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Beyond Success and Failure: Ways to Self-Reliance and Maturity
In BEYOND SUCCESS & FAILURE, the Beechers do not offer any panaceas, nor do they provide you with elaborate programs & disciplines. But they do help you to find your own direction & your own abilities to handle any & all confronting problems. They show how you can find your own center of gravity inside yourself & begin to know the satisfaction that flows from using your own talents & living as a responsible adult. Their book is dedicated to Dr. Alfred Adler, founder of Individual Psychology, who was their teacher the last years of his life, during which time he gave them their first understanding of human behavior. The Beechers state that there are eight concepts which rule the lives of all adults. They encourage each to use to the awakening touch of self-reliance to shape its parts & aspects. Only those who are self-reliant emotionally & physically can function as adult human beings able to cooperate with other adults, because life demands that we be useful & productive, or as Adler said, to "be a help & not a burden."
256 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 28, 1976
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March 18, 2023
Children need to depend on the knowledge of authorities, such as parents and guardians and teachers, over the course of their development. In order to mature, however, they have to shed their attachments at appropriate stages in their lives.
Every individual has the potential to grow or decay. When people are at their healthiest, they are independent, competent, and compassionate. They can adapt to the circumstances around them, learn from their mistakes, and know when to let go of their worries. By following their “inner gleam,” (as Emerson put it) they can discover their meanings, values, and beliefs.
Yet when people compare themselves to others, they activate their “infantile acquisitiveness” (Beecher 24). They desire what they do not have rather than being happy with what they do have. They complain and blame, unsatisfied with their circumstances. They always want more, which is never enough to satisfy them. At the root of their mentalities, they feel a deep sense of hollowness and unfulfillment.
Those who allow others to lean on them lean back as well. They create a mutual “admiration society,” where they feel needed, or superior, when others are dependent on them, but not when those same individuals are capable of living for themselves (Beecher 25). While they may exploit others for their own personal gain, they still do not feel whole. Behind all their behavior, their “need to be needed” stems from childish dependency.
Those who seek outside themselves for validation, for a life direction, only degrade themselves.
Free individuals don’t need to lean on others for their personal worth. They don’t need anybody to lean on them either. To be free is to confront the present moment, dealing with things as they are. Rather than hoping for some idealized state that may never come, they play with what they can control, while not worrying too much about the conditions outside their control.
Dependent people do not listen to their inner voices. Influences from outside themselves, such as parents and friends and teachers and celebrities and news programs and political parties and gurus, are their first authorities. They value (but may come to resent) those external sources.
Conformists are subordinate to authorities outside themselves. Other people dictate how they should live.
Then there are the negative conformists. They are contrary, obstructing others, out of reaction. They resist what’s outside themselves (because it comes from the outside) and resent being told what to do.
While the free person can let go of their attachments, those who resist others, who rebel for the sake of rebellion, only cling harder to their own suffering.
When people are dependent, they passively move through life. Freedom, on the other hand, comes from engagement.
Free people make mistakes and grow from them, while finding opportunities in challenges. Rather than hiding from the truth, they grapple with it. They play with it. They find joy in the game:
Their transition from childhood to adult life is not a stormy series of defeats and struggles against outside authorities. It is a quiet growth in self-confidence in which they learn that there are few irremediable mistakes, and they regard a mistake as nothing more than a friendly invitation to keep trying — not a loss of love, approval and prestige, or as a humiliation to be avoided at any cost. (Beecher 33)
Dependent people live for external validation, not for inner truth. They react to the outside world, conditioned to obey or rebel. Because they are unsatisfied with their lives, and don’t know what they want, they follow the worn paths of others.
Conformists not only follow the same accepted routines at work and school. Most of their lives are chosen for them. They attend clubs, churches, and parties. They aimlessly scroll through the internet and watch the trendiest shows on television. Rather than listening to their values, they are blindly acting out their roles until they reach the undertaker. They try to be good or bad out of a desire for social rewards and attention.
Like puppies that want to be petted, they perform their owner’s favorite tricks.
People can’t rejoice in their inner resources, or form genuine relationships with others, until they free themselves from their childish attitudes. They not only have to leave behind their enslaved habits from childhood, but they must live in the here-and-now.
Mature people are free from the competitive mindset. Immature people are always trying to one-up each other, proving themselves out of insecurity.
