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Shit my History Teacher DID NOT tell me!
If you’re a history or philosophy buff this book should be as irresistible as a kebab to a pisshead
So what’s it all about then? History, that’s what. “Errgghhh boring boring bollocks boring, I had enough of that crap when I was at school. History just went on and on and on and on and on ….. and on and on. Nothing different ever happened.”
Well that’s where you’re wrong, because I’m going to bring it alive. Not all history books, or even books about teaching history, have to be tedious. I’ve looked under every rock, in every nook and cranny. I’ve searched all over the place and dug up some really interesting little titbits. Stuff not a lot of people know.
So stay with me on this one. I’ve chosen to look at past events from the birth of the planet to the birth of Christ. That’s enough for one book, isn’t it? Well, not really, because I’ve gone off track a little bit from time to time, but I do tend to do that so don’t worry about it.
If you’ve got a teenager who’s studying the history of this period, download a copy for them now because it’s all laid out nice and clear. But let me warn you, I have in the past been accused of having an inappropriate sense of humour, so if you want a little bit of a chuckle watching me make fun out of everyone I meet down the years, then this is the book for you - and if your offspring is in their early teens then it probably isn’t the book for them.
As I say, I do tend to stray into the modern day from time to time to bring things into focus, but I promise you this book will surprise you, inform you, keep you interested and put a smile on your face from time to time.
I discuss philosophers and philosophy a lot, including ancient Greek philosophers, Chinese beliefs and philosophy from around the world, but if you think it’s all Socrates, Plato and Aristotle, there’s a lot more here to be discovered. You’ll be surprised, for instance, at the similarities between the Celts and the Native Americans. The Rosicrucians will fascinate you, as will some of the secrets held by Alexander the Great!
It’s high time we had some history books for adults!
So what’s it all about then? History, that’s what. “Errgghhh boring boring bollocks boring, I had enough of that crap when I was at school. History just went on and on and on and on and on ….. and on and on. Nothing different ever happened.”
Well that’s where you’re wrong, because I’m going to bring it alive. Not all history books, or even books about teaching history, have to be tedious. I’ve looked under every rock, in every nook and cranny. I’ve searched all over the place and dug up some really interesting little titbits. Stuff not a lot of people know.
So stay with me on this one. I’ve chosen to look at past events from the birth of the planet to the birth of Christ. That’s enough for one book, isn’t it? Well, not really, because I’ve gone off track a little bit from time to time, but I do tend to do that so don’t worry about it.
If you’ve got a teenager who’s studying the history of this period, download a copy for them now because it’s all laid out nice and clear. But let me warn you, I have in the past been accused of having an inappropriate sense of humour, so if you want a little bit of a chuckle watching me make fun out of everyone I meet down the years, then this is the book for you - and if your offspring is in their early teens then it probably isn’t the book for them.
As I say, I do tend to stray into the modern day from time to time to bring things into focus, but I promise you this book will surprise you, inform you, keep you interested and put a smile on your face from time to time.
I discuss philosophers and philosophy a lot, including ancient Greek philosophers, Chinese beliefs and philosophy from around the world, but if you think it’s all Socrates, Plato and Aristotle, there’s a lot more here to be discovered. You’ll be surprised, for instance, at the similarities between the Celts and the Native Americans. The Rosicrucians will fascinate you, as will some of the secrets held by Alexander the Great!
It’s high time we had some history books for adults!
227 pages, ebook
First published January 7, 2014
18 people are currently reading
4244 people want to read
About the author
Karl Wiggins
25 books323 followersKarl Wiggins – Author, humourist, raconteur and (unfortunately) master of dysphemism
I'm an author with seven books on Amazon Kindle, and I'll state right from the start that I have a particular aversion to fellow authors who befriend you and then immediately message you saying, "You might like my book ..... check it out."
I don't do that. If people wish to know more about my books the information is here to read, but I won't invade your personal space (not to mention precious time) with pleas to check out my own books
My goal, my life’s ambition if you like, is to give direction to comedy, purpose to satire. And this is probably why I write the way I do, in order to use self-deprecating, piss-taking humour to bring to the fore situations that just don’t stack up. To demonstrate that serious issues can be approached with humour.
