Janet, My Mother and Me: A Memoir of Growing Up with Janet Flanner and Natalia Danesi Murray

by William Murray

"Janet, My Mother, and Me" is a charming, captivating memoir about a boy growing up in a household of two extraordinary women. William Murray was devoted to his mother, Natalia Danesi Murray, and to his mother's longtime lover, writer Janet Flanner. Even as a teenager, he accepted their unconventional relationship. His portrait of the two most important people in his life is unforgettable. Janet Flanner was already celebrated as the author of a new style of personal journalism for her "Letter from Paris" in "The New Yorker" when she met the Italian-born Natalia Murray on Fire Island, New York, in 1940. Their encounter, writes William Murray, was a ""coup de foudre," a thunderbolt that instantly sent them rushing into each other's arms and forever altered their lives, as well as mine."

Murray was already growing up in two cultures on different continents, in New York and Rome, when his mother's life changed so dramatically. He quickly accepted Flanner and the unusual household in which he found himself. (Natalia's mother, Mammina Ester, also lived with them in New York.) His memories of the women and of his own boyhood and adolescence are touching and often hilarious.

"Janet, My Mother, and Me" offers a look at the world in which gay professional women moved in the decades before such relationships became more open and accepted. Murray's mother was a publishing executive and a broadcaster, and Murray, who originally hoped to become an opera singer and trained for that profession, eventually moved into the professions of both his mother and Flanner, becoming a novelist and then for many years an editor and writer at "The New Yorker."

This is an exuberant, warm, andoften poignant memoir with a memorable cast of characters. Beguiling and unusual, it will remain vivid in readers' minds for years to come.

Genres: Memoir, LGBT, Nonfiction, Biography, Biography Memoir

320 pages, Hardcover

First published February 17, 2000

About the author

William Murray was an American fiction editor and staff writer at The New Yorker for more than thirty years. He wrote a series of mystery novels set in the world of horse racing, many featuring Shifty Lou Anderson, a professional magician and horseplayer. Among his many contributions to The New Yorker was the magazine's "Letters from Italy" of which he was the sole author. The majority of his later years were spent living in Del Mar, California, "exactly 3.2 miles from the finish line" of Del Mar Thoroughbred Club. Murray died in March 2005 at age 78. Just prior to his death, Murray had completed a book about Chicago's Lyric Opera Center for American Artists.

Reviews

[Debbie Zapata]

Apr 5, 9am ~~ Review asap.

1045am ~~ This is a touching memoir of an unusual (for the era) family situation. Murray was raised by his mother Natalia, her mother Ester, and Natalia's loving friend Janet. He spent his earliest years in Italy with no real memories of his father, who lived in New York. He spent a lot of time in boarding schools and summer camps, and had a sometimes explosive but loving relationship with his mum.

But he also understood about Natalia's life choices. He seemed to be a very open-minded young man from the beginning, and I was impressed with his non-judgmental approach. He admits that he was mostly concerned with his own sphere in his younger days, but that he was not as unknowing as people might have thought at the time. He was an example of understanding and tolerance that many people today could learn from.

"I had never envisioned them actually making love, but I knew they wanted to be together, that Janet had joined the family. That was all that mattered to me."

It was a little dizzying trying to keep up with the travels everyone made here. Janet was based in France for her job with The New Yorker magazine, Natalia was in New York and Rome. But they maintained their relationship until Janet's death in 1978.

Woven into the story of their love is the story of Murray's development in life. He spent some awkward time with his father now and then, wanted to be an opera singer, lived in Rome, lived in New York, got a job writing for Time magazine, visited race tracks and finally got a job at The New Yorker where he spent many years as a contributor. I first 'met' him in a book he wrote about horse racing and was intrigued enough to order two others, this one and Fortissimo, which I read a couple of weeks ago. He has also written mystery novels, but that is not my genre so this will be my last Murray book, most likely.

He was open and yet tender with his memories and the material he obtained from the boxes of letters that Natalia said were only to be opened after her death. The dedication of this book is for Murray's three children, "who wanted to know". I think it was a lovely gift to share with them and with all of us.

[Stephy]

This memoir is a treasure and a delight to read.
What an amazing life William Murray had! He grew up in Rome New York and Fire Island in the homes of his Mother Natalia Danesi Murray, (a publishing executive and later, broadcaster) his live-in Maternal Grandmother, "Mammina Ester" (herself a formidable writer and founder of La Donna, an Italian magazine of "Women, Arts, and Culture.") and his mother's lovers. Among the most amazing of these women was Janet Flanner, the writer who for many years wrote The New Yorker Magazine's "Letter From Paris" column. Flanner was instrumental in shaping the style of The New Yorker. This is a loving, joyous book.

Murray himself followed in their footsteps by becoming a novelist, and later a writer and editor for The New Yorker.

[Mily]

I loved this book!
It was a great two for one interest!
Learning about an interesting lesbian relationship in the 40' and 50's
PLUS
Learning about a wonderful writer for the New Yorker and some of the NY'er dynamics!

[Sharon]

I expected more from this book. The sub title is "A Menoir of Growing up With Janet Flanner and Natalia Danesi Murray. In truth William Murray did not grow up with Janet Flanner. He was already 14 when she came into his mother's life and even during their relationship which lasted until Janet's death, she was frequently absent. I had hoped for an interesting story about a boy growing up with two mothers when gay relationships were not at all acceptable. Instead the story revolves in large part around the struggles the two women, and later William Murray himself, engaged in as they tried to earn their livings through writing. I did find a lot of the details about working for The New Yorker to be of interest, but over-all the book seemed to be about financial worries and even in that realm I could not be sympathetic as Natalia, at one point owned an apartment in New York and a house on Fire Island as she spent a large amount of her time living in Rome. Jannet Flanner lived in hotels where all her needs were catered to by the staff- not what I call financial difficulty.

[Hannah]

Not very interesting overall. Writing was dull and made the author seem dull. Was hoping for much more about Janet and Natalia, but they were overwhelmed by the amount that revolved around "Me." There might be some letter excerpts unique to this book not published elsewhere.

[Ally McCulloch]

So far I think this is the wrong place to start with Janet Flanner. It opens with sadness over her death. Since she hasn't been introduced to us quite yet, I'm finding it hard to be sad when I don't even know who she was. I will probably start with one of her journals instead of reading an outside perspective. I thought that would be great, but it isn't working.

Then I started on Ernest Hemingway's Immovable Feast. And he's already mentioned her and she sounds like a delightful person.

[Tina]

Very interesting insight into a relationship of two creative women and their son. I especially like the long passages reprinted from the letters between the two partners. Their story and personal struggles stroke a chord with me.

[Rose]

Charming and with so many interesting worlds to cover: Janet Flanner, the New Yorker, Italian family stories. Very enjoyable.

[Ann Fathy]

I am a fan of Janet Flanner and found this book very interesting.

[hhhhhhhhh]

Sometimes touching sometimes tedious. Looking forward to reading Janet Flanner.