Mature individuals don’t need to look outside themselves for a master. Those who are dependent, who compete with everyone over everything, endlessly struggle to maintain their dominance. They never want to appear weak or inferior or vulnerable. Free people can live and let live:
Like a good card player who does not care what cards are dealt him since his fun lies in the free play he improvises in the playing of each hand. Each game is its own reward and he seeks nothing outside of the unfolding of each hand as it is played into the hands of others. He enjoys the whole experience and all that his partners do as well. (Beecher 37)
Mature individuals are adaptable and spontaneous. They want to explore. They are curious about the mysteries of the universe. When work has to be done, they press on with quiet persistence, not complaining about their given state.
While dependent people have the need to please others, free people satisfy the needs of their own lives first. Their job is not to obey the desires of others.
Those who are subservient to the values of the group are afraid of productivity. They don’t want to work on themselves. Putting the group’s needs first leads them to unfulfillment, degrading their growth:
Aloneness is freedom-from-dependence! Loneliness, on the other hand, is the dependent child crying as it searches for the parent or baby sitter it has lost and cannot find. (Beecher 41)
It doesn’t matter if an individual prefers solitude or the company of others. Those who are free, who are living fully, find meaning in the present moment. They don’t feel the urge to compete, dominate, or prove their value to anyone else. Their goal is to learn and see what happens.
Mature people don’t rely on outside authorities to determine who they are or what they are worth. If they have to remain apart from the harmful aspects of other people, then they will accept that outcome.
Without any wishful thinking or self-judgment, they know how to honor their “inner gleam.”
In the true spirit of agape, mature people don’t need to take, condemn, and blame. There are no favorites that they have to choose between. They are not caught up in a vicious hierarchy of who is superior or inferior, based on who gives and gets the most:
The mature adult finds no need to beg. He is an explorer and a doer. He does not have to compete and aspire to be the favored one. Only the child or the infantile adult has to worry about his status in the eyes of those around him. (Beecher 97)
Most importantly, free individuals are doers. Their actions are consistent with their words. Alfred Adler once advised to watch only movement. To learn who people are, do not form expectations about them based on their beautiful words and promises, but rather, look at their deeds alone.
It is easy to blame and judge. To seek out a balance, to playfully adapt to changing circumstances, to let go of expectations, may seem challenging at times, but it is worthwhile.
When people are themselves, they don’t need to prove anything to anyone. They don’t have to compare.
But when they seek the attention of outside authorities, they become stuck on an eternal treadmill, chasing after what they can never catch.
Every individual has the potential to grow or decay. When people are at their healthiest, they are independent, competent, and compassionate. They can adapt to the circumstances around them, learn from their mistakes, and know when to let go of their worries. By following their “inner gleam,” (as Emerson put it) they can discover their meanings, values, and beliefs.
Yet when people compare themselves to others, they activate their “infantile acquisitiveness” (Beecher 24). They desire what they do not have rather than being happy with what they do have. They complain and blame, unsatisfied with their circumstances. They always want more, which is never enough to satisfy them. At the root of their mentalities, they feel a deep sense of hollowness and unfulfillment.
Those who allow others to lean on them lean back as well. They create a mutual “admiration society,” where they feel needed, or superior, when others are dependent on them, but not when those same individuals are capable of living for themselves (Beecher 25). While they may exploit others for their own personal gain, they still do not feel whole. Behind all their behavior, their “need to be needed” stems from childish dependency.
Those who seek outside themselves for validation, for a life direction, only degrade themselves.
Free individuals don’t need to lean on others for their personal worth. They don’t need anybody to lean on them either. To be free is to confront the present moment, dealing with things as they are. Rather than hoping for some idealized state that may never come, they play with what they can control, while not worrying too much about the conditions outside their control.
Dependent people do not listen to their inner voices. Influences from outside themselves, such as parents and friends and teachers and celebrities and news programs and political parties and gurus, are their first authorities. They value (but may come to resent) those external sources.
Conformists are subordinate to authorities outside themselves. Other people dictate how they should live.
Then there are the negative conformists. They are contrary, obstructing others, out of reaction. They resist what’s outside themselves (because it comes from the outside) and resent being told what to do.
While the free person can let go of their attachments, those who resist others, who rebel for the sake of rebellion, only cling harder to their own suffering.
When people are dependent, they passively move through life. Freedom, on the other hand, comes from engagement.
