one of the “Writers Shaping Horror’s Next Golden Age” and praised by Locus as “one of the strongest and most unique voices in contemporary horror fiction.” LaRocca’s notable works include Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke, Everything the Darkness Eats, and At Dark, I Become Loathsome. He currently resides in Boston, Massachusetts, with his partner.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,265 reviews
March 24, 2025
I’ll be right back. I have to take a quick shower before I write this review…
Ok, I’m back… all purified now
Slight in size and scope, but considerable in impact, this book hits hard, and is disturbingly poignant. A dedication to anyone dealing with inescapable inner-torment, who doesn’t know how to process it, this book provides a roadmap on what not to do. Do the opposite of everything in this book, and you’ll be fine-ish.
This isn’t for everyone. The faint of heart need not partake. You’ll read this and feel dirty. You’ll wonder why you read it in the first place. But then you’ll be glad you did. Trust me.
Ok, I’m back… all purified now
Slight in size and scope, but considerable in impact, this book hits hard, and is disturbingly poignant. A dedication to anyone dealing with inescapable inner-torment, who doesn’t know how to process it, this book provides a roadmap on what not to do. Do the opposite of everything in this book, and you’ll be fine-ish.
This isn’t for everyone. The faint of heart need not partake. You’ll read this and feel dirty. You’ll wonder why you read it in the first place. But then you’ll be glad you did. Trust me.
September 24, 2025
‘There’s something decidedly divine about wallowing in the depths of despair, in the throes of melancholy—it’s holy, sacred. Death is the final act and cannot be undone. Despair and misery, however, can ferry you to the most consecrated of places within the confines of your mind.’
Eric LaRocca has such a distinct way of writing horror that feels less about jump scares and more about peeling back layers of grief, shame, and human ugliness. At Dark I Become Loathsome is no exception, it’s dark, intimate, and deeply unsettling in the best way.
The story follows Ashley, a man broken by loss, who offers others the chance to “die” without actually dying. It’s such a chilling, fascinating premise, and LaRocca pushes it to some truly uncomfortable places. The writing is raw and haunting, full of repetition and ritual that give it this hypnotic, oppressive atmosphere.
It’s not an easy read, there are moments that are incredibly bleak and hard to sit with, but that’s also what makes it so powerful. It lingers. The only reason I’m not giving a full five stars is that a couple of parts felt a little under explored, and I wanted just a bit more depth in certain areas.
Still, this is another brilliant, unsettling piece from LaRocca. If you’re drawn to horror that gets under your skin and makes you think as much as it makes you squirm, this one’s for you. LaRocca has quickly become an auto-buy author for me, and I can’t wait to see what comes next.
I Highly Recommend.
4.5
Eric LaRocca has such a distinct way of writing horror that feels less about jump scares and more about peeling back layers of grief, shame, and human ugliness. At Dark I Become Loathsome is no exception, it’s dark, intimate, and deeply unsettling in the best way.
The story follows Ashley, a man broken by loss, who offers others the chance to “die” without actually dying. It’s such a chilling, fascinating premise, and LaRocca pushes it to some truly uncomfortable places. The writing is raw and haunting, full of repetition and ritual that give it this hypnotic, oppressive atmosphere.
It’s not an easy read, there are moments that are incredibly bleak and hard to sit with, but that’s also what makes it so powerful. It lingers. The only reason I’m not giving a full five stars is that a couple of parts felt a little under explored, and I wanted just a bit more depth in certain areas.
Still, this is another brilliant, unsettling piece from LaRocca. If you’re drawn to horror that gets under your skin and makes you think as much as it makes you squirm, this one’s for you. LaRocca has quickly become an auto-buy author for me, and I can’t wait to see what comes next.
I Highly Recommend.
4.5
February 11, 2025
Title/Author: At Dark, I Become Loathsome by Eric LaRocca
Page Count: 240 pages (my arc was 165)
Publisher: Blackstone
Format: physical, paperback arc
Other Books I Enjoyed by This Author: Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and Other Misfortunes, The Trees Grew Because I Bled There, You've Lost A Lot of Blood, Fanged Dandelion,
Affiliate Link: https://bookshop.org/a/7576/979821217...
Release Date: January 28th, 2025
General Genre: Horror, Crime/Thriller
Sub-Genre/Themes: Grief, missing child, cancer patients, death & dying, sexual fantasies/fetishes, fetishsizing cancer, SA, explicit sex acts, gratuitous sex, SA of a child, 2 acts of animal cruelty (dog), suicide, suicidal ideation, probably more I'm forgetting
Writing Style: very stylized, inner monologue, chat room format, found documents, mixed media, nested doll stories
What You Need to Know: "a grim yet gentle, horrifying yet hopeful, intense tale of death, trauma, and love."
My Reading Experience: Oh. My. God. Eric LaRocca has fully ascended into his final form with At Dark, I Become Loathsome—a book so dark, so utterly depraved, that I’m honestly concerned for anyone who reads it (myself included). And yet, I devoured every single page. Please, please be mindful of the content warnings I have provided.
Look, I’ve been vocal in the past about my complicated relationship with LaRocca’s work. I loved Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke—it was bold, transgressive, and provocative in a way that few books dare to be. But I haven’t always been on board with everything else he’s put out. I’ve been critical of his previous novel and short fiction before, feeling at times that the execution didn’t quite match the vision.
This is, without a doubt, LaRocca’s best work to date. It feels like the inevitable evolution from his short form storytelling into something deeper, more layered, and even more explorative. LaRocca isn’t concerned with the conventions of mainstream storytelling here, there’s no neat beginning, middle, and end, no comforting structure to hold onto. Nothing has been watered down or sanitized.
Instead, it unravels like a fever dream, spiraling down into the mind of a man irreparably broken. The brilliance is that it never gets weighed down by trivial exposition or mundane details. There’s no wasted breath on the ordinary. Every word seems deliberate, every scene feels like an excised, exposed nerve ending.
This book reads like a troubled, mind turned inside out. Even the way the nested stories interrupted the flow felt intentional--meant to alarm the reader with raw, disturbing thoughts. It feels both intimate and unbearable. There’s no attempt to anchor the reader in normalcy—because normal would be boring. What does exist here is human cruelty at its most casual, violence performed like a ritual.
Depravity is staged to resemble mercy and hope. The protagonist is totally unrelatable/unlikable with the way he seems undeterred by his mission to help people who are grieving when he is in no position to do so. The way he justifies his behaviors is...inappropriate and uncomfortable.
It is beyond unsettling and disruptive. I hated and loved it at the same time.
I'm uncomfortable with this book and yet, I marveled at LaRocca's ability (bravery) to give life to this monstrosity.
Final Recommendation: I speak directly to horror fans who have previously read Eric LaRocca's work and are familiar with recurring themes of human depravity, disordered thinking, obsession/possession, love & pain, grief & loss, and toxic relationships...this is the definitive book marking a serious evolution--I can see the stretch marks of growth and skill. Honestly, I feel like everything that has come before this book, served as neon signs that point to At Dark, I Become Loathsome. I'm excited for future books!
Comps: Clive Barker, Poppy Z. Brite, Kathe Koja
Page Count: 240 pages (my arc was 165)
Publisher: Blackstone
Format: physical, paperback arc
Other Books I Enjoyed by This Author: Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke and Other Misfortunes, The Trees Grew Because I Bled There, You've Lost A Lot of Blood, Fanged Dandelion,
Affiliate Link: https://bookshop.org/a/7576/979821217...
Release Date: January 28th, 2025
General Genre: Horror, Crime/Thriller
Sub-Genre/Themes: Grief, missing child, cancer patients, death & dying, sexual fantasies/fetishes, fetishsizing cancer, SA, explicit sex acts, gratuitous sex, SA of a child, 2 acts of animal cruelty (dog), suicide, suicidal ideation, probably more I'm forgetting
Writing Style: very stylized, inner monologue, chat room format, found documents, mixed media, nested doll stories
What You Need to Know: "a grim yet gentle, horrifying yet hopeful, intense tale of death, trauma, and love."
My Reading Experience: Oh. My. God. Eric LaRocca has fully ascended into his final form with At Dark, I Become Loathsome—a book so dark, so utterly depraved, that I’m honestly concerned for anyone who reads it (myself included). And yet, I devoured every single page. Please, please be mindful of the content warnings I have provided.
Look, I’ve been vocal in the past about my complicated relationship with LaRocca’s work. I loved Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke—it was bold, transgressive, and provocative in a way that few books dare to be. But I haven’t always been on board with everything else he’s put out. I’ve been critical of his previous novel and short fiction before, feeling at times that the execution didn’t quite match the vision.
This is, without a doubt, LaRocca’s best work to date. It feels like the inevitable evolution from his short form storytelling into something deeper, more layered, and even more explorative. LaRocca isn’t concerned with the conventions of mainstream storytelling here, there’s no neat beginning, middle, and end, no comforting structure to hold onto. Nothing has been watered down or sanitized.
Instead, it unravels like a fever dream, spiraling down into the mind of a man irreparably broken. The brilliance is that it never gets weighed down by trivial exposition or mundane details. There’s no wasted breath on the ordinary. Every word seems deliberate, every scene feels like an excised, exposed nerve ending.
This book reads like a troubled, mind turned inside out. Even the way the nested stories interrupted the flow felt intentional--meant to alarm the reader with raw, disturbing thoughts. It feels both intimate and unbearable. There’s no attempt to anchor the reader in normalcy—because normal would be boring. What does exist here is human cruelty at its most casual, violence performed like a ritual.