Embarrassingly, a number of the reviews for my books seem to involve people losing control of their bladder; “Anyone who is a bit saucy, very fond of boobies and doesn't mind peeing slightly when they laugh too hard, this is the book for you!” “Best not to read this book on the train if you have a full bladder because by the end of your journey you will have a damp patch in an embarrassing place.” “I have to admit that I wet myself twice while reading it but this may in part have been due to my age and a couple of bottles of a fine St. Emilion,” “Due to the laughter you owe my secretary one clean pair of knickers.”
Two reviewers have even suggested I should tour as a stand-up comedian; “I found myself laughing out-loud and even sharing segments with my spouse ….. I think Karl could tour as a stand-up comedian,” “Mr Wiggins has views on life that are expressed in a manner worthy of any stand-up comedian.”
So my scribblings do seem to raise a smile and a chuckle, and either way you look at it, that has to be a good thing. Hardly any subject is taboo to the Englishman when he’s laughing, and this often seems insensitive to other cultures, but the bedrock of the British sense of humour is a strong sense of sarcasm and self-deprecation. The British can be very passionate – and if you doubt that try going to a football match - but that passion is hidden deep in our humour so that other nationals often fail to recognise the deadpan delivery and are never quite sure if they’ve been involved in a serious conversation or just a little bit of friendly banter.
Having said that my style of writing is now appealing more and more to the American market, and I write a regular column for a newsletter in Copiague, Long Island, New York. I’m really enjoying connecting with the people over there.
Interestingly enough, my writing style has been compared to two people, both now dead, Charles Bukowski and Socrates. Their names keep popping up in reviews; “Mr Bukowski, meet Socrates. This is an exceptionally amusing collection of observations of daily life,” “The prose style reminded me quite a lot of Charles Bukowski’s short essays and observations,” “It reminded me a lot of Bukowski’s novels, but particularly Factotum and Post Office,” “Had me laughing out loud several times, which doesn’t happen often to me. It reminded me a lot of Bukowski’s novels,” (I swear those are two completely separate reviewers), “Karl Wiggins is like a contemporary Socrates.”
I’m sure both Socrates and Charles Bukowski would turn in their graves. But then again, maybe not.
My books;
'You Really are full of Shit, Aren't You?' is my latest and possible my favourite. It's an agony uncle / advice columnist style book, but unlike most agony aunts I cut them no slack.
I'll be the first to admit that 'Dogshit Saved my Life' and 'Calico Jack in your Garden' are not to everyone's taste, but the reviews are good, so I seem to be hitting the right note.
'Shit my History Teacher DID NOT tell me' kind of speaks for itself I guess, as does 'Grit - The Banter & Brutality of the Late-Night Cab Driver.' I drove cab in b
I'm an author with seven books on Amazon Kindle, and I'll state right from the start that I have a particular aversion to fellow authors who befriend you and then immediately message you saying, "You might like my book ..... check it out."
I don't do that. If people wish to know more about my books the information is here to read, but I won't invade your personal space (not to mention precious time) with pleas to check out my own books
My goal, my life’s ambition if you like, is to give direction to comedy, purpose to satire. And this is probably why I write the way I do, in order to use self-deprecating, piss-taking humour to bring to the fore situations that just don’t stack up. To demonstrate that serious issues can be approached with humour.
Embarrassingly, a number of the reviews for my books seem to involve people losing control of their bladder; “Anyone who is a bit saucy, very fond of boobies and doesn't mind peeing slightly when they laugh too hard, this is the book for you!” “Best not to read this book on the train if you have a full bladder because by the end of your journey you will have a damp patch in an embarrassing place.” “I have to admit that I wet myself twice while reading it but this may in part have been due to my age and a couple of bottles of a fine St. Emilion,” “Due to the laughter you owe my secretary one clean pair of knickers.”
Two reviewers have even suggested I should tour as a stand-up comedian; “I found myself laughing out-loud and even sharing segments with my spouse ….. I think Karl could tour as a stand-up comedian,” “Mr Wiggins has views on life that are expressed in a manner worthy of any stand-up comedian.”