Free people make mistakes and grow from them, while finding opportunities in challenges. Rather than hiding from the truth, they grapple with it. They play with it. They find joy in the game:
Their transition from childhood to adult life is not a stormy series of defeats and struggles against outside authorities. It is a quiet growth in self-confidence in which they learn that there are few irremediable mistakes, and they regard a mistake as nothing more than a friendly invitation to keep trying — not a loss of love, approval and prestige, or as a humiliation to be avoided at any cost. (Beecher 33)
Dependent people live for external validation, not for inner truth. They react to the outside world, conditioned to obey or rebel. Because they are unsatisfied with their lives, and don’t know what they want, they follow the worn paths of others.
Conformists not only follow the same accepted routines at work and school. Most of their lives are chosen for them. They attend clubs, churches, and parties. They aimlessly scroll through the internet and watch the trendiest shows on television. Rather than listening to their values, they are blindly acting out their roles until they reach the undertaker. They try to be good or bad out of a desire for social rewards and attention.
Like puppies that want to be petted, they perform their owner’s favorite tricks.
People can’t rejoice in their inner resources, or form genuine relationships with others, until they free themselves from their childish attitudes. They not only have to leave behind their enslaved habits from childhood, but they must live in the here-and-now.
Mature people are free from the competitive mindset. Immature people are always trying to one-up each other, proving themselves out of insecurity.
Mature individuals don’t need to look outside themselves for a master. Those who are dependent, who compete with everyone over everything, endlessly struggle to maintain their dominance. They never want to appear weak or inferior or vulnerable. Free people can live and let live:
Like a good card player who does not care what cards are dealt him since his fun lies in the free play he improvises in the playing of each hand. Each game is its own reward and he seeks nothing outside of the unfolding of each hand as it is played into the hands of others. He enjoys the whole experience and all that his partners do as well. (Beecher 37)
Mature individuals are adaptable and spontaneous. They want to explore. They are curious about the mysteries of the universe. When work has to be done, they press on with quiet persistence, not complaining about their given state.
While dependent people have the need to please others, free people satisfy the needs of their own lives first. Their job is not to obey the desires of others.
Those who are subservient to the values of the group are afraid of productivity. They don’t want to work on themselves. Putting the group’s needs first leads them to unfulfillment, degrading their growth:
Aloneness is freedom-from-dependence! Loneliness, on the other hand, is the dependent child crying as it searches for the parent or baby sitter it has lost and cannot find. (Beecher 41)
It doesn’t matter if an individual prefers solitude or the company of others. Those who are free, who are living fully, find meaning in the present moment. They don’t feel the urge to compete, dominate, or prove their value to anyone else. Their goal is to learn and see what happens.
Mature people don’t rely on outside authorities to determine who they are or what they are worth. If they have to remain apart from the harmful aspects of other people, then they will accept that outcome.
Without any wishful thinking or self-judgment, they know how to honor their “inner gleam.”
In the true spirit of agape, mature people don’t need to take, condemn, and blame. There are no favorites that they have to choose between. They are not caught up in a vicious hierarchy of who is superior or inferior, based on who gives and gets the most:
The mature adult finds no need to beg. He is an explorer and a doer. He does not have to compete and aspire to be the favored one. Only the child or the infantile adult has to worry about his status in the eyes of those around him. (Beecher 97)
Most importantly, free individuals are doers. Their actions are consistent with their words. Alfred Adler once advised to watch only movement. To learn who people are, do not form expectations about them based on their beautiful words and promises, but rather, look at their deeds alone.
It is easy to blame and judge. To seek out a balance, to playfully adapt to changing circumstances, to let go of expectations, may seem challenging at times, but it is worthwhile.
When people are themselves, they don’t need to prove anything to anyone. They don’t have to compare.
But when they seek the attention of outside authorities, they become stuck on an eternal treadmill, chasing after what they can never catch.
October 6, 2020
This one was recommended to me by an old friend who didn’t read it but thought the research was interesting. That’s how i picked it up and finished in one sitting because this book was what I needed at the time. And i thought it was brilliant and it was helpful compared to other self-help books. Well we all go through the process where we beat ourselves up to be doing sth to improve ourselves and to catch up with the latest everything . And then comes the latest self-help book out of nowhere (this might not be true as they are everywhere) and you expect miraculously that your life will change. Well it won’t. And then you stop beating yourself up and stop doing stuff hastily and start being instead. I gave it a four star because this book is actually a very interesting result of a scientific research written in simple but at times vitriolic language about the human behavior. And sometimes we all need the rational intelligence in a certain amount as a reminder so that we can go back to our irrational intelligences with flying colors and it is four stars because of that :).