Depravity is staged to resemble mercy and hope. The protagonist is totally unrelatable/unlikable with the way he seems undeterred by his mission to help people who are grieving when he is in no position to do so. The way he justifies his behaviors is...inappropriate and uncomfortable.
It is beyond unsettling and disruptive. I hated and loved it at the same time.
I'm uncomfortable with this book and yet, I marveled at LaRocca's ability (bravery) to give life to this monstrosity.
Final Recommendation: I speak directly to horror fans who have previously read Eric LaRocca's work and are familiar with recurring themes of human depravity, disordered thinking, obsession/possession, love & pain, grief & loss, and toxic relationships...this is the definitive book marking a serious evolution--I can see the stretch marks of growth and skill. Honestly, I feel like everything that has come before this book, served as neon signs that point to At Dark, I Become Loathsome. I'm excited for future books!
Comps: Clive Barker, Poppy Z. Brite, Kathe Koja
January 28, 2025
Eric LaRocca is a force to be reckoned with!
Ashley Lutin has recently lost both his wife and his son. As he struggles to continue to exist, his grief and his feelings of guilt are constantly fighting to take over...everything. Perhaps as a way to assuage these feelings, Ashley comes up with a ritual to help others in the same situation. He posts this:
“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”
As it turns out, Ashley was right. There were other people out there in the same situation and he was prepared to help them. What does this "ritual" involve? Will it change people's lives in the way Ashley promises them it will? You'll have to read this to find out!
Eric LaRocca's writing is only improving as his career rolls on. His characters look and feel real. His prose is sparse, yet vivid and easily pictured in my mind's eye. Ashley is not a likeable man. However, somehow, Eric got me to care for him. As I read about his life, the tragedies that have affected him, and his responses to them we do learn that at dark, he becomes loathsome. His constant repetition of this is like his personal mantra.
For me, the highlights of this book lived in the stories within the story. First off, I love when that happens in a book. Looking back at some of my favorite books of all time, many of them contain a lot of stories within the story-Straub's Ghost Story or John Langan's The Fisherman, just to name a few. There were two of these in this book and both of them were stark, brutal tales. This is where Eric really excels. Body horror blended with the bizarre, sex, and the nihilistic is where his best work shines. In this way, he always reminds me of Clive Barker in his early days.
Eric LaRocca is going to be part of the future of horror, there is no denying that fact. His work is consistently fresh, exciting and brutal. We are lucky to be in on the ground floor. We LaRocca readers can say "I remember when he just started out." and be proud of it. I will be able to say I invested early and I earned as much as Apple stock purchased in the 80's. Eric surprises me. He entertains me. He stirs up the darkest shadows of my black, rotted, horror-loving heart.
At Dark, I Become Loathsome earns my highest recommendation!
Available January 28th, pre-orders are live.
*ARC from publisher
Ashley Lutin has recently lost both his wife and his son. As he struggles to continue to exist, his grief and his feelings of guilt are constantly fighting to take over...everything. Perhaps as a way to assuage these feelings, Ashley comes up with a ritual to help others in the same situation. He posts this:
“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”
As it turns out, Ashley was right. There were other people out there in the same situation and he was prepared to help them. What does this "ritual" involve? Will it change people's lives in the way Ashley promises them it will? You'll have to read this to find out!
Eric LaRocca's writing is only improving as his career rolls on. His characters look and feel real. His prose is sparse, yet vivid and easily pictured in my mind's eye. Ashley is not a likeable man. However, somehow, Eric got me to care for him. As I read about his life, the tragedies that have affected him, and his responses to them we do learn that at dark, he becomes loathsome. His constant repetition of this is like his personal mantra.
For me, the highlights of this book lived in the stories within the story. First off, I love when that happens in a book. Looking back at some of my favorite books of all time, many of them contain a lot of stories within the story-Straub's Ghost Story or John Langan's The Fisherman, just to name a few. There were two of these in this book and both of them were stark, brutal tales. This is where Eric really excels. Body horror blended with the bizarre, sex, and the nihilistic is where his best work shines. In this way, he always reminds me of Clive Barker in his early days.
Eric LaRocca is going to be part of the future of horror, there is no denying that fact. His work is consistently fresh, exciting and brutal. We are lucky to be in on the ground floor. We LaRocca readers can say "I remember when he just started out." and be proud of it. I will be able to say I invested early and I earned as much as Apple stock purchased in the 80's. Eric surprises me. He entertains me. He stirs up the darkest shadows of my black, rotted, horror-loving heart.
At Dark, I Become Loathsome earns my highest recommendation!
Available January 28th, pre-orders are live.
*ARC from publisher
January 6, 2025
This is by far the most 'novel' feeling work from Eric LaRocca. It didn't feel like a short story and it breached the confines of a novella. It is most similar in structure to Things Have Gotten Worse Since We Last Spoke but half as gross, and half as weird - in my opinion.
This is sad. Point blank. Full stop. Period. From page one to page done, this is depressing. I do love that in horror but please be aware going in that this is mainly following the loss of loved ones. I feel as though that makes it sound trite. But believe me when I say this is anything but. I was tempted to give this a 3.5 star, because I was left very underwhelmed by the ending. Then I thought I had to at least give it a 3.75 for the unique story-telling and interesting plot points. But, then I said, "Wait a damn minute. The talk of grief alone in this book is exceptional to the point of deserving an entire star. 4 stars it is!"
The ever-deepening grief of loss is depicted here so skillfully. While also being unpredictable and off-putting. Which is how trauma really works.
What this main character has gone through, before we ever even meet him on page, is a tragedy Shakespeare wishes he'd written. This isn't a 'horror' in the cliche meaning of the genre. It is horrifying and deeply unsettling. But through the depth of utter depression and loss of meaning and life that we are in the mind of with this character. It really makes you look at other's and wonder what they're going through and second guess every time you've judged the way someone reacted to something bad happening to them.
I do want to say something spoiler-y before I go. So I will hide it from anyone who cares...
This is sad. Point blank. Full stop. Period. From page one to page done, this is depressing. I do love that in horror but please be aware going in that this is mainly following the loss of loved ones. I feel as though that makes it sound trite. But believe me when I say this is anything but. I was tempted to give this a 3.5 star, because I was left very underwhelmed by the ending. Then I thought I had to at least give it a 3.75 for the unique story-telling and interesting plot points. But, then I said, "Wait a damn minute. The talk of grief alone in this book is exceptional to the point of deserving an entire star. 4 stars it is!"
The ever-deepening grief of loss is depicted here so skillfully. While also being unpredictable and off-putting. Which is how trauma really works.
What this main character has gone through, before we ever even meet him on page, is a tragedy Shakespeare wishes he'd written. This isn't a 'horror' in the cliche meaning of the genre. It is horrifying and deeply unsettling. But through the depth of utter depression and loss of meaning and life that we are in the mind of with this character. It really makes you look at other's and wonder what they're going through and second guess every time you've judged the way someone reacted to something bad happening to them.
I do want to say something spoiler-y before I go. So I will hide it from anyone who cares...
February 7, 2025
Ashley is struggling, has been for some time, with the death of his wife, followed by the abduction of his son. He has been grieving for a long time, and things have definitely taken a dark and disturbing path.
This was my first La Rocca. I can see now how ratings for them seem to be all over the map. This is absolutely one of the most disturbing things I have ever read. The book just made me quite upset, and that is going to stay with me. That is intentional, so the author succeeded admirably in making me feel uneasy. Some of the content is downright disgusting, and I anticipate some might rate it lower because of that.
There is a lot of discussion surrounding grief and how others judge based on what they think is an appropriate way to grieve. I appreciate how that was handled. Despite the fact that it was under 200 pages, it really felt like a fully realized novel. The writing was very beautiful and lyrical. Sometimes though, I did think it flirted with being nonsensical. I was not a fan of one of the stories within the story (a conversation over text that went way too long, in my opinion). A portion of the book had some pacing issues because of it.
This book has all the triggers. If that or explicit content is going to bother you, I wouldn't recommend picking it up. The writing though is pretty amazing and deserves a higher rating because of it. I'm looking forward to getting into their backlist.
This was my first La Rocca. I can see now how ratings for them seem to be all over the map. This is absolutely one of the most disturbing things I have ever read. The book just made me quite upset, and that is going to stay with me. That is intentional, so the author succeeded admirably in making me feel uneasy. Some of the content is downright disgusting, and I anticipate some might rate it lower because of that.
There is a lot of discussion surrounding grief and how others judge based on what they think is an appropriate way to grieve. I appreciate how that was handled. Despite the fact that it was under 200 pages, it really felt like a fully realized novel. The writing was very beautiful and lyrical. Sometimes though, I did think it flirted with being nonsensical. I was not a fan of one of the stories within the story (a conversation over text that went way too long, in my opinion). A portion of the book had some pacing issues because of it.
This book has all the triggers. If that or explicit content is going to bother you, I wouldn't recommend picking it up. The writing though is pretty amazing and deserves a higher rating because of it. I'm looking forward to getting into their backlist.
November 21, 2024
i think this book tries too hard at being vulgar & disturbing, so much so that it loses its impact less than halfway through.
the repeated mantra of “at dark i become loathsome” throughout the novel doesn’t have as much effect as it’s meant to, which is a shame. i found myself rolling my eyes every time it was brought up—along with every time the mc mentioned how his multiple piercings supposedly made him monstrous (which?? babe, in this day and age? be fr.) while i understand why his overall appearance may be startling to those in a small town, i just don’t think it was really that deep tbh.
the repeated mantra of “at dark i become loathsome” throughout the novel doesn’t have as much effect as it’s meant to, which is a shame. i found myself rolling my eyes every time it was brought up—along with every time the mc mentioned how his multiple piercings supposedly made him monstrous (which?? babe, in this day and age? be fr.) while i understand why his overall appearance may be startling to those in a small town, i just don’t think it was really that deep tbh.