So my scribblings do seem to raise a smile and a chuckle, and either way you look at it, that has to be a good thing. Hardly any subject is taboo to the Englishman when he’s laughing, and this often seems insensitive to other cultures, but the bedrock of the British sense of humour is a strong sense of sarcasm and self-deprecation. The British can be very passionate – and if you doubt that try going to a football match - but that passion is hidden deep in our humour so that other nationals often fail to recognise the deadpan delivery and are never quite sure if they’ve been involved in a serious conversation or just a little bit of friendly banter.
Having said that my style of writing is now appealing more and more to the American market, and I write a regular column for a newsletter in Copiague, Long Island, New York. I’m really enjoying connecting with the people over there.
Interestingly enough, my writing style has been compared to two people, both now dead, Charles Bukowski and Socrates. Their names keep popping up in reviews; “Mr Bukowski, meet Socrates. This is an exceptionally amusing collection of observations of daily life,” “The prose style reminded me quite a lot of Charles Bukowski’s short essays and observations,” “It reminded me a lot of Bukowski’s novels, but particularly Factotum and Post Office,” “Had me laughing out loud several times, which doesn’t happen often to me. It reminded me a lot of Bukowski’s novels,” (I swear those are two completely separate reviewers), “Karl Wiggins is like a contemporary Socrates.”
I’m sure both Socrates and Charles Bukowski would turn in their graves. But then again, maybe not.
My books;
'You Really are full of Shit, Aren't You?' is my latest and possible my favourite. It's an agony uncle / advice columnist style book, but unlike most agony aunts I cut them no slack.
I'll be the first to admit that 'Dogshit Saved my Life' and 'Calico Jack in your Garden' are not to everyone's taste, but the reviews are good, so I seem to be hitting the right note.
'Shit my History Teacher DID NOT tell me' kind of speaks for itself I guess, as does 'Grit - The Banter & Brutality of the Late-Night Cab Driver.' I drove cab in b
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Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
August 11, 2016
So this take on various historical tidbits was quite extraordinary, shedding a new light on many famous, and less famous, events that we were ran through by the educational program, usually yawning so badly our jaws' muscles would hurt (and this comes from a declared history buff these days). Well, no one would yawn reading Karl Wiggins' history. What would more likely to hurt through this reading would be your stomach' muscles - too much laughing can do that.
I can attest that I enjoyed every word of this book, every single one of them (even if there were small parts I did not agree with, those who came dangerously close to the areas of my expertise ;-)).
I would recommend this book to everyone who wants to learn while having a good time. I would put this book into the high-school program as well. More chances of our kids coming out educated
I can attest that I enjoyed every word of this book, every single one of them (even if there were small parts I did not agree with, those who came dangerously close to the areas of my expertise ;-)).
I would recommend this book to everyone who wants to learn while having a good time. I would put this book into the high-school program as well. More chances of our kids coming out educated
February 8, 2015
This is an absolutely brilliant read that only Karl Wiggins could have written! Karl, irrepressible, irreverent, more than a little bonkers – and I love him to bits. You won’t learn an awful lot of conventional history from Shit My History Teacher Did Not Tell Me, but you will learn that just as the paradigms are important, those big events that take us another step forward to where we are today, there are events on that long, slow journey, that bring us to the point of being fully rounded, three dimensional sentient beings. There are a myriad of tales within Karl’s book and Karl is a formidable story teller.
Ahh, history. Karl’s school must have had the same ethos for teaching history as mine. I think our history lessons began at around 9 years old and were utterly dull and boring. Goodness knows what it must have been like for the teacher aiming to impart some sort of knowledge to us…as an adult I can now see that poor Miss Worsley must have been as bored as her pupils.
Just as Karl kept a surreptitious eye on Miss Kingsley’s boobs, Miss Worsley’s boobs must have been a constant embarrassment to her. Miss Worsley was a staunch Methodist and she dressed appropriately. A below the knee brown skirt. Brown lace up shoes with thick natural coloured stockings and a baggy green, or beige, jumper. We were all fascinated by Miss Worsley’s boobs, which were huge and completely dominated her appearance. Her boobs were out of control. Sometimes, they were tightly harnessed, inside what must have been a painful, tightly boned brassiere. At other times they swung loose, voluptuous, moving with each inhale and each exhale beneath her wooly jumper. Her attempts to get control over her boobs was a dismal failure. Far more attention was paid to Miss Worsley’s boobs than anything that uttered forth from her mouth.