April 12, 2021
Decent book with a lot of applicable psychological principles. Unfortunately, it's expository writing style, albeit necessary, makes it easily forgettable.
How did I find myself reading the book?
I honestly don’t remember. I do remember that the authors were mentioned somewhere and I thought immediately that they were intriguing because they are a Psychologist couple.
What are the authors trying to teach?
Emotional Interdependence as the continual pursuit in all our interactions. This, at least, is my interpretation of the authors’ book.
They go about it in a matter of fact way, systematically taking us through a number of contexts in which we fail to demonstrate that quality and instead show our dependence and neediness.
Why do I think the author was driven to write the book?
The prevalence of dependence and neediness in today’s world was likely the driving factor. The book feels like their contribution to the world - an invitation to enter into an interdependent relationship with their audience, as they try to develop their own independence then interdependence.
What have I learned about the authors?
Well, not much. It’s a largely theoretical book, with very little given away about the authors. I can say that they seem to be very interested and passionate about independence and personal development. They might actually have a healthy loathing of dependence of any sort.
Why did I continue to read it?
I’m starting my Degree in Psychology this year and this book is one of many that I have consumed that helped give me an understanding of the root of certain human behavior.
The authors’ knowledge of the psychology of immaturity is almost tangible, aided by the simple way in which they presented it.
Of higher personal value to me was insight into a lot of my own behaviour before I started my own journey into personal development and emotional self-sufficiency. The delivery would’ve made for harder reading if I hadn’t already been desensitised by other authors - Jordan Peterson, Robert Glover - and their literary reality checks. But you have to start your own self-discovery and awareness journey somewhere and this book wouldn’t be a bad place to start from.
I wonder how 15 year old me - my peak emotional immaturity and dependence - would’ve reacted to the information. Would I have kept reading past the authors saying that my life revolves around my bad habits and the joy they give me? His calling me needy and selfish? The reality of it all? Would I have been patient and honest with myself enough to progressively get to the point where the authors make it clear that change is dependent on my own diligence and application? Would interdependence then become the goal of my interactions?
I don’t know.
I do know that I’m happy I got to answer those questions when I did. Happy that I read Adler, Peterson, Rogers, Gotlieb and Glover - people that asked me important questions.
I hope as many people get the opportunity to when they are confronted with them - inadvertently or intentionally.
What lessons stand out for my own life?
Competition, dependence and a lot of other self-defeating feelings and qualities are a result of poor interpretation of my past experiences. Predicated on the idea of the “Inner Child”, the projected childhood experiences of life as a second class citizen, dependent on others to get things done. Our childhood taught us to manipulate, be selfish, and be in constant competition with people around us for attention and validation; stunting, or delaying, the growth of our inner self-reliance and independence as a natural result.
The authors did a very good job of outlining the various ways in which dependence is expressed. Of interest was positive conformity, submission and obedience; and blind disobedience and how it manifests itself in addicts’ behaviours regardless of the consequences of their actions. I’d never thought of addiction as a subtle form of rebellion. I’ll obviously have to read more into it but this made for compelling reading.
I admittedly have to cut short this review from the established format because I am genuinely struggling to finish it. A cloud of boredom had enveloped me writing it. And so, I have stopped here and am publishing it.
How did I find myself reading the book?
I honestly don’t remember. I do remember that the authors were mentioned somewhere and I thought immediately that they were intriguing because they are a Psychologist couple.
What are the authors trying to teach?
Emotional Interdependence as the continual pursuit in all our interactions. This, at least, is my interpretation of the authors’ book.
They go about it in a matter of fact way, systematically taking us through a number of contexts in which we fail to demonstrate that quality and instead show our dependence and neediness.
Why do I think the author was driven to write the book?
The prevalence of dependence and neediness in today’s world was likely the driving factor. The book feels like their contribution to the world - an invitation to enter into an interdependent relationship with their audience, as they try to develop their own independence then interdependence.
What have I learned about the authors?