September 20, 2025
“There's something decidedly divine about wallowing in the depths of despair, in the throes of melancholy - it's holy, sacred. Death is the final act and cannot be undone. Despair and misery, however, can ferry you to the most consecrated of places within the confines of your mind.”
LaRocca is a special artist to me; he was my first experience with the Splatterpunk genre. I love his work. He always takes me on a magic carpet ride, his books just hit. Yes, like a drug. It has the same effect, makes my dopamine levels go all silly. I tell myself: No, cara mia, you're reading it wrong. This is LaRocca. You have to sit back, clear your mind, and then grant it immunity. Let the story seduce you. Allow it to whisk you away and see where it takes you. When you get there, keep going...
🎶 "Well, you don't know what we can find
Why don't you come with me, little girl
On a magic carpet ride
You don't know what we can see
Why don't you tell your dreams to me
Fantasy will set you free" 🎶 - Steppenwolf ‧ 1968
Psst…🖤 the book cover art.
::chef's kiss::
LaRocca is a special artist to me; he was my first experience with the Splatterpunk genre. I love his work. He always takes me on a magic carpet ride, his books just hit. Yes, like a drug. It has the same effect, makes my dopamine levels go all silly. I tell myself: No, cara mia, you're reading it wrong. This is LaRocca. You have to sit back, clear your mind, and then grant it immunity. Let the story seduce you. Allow it to whisk you away and see where it takes you. When you get there, keep going...
🎶 "Well, you don't know what we can find
Why don't you come with me, little girl
On a magic carpet ride
You don't know what we can see
Why don't you tell your dreams to me
Fantasy will set you free" 🎶 - Steppenwolf ‧ 1968
Psst…🖤 the book cover art.
::chef's kiss::
May 29, 2024
TW/CW: Language, smoking, drug use, loss of child, death by suicide (attempt), cancer (graphic), animal abuse, animal death (graphic), grieving, mourning, depression, anxiety, homophobia, slur, SA of a child (graphic), blood, gore
*****SPOILERS*****
About the book:
“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”
A single line of text, glowing in the darkness of the internet. Written by Ashley Lutin, who has often thought the same—and worse—in the years since his wife died and his young son disappeared. But the peace of the grave is not for him—it’s for those he can help. Ashley has constructed a peculiar ritual for those whose desire to die is at war with their yearning to live a better life.
Struggling to overcome his own endless grief, one night Ashley finds connection with Jinx—a potential candidate for Ashley’s next ritual—who spins a tale both revolting and fascinating. Thus begins a relationship that traps the two men in an ever-tightening spiral of painful revelations, where long-hidden secrets are dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light.
Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find new life.
Release Date: January 28th, 2025
Genre: Horror
Pages: - -
Rating: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
What I Liked:
1. That cover is so good
2. Queer rep
3. The rules of the ritual
4. Fast read
What I Didn't Like:
1. Over-writtened sentances
2. Beautiful sentences that make no sense
3. Saying piercings on the face make you a monster
4. Repetitive
5. Author uses coffin instead of casket
6. Plotholes
Overall Thoughts:
{{Disclaimer: I write my review as I read}}
"SOMETIMES PAIN IS EARNED"
We meet a nameless man who finds people from fourms to bury them and have them be "reborn".
Right off the bat the main character reminded me of the Devil man from The Haunt movie.
Ashley is the characters name who performs these rituals.
I am shocked that Ashley is able to find people willing to be bathed by a stranger in an isolated area.
His wife is dead and he sees her "ghost" in the TV because it happens after he gets a phone call from a man that turns him on.
We get more clues into Ash's long time battle with his sexuality. Afterwards he gets a visit from his son, Bailey in his mom's wedding dress and the level of abuse that Ash had experienced through his own father is revealed when Ash's son says the neighborhood kids ripped the dress and called him what his dad called him too; a word that isn't told to us. You can use your imagination on what that word is.
Through a newspaper article we learned that his his wife, Pema died from breast cancer. A year later Bailey is abducted outside a store.
The detective on the case stops by to show Ash a photo of the hat that was found covered in blood. So now she informs them they'll be looking for a body instead of a missing person. It's also at this point we learn that Ash started getting the piercings after his wife died and then when his son went missing he continued to get more. I wish piercings weren't here by the author as a reminder to people that they are ugly. I don't like that.
Nice to see the return of chats in the author's book, but what is his obsession with stories inside other stores? We can survive on one book we don't need a story in a story in a story. This section was so long and boring and misplaced. Honestly it took me out if the story.
Another insect story....
17 pages of the most mismatched story in the middle of the book via chat format. Wth was that even supposed to be?? I was; lost, confused, bored, annoyed. The story ends with both parties leaving the chat. What's the point?
Ashes dick is hard again. That's 3 times we've had to read about it.
"Before I realize it, I’m on the threshold of an orgasm. I let out an agonized whimper and squirt molten cream across the computer keyboard."
What a yes to be alive so we can read gems like that!
Ash asks if the man read his profile and knows to bring cash when they meet up in three days, but when he get to Ash's profile section talking about the payment it doesn't say an amount.
"Cost for each client varies depending on the length of the procedure and includes both pre-care and aftercare for the ritual."
So how does this man know how much to show up? Actually how would anyone know how much to bring if the price isn't even set until after the ritual is done? Like the woman in the beginning she just pulls out a roll of bills to give to him afterwards but how did he know it was the right amount and how did she know she'd have enough?
Now Ashley believes that the only way to help these people that show up for the ritual should be put out of their mercy and actually just killed.
Make it make sense but Ashley creepily washes these people down with washcloths while they are naked in front of him, but then when the robe is handed to them they have to walk away naked to put the robe on. Why? That seems so weird. Dude is here scrubbing between her legs but when she gets dressed she has to hide away.
Does Ashley think he'd get away with this? He moved her car (no gloves). Has her buried in a casket that can link back to him. And buried her in a robe with his fibers all over it.
Omg I am over hearing about what a monster Ash is just because of his piercings. As though he is the first person to get piercings. He just sounds like the emo kid that keeps talking about different and he's not like other people are.
He ends up going back to get another casket from the funeral and the whole time I was just thinking why wouldn't he go back and get the woman out of the casket he buried her in and just put her in the ground. Why go to all the trouble of trying to get another casket when he already has a casket that's only been in the ground for a few days so it still be okay and she hasn't started really decomposing yet. Just go back and get your casket dude. In the end the funeral director does give him a new casket but then Ash starts questioning how he'll get a new casket every time. At this point I'm like just make your own out of wood.
Another story in the middle of the book we're at now. Cool. This is the story from the man that you read about earlier that has the blog. The blog was about how he gets turned on when his husband is diagnosed with colon cancer.
Tandy and Victor's story is just paragraph upon paragraph of Tandy talking about how he wants to pound his husband every second of the day now that he has cancer. Pretty repetitive. There is even a disturbing section where Tandy describes how he would be turned on by Victor if he got so thin as though he were a Holocaust Survivor. So yeah.....
Ashley meets Jinx, the new person to want to be buried and he also tells a dog story that ends in abuse.
Ashley starts talking to Jinx and even mentions his wife dying and son that is missing. He shows Jinx a photo of Bailey dressed up in a wedding dress but he was bothered by Bailey dressing up in women's clothing and had even one time called him a faggot, so why would Ashley had taken a photo of him dressed up? Seemed a little out of place for how Ashley reacted to Bailey dressing up to snap a photo of something you don't want want to remember that your kid does.
Jinx says he's the one that took Baily, which duh who didn't see that coming? So after this shocking admission Jinx slams the lid shut and rather than opening the casket to question him more Ash just buries him all the while questioning if he should then unbury him to question him further. Why wouldn't you have questioned him right when he said that? Who would want to spend 30 minutes thinking this dude was the one that possibly took him?
How did Jinx find and know that Ashley was Baily's father via Internet? It's not like he had his name on the forums.
Omg Jinx is literally telling Ashley that he took his son but rather than wait the story out of why and how Ashley just starts beating him and then immediately beating him so badly he can't even stay conscious. Let him talk if you want answers. Don't beat someone when they are talking. You beat someone who isn't talking!
Jinx sexually abused Baily and he talks about what he did to him. Then Jinx brings up the story in the chatroom and asks if Ashley got off on it. Ashley actually answers yes to this while talking to the man that raped his son and is in the middle of talking about the abuse. Just why dude why. What kind of parent would react in that way?
After beating him he leaves him in the school house bleeding out and tries to save the lady he buried alive. Of course she is dead. And we don't know if he returns to Jinx or turns himself in for murdering this lady.
I just remembered that when Ashley asked him to right some wrongs the only thing he had remorse for was the dog not what had happened to Baily. In Jinx' mind Baily didn't even make to the level of remorse of a dog.
Final Thoughts:
Say one of the biggest issues I have with the author's writing is that there's a lot of things that sound pretty, but make no sense. You definitely has a way with words but some things your left scratching your head like what did that even mean?
"I study the lines crisscrossing my palm— the wrinkles, the curves, the small forms carrying my spirit on an invisible conveyor belt I didn’t ask to ride."
I do find it a little offensive that to the author piercings make a person so hideous. As a person with many face piercings I didn't like that about Ash. It's like saying that the author thinks they are what makes people ugly and I found that odd.