History was just as dull in Mr Fletcher’s class and followed pretty much the same time frame as it had in Miss Worsley’s class. The Ice Age, The Stone Age, The Bronze Age, The Iron age…I should be an expert in those periods, but I’m not. History lessons were for daydreaming away the interminable boredom. By the time we reached Mr Philpott’s class, we’d given up all hope of history being interesting, it didn’t occur to us that it could be entertaining. And we were right, it was neither engaging nor entertaining, it was dry and boring; although Mr Philpott did get beyond the Iron Age. He skimmed over 4 centuries of Roman occupation in Britain, missed out the decades of the Saxons and just about made it through to the Norman Conquest of 1066 when poor King Harold got his eye pierced by an invader’s arrow, before school finished for the summer.
But, hang on, I’m meant to be talking about Karl’s book; I’m just saying that my history education was as dull as Karl’s and countless others. I know that they do things differently in schools now – thank goodness. For a while I gave my neighbour’s kid some help with his homework and he had a project about how the Romans made the roads so straight. Now that was really interesting. That would have got me intrigued with history at school.
And because I keep getting sidetracked, I’ll return to my opening sentence; Karl’s book is an absolutely brilliant read! Karl is not obsessed with chronology; that is not the way history works for him. Karl is interested in the stuff that we don’t always think too much about. And he does it so well; where our ideas come from? The ideas that prompt us into thinking about morality; who gave us our ideas of what is right and what is wrong? What was going on in other parts of the world, while we in Britain hadn’t yet discovered fire? Countries in what we now think of as the Middle East, had written language, astronomy, geometry and mathematics while we were still pondering the wheel. And running through Karl’s book is his infectious, irrepressible humour. He’s a wonderful satirist and more than anything, he loves to prick the bubble of pomposity. His humour is affectionate and engaging; laughter is a powerful tool and should be used more in education. Kids are a darn sight more likely to focus an interest in a subject if they can have a good laugh – and that goes for all of us. Kids will love Karl’s book and so will adults. You’re not going to learn a lot about the Industrial Revolution, or the Peasant’s Revolt; but you will see the progress and process of history in all its vibrant, vivid colour. It’s a great story and it’s our story.
Ahh, history. Karl’s school must have had the same ethos for teaching history as mine. I think our history lessons began at around 9 years old and were utterly dull and boring. Goodness knows what it must have been like for the teacher aiming to impart some sort of knowledge to us…as an adult I can now see that poor Miss Worsley must have been as bored as her pupils.
Just as Karl kept a surreptitious eye on Miss Kingsley’s boobs, Miss Worsley’s boobs must have been a constant embarrassment to her. Miss Worsley was a staunch Methodist and she dressed appropriately. A below the knee brown skirt. Brown lace up shoes with thick natural coloured stockings and a baggy green, or beige, jumper. We were all fascinated by Miss Worsley’s boobs, which were huge and completely dominated her appearance. Her boobs were out of control. Sometimes, they were tightly harnessed, inside what must have been a painful, tightly boned brassiere. At other times they swung loose, voluptuous, moving with each inhale and each exhale beneath her wooly jumper. Her attempts to get control over her boobs was a dismal failure. Far more attention was paid to Miss Worsley’s boobs than anything that uttered forth from her mouth.
History was just as dull in Mr Fletcher’s class and followed pretty much the same time frame as it had in Miss Worsley’s class. The Ice Age, The Stone Age, The Bronze Age, The Iron age…I should be an expert in those periods, but I’m not. History lessons were for daydreaming away the interminable boredom. By the time we reached Mr Philpott’s class, we’d given up all hope of history being interesting, it didn’t occur to us that it could be entertaining. And we were right, it was neither engaging nor entertaining, it was dry and boring; although Mr Philpott did get beyond the Iron Age. He skimmed over 4 centuries of Roman occupation in Britain, missed out the decades of the Saxons and just about made it through to the Norman Conquest of 1066 when poor King Harold got his eye pierced by an invader’s arrow, before school finished for the summer.
But, hang on, I’m meant to be talking about Karl’s book; I’m just saying that my history education was as dull as Karl’s and countless others. I know that they do things differently in schools now – thank goodness. For a while I gave my neighbour’s kid some help with his homework and he had a project about how the Romans made the roads so straight. Now that was really interesting. That would have got me intrigued with history at school.