Well, not much. It’s a largely theoretical book, with very little given away about the authors. I can say that they seem to be very interested and passionate about independence and personal development. They might actually have a healthy loathing of dependence of any sort.
Why did I continue to read it?
I’m starting my Degree in Psychology this year and this book is one of many that I have consumed that helped give me an understanding of the root of certain human behavior.
The authors’ knowledge of the psychology of immaturity is almost tangible, aided by the simple way in which they presented it.
Of higher personal value to me was insight into a lot of my own behaviour before I started my own journey into personal development and emotional self-sufficiency. The delivery would’ve made for harder reading if I hadn’t already been desensitised by other authors - Jordan Peterson, Robert Glover - and their literary reality checks. But you have to start your own self-discovery and awareness journey somewhere and this book wouldn’t be a bad place to start from.
I wonder how 15 year old me - my peak emotional immaturity and dependence - would’ve reacted to the information. Would I have kept reading past the authors saying that my life revolves around my bad habits and the joy they give me? His calling me needy and selfish? The reality of it all? Would I have been patient and honest with myself enough to progressively get to the point where the authors make it clear that change is dependent on my own diligence and application? Would interdependence then become the goal of my interactions?
I don’t know.
I do know that I’m happy I got to answer those questions when I did. Happy that I read Adler, Peterson, Rogers, Gotlieb and Glover - people that asked me important questions.
I hope as many people get the opportunity to when they are confronted with them - inadvertently or intentionally.
What lessons stand out for my own life?
Competition, dependence and a lot of other self-defeating feelings and qualities are a result of poor interpretation of my past experiences. Predicated on the idea of the “Inner Child”, the projected childhood experiences of life as a second class citizen, dependent on others to get things done. Our childhood taught us to manipulate, be selfish, and be in constant competition with people around us for attention and validation; stunting, or delaying, the growth of our inner self-reliance and independence as a natural result.
The authors did a very good job of outlining the various ways in which dependence is expressed. Of interest was positive conformity, submission and obedience; and blind disobedience and how it manifests itself in addicts’ behaviours regardless of the consequences of their actions. I’d never thought of addiction as a subtle form of rebellion. I’ll obviously have to read more into it but this made for compelling reading.
I admittedly have to cut short this review from the established format because I am genuinely struggling to finish it. A cloud of boredom had enveloped me writing it. And so, I have stopped here and am publishing it.
February 8, 2018
It's too bad the title of this book doesn't really capture its brilliance. Should it be reprinted in this day and age, it might be titled "Stop Being Such a Pussy" and it may sell out the stores. It's that good. This book is very logical, very forthright and very strict on what it means to be responsible for your own fate, rather than taking on other's responsibilities or expecting others to take on yours. There are very few books on my shelf that I dip into over and over again and I can tell this will be one of them. When I start to lament on any damn thing, this book will be there like a drill sergeant, getting me to do twelve pushups in the rain.
I truly believe that our success is directly proportional to what responsibilities we choose to take on and take on well.
I truly believe that our success is directly proportional to what responsibilities we choose to take on and take on well.
November 11, 2023
"Beyond Success and Failure: Ways to Self-Reliance and Maturity" by Willard Beecher and Marguerite Beecher offers a profound and insightful exploration into achieving emotional and physical self-reliance. Central to the book is the concept that health, both mental and physical, is a natural state that can be restored and maintained by refraining from self-destructive habits and behaviors.
The Beechers delve deeply into the need to unlearn conditioned responses from childhood, emphasizing the replacement of these behaviors with more constructive, adult-like responses. This theme recurs throughout the book, highlighting the importance of self-reliance and the dangers of dependency, both emotional and physical.
A key aspect of the book is its discussion on dependency, suggesting that this trait, whether emotional or physical, is a learned habit often leading to feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. The authors advocate strongly for the cultivation of self-reliance as a remedy to these feelings, stressing that individuals must learn to confront problems independently rather than seeking solutions or support from external sources.
The book also discusses the impact of upbringing on emotional maturity. It suggests that children raised by emotionally mature parents are more likely to develop a sense of self-reliance and confidence, as opposed to those who engage in dominance-submission dynamics.
Addressing adult life, Beecher points out the pitfalls of comparing oneself to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and envy. He encourages readers to approach life with a self-reliant viewpoint, valuing personal experiences and achievements over external validation or comparison.
The Beechers explore the role of self-reliance in marriage, arguing that marriages based on dependency and romantic illusions are less likely to be successful. They assert that a strong sense of self-reliance and individual happiness is fundamental for a healthy and fulfilling marriage.
Furthermore, the book discusses the negative impacts of behaviors learned in childhood, such as manipulating others for personal gain, on adult relationships and societal interactions. The authors emphasize the importance of transitioning from these childhood behaviors to more mature, self-reliant methods of interacting with the world.
Additional insights from the book touch on the concept of working without attachment to rewards, reflecting teachings from the Bhagavad Gita. This aligns with the book's overarching theme of finding contentment and fulfillment in the process rather than the outcome, emphasizing the importance of self-reliance and personal satisfaction over external validation.
The metaphor of an individual being like a company with shares of stock is particularly striking. It underscores the idea of personal autonomy and control over one's life, suggesting that one should maintain the majority stake in their own affairs and not cede control to others.
In social situations and relationships, the book advises adopting a proactive, giving role rather than a passive, receiving one. This shift from a child-like role of dependency to an adult role of contribution and initiative is central to the book's message on maturity.
The pitfalls of ego-driven behavior, the disadvantages of being overly sensitive or dependent on external validation, the discussion of guilt as a manifestation of fear of others' opinions, and the examination of the dual nature of reality are other key themes explored. These insights encourage readers to find happiness in life as it is, rather than in an idealized version of how it should be.
Overall, "Beyond Success and Failure" presents a compelling argument for a life lived with autonomy, self-governance, and emotional independence. It offers valuable lessons for personal growth and fulfillment, making it a crucial read for those seeking to understand the psychological roots of dependency and the importance of self-reliance in achieving a balanced, successful life.
The Beechers delve deeply into the need to unlearn conditioned responses from childhood, emphasizing the replacement of these behaviors with more constructive, adult-like responses. This theme recurs throughout the book, highlighting the importance of self-reliance and the dangers of dependency, both emotional and physical.
A key aspect of the book is its discussion on dependency, suggesting that this trait, whether emotional or physical, is a learned habit often leading to feelings of inferiority and inadequacy. The authors advocate strongly for the cultivation of self-reliance as a remedy to these feelings, stressing that individuals must learn to confront problems independently rather than seeking solutions or support from external sources.
The book also discusses the impact of upbringing on emotional maturity. It suggests that children raised by emotionally mature parents are more likely to develop a sense of self-reliance and confidence, as opposed to those who engage in dominance-submission dynamics.
Addressing adult life, Beecher points out the pitfalls of comparing oneself to others, leading to feelings of inadequacy and envy. He encourages readers to approach life with a self-reliant viewpoint, valuing personal experiences and achievements over external validation or comparison.
The Beechers explore the role of self-reliance in marriage, arguing that marriages based on dependency and romantic illusions are less likely to be successful. They assert that a strong sense of self-reliance and individual happiness is fundamental for a healthy and fulfilling marriage.
Furthermore, the book discusses the negative impacts of behaviors learned in childhood, such as manipulating others for personal gain, on adult relationships and societal interactions. The authors emphasize the importance of transitioning from these childhood behaviors to more mature, self-reliant methods of interacting with the world.
Additional insights from the book touch on the concept of working without attachment to rewards, reflecting teachings from the Bhagavad Gita. This aligns with the book's overarching theme of finding contentment and fulfillment in the process rather than the outcome, emphasizing the importance of self-reliance and personal satisfaction over external validation.
The metaphor of an individual being like a company with shares of stock is particularly striking. It underscores the idea of personal autonomy and control over one's life, suggesting that one should maintain the majority stake in their own affairs and not cede control to others.
In social situations and relationships, the book advises adopting a proactive, giving role rather than a passive, receiving one. This shift from a child-like role of dependency to an adult role of contribution and initiative is central to the book's message on maturity.
The pitfalls of ego-driven behavior, the disadvantages of being overly sensitive or dependent on external validation, the discussion of guilt as a manifestation of fear of others' opinions, and the examination of the dual nature of reality are other key themes explored. These insights encourage readers to find happiness in life as it is, rather than in an idealized version of how it should be.
Overall, "Beyond Success and Failure" presents a compelling argument for a life lived with autonomy, self-governance, and emotional independence. It offers valuable lessons for personal growth and fulfillment, making it a crucial read for those seeking to understand the psychological roots of dependency and the importance of self-reliance in achieving a balanced, successful life.
March 4, 2019
This is a book I'd like to gift to as many people as I can (it's just that it is damn costly!).
From the title it might seem like it is oriented towards abdication of both success and failure, and it might be some sort of philosophy for enlightenment.
But it make attempt to go down that road, nor does it comples the reader to envisage some phoney wishy washy pictures of utopian future. It is based on simple premise of "Independence" and being "Self-reliant" instead of leaning on others to seek support of any kind be it emotional, intellectual or physical.
Authers are simply trying to link various personality traits to each other and centrally to Independence. I was also skeptical how much weightage I should give to the content of the book or just discard it as another self help book but they I found their connection with Alfred Adler.
That is the thing about thinkers of that time, their ideas might not be supported by statistics or may not perform flawlessly under scienfic scrutiny but their ideas were experiential, something which was laid down at the core of their existence and way of living and that is reason I am bit biased towards anything that is not of current era in which controlled experiments, supported by various tests and large amount of data are successfully proving what was intended but often seems to miss the holistic view, especially if it concerns about "way of living!"
From the title it might seem like it is oriented towards abdication of both success and failure, and it might be some sort of philosophy for enlightenment.
But it make attempt to go down that road, nor does it comples the reader to envisage some phoney wishy washy pictures of utopian future. It is based on simple premise of "Independence" and being "Self-reliant" instead of leaning on others to seek support of any kind be it emotional, intellectual or physical.
Authers are simply trying to link various personality traits to each other and centrally to Independence. I was also skeptical how much weightage I should give to the content of the book or just discard it as another self help book but they I found their connection with Alfred Adler.
That is the thing about thinkers of that time, their ideas might not be supported by statistics or may not perform flawlessly under scienfic scrutiny but their ideas were experiential, something which was laid down at the core of their existence and way of living and that is reason I am bit biased towards anything that is not of current era in which controlled experiments, supported by various tests and large amount of data are successfully proving what was intended but often seems to miss the holistic view, especially if it concerns about "way of living!"
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 3, 2021
I've had this book for years and only now got around to reading it.
Now this book has lots of gems in it and gave me a lot to think about. I found it extremely high level and while motivating to move to self-reliance, falls short of providing practical advice on doing so. Instead, I found that much of it was admonishment for the way we've become from our upbringing (as stated by the authors) and the advice is to just stop being that way.
The book was okay. I didn't hate it. There were several nuggets that I underlined and took to heart. But it's not a book that I would re-read.
Now this book has lots of gems in it and gave me a lot to think about. I found it extremely high level and while motivating to move to self-reliance, falls short of providing practical advice on doing so. Instead, I found that much of it was admonishment for the way we've become from our upbringing (as stated by the authors) and the advice is to just stop being that way.
The book was okay. I didn't hate it. There were several nuggets that I underlined and took to heart. But it's not a book that I would re-read.
December 22, 2020
A better title would be “power of self-reliance” given that the book doesn’t discuss success or failure in depth. Although occasionally insightful, it has a lot of oversimplified metaphors about human personality that don’t add up to very much.
August 25, 2021
Great no nonsense book.
If you or somebody you know needs a reality check or a swift kick in the butt then this is the book for you!
If you or somebody you know needs a reality check or a swift kick in the butt then this is the book for you!
July 30, 2022
Excellent book describing the principles and mindset of self reliance.
August 30, 2017
Super direct and dispels lots of myths. Everything comes back to initiative. Breaks down the patterns of addiction and dependency. Crazy that this was written in the 60's. That does come though with the language to a certain extent (all pronouns are "he" when talking about people). However, the ideas are sound and helpful.
July 25, 2020
The copy I borrowed from the University of Nevada, Reno was published in 1966.
The authors gave me lots to think about.
The authors gave me lots to think about.
October 13, 2012
Simply, this book should become required reading for any person reaching age 12, and should be re-read every two years until they totally understand the message.
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October 11, 2016
This is equal to Glasser's book on Reality Therapy. A must read. Some very good advice about life's school of hard knocks.
April 30, 2017
Utterly convincing. It pulls no punches. Informing us that we all, certainly me, and probably you too, are very childish.
March 14, 2019
Should be required reading for millennials in this culture of entitlement and political correctness. This small book is a gem. Anyone interested should purchase it because copies of the authors' books are difficult to find.
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