So much of the authors writing almost always feels like it repeats itself;
• Grief
• Sexual restraints
• Insects
• Stories inside stories inside stories
• Repetitive sentances throughout book
I didn't like that the author kept using coffin when it's actually a casket that Ash was getting. Coffins have six sides and caskets have four sides which are what standard Funeral Home cell is a casket.
Speaking of caskets you also have to suspend your disbelief that Ash is able to pick up a casket and put it in a hole, removal from the hole, drag it back to the van, put it in the van, all while it's over a hundred and some pounds to 200lbs. I mean that's a lot. Oh and he digs a hole on site too.
Every story from this author seems to have some kind of obscene sexual undertone to it. I can't tell if he's trying to channel Dennis Cooper or if the author is trying too hard to come off shocking. Every book I have read from him so far has had the same two undertones; it's grief and sex. I would love to read something new from this author. Something that doesn't always come across as the same two subjects. Like Donnie Darko says;
"There are other things that need to be taken into account here, like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can't just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else."
This book started off so so good and I was enjoying myself but the countless stories inside stories and same undertone of books from the author just came of repetitive. If you've read one Eric LaRocca book you've pretty much read them all.
IG | Blog
Thanks to Netgalley and Blackstone Publishing for this advanced ebook. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
*****SPOILERS*****
About the book:
“If you’re reading this, you’ve likely thought that the world would be a better place without you.”
A single line of text, glowing in the darkness of the internet. Written by Ashley Lutin, who has often thought the same—and worse—in the years since his wife died and his young son disappeared. But the peace of the grave is not for him—it’s for those he can help. Ashley has constructed a peculiar ritual for those whose desire to die is at war with their yearning to live a better life.
Struggling to overcome his own endless grief, one night Ashley finds connection with Jinx—a potential candidate for Ashley’s next ritual—who spins a tale both revolting and fascinating. Thus begins a relationship that traps the two men in an ever-tightening spiral of painful revelations, where long-hidden secrets are dragged, kicking and screaming, into the light.
Only through pain can we find healing. Only through death can we find new life.
Release Date: January 28th, 2025
Genre: Horror
Pages: - -
Rating: ⭐ ⭐ ⭐
What I Liked:
1. That cover is so good
2. Queer rep
3. The rules of the ritual
4. Fast read
What I Didn't Like:
1. Over-writtened sentances
2. Beautiful sentences that make no sense
3. Saying piercings on the face make you a monster
4. Repetitive
5. Author uses coffin instead of casket
6. Plotholes
Overall Thoughts:
{{Disclaimer: I write my review as I read}}
"SOMETIMES PAIN IS EARNED"
We meet a nameless man who finds people from fourms to bury them and have them be "reborn".
Right off the bat the main character reminded me of the Devil man from The Haunt movie.
Ashley is the characters name who performs these rituals.
I am shocked that Ashley is able to find people willing to be bathed by a stranger in an isolated area.
His wife is dead and he sees her "ghost" in the TV because it happens after he gets a phone call from a man that turns him on.
We get more clues into Ash's long time battle with his sexuality. Afterwards he gets a visit from his son, Bailey in his mom's wedding dress and the level of abuse that Ash had experienced through his own father is revealed when Ash's son says the neighborhood kids ripped the dress and called him what his dad called him too; a word that isn't told to us. You can use your imagination on what that word is.
Through a newspaper article we learned that his his wife, Pema died from breast cancer. A year later Bailey is abducted outside a store.
The detective on the case stops by to show Ash a photo of the hat that was found covered in blood. So now she informs them they'll be looking for a body instead of a missing person. It's also at this point we learn that Ash started getting the piercings after his wife died and then when his son went missing he continued to get more. I wish piercings weren't here by the author as a reminder to people that they are ugly. I don't like that.
Nice to see the return of chats in the author's book, but what is his obsession with stories inside other stores? We can survive on one book we don't need a story in a story in a story. This section was so long and boring and misplaced. Honestly it took me out if the story.
Another insect story....
17 pages of the most mismatched story in the middle of the book via chat format. Wth was that even supposed to be?? I was; lost, confused, bored, annoyed. The story ends with both parties leaving the chat. What's the point?
Ashes dick is hard again. That's 3 times we've had to read about it.
"Before I realize it, I’m on the threshold of an orgasm. I let out an agonized whimper and squirt molten cream across the computer keyboard."
What a yes to be alive so we can read gems like that!
Ash asks if the man read his profile and knows to bring cash when they meet up in three days, but when he get to Ash's profile section talking about the payment it doesn't say an amount.
"Cost for each client varies depending on the length of the procedure and includes both pre-care and aftercare for the ritual."
So how does this man know how much to show up? Actually how would anyone know how much to bring if the price isn't even set until after the ritual is done? Like the woman in the beginning she just pulls out a roll of bills to give to him afterwards but how did he know it was the right amount and how did she know she'd have enough?
Now Ashley believes that the only way to help these people that show up for the ritual should be put out of their mercy and actually just killed.
Make it make sense but Ashley creepily washes these people down with washcloths while they are naked in front of him, but then when the robe is handed to them they have to walk away naked to put the robe on. Why? That seems so weird. Dude is here scrubbing between her legs but when she gets dressed she has to hide away.
Does Ashley think he'd get away with this? He moved her car (no gloves). Has her buried in a casket that can link back to him. And buried her in a robe with his fibers all over it.
Omg I am over hearing about what a monster Ash is just because of his piercings. As though he is the first person to get piercings. He just sounds like the emo kid that keeps talking about different and he's not like other people are.
He ends up going back to get another casket from the funeral and the whole time I was just thinking why wouldn't he go back and get the woman out of the casket he buried her in and just put her in the ground. Why go to all the trouble of trying to get another casket when he already has a casket that's only been in the ground for a few days so it still be okay and she hasn't started really decomposing yet. Just go back and get your casket dude. In the end the funeral director does give him a new casket but then Ash starts questioning how he'll get a new casket every time. At this point I'm like just make your own out of wood.
Another story in the middle of the book we're at now. Cool. This is the story from the man that you read about earlier that has the blog. The blog was about how he gets turned on when his husband is diagnosed with colon cancer.
Tandy and Victor's story is just paragraph upon paragraph of Tandy talking about how he wants to pound his husband every second of the day now that he has cancer. Pretty repetitive. There is even a disturbing section where Tandy describes how he would be turned on by Victor if he got so thin as though he were a Holocaust Survivor. So yeah.....
Ashley meets Jinx, the new person to want to be buried and he also tells a dog story that ends in abuse.
Ashley starts talking to Jinx and even mentions his wife dying and son that is missing. He shows Jinx a photo of Bailey dressed up in a wedding dress but he was bothered by Bailey dressing up in women's clothing and had even one time called him a faggot, so why would Ashley had taken a photo of him dressed up? Seemed a little out of place for how Ashley reacted to Bailey dressing up to snap a photo of something you don't want want to remember that your kid does.
Jinx says he's the one that took Baily, which duh who didn't see that coming? So after this shocking admission Jinx slams the lid shut and rather than opening the casket to question him more Ash just buries him all the while questioning if he should then unbury him to question him further. Why wouldn't you have questioned him right when he said that? Who would want to spend 30 minutes thinking this dude was the one that possibly took him?
How did Jinx find and know that Ashley was Baily's father via Internet? It's not like he had his name on the forums.
Omg Jinx is literally telling Ashley that he took his son but rather than wait the story out of why and how Ashley just starts beating him and then immediately beating him so badly he can't even stay conscious. Let him talk if you want answers. Don't beat someone when they are talking. You beat someone who isn't talking!
Jinx sexually abused Baily and he talks about what he did to him. Then Jinx brings up the story in the chatroom and asks if Ashley got off on it. Ashley actually answers yes to this while talking to the man that raped his son and is in the middle of talking about the abuse. Just why dude why. What kind of parent would react in that way?
After beating him he leaves him in the school house bleeding out and tries to save the lady he buried alive. Of course she is dead. And we don't know if he returns to Jinx or turns himself in for murdering this lady.
I just remembered that when Ashley asked him to right some wrongs the only thing he had remorse for was the dog not what had happened to Baily. In Jinx' mind Baily didn't even make to the level of remorse of a dog.
Final Thoughts:
Say one of the biggest issues I have with the author's writing is that there's a lot of things that sound pretty, but make no sense. You definitely has a way with words but some things your left scratching your head like what did that even mean?
"I study the lines crisscrossing my palm— the wrinkles, the curves, the small forms carrying my spirit on an invisible conveyor belt I didn’t ask to ride."
I do find it a little offensive that to the author piercings make a person so hideous. As a person with many face piercings I didn't like that about Ash. It's like saying that the author thinks they are what makes people ugly and I found that odd.
So much of the authors writing almost always feels like it repeats itself;
• Grief
• Sexual restraints
• Insects
• Stories inside stories inside stories
• Repetitive sentances throughout book
I didn't like that the author kept using coffin when it's actually a casket that Ash was getting. Coffins have six sides and caskets have four sides which are what standard Funeral Home cell is a casket.
Speaking of caskets you also have to suspend your disbelief that Ash is able to pick up a casket and put it in a hole, removal from the hole, drag it back to the van, put it in the van, all while it's over a hundred and some pounds to 200lbs. I mean that's a lot. Oh and he digs a hole on site too.
Every story from this author seems to have some kind of obscene sexual undertone to it. I can't tell if he's trying to channel Dennis Cooper or if the author is trying too hard to come off shocking. Every book I have read from him so far has had the same two undertones; it's grief and sex. I would love to read something new from this author. Something that doesn't always come across as the same two subjects. Like Donnie Darko says;
"There are other things that need to be taken into account here, like the whole spectrum of human emotion. You can't just lump everything into these two categories and then just deny everything else."
This book started off so so good and I was enjoying myself but the countless stories inside stories and same undertone of books from the author just came of repetitive. If you've read one Eric LaRocca book you've pretty much read them all.
IG | Blog
Thanks to Netgalley and Blackstone Publishing for this advanced ebook. All thoughts and opinions are my own.
January 20, 2025
i don’t even know what to say about this, the way i was equally disgusted and invested at the same time is a testament to the authors ability to draw you in.. even when everything inside you is wanting to look away. this book focuses a lot on suicidal ideation, grief and depression— some of the scenes is this truly made me so uncomfortable. the formatting reminded me a bit of their other work things have gotten worse since we last spoke, but the content isn’t the same. the only thing i wish was different is the ending cause it was kind of abrupt, the reveal that happens before it had my jaw hanging open though. the narrator made this story 10x more compelling (to be expected of Teddy Hamilton).
↝ many thanks to NetGalley, the author and Blackstone Publishing for the audio arc, all opinions are my own.
↝ many thanks to NetGalley, the author and Blackstone Publishing for the audio arc, all opinions are my own.
December 1, 2024
eric larocca don’t waste my time with your stupid fake deep repulsive garbage (challenge level impossible)
January 4, 2025
some points felt a bit discombobulated but overall, the writing was lyrical, in the darkest way, and there were so many scenes that made my jaw drop to hell, including that ending!
TW: animal cruelty, suicidal ideations, depression, SA
TW: animal cruelty, suicidal ideations, depression, SA
Read
March 25, 2025 “Whether it’s blatantly displayed or more discreet, every horror story is about power.”
I’m not certain if you agree with the above quote; however, this notion about all horror stories being fundamentally built upon the concept of “power” is very much the source inspiration for At Dark, I Become Loathsome.
Prior to the creation of this book, I found myself struggling to decide what I wanted to write about. I knew I wanted to create a project that spoke to the downtrodden, the disenfranchised, the outcast. I yearned to write a story about alienation, the impact of ritual, and the bondage of grief. However, more than anything, I wanted to create something that spoke to my obsession with the idea that all horror stories are about power and control in some form or another. Whether it’s the power of an obsession or the corroding influence of a life-altering trauma, so much of horror (for me at least) seems to be rooted in the idea that we are collectively powerless, defenseless to the cruelty of the world. Perhaps that’s what makes being a living thing so excruciating, so unbearable at times. While some readers might prefer to utilize horror fiction as a form of escapism, I find myself compelled to savor the more uncomfortable truths of the world—to wallow in the misery, the agony, the despair.
So much of this novel is indelibly fixed in the idea of “the other”—more specifically, the outsider. Growing up as a queer kid in a small town in Connecticut made me very well acquainted with the notion of being different. I look back on certain moments from my childhood and wonder if I had misremembered them, if I had absentmindedly lifted them from some obscure horror film. There’s something perturbing, truly unsettling about being so powerless, so indefensible when you’re young and especially vulnerable. I wanted to capture some of those uncomfortable feelings in this book as well.
This novel will not be an easy read, I’m afraid. I’ve always been so enamored with transgressive literature because of its command to actually affect the reader—to depress, confront, disturb, challenge, etc. If you open your heart to the possibility of it, I hope this book has the power, the ability to ruin your day. After all, all horror stories are about power in some way or another. You’ll see what I mean soon enough…
WARNING: This novel contains graphic depictions of pedophilia, sexual assault, grief, cancer, gore, animal cruelty.
I’m not certain if you agree with the above quote; however, this notion about all horror stories being fundamentally built upon the concept of “power” is very much the source inspiration for At Dark, I Become Loathsome.
Prior to the creation of this book, I found myself struggling to decide what I wanted to write about. I knew I wanted to create a project that spoke to the downtrodden, the disenfranchised, the outcast. I yearned to write a story about alienation, the impact of ritual, and the bondage of grief. However, more than anything, I wanted to create something that spoke to my obsession with the idea that all horror stories are about power and control in some form or another. Whether it’s the power of an obsession or the corroding influence of a life-altering trauma, so much of horror (for me at least) seems to be rooted in the idea that we are collectively powerless, defenseless to the cruelty of the world. Perhaps that’s what makes being a living thing so excruciating, so unbearable at times. While some readers might prefer to utilize horror fiction as a form of escapism, I find myself compelled to savor the more uncomfortable truths of the world—to wallow in the misery, the agony, the despair.
So much of this novel is indelibly fixed in the idea of “the other”—more specifically, the outsider. Growing up as a queer kid in a small town in Connecticut made me very well acquainted with the notion of being different. I look back on certain moments from my childhood and wonder if I had misremembered them, if I had absentmindedly lifted them from some obscure horror film. There’s something perturbing, truly unsettling about being so powerless, so indefensible when you’re young and especially vulnerable. I wanted to capture some of those uncomfortable feelings in this book as well.
This novel will not be an easy read, I’m afraid. I’ve always been so enamored with transgressive literature because of its command to actually affect the reader—to depress, confront, disturb, challenge, etc. If you open your heart to the possibility of it, I hope this book has the power, the ability to ruin your day. After all, all horror stories are about power in some way or another. You’ll see what I mean soon enough…
WARNING: This novel contains graphic depictions of pedophilia, sexual assault, grief, cancer, gore, animal cruelty.
January 28, 2025
At the end (of the book), I became thankful (it was over)
Trying to make grief and sex into a shock value is meh. I don't even know what the f^ck was the point of this book.. 🫠
Trying to make grief and sex into a shock value is meh. I don't even know what the f^ck was the point of this book.. 🫠
April 5, 2025
Unfortunately, I was able to figure out the big reveal pretty early in the book! However, the story was intriguing and very unique… I just wish he would have left out the animal abuse - it pulled me right out of the story! If you like dogs, don’t read this book! 3 Stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️!
February 17, 2025
Eric Larocca's most disturbing book yet. Before picking this up, know it has just about any trigger you could think of.
November 14, 2024
I have read LaRocca before and actually don't mind his work so I was quite intrigued to give this one a go as I thought his writing is a bit quirky. This is not what I expected at all. This was just sick to be honest. I have read Splatterpunk and read some truly awful books, but for me this just went too far.
Ashley, I guess for his living, buries people for "fake deaths" and they come out as better people. His son has also gone missing. Now I know this is sad, but the whole book is just so depressing. Yea Ashley's life is shit, his wife also died of cancer, so yea he is going to be sad. There is almost no light and no hope for anyone or anybody and even though this is a short story, it feels like it just drones on in this big well of misery.
Ashley reads this blog by a guy who's husband has cancer and gets off on it. Then we divulge into the story from the husbands POV and honestly it is horrifying. For someone to have thoughts like that is just down right disgusting and this book really makes me question the author (Are you ok?) and has just changed my whole view point on him and his writing.
Then the ending just killed it for me. Just made me sigh and throw my hands up in the air. I feel my time and eyes were wasted on this.
I have read other reviews and I feel like people like to jump on certain books and be like this is amazing and oh my GAWD best thang I've ever read. For me, this is just not ok. Bin it
Thanks Netgalley and Titan books for my copy in return for an honest review
Ashley, I guess for his living, buries people for "fake deaths" and they come out as better people. His son has also gone missing. Now I know this is sad, but the whole book is just so depressing. Yea Ashley's life is shit, his wife also died of cancer, so yea he is going to be sad. There is almost no light and no hope for anyone or anybody and even though this is a short story, it feels like it just drones on in this big well of misery.
Ashley reads this blog by a guy who's husband has cancer and gets off on it. Then we divulge into the story from the husbands POV and honestly it is horrifying. For someone to have thoughts like that is just down right disgusting and this book really makes me question the author (Are you ok?) and has just changed my whole view point on him and his writing.
Then the ending just killed it for me. Just made me sigh and throw my hands up in the air. I feel my time and eyes were wasted on this.
I have read other reviews and I feel like people like to jump on certain books and be like this is amazing and oh my GAWD best thang I've ever read. For me, this is just not ok. Bin it
Thanks Netgalley and Titan books for my copy in return for an honest review
November 26, 2024
I’m terribly disturbed in the coolest and weirdest way 🤣. This was my first LaRocca experience…. and it’s quite the experience. I have to admit this is probably the darkest thing I’ve ever read. Well, probably close to it. Ya know, and I just couldn’t put it down. Best horror cover of the YEAR BY FAR!
Ashley lost his son and wife. It has sent him into the darkest places of hell within his mind. He struggles with the deepest grief imaginable.
What he does… is put up a forum online where you can purchase his services. Ashley feels the need to surround himself with others who feel just like him. The service? Read and you’ll find out.
His writing is gut wrenching beautiful and poignant. I felt all the emotions! Disgust, sorrow, empathy and more. I highly enjoyed this dark tale. Can’t wait to read more from him!!
CHECK ALL THE TRIGGER WARNINGS—-
4 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thanks to Eric LaRocca, Blackstone Publishing and NetGalley for the opportunity.
Publication date January 28, 2025
Ashley lost his son and wife. It has sent him into the darkest places of hell within his mind. He struggles with the deepest grief imaginable.
What he does… is put up a forum online where you can purchase his services. Ashley feels the need to surround himself with others who feel just like him. The service? Read and you’ll find out.
His writing is gut wrenching beautiful and poignant. I felt all the emotions! Disgust, sorrow, empathy and more. I highly enjoyed this dark tale. Can’t wait to read more from him!!
CHECK ALL THE TRIGGER WARNINGS—-
4 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thanks to Eric LaRocca, Blackstone Publishing and NetGalley for the opportunity.
Publication date January 28, 2025
Read
January 5, 2025I thought the first scene was terrifying and amazing. I liked the rest of it less. Okay, it's splatterpunk, but that didn't for me excuse some of its repetitive excesses. That said I liked narrator Andrew Eiden quite a lot.
April 24, 2025
"At dark, I become loathsome. I wish there were a way to somehow soften the unpleasantness of it—to disguise some of the foulness, to hide some of the repulsiveness—but the horrible, wretched fact of the matter is that I become remarkably different when it’s dark out."
This story is about Ashley Lutin in the throes of unbearable grief after having lost his wife to cancer and his son shortly after when he's kidnapped from the grocery store while he turned his back for just a couple of minutes. Without his wife and son he feels like monster. Like a vile wretched soul with terribly dark thoughts that over come him in the evenings.
That's all I'm willing to say plot wise.
This book is BRUTAL. LaRocca sets the scene and then lets the nightmare unfold and descend on his readers. Expect ALL the triggers. This book is gory, gruesome, and very sexually explicit but not in the 🔥 kind of way more like this 😨.
And that ending! Some reviewers said they saw it coming but I was taken completely by surprise.
My one and only complaint was the constant use of the title throughout the text. If this was an arc I would have thought it was some kind of mistake but this is a finished copy. I think an editor should have nixed them.
Eric LaRocca is becoming one of my favorite horror authors. It's not often you find authors in this genre that write so eloquently. This man is a master of his craft. For the folks saying he's terrible writer, that is simply not true. They don't like WHAT he's writing about and there's a big difference between the two. 4 stars!
This story is about Ashley Lutin in the throes of unbearable grief after having lost his wife to cancer and his son shortly after when he's kidnapped from the grocery store while he turned his back for just a couple of minutes. Without his wife and son he feels like monster. Like a vile wretched soul with terribly dark thoughts that over come him in the evenings.
That's all I'm willing to say plot wise.
This book is BRUTAL. LaRocca sets the scene and then lets the nightmare unfold and descend on his readers. Expect ALL the triggers. This book is gory, gruesome, and very sexually explicit but not in the 🔥 kind of way more like this 😨.
And that ending! Some reviewers said they saw it coming but I was taken completely by surprise.
My one and only complaint was the constant use of the title throughout the text. If this was an arc I would have thought it was some kind of mistake but this is a finished copy. I think an editor should have nixed them.
Eric LaRocca is becoming one of my favorite horror authors. It's not often you find authors in this genre that write so eloquently. This man is a master of his craft. For the folks saying he's terrible writer, that is simply not true. They don't like WHAT he's writing about and there's a big difference between the two. 4 stars!
April 9, 2025
At dark, he becomes loathsome... which if you ever forget this, don't worry, bc you will be reminded 50 times. I understand what the author was going for with that, but it was too much, and rather than having the desired effect, it was just ridiculous. I began going OH GOD in my brain every time by the middle of this book.
The rest of this is spoiler ish? Not really to the overall story, but if you wanna go in blind maybe don't read the rest of this.
Now onto the actual story.... and just.. wtf was that? It felt like someone spent some time on reddit reading about the dark web and then also played through max payne 3, and then decided to put those things into a book. It's trying too hard to be vulgar. The sexual descriptions are... gratuitous.. and then so you have all of that vulgarity, and then the protagonist is described as looking vile and whatever, and the only way this is described is by telling us he has so many piercings... okay? And? This man is turned on by some dark web cannibal story shit, and we can spend a significant amount of time and effort on that, but all we have for his appearance to tell us how vile he is is that he has piercings? What year is it lmao like what? Be so for real. Wow piercings, what a wacky guy... and just so you know, his piercings are mentioned many times throughout. Like this is the tool used to tell us he is awful to look at during this book... several times...
Also, to go back to that cannibal whatever story, basically there is a chat log portion of the book where some dude is telling the protagonist a story of a guy who goes to fellate another dude in a room with a camera to get his expensive peen piercing, shit goes sideways and one dude kills the other and is stuck in the room and has to eat the other dude.. it's a whole thing... but the way it's written is story like, but also in chat log form? No one talks like that when reiterating a story. I'm not going to my friends and being like "oh ya, I watched Larry go to the corner store, his hair glistening in the sun as he waddled down the sidewalk" bc I'm just talking on discord or whatever... that took me out of it, no one talks like that lol. Also the protagonist's username is sad boy and he is not 12 years old.... sad boy.... s a d b o y......
Later in this book, you also get a lovely anecdote about some dude whose husband has cancer, and the dude is like, turned on by his husband's cancer. He then tries to get his husband to turn down a life saving surgery to keep him cancerous bc he's a sick freak.. then his husband eventually gets the surgery, no cancer, guy is like "umm ya i was in love with ur cancer bye beech" and like.. that anecdote went on for PAGES... and I guess the cancer lover degenerate guy was posting on a blog about this and our lovely sad boy was reading said blog.. which.. also, who is still blogging? anyways, I think this was just to show our protagonist is a vile human being because he was into reading this story and kept up with this man... Like, it's just trying so hard. It felt like this and the chat log stories were both added to this book to give us something of substance to read because the rest of the book was mostly sad boy (his name is ashley, but like.. i will never get over sad boy lol) whining and self-loathing. and telling us about his piercings and how off-putting he is and how there is no hope ever bc blah blah. I feel like this book is just onision core, straight up.
And while it seems like I have spoiled this entire 170-page book by saying all of that, I haven't.. those have nothing to do with the main plot other than telling us how vile our protagonist is. they are complete tangents that feel endless. idk though, I figured him having piercings would convey his vile demeanour/appearance enough, like he had piercings!!!!!!
Also the use of the word "cream" in this context is evil. That is evil behaviour... Go to prison forever for that one...
At the end of this book I became loathsome bc holy shit i hated it lol.
The rest of this is spoiler ish? Not really to the overall story, but if you wanna go in blind maybe don't read the rest of this.
Now onto the actual story.... and just.. wtf was that? It felt like someone spent some time on reddit reading about the dark web and then also played through max payne 3, and then decided to put those things into a book. It's trying too hard to be vulgar. The sexual descriptions are... gratuitous.. and then so you have all of that vulgarity, and then the protagonist is described as looking vile and whatever, and the only way this is described is by telling us he has so many piercings... okay? And? This man is turned on by some dark web cannibal story shit, and we can spend a significant amount of time and effort on that, but all we have for his appearance to tell us how vile he is is that he has piercings? What year is it lmao like what? Be so for real. Wow piercings, what a wacky guy... and just so you know, his piercings are mentioned many times throughout. Like this is the tool used to tell us he is awful to look at during this book... several times...
Also, to go back to that cannibal whatever story, basically there is a chat log portion of the book where some dude is telling the protagonist a story of a guy who goes to fellate another dude in a room with a camera to get his expensive peen piercing, shit goes sideways and one dude kills the other and is stuck in the room and has to eat the other dude.. it's a whole thing... but the way it's written is story like, but also in chat log form? No one talks like that when reiterating a story. I'm not going to my friends and being like "oh ya, I watched Larry go to the corner store, his hair glistening in the sun as he waddled down the sidewalk" bc I'm just talking on discord or whatever... that took me out of it, no one talks like that lol. Also the protagonist's username is sad boy and he is not 12 years old.... sad boy.... s a d b o y......
Later in this book, you also get a lovely anecdote about some dude whose husband has cancer, and the dude is like, turned on by his husband's cancer. He then tries to get his husband to turn down a life saving surgery to keep him cancerous bc he's a sick freak.. then his husband eventually gets the surgery, no cancer, guy is like "umm ya i was in love with ur cancer bye beech" and like.. that anecdote went on for PAGES... and I guess the cancer lover degenerate guy was posting on a blog about this and our lovely sad boy was reading said blog.. which.. also, who is still blogging? anyways, I think this was just to show our protagonist is a vile human being because he was into reading this story and kept up with this man... Like, it's just trying so hard. It felt like this and the chat log stories were both added to this book to give us something of substance to read because the rest of the book was mostly sad boy (his name is ashley, but like.. i will never get over sad boy lol) whining and self-loathing. and telling us about his piercings and how off-putting he is and how there is no hope ever bc blah blah. I feel like this book is just onision core, straight up.
And while it seems like I have spoiled this entire 170-page book by saying all of that, I haven't.. those have nothing to do with the main plot other than telling us how vile our protagonist is. they are complete tangents that feel endless. idk though, I figured him having piercings would convey his vile demeanour/appearance enough, like he had piercings!!!!!!
Also the use of the word "cream" in this context is evil. That is evil behaviour... Go to prison forever for that one...
At the end of this book I became loathsome bc holy shit i hated it lol.
December 31, 2024
Have you ever puked and laughed hysterically at the same time while running away from a writhing orgy of giant lampreys who all had the face of Ed Meese?
Me neither.
But I have read Eric LaRocca and that's very close to the same thing.
Eric LaRocca has risen up as a new prince of carnage. A red prince. A valedictorian of the vomitorium. An author who fills you with awful obscenities until you are about to burst, and then plunges his fingers down your gullet making you regurgitate. Just so he can feed you more obscenities.
What a delightful show.
And we are his starving babies, begging for the chewed up, gory chunks he's brought to the nest to spit into our mouths.
Eric's latest book is called "At Dark, I Become Loathsome". And yes, I continue to love these hyperbolic giallo-ish titles. Indeed My Heart is a Glass Prison That Horror Shall Never Escape.
This latest offering is one of LaRocca's most straight-forward works and also one of his most diabolical.
It is about a mourning widower trying to compartmentalise their guilt, repressed sexuality and destructive instincts through a paid practice of helping other people face their own mortality. A sort of coming out ritual where the (willing) participant is buried alive and reborn. But this ritual is itself, a simulation for the main character's true desires. Of burying one's old identity and becoming the monster they long to be. The main character is having a complete breakdown born out of a combination of crisis and self-loathing, where acting out a ritual of harming others is a crippled parody of their own emotions.
And soon, they'll want more.
They'll want to go all the way.
And oh boy. Oh Jiminy Christmas. Oh Toledo Ohio. When Eric LaRocca wants to go all the way, you know things are going to get STICKY.
This character arc (which is actually more like a belly-flop into a meat-grinder full of destroyed puppies) is occasionally interrupted by miniature storytelling outbursts that are best described as internet oversharing on a Chernobyl level.
And I've seen Reddit.
I call these smaller stories 'interruptions', and they are, but they are also not, as they are a reflection of the main character's own desires digging their way out of the grave of his subconscious.
This is no simple trauma dump, this is a super-volcanic explosion that comes from massive repression building to an eruption that blankets the sky and reigns ash and misery.
Only in this case, it's not ash. It's viscera and other sweet juices of the human sort.
(Remember to wash your keyboards afterwards kids).
For people who found past Eric LaRocca novels too gruesome, this book will finally convince them that Eric is on the path of respectable representation and healthy discussions. Especially in regards to horrific violations of the human anatomy, brain-eating, testicular destruction and sexual fetishization of tumours and cancer. Y'know. At last.
Something for everybody. Polite clap. Flowers tossed at the stage.
In seriousness, Eric LaRocca is a fiend. Not just for his sense of gore or horror, but for his sense of humour. That's what makes all this work so much worse, the snickering, giddy playfulness of it all. A puck-ish glee that shows a complete resistance towards morality. Not just discarding it, but wiping one's ass with it. Reacting to the very idea of it, the same way the common outraged internet analyst would react to being forced to eat live capybara babies.
Eric isn't here to just gross you out, he's here to have a good time, grossing you out. And that's a significantly more diabolical (and respectable) creative act.
Now sometimes (like in this novel) I don't quite sync with LaRocca's more poetic attempts at prose. Although when he's good, like in his short story "This Skin Was Once Mine", he's quite formidable. But I always appreciate his attempts to mix and experiment with different styles of storytelling and how he's constantly trying to push his stylistic boundaries. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Que sera sera.
But I never, ever feel safe when I read one of his books.
I like that in horror.
You don't need to build tension when your work carries a constant sense of threat. For Eric it is all or nothing. Every single time. LaRocca approaches every slice of fiction with the intent of a screaming necrotic infection. The work doesn't just want to shock or gross-out readers, it wants to invade them. It wants to poison them. It wants to inflame and break them down. It wants the audience to relate to the grotesque oddities so that it can create a medium through which it can spread to us.
This book wants to connect to readers and then let its cruelty run through them like an electrical current. Kinda like the end result of Gremlins 2. Where the audience are laughing and singing and celebrating as we're reduced to mewing, popping, puddles of puke.
But beyond all that shock and tremble, Eric LaRocca's work consistently bristles with a keen sense of legitimacy.
His brutality is steeped in truth.
Often the most terrible acts imaginable are born from a desire for personal freedom. The wish to transcend. Not just our situations or our lot in life, but this mess of our feelings. This disaster of human civility. The 'normal world' as we so love to call it, hurts so many. To become repellent in the face of it, is a pure desire. It is the universal appeal of the monster.
Clive Barker had that right. And so does Eric LaRocca.
Everybody is feral. Everybody is terrifying. Monsters are just honest about it.
There's a joy to that. And a beauty you'll never find in a mirror.
The idea of becoming unburdened.
Becoming loathsome.
8/10
Thank you to Eric for providing me with an electronic ARC of this book!
Me neither.
But I have read Eric LaRocca and that's very close to the same thing.
Eric LaRocca has risen up as a new prince of carnage. A red prince. A valedictorian of the vomitorium. An author who fills you with awful obscenities until you are about to burst, and then plunges his fingers down your gullet making you regurgitate. Just so he can feed you more obscenities.
What a delightful show.
And we are his starving babies, begging for the chewed up, gory chunks he's brought to the nest to spit into our mouths.
Eric's latest book is called "At Dark, I Become Loathsome". And yes, I continue to love these hyperbolic giallo-ish titles. Indeed My Heart is a Glass Prison That Horror Shall Never Escape.
This latest offering is one of LaRocca's most straight-forward works and also one of his most diabolical.
It is about a mourning widower trying to compartmentalise their guilt, repressed sexuality and destructive instincts through a paid practice of helping other people face their own mortality. A sort of coming out ritual where the (willing) participant is buried alive and reborn. But this ritual is itself, a simulation for the main character's true desires. Of burying one's old identity and becoming the monster they long to be. The main character is having a complete breakdown born out of a combination of crisis and self-loathing, where acting out a ritual of harming others is a crippled parody of their own emotions.
And soon, they'll want more.
They'll want to go all the way.
And oh boy. Oh Jiminy Christmas. Oh Toledo Ohio. When Eric LaRocca wants to go all the way, you know things are going to get STICKY.
This character arc (which is actually more like a belly-flop into a meat-grinder full of destroyed puppies) is occasionally interrupted by miniature storytelling outbursts that are best described as internet oversharing on a Chernobyl level.
And I've seen Reddit.
I call these smaller stories 'interruptions', and they are, but they are also not, as they are a reflection of the main character's own desires digging their way out of the grave of his subconscious.
This is no simple trauma dump, this is a super-volcanic explosion that comes from massive repression building to an eruption that blankets the sky and reigns ash and misery.
Only in this case, it's not ash. It's viscera and other sweet juices of the human sort.
(Remember to wash your keyboards afterwards kids).
For people who found past Eric LaRocca novels too gruesome, this book will finally convince them that Eric is on the path of respectable representation and healthy discussions. Especially in regards to horrific violations of the human anatomy, brain-eating, testicular destruction and sexual fetishization of tumours and cancer. Y'know. At last.
Something for everybody. Polite clap. Flowers tossed at the stage.
In seriousness, Eric LaRocca is a fiend. Not just for his sense of gore or horror, but for his sense of humour. That's what makes all this work so much worse, the snickering, giddy playfulness of it all. A puck-ish glee that shows a complete resistance towards morality. Not just discarding it, but wiping one's ass with it. Reacting to the very idea of it, the same way the common outraged internet analyst would react to being forced to eat live capybara babies.
Eric isn't here to just gross you out, he's here to have a good time, grossing you out. And that's a significantly more diabolical (and respectable) creative act.
Now sometimes (like in this novel) I don't quite sync with LaRocca's more poetic attempts at prose. Although when he's good, like in his short story "This Skin Was Once Mine", he's quite formidable. But I always appreciate his attempts to mix and experiment with different styles of storytelling and how he's constantly trying to push his stylistic boundaries. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't. Que sera sera.
But I never, ever feel safe when I read one of his books.
I like that in horror.
You don't need to build tension when your work carries a constant sense of threat. For Eric it is all or nothing. Every single time. LaRocca approaches every slice of fiction with the intent of a screaming necrotic infection. The work doesn't just want to shock or gross-out readers, it wants to invade them. It wants to poison them. It wants to inflame and break them down. It wants the audience to relate to the grotesque oddities so that it can create a medium through which it can spread to us.
This book wants to connect to readers and then let its cruelty run through them like an electrical current. Kinda like the end result of Gremlins 2. Where the audience are laughing and singing and celebrating as we're reduced to mewing, popping, puddles of puke.
But beyond all that shock and tremble, Eric LaRocca's work consistently bristles with a keen sense of legitimacy.
His brutality is steeped in truth.
Often the most terrible acts imaginable are born from a desire for personal freedom. The wish to transcend. Not just our situations or our lot in life, but this mess of our feelings. This disaster of human civility. The 'normal world' as we so love to call it, hurts so many. To become repellent in the face of it, is a pure desire. It is the universal appeal of the monster.
Clive Barker had that right. And so does Eric LaRocca.
Everybody is feral. Everybody is terrifying. Monsters are just honest about it.
There's a joy to that. And a beauty you'll never find in a mirror.
The idea of becoming unburdened.
Becoming loathsome.
8/10
Thank you to Eric for providing me with an electronic ARC of this book!
December 27, 2024
Very heavy grief horror, this is one hell of a book.
Eric Larocca is at the top of his game, writing his most accessible book to date.
4.25 / 5
Eric Larocca is at the top of his game, writing his most accessible book to date.
4.25 / 5
February 16, 2025
A short novella. This was a different type of read. A dark story about a man whose wife dies and son disappears but evidence doesn’t just point to a disappearance. He’s trying to find himself.
This entire storyline highlights the darkest deepest thoughts and feelings people who are struggling might be experiencing.
The MC is a gothic man whose voice/thoughts/feelings don’t seem to match his outward appearance. I think that’s exactly the point. His character is a unique blend of depth and despair, struggling to come to terms with who he really is inside. He seems to balk at the person his father and wife expected him to be.
His journey to understand himself merges with his desire to help others understand themselves. He finds this in a man while starting to talk online. It’s a dark multilayered story that shows even in despair, there could be hope. It’s just done in a way in which I did not enjoy as the amount of sexual vulgarity seems to overtake the story.
I found the story kind of interesting but I hate all the abrasive sexual descriptions and talk so I knocked stars off for that.
This entire storyline highlights the darkest deepest thoughts and feelings people who are struggling might be experiencing.
The MC is a gothic man whose voice/thoughts/feelings don’t seem to match his outward appearance. I think that’s exactly the point. His character is a unique blend of depth and despair, struggling to come to terms with who he really is inside. He seems to balk at the person his father and wife expected him to be.
His journey to understand himself merges with his desire to help others understand themselves. He finds this in a man while starting to talk online. It’s a dark multilayered story that shows even in despair, there could be hope. It’s just done in a way in which I did not enjoy as the amount of sexual vulgarity seems to overtake the story.
I found the story kind of interesting but I hate all the abrasive sexual descriptions and talk so I knocked stars off for that.
February 11, 2025
WOW...this unsettling little book gets 5-Stars from me, if only for the sheer impact it's going to have on my sleep - and possibly my sanity- moving forward!
This novel touches on themes of grief, trauma and search for meaning. The story follows Ashley Lutin, a man who is struggling with the loss of his wife Pema, due to cancer, and the disappearance of his eight-year-old son, Bailey, one year earlier. In his own demented way of coping, Ashley creates a ritual aimed at helping individuals who are conflicted between a desire to end their lives but also yearning to find a better path forward. The ritual involves a simulated death experience that aims to change their way of thinking, and that's all I'll say about that.
When Ashley encounters his most recent prospective client named Jinx, they develop a strange relationship online in which Jinx shares disturbing stories so dark and triggering that I'm still attempting to digest them! When they finally meet for the ritual truths are unearthed Ashley never expected, and all hell breaks loose, leaving readers reeling!
This is an intensely raw and emotional novella that pushes the boundaries of grief, trauma and human desperation. This was a hauntingly beautiful, yet deeply unsettling experience, making it a must-read for those who can stomach the extreme themes within and handle a narrative unafraid to explore the darkest corners of the human psyche. If you're willing to confront every imaginable trigger, this book will leave an unforgettable mark!
This novel touches on themes of grief, trauma and search for meaning. The story follows Ashley Lutin, a man who is struggling with the loss of his wife Pema, due to cancer, and the disappearance of his eight-year-old son, Bailey, one year earlier. In his own demented way of coping, Ashley creates a ritual aimed at helping individuals who are conflicted between a desire to end their lives but also yearning to find a better path forward. The ritual involves a simulated death experience that aims to change their way of thinking, and that's all I'll say about that.
When Ashley encounters his most recent prospective client named Jinx, they develop a strange relationship online in which Jinx shares disturbing stories so dark and triggering that I'm still attempting to digest them! When they finally meet for the ritual truths are unearthed Ashley never expected, and all hell breaks loose, leaving readers reeling!
This is an intensely raw and emotional novella that pushes the boundaries of grief, trauma and human desperation. This was a hauntingly beautiful, yet deeply unsettling experience, making it a must-read for those who can stomach the extreme themes within and handle a narrative unafraid to explore the darkest corners of the human psyche. If you're willing to confront every imaginable trigger, this book will leave an unforgettable mark!
January 26, 2025
I have never read anything by Erica LaRocca, but his newest book, AT DARK, I BECOME LOATHSOME, has been on my radar recently. The cover was creepy AF and the synopsis sounded great, so I decided to listen to the audiobook via @librofm and I’m so glad that I did!
Ashley Lutin, haunted by the loss of his wife and son, has built a ritual to help those caught between the desire to die and the hope for a better life. When he meets Jinx, a man with a disturbing past, their connection unleashes a spiral of dark revelations, forcing them to confront pain, secrets, and the possibility of redemption.
This book has ALLLLLL the trigger warnings, just FYI. It’s the most F’d up book I’ve read/listened to since Brother by Ania Ahlborn. That being said, I was absolutely captivated. This book is utterly tragic and immersive. This book touches on grief, homosexuality, religion, and the darkest parts of peoples’ souls. The book is technically a novella, but it reads like a fully vetted horror novel. I would love to see this book developed further in tv or film! I am now a complete fan of this author’s works and will read whatever he comes out with next. Expect AT DARK, I BECOME LOATHSOME to be in my top reads of 2025!
Ashley Lutin, haunted by the loss of his wife and son, has built a ritual to help those caught between the desire to die and the hope for a better life. When he meets Jinx, a man with a disturbing past, their connection unleashes a spiral of dark revelations, forcing them to confront pain, secrets, and the possibility of redemption.
This book has ALLLLLL the trigger warnings, just FYI. It’s the most F’d up book I’ve read/listened to since Brother by Ania Ahlborn. That being said, I was absolutely captivated. This book is utterly tragic and immersive. This book touches on grief, homosexuality, religion, and the darkest parts of peoples’ souls. The book is technically a novella, but it reads like a fully vetted horror novel. I would love to see this book developed further in tv or film! I am now a complete fan of this author’s works and will read whatever he comes out with next. Expect AT DARK, I BECOME LOATHSOME to be in my top reads of 2025!
January 21, 2025
3.5
I could have done without the animal abuse
I could have done without the animal abuse
April 25, 2025
An advanced copy was provided for an honest review.
Did not finish at 52%. This book tries to be edgy while just generally coming off as a bit stupid. I have no idea what the stakes are or what the central conflict is? Why should I even care what happens to any of these people?
The main character and the plot are ridiculously unconvincing. So much of what is written feels unrealistic, and the author makes no attempt to justify the reality of the absurd parts of the story.
I've made it more than halfway through and have reaped no rewards for my efforts. Eric Larocca has written much better in the past; this was just awful. I've read and enjoyed a number of books with disturbing elements. This one just seemed over the top to me, and that is saying something; I read Jack Ketchum's "The Girl Next Door" and rated that book highly.
I don't mind things being depraved *for a reason*. This novel has no reason at all for the level of sickening elements it throws into the story. They seem to have only been added for no other reason than to disgust the reader. At some points, the gross elements are digressions away from the main storyline and contribute nothing to the plot.
Best approach to this book: keep walking and don't make direct eye contact.
Did not finish at 52%. This book tries to be edgy while just generally coming off as a bit stupid. I have no idea what the stakes are or what the central conflict is? Why should I even care what happens to any of these people?
The main character and the plot are ridiculously unconvincing. So much of what is written feels unrealistic, and the author makes no attempt to justify the reality of the absurd parts of the story.
I've made it more than halfway through and have reaped no rewards for my efforts. Eric Larocca has written much better in the past; this was just awful. I've read and enjoyed a number of books with disturbing elements. This one just seemed over the top to me, and that is saying something; I read Jack Ketchum's "The Girl Next Door" and rated that book highly.
I don't mind things being depraved *for a reason*. This novel has no reason at all for the level of sickening elements it throws into the story. They seem to have only been added for no other reason than to disgust the reader. At some points, the gross elements are digressions away from the main storyline and contribute nothing to the plot.
Best approach to this book: keep walking and don't make direct eye contact.
February 7, 2025
Huh. The book blurb just kind of skipped right over the whole homoerotic torture porn aspect. It's beautifully written homoerotic torture porn, but it's still homoerotic torture porn. Not at all what I was expecting when I picked up this book.
On a bright note, the writing was really great. Even though I didn't like the book or the plot, I was completely pulled in by the writing style. It was like getting sucked into a literary undertow that made it nearly impossible to put the book down and probably the only reason I finished it.
The main story breaks away a couple of times to tell two separate short stories that are completely unrelated to the main story.They're just shoehorned in for no particular reason. I'm not sure if these were intended as part of the original book, or were just a couple short stories that the author had lying around and decided to use. Maybe his early readers decided all the book really needed some torture porn to make it great.
This book wasn't at all my cup of tea, but I was still impressed by the author.
On a bright note, the writing was really great. Even though I didn't like the book or the plot, I was completely pulled in by the writing style. It was like getting sucked into a literary undertow that made it nearly impossible to put the book down and probably the only reason I finished it.
The main story breaks away a couple of times to tell two separate short stories that are completely unrelated to the main story.They're just shoehorned in for no particular reason. I'm not sure if these were intended as part of the original book, or were just a couple short stories that the author had lying around and decided to use. Maybe his early readers decided all the book really needed some torture porn to make it great.
This book wasn't at all my cup of tea, but I was still impressed by the author.
April 26, 2025
Undoubtedly one of the worst books I've read in years. Usually I would DNF something that was so outrageously awful, but it was a relatively short book, and considering all the hype surrounding the author, I held out some hope that it would improve. That was a foolish hope though. I should have known from the writing itself that it would not get better for me. Full of ridiculously purple prose, an unending barrage of tacky similes and metaphors, a grating narrator, characters for whom I couldn't possibly care, and a protagonist who says the title of the book conservatively, 1000 times, this was not redeemable for me on any level. There were moments where I thought about torturing the author by making him listen to a recording of someone saying his book title to him repeatedly for days on end. I haven't gotten to the tone of the writing yet, which I would describe as "13 year old try hard emo edgelord" There, a new genre for those tired of extreme horror. I have another book by this author on my shelf, and I'm trying to picture a world in which I would subject myself to another one of his works, and I think I just don't hate myself that much. For those that gave this 5 stars, what are you on, and where can I get some?
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