And because I keep getting sidetracked, I’ll return to my opening sentence; Karl’s book is an absolutely brilliant read! Karl is not obsessed with chronology; that is not the way history works for him. Karl is interested in the stuff that we don’t always think too much about. And he does it so well; where our ideas come from? The ideas that prompt us into thinking about morality; who gave us our ideas of what is right and what is wrong? What was going on in other parts of the world, while we in Britain hadn’t yet discovered fire? Countries in what we now think of as the Middle East, had written language, astronomy, geometry and mathematics while we were still pondering the wheel. And running through Karl’s book is his infectious, irrepressible humour. He’s a wonderful satirist and more than anything, he loves to prick the bubble of pomposity. His humour is affectionate and engaging; laughter is a powerful tool and should be used more in education. Kids are a darn sight more likely to focus an interest in a subject if they can have a good laugh – and that goes for all of us. Kids will love Karl’s book and so will adults. You’re not going to learn a lot about the Industrial Revolution, or the Peasant’s Revolt; but you will see the progress and process of history in all its vibrant, vivid colour. It’s a great story and it’s our story.
January 31, 2015
Mr. Wiggins has done it again. This book is an eclectic group of facts most of us learned in school, but Wiggins has taken it a step further and provided details left out of our education. Along with those details he has inserted his opinion and his sharp wit, making me laugh out loud on many occasions . Karl Wiggins is brilliant. Loved the book!
Carole McKee, author
Carole McKee, author
October 23, 2017
Don't waste your money. If you are a junior high boy maybe you would like this. Lots of vulgarity and references to teachers with big boobs. Not much history.
January 14, 2020
Absolute garbage, with some spicy Native American racism thrown in there. Badly written, terrible humor...don't waste your time.
June 1, 2019
I’m sorry this book is terrible I try too avoid placing books on my can not finish self I mean you got to earn that placing this is something that earns that rating here is the passage that caused me to toss in the towel
across a website called Cute Dead Guys!!! Anyway, there’s this geezer there called Meatpie (probably not his real name) who writes, “Since I've already been to the morgue and seen it all I will now tell you what turns me on the most ….. I receive a young cute guy with sneakers and black socks. He is cute in the face, lean and hairy with big cock and nice balls. I have to remove his black socks which of course smell. Then toe-tag him. He is absolutely relaxed and staring into the ceiling (well, of course he’s relaxed, you prat, he’s fucking dead!). He is young cute and handsome and I have to take him to that dingy smelly morgue, with the rotters ….. I will also hold his toes and will check his cock and wash it. I will also wash his anus.
Thank god m history teacher didn’t teach me this!
Two stars and that’s me being kind.
across a website called Cute Dead Guys!!! Anyway, there’s this geezer there called Meatpie (probably not his real name) who writes, “Since I've already been to the morgue and seen it all I will now tell you what turns me on the most ….. I receive a young cute guy with sneakers and black socks. He is cute in the face, lean and hairy with big cock and nice balls. I have to remove his black socks which of course smell. Then toe-tag him. He is absolutely relaxed and staring into the ceiling (well, of course he’s relaxed, you prat, he’s fucking dead!). He is young cute and handsome and I have to take him to that dingy smelly morgue, with the rotters ….. I will also hold his toes and will check his cock and wash it. I will also wash his anus.
Thank god m history teacher didn’t teach me this!
Two stars and that’s me being kind.
December 16, 2022
This book is more than just sassy. I've got a fascination with real un-edited history. Digging into book with a modern sense of humor and profanity. Going back to some of the geniuses, leaders, and warriors with the benefit of being aware of what came next and acknowledging the egos and true motivations. One more Obama snipe may have cost a star, but the author fought the urge and really dug into the edited history we have been fed in school.
May 26, 2018
Wiggins provides an interesting look at the early history of the world, focusing on philosophy and religion. I enjoyed reading this funny (though at times a little crude) and thought-provoking book.
March 13, 2017
I CANTONT READ IT IT WONT LET ME
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
March 28, 2017
Some of the stuff early on was really interesting but the 2nd half of the book was dedicated mostly to philosophers which was pretty dry and I already knew about.
Read
July 4, 2018an insightful, beyond-the-ordinary book👍